dealing with a divorce in the family

Easy Mac · 11-15-2013, 09:10 PM

In really just venting. My sister is divorcing her husband. I've known him for 20 years and he's probably my best friend, although we haven't been as close for a while as we got busy with kids. It just send so surreal. No one in the family had any idea. I know it's common, but this w was the farthest thing from my mind when she called to tell me.

Any advice on what to do? It just such weird depressing feeling. I know I shouldn't be mad at my sister, but that's really all I feel, but I still want to be there for her.

Also, the allergist told us we have to get rid of our dog because our daughter is allergic to him, but fuck the allergist,I can't life my two best friend in the same day.

MacroGuru · 11-15-2013, 09:27 PM

Just because they divorce doesnt mean you need to end the friendship. I speak to my ex bro in law almost weekly.

To me we arent friends, we are brothers.

Toddzilla · 11-15-2013, 09:50 PM

TOTALLY DISAGREE

You need to pick who you care about - your sister or her soon-to-be-ex-husband.

If you love your sister, don't disrespect her and shit on her judgement by still being bro's with her ex. It's in poor taste and just plain uncool to your sis.

Suicane75 · 11-15-2013, 10:15 PM

You, your dog, and your brother in law should move into an apartment together and have wacky adventures trying to score young ladies, drinking a lot and having midlife crises together. Play I Want A New Drug by Huey Lewis when you guys do coke for the first time and Nathan Jones by Bannanarama when you go out clubing.

When you hook up with a coed and she's wanting to get her freak on, don't worry if your dingus doesn't work, it just means you still have feelings for your wife and deep down inside couldn't ever bed another woman, even if she is physically perfect and built for the kind of sex you only see in pornos that work the word Oiled into the title.

After a lot of introspection and missing your wife and kids you'll decide that your brother in law should keep the dog as they have grown fond of each other. Show up back at home and tell your wife that you've been trying to find yourself but in the end you realized that you were always right here, the one place you hadn't looked. Kiss her deeply and imagine Groovy Kind Of Love is playing over an imaginary loudspeaker as you do.

Easy Mac · 11-15-2013, 10:20 PM

Can I imagine a different song? And at no point will I relinquish the dog. We don't let our kid sleep in our bed, but you better believe the dog's head is currently resting 3 inches from mine on my pillow.

Lathum · 11-15-2013, 10:29 PM

I think the details of the divorce factor into the discussion.

If they just grew apart and decided to separate I see no reason you cant be friends still. If he was abusive,cheated, etc...it complicates things.

Glengoyne · 11-16-2013, 04:25 AM

My wife's uncle, long divorced from my mother-in-law's sister, is a close friend to my wife's parents. He is a frequent and welcome guest in their home, and that includes holidays. It doesn't seem strange at all.

That said, the fact that my wife's aunt is a three time loser in marriage and a bit of a loon to boot may play a factor.

If things are amicable between them eventually there may be room for your ongoing relationship. Lathum's point is pretty well spot on. My ex brother-in-law was pretty well a douche-bag to his immediate family, and even if he and I were close I don't believe there would be room for an ongoing relationship.

CU Tiger · 11-16-2013, 05:12 AM

There are some pretty good anti allergen shampoos to eliminate pet dander, Im not aware of any other dog specific allergy so if it isnt pet dander, may not be helpful.

The divorce one is a bit more tricky. As Lathum said, if he cheated, was abusive etc then that will factor in, then again it would factor into friendships even if his ex wasnt your sister as well, right?

Easy Mac · 11-16-2013, 08:12 AM

Unfortunately she cheated on him. I just told them I'm there for the both. Our daughters are 3 weeks apart, so I'm not messing up their cousin ship just because their marriage stopped working.

Flasch186 · 11-16-2013, 08:26 AM

nice. Fuckin A.

Lathum · 11-16-2013, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

Unfortunately she cheated on him. I just told them I'm there for the both. Our daughters are 3 weeks apart, so I'm not messing up their cousin ship just because their marriage stopped working.

I think that takes away her right to be angry at you for maintaining a relationship with him.

SegRat · 11-16-2013, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I think that takes away her right to be angry at you for maintaining a relationship with him.

I agree

Izulde · 11-16-2013, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I think that takes away her right to be angry at you for maintaining a relationship with him.

This.

saldana · 11-16-2013, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lathum

I think that takes away her right to be angry at you for maintaining a relationship with him.

i would trust Lathum's perspective on this...he and MollyMurphy have been through it courtesy of me. (or more to the point, courtesy of my ex wife)

DaddyTorgo · 11-16-2013, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

Unfortunately she cheated on him. I just told them I'm there for the both. Our daughters are 3 weeks apart, so I'm not messing up their cousin ship just because their marriage stopped working.

Your sister is a....

Okay - I'm not going to say it. But she's clearly in the wrong here.

CU Tiger · 11-16-2013, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

Unfortunately she cheated on him. I just told them I'm there for the both. Our daughters are 3 weeks apart, so I'm not messing up their cousin ship just because their marriage stopped working.

Then that makes it easy in my opinion.
She is still your sister, you love her but have the right to tell her you do not approve of her behavior. He was a friend who was wronged by your family. To me that is the easiest possible scenario FOR YOU.

Shepp · 11-16-2013, 01:54 PM

Whether she was right or wrong its unlikely that you would be able to cut ties with your sister. For that reason make it clear to her husband that you wish to remain friends but can't take sides. If he respects that boundary then I don't see why you can remain friends. If he does not then you probably won't be able to make it work. Time will tell.

Desnudo · 11-16-2013, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Easy Mac

In really just venting. My sister is divorcing her husband. I've known him for 20 years and he's probably my best friend, although we haven't been as close for a while as we got busy with kids. It just send so surreal. No one in the family had any idea. I know it's common, but this w was the farthest thing from my mind when she called to tell me.

Any advice on what to do? It just such weird depressing feeling. I know I shouldn't be mad at my sister, but that's really all I feel, but I still want to be there for her.

Also, the allergist told us we have to get rid of our dog because our daughter is allergic to him, but fuck the allergist,I can't life my two best friend in the same day.

how old is your daughter? You can start immunotherapy when they're 5 or even younger sometimes.

Danny · 11-16-2013, 08:40 PM

I have to be honest, but I am fairly surprised at your reaction in your dog / kid situation.

Draft Dodger · 11-16-2013, 09:14 PM

so many black and white answers to a situation that is always anything but

11-15-2013, 09:27 PM	#2
MacroGuru Coordinator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Utah	Just because they divorce doesnt mean you need to end the friendship. I speak to my ex bro in law almost weekly. To me we arent friends, we are brothers. __________________ "forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future"

11-15-2013, 10:15 PM	#4
Suicane75 Coordinator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NJ	You, your dog, and your brother in law should move into an apartment together and have wacky adventures trying to score young ladies, drinking a lot and having midlife crises together. Play I Want A New Drug by Huey Lewis when you guys do coke for the first time and Nathan Jones by Bannanarama when you go out clubing. When you hook up with a coed and she's wanting to get her freak on, don't worry if your dingus doesn't work, it just means you still have feelings for your wife and deep down inside couldn't ever bed another woman, even if she is physically perfect and built for the kind of sex you only see in pornos that work the word Oiled into the title. After a lot of introspection and missing your wife and kids you'll decide that your brother in law should keep the dog as they have grown fond of each other. Show up back at home and tell your wife that you've been trying to find yourself but in the end you realized that you were always right here, the one place you hadn't looked. Kiss her deeply and imagine Groovy Kind Of Love is playing over an imaginary loudspeaker as you do. Last edited by Suicane75 : 11-15-2013 at 10:17 PM.

11-16-2013, 08:26 AM	#10
Flasch186 Coordinator Join Date: May 2002 Location: Jacksonville, FL	nice. Fuckin A. __________________ Jacksonville-florida-homes-for-sale Putting a New Spin on Real Estate! ----------------------------------------------------------- Commissioner of the USFL USFL

11-16-2013, 01:54 PM	#17
Shepp High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Atlanta, GA	Whether she was right or wrong its unlikely that you would be able to cut ties with your sister. For that reason make it clear to her husband that you wish to remain friends but can't take sides. If he respects that boundary then I don't see why you can remain friends. If he does not then you probably won't be able to make it work. Time will tell. Last edited by Shepp : 11-16-2013 at 01:54 PM.

11-16-2013, 09:14 PM	#20
Draft Dodger Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Keene, NH	so many black and white answers to a situation that is always anything but __________________ Mile High Hockey

11-15-2013, 09:50 PM	#3
Toddzilla Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Burke, VA	TOTALLY DISAGREE You need to pick who you care about - your sister or her soon-to-be-ex-husband. If you love your sister, don't disrespect her and shit on her judgement by still being bro's with her ex. It's in poor taste and just plain uncool to your sis.

11-15-2013, 10:20 PM	#5
Easy Mac Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Here	Can I imagine a different song? And at no point will I relinquish the dog. We don't let our kid sleep in our bed, but you better believe the dog's head is currently resting 3 inches from mine on my pillow.

11-15-2013, 10:29 PM	#6
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	I think the details of the divorce factor into the discussion. If they just grew apart and decided to separate I see no reason you cant be friends still. If he was abusive,cheated, etc...it complicates things.

11-16-2013, 04:25 AM	#7
Glengoyne Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Fresno, CA	My wife's uncle, long divorced from my mother-in-law's sister, is a close friend to my wife's parents. He is a frequent and welcome guest in their home, and that includes holidays. It doesn't seem strange at all. That said, the fact that my wife's aunt is a three time loser in marriage and a bit of a loon to boot may play a factor. If things are amicable between them eventually there may be room for your ongoing relationship. Lathum's point is pretty well spot on. My ex brother-in-law was pretty well a douche-bag to his immediate family, and even if he and I were close I don't believe there would be room for an ongoing relationship.

11-16-2013, 05:12 AM	#8
CU Tiger Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Backwoods, SC	There are some pretty good anti allergen shampoos to eliminate pet dander, Im not aware of any other dog specific allergy so if it isnt pet dander, may not be helpful. The divorce one is a bit more tricky. As Lathum said, if he cheated, was abusive etc then that will factor in, then again it would factor into friendships even if his ex wasnt your sister as well, right?

11-16-2013, 08:12 AM	#9
Easy Mac Registered User Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Here	Unfortunately she cheated on him. I just told them I'm there for the both. Our daughters are 3 weeks apart, so I'm not messing up their cousin ship just because their marriage stopped working.

11-16-2013, 08:40 PM	#19
Danny Head Coach Join Date: Jul 2001	I have to be honest, but I am fairly surprised at your reaction in your dog / kid situation.

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