need some help...

[RGunner]

Ok, dont really post here all that often except for poker stuff really, but something happened today that i really dont know what to do anymore..If you don't know I am 18 years old, 19 in a month, I know alot of you might say I am young and will just get over it, but thats not the point, I just need some help right now to get through these tough times...Heres the problems

Well, I've never really had many friends, except for while i was at high school, once i graduated last year, most of them went off to college and i stayed at home and i dont go to college right now, I work pretty much every day, and for the past year or so I have been with this girl...Things were going great for the year or so we've been together, then out of nowhere today she says that she just doesn't feel the same about me anymore, says she loves me like a brother type that I would be the type of person she wants in her life to protect her and to watch after her..At first it didnt really hit me hard because to be honest I saw it coming, but about 6 hours later now, its really hitting me. First off, I have an emotional disorder where I can't control my emotions at all and I have to take pills to control them, but right now I can't control anything, I don't know what is going on anymore. I don't know what to do, in all honesty I want to get over her, but I really dont have any ways to get over her, I dont have many friends because they are all off to college or whatever, so I don't have anyone to hang out with. I know there will be other girls, but I just want to know what to do now, not in the future, I just feel betrayed, and I don't like sharing my feelings with other people but I feel like the people here could help me out alot. I've had a rough life in regards to my family life that I'd rather not get to much into it just has to do with abuse thats all ill point out, and I was finally happy with everything in my life, and then it all goes to hell and now i really don't know how to control myself and how to make everything better...If you could please help me out it would be great any ideas or anything just have to get all this off my chest somehow and this is the only way....if you want to talk to me you can IM me on aim at kevo0522 or just reply here...thx guys..

[Suicane75]

I know it probably seems like the end of the world but it isn't. For tonight, just chill, maybe have a smoke (if you smoke) and listen to whatever relaxes, or hell, whatever tugs at your heart strings. Even if your alone don't keep it inside, cry if you want, reflect on things, look ahead, dream. Jerk off it feels good (and no, i'm not being a wiseass), watch a movie you like, or a movie you've never seen and just experience it. Don't play poker tonight, you don't need anything else that could dampen your mood, just chill.

As for the future, as I said earlier, it will get better. At some point in the future this will be something you look back on and reflect on, trying to figure out why you felt so bad.

But most of all, just hang in there.

[CamEdwards]

rgunner,

it sucks. i know. i can remember being 19 and feeling like my world was over when my girlfriend broke it off with me. i can't tell you how many nights I spent wandering around town until sunrise... just trying to do something to get my mind off of things.

all i can tell you is this: it does get better. time and distance heals all wounds. don't do anything stupid or drastic.

Give yourself some time to grieve, but don't let yourself wallow in self-pity. Don't have a lot of friends around? try and make some. Go to church, or a sci-fi fan club meeting, or something that you like to do. try meetup.com to see if there's anything around your city where you could go and meet some like minded people.

It gets better. That's the most important thing I can tell you. It sucks now, but it absolutely will be better.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Focus dude, focus.

You already know you have "an emotional disorder" where control is an issue for you, so I'm pretty sure that you've had to develop some sort of tactics to try to at least slow down times of runaway emotions -- put them to use here in the same way.

Everybody is different, naturally, but for me, those "rolling downhill like a snowball headed for hell" situations tend to feed upon themselves ... so take away some of the things they feed on. Distract, escape, evade -- don't sit & dwell on the situation, find something, anything else to do, even 5 minutes distraction is five more minutes closer to gaining some control over the situation in your head.

Post here, go read some dynasty threads & see if something grabs you, play some of the Yahoo timewaster games (heck, search for time waster here & see if some of the threads don't have links to stuff you haven't seen) -- basically, there's nothing that says you have to try to deal with this right this second, so ... don't.

Time & distance, those are things that help diminish the intensity of a lot of stiuations like this, so use what you can find like timewaster stuff to give you a little break from it, until its more manageable.

Best of luck to you,
Jon

[RGunner]

Originally Posted by CamEdwards

rgunner,

it sucks. i know. i can remember being 19 and feeling like my world was over when my girlfriend broke it off with me. i can't tell you how many nights I spent wandering around town until sunrise... just trying to do something to get my mind off of things.

all i can tell you is this: it does get better. time and distance heals all wounds. don't do anything stupid or drastic.

Give yourself some time to grieve, but don't let yourself wallow in self-pity. Don't have a lot of friends around? try and make some. Go to church, or a sci-fi fan club meeting, or something that you like to do. try meetup.com to see if there's anything around your city where you could go and meet some like minded people.

It gets better. That's the most important thing I can tell you. It sucks now, but it absolutely will be better.

I know what you're saying for sure, I really don't feel like my world is going to end, I know it won't, I've been through about 50 things way worse than this, hell I was in a coma for 3 weeks when i was 14, I know it goes on, its just hard because it sounds like she just gives me cop out answers to all my questions, I know I'll be better off, but I just wish I had more ways to talk to people but since I'm not in college I can't...As for suicane, I already played poker tonight for about an hour, blew $100 and quit cuz i was so pissed off lol.

[Stanmarsh100]

I think a theme many will right about is that this type of thing is common. Back in the day, the same thing happened to me when I was 20. I spent a good year and a half being angry about it. Funny, that's just a long time to be angry.

When it happened, I was in a position where my friends were far away, so it certainly made it more difficult. We all have different resources, but certainly here are some other ideas:

An extended relative - uncle, cousin, etc.
A minister
Hop on the Internet and look for support groups in your area. Bet of all, that is free help.
Since you are on meds, you must visit a doctor. Perhaps you can get a referral. Perhaps your doctor can be of help.

Most of all, it is part of being 18-23. . .at this point, we are really learning to being adults - working full time for the first time, having a real budget, and trying to real adult relationships. It is generally a high stress period of life. So imagine you feel betrayed, angry, and so on - that is natural. Just realize it is part of life, and the fact that you are looking for help tells me you want to simply stay angry for 18 months like me.

I guess this helped me: remember that there are 4 billion women out there. When converted to decimal form, that make this one woman .00000000025. So therefore, she will simply be rounded off.

[Dutch]

It sucks, buy you'll figure out how to deal with it. Time is the key. It's like stubbing your toe on the leg of the coffee table. Hurts like hell right now....but it gets better.

[CamEdwards]

Originally Posted by RGunner

I know what you're saying for sure, I really don't feel like my world is going to end, I know it won't, I've been through about 50 things way worse than this, hell I was in a coma for 3 weeks when i was 14, I know it goes on, its just hard because it sounds like she just gives me cop out answers to all my questions, I know I'll be better off, but I just wish I had more ways to talk to people but since I'm not in college I can't...As for suicane, I already played poker tonight for about an hour, blew $100 and quit cuz i was so pissed off lol.

One more response before I head to bed.

It took me a long time to realize this, but it doesn't matter if she's only giving you cop out answers. It doesn't matter what she does, because she cannot be responsible for your happiness. That's your job.

If you're seriously looking for answers about what, if anything, you did wrong... give it time. I went back and looked up an ex-girlfriend about a year after we broke up. I had a great conversation with her because I wasn't looking to get back together. At the same time, I did ask her what it was that led her to break up with me, so I could make sure if it was something I had done that I could be sure to not let it affect my future relationships. From the distance of a year later we were able to talk about what we both would have done differently, and then get some closure on our own relationship.

I can't promise that it always works out that way, but it might as long as you give her some space now.

[RGunner]

Thanks for all the responses guys, I'm surprised that I am actually taking this as good as I have, normally I would blow up and go crazy, but this time I'm more calm than I ever would be in this situation, you guys' have helped a ton, I appreciate all the comments guys thats why I always read this forum, maybe I'll start posting more

[st.cronin]

I think you should play at least 10 hours of TCY a day for the next month or so.

[RGunner]

lol I dont have that anymore I lost it when I got a new computer a long time ago, dont have any text sims anymore

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by RGunner

lol I dont have that anymore I lost it when I got a new computer a long time ago, dont have any text sims anymore

Well, I think we've figured out your REAL problem now...

[LionsFan10]

Just wanted to post and say I know exactly what you're going through, I'm in month one of my break up with my girlfriend of three years and I got nearly the exact same responce in regards to why "wasn't sure she felt the same, blah blah" and so far it's been real hell. I started a thread here on FOFC as well when it happened but I didn't quite get the output that you did so while I was reading this thread I was reading it as if they were talking to me (being that the circumstances were almost exactly the same). Anyway if you need someone to talk to you can IM me at JD55808 at any time during the day.

I know what you're going through, I'm right there with you buddy.

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

I think you should play at least 10 hours of TCY a day for the next month or so.

This is type of thing that does it for me in crappy situations.

Had a crappy day, that calls for an evening of some action game to take the edge off. Your favorite sports team loses, play a single game and obliterate the computer or start a franchise with them. Some people have comfort food, go for a comfort game or movie and escape- that's what these things are made for.

SI

[RGunner]

Originally Posted by LionsFan10

Just wanted to post and say I know exactly what you're going through, I'm in month one of my break up with my girlfriend of three years and I got nearly the exact same responce in regards to why "wasn't sure she felt the same, blah blah" and so far it's been real hell. I started a thread here on FOFC as well when it happened but I didn't quite get the output that you did so while I was reading this thread I was reading it as if they were talking to me (being that the circumstances were almost exactly the same). Anyway if you need someone to talk to you can IM me at JD55808 at any time during the day.

I know what you're going through, I'm right there with you buddy.

Right on man, it does suck definitely, IM me if u ever feel like chatting, women are overrated anyways.

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by RGunner

women are overrated anyways.

No, they're not. That's why it hurts so much.

Hang in there. You could meet your soul mate tomorrow.

[judicial clerk]

Did anybody else notice that Suicane's response almost reads like cyberporn?

OK, Rgunner have a smoke. thats it.

Now, I want you to put on some relaxing music, goood.

here, lets pop a movie into the dvd player ...

Regarding your problem RGunner, I feel for you man. I have been there too.

[Sharpieman]

I thought it was the end of the world when I lost my girlfriend a few years ago when she said she wanted to be friends (I hate the friend zone). It was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me. After about a week things got a lot better. Things will get better, it sucks at the start, but then you'll realize that it all happened for a reason. 2 years later, I got a new girlfriend that is way better for me (she hates shopping and loves sports, she's a keeper). Sorry for your loss, but don't worry, things get better.