Separation, divorce and advice on a new blog

[sposfan]

Longtime lurker and addict of FOFC, but I barely post.

I'm going through some massive changes in my personal life (Hey there, Mr. Divorce!) and I've taken to blogging about it, more for my own personal edification than anything else, but people seem to be finding it and I (probably naively ) trust and respect the FOFC community so I'd appreciate any feedback, good and bad. Heck, please be brutal.

onedadtwogirls | Trying hard to avoid therapy…


While the divorce itself is increasingly ugly and harmful to my two girls (8 and 12), I can't share too much about it there yet, especially with a giant custody fight on my hands. All I'll say right now is that while I understand that there's 3 sides to every story, lying in your sworn statement about obvious and incontrovertible matters like how many bedrooms in your new place or that my license was revoked and telling the school there was a restraining order against me (completely false) doesn't leave her much credibility.

Anyways, I'm sure I'll end up posting more of the sordid details here for advice and venting purposes, but in the meantime, thanks in advance!

[britrock88]

Take advantage of the outlet, but be careful (as you're aware), and (to comment on your subtitle) don't attach a stigma to therapy--it could prove very useful if the need arises. But good luck in the process!

[sposfan]

Thanks! Oh, and there's no stigma to therapy, the girls are female, Jewish and have ME as a dad...therapy is a given!

[MacroGuru]

I just finished a nasty ass 4 1/2 year divorce battle. It involved my 3 kids, her having a boyfriend in the beginning and then bringing in another that made matters even worse.

It had its massive share of drama, but I had my own thread I used to vent and show growth as I moved on.

By all means vent, if you want to talk, don't hesitate to PM me either...I had several on here do that for me too.

[sposfan]

Thank you so much for the offer, I'll likely take you up on it. Your thread was probably the reason I took the plunge and posted here at all.

[Toddzilla]

I can't imagine how unbelievable difficult this must be. Best to you and your girls. If I could give any advice at all it would be to totally devoting yourself to your kids. Its good for them - obv - but it will also do wonders for your peace-of-mind and self-image.

Hang in there and good luck.

[sposfan]

Thank you sir!

[Ajaxab]

Two tips that could save you some grief...take them for what they're worth.

1) Don't disparage your ex in front of your girls, even if she is the most despicable individual. Slamming her in front of them is still slamming a part of them. For all the gratification and catharsis you might get from telling them how awful their Mom is, it's not worth it in the long term. They are more likely to turn on you for what you have said if you use them for therapy. They love their Mom because she is their Mom. And if your ex is as bad as she seems, let the years speak for the minutes. Your daughters will figure things out one day, even if they might not see it now.

2) Avoid dating for awhile. Being attracted to other people is normal, but acting on that attraction while you're still hurt will only cause you to be attracted to women you would never find attractive in a normal situation. It make sense that you should want to feel accepted and loved again, but acting on that desire too soon could mean ending up in a worse place than you are now. You want to be whole before you get in a new relationship. As Todd says above, the most important females in your life are your daughters. And they should be for awhile.

[sposfan]

Thanks Ajaxb, appreciate your chiming in!

I completely agree with you on both counts. It's been almost 2 months now and I'm taking the high road the entire time (the view is much nicer from up here, with the added bonus of the fact that I'm looking even better compared to her). I've never said anything bad about her in the least in front of the kids and never will. It's much more fun to keep giving her rope and watching her hang herself with it!

I'm too focused on my kids right now to even think about dating. I have enough to keep busy with and if it happens down the road, then so be it. Not only that, but when and if it does happen, it will be even longer until she would meet my kids.


We actually separated once before about 4 years ago for 6 months before she asked to get back together (ahhh, sweet, sweet hindsight), so unfortunately I've been through this before. Maybe next week when I'm without the kids I'll post THAT story, that one's even better than this and FOFC will have a blast with it!

[Desnudo]

'onedadtwogirls"

I think I know why people are finding your blog...

[sposfan]

Something to do with cups, perchance? ☺

[Marc Vaughan]

The blog is excellent - well done

[sposfan]

Thank you Marc, appreciate the kind words. Now I have to make sure I keep it up! (that's what she said! )

[sposfan]

New post up talking about discipline and the single parent. Had more fun with the ex the other day. I'm going to start posting the fun stuff this week for your viewing pleasure!

New post up! Appreciate any shares and retweets! Talking about discipline and the single parent...

Loverboy was wrong… it should be “Everybody’s working ON the weekend” | onedadtwogirls

[sposfan]

Okay, time for some fun. I can't really talk about this time, but I can post about the previous time we separated. She fell in with this online con man (who she never met) who claimed to be able to slow and prevent dementia [EDIT: I should point out that he has no medical training nor any background in medicine]. Based on his website and his correspondence with her, I had major warning bells go off. His initial foray with her was about women's empowerment. He was going to give a seminar about it and as a"Internationally known Women Empowerment Expert and motivational speaker"

Despite doing some major online research, I was unable to find ANY reference to him and a connection to women's empowerment.

Here's a copy of the flyer they used to try to get it going. Needless to say, with (from what I remember) only 2 or 3 potential attendees, it was quickly cancelled. I have removed the names for now, but that's all, everything else is a direct copy and paste.

Women’s Empowerment Workshop


Internationally known Women Empowerment Expert and motivational speaker XXX XXXXXX will be in Montreal for the first time to give a life changing and business empowering workshop for women of all ages. Ray is the founder and CEO of XXXXXXX LLC, and was named “The Visionary of the Year” in 2000 by The Smithsonian Institution and has built many companies from Telecommunications to Healthcare and Women Make-over/ Women Self-defense.

The focus will be on self-motivation, self-esteem, relationship building, personal safety and security training. You will also receive valuable information on self and body image, communication skills and a whole lot more!

1. Learn how and why relationships work or fail and why almost 60% of marriages break apart.
2. Learn how to look & feel younger without diets, beauty products and especially without cosmetic surgery!
3. Learn how to distinguish men who want a relationship from those who just want to “play.”
4. Learn how to protect yourself physically and emotionally with special martial arts techniques designed specifically for women!
5. Learn how to establish a business and thrive in some (still) male-dominated industries.
6. Learn about job and career creation for women, creating new markets and women helping women industries.
This Women’s Empowerment Workshop will be held Sunday, October 30, 2011 from
9-5 at: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX, Montreal
This is an all day event, so be prepared to focus the day on yourself ladies!

(Lunch is not included, but there are 2 restaurants on site)

The cost for this all day seminar is only $65, and the value

Remember – there is NEVER an extra charge for laughs – guaranteed!
Here is a quote from Mr. Ashton, whose Words of Wisdom are recognized world-wide!

“Life without a passion is an existence without purpose.”


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Pre-register by October 11th as we are limited to only one hundred seats and they usually go very quickly! Please Email me directly at: [email protected] and you’ll receive an online invoice to be paid upon receipt.