OT - Roll Your Own Spouse, RPG style

[QuikSand]

Roll Your Own Spouse

I figure many people here are former RPG players – many probably started with the well-known standby D&D, what with its clever little system of character attributes to help represent a character’s varied strengths and weaknesses. I thought this might be an interesting exercise… using the same kind of “language” to instead measure a somewhat more important “character” – a potential, or even ideal, spouse.

(And by my universal use of "spouse" I just mean lifelong romantic partner - however you choose to maintain or identify that relationship is up to the two of you.)

So, here’s the setup – deliberately patterned after the character creation model in D&D:


Your spouse for a lifetime will be defined in terms of six attributes. Each will be graded on a scale from 3 to 18, with 18 representing the highest possible value, and 3… well, you get the idea. A score of 10 is generally considered “average” among the population in that respect.

Here are the six attributes:

PER – Yes, “she has a great personality” is a blind date cliché, but there’s no doubt that personality goes a long way. This encompasses things like sense of humor, conversational skills, pleasantness, good manners, and all that sort of thing.

HOT – Doubtless, one of the things we seek in a mate—either for biologically ingrained reasons or those more hedonistic—is, for lack of a better term, hotness. This encompasses physical appearance, presentation, and the general feminine wiles (or the masculine equivalent, if that’s the gender you’re building).

INT – Yes, we will actually double up with D&D here, and consider intelligence as its own characteristic. This includes actual knowledge, but also things like perspective, intuition, education (to some degree), and eloquence.

MOM – Here we attempt to wrap together the various maternal gifts (or, once again, their male equivalents, if that’s the gender you’re building). Here we include care for children and family, tending for sick, and even other domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, handiwork, killing bugs, whatever is suitable for the mate of your gender.

BED – We include here the range of more private matters, under the rubric bedroom. We seek to go past desirability (located elsewhere), but rather will include things like sexual aggressiveness, interest, adventurousness, and…er... “ability.”

SUP – Here we include the ability to support you and/or your family. This might range from the degree of education and valuable skills in the workplace, to the degree of interest in spending time at work – but could also include possessed resources from other means.



Okay – The Challenge.

Now, you get to build your own perfect mate, using the six characteristics set forth above. We’ll do this using a system something like what we see in online gaming (NWN and the like) – a “resource point” system giving you the flexibility you want.

You will start with a “blank slate” spouse with a rating of 10 in everything, plus you have 20 “resource points” to use to enhance her or him. Here’s how you spend your budget of resource points:

It costs 1 resource point to increase any skill by one point to a number as high as 14
It costs 2 resource points to increase any skill by one point to a number of 15 or 16
It costs 3 resource points to increase any skill by one point to a number of 17 or 18
You gain back a resource point by reducing any skill by a point below 10
You gain a bonus resource point if you reduce a skill below 6

If you prefer, here’s a simple list of the “cost” for each possible attribute value:

18 costs 14
17 costs 11
16 costs 8
15 costs 6
14 costs 4
13 costs 3
12 costs 2
11 costs 1
10 costs nothing
9 gives back 1
8 gives back 2
7 gives back 3
6 gives back 4
5 gives back 6
4 gives back 8
3 gives back 10


Your final mate, using this system, must work within the rules above – you may use 20 resource points to make adjustments, netting out the costs of increases and any gains from decreases.

This, of course, is a purely hypothetical exercise – not intended to lessen the importance, value, or self-esteem of any current or prospective spouses or significant others of readers or participants. Any inadvertent result along those lines is the fault of the author, and is sincerely regretted. In the event that this becomes an issue, I'd suggest that the savvy FOFC participant already has a spouse or SO with ratings far in excess of the limitations here - so this exercise would represent "settling" for something far less than he or she already has. Whew.

[Fritz]

For a second I was thinking that MOM was a score rating how well you get along with her mom. since that is what she will become.

[Fritz]

PER 14
HOT 13
INT 12
MOM 13
BED 14
SUP 14

[Daimyo]

PER 14
HOT 14
INT 12
MOM 14
BED 14
SUP 12

(assuming the bonuses come at even numbers, otherwise maybe put a 15 at PER and a 10 at SUP)

Did we just jump the shark?

[QuikSand]

Originally posted by Daimyo
Did we just jump the shark?

Very on point.

[cuervo72]

Hmm....but we may just have a new way to rate women - the PHIMBS system.

Methinks there may be a few of us out here who might place ourselves at mild risk should we list an "ideal" that doesn't exactly jibe with reality.....

[Fritz]

Originally posted by cuervo72
Hmm....but we may just have a new way to rate women - the PHIMBS system.

Methinks there may be a few of us out here who might place ourselves at mild risk should we list an "ideal" that doesn't exactly jibe with reality.....

reality? Mrs. Fritz would not have used up the 20 extra points. She may even have to rebate a few....

[Syrinx]

Per: 14
Hot: 15
Int: 14
Mom: 12
Bed: 18
Sup: 3

Not too far off from reality. My wife is a stay at home mom (who hates to cook), and hasn't had a paying job in 9 years.

[cuervo72]

I'll just say that once one is a Mrs., the importance of the attributes are weighted differently than before.

[Radii]

PER 14
HOT 10
INT 14
MOM 14
BED 17
SUP 7

Good personality, smart, good parenting skills, amazing in bed, I'll bring home the bacon for all that.

[Ksyrup]

Just to shake things up a bit and provide for an "alternate reality," I went with an "ideal" which is quite different than Mrs. Ksyrup, in that this ideal would not bear children and would be career-oriented:

P - 16
H - 13
I - 14
M - 3
B - 14
S - 17

The obvious thing here is that you don't really gain much in the other categories by dropping one down to almost nothing. But like I said, I thought I'd try something different than what has already been posted.

[Radii]

I'm suprised that I'm the only one who has kept the HOT rating at 10 so far... average looks is more than good enough if you've got all that other stuff, I even considered dropping the HOT rating a couple of points to get the BED rating to a max of 18

[Ksyrup]

I thought about dropping it down, but you don't gain much unless you drop it way down.

[QuikSand]

Howzabout this trophy wife?

PER 14
HOT 18
INT 6
MOM 10
BED 18
SUP 6

[cuervo72]

Hmm, not bad. Is it possible to have a 14 PER and a 6 INT?

I wonder who the closest real life example of this might be.....?

[QuikSand]

Originally posted by cuervo72
I wonder who the closest real life example of this might be.....?

I'm thinking Melanie Griffith... (she's pretty debatable on the hotness scale, but I'd guess that everything else fits pretty well)

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by QuikSand
I'm thinking Melanie Griffith... (she's pretty debatable on the hotness scale, but I'd guess that everything else fits pretty well)

Hmm, good point. She does definitely have personality, and isn't all that bright. She probably would have a SUP better than 6 though. In her day she was pretty darned hot (Night Moves, Joyride, a couple of other movies from the mid-70's).

[Ksyrup]

Yes, I'm sure we all know how great she is in bed.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Ksyrup
Yes, I'm sure we all know how great she is in bed.

eh, I've had better

[QuikSand]

Yes, I imagine it's tough to find any celebrity who doesn't have a high rating for SUP, so I kind of set that aside for this analysis. Unless you consider a high-maintenance, champagne- tastes spouse to be the opposite of a high support rating-- someone like Ms. Griffith might, today, qualify as a ney drain on one's income - should you choose to support her.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by QuikSand
Yes, I imagine it's tough to find any celebrity who doesn't have a high rating for SUP

I give you Willie Nelson....

[cuervo72]

Good point, and I had thought of SUP being a problem as far as celebs were concerned. I had not considered lifestyle though.

I was thinking that Elin Nordegren would be a pretty good trophy wife....

[mrsimperless]

COO - Where is the cooking stat??

[cuervo72]

Originally posted by mrsimperless
COO - Where is the cooking stat??

An argument could be made that that would be part of MOM, but I think they might need to be distinct.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by mrsimperless
COO - Where is the cooking stat??

RTFM

"MOM – Here we attempt to wrap together the various maternal gifts (or, once again, their male equivalents, if that’s the gender you’re building). Here we include care for children and family, tending for sick, and even other domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, handiwork, killing bugs, whatever is suitable for the mate of your gender"

[Runtheball]

PER 12
HOT 14
INT 15
MOM 13
BED 12
SUP 13

Intelligence is sexy! And as a new 40 year old, BED just doesn't have the significance that it once had. Come to think of it, if she's intelligent AND hot, I might not even make it into bed.

[Abe Sargent]

My ideal wife (currently not married, but I have a serious gf)


PER 18

I mean, seriously, this is why I would even want a mate, partner, etc. Otherwise, no sense in having one.


HOT 8

Who cares? It doesn't matter what a woman looks like, every woman is hot when she's laying naked in your arms and staring up at you.


INT 18

I need an intellectual equal or else I quickly dominate any relationship I am in through sheer intelligence. And that's just not acceptable.


MOM 3

I have no intention to ever have children. As long as she can nuke a burrito or warm a pot pie then she can cook better than I.


BED 12

I want her to be able to find Hunter and the Jimmies. And not tickle me doing so. You'd be amazed at thow many women tickle me when they are trying to be sexy. Sad.


SUP 12

Want me a chieck who is independant enough to handle herself in stressful situations. If something happened to me, I got fired, etc, then I want a breadwinner. Someone with marketable skills and a prefession, not a job.

-Anxiety

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Anxiety
My ideal wife (currently not married, but I have a serious gf)

HOT 8

Who cares? It doesn't matter what a woman looks like, every woman is hot when she's laying naked in your arms and staring up at you.

are you serious?

[Abe Sargent]

Originally posted by Fritz
are you serious?

Yup, every woman is hot. I've noticed that my female associates are at their hottest when they are naked (no surprise there) and looking up at me with their eyes, chin on my admittedly hairy chest, about a foot to two feet from my face. That's their hottest. And every woman is hot that way, even the one that I thought was not so much.

-Anxiety

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Anxiety
Yup, every woman is hot. I've noticed that my female associates are at their hottest when they are naked (no surprise there) and looking up at me with their eyes, chin on my admittedly hairy chest, about a foot to two feet from my face. That's their hottest. And every woman is hot that way, even the one that I thought was not so much.

-Anxiety

I need your sloppy seconds then, because I have seen a few who are a box of cloves short of being a ham.

[RendeR]

Originally posted by Anxiety



INT 18

I need an intellectual equal or else I quickly dominate any relationship I am in through sheer intelligence. And that's just not acceptable.

If yer looking for an intellectual equal, you ought to save yourself a bunch of points here

[RendeR]

PER 16
HOT 16
INT 16
MOM 8
BED 9
SUP 9


Here is my option. I want a woman with good looks, and great personality and a brain. She doesn't have to be einstein, just smart enough not to sound like a valley girl.

Mom is a learned practice, I've got kids, I can teach parenting and housekeeping skills, bed is also a learned item. I enjoy growing and learning what my partner likes and dislikes and teaching her what I want as well.

support, fuckit, we'll live on Ramen and Easy Mac. remember, its who she is, not what she can do.

[QuikSand]

Originally posted by RendeR
If yer looking for an intellectual equal, you ought to save yourself a bunch of points here

Had you only punctuated that sentence with a derisive "Einstein" I think it would have been exactly what I was prepared to type.

[RPI-Fan]

support, fuckit, we'll live on Ramen and Easy Mac

Didn't know you were into that sort of thing, RendeR.

[RendeR]

I was trying to be inulting yet polite

[Swaggs]

Originally posted by Anxiety
Yup, every woman is hot. I've noticed that my female associates are at their hottest when they are naked (no surprise there) and looking up at me with their eyes, chin on my admittedly hairy chest, about a foot to two feet from my face. That's their hottest. And every woman is hot that way, even the one that I thought was not so much.

-Anxiety

Okay....what about the girl with the eye makeup from the Drew Carey Show...how hot would she be looking up at you?

[Ksyrup]

With regard to looks, you could just go with the answer a classmate of mine in college gave to a professor when the professor asked him if he remembered what a particular female in our class looked like:

"I don't know, all I could see was the top of her head. Sorry."

[Abe Sargent]

Originally posted by Swaggs
Okay....what about the girl with the eye makeup from the Drew Carey Show...how hot would she be looking up at you?

Nah, she'd be nasty, but she'd also be a 3. My ideal chick was definately higher than 3.

-Anxiety

[kcchief19]

Any chance Anxiety is actually Larry Eustacy? Big girls need lovin' too, I suppose.

PER 16
HOT 16
INT 16
MOM 5
BED 10
SUP 12

If kids were part of the equation, I'd have to up the MOM quotient. In following the sex-is-like-pizza logic, I figure trading off some of BED for more HOT is a good tradeoff. PER and INT are important, but I figure that a 13% drop in HOT isn't worth a 6% gain in one of those categories, especially with my average BED rating. Of course, if I didn't want someone to go out an get me straws and Gatorade when I'm sick, I could drop that MOM score even further.

[QuikSand]

Hmm...bump?

(Love that there were timestamp problems in the original thread, and now it still refuses to cooperate after a decade-later exhumation)

[Subby]

Originally Posted by Abe Sargent

HOT 8

Who cares? It doesn't matter what a woman looks like, every woman is hot when she's laying naked in your arms and staring up at you.

lol

No.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

Good point, and I had thought of SUP being a problem as far as celebs were concerned. I had not considered lifestyle though.

I was thinking that Elin Nordegren would be a pretty good trophy wife....

Prescient in that Tiger Woods didn't get engaged to her for another 6 months from the timestamp, according to wiki

EDIT: Also, I'm thinking crazy needs to be factored in like a handicap in an RPG (damn there are a lot of colorblind adventurers running around because of the free points you get for that sort of thing)

SI

[MacroGuru]

I rolled mine up but she was promptly killed by a pack of midgets wearing sombreros filled with Nacho Cheese humping sandwiches.......OR I am just jaded...

[Julio Riddols]

PER 16
HOT 12
INT 10
MOM 7
BED 17
SUP 12

If I had to try and replicate my fiancee, I'd go with the above. If I could divide the mom points up within the category, 6 of the points would go to caring for children and 1 to cleaning. I do the cooking and cleaning mostly - although to be fair, my cleaning is more like damage control and her cleaning is more thorough. She is like the BASF of our household in a way.

I would consider her my ideal woman, because for me great sex and companionship with someone who suits you from a personality standpoint makes life a shit ton easier. Everything else that manages to get above 10 is just an added bonus.

[Vince, Pt. II]

I am amazed that I missed this the first time around.

[cuervo72]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Prescient in that Tiger Woods didn't get engaged to her for another 6 months from the timestamp, according to wiki

Huh.

I never did fill this out. Still might not, but I have to say that the BED category should not be overlooked (duh).

[sterlingice]

That's who Tiger married, right? And with celeb scene, I wouldn't put much stock into dating until someone is engaged (and even then). You said that the someone who became a "trophy wife" of one of the world's most eligible bachelors would make a good trophy wife. Seemed like a pretty good prediction

SI

[Radii]

Originally Posted by Radii

PER 14
HOT 10
INT 14
MOM 14
BED 17
SUP 7

Good personality, smart, good parenting skills, amazing in bed, I'll bring home the bacon for all that.

I re-did this before I looked to see that I had actually done this the first time around. My experiences over the last decade have made for one drastic shift:

PER 15
HOT 10
INT 14
MOM 3
BED 17
SUP 16


no kids, don't care about any other maternal qualities, when I'm sick I want to be left alone, I don't want to own a big home or have a lot of "stuff" to begin with so there's less of a premium on housework, etc. Plus with the added support abilities we can afford to pay for a maid service/yardwork/whatever. Hotness remains far less important than ability in the bedroom, intelligence and personality.

[Suicane75]

The only one I would knock down some is intelligence. If she's caring and has a good personality I don't mind that she doesn't know shit. If she makes me feel good in and out of the bedroom, I could care less if she knows how magnets work.

[Izulde]

Before I do this, a question:

Are we defining personality according to a given set of societal norms, or are we talking personality in terms of compatibility?