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Old 04-21-2005, 12:38 AM   #101
Izulde
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Nine hundred dollars and five hours later, I'm on a jet plane heading to the sunny beaches of Miami, a non-alcoholic glass of orange juice in hand. It's strange, the shape that airplane ice cubes take. Not square and solid like your normal blocks of ice, but instead cylinders hollowed out and missing a section, so that they form the outline of c's and resemble rolled tongues.

Do I speak in tongues? No, I am no prophet and there is nothing Biblical about me, save for my name. Timothy, Paul's right hand man. Ironic that he is the saint associated with stomach disorders, as I myself have a hiatal hernia, albeit a small one.

Glancing out the window at the dark grey gathering of clouds, I find my depression deepset still, a funk that knows no end. It is not The Funk of course, but then no one is The Funk save The Funk himself. Cutesy phraseplays on What The Funk? are hereby discouraged.

How could I have allowed myself to become so inebriated as to be lost to the world for so great a span of time? I remember nothing of that block of days, and to a memorist like me who is oftimes guilty of clinging to the icons, images, idols, and ideas of the past, it is a source of terror not unlike that of a great phobia.

Enough of this. I must think about the upcoming game. To hell with the results of the last two contests. I will not make record of them. Let the statisticians and other fan fanatics of the league note them for posterity elsewhere. I am not assigned as the Octopus League's historian, nor shall I serve in that role. I am only a manager and GM, and very poor at both jobs at that.

...And yet, somehow, I feel no joy or tingle of excitement when anticipating tomorrow's athletic contest. There is only this stress and anxiety, this overriding and overwhelming sensation that my life is spiraling out of control. I am the cowboy on a rampaging bull, fighting for each gasp of breath and staying second. Will I make it the full eight count? Or shall I be thrown off, banished to the dirt of death or insanity before my time?

I do not know... I do not know... All I know, and the only thing I can hold to in this moment of inner crisis, is that I will indeed make it to Miami in time for the next day's game.

In times of existential peril such as these, it is the small things we must grasp tightly to, for it is their lights, however minor, that give us the vital hope of survival.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:38 AM   #102
Izulde
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Join Date: Sep 2004
In the antimeridian hours of the morning, my plane touches down at Miami's main airport. My carry-on lugged down from its overhead compartment, I trudge down the aisles of plane and gate corridor with my fellow red-eyed red-eye fliers until I burst out into the quiet river of activity that is the central hub area from which all terminals spring.

I am unsurprised to find that no one is waiting for me, for I have not told anyone when I was due to arrive. Nor have I informed anyone besides Delbert that I am coming down, and I am certain that he himself has dismissed the possibility of my making good on my threat.

After hailing a cab, I travel the rest of the way to the hotel in comfortable silence. While drivers are normally at least somewhat loquacious in hopes of getting a larger tip, this one, a chubby Cuban man with balding scalp and coarse arm hair who looks to be somewhere in his forties, senses that I am not in the mood for conversation and so just turns up the jazz station on his radio.

Once at the team hotel, I pay him, including a generous tip in the bargain, and we go our separate ways. Check-in at the desk proved to be suprisingly hassle-free, as there were still considerable vacancies to be filled and I opted not to sign in under the auspices of my proper title and team attachment.

Ten minutes gone by, I am in the modest room, my bag tossed on the floor, my body flung backside first on the bed. My bloodshot eyes find the ceiling and I stare it at for an unknown amount of time, adrift on the sea of my calmer thoughts.

I love travel. It is one of the things I adore most about my current occupation. There is much of the nomad in Gemini me, and to stay in one place for too long is chafing, stifling. While I am close enough to the Cancer side of things to long for a place where I may set roots down and be happy living in the chosen burg, my wanderlust demands that I must frequently be wandering elsewhere, to gain the fresh breath and new sights of never-seen or rarely visited regions. My creative nature also requires the novel stimulus to remain alive and prosperous. Being confined to one locale for too great a stretch of time would be the death of me. My soul would shrivel up and wither away, my energy and resolve diminished to levels so low that I'd run the risk of being beyond redemption and recall to life.

May I never be burdened with the tedium of a repetitive job, with the monotony of mundane and menial makings. I am no simple mole, content to burrow here and there and make a cozy home. No, I am the regal, wide-winged phoenix who spread is far-reaching, whose beauty and brightness sometimes needs self-immolation to be reborn anew.

....Ten hours until the game. Just enough time to seek the succor of sleep and be refreshed and ready at the park.

I pull out of my bag a copy of Kissinger's Diplomacy and begin to read. A fewscore pages of international relations theory are enough to have me safely slumbering, sanctuary temporarily found.

My subconscious only prays that this is the turning point towards healing myself and my team.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:39 AM   #103
Izulde
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Fifteen minutes before the game starts, I march into the park and to the dugout without a word, ignoring the shocked looks on the faces of my players. They don't need to be bothered with a longwinded explanation right now. I point at Martinez, then the mound. He nods slowly, trying a smile that doesn't quite work.

Out there already taking his warm-ups is none other than former Secret Cristian Chapa. He sees me pointing and jabs his index finger right back.

"You're going down, Moungey! I'm gonna make your sorry ass sorry that you ever traded me!"

I respond with an upraised middle finger and motion for Melvin to go up and start the game as leadoff. With a nod, he does, the rest of the team settling into silence on their seats in the dugout. No one wants to be the first one to break the mood I've established.

In the top of the second, Super Boy singles home Daddypimp Delbert and a few of the Secrets get up, mouths open as they're about to yell with glee, but at my knifehand, they nod and only clap mutely, silently hi-fiving Delbert as he comes in. 1-0 Racine.

Bonds comes through in the 3rd with a 2 RBI double, scoring The Team of Letendre and Taylor to make it 3-0 us. Again, there is only that soft, inaudible applause and touching of palms to those coming home.

Still in that inning, Cool Katamor singles in Harper and it's 4-0 Secrets. The same routine as the other runs is followed, the mystic enchantment maintained.

Zimmerman, apparently angry about the bad press he received in the three-way trade I engineered, tells his detractors where to stick it in the fourth inning after he poleaxes one to somewhere in the Atlantic, cutting our lead to 4-2.

Taveras replaces Chapa in the top of the 7th. I turn to the team and smirk, holding up my thumb in salutation of victory. They grin and return the sign. If nothing else, we showed that jerkoff he isn't going to be the one to beat us today.

Midway through a crucial at-bat in the 8th inning, Lucky Wenceslao tires out, so I send in F***head Francis, who happens to be our best strikeout reliever, even though he has a 7.50 ERA.

I'm highly annoyed when he walks the batter to load the bases, but Super Boy saves us with a scorcher of a throw at the next at-bat.

We get an insurance run in the top of the 9th after Taveras plunks Scotty Harper with the bases loaded to give us a 5-2 edge. All of us in the dugout silently snicker at Michael's moronic largesse.

Our Saviour sac-flies the next AB to racket it up to 6-2. I find myself tempted to leave Valderrama in there for the bottom of the 9th now, though it would deny our closer a shot at a save.

The bottom of the 9th rolls in and I finally break the spell of quiet that's been in place over us by turning to Moody Donald.

"You think you can close this game and nail these *******s for the win?"

He nods vigorously, jaw tight as he reaches for his glove and slides it on, his face a determined mask of stone.

"Hell yes I can, Coach Tim! We're winning this thing for you!"
"Thanks. I appreciate it."

And out to the mound he goes, Frumpy Francis looking ticked off at being pulled, but Franny will just have to deal. It's Don's game to win or lose.

Our closer's up against Zimmerman for the first duel. Yeah, *that* hacked off Zimmerman.... who grounds out to third.

Burges is up next. Wonder if he's a poet. If so, he's the poet who struck out.

Their last line of defense? Some Dude Named Calhoun. We're all leaning now, waiting with bated breath....

Damn, he singled. And up next is Miami's Wunderkind David Bailey. I'm going to be very angry if he gets a homerun right here.

But no! He grounds out to the Clutch God and we've won!

The partisan crowd is silent while we rush together, all the Secrets congregating en masse` at the mound. We don't know why, but half of us have tears in our eyes while the other half is screaming their heads off in exuberation.

It's as if we've won our Mini-River Series, in a way.... No matter what the cause, it feels damn good to have this win... More satisfying than any win we've had up to this point in the season.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:39 AM   #104
Izulde
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Twenty minutes after the game's conclusion, we're all ambling amicably down the street, comfortably silent and simply savouring sunshine's swimming rays over our faces. After a few moments, Scotty speaks.

"You know, I say we say screw getting drunk tonight. It's gotten to be boring and old hat. Let's just go hit the beaches and ogle the hot girls instead."

A quick vote carries the proposed motion unanimously and and a change of clothes into swimsuits later, we're storming the sandy beaches with Seminolesque whoops of warrior glee, spraying jets of brown grains everywher with our stomps as we run rampant through the nubile, bikinied beauties.

I love this team. No one spoke a word about the spot I was in earlier in the week and for that I am greatful. They are letting me work it out on my own while showing their support in this small way.

Would that all of humanity was so compassionate and tactful.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:40 AM   #105
Izulde
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Around 2 am now. The beach forays were rather fun, even though the girls all ignored me in favour of the other guys. Not that I blame them. With my hairy face and out-of-shape body, there's very few girls who find me appealing, especially when contrasted against the chiseled and sleek physiques of the athletes I lead.

But I'm not going to dwell on that. No, I'm just going to nab the day's scores via email.

Saturday June 18, 2004

Racine 6
Miami 2

WP: Wenceslao Martinez (3-0)
LP: Cristian Chapa (1-4)

Secrets GM/manager Tim Moungey returned to the team today and showed the shrewdness of his judgement on the GM side of things as one of the players he traded for defeated a player he sent away. Martinez went 7 and 2/3 innings, giving up 2 ER and walking 5 while sitting 7. Chapa, on the other hand, lasted 6 and 2/3, surrendering 4 ER and going an even 2 and 2 in walks and strikeouts. DH Scotty Harper was the offensive man for Racine, getting 3 RBIs in the contest.

Boston 5
Memphis 2

WP: Charles Arango (1-1)
LP: Toney Kittleson (3-3)
S: Gabriel Perras (1)

Arango was dominating in this outing, going a complete 8 innings, allowing 2 earned runs and walking 2 while punching out 6. Kittleson was blasted for 5 R, 4 earned, over 6 innings, including 3 homeruns. Adding insult to injury, he also had his first error of the season. Burgundys LF Francis Ginn knocked in 3 RBIs to pace Boston.

Minneapolis 3
Seattle 0

WP: Mario Troyer (1-4)
LP: Lee Estes (0-5)

In a battle of winless pitchers, Troyer dazzled, pitching a three-hitter complete game shutout and walking just 1 while taking down 5. Estes continues to struggle and there are rumours of his being shipped out of town to the Secrets, whose scouts believe that he's better than his winless record and 6.49 ERA suggest. Speaking of Racine, leading the way for the Lumberjacks was former Secret 3B George Capra with all 3 RBIs for Minneapolis.

New Orleans 6
San Diego 7

WP: Charles Thole (1-0)
LP: Keith Fiorentino (1-1)

The Bishops narrowly avoided the upset in this 10-inning fight when 2B Bryan Prioleau hit a solo shot in the bottom of the 10th to give San Diego the win. C Daniel Alvarez also was crucial, contributing 4 RBIs for the victors.

***End E-mail***

...We have interest in Estes? That's news to me.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:42 AM   #106
Izulde
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Fourth Turn: Third-Quarter Analysis of the Octopus League

We here at the Tentacle apologize for this delayed report. A virus infected the magazine's computer network and it was only until now that we were able to get our system cleaned up. So again, we offer our deepest apologies and present to you the belated third quarter report, with four games left to go in the first Octopus League season.

Standings:



The biggest suprise has to be the Racine Secrets, a team that had been left for dead now suddenly surging and gaining on the rest of the league. It's a case of too little, too late, for the preseason division crown contender co-favorites, but on the other hand, it bodes well for Racine's chances in the coming season. The Rebels of Memphis still insistent on chasing the Miami Vices and it's a race that we expect to go down to the wire. In the West, on the other hand, there is no suspense. The San Diego Bishops are your 2004 Octopus League West Division champions and will be in the inaugural River Series.

Batting Leaderboards:

Average:
.386 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
.375 RF Roido "Pokemon" Hachemon (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
.354 3B Donald Stine (San Diego Bishops)
.343 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
.342 1B George Marconi (Seattle Coffemen)

There's been a change at the top since the halfway mark, with Dewitt and Hachemon switching places, the first time Roido has fallen out of the first position he's held all season long. Stine and Carson were noted in the preseason for their exceptional contact hitting, so their presence is not a surprise in the least. That Marconi makes a return to this leaderboard does prove stunning, however, as he was not expected to be this consistent a hitter.

Homeruns:
7 CF Curtis "CJ" Jones (Miami Vices)
6 DH William Acosta (Boston Burgundys)
6 RF Glenn Reed (San Diego Bishops)
6 1B Nick Penney (Miami Vices)
Numerous others tied at 5

Except for Jones, this leaderboard underwent a radical change from its earlier form and, except for CJ, these leaders are all significant suprises. But then, that's going to happen there's a shortened season as is the case with the Octopus League.

RBI:
22 1B George Marconi (Seattle Coffemen)
21 RF Estanis Rodriguez (Memphis Rebels)
20 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
18 RF Glenn Reed (San Diego Bishops)
17 C Daniel Alvarez (San Diego Bishops)

The Burgundys' Foster dropped out as we anticipated, though the board is largely unchanged outside of that, save for Dewitt and Reed's flipflopping places. These athletes have shown a knack all season long for bringing runners home and given that consistency, we expect to see them still hanging about here when all is said and done.

R:
17 CF Timothy Chesson (San Diego Bishops)
16 3B Bernardo "Saint" Rosado (Boston Burgundys)
14 CF Curtis "CJ" Jones (Miami Vices)
14 1B Jeremy McCleery (San Diego Bishops)
14 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
14 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)

We're starting to see some familiar names consistently pop up on the leaderboards, showing that there's quite a few hitters in the OL who are the complete package. 3 of them are here: Dewitt, Carson, and Jones. All three of these guys are contenders for the Batter of the Year award.

Doubles:
10 1B John Bahr (Boston Burgundys)
8 RF Estanis Rodriguez (Memphis Rebels)
8 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
8 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
8 3B Edward Mauldin (Memphis Rebels)

Want to know why the Rebels are still very much in contention for the East Division crown? It's because they have a pair of guys who can really find the gaps in an outfield for extra-base hits in Rodriguez and Mauldin, the latter of whom is the only newcomer to this otherwise unchanged board.

Walks:
21 3B Bernardo "Saint" Rosado (Boston Burgundys)
18 3B Edward Mauldin (Memphis Rebels)
17 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
15 2B William Canterbury (Miami Vices)
14 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)

Canterbury is an anamoly here, but all the rest of the leaders in this section deserve to be here. Rosado was walked more times than any other batter in the third quarter of play, causing him to shoot up from third to first. Without him, the Burgundys would likely be last and least in the league.

Strikeouts:
24 RF Glenn Reed (San Diego Bishops)
24 3B David Bailey (Miami Vices)
23 1B Patrick Poulos (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
23 SS Oscar Medina (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
22 CF David Goddard (Boston Burgundys)
22 2B Bryan Prioleau (San Diego Bishops)

As projected, Gong drops out of this horrible board to be on, many of the remaining leaders still hanging on to their ignoble distinction. In particular, the Poulos Watch reports that Patrick still hasn't walked once the entire season. Speculation in Minneapolis says that Davanni's Pizzeria is offering a free pizza to anyone with a ticket stub from the Lumberjacks game where Poulos draws a walk, if he does get one any time in his career.

SB:
11 2B William Canterbury (Miami Vices)
10 CF Timothy Chesson (San Diego Bishops)
9 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
9 2B Jaime Gutierrez (Racine Secrets)
7 LF Miguel Salinas (Racine Secrets)

Much of Racine's resurgence can be attributed to their success on the basepaths, as they have two of the league's leaders in steals here. Canterbury, Chesson, and Carson have all taken advantage of their repeated walks to steal many a base on their way to being the top three thieves.

OBP
.488 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
.471 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
.466 3B Edward Mauldin (Memphis Rebels)
.425 RF Roido "Pokemon" Hachemon (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
.416 3B Bernado "Saint" Rosado (Boston Burgundys)

Hachemon's slide on the leaderboards continues with a drop from second to fourth here. Borger also disappears from the charts, as anticipated. Dewitt stays the leader here and the Saint sneaks in to claim the coveted number five ranking.

OPS
1.203 C Wayne Dewitt (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
1.044 CF Curtis "CJ" Jones (Miami Vices)
1.043 CF Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
1.037 3B Edward Mauldin (Memphis Rebels)
1.036 RF Roido "Pokemon" Hachemon (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)

Remember when we said it was a tough call between Carson and Jones as to who the best CF availabe in the dispersal draft was? It's never been more evident than in this stat, where they're separated by a thousandth of a point.
Dewitt's dominance continues here. We'll pick him as our early favourite for Batter of the Year.

Pitching Leaderboards:

Wins:
6 SP Heriberto Perez (San Diego Bishops)
5 SP Allen Davidson (Miami Vices)
5 SP Joshua Jones (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
5 SP Alberto Avalos (Seattle Coffemen)
4 SP Christopher "Lobster" Lobdell (Boston Burgundys)
4 SP Omer Houseman (Memphis Rebels)

At long last, we're starting to get separation in terms of leaders of wins. The Perez/Davidson debate heats up anew, just when we thought it was dead. Avalos and Jones are suprising leaders here, who account for 50% or more of their respective teams' wins. Lobdell, too, has 50% of the Burgundys' wins.

Losses:
5 SP Lee Estes (Seattle Coffeemen)
4 SP Mario Troyer (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
4 SP Julio Rosado (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
4 SP Cristian Chapa (Miami Vices)
Numerous others tied at 3

It seems somehow fitting that Estes become the Octopus League's biggest loser in the game he lost to Troyer. We said in the preseason previews that starting pitching was a huge weakness for the Lumberjacks and it's shown here. Chapa being sent out of Racine was one of the best moves the Secrets made this season and his arrival spells trouble for the Vices' postseason aspirations.

Saves:
6 CL Charles Thole (San Diego Bishops)
6 CL Anton Arispe (Miami Vices)
3 CL Andrew Sharon (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
Numerous others tied at 2

Thole and Arispe. Those are the only two names that truly qualify as ace closers in this league. It's no suprise that their respective teams are at the top of their divisions. Interesting to note is that Minneapolis's closer breaks into the leaderboards here, proof of his incomparable value to the Lumberjacks' bullpen.

ERA:
2.34 SP Heriberto Perez (San Diego Bishops)
2.38 SP Jose Leyba (San Diego Bishops)
2.55 SP Allen Davidson (Miami Vices)
2.62 SP Cristian Cortada (Racine Secrets)
3.19 SP Carlos Ramos (New Orleans Mardi Gras)

The one-two starters of the Bishops continue to hold a fierce strangehold on the one-two positions of the ERA leaderboard, but Davidson has come rampaging back to retake the third slot. Cortada lowered his ERA in the third quarter and now sits at fourth, he and Leyba the victims of poor run support in their outings.

Walks:
25 SP Weceslao Martinez (Racine Secrets)
25 SP Jose Leyba (San Diego Bishops)
21 SP Allen Davidson (Miami Vices)
19 SP Heriberto Perez (San Diego Bishops)
17 SP Cristian Cortada (Racine Secrets)
17 SP Julio Rosado (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)

Two of the hottest teams in the league have one thing in common. Guess what it is? That's right, both of them have two pitchers on the most walks issued leaderboard. This, as noted at the midway point, is a testament of their stellar defenses. DIPS is a good thing.

Strikeouts:
73 SP Heriberto Perez (San Diego Bishops)
63 SP Allen Davidson (Miami Vices)
51 SP Cristian Cortada (Racine Secrets)
51 SP Christopher "Lobster" Lobdell (Boston Burgundys)
38 SP Omer Houseman (Memphis Rebels)

Save for Houseman's nipping Leyba for the fifth spot, this section is completely unchanged in members or in ranking. Perez, Davidson, Cortada, and Lobdell are the Four Great Aces of the Octopus League.

Team Batting Report:



Team Pitching Report:



Team Fielding Report:

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Last edited by Izulde : 04-21-2005 at 12:43 AM.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:44 AM   #107
Izulde
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Just four more games to go and our season will be done. There will be no River Series for us, save for perhaps as visitors and spectators. So we are, in essence, playing for pride. If we win out, .500 will be ours.

It won't be easy though, as today's game is against the Vices. Mercurio versus Sheeley. Let's go.

A back and forth pitching and defensive gem of a game that's highlighted by Underachieving Sheeley striking out our guys left and right and Superman Jones making some absolute stellar catches in the outfield to rob us of hits is shattered in the 4th courtesy of That Japanese Catcher blasting a three-run scorcher that scores Yon Duo of Harper and Saviour after those two walk. 3-0 Racine.

In the bottom frame, Maya singles in a run to make it 3-1 Racine and I'm starting to get a little worried that our starter is getting a bad case of the nerves.

****! Calhoun torches a 3 RBI bomb in the next at-bat and just like that, it's now 4-3 Miami. I *knew* I should have pulled Pathetic Pierre. Too late now.

Still 4-3 in the top of the 8th inning. We've men on first and second with one out and Our Saviour is up to bat. On a hunch, I pull Josue and send up Cool Caramello Carmelo to pinch-hit....

...And it pays off! Vintage Velez gets an RBI single and we're tied up at 4!

Major Mito gets another RBI single in the next AB and our fortunes are once more reversed, with a 5-4 edge. That's it for Sheeley, whose relieved by Padua.

Bottom of the 8th brings another hunch and, against what would be most people's better judgement, I reinforce the mound with F.V. Who Is Not Frank Viola. Yeah, he of the 7.11 ERA and 0-1 record. I just have a sneaking suspicion that he can pull it off here, for at least this inning.

The result? A 1-2-3 inning. Man, am I ever feeling damn good right about now!

After doing nothing in the top of the 9th, outside of a single, I take a deep breath when the flipside frame comes... and send in Moody Closer Moody.

His first opponent is Maya, who grounds out to the pitcher. One down.

Next is that prick Calhoun. Oh, how badly I want him to do jack **** here!

....****! The bastard got a double and Powerhitting Penney is up. I leave Donny Boy in. He's got to learn how to bear down in these tense situations.

...And there's a flyout to centerfield! Two down!

And the Tropical Sins have Pissed Off Zimmerman as their last hope. Lovely. I hear he's still mad about the negative press he'd gotten after the three-team trade.

But Terrific Timothy Sabin, who took over for Josue after Carmelo's pinch-hit stops the liner cold and we win 5-4!!!

SECRETS TAKE TWO OF THREE FROM THE DIVISION LEADERS!!!

Donald collapses on the mound in relief and we all dash out to don him on our shoulders, whooping with glee.

We've won the series against the Vices in their own home park!

Oh how sweet it is!
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:44 AM   #108
Izulde
Head Coach
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Another beach night, another round of girls swooning over the others and ignoring me. It's getting to be slightly obnoxious, but then, it doesn't pay to be intellectual and hairy when it comes to women, it seems. Perhaps I should affect the mannerisms of a dumb ox and undergo plastic surgery to become a pretty boy.

Ah, well. I can't be fussed about women right now. I'm too busy concentrating on trying to get to season's end. To that aim, I am going to only jot down the scores of the day and the pitching W/L/S changes. To hell with the Tentacle staff's commentary.

Racine 5
Miami 4

WP: Pierre Mercurio (2-1)
LP: Ronald Sheeley (1-4)
S: Donald Moody (4)

Boston 8
Memphis 3

WP: Joe Dryer (3-1)
LP: Gary Yusuke (1-3)

Minneapolis 6
Seattle 9

WP: John Vigue (1-0)
LP: Andrew Sharon (2-1)

New Orleans 5
San Diego 3

WP: William Reed (1-2)
LP: Ramon Perez (0-1)
S: Keith Fiorentino (3)

***End Scores***

Interesting to know that Silk pitched for the last 2/3 of an inning in the San Diego game. The Bishops didn't win, but Johnny kept the Mardi Gras from tacking on any more damage.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:45 AM   #109
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Tonight my thoughts wander with a careless aimlessness that would shock even my fellow lovers of stream-of-consciousness style. The interconnections between subjects are not linear, but are instead a series of electric, disjointed jumps, with no logical patterning to them.

Even now, as I sip from my bright blue Hpnotiq whilst munching on a small bag of Doritos, my mental meanderings are erratic, lasting no more than a few seconds at a time on one subject before changing to another, sometimes back again to the first with the following leap, other times not.

"You're a controlling bastard."

Yes, my San Diegan sister, I am. Not content to be submissive or to go along with the will of another am I. I crave and demand power, control, authority and dominion over others. This is not to say that I am some iron-fisted dictator. On the contrary, I am an egalitarian, benevolent despot, oftimes seeking the opinions and suggestions of those who are under my domain ere I render a decision. It is that final authority, that absolute power, which I love more than anything else save for perhaps the overwhelming sensation of satisfaction that comes from being right, particularly when naysayers cried their mockeries about me. Oh, and let us not forget the delights of inspirational swoon caused by a pretty girl.

A moment of blankness, during which I stare into the beautiful bottom of my libation. Whither was the train of thought traveling? It has plunged into a dark tunnel, a void of blackness.

Tennis ball, tennis ball, bounce, bounce, bounce. Annika Kournikova, so lovely and so sensual. Kirsten Dunst, arousing in Wimbledon. Her male opposite in that movie, one of my favourite actors. First Knight was it, where he played Chaucer? Truly hilarious he was then, stealing the show and making up for the bland features of the female romantic interest.

In my high school days, the spring seasons of my junior and senior year were spent playing the sport of net and baseline, even though I had never done so before. I turned out to be not all that bad for a beginner, even winning a few doubles matches and nearly knocking off a varsity opponent with a thrilling come-from-behind duos battle that had a large crowd watching during the waning hours of sunlight.

Due to time constraints, we were limited to one six-game set. The lowest-ranking varsity doubles team on the opposing school had agreed to play us after whipping our version 6-0, 6-0. We were down 5-0 setwise and 40-15 gamewise. It looked as though we would break on the next point and be done. My partner, Javontae and I, were grim-faced, sensing a loss was imminent, but we were determined to make a go of it.

Then, a strange thing happened. We suddenly started to play out of our minds. I was dominating at the net, dropping short shots and blasting well-placed bombs in the corner that just barely managed to stay in. Javontae was a wizard back at the baseline and scored a few aces on his serve. Before we knew it, we had closed the gap to 5-5 and everything was all tied up.

By this time, it was late in the afternoon and the sun's sonorous shafts of orange-yellow light were bathing the court in transcendetal, near autumnal beauty. Too, there was that large crowd lined up at the fences, consisting of the two teams in full membership, for ours was the last match still being played, along with parents and members of our schools' girl's soccer teams, who had just got done with their own game.

It was my service for this next game and I felt the pressure mounting. Sweat poured on my brow in profusion, my official team jersey soaked through with the excess perspiration of my exertion. Javontae, too, was looking run-down. We were going solely on adrenaline now.

"Come on Tim! You can do it!"

Wolf, a short sophomore and on the number two varsity doubles, cheering me on. I found him quite the annoying git, but in this moment, every expression of support and solidarity was one I appreciated and drew strength from.

I tossed the bright, fuzzy yellow ball in the air and hit it at a low angle.

A searing shot was sent back almost immediately from the other side, so fast that I didn't even have time to react. 0-15.

My next serve, the same thing happened. 0-30.

The following serve, we had an exchange of a few hits but it ended when I hit one too far. Out. 0-40.

Break point. This time, I decided to try and throw them off balance. After throwing the ball up, I leapt in the air and smashed it at a diagonal angle into the other court, the move drawing cheers from the crowd.

...Unfortunately, it turned out to be all style and no substance. A screaming return plunked by me before I could recover in time. Game over. We were down 6-5.

And we were broken by that point, too. The last game was an absolute massacre. Once they had scored their final point and were the victors 7-5, we met at the net for the required post-game handshake, thunderous applause and yells from both sides lined up by the fence. It would prove to be the most thrilling match of the season, one that is still talked about even to this day when I meet members of the team around town.

Sometimes in losing, we attain a glory and immortality far greater than in winning. It is not victory that is necessarily the most noble of accomplishments, but the hard-fought valiant struggle against near-impossible odds to almost succeed that is the greatest of things.

I must remember this. I must remember that even in the trials of the Secrets and in my own personal life, it is the striving that matters most.. to never surrender, but battle courageously on, until the last breath is drawn...
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:46 AM   #110
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A few days later, we're at our home park for a game against Boston. I hate playing at home, but only because of how terrible our record is here.

In any event, Cortada versus Lobdell.

Let's cleat it up.

It's a strikeout pitchers' duel until the bottom of the 4th, when The Japanese Catcher Who Missed Catching A Ball And Ruined A Second Inning Strikeout hits a sacrifice fly to score Blazing With The Bat And A 10-Game Hitting Streak Bennie. 1-0 Racine.

In the bottom of the 7th, we get a change in sea creatures pitching for Boston, as Lobster Lobdell Who Finished With 10 Ks is replaced by The Relieving Fish.

Damn it! In the 8th, Dictator Noriega, who is the PR for I forget who just now, is driven home by The Amazing-Armed Catcher Sevier with a double after Murky Melvin commits an astonishing and rare error at first base to even let on the first man in the first place. 1-1 tie. I'm leaving Cortada in there, though.

Fish is replaced midway through our side of the 8th by Perras and after a Katamor single is replaced by Timothy "Gload" Wickline.

****! John Slow Ass Bahr shows why he's leading the league in doubles as he tears a two-bagger off to score Saint Rosado. 2-1 Boston. Damn damn damn!!

Demarco Who I Think Is The Boston Closer comes on in the bottom of the 9th. Sensational Salinas, Super Boy, and Clutch God are our last hopes. Since they tend to be clutch, I decide not to send in Carmelo.

...1-2, Clutch God single, 3.

A depressing as hell loss, one that mathematically eliminates us from winning the division title.

Damn it! I hate playing at home! I hate it, hate it, hate it!!!

Snarling, I grab the Gatorade jug and hurl it on to the field before running after it and kicking it across the grass.

I look like a ****ing idiot, but I don't care!

I don't ****ing care!

I hate this loss!
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:47 AM   #111
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I just want this season to end. I didn't bother to check the scores last night. I don't care what they were... don't care how anybody else did. Just let it be over.

Another home game this time against the East Division leader Vices. Yeah, we'll lose. We never win at home, heh.

...Or maybe we can. It's a rematch of Chapa versus Martinez. Anyway, let's play.

****ing hell. We're dead. In the very first inning, Still Angry Zimmerman smacks an RBI double that scores 3 people. 3-0 Miami. And to think he'd been hitting .091 against us before that.

In the third I'm Not Mayan Maya adds to the damage with an RBI double. 4-0 Miami.

...And P.O.Z. gets his fourth RBI of the day with a followup double. 5-0 Miami. That's enough. I pick a pitcher at random and send out Lecompte.

Heh. Calhoun knocks an RBI single at the next at-bat. 6-0 Vices. I'm hoping for a chance to go argue a call so I can get tossed out of this travesty.

And he adds another one to the total in the... ah hell, I don't even care what inning it is anymore. 7-0 Miami. Oh. Fifth.

We ruin the Former Secret, Now Asshat Number Two Vices Starter's shutout bid in the bottom of the fifth after Taylor gets a sac groundout. 7-1 and I don't give a damn.

Little-Used Weller gets to tack on another appearance in the 6th.

I stop paying all that much attention for the rest of the game. We got within 7-4 at one point, but then they dashed off another 3 runs to make it 10-4 and we wound up losing 10-5.

...Yeah, this is really turning out to be a great way to close out the season.

Numbly, I watch as the Vices pour out on to the field whooping and hollering, pounding each other on the back. You guessed it... with this win, they've officially won the East Division title and will face San Diego in the inagural River Series.

Chapa sends his middle finger in our direction, shouting at us.

"That's right you ****ers, I'm going to the River Series, so you can all kiss my white ass!"

...Kicking it sounds like more fun, and that thought seems to simultaneously occur as all the Secrets look at one another, nod, and charge en masse out to the mound.

And in front of our homecrowd, we engage in a melee brawl. Blood and fists spray everywhere.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:48 AM   #112
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Six Secrets Suspended For Final Game

In the wake of last night's brawl at the end of the game between the Racine Secrets and the Miami Vices, six of Racine's players have been suspended by commish Nigel Benvuneto for the final game.

Benvuneto announced before his offices in Hartford, CT the suspensions of C Katamor Mito, DH/1B Scotty Harper, 2B Jaime Gutierrez, SS Josue Grandison, MR Steve Sax, and MR Patrick Weller.

The Octopus League head remarked, "While we're pleased with the publicity from these two squads mixing it up, this can't become a commonplace occurrence and since the Secrets started it, they're the ones getting punished."

The fight broke out at the end of the Vices-Secrets game, which Miami won 10-5, when Grandison led a charge out onto the field and swung first at Vices 2B William Canterbury. From there, chaos ensued, including the highlights of Grandison and Gutierrez teaming together to gang beat Canterbury, Gutierrez overheard screaming, "I'm the king of basestealing, (expletive)!" and Harper's punching Miami SP Cristian Chapa with the remark of, "You're a disrespectful traitor, Chapa and now you're going down like the two-bit punk you are."

Neither GM/manager would comment on the situation, though one has to wonder what Secrets leader Tim Moungey is going to do with nearly half of his starting lineup suspended, along with two members of his bullpen.

Video clips of the brawl are viewable at http://www.thetentacle.com and http://www.octopusleague.com .
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:49 AM   #113
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Those who know me are no doubt surprised that I failed to comment in regards to the suspensions story, for a glory hound like me loves the fame of being in the press.

And yet, I spoke not a word, for I didn't want to run the risk of being suspended myself.

Our very last game of the season occurs the next day. Here then, is my newly adjusted lineup for the final game, once suspensions are accounted for:

1B Melvin Letendre
2B Bennie Taylor
DH Carmelo Velez
LF Miguel Salinas
CF Delbert Cook
C Tony Whisenant
SS Timothy Sabin
3B Evelio Olivares
RF Willis Carlton

Yeah, that's right. Two guys who haven't seen any action at all this season are starting in the shape of Whisenant and Carlton. The other two replacements, Velez and Sabin, have been in the lineup before.

It's a home game, of course, and it's Mercurio against Memphis's ace Yusuke.

Let the slaughter commence.

...Remember how I said a while back how I hate ****stain Estanis Rodriguez? Well, I hate him even more now after he blasts a solo shot in the second to draw first blood and make it 1-0 Memphis.

I'll be damned! Whisenant The Replacement gets his first hit in the Octopus League in the bottom of the second, an RBI single that scores Stealmaster Salinas. 1-1 tie. If W keeps this up, he might replace Mito next season.

After Whisenant steals third (A catcher with stealing ability? I'm falling more in love with Tony with each passing minute), Totally Tubular Timothy cracks him home with an RBI single to have us go up 2-1. I think we're going to see a couple of fierce position battles next year.

Super Boy matches the RBI single with the next AB to have us up 3-1. Who the hell would have thought this was going to happen? The crowd is roaring in a lustful frenzy of glee and so are we in the dugout.

But of course it doesn't last as The ****ing Butler Of All People gets an RBI double in the top of the 3rd to cut it to 3-2.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!!! A couple of ABs later, Don't Call Me Kenny Chesney hits an RBI single and we're tied up at 3.

And it's times like this that I'm cursing the suspensions for Butthead Bennie commits an error at second that Clutch God wouldn't have, so rather than a double play to end the inning, the bases loaded soon become the bases with one man on as Carreiro sizzles a liner down the third-base side that even Super Boy can't reach. 6-3 Memphis.

The next at-bat? Cortina smacks a homerun. 8-3 Memphis and a change of pitchers ensues, Valderrama getting the nod.

Just when I think we're out of it for good, Candyman Carmelo hits a solo shot and Wonderful Whisenant gets an RBI double in the bottom side and we're within striking distance at 8-5.

It's still 8-5 when Stiltner goes in at the start of the 6th.

****. Mr. I Hate Country Chesney gets another RBI single in that sixth to make it 9-5. Bennie the Bum once again ****ed up by showing ****ty ass range. Yeah, I'm thinking he's not going to be a Secret next year.

Bottom of the 7th and Pino is on in relief. Not like it matters. They could put The Bad DSM-IV Jorge Of Pale Hose Fame out there and Memphis would still win.

He shuts us down until midway through the 8th, when he tires and takes his 1.29 ERA out in favour of Cuestas Who Has The Obscene ERA Of 0.84. I can see why the Rebels challenged Miami for the division title virtually all season. Their bullpen is obscene in its greatness.

10-5 is the final score.

What a horrible way to end the season.

Heads bowed, we file out to the locker room, hating our home ineptitude.

3-9 at home on the season. ****ing unbelievable. We went 6-6 on the road.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:50 AM   #114
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River Series Cancelled

Commissioner Nigel Benvuneto of the Octopus League announced today that the River Series between the Miami Vices and the San Diego Bishops will be cancelled.

It appears that the St. Louis Cardinals challenged the Octopus League in court, arguing that the use of Busch Stadium for the River Series as originally outlined in the Octopus League's agreement with the city of St. Louis violates the baseball team's own contract with the city that states Busch Stadium is exclusively the home of the Cardinals, to only be used for other events when the team gives permission.

The Cardinals won their lawsuit and summarily refused to grant the Octopus League to hold the River Series at Busch Stadium. Other ballparks around the city also denied the league access, leading Benvuneto to declare the Series null and void.

"We'll bring it back next year, though, in another city. One that's on the Mississippi River like St. Louis, but one that doesn't have a blasted major league baseball team getting their panties in a bunch about another league's championship being hosted in their park!" declared Benvuneto as he stood in front of league offices in Hartford, CT, dressed in a throwback green Whalers NHL jersey.

The league also has determined that the division winners will still receive their banners and the Miami Vices have agreed to allow the league championship banner to go to San Diego, as the Bishops had the best record in the Octopus League.

Award winners for the inaugural season of the Octopus League are expected to be announced tomorrow.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:50 AM   #115
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2004 Octopus League Award Winners

Pitcher of the Year:SP Allen Davidson (Miami Vices)

Consistency was the key all season long for Miami Vices starter Allen Davison and allowed him to claim the final victory in the first year of the great Davidson-Perez debate. The Kentucky native was announced today as the first Octopus League Pitcher of the Year. Starting 9 games, Davidson pitched 60 innings to rack up a 6-1 record with a 2.40 ERA and net 71 K's against 22 BB. Allen completed the season with the following Top 5 League Rankings: 3rd in ERA, T-1st in Wins, and 2nd in K's.

Davidson, when informed of his selection, broke out into a broad smile and nodded his head sharply, "I said from the very beginning that I was going to make the teams who passed over me in the first round pay, and I did it! The East Division title is ours and I've got the Pitcher of the Year award. I only wish we could play the River Series so I could kick Perez's tail out there too and get the championship."

Batter of the Year: CF Curtis "CJ" Jones (Miami Vices)

The very first pick in the Octopus League dispersal draft proved to live up to his billing and hype, as CF Curtis "CJ" Jones made it a Miami sweep of the two biggest awards when he picked up the Batter of the Year award. Batting .344, he hit 11 homeruns and drove in 21 RBIs. With a ratio of 19 BB to 13 Ks, Jones finished with a .455 OBP. His Top 5 League Leaderboard rankings include: 1st in HR (He was the only one to break double digits), 5th in RBIs, 3rd in OBP, 1st in SLG, and 2nd in OPS. C.J. also was 6th in batting average.

Curtis had this to say about his win: "It's a sweet victory to have and I'm really happy for both myself and Allen. I'm happy for the fans of Miami that we as a team won the East Division. When the River Series is on next year, I guarantee you we'll be back there and we'll have the Octopus League title where it belongs... here in Miami!"

Rookie of the Year: SP Jose Leyba (San Diego Bishops)

In a year that was significant for the contributions provided by those who would still be considered prospects by MLB standards, starting pitcher Jose Leyba of the San Diego Bishops was clear and away the best of the group. The number two man of the deadly 1-2 rotation punch along with Heriberto Perez, Leyba went 2-1 in 8 starts, striking out 45 and walking 30 while posting a sizzling 1.89 ERA.

Jose remarked, "I feel so undeserving of this award. There's a lot of guys out there who really deserved consideration and who maybe should have gotten it like (3B David) Bailey in Miami. Thank you to all the fans out there who helped make this season a dream come true and to my teammates for coming together so we could win the Octopus League championship. I'd also like to thank Father George Ayorinde. He's the best manager a guy could ever have, and I also want to thank God for giving me the talent to succeed."

Diamond Glove Award Winners:
P: Mario Troyer (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
C: Eugene Toombs (Miami Vices)
1B: Lester Pawlak (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
2B: Daniel Baptista (Minneapolis Lumberjacks)
SS: Oscar Medina (New Orleans Mardi Gras)
3B: Evelio Olivares (Racine Secrets)
LF: Miguel Salinas (Racine Secrets)
CF: Darrick "Superman" Carson (Seattle Coffeemen)
RF: Bennie Taylor (Racine Secrets)
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:51 AM   #116
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Late June now. It's All-Star Weekend, Octopus League style, where fans around the country are getting their votes in to determine who will be named All-Stars, along with some other awards.

Do I expect any Secrets to be the receipient of any accolades? No. The team was that bad this year. Though I do find myself wishing Nigel had included the DH position in the All-Star voting. After all, we are a DH league and maybe Scotty could have qualified for that.

Sighing, I lie in my bed, my arms wrapped around my giant stuffed Eeyore, a get well present from my mother some years ago. The evening outside is warm and balmy, with just enough of a light breeze to add zest to the senses, the accompanying starlight and purple sky creating an aura of serene mystery and optimism. One has the sensation on this regal night that anything at all can happen, be it Good or Bad.

Only tonight my thoughts aren't on the potential shifts of life that seem to buzz in the air. Instead, they wander down the familiar, muchly beaten path of thoughts on girls. Yes, I know... with my stuffy hugging and my incessant thoughts of females, one would think me fifteen as opposed to twenty-five. But the latter age I indeed am.

More specifically, my mental musings morbid be, fixated as they are on that sad and unhappy valley of ashes that is the resting place of the death of relationship hopes. It is not just any deceased dream that is interred here, however. No, it is of a unique sort, that of those ethereal sylphs murdered by the cruelest way of extinction possible... the slow burn of actualization.

This method does not come in an instantaneous epiphany. That would be too blissfully brief, too heartfeltly humane. No, when one's enchanted visions concerning a beloved girl or boy are extinguished in this fashion, it is a realization that is gradual in nature.

We float along in our worlds of happy imaginings that are full of bright colours, songs, and dances, aflame with the joy that yes, yes, we *are* preferred, we *are* adored. Everything will end in the happily ever after common in the musicals and love stories we frequently borrow the stuff of in shaping our magically incarnated universe.

But then, little by little, bit by bit, we notice that holes are appearing in the velvet plush of our security blanket of love. The excuses come marching one by one: 'Oh, I'm not in the mood...'; 'I'm busy'; or even no excuse at all, just a terrifying silence whose black void is attempted to be patched over by a later excuse: 'My sister came over so I had to go'; 'I was working on homework so I didn't want to answer the door' and so on. At first we believe the objects of our affections, for after all, these are quite normal things that can and do happen to everyone.

Yet the gaps grow larger in size and more frequent in number. We begin to get the first inklings that something is not quite right. Yet, we do not want to believe what our instincts are telling us and so we begin to rationalize, to make excuses for them, all the while sitting in the chambers of our hearts, plucking at flowers and whispering in trembling voices as we pick petals: 'They love me, they love me not, they love me, they love me not, they love me..." all the while hoping, praying, that when the last piece is played out, that we will in the end land on their affirmed love for us. Yes, they *do* love us! Our sanctuary and visions need not be abandoned! Sound the trumpets, call out one and all, for we have won the day in this dark hour!

...But then time goes on, the crushing wheel of Fortune turning steadily onwards, the weight of the evidences that we can not ignore forever piling on until we are nearly suffocating from them. It is then, when we are near the breaking point, that we finally cry out the entireity of our held-back uncertainties and worries. We plead for honesty, for truth! Give it to us in black and white, and dull not the edge of the blade, no matter how sharp it be!

They listen, frown, and tilt their heads. Oh, but they did not realize that all this was going on! We have nothing to worry about, they reassure us. We are still favoured; we are still prized highly. Calmed and secure for that night, we go on our way.

But it doesn't last. The cycle of inconsistencies is renewed, we question again, they protest their fidelity, we are restored for a brief time, then are confronted with conflicts of stories, seek out answers, are whispered sweet words to, and so on.

This pattern continues for several times, each time they growing more and more weary of us, each time we becoming more and more uncertain as to the veracity of their claims.

Then the moment comes where both they and we are stretched to the breaking point and the truth comes out. They confess that they do not care so much for us and that either it is not our fault that they do not feel anything for us anymore, or that we are guilty of crimes that have caused them to lose their affection.

And yet, that final blow is not as crushing as one might expect. To be sure, we will cry and swear and believe there is nothing good with the world anymore. Our pain will last for a certain amount of time. We will get better, then slip and fall back into despair again, then climb back up again. We might well rise and fall many times before we are finally over them, but eventually we do reach a point where the crest is passed and we are on the other side. This is true of any shattered dream-world with Love as it God/Goddess-Creator.

However, those who are buried in the Valley of Ashes have a unique way of regaining the summit. Here, the feelings we have for them are frequently still strong after the actualization is complete and so we cry. We cry and cry and cry until we are nearly drowning in the river of tears we have created and there is nothing left to shed. Then, to keep from drowning in our sea of sorrow, and to save ourselves, we become cold and unfeeling, numb to those who had held our hearts in their hands and squeezed them until the beating muscles exploded into smithereens.

Frost and assassination of feeling is the only way to keep from dying.

Perhaps this is what Frost the poet meant when he said that he would hold with those who favour fire as a means of death, but at the second time, he would suffice with ice.

Oh, unhappy evening and miserable thoughts, why must you plague me?!

Where is my forever joy?!
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:52 AM   #117
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My hands are shaking, the lines of my palms faults upon which the earthquakes of my trembling are founded.

Did that make sense? No, I don't think so. But then, it's hard to know right now what falls in the realm of Logic and what is in the camp of Outlier Analomies. Redundancy, thou hast made me thy bitch.

The last several hours spent looping the same two Hanson songs on incessant repeat. Am I obsessive-compulsive? Some have suspected in times past. Ah, not let us think of that Pennsylvanian hippopotamus. Fat women are the most effective sex drive killer since castration. Unless of course you are a member of that farcical group who ludicriously call themselves BBW Lovers. Yes, love large ladies largely, lads. It'll be all worth it when you're staring down at their corpse twenty or thirty years before their time after the Knave of Hearts has attacked en masse and staged a successful coup, the Queen too bloated with bureaucracy of fat to resist him.

I myself was thin in my youth and to this day remain deliciously thin-armed. Would that I could say the same for the rest of my body. There is a gut to my stomach, my wretched waist ever-expanding. Exercise and a good diet are what I need to take on, but lazy me is loathe to make the effort.

The last time I ate? Misty is my memory; I do not remember. Too, I can not recall the last time I stole to the sanctuary of sleep. A day ago? Two? When one is deprived of dreaming in slumbering, the so-called real world becomes altered and surreal as a matter of compensation.

Hark! From the white box named The Fridge, there comes the lucky leprechaun green summons of a Mountain Dew.

I go to answer.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:52 AM   #118
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I'm numb.

Why the **** does this always happen? Why?!

Why is it that every damn time something good actually starts happening in my life and it looks as though I actually have a purpose in life, something comes along to take it away?!

My vision is lost, drowned in the unceasing waterfalls of my tears. Beneath me, the printed page is dampened, softened and weakened by the drops that crash onto its thin surface.

This can't be real. It can't.

But it is.

The headline leers up at me, proud and savage in the horror it reports, unaffected by the eye rain falling on it.

Octopus League Patriarch Nigel Benvuneto Found Dead In His Home

The man who dazzled the media with his soundbites and won the affection of small-league baseball fans around the country died last night.

Nigel Benvuneto, 73, was found dead in his bed at around seven p.m. by a maid who came to wake him from his usual evening nap. An autopsy report early this morning revealed that he died in his sleep of natural causes.

Benvuneto started the Octopus League just this last year and the association did very well in its first season, though it was not without controversy, mostly centred around the Memphis Rebels team and the commissioner's repeated defense of their existence.

With the former shipping tycoon's death, the future of the league is said to be in very serious doubt. His sons and daughters have expressed no interest in continuing the Octopus League and it is believed that the teams will not be able to survive financially without the revenue sharing agreement established at the league's startup.

***End Excerpt***

There's more there, some quotes and biographical information that I don't want to read right now, because if I read it, then it just becomes true again.

Damn it, I don't want it to be true!

I want to tear the newspaper up, make it so that it isn't real. It's not happening, it's not!!

...But it is.

A great man and a great league have both died, and with them, my baseball ambitions.

Rest In Peace, Nigel and the Octopus League.

I hardly knew ye... and yet, I loved ye.
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Old 04-21-2005, 12:54 AM   #119
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Okay folks, that's the run of the first dynasty thread.

I'll post what I've got started of the followup tomorrow.

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?
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Old 04-27-2005, 09:34 AM   #120
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Izulde
Okay folks, that's the run of the first dynasty thread.

I'll post what I've got started of the followup tomorrow.

Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions?
Where is the Phoenix?

I know you are out there . . .
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Old 05-02-2005, 12:05 PM   #121
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SelzShoes
Where is the Phoenix?

I know you are out there . . .

Coming up now, actually.
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Old 09-05-2005, 09:43 PM   #122
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River Series Revived!

In an absolutely stunning reversal, the St. Louis Cardinals have decided to allow the Octopus League to play the 2004 River Series in Busch Stadium after all.

A spokesman for the Major League team announced, "In light of Mr. Nigel Benvuneto's death, we thought it only fair to the Octopus League fan, teams, players, coaches, and employees that the Octopus League be allowed to play their championship game in St. Louis this year."

No word yet on whether or not the league will continue to be able to play the River Series in subsequent years, or even if the Octopus itself will continue to swim in the world of professional sports.

But for this year at least, we will find out who the true champions are, as the Miami Vices and the San Diego Bishops get set to square off in the inaugural River Series.

Tickets are on sale through Ticketmaster online.

The Game 1 matchup is expected to feature the two best pitchers in the Octopus League, Allen Davidson of the Miami Vices and Heriberto Perez of the San Diego Bishops.
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:56 PM   #123
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Old 09-11-2005, 01:54 AM   #124
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The Octopus League's Greatest Hero Leaves The League For His Country

With the recent fighting in Iraq continuing to escalate, Curtis "CJ" Jones of the Miami Vices announced today that he is hereby returning back to active duty in the Navy and will not return to the Octopus League.

"I love everything that the Octopus League has done for me. The players, the coaches, the fans, the employees, everyone associated with the Miami Vices and the league as a whole have been nothing short of fantastic. But we have people dying over there and I don't feel right playing baseball back in the States anymore."

Jones further went on to say that he'd reached an agreement with the League office whereby his regular season statistics will no longer be counted as part of the record books, in fairness to those that are playing the entire season.

The move, while lauded by virtually everyone associated with the Octopus League and the Vices in particular, has the Miami faithful worried that the departure of their biggest superstar and the league's most important face will impact their chances significantly in the River Series against the San Diego Bishops.

We'll find out soon as the River Series kicks off tonight in St. Louis.
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Old 09-11-2005, 04:06 AM   #125
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I'm tired. So unbelievably tired. I wanted to just fly from Milwaukee to St. Louis, but Delbert insisted that we all caravan it down here for the River Series, so that's what we did after a week of intense planning and getting everything established.

Right now I'm in the hotel room. It's a pretty shabby place, with a lot of dust and the heavy smell of smoke from past guests. The ventilation system here is sadly lacking, much like my skills with fair and fair-haired young women.

I want to sleep, but can't bring myself to it. The joys of being overtired... You drone along in an unsteady rhythm with blood-cracked eyes, wishing the bliss of slumber, but it doesn't come. So you stay awake, maybe even get slaphappy after a while. That's how I feel now, I'd have to say.

Besides, the game is due to start in a couple hours and I can't miss it.

On the table, under a weak light that keeps flickering, is a copy of The Tentacle. CJ's article is in there, the one where he says he's leaving to go back out to war. I understand why he did it and even consider him noble for doing so, but I don't like that it hurts the Vices' chances at the title. That it hurts Allen Davidson's chances, more specifically. As someone who has spent most of my life fighting back against conceptions that I wasn't good enough and against my own failures, I feel his pain and passion, and I want to see the ring on his finger to make it all worthwhile.

The issue also has a preview of the River Series itself, which I just got done reading.

I think I'll go reread it.

Octopus League River Series Preview:

Tonight the River Series starts at Busch Stadium in St. Louis and it promises to be an exciting competition, particularly after Curtis Jones's abrupt resignation from the league. Here's a position-by-position breakdown of the starters and who has the edge.

Catcher:

Miami Vices:
Eugene Toombs is batting .255 with just 4 extra-base hits. He hasn't been a real run producer, but he was superb on defense in the regular season. No errors and 47.4% of baserunners got thrown out thanks to his arm. He even had a double play to go with his 9 assists and 166 putouts.

San Diego Bishops:
Daniel Alvarez's offensive numbers: .273/.359/.443/.802. He's Toombs's superior in every way with the bat, getting 4 HRs and 20 RBIs in his 24 games. Clearly a key component to the Bishops' attack as he's their #3 hitter. On defense, he hasn't been so spectacular. 5 errors and a 23.1 baserunners thrown out % isn't going to cut it against the likes of say, Miami's William Canterbury.

Advantage: Miami
Alvarez's hitting numbers just can't make up enough for the defensive gap between himself and Tombs.

First Base

Miami Vices:
Neal Penney is the East Division league leader in batting average and HRs at .337 and 7 respectively after Curtis Jones's removal from the statistics. He's also third in runs with 16 and will have to have a big River Series if the Vices are to win, for Miami's counting on him to fill in the gap that CJ left. Although he doesn't have much range, he's committed just one error thus far at first base.

San Diego Bishops
21 year old Jeremy McCleery is one of the Octopus League's brightest young stars, as he's hitting .278 and finished with 6 HRs in the regular season. He, too, committed only one error before the playoffs and there's some who argue that he should have won the Rookie of the Year award over teammate Jose Leyba.

Advantage: Miami
About the same defense, but Penney powers past McCleery. Give it a few years though, and it'll be Jeremy who is arguably the top first baseman in the league.

Second Base:

Miami Vices
He may be 30 years old and only batting .259, but William Canterbury is one of the top leadoff hitters in the entire Octopus League. With a ratio of 19 BBs/10 K's, he's got a great eye and the fact that he leads the league in steals with 14 is nothing to sneeze at either. Part of 8 double plays in the field with just one error. Average range, but still good enough to get the job done, obviously.

San Diego Bishops
Bryan Prioleau hit a weak .224 and had an astonishing 7 BBs/26 Ks but he also hit 8 doubles and 5 HRs. Still, it's not the extrabase hits that's earned him accolades; it's his phenomenal range in the field that helped him to turn 20 double plays and only make one error. With him out there, the Bishops' infield D is a great one.

Advantage: Draw
Canterbury's better contact, exceptional eye, and phenomenal base-stealing are counterbalanced by Prioleau's XBHs and stellar defense. Expect to see William take advantage of Alvarez's poor arm in the series to rack up the steals, though.

Shortstop:

Miami Vices
14 BBs/13 Ks is a good thing concerning Deon Maya. And though his batting average is only a pedestrian .267, he hits .381 against lefties, something that won't be a factor in the River Series, as San Diego only has one lefty on their staff, 3rd starter and Rookie of the Year Jose Leyba. On defense, Maya had 2 errors and was generally speaking, an okay player out there.

San Diego Bishops
Yes, Erik Aitken only hit .228 on the year and yes he had just 4 BBs to a horrendous 23 Ks, but he's not there for his bat. He's there because of his stellar defense. As Chicago Pale Hose manager Craig Knox one said, "Aitken may suck with the bat, but he plays Major League Baseball quality defense." No word yet on whether or not Mr. Aitken will in fact be joining the Pale Hose. The numbers back up Mr. Knox's claims, as Erik was absolutely flawless playing shortstop, with 0 errors and engineering 15 double plays.

Advantage: San Diego
Maya's lefty-killing does nothing for the Vices and Aitken is the single best defensive shortstop in the Octopus League.

Third Base

Miami Vices
David Bailey was expected to be one of the Octopus League's top rookies, but he struggled horribly at the plate, batting just .177 with 27 strikeouts and only 4 walks. On the plus side, he did show some pop with 4 HRs. Sadly, David was also terrible defensively, committing 4 errors for a .926 fielding %

San Diego Bishops
Donald Stine is one of the league's best contact hitters, as evidenced by his .357 average. Some consider him to be an even better hitter than Octopus League batting champion Wayne Dewitt, who captured the average title with a .393 showing. Defensively speaking, he made 3 errors, but was still able to convert a lot of plays, thanks to having Prioleau and Aitken as his infield mates.

Advantage: San Diego
Bailey just isn't ready for the big time and he may in fact be the Vices' biggest Achilles heel in this series.

Left Field:

Miami Vices
With the loss of Jones, the Vices are forced to juggle their outfield and as a result, former bench player James Wireman is thrust into the lineup, accompanied by a nauseating .107 average. Sample size might apply here though, because it's based on just 28 at-bats. Similarily, his perfect execution in the outfield may also be the result of too small a sample size.

San Diego Bishops
Freddie Villalobos hit .207 on the year, but like teammate Aitken, is here for his defense. Exceptional range and fielding without error in the regular season makes him prototypical of this Bishops squad that relies on superb team defense and amazing starting pitching to win.

Advantage: San Diego:
Losing Jones probably kills any chance that the Vices had to win the Series and this is a prime example as to why.

Center Field:

Miami Vices
Mark Burges hit .179 as the LF starter, now moved to CF. He also had 8 walks to 20 strikeouts. Are you starting to get the idea yet just how much CJ meant to this Miami team? If he had left earlier in the year, we'd probably be seeing the Memphis Rebels in the River Series. Though he was quite good on defense in LF during the regular season, expect to see a few more miscues as he shifts away from his natural position in left.

San Diego Bishops
Timothy Chesson's 3 BBs/13 Ks isn't what you want to see in a leadoff hitter. To that we say, so what? The man is not only the second-best base thief in the league behind Canterbury, he's also hitting .296. Want more? How about the fact that he didn't make even one error out in CF? The real debate here should be whether Canterbury or Chesson is the best leadoff hitter in the Octopus League.

Advantage: San Diego
Chesson is a true talent. Burges is a sack of crap, at least in center. Enough said.

Right Field

Miami Vices
Bobbie Calhoun hit .260 and had a few doubles and HRs. It's sad to say that he becomes one of Miami's key offensive weapons now that CJ is gone. On the positive side, he was errorfree in the field.

San Diego Bishops
So Glenn Reed only hit .187? That's pretty bad, but the man also jacked 7 HRs. Sure he had 25 strikeouts vs 9 walks, but the man hit 7 HRs to lead the West Division. He may have made an error, but he has a cannon of an arm and had 4 assists and 2 double plays. Oh and he hit 7 HRs that led the West. Chicks dig the long ball.

Advantage: San Diego
We dig both chicks and the long ball.

Designated Hitter

Miami Vices
In 16 games, Carl Zimmerman hit .362 and had 2 HR and 8 doubles, good for 13 RBIs. This is a very good thing, an excellent thing indeed. Just the kind of exceptional hitting you like to see from the guy who's there just to hit. 3 BBs/4 K's is a decent ratio, too.

San Diego Bishops
.206 with 1 HR and 1 double, and only 6 RBIs? Say it ain't so, San Diego. But it is and Edgardo Chevarria may be the most useless DH in the league. Did we mention he has 5 BBs/18 Ks?

Advantage: Miami
The streak of San Diego is shattered.

We won't go into the pitching matchups here, as everyone is familiar with the Davidson versus Perez debate already and nothing will change their mind as to which the better pitcher is.

We still say Allen Davidson gives Miami the ace advantage though, even if San Diego has a more complete set of starters and the best bullpen in the Octopus League. At closer, we'll take Proven Closer (TM) Anton Arispe over his San Diego counterpart.

Predicted Champions: San Diego Bishops

The Vices just have too much of their talent stripped away with CJ going back to the Navy.

***End Article***

They're probably right, but I wish they weren't. Poor Allen Davidson. I really want him to get the ring.
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Old 09-11-2005, 04:52 PM   #126
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My chin is warm and moist as the sizzling juice from the hot dog dribbles down from my mouth onto my shirt. But I don't care. This is what a baseball game is all about, ballpark food and relaxing in your seat with a Mike's Hard Lemonade in your other hand.

Scotty's on one side of me, Delbert's on the other. On the mound, Heriberto Perez is just finishing up his last warm-up pitches. The game's just about to start.

And then it does, as lanky William Canterbury comes loping up to the mound, a determined look on the veteran's face, intense and focused. I'd like to see him really blow away Daniel Alvarez's weak arm and get the first run of the game after getting on base.

But then he hits one to his leadoff counterpart, Timothy Chesson, and his speed threat is neutralized.

Hope fills me when Toombs reaches second on a throwing error by Stine, but it all turns to nothing when Penney grounds out and Maya strikes out to end the top half of the first.

Davidson decimates the top of the San Diego order to finish out the first and Heriberto follows suit with a 1-2-3 of the Vices in the top of the second, including two strikeouts. Not to be outdone, Davidson matches the three up and three down in the bottom of the second and after two it's 0-0 and looking every bit the pitcher's duel we expect from these guys.

Then, in the top of the third, Perez allows Wireman to get ahead of him in the count and the new starter takes advantage by smacking a single into the left field corner. Here comes hope again.

Here comes a potential double play that has my breath caught in my throat, but Canterbury Tales beats out the throw and steals second a pitch later.

And then the very man who was criticized for not having the big bat that his San Diego version does, catcher Eugene Toombs comes through with a mighty double and just like that, the Vices are up 1-0. I cheer loudly and stand up to dance a jig in my seat, only to be shoved down by Delbert who grins and says, "Shut up. It's only the third inning." Dumb Delbert. It's his fault for betting $300 on the Bishops.

Much like my celebration, the burst of Miami scoring is brief, as a groundout ends the nominal away team's half.

But that's okay, because Davidson continues his masterful outing on the mound by taking out the Bishops in order. It looks like Allen's going to prove all the naysayers wrong once again if he keeps pitching at this rate.

A walk and two strikeouts get added to the San Diego starter's total as the Vices come up empty in the top of the fourth, but Allen's gem stays flawless as he puts together another 1-2-3 inning with two strikeouts of his own. I'm gleeful that my favourite pitcher in the whole league is taking command in this premium pitching matchup.

The K's continue to mount up in the first half of the fifth, as Heriberto gets 2 more strikeouts to bring his total for the day to 7 thus far. Davidson matches him K for K and he, too, stands at 7 strikeouts by the end of the fifth inning. Both starters have a postseason quality start under their belts now and this game is proving beautiful to watch.

A single by Maya produces nothing in the end, though Perez is starting to look a little ragged around the edges and I begin to get the feeling that Miami can bust the game open soon.

My heart zooms up to my throat and I started panicking when Davidson just barely plunks Prioleau on the arm and Bryan follows it up by stealing second, but Wireman continues his brilliant defensive play in left by chasing down a fly ball to keep the Vices up 1-0.

In the top of the seventh, Perez hits Burges in retaliation for the HBP in the last half-frame and, in what continues the theme of maligned Miami men getting hot with the bat, David Bailey belts a screaming double to score Burges and put Miami up 2-0. My whoops of jubiliation are even louder and more exuburiant than before and this time Delbert doesn't try and shut me up, especially when I smugly inform him, "It's the top of the 7th. Your Bishops are running out of time." Though a walk after that doesn't translate into more runs, by the end of the half-inning, Perez's pitch count is up to 103 and it doesn't look as though he'll be long for the game.

This compared to Allen Davidson who looks calm, cool, collected, and composed as he nets himself another three up-three down inning and though I hate to speak of it for fear of jinxing it, has a no-hitter going through 7 innings.

Perez has clearly lost command of his pitches by the top of the 8th inning, as he walks one and nearly allows two more, but escapes without accruing any more damage.

Oh, how I hate you Donald Stine! He ruins the no-hit bid by stroking a sizzling single in the bottom of the eighth and in retaliation, Davidson strikes out the next batter, but then makes me turn a little green in the face by giving up a single to Aitken. Men on first and second now, with just one out.

But then Maddening Maya engineers a double play and the Vices escape! Hooray!

The top of the ninth is Heriberto Perez's death blow, as Hateful Stine commits his second error of the game and a single later, Miami has runners at the corners. In comes Lee Keitt in relief, who isn't one of the Bishops' best bullpen boys. It looks as though San Diego is conceding the game. And concede it they do, as the Vices shoot up the Bishops for 4 more runs and going into the bottom of the 9th, the score is 6-0 Miami.

Davidson gets a strikeout and a groundout to finish off the ninth even though he's extremely tired. Then he gives up a walk and Bob Costas pisses me off by sending in a reliever, denying Allen the shutout and complete game he so rightfully deserves.

A flyout later and it's all done.

Allen Davidson has singlehandedly destroyed the Bishops and cemented his reputation as the Octopus League's greatest pitcher, allowing 0 runs, walking 1, and striking out 10 in his postseason debut.

Heriberto Perez, on the other hand, is starting to add to his legacy of not being clutch when the pressure is on, despite getting 8 strikeouts in his own first playoff appearance.

Either way, I don't care. I'm happy. The Vices are up 1-0 and all seems right with the world right now.
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