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Old 03-09-2012, 12:15 PM   #151
DaddyTorgo
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Originally Posted by Chief Rum View Post
My GF encourages an open relationship with me...

You realize this means she's doing the same right?
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Old 03-09-2012, 12:41 PM   #152
RedKingGold
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You're jealous.

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Old 03-09-2012, 12:43 PM   #153
Chief Rum
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You realize this means she's doing the same right?

Yes, but it's more complicated than that. Not something I'll get into here. Let's just say that her end of the open relationship is only in particular circumstances, and eventually mine will be that way, too, and we're both fine with it.

She has only been with nine men her whole life, and they were all "relationships". So it's not quite what you think.
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Old 03-09-2012, 12:55 PM   #154
M GO BLUE!!!
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She has only been with nine men her whole life, and they were all "relationships". So it's not quite what you think.

Sorry, but I had to...

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Old 03-09-2012, 01:08 PM   #155
Chief Rum
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Lol... M go blue...

Naw, I'm no babe in the woods. I know what I'm getting into with her. :P
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:12 PM   #156
DaddyTorgo
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Yes, but it's more complicated than that. Not something I'll get into here. Let's just say that her end of the open relationship is only in particular circumstances, and eventually mine will be that way, too, and we're both fine with it.

She has only been with nine men her whole life, and they were all "relationships". So it's not quite what you think.

Interesting.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:19 PM   #157
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Gotta know this Rummy...

Is her "open" end for chicks also?
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:28 PM   #158
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Gotta know this Rummy...

Is her "open" end for chicks also?

Only if his open end is for guys.
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Old 03-09-2012, 02:01 PM   #159
Chief Rum
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Gotta know this Rummy...

Is her "open" end for chicks also?

You're no babe in the woods, either, are you?
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Old 03-09-2012, 02:02 PM   #160
Chief Rum
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Only if his open end is for guys.

That end is most definitely NOT open.
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Old 03-09-2012, 02:06 PM   #161
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That end is most definitely NOT open.



edit: The second sign is for those who are tempted to ignore the first one
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Old 03-09-2012, 02:21 PM   #162
M GO BLUE!!!
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You're no babe in the woods, either, are you?

That answer was neither a confirmation, nor a denial.

Here's a little story about a friend of mine...

His second wife comes home one day and tells him that she has tried to be good, but can't repress her bisexuality any longer. She needed a woman. Would it be ok if she went to the bar, picked up a woman, brought her home and they shared her? His answer was what many men's would have been. And he enjoyed a couple years of his wife bringing home women.

Then, she tells him that she is jealous of him being with these women. She wants them to herself. Oh, and she's really not feeling men anymore either. Next thing, there is a steady woman. She moves in with her, leaving him with three kids in the house (two were hers from a previous relationship.) She comes back a while later, then misses her girlfriend & throws him out the house so the girlfriend can move in. Another fight with the girlfriend & his brother moves in. (He no longer talks with his brother.)

They finally got divorced & he's on marriage #3.

(Just a little story to beware that something that seems phenomenally lucky can really be something completely fucked up on the horizon.)
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Old 03-09-2012, 02:27 PM   #163
Chief Rum
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How old was this woman when it happened?

My GF is very settled in who she is and she has a LOT of experience to back herself up on this. She enjoys her bisexuality, but she came to terms a long time ago that when it comes to the long haul, she's into men, and there's no replacing that. If my GF was 20-something and had little experience I would be worried, but she turns 39 in a week and is about as confident in her sexuality as anyone I have ever met. Frankly, she's more likely going to need to worry more about me with other women than I will with her and other "anyone". Although I don't intend to have that be an issue either.
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Old 03-09-2012, 04:58 PM   #164
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I struggle with generating that spark on the date, too, although I am learning to get better at it.

But, then, it may not matter much anymore, because my GF and I are doing really well right now. But I am still working on it, even with her, just to make things more enjoyable for her.

My understanding (and this is hard for me to do, because I am at heart "a nice guy" and I don't step on toes easily) is that you want to be aggressive, be the man. Smallest opportunity for a kiss? Go for it. Take her hand when you're walking around as soon as you can. Surprise her--don't wait for the end of the date to be forward about things. Women like sex, too (I know, amazing huh?)--if she's out on a date with you, she's interested in sex. So just by being on the date, you have a decent chance to generate that spark, and see if there's something there.


This is sound advice for those struggling with the dating scene. Being relaxed and confident are two things women are drawn to.

I would add another secret to drawing a woman towards you is complicated but simple: listen. Ask a few leading questions. When she starts talking about a subject she's interested in, ask a few more questions. If you're knowledgeable about the subject, keep quiet and let her talk about it, but use that knowledge to lead her deeper into the subject. As an anecdote that works constantly for me, I talk maybe about 20% of the time but always get told I'm a great conversationalist (married now, and my wife has been saying it since Day 1 of our dating--perfect for me because I don't want to talk 50% or more of the time). It's psychological, but people love being listened to.

On that same note, there's a huge difference between being a good listener and being a creepy listener. Think Howard from The Big Bang Theory. Don't lean in too close. Don't give too many "Really?" or "I didn't know that" statements. But do make LOTS of eye contact.

I'm guessing you guys aren't oblivious when it comes to dating so just take my extra advice as you feel you need it. I've been in that same boat as some of you. In my 20s, I was frustrated at how hard it was to find a decent date, much less how to be "good" at dating. Later, I took a f*** it approach and just started approaching dating in a selfish way. My selfishness led to me being direct about what I wanted, which strangely enough led to women finding me more alpha than omega in their attraction level.
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Old 03-09-2012, 05:55 PM   #165
Chief Rum
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This is sound advice for those struggling with the dating scene. Being relaxed and confident are two things women are drawn to.

I would add another secret to drawing a woman towards you is complicated but simple: listen. Ask a few leading questions. When she starts talking about a subject she's interested in, ask a few more questions. If you're knowledgeable about the subject, keep quiet and let her talk about it, but use that knowledge to lead her deeper into the subject. As an anecdote that works constantly for me, I talk maybe about 20% of the time but always get told I'm a great conversationalist (married now, and my wife has been saying it since Day 1 of our dating--perfect for me because I don't want to talk 50% or more of the time). It's psychological, but people love being listened to.

On that same note, there's a huge difference between being a good listener and being a creepy listener. Think Howard from The Big Bang Theory. Don't lean in too close. Don't give too many "Really?" or "I didn't know that" statements. But do make LOTS of eye contact.

I'm guessing you guys aren't oblivious when it comes to dating so just take my extra advice as you feel you need it. I've been in that same boat as some of you. In my 20s, I was frustrated at how hard it was to find a decent date, much less how to be "good" at dating. Later, I took a f*** it approach and just started approaching dating in a selfish way. My selfishness led to me being direct about what I wanted, which strangely enough led to women finding me more alpha than omega in their attraction level.

This (and not just because he starts by agreeing with me). I am very good at "conversing" and making eye contact. Like StLee said, I often don't end up speaking more than 20% of the time. I just listen. And I really listen. Pay attention to what she's saying. Try and remember it, too--she WILL reference it later, guaranteed (either later in the date or on future dates). And the eye contact is critical. Do not look at your plate. Do not stare around the room. Look right at her, especially when she's talking. Meet eyes as often as possible.

But keep in mind, this is brief. Do not hold the gaze. If she looks away, don't still be holding the gaze when she looks back. If she doesn't look away, casually look away yourself. Holding that contact for too long is too much for people, and gets uber creepy. But if you don't do it all, she'll assume you're not interested at all. Somewhere in between not interested and uber creepy is a level of eye contact that she will find to be a complete turn-on.

Little touches help, too. A hand to her lower back (not butt!) or briefly to just above her waist (one hand, not both) while you guys are walking, helping guide her, is okay, or a brief touch to her shoulder. If she starts to reach across the table toward you, don't be afraid to take her hand. And put your hand out there, too. Do it while you're engaged, speaking with one another. Bare skin touch better than clothes (but only appropriately bare areas).

Be decisive. This one is very hard for me. I bend over backwards to show a girl a good time, and part of that often ends up me asking her what she wants to do. If you can pull it off, don't ask. Just take her somewhere. Phrase things this way, "I know this great Italian place I want to show you", instead of "do you feel like having Italian?" If she has a problem with what you're doing, she'll say something. Then you just adjust.

Not all the women are the same, and this won't work the same way with all of them, but it works with most.
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Old 03-09-2012, 10:17 PM   #166
Galaxy
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Originally Posted by StLee View Post
This is sound advice for those struggling with the dating scene. Being relaxed and confident are two things women are drawn to.

I would add another secret to drawing a woman towards you is complicated but simple: listen. Ask a few leading questions. When she starts talking about a subject she's interested in, ask a few more questions. If you're knowledgeable about the subject, keep quiet and let her talk about it, but use that knowledge to lead her deeper into the subject. As an anecdote that works constantly for me, I talk maybe about 20% of the time but always get told I'm a great conversationalist (married now, and my wife has been saying it since Day 1 of our dating--perfect for me because I don't want to talk 50% or more of the time). It's psychological, but people love being listened to.

On that same note, there's a huge difference between being a good listener and being a creepy listener. Think Howard from The Big Bang Theory. Don't lean in too close. Don't give too many "Really?" or "I didn't know that" statements. But do make LOTS of eye contact.

I'm guessing you guys aren't oblivious when it comes to dating so just take my extra advice as you feel you need it. I've been in that same boat as some of you. In my 20s, I was frustrated at how hard it was to find a decent date, much less how to be "good" at dating. Later, I took a f*** it approach and just started approaching dating in a selfish way. My selfishness led to me being direct about what I wanted, which strangely enough led to women finding me more alpha than omega in their attraction level.

I'm guessing it varies depending on the level of intelligent (and their backgrounds in terms of occupation, interests, and education--a high school grad will be different than dating someone with a Master's or PhD degree)

How do you open your first messages via online dating?

Last edited by Galaxy : 03-09-2012 at 10:23 PM.
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Old 03-09-2012, 10:43 PM   #167
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This might sound really.....really lame, but if you are worried about how to go about talking to dates, or even people in general, it's not a bad idea to buy a few books on the topic. (And no, I don't mean those "How to bang the chick on the first date" type books)

I'm not afraid to admit that I've hit the books a bit for ideas for how to actually talk to people. One of the books I've read is "How To Talk To Anyone" by Leil Lowndes. It didn't exactly change my life or anything, but it does gives a lot of tips for various situations. A lot seem like common sense....after you hear about it (some do sound pretty silly though). One of the things CR just said about eye contact is something she talked about, as well as how to make eye contact with someone in a group situation when she's not the one talking ("Watch the speaker but let your glance bounce to your target each time the speaker finishes a point.")

It's not like I follow every tip in the book (many just really go against my character too much for me to really consider) and I know it feels a bit embarrassing to buy books like these (thanks Kindle!), but they've helped me stop being a 100%, totally unintentionally creepy guy. Not that I've had any dates, but they have helped me interact with new people in general.
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Old 03-09-2012, 11:15 PM   #168
M GO BLUE!!!
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How old was this woman when it happened?

My GF is very settled in who she is and she has a LOT of experience to back herself up on this. She enjoys her bisexuality, but she came to terms a long time ago that when it comes to the long haul, she's into men, and there's no replacing that. If my GF was 20-something and had little experience I would be worried, but she turns 39 in a week and is about as confident in her sexuality as anyone I have ever met. Frankly, she's more likely going to need to worry more about me with other women than I will with her and other "anyone". Although I don't intend to have that be an issue either.

She was probably in her early 30's. I never asked (and didn't care!)

Happy 39 to your woman! 39 has been an interesting year for me so far...
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Old 03-09-2012, 11:32 PM   #169
Izulde
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The creepy factor is one I've had problems with (big surprise, right?), but a large part of that comes from my hating social situations. A good 75-80% of the time I can't hear what's going on in your average bar situation, and if it's crowded and/or noisy, make that 95%.

So part of that necessity of eye contact is that I won't hear what the girl is saying otherwise and it turns into the How I Met Your Mother club episode, only she can hear me.

Then there's the fact that when I don't look at people directly, I tend to stare vacantly at objects or words, either rearranging letters into other words or pondering whatever subjects the objects bring to mind as a form of escapism while I wish I was anywhere else but that situation. If I can, I get up and leave. If I'm ride dependent, I stay silent and just stare at things around the room, occasionally glancing at people's facial expressions, inserting a smile or laugh where it seems appropriate and... yeah. Most of the time I just tune out completely.
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Old 03-10-2012, 12:30 AM   #170
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Holy shit. I just found one of my roommates on match.com. I am so going to bust her chops about it hahahahahahahaha.

Put it this way, the type of dude she's looking for, there is no way in hell she's going to find him online dating.

Setting her straight on this is going to be good fun.
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Old 03-10-2012, 12:34 AM   #171
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Holy shit. I just found one of my roommates on match.com. I am so going to bust her chops about it hahahahahahahaha.

Put it this way, the type of dude she's looking for, there is no way in hell she's going to find him online dating.

Setting her straight on this is going to be good fun.

Oh...This will be good. I love it when you come across people you knew (but maybe weren't friends with) in high school and such.

What is she looking for?

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Old 03-10-2012, 01:42 AM   #172
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A 6'-6'7" athletic, toned guy who is genuine, intelligent, Christian and normal because she hasn't had any luck finding that in this city outside our little group (which in and of itself has had some amusing relationship dynamics).

Yeah. I don't see her finding that on match.com. Maybe 2 out of the assortment, 3 tops. But all of them? Doubt it.
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Old 03-10-2012, 02:19 AM   #173
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A 6'-6'7" athletic, toned guy who is genuine, intelligent, Christian and normal because she hasn't had any luck finding that in this city outside our little group (which in and of itself has had some amusing relationship dynamics).

Yeah. I don't see her finding that on match.com. Maybe 2 out of the assortment, 3 tops. But all of them? Doubt it.

She better be one hell of a catch, because the demand-and-supply ratio won't be in her favor.
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Old 03-10-2012, 02:42 AM   #174
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So part of that necessity of eye contact is that I won't hear what the girl is saying otherwise

Yep. Hearing impairment is a fun thing to deal with when you're attempting to...well, do much of anything on the dating scene.
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Old 03-10-2012, 05:50 AM   #175
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Holy shit. I just found one of my roommates on match.com. I am so going to bust her chops about it hahahahahahahaha.

Put it this way, the type of dude she's looking for, there is no way in hell she's going to find him online dating.

Setting her straight on this is going to be good fun.

This is probably why you haven't had a date in ten years.

Just sayin'
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Old 03-10-2012, 06:03 AM   #176
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She better be one hell of a catch, because the demand-and-supply ratio won't be in her favor.

I love it when you see a woman that looks like Mrs. Haney (Green Acres) who is very specific about what she wants, and there is no way in hell she'll get him without a shotgun, date-rape drug and a prayer..
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:06 AM   #177
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Holy shit. I just found one of my roommates on match.com. I am so going to bust her chops about it hahahahahahahaha.

Put it this way, the type of dude she's looking for, there is no way in hell she's going to find him online dating.

Setting her straight on this is going to be good fun.

I'm Pretty sure this movie ends with you ddating her. I had to have seen this chick flick already.
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Old 03-10-2012, 08:05 AM   #178
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It's times like this I wish a certain Longhorns fan was still a member here...
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Old 03-10-2012, 08:09 AM   #179
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A hand to her lower back (not butt!) or briefly to just above her waist (one hand, not both) while you guys are walking, helping guide her, is okay,

I've always felt like I owed a debt to the first somewhat older woman I ever dated for teaching me that particular trick.
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Old 03-10-2012, 08:11 AM   #180
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Most of the time I just tune out completely.

Chicks hate that shit, you can't really do that until after you're married (or at least engaged with a date)

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Old 03-10-2012, 08:24 AM   #181
M GO BLUE!!!
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Be caught a couple times checking out her rack. Try to play it off, but her noticing you noticing goes a long way. If you don't, you're not interested. If you overdo it you're a perv. She probable spent time looking at them in the mirror to put on her best "face," so you better notice.
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Old 03-10-2012, 09:44 AM   #182
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I love it when you see a woman that looks like Mrs. Haney (Green Acres) who is very specific about what she wants, and there is no way in hell she'll get him without a shotgun, date-rape drug and a prayer..

Don't settle, right?
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:00 AM   #183
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Yep. Hearing impairment is a fun thing to deal with when you're attempting to...well, do much of anything on the dating scene.

Or much of anything dealing with social interactions.
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:39 PM   #184
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Or much of anything dealing with social interactions.

+1
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:57 PM   #185
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+1

+2.
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Old 03-10-2012, 02:05 PM   #186
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She better be one hell of a catch, because the demand-and-supply ratio won't be in her favor.

She's mildly cute right now, I would say, but the jury's out on whether she'll age well. And to her defense, she's both intelligent and athletic (earned a sports scholarship to her undergrad school, I believe).

However, I think her expectations have perhaps been inflated by the fact that she's considered the most attractive single female in the program, so many of the single guys have fallen and fallen hard for her.

I'd probably put her somewhere in the 7s in terms of total package (looks, smarts, personality, etc), which, while better than the standard online dating female, probably isn't enough to get her that sort of rare bird she's going for.
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Old 03-10-2012, 02:09 PM   #187
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I'm Pretty sure this movie ends with you ddating her. I had to have seen this chick flick already.

Nah. 1) She's a roommate, 2) There's already been some hilarious inter-group drama/dating with two other guys. I want to be able to keep laughing at the absurdity, not become a part of it, and 3) It's quite clear she's not in to me at all and even if she were, I'm not normal, Christian, 6' (5'10), or athletic/toned. Shit I haven't done anything participating athletically since two weeks of fencing at Wyoming back in 2005. Did try out for the club soccer team at UW-La Crosse back in '07 or '08, but didn't make it.
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Old 03-10-2012, 05:20 PM   #188
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Or much of anything dealing with social interactions.

This is why I play video games on Friday and Saturday nights instead of going out and getting shitfaced.
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Old 03-10-2012, 06:26 PM   #189
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That answer was neither a confirmation, nor a denial.

Here's a little story about a friend of mine...

His second wife comes home one day and tells him that she has tried to be good, but can't repress her bisexuality any longer. She needed a woman. Would it be ok if she went to the bar, picked up a woman, brought her home and they shared her? His answer was what many men's would have been. And he enjoyed a couple years of his wife bringing home women.

Then, she tells him that she is jealous of him being with these women. She wants them to herself. Oh, and she's really not feeling men anymore either. Next thing, there is a steady woman. She moves in with her, leaving him with three kids in the house (two were hers from a previous relationship.) She comes back a while later, then misses her girlfriend & throws him out the house so the girlfriend can move in. Another fight with the girlfriend & his brother moves in. (He no longer talks with his brother.)

They finally got divorced & he's on marriage #3.

(Just a little story to beware that something that seems phenomenally lucky can really be something completely fucked up on the horizon.)

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How old was this woman when it happened?

My GF is very settled in who she is and she has a LOT of experience to back herself up on this. She enjoys her bisexuality, but she came to terms a long time ago that when it comes to the long haul, she's into men, and there's no replacing that. If my GF was 20-something and had little experience I would be worried, but she turns 39 in a week and is about as confident in her sexuality as anyone I have ever met. Frankly, she's more likely going to need to worry more about me with other women than I will with her and other "anyone". Although I don't intend to have that be an issue either.

My wife is very comfortable with her's as well. The last two times we have gone to the comedy club my wife has been hit on in the bathroom. Both times the women were quite attractive, and even though my wife didn't pursue it, it certainly brought a different dynamic to the bedroom.
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:09 PM   #190
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What?
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Old 03-10-2012, 07:58 PM   #191
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She was the man that night.
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Old 03-10-2012, 09:06 PM   #192
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Who Wants To Be My Forever Daddy
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Old 03-10-2012, 09:57 PM   #193
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I believe that Simba forgot to include that Mommy is insane.
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:06 PM   #194
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So are replies supposed to be addressed to the cat?
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:30 PM   #195
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Wow...That perfect driving record is sexy.
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Old 03-10-2012, 10:52 PM   #196
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So are replies supposed to be addressed to the cat?

You got me laughing hard with this.
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:35 PM   #197
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She's mildly cute right now, I would say, but the jury's out on whether she'll age well. And to her defense, she's both intelligent and athletic (earned a sports scholarship to her undergrad school, I believe).

However, I think her expectations have perhaps been inflated by the fact that she's considered the most attractive single female in the program, so many of the single guys have fallen and fallen hard for her.

I'd probably put her somewhere in the 7s in terms of total package (looks, smarts, personality, etc), which, while better than the standard online dating female, probably isn't enough to get her that sort of rare bird she's going for.

The question is, how long will she be in her prime to be able to think that way?
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Old 03-21-2012, 08:34 AM   #198
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You know what is a huge turnoff to me? When in a profile women get basics wrong. You should be looking for "a good man" not "a good men" (the "I am a good women" is there too")

I just read a woman who wrote she likes to "live life to the fullness"

Does that mean she suffers from chronic "itis?"
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Old 03-21-2012, 11:48 AM   #199
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Originally Posted by M GO BLUE!!! View Post
You know what is a huge turnoff to me? When in a profile women get basics wrong. You should be looking for "a good man" not "a good men" (the "I am a good women" is there too")

I just read a woman who wrote she likes to "live life to the fullness"

Does that mean she suffers from chronic "itis?"

Keep in mind, a high percentage of those profiles are written by foreign women (or sometimes, not even women) who are part of scams to try to get you hooked into them, so you'll spend money on them. So English is not their first language.

I have learned to read profiles carefully to look for "foreign" indicators before I try to contact them.
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:40 PM   #200
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Keep in mind, a high percentage of those profiles are written by foreign women (or sometimes, not even women) who are part of scams to try to get you hooked into them, so you'll spend money on them. So English is not their first language.

I have learned to read profiles carefully to look for "foreign" indicators before I try to contact them.

What sites are you using?
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