Wedding Shower/Wedding gifts

[sooner333]

My friends are starting to get married and the weddings are starting to come at a fast and furious pace. Unfortunately, the "couples shower" is starting to become popular, so I am having to go to these events even though I'm a guy and should be excluded.

I have been told by a few family me,bees and friends that bringing a nice gift (obviously one that would have cost enough to be a wedding gift) to a wedding shower can essentially take the place of getting two gifts. Perhaps this is local custom, I'm not sure. But I've also been looked at like I'm crazy for mentioning this idea to others.

For one of these events, I've essentially followed the one gift model. I also know some friends doing this, so I feel like I'm in the clear. But, I might as well get some other opinions. Am I being cheap or is this acceptable?

[sabotai]

The whole concept of a "couples shower".....the whole wedding procedure is getting worse and worse. Sorry, I have no input because I've never heard of a "couples shower". I can't imagine what they'll think of next....

[Lathum]

I'm a little confused. So do you mean a combination gift for the shower/wedding?

[sooner333]

Yes, bring a nice gift to the shower that costs what you would have spent on the wedding present. They are registered and the invitation says where.

[sabotai]

So, does this "couples shower" also take the place of a bachelor party?

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by sooner333

Yes, bring a nice gift to the shower that costs what you would have spent on the wedding present. They are registered and the invitation says where.

seems cheap to me.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Lathum

seems cheap to me.

Me too. Not that the shower isn't a gift grab (it often is), but if you don't like it, make up an excuse and don't go.

[Pyser]

i think shower gifts can be small. real small. like $30 small. don't cheap out.

[Philliesfan980]

Have to agree with the other posters in this thread. Get something relatively cheap or just decline all together.

As far as the wedding is concerned, if you don't give at least $100 x the number of guests your bringing, you're a major cheapass and really shouldn't go. This rule excludes people who are in dire financial conditions (note I said dire).

[Logan]

The problem with the question is that it will obviously vary heavily based on the local tradition (an evolving one, it seems like here). Thankfully the "couples shower" hasn't made it's way to this area and with the majority of my friends already being married, I should dodge it. I'm not even sure what happens at these things...is it just a fancier, pinker engagement party (which people do have here in many cases)? Getting married next year and my fiancee refuses to have a shower, but we're having an engagement party next month since we're doing a destination wedding and a lot of extended family/family friends won't end up coming.

I would just go for a cheap gift off the registry for the shower, cash for the wedding.

[sooner333]

Originally Posted by Logan

The problem with the question is that it will obviously vary heavily based on the local tradition (an evolving one, it seems like here). Thankfully the "couples shower" hasn't made it's way to this area and with the majority of my friends already being married, I should dodge it. I'm not even sure what happens at these things...is it just a fancier, pinker engagement party (which people do have here in many cases)? Getting married next year and my fiancee refuses to have a shower, but we're having an engagement party next month since we're doing a destination wedding and a lot of extended family/family friends won't end up coming.

I would just go for a cheap gift off the registry for the shower, cash for the wedding.

Yeah, I should have probably known better than to ask a question on a forum with people from all over the place where there are so many different traditions on gifting. For example, I know some places they say you must bring enough money to cover the cost of your portion of the reception--that is not really mentioned here. Also, a lot of places cash is traditional at weddings, and that is not necessarily the norm here (I think one friend I'm going to would think that was really impersonal).

That being said, the one couples shower I've been to (and gave the fancier gift already) was put on by the friends of the bride and it was a very casual deal in somebody's backyard with BBQ and beer. Maybe 20 people there.

The next one I'm going to is put on by some friends of the bride's family, this one will be nicer, but it is some sort of western themed deal. It will probably be quite like their engagement party (which they already had).