Advice - Infants and the Flu

[Sun Tzu]

Okay, here's the situation:

My Wife, my 3 month old daughter, my Mother-In-Law, and myself all drove down to San Diego (from San Francisco) together for the Holidays. While here, my Mother-In-Law came down with the Flu. Body Aches, nasty cough, the whole nine yards. We're scheduled to all drive back together (10-11 hours, or so) and I'm very worried about my little one coming down with this nasty thing. I know kids under 6 months are considered extremely high risk for the flu, mostly because of their inability to get the flu shot, and their high propensity to develop complications (infections, pneumonia, etc). I mentioned my worry, and my MIL threw an absolute fit about it - saying things like "she's going to be exposed to tons of bugs, she's probably already got it, etc." I don't particularly buy into the "well, she's probably already screwed, so...oh well!" logic. I'm considering offering to fly her back home on my dime. Am I going overboard here?

I mean...I'm trying to look at this not from a "we can't change the past, and she has already been exposed" viewpoint; rather, I'm looking at it from a "okay, now we know, so let's take steps that will minimize health risks to a completely helpless infant" viewpoint.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

[JonInMiddleGA]

Honestly, I'd say your MIL is right at this point. She's been in the house with the infected, right?

[Sun Tzu]

For about 24 hours, yes. The MIL started feeling the symptoms late last night, and it's a large house (around 5,000 square feet and two stories), but...yes. She's been here.

[chadritt]

I would think a plane is a pretty big exposure risk, tons of strangers and reciculated air, if thats what youre worried about. Renting a second car would seem a better option to me than flying.

[Sun Tzu]

That's a good point, chadritt. Le sigh.

Not to get too deep into family business, but the MIL is a bit of a drama queen. She just bought her own ticket home and stormed off like a 3 year old who was told to turn off their video game.

Meh. This is my family, and to my understanding having any kind of prolonged exposure (especially 10+ hours in a Prius with recirculated air) will only increase the likelihood of the little one getting sick.

[Lathum]

You should have just asked her to wear a mask. I don't want to minimize your concerns but your kid was likely exposed already. Even so I will tell you from having 2 kids they are going to get sick either way and it isn't always a bad thing. Their immune system needs practice. If you spend their whole childhood worrying about them getting phenumonea you will lose your mind.

It also sounds like your mil could have handled it better.

[jaygr]

I actually got the flu this year (for the first time in my life) when my little one was only about 3 months. My symptoms came on very fast so I was actually with her very much right before (in fact earlier that day I took her to my mother's house for a visit so I was the primary caretaker that day too).

Fortunately she did not catch it. After the symptoms hit we basically quarantined me and I wasn't even around her until I was better. I don't have much advice on what to do with your MIL as that is a tough situation, but I just wanted to say I can relate and honestly don't feel you are going overboard. I know I'd find myself in the same spot.

[Flasch186]

Might it be a cold?

[Bobble]

I see only one solution: Terminate the mother-in-law. "We had to, Your Honor. She was a Typhoid Mary. Plus, she was being a serious B. about it."

[Logan]

I can certainly understand not wanting to be locked in a car with someone displaying those symptoms, for about half a day, even without adding the baby to the equation. And I'm about as far from a germophobe as you get.

[CraigSca]

I don't know - I just remember when the kids were little, it seemed like EVERY time we went to visit family, our kids were sick shortly thereafter. I really can't fault you, especially with an infant so young. Your MIL has been removed from baby-rearing for so long, it's easy to forget how tenuous it is. Good luck with this.

[Desnudo]

Your MIL's reaction was selfish and defensive and was throwing out old wives advice. Keep in mind she probably hasn't raised a baby in 30+ years. You really don't want a 3 month old with the flu. There's a difference between 3 months and 3 years and your MIL doesn't seem to differentiate.

Do what you think is right for your kid even if it's unpopular with everyone else.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by Sun Tzu

Okay, here's the situation:

My Wife, my 3 month old daughter, my Mother-In-Law, and myself all drove down to San Diego (from San Francisco) together for the Holidays. While here, my Mother-In-Law came down with the Flu. Body Aches, nasty cough, the whole nine yards. We're scheduled to all drive back together (10-11 hours, or so) and I'm very worried about my little one coming down with this nasty thing. I know kids under 6 months are considered extremely high risk for the flu, mostly because of their inability to get the flu shot, and their high propensity to develop complications (infections, pneumonia, etc). I mentioned my worry, and my MIL threw an absolute fit about it - saying things like "she's going to be exposed to tons of bugs, she's probably already got it, etc." I don't particularly buy into the "well, she's probably already screwed, so...oh well!" logic. I'm considering offering to fly her back home on my dime. Am I going overboard here?

I mean...I'm trying to look at this not from a "we can't change the past, and she has already been exposed" viewpoint; rather, I'm looking at it from a "okay, now we know, so let's take steps that will minimize health risks to a completely helpless infant" viewpoint.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

One of the requirements we gave all close family members is that they needed to be up to date on their shots (including Flu) before spending much time with us. All our parents, and the bothers and sisters got their whooping and flu shots.

I'd say she is in the wrong and selfish.

[DanGarion]

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Honestly, I'd say your MIL is right at this point. She's been in the house with the infected, right?

But being in a room with someone sick doesn't make everyone sick, there are more factors than just that...

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by DanGarion

But being in a room with someone sick doesn't make everyone sick, there are more factors than just that...

Sure ... but reality is that exposure seems very likely to have occurred already.

{shrug} It's his nickel, I'm just not that paranoid.

[JonInMiddleGA]

FWIW/FTR ... I believe as parents we've all got "our thing(s)" we're paranoid about.

Mine happens to be stuff like four-wheelers, swimming, outdoors-type stuff you might call it. Illness & such doesn't register anywhere near the same degree of risk for me. {shrug} We're all entitled to worry about whatever, comes with the parenting card, I don't mean to kick dirt on anybody's worries or anything.

[AENeuman]

On a good day driving past cowschwitz, Harris ranch, is nauseous, can't imagine what it would be like with the flu.

[flere-imsaho]

Speaking as someone who took his 6-month-old into the ER two times in 24 hours due to dehydration brought on by the stomach flu, I'd say you weren't being unreasonable.

The issue with kids under the age of 1 (IMO) is that the bad things associated with these bugs accelerate a lot faster than they do in older kids and adults. You can go from a reasonably-functioning toddler to one who needs to go to the ER in 6 hours, for instance.

And I am all for letting kids get exposed to bugs (within reason) and building immunities. But you have to consider the potential consequences and your ability to deal with them (i.e. available ERs on a 10-11 car trip).