Do you have a will?

[Kodos]

The Maximus debacle and Mrsimperless's FOFC Elite thread inspired today's poll. I am 35 and don't have one. Maybe I should think about fixing that. I have beneficiaries designated on my 401(k) and insurance, but no actual will.

[SackAttack]

Honestly, I would have thought the Terry Schiavo debacle would have highlighted the importance of having a will of some kind. Is it just that having somebody we "know" pass is making it hit closer to home?

[Kodos]

I guess I'm still at an age where I consider myself unlikely to die. But yeah, today's stuff plus Sharpieman's unfortunate passing are making me think I ought to reconsider.

[JeeberD]

Nope. I'm 28 and have nothing of real value. Why would I need one?

Now after I get married and start pumping out little Jeeblets then yeah, I'll get one. Of course, knowing myself as well as I'll do I'll procrastinate and wind up not making one until I'm either 70 or already dead...

[albionmoonlight]

Anyone with kids should have a will--just so there is a clear final statement of what to do with custody if all primary caregivers die suddenly at the same time.

[Dutch]

My wife and I had our wills done last year. Nobody wants to think about that stuff, but shit happens, and you have to be thoughtful enough to think about your family.

[mrsimperless]

Originally Posted by Dutch

My wife and I had our wills done last year. Nobody wants to think about that stuff, but shit happens, and you have to be thoughtful enough to think about your family.

Did you think about your FOFC community too? Huh?? What about us?

[gstelmack]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Anyone with kids should have a will--just so there is a clear final statement of what to do with custody if all primary caregivers die suddenly at the same time.

Yup. My wife and I finally got ours done, with the kids being the primary motivator.

The Terry Schiavo case is all about living wills and healthcare powers of attorney, not the actual will itself.

[Dutch]

Originally Posted by mrsimperless

Did you think about your FOFC community too? Huh?? What about us?

I guess I could put FOFC in, but then I think I'd only have enough to buy everybody a cup of coffee.

As it stands now, my wife and kids and knock down a couple of triple mocha's from Starbucks.

[Eaglesfan27]

I don't have one yet, but I'm dealing with reality that I should have one written soon

[Fonzie]

From its title I thought this thread was going to be about being self-determined and autonomous.

In which case my answer would have to be "maybe."

[SnDvls]

I actually was just talking about this with my financial advisor last week. I'm only 30, but I do have a 1 year old. Now my wife and I do have life insurance that will take care of either her or I plus our daughter if either of us were to die. I have a program my dad gave me that I just need to do it. I'm kind of in the same frame as most here in their 30's, "I'm not going to die I'm only 30," but I really should do something.

[Blade6119]

Im 18...i like to think im not going to die yet...so for the forseeable future i dont intend to have one. Once i start a family i will though.

[Ksyrup]

Here I am, an attorney, and I have to admit that we don't have one. Here's the problem, though, and perhaps those of you with kids can help with this dilemma:

How did you decide who would get custody in the event you both die?

This is an extremely touchy subject for us, because we can't choose without either set of our parents being upset about it. We discussed it before our trip to Hawaii last year, but didn't do a will because of the backlash from both sets of our parents over the hypothetical situation of choosing one over the other. So, we haven't done anything, which I acknowledge is no solution.

And that's not the only problem - it's not like we've decided on which set of parents and we're afraid of hurting the others feelings, but we both think our parents are better-suited, so we haven't gotten into that issue for fear that we will get upset with each other. It's a huge mess that we just haven't been willing to deal with.

So, what did the rest of you do?

[albionmoonlight]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Here I am, an attorney, and I have to admit that we don't have one. Here's the problem, though, and perhaps those of you with kids can help with this dilemma:

How did you decide who would get custody in the event you both die?

This is an extremely touchy subject for us, because we can't choose without either set of our parents being upset about it. We discussed it before our trip to Hawaii last year, but didn't do a will because of the backlash from both sets of our parents over the hypothetical situation of choosing one over the other. So, we haven't done anything, which I acknowledge is no solution.

And that's not the only problem - it's not like we've decided on which set of parents and we're afraid of hurting the others feelings, but we both think our parents are better-suited, so we haven't gotten into that issue for fear that we will get upset with each other. It's a huge mess that we just haven't been willing to deal with.

So, what did the rest of you do?

I don't really think that there is a one size fits all answer because it is such an important issue to people. Mrs. A. and I decided that (when we have kids) we will ask my sister and brother-in-law to raise them (as opposed to her sister and brother-in-law). We had a lot of discussion about that point, but ultimately decided on my sister because we had also decided to raise the kids Espiscopalian (her religion) instead of Catholic (mine).

Now, I don't think that couples should make major (or even minor) decisions by "horse trading." And I want to emphasize that both of these decisions were made with a lot of discussion. But sometimes you just come to a point where something is important to each of you and there just is no middle ground. In our individual instance, however, what seemed like a zero-sum problem with no real solution, ended up seeming like it had a somewhat natural answer after we finished talking it over.

I think that the first thing that you need to do is start out with the idea of you each want to do what is best for the kids (which I assume is true). And don't go into any one discussion with the idea that you will solve the problem. Just with the idea that you will talk some things out. And then just start saying why you think that your parents are better for the kids and why her parents (while awesome) are not quite as good a fit. And vice-versa.

Hopefully, something organic will evolve after enough conversation.

[Ksyrup]

Yeah, we thought about brothers/sisters, but ruled them out. My brother and his wife are going to be DINKs for the rest of their lives - he's a doctor, she's a nurse. Her brother is married with no kids and is a state trooper, which isn't an ideal situation. And her sister has a young kid and would be the best fit, except I have serious issues with her husband and would never trust him with my kids.

As far as parents go, it ultimately seems to turn into a battle of political ads - there's only so much you can say positive about your choice, and eventual it turns into a list of reasons why the other isn't so good. And that, of course, causes hurt feelings.

We need to deal with it eventually. I'm thinking about telling my wife that she and I need to make the decision and not tell either of our parents. They both know they are in consideration, so if something happened, it wouldn't be a total shock to them to suddenly have two kids on their hands. And perhaps we set something up for the other parents to get visitation, if that's possible. I haven't looked into it that much, really.

[Buzzbee]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Yeah, we thought about brothers/sisters, but ruled them out. My brother and his wife are going to be DINKs for the rest of their lives - he's a doctor, she's a nurse. Her brother is married with no kids and is a state trooper, which isn't an ideal situation. And her sister has a young kid and would be the best fit, except I have serious issues with her husband and would never trust him with my kids.

As far as parents go, it ultimately seems to turn into a battle of political ads - there's only so much you can say positive about your choice, and eventual it turns into a list of reasons why the other isn't so good. And that, of course, causes hurt feelings.

We need to deal with it eventually. I'm thinking about telling my wife that she and I need to make the decision and not tell either of our parents. They both know they are in consideration, so if something happened, it wouldn't be a total shock to them to suddenly have two kids on their hands. And perhaps we set something up for the other parents to get visitation, if that's possible. I haven't looked into it that much, really.

Perhaps a thought would be to sit down with each of your parents and discuss the problem. Unless they simply don't like each other, they may have some insightful reasons pro or con that you may not have thought about.

Also, while they might not readily admit it, they might be saddened by not being 'chosen' but at the same time relieved that they don't have to face the responsibility of raising kids, again.

[SnDvls]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

We need to deal with it eventually. I'm thinking about telling my wife that she and I need to make the decision and not tell either of our parents. They both know they are in consideration, so if something happened, it wouldn't be a total shock to them to suddenly have two kids on their hands. And perhaps we set something up for the other parents to get visitation, if that's possible. I haven't looked into it that much, really.

I think this is the most reasonable.

It gets really complicated on my part. Both my parents are divorced and remarried. My wife's parents are divorced and her dad is remarried. (I won't go into the problems holidays bring or planning our wedding a few years ago as the exs don't get along). We decided if we had to pick a "parent set" it would be my mom and her husband (he's not my step-father as they were married when I was in college and out of the house, but he's a great guy) the reason was they would be albe to most help our child/children cope with the loss and still lead the same life they did leave with the addition of a child.

If we were to choose a "sibling" we probally would pick my sister. She's older than both of us and has kids already so it would also be seemless, as much as it could be with the loss of a parent.

[Swaggs]

This is probably something I should be worried about now that I have a wife and a house, but we probably won't do anything until we have children.

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Yeah, we thought about brothers/sisters, but ruled them out. My brother and his wife are going to be DINKs for the rest of their lives - he's a doctor, she's a nurse. Her brother is married with no kids and is a state trooper, which isn't an ideal situation. And her sister has a young kid and would be the best fit, except I have serious issues with her husband and would never trust him with my kids.

What is a DINK?

[gottimd]

duckman, gottimd, Radii, Schmidty, waitforit

There can only be one!

[Galaxy]

[quote=Ksyrup]Yeah, we thought about brothers/sisters, but ruled them out. My brother and his wife are going to be DINKs for the rest of their lives - he's a doctor, she's a nurse. Her brother is married with no kids and is a state trooper, which isn't an ideal situation. And her sister has a young kid and would be the best fit, except I have serious issues with her husband and would never trust him with my kids.
[quote]

Have no clue what you mean by DINK, but do you think that one set of the parents would change their lifestyle if they had to had the chance? Had you talk to them about it? Your brother is a doctor, which I assume he makes a nice living, could it possible for his wive to consider becoming a stay-at-home mom?

[Raiders Army]

Hells yeah I gots a will. If I die in Iraq, I don't want the state to take my stuff.

[albionmoonlight]

Originally Posted by Eaglesfan27

What is a DINK?

Double Income, No Kids

[duckman]

Originally Posted by gottimd

There can only be one!

I'm it, bitch!

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by albionmoonlight

Double Income, No Kids

Ahh, we are DINK's for the moment then. However, Mrs. Eaglesfan is strongly considering not working for at least the first few years after we have kids. Interestingly, we've already been asked by my uncle to raise his kids if he and his wife should ever die at the same time. I was very flattered by the request and said yes (after talking it over with my wife of course) but we see it as being a very difficult job should that happen.

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by Ksyrup

Here I am, an attorney, and I have to admit that we don't have one. Here's the problem, though, and perhaps those of you with kids can help with this dilemma:

How did you decide who would get custody in the event you both die?

This is an extremely touchy subject for us, because we can't choose without either set of our parents being upset about it. We discussed it before our trip to Hawaii last year, but didn't do a will because of the backlash from both sets of our parents over the hypothetical situation of choosing one over the other. So, we haven't done anything, which I acknowledge is no solution.

And that's not the only problem - it's not like we've decided on which set of parents and we're afraid of hurting the others feelings, but we both think our parents are better-suited, so we haven't gotten into that issue for fear that we will get upset with each other. It's a huge mess that we just haven't been willing to deal with.

So, what did the rest of you do?

We ruled out our parents right away, based on their age. While we thought they'd do a great job raising Baby Rahn, we both agreed they were just too old. Then we looked to our siblings and close family friends. My sister is total trash and I don't want her anywhere near my son. Arlie's youngest sister isn't that responsible (and a bit of a dingbat IMHO) , and so we were left with his middle sister or a family friend. We went with her because I'm not comfortable asking any of my close friends to take on such a huge responsibility.

We also made sure she agreed, up front, to our requests on how our son would be raised. College funding, cars, religion, etc. After everyone agreed, we told the family that this was what we decided. And if they had any complaints they should keep it to themselves. He's our son and this is what we want.

We do not have a back up guardian if anything were to happen to her.

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by duckman

I'm it, bitch!

LET THE QUICKENING BEGIN!

[Gallifrey]

Yes, we do. We travel all over the world so we need one.

What happened to Maximus?

[Eaglesfan27]

Originally Posted by Gallifrey

Yes, we do. We travel all over the world so we need one.

What happened to Maximus?

He may (I believe he did) have faked his own death on here.

[st.cronin]

Originally Posted by Farrah Whitworth-Rahn

We ruled out our parents right away, based on their age. While we thought they'd do a great job raising Baby Rahn, we both agreed they were just too old. Then we looked to our siblings and close family friends. My sister is total trash and I don't want her anywhere near my son. Arlie's youngest sister isn't that responsible (and a bit of a dingbat IMHO) , and so we were left with his middle sister or a family friend. We went with her because I'm not comfortable asking any of my close friends to take on such a huge responsibility.

We also made sure she agreed, up front, to our requests on how our son would be raised. College funding, cars, religion, etc. After everyone agreed, we told the family that this was what we decided. And if they had any complaints they should keep it to themselves. He's our son and this is what we want.

We do not have a back up guardian if anything were to happen to her.

I'm really surprised that you and Arlie never considered giving FOFC the guardianship of your child. I think we would do a bang-up job.

[JeeberD]

I got dibs on teaching Baby Boy Rahn-FOFC (he'll have to adjust his last name once we take over, of course) how to surf for porn!

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by st.cronin

I'm really surprised that you and Arlie never considered giving FOFC the guardianship of your child. I think we would do a bang-up job.

Where would he live? In the server?

[Farrah Whitworth-Rahn]

Originally Posted by JeeberD

I got dibs on teaching Baby Boy Rahn-FOFC (he'll have to adjust his last name once we take over, of course) how to surf for porn!

I've already got dibs on that Jeebs. I've already taken him on his first trip to the hardware store. It's a logical progression.

[Ksyrup]

Originally Posted by Buzzbee

Perhaps a thought would be to sit down with each of your parents and discuss the problem. Unless they simply don't like each other, they may have some insightful reasons pro or con that you may not have thought about.

Also, while they might not readily admit it, they might be saddened by not being 'chosen' but at the same time relieved that they don't have to face the responsibility of raising kids, again.

They like each other, but that doesn't help. And they'd rather bear the burden than have that burden given to the other.

[MIJB#19]

Originally Posted by gottimd

LET THE QUICKENING BEGIN!

classic.

[Danny]

I don't have one at the moment. Not sure I need one at this point, but it doesn't bother me at all to think about it.

I generally handle death better then anyone in my family. That said, when I have a wife and kids someday, I'm sure the thought of losing them would change things.