Spam, spam, spam

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by spam

Sexual problems? We have the answer. cochrane

Every once in a while, I just have a spam that tickles my peculiar funny bone and this one did it. I still don't quite get why people put extra words onto the end of spam, but this one is perfect- it had me laughing for a couple of minutes. For some reason this gave me the mental image of Johnnie Cochrane getting in front of a jury and starting off his closing statement with "There once was a man from Nantuckett...".

SI

[Ksyrup]

My immediate thought was Tom Cochrane. You know, life is a highway and he wants to ride it all night long; if you're going his way, he wants to drive you all night long.

Makes sense to me.

[timmynausea]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

For some reason this gave me the mental image of Johnnie Cochrane getting in front of a jury and starting off his closing statement with "There once was a man from Nantuckett...".

SI

That is awesome.

[Neon_Chaos]

SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAMITTY SPAAAAAAAAAAM!

[sterlingice]

Originally Posted by spam

Glass Sex Toys are an Acceptable Gift for any Occasion.

Yeah, I don't think this one needs any explanation as to why it's both a funny and stupid spam.

SI

[sterlingice]

I've gotten to the point where I just let my spam build up for a few days in my yahoo account and then go through it when there's over 1000. When sorted by title, here's something I found.

Originally Posted by spam

Celeste Moses                  Gain Up to 11 inches
Abigail Rodrigues             Gain Up to 11 inches
Vicky Newell                 Gain Up to 3+ Inches In Length. be 
Rebekah Salas                 Gain Up to 3+ Inches In Length. wear
Keisha Abraham                 Gain Up to 4+ 
Alexandra Mccann             Gain Up to 4+ afjapxc
Edna Myrick                 Gain Up to 4+ g
Chris Mccain                 Gain Up to 5+ addend
Vicki Yoder                 Gain Up to 7+ 
Roseann Cannon                 Gain Up to 7+ qgqgcj
Georgina Perkins             Gain Up to 7+ smj
Allison Bonds                 Gain Up to 8+ adsorb
Jean Holt                 Gain Up to 8+ haiku turin
Addie Sharp                 Gain Up to 9+ NO Promblem mfe

At what point is it enough? Do you pick based by number?

SI

[st.cronin]

I have 6123 unopened messages in my gmail account.

[MikeVic]

haiku turin haha wtf.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by spam

something about driving force

Can you be a little more subtle please, k thx.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by spam

Re: You cockring purchase is ready

Ya know what pisses me off...how am I supposed to know this isn't spam?

[Schmidty]

Sexual problems? We have the answer. cockring

[Logan]

I was legitimately entertained when I saw a subject of "Beat her womb with your new big rod."

[JeeberD]

I've received several spams as of late that are phishing scams saying that they're the IRS and that they owe me some money and all I need to do to claim it is click on the handy link and enter in some personal information.

My question is...whose bright idea was it to impersonate the IRS? They're the LAST people I would want to piss off, and I imagine they don't appreciate folks pretending to be them.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Logan

I was legitimately entertained when I saw a subject of "Beat her womb with your new big rod."

I had one that started it out the same but ended with, "so that she knew who wears the pants!"

[Lorena]

dola,

I got one about touching her tonsils... it's a little graphic and I probably shouldn't post.

[st.cronin]

Most spam I don't even understand. For example,

Originally Posted by spam

Set your lassie on fire with your new giant rod!

The United States will reportedly seek a jail sentencepsychological debriefings.
adherence to it.

No man would be glad to be told by his beloved woman in the bedroom "Oh, it's so small!"
Nevertheless, if you're fearing to hear this, don't despair!
MegaDik gives you an opportunity, which you surely don't want to lose!
hxxp://anyseaal.com/
Order Megadik today and notice unbelievable changes just in a few weeks!

campaign is misleading to consumers. Ribena
A study in January 2007 also revealed that the drinkAccording to the Iranian Foreign Minister, Manouchehr
The results represent a substantial drop in fortune for

[JeeberD]

I learned recently that the reason that spam often has snippets of real articles and the like is an attempt to circumvent spam filters. I guess if there's enough text that sound legit spam filter lets them through, or so I've heard.

[Logan]

Damn...st.c has a giant rod, but I only have a big rod .

[Marc Vaughan]

Originally Posted by sterlingice

I've gotten to the point where I just let my spam build up for a few days in my yahoo account and then go through it when there's over 1000. When sorted by title, here's something I found.



At what point is it enough? Do you pick based by number?

SI

I get so many penis extension offers I'm starting to wonder if my wife is registering me on their mailing lists

(I'm considering the 46 incher myself - that way it can double as a belt )

[st.cronin]

Here's one thing I don't understand: Whenever I report spam to gmail, in the next five minutes I invariably get flooded with more spam than I had got in the last week.

Is there something about reporting spam that temporarily turns off the spam blocker?

[Pumpy Tudors]

These aren't really in the spirit of the original post, but these are from my e-mail:

Yo yo yo pumpytudors
xmas is comming soon try our v1agra. Suprise your woman

Compliments pumpytudors
Tell your friends about sexual victories
(URL removed)

living Kibbee

140that, and it would have given me an opportunity to prepare for the
The New York Times, for example, reported on October 28, 1987, that

No man would be glad to hear from his lassie in the bedroom "Oh, what a tiny dic'k!"
Nevertheless, if you're afraid to hear this, don't lose hope!
MegaDik gives you an opportunity, which you surely don't want to miss out!
(URL removed)
Accept our offer today and start witnessing miraculous transformations just in a few weeks!

Wien talked him out of it. It was such a cliche. It sort of demeaned
from Soros than from Wall Street. Some argued that the investmentthat the financial community and those outside of it would treat him
coming out.

the common problem today is difficulty in holding ejaculation for a long time and the size of penis

Wassup pumpytudors
Ci*alis like *via*gra* only with less power

Massive gains that my girlfriend loves

kernener kerkratt
kendre kenhaare

[MikeVic]

Hahaha oh man.

[sterlingice]

Ok, my favorite spam in a long time:

Originally Posted by spam

Scam Victims Compensation Payment..
Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:49 AM
From:"ECOWAS NATIONS STATE/UNITED NATIONS"
To: undisclosed-recipients



FIDELITY BANK NIGERIA PLC
SCAM COMPENSATION OFFICE DEPARTMENT
ECOWAS NATIONS STATE/UNITED NATIONS
2008 SCAM VICTIMS COMPENSATIONS PAYMENTS.

YOUR REF/PAYMENTS CODE: FDB/06654 FOR $150,000 USD ONLY.

This is to bring to your notice that our bank (FIDELITY BANK PLC ) is
delegated by the ECOWAS/UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank to pay victims of
scam $150,000 (One Hundred And Fifty Thousand Dollars Only). You are
listed/approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid
this amount.

On this faithful recommendations, want you to alert you that during the
last U.N. meetings held lasts week Thursday at ABUJA (WEST AFRICA),it was
accessed/accumulated of reported cases of fraud that the money lost by
various individuals to Africans scam artists operating in syndicates all
over the world today is over $239 Million United States Dollars in year
2007 to fraud in USA alone.

US Citizens lost $239 million from Internet fraud in 2007 - TechSpot News

In other to compensate victims, the ECOWAS/UNITED NATIONS is now paying
victims of such scam $150,000(One Hundred And Fifty THOUSAND DOLLARS EACH)
in accordance with the UNITED NATIONS recommendations.

The payments are to be remitted by FIDELITY BANK PLC NIGERIA as
corresponding paying bank under funding assistance by CENTRAL BANK OF
NIGERIA. Benefactor of this compensation award will have to be first
cleared by FIDELITY BANK and confirmed as a victim from Africa Scam
before scam payment can be effected. We shall feed you with further
modalities as soon as we get response from you on how you can receive your
compensation payment award.

Send a copy of your response via email or call your remittance officer
quoting your PAYMENT CODE NUMBER(FDB//06654).

NAME: MR.OSAGIE BODE
SCAMMED VICTIM/REF/PAYMENTS CODE:
FDB//06654 $150,000 USD.
TEL :+234 80566 10423
+234 80369 20291
Email: [email protected]

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Doris Udoh
PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER

Yes, if you have been spammed before, please send information to us so we can compensate you!

SI

[Mustang]

My name is Tom Dasko, Internet Sales Manager at Gordie Boucher Ford Lincoln Mercury. Thank you for your recent inquiry. I sincerely appreciate the opportunity to assist you with your automotive needs. Because of our dedication to customer satisfaction, it is important that I make sure you received all of the correct information. With all of the E-mail filters and blockers out there, the only way to truly know that you did receive it would be to call me at our dealership at 262-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me back with a simple YES or NO.



I emailed them back and said, NO. Curious to see if they respond.

[Mustang]

Hey, they responded back. Wonder how long I can string them out...




Duplicate of original message below that you did not receive.

Hello Kevin,

My name is Tom Dasko, e-Commerce Manager at Gordie Boucher Ford Lincoln Mercury of West Bend, and I would like to personally thank you for your inquiry .....

[SteveMax58]

Hehe...MegaDik...hehe.

[Sun Tzu]

I love spam. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam and spam.

[JeeberD]

Originally Posted by Mustang

Hey, they responded back. Wonder how long I can string them out...




Duplicate of original message below that you did not receive.

Hello Kevin,

My name is Tom Dasko, e-Commerce Manager at Gordie Boucher Ford Lincoln Mercury of West Bend, and I would like to personally thank you for your inquiry .....

That's some funny shit right there...

[Mustang]

I responded to the email, but in the history, I removed every other word. My response -





Sorry, my spam filter has filtered out every other word. Please send the missing words and I will respond.

Thanks




Duplicate original below you not.

Hello,

My is Dasko, Manager Gordie Ford Mercury West, I like personally you your on Ford . It my to your or experience simple, and as. You have a time our Pricing Year Clearance is! These savings only through 30th. see following quotes:.....

Ford SEL with Interior Package, 18" Clad and (snipped rest of message)

[PilotMan]

That is very funny.

[Mustang]

Heh... not the sharpest tool in the shed I guess. He did respond back -





Please see my original response you requested below. Hope it gets through ok.

Hello Kevin,

My name is (snip rest of original message I've received 3 times already...)

[PilotMan]

Here is a good one that I got this morning.

FROM: Mr.Liu Yan
Bank of China Ltd.
13/F. Bank of China
Tower1 Garden Road
Hong Kong,

Good day,

I am Mr. Liu Yan a transfer supervisor operations in investment section
in Bank of China Ltd,Hong Kong. I have an obscured business suggestion for
you. Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client General Mohammed Jassim Ali
who was with the Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed
deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of Nineteen millions Five
Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch.

Upon maturity several notice was sent to him during the war.After the war
another notification was sent and still no response came from him.It was
later discovered that the general and his family had been killed during
the war in bomb blast that hit their home.Against this backdrop, my
suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the
next ofkin to General Mohammed Jassim Ali so that you will be able to
receive his funds. I will send you
more details as soon as I receive your response.

Kind Regards
Mr.Liu Yan
E-mail:`[email protected]

What the hell does that mean?

[sterlingice]

"subject: lic toilets!
body: Increase your rod's stamina and performance"

Boy, I feel sorry for all of those people who take Cialis now, if that's what's in it.

SI

[DataKing]

Originally posted by Spam
Flush pounds of nasty black waste out of your intestines!

Sounds like a winner.

[lordscarlet]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

I have 6123 unopened messages in my gmail account.

126,424 for me

[sterlingice]

How bad is the economy that it's not even lottery winnings any more, it's only a job offer scam? I love some of the language as people who aren't native speakers don't quite get the nuances of connotation.

Originally Posted by Subject: Job Offer

Dear Candidate,

In response to your Initial listing in the Job search directory ,we have offered you a place in our Part time/Work from home Job scheme. We are an International middle-man trading company with our corporate headquarters based in UK and liaison offices in 36 countries from across Europe, Africa and Northern America .Since establishment in 1974 we have done our business in Mainland Asia and Oceania, in 1990 we extended our Region of supplies due to continuous demands to Northern America and Europe. The company produces various clothing materials, batiks, assorted fabrics and traditional costume which we have clients we supply weekly in the states .As a result of our competent records for treating customer demands and supplies customers have referred us to other possible clients and we have been receiving orders from Northern America,Europe And Australia-These are areas we classified as outside our reach initially.

1.0. WORK SCOPE:

We discovered that since we started business in the USA and CANADA,we have been having problems getting payments from our customers as it was very uneasy forthem to send payments to Asia even when they did, foreign checks will normally take at least 28 Working days to clear (this period will normally delay our business)We decided to start a regional office in California. This office could not stand with handling all of the payments as the number of staffs could not meet the number of payments been received- hence we decided to hire individuals over the internet who will help us receive and process payments and then forward to any of our offices which we designate.

2.0. WHAT WE OFFER:

2.1.Flexible program: Two hours daily at your choice (Day time or Evening Time).
2.2. Work at Home: Check e-mails, going to the Bank-part time or full time,professional contact team with very good support and Communication Skills.
2.3. Other Highlights: No selling Involved, No Kits to Buy, No Advance fees, We won't charge you anything.

3.0. SALARY AND WAGES:
3.1. You are entitled to a $450:00 Payment which will come in every two weeks, this amounts to a total of $900:00 Monthly.
3.2. Commission: 7% of every transaction successfully processed-checks, money orders that is cashed instantly and forwarded to our designated offices with and outside the USA. "Cash In Hand" or "Cash at counter" is what we request this is to speed up our supply as we will not supply without receiving payments from our customers. Example: If you receive a check of $1,000:00 your net Income is $70:00 and the balance of $930:00 Is forwarded to the company.

4.0. How to Forward Payments:
4.1. Once you have received and processed payments, you will be requested to forward payments via which ever method which we will instruct you to forward the payments through-sometimes via direct transfer to our accounts and some other times via Western Union or Money-Gram.

REMINDER:
(I)YOU WILL PROCESS 2-3 ORDERS PER DAY.
(II)THE MORE ORDERS YOU PROCESS AT A FASTER RATE,THE HIGHER YOU STAND TO EARN DAILY.
(III)THE MORE YOU PROCESS PAYMENTS FASTER THE HIGHER YOUR FIXED EARNINGS PER EVERY TWO WEEKS WILL GROW.
(IV)YOU MUST BE OVER 18 YEARS OF AGE,WITH A US,UK,CANADIAN, AUSTRALIAN OR ITS
EQUIVALENT CITIZENSHIP.

5.0. WHAT WE ASK: Two free hours daily not including weekends, Internet access for sending and receiving e-mails, available means of cashing money
orders/checks at your bank using your existing bank account. If you meet these conditions all you have to do is make contact with us providing your mailing address, phone or fax numbers (for contact purposes) using the contact informations as set below and we'll respond to you within 24-48 Hours with our contract of agreement as well as how to begin work with us.

SUPERFINEROSE TEXTILE COMPANY
WEBSITE: {site removed}
Contact Person: Mark Knight
E-mail:{email removed}
Phone Number: +447024091032, +447031851390
Time: 24 Hours daily by e-mail
We will never ask you for anything more then that, no bank names, no bank account number, routing number, credit card, passwords, ssn # etc. If anyone
asks for those on our behalf please do not give out this info. This is to ensure your security and non involvement in cases of Identity Theft.
Thanks,
Mark KNIGHT
Hiring Coordinator, Human Resources
SUPERFINEROSE TEXTILE COMPANY
Tel: +447024091032, +447031851390

SI

[flere-imsaho]

Oh, I've gotten a bunch of those recently as well. Good times....

[Passacaglia]

Actually, I think in other countries, 'scheme' doesn't have the connotation it does in the USA.

[DaddyTorgo]

bump

Check out what was in my Spam folder. I LOL'd

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONETARY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
TEL/FAX 202 386 6756
Website: www.fbi.gov

ATTN: BENEFICIARY.

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation agents and EFCC and ICPC. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the World Bank of Switzerland and United Nations on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of US$800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America.

All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of US$196 USD which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union Money Transfer / Money Gram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact details of the Agent whom will process your transaction from Central Bank of Malaysia with Mr. Paul Paulson.

Bank Negara Malaysia (Central Bank of Malaysia)
Address: P.O. Box 10922 50929
Kuala Lumpur MALAYSIA
Tel: + 60 1 638-23436
Email Address: [email protected]

Contact Person: Mr. Paul Paulson

Immediately contact Mr. Paul Paulson of the ATM Card Centre with the following information:

Full Name: Address:
City:
State:
Age:
Zip Code:
Direct Phone Number:
Current Occupation:

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Paul Paulson he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of US$196 USD for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay.

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website (http://www.ups.com/content/my/en/index.jsx) to confirm people who have received their payment successfully.

JOHNNY ALMANTE ==============1Z2X59394198080570
GARY METZGER ==============1Z2X59394195952759
GLEN PAPANIKAS ==============1Z2X59394198690947

You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.

Once you have completed payment of US$196 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact us back for more investigation for conformation of your ATM card. The both offices are working 24hours to get this project complete.

Federal Bureau Investigation
Robert S. Mueller III Director,
Director, FBI
Email address: [email protected]

[sterlingice]

I've seen that one a couple of times lately- "Trust us, we're the gov't and we're here to help you"

SI

[DaddyTorgo]

i typically peek into my spam folder every so often looking for funny headlines and that one caught my eye in a "haha" kinda way

[JediKooter]

This one made me laugh. Read the job vacancies carefully....

Golden Eagle International Logistics Services

Telephone Number : +1-209-437-4059

Dear Sir/ Madam,


Golden Eagle International Logistics Services And Its Joint Ventures a reputable Company based in the United State of America and other part of the world after recommendation from labor consultant, we seek to write to your response on a Job opportunity.


The company needed about 480 workers to sum up the already registered one, whom their visas has been issued, because many workers will be leaving the company, at the end of this year cause of the expiration of their contract with the company.


The Company have the following vacancy:


a) Goods Packing (b) Drivers (c) Company Security ( d) Office Cleaner ( e) Laborers ( f) Lobsters ( g) Warehouse Security (h) Airport Management ( i) Construction/Engineering works (j) Administrative/Medical jobs for degree holders in Health and Management Courses, (k) Computer Administration.


Kindly send your detailed Resume via E-MAIL: [email protected] along with Scan Copies of your International passport copies, your passport number and two size photograph by email attachment for our review.


BENEFITS, PACKAGES AND ENTITLEMENT:


This is the Entitlement, Benefits and Packages from the Company. Paid airfares, Transportation, Quality single or family housing accommodation in company community, free medical/dental care, Excellent educational assistance benefits, Life Insurance and Paid vacation and Maximum security in work environment and housing community.

The company will give the applicants (employer) an accommodation that will last him for the period of two years in which their contract will last and it’s liable to renew it upon the company's agreement.


The salary for the post of Warehouse Packing jobs is us$12 per hour and you will work for 8 hours per day and also there is a chance for overtime if you have the strength.


There will be no interview since this is manpower job where any body is fit to work excepting at the health and management sector where the company required at least first degree holders in job related.


Candidates are expected to sponsor their travel expenses excepting air ticket, which will be sent to the applicant as soon as the applicant confirmed his work permit visa and all these fees will be reimbursed to the applicants, three days you joined

the company and other emolument for your up keep in the first month once you show your payment receipt to the company.


WORKING HOUR =8HOURS

SALARY IS $2,880 USD PER MONTH

VISA TYPE: 2 YEARS WORKING PERMIT

CONTRACT: 2 YEARS

JOB SITE: CALIFORNIA U.S.A.

FLIGHT TICKET TO UNITED STATE OF AMERICA; IS SPONSORED BY THE COMPANY.



And other related disciplines. CONDITIONS/SALARY INDICATION:

(A) 20,000.00 - 40,000.00 usd (quarterly) depending on qualifications and experiences negotiable.

(B) All contracts are meant to last for a Span of 24months (2years), and liable to upward review on expiration of the contract engagements.. Send Resume/Detailed Curriculum Vitae, telephone number via email attachment to the Contract/Project Administrator,


The relevant reference number should be stated on left - hand corner of any mail being sent in relation to this Job offer. We will enter into correspondence only with Short listed persons or expatriates.


Regards,
Mr. Alex Morgan
HR Department Officer,
Golden Eagle International Logistics Services

[Pumpy Tudors]

lmao i'm cracking up

[sterlingice]

Lobster, eh?

SI

[JediKooter]

Is there a trade school one can go to for that?

[MikeVic]

This one made me laugh for some reason. I don't normally click on stuff in my Junk folder but the subject line to this one was Grinning like a Cheshire cat

Then the e-mail body is a purple box with the following inside:

Who said that you can't?

hpneifgawidm

The first line is a link to some site, didn't click on it, but I find the whole thing funny. Who said you can't grin like a Cheshire cat! hpneifgawidm, that jerk!

[Coffee Warlord]

I'm sure everyone's gotten a multitude of the Who's Who of Whatever Professional invites in their spam box.

BUT.

YOU ARE NOT AWESOME ENOUGH TO RECEIVE THIS PERSONAL INVITATION...

Dear Valued Candidate,

It is my pleasure to inform you that you qualify for a 2010/2011
membership to the National Association of Professional Women,
the largest network of professional women in the United States!

Bow down.

[sterlingice]

"Congratulations you have been chosen for Registry of Distinguished Women"

Try again, captain spam

SI

[Lathum]

getting hit!

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by Lathum

getting hit!

What's weird is the Nov 2009 join dates but only now do we get the spam.
I mean, I know some folks are a little slow but damn.