To Catch a Butterfly: A Mini-Dating Dynasty

[Cap Ologist]

So, I find myself single and back in the dating game. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who I'm going to call WingGirl and I were going to go barhopping. She was going to eat with some friends while I was going to try out a bar I'd driven by several times but never been too, then meet up later.

The bar was ok. I sat at the bar and chatted up a cute bartender. A friend of hers named Brittany came in and sat next to me, and as the bar got busier and busier, Brittany and I started talking more and more. She was cute, maybe 25 or so, but had a real grating conversation style. So, I tab out, and head to my next stop, a bar I go to a couple of times a month.

On the way, I called WingGirl, but she was already pretty buzzed and so she was going to crash at a friends. I decided to abort my next stop and just go to my usual hangout. I figured it would be a pretty safe bet that either some of my friends would be there or a new waitress who I'll call Butterfly would be there. Butterfly and I had struck up somewhat of a friendship. I'm always a little cynical with people who work for tips, but she would usually come sit at my table when it was slow.

I walked through the bar, no friends there. Scan the waitresses, and she was there. The place was fairly empty, so I jokingly asked if she had an open table in her section. She had just been cut for the evening, so I grabbed a seat at the bar.

She passed by again, and I asked if she'd stop for a drink when she was finished with whatever she had to do before she left. She agreed, I ordered her a drink and moved to a table outside. We hung out for a bit, had a few more drinks, and then we went across the street to another bar.

I had never been there before, and it's not much to get excited about. We went and hung out with her friends til closing and then somehow she and I stuck around inside for another 30 minutes. I'm not really sure how we managed that one, but apparently closing time doesn't apply to Butterfly.

During the time we were together, I'd gotten to know a few things about her that I hadn't known before. At some point, I sent WingGirl a text about her saying, "Met someone, at another bar now, very cute, a few red flags and probably a bit too much drama, we'll see". Looking back now, I think I pretty much nailed it on the head. Finally, it’s time to go home, she hugs me, tells me she had fun and she’ll see me later.

So the next day, WingGirl is more curious now that she is sober. I play coy, not really giving out specifics because I didn’t want my normal crew of friends to make it awkward next time Butterfly waits on us if she was just buzzed. So, eventually she gives up, and we agree to meet up that night at our normal spot. I get there first, Butterfly seats me, and about 8-10 friends show up within the next 5 minutes or s. WingGirl trys to use peer pressure on me to get me to reveal all.

I deflect all questions because I haven’t even had time to talk to Butterfly, and there’s no way I’m going to let them have fun at my expense all night. Butterfly comes over several times and chats which wasn’t suspicious because she always had. Then she outs me to the group by asking them if I’d told them about the other bar I’d gone to last night. So, now they’re all smirking at me, fortunately they didn’t say or do anything too stupid.

So a few nights later, I’m back at my hangout, and she’s there. She gets cut, we have a drink, and we head across the street. Closing comes and go, and this time as I leave, we hug and kiss. So, I’m thinking maybe I’m not as off base as I thought.

Butterfly and I are very different, which probably makes her somewhat more appealing than she should be. Our differences aren’t major issues, just more personal preferences I guess. It’s really caused me to think about why I prefer those things and if they should be the deal breakers they used to be for me. I’m a pretty logical/rational guy and there’s no real reason that I can find for why I’m interested in her, when before I would have just passed her by. The only real reason I can come up with even now, is that you continue to do the same things over and over expect a different result, you’re insane. My rules/preferences haven’t worked out too well for me, so maybe it’s the breath of fresh air feeling I get when I’m around her because she is so different from what I’m used to.

So, a few days later, WingGirl is meeting a guy at our hangout, and wants me to drop in after a bit and meet him. He’s nice enough, and they leave. I stay there because it was a Wednesday night and there only like 6 other people there. Butterfly is closing, so she’s not going to get cut, and I have to get up early the next day, so I just decide to go for it. I walk over to her after I pay up, and ask her out. She says yes, and then it’s just a matter of aligning schedules.

Ah, the frustrations of having a 7:30a to 3:30p job and trying to find time to go out with someone who works 5:00p to 2:00a. That week wasn’t going to work, so we just have to wait for the new schedule to come out. She has one day off, and it’s the one day that I have something I can’t get out of for work. Anyway, at some point during this time I get the feeling that she is having second thoughts. Don’t really know why, but just had this gut feeling.

Finally, last Sunday, my crew and I are there watching the games, the Cowboys game ends and they begin to leave. She’s getting off work, and she comes outside for a drink, but every part of her body language is saying she doesn’t want to be out there. Kind of a bummer for me, so I tell her that if she doesn’t want to be there or go out, just tell me, I’m a big boy and I’m not going to get my feelings hurt. She gets up and heads back inside without saying anything.

So, I’m finishing my drink and she’s hanging out with some friends of hers inside. I send her a text that said something like if I offended you somehow, I’m sorry. I just want to get to know you better and instead of her taking an evening off, I would just take a day off from work and we could grab lunch or something. There was more to it that just that, but that was the basics. I hit send. And wait. Still waiting. Don’t hear a word from her that night or the next day. So, Monday after work I go in for a drink, I know she’s not going to be in until later, so I figure I’ll have a drink or two then head home.

I’m kind of stewing a little at this point. She comes in, and sits at the bar beside me. We chat and then asks the bartender if she had left her phone there last night. She had. She starts reading through the messages she’d missed as she walked to the back of the place to check on something for the bartender.

I’m kind of not sure if I want to be there when she reads my message or not. The old me would have chugged my drink, paid up and left before she got back. Now I’m doing the George Kostanza do the opposite thing. I stay, the bartender asks me if she and I are going out that night. I said I wish, I’ve asked her out several times but I think she’s just blowing me off. Right as she walks up beside me. Perfect timing, right?

She smiles at me, and I decide what the hell, I ask her out for lunch on Thursday, thinking that would give me enough time to clear it at work. She laughs and says, can it be a late lunch, like 3:00? Again, another one of the joys of being interested in someone who’s schedule is out of whack with yours.

I say sure. That works out even better for me, because I won’t have to use up a personal day, I’ll just sneak out early. Tuesday night I have a birthday dinner for one of my buddies, and by the time I get to the bar, she’s already gone. Now, I’m trying to decide what to do and if me going across the street alone is bordering on stalker territory or not. I go, she doesn’t see me when I come in and so I just sit at a table in the back and watch to see how she is when I’m not around. She spots me after about 15 minutes or so, and comes and gets me and takes me back to her table. It was fun, she totally killed me at this golf video game and talked shit the whole time. I loved to see that competitive side come out. My ex-wife would never play a game to win, she just wanted the game to go on forever and would get pissed that I was trying to win. Anyway, same thing as before, the bar closes, we hang out, eventually the knowledge that I have to get up in 3 hours makes me head home.

Thursday comes, I get to her house, she had just gotten out of the shower, and we chatted while she finished getting ready, then we were off to a Mexican restaurant. The date itself was fun. She really opened up about a lot of things that I’d guessed about her. As we left, there was this little stand by the door that sold stickers and temporary tattoos. We tried to get two tattoos, but someone loaded Winnie the Pooh stickers in the wrong slot. After the fourth one, we just gave up and I took her to work. She gave three of the stickers to some of the waitresses and then cut the fourth one in half. She kept Tigger and I got Winnie.

She got cut, we went across the street, stayed til 2:30 again, and then left. So at this point, I’m thinking everything is going ok, she’s interested in me somewhat. Friday, she was kind of moody towards me. When I first got to the bar for happy hour with some coworkers, she was happy to see me, she bought my drinks for me, I left to go home to get some sleep. I came back a few hours later, and she was just completely different towards me.
It was strange, she’d been talking to WingGirl while I was gone, and from what WingGirl gathered, she’d enjoyed Thursday and appreciated that I was willing to work around her schedule. Anyway, she was just strange towards me the rest of the night.

Saturday, WingGirl and I and a few others go back up to watch the Aggie game. She’s pretty cranky when I get there, but she warms up, and by the time the game is over, she’s in a pretty good mood. Then today, it was back to being kind of moody again.

Anyway, that’s the background. Butterfly is a great girl, very pretty, smarter than she realizes, great sense of humor. She’s had a rough life and been mistreated by lots of guys. She’s pretty gun-shy. She asked me several times over the last week if I really wanted to be in her life. I think her normal pattern is to meet someone, go out for a bit, then try to cause it to self-destruct. I told WingGirl that I probably don’t have much a chance with her, but I’m going to try to catch the butterfly. No idea what’s going to happen next, but I thought it might be somewhat dynasty worthy. Who knows, but it'll either be lots of fun or a trainwreck or both.

[Blackadar]

Let us know when you have teh buttsecks

[Young Drachma]

Good luck! Look out for yourself. Don't fall too far down the rabbit hole too soon...

[JonInMiddleGA]

Gonna need a hot/crazy graph plotted on this one I think.

[Cap Ologist]

Re: Blackadar: SportsDigs will have it 2 weeks first, so keep checking there.

Re: Dark Cloud: Trying my best to keep a healthy dose of reality in the situation.

Re: JimGA: Hotness is very high, crazy... don't think I would use crazy to describe her, she's just different from what I'm used to, and once that sunk in and I got to know her better, she hasn't really done anything that is terribly unexpected or unreasonable based on what I do know. Not sure if that makes sense, I'm sure there will be a WTF am I doing with this batshit crazy girl at some point, but so far so good.

[Cap Ologist]

I saw her again tonight for a little bit before she was going to go shopping with a friend. I'd purposely stayed away from the place she works Mon and Tues because as I was typing the first post, I was like, damn, I'm up there way too much and maybe I shouldn't make myself too available. She had been kind of moody the last time I saw her, but today she was back to what I hope is normal for her. Had a really good time today with her, I'm going out of town this weekend, so not sure when I'll see her next. Some friends of mine want to go out tomorrow, so there is an outside chance I'll end up there.

Anyway, still plugging along here. Hopefully, next week will have more updates/news. Thanks for reading.

[DaddyTorgo]

Here's one thing about waitresses/people working in the service industry: Often their moodiness (particularly when you're interacting with them primarily at their job) is very tied in with their work. She might be coming off as "moody" to you because she's had a shit day at work for any of a number of reasons.

If you really want to get to know the real her you definitely need to start spending more time with her outside of hours when she's working.

[sabotai]

Originally Posted by Cap Ologist

I shouldn't make myself too available.

The #1 rule that every guy needs to know.

[Izulde]

Am I the only one who heard

I've been searching for a man, all across Japan
Just to find, to find my samurai
Someone who'll be strong, but still a little shy
Yes I need I need my samurai

Hi-yi-yi I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue like the colors in the sky

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Am I the only one who heard

I've been searching for a man, all across Japan
Just to find, to find my samurai
Someone who'll be strong, but still a little shy
Yes I need I need my samurai

Hi-yi-yi I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue like the colors in the sky

Probably.

[JonInMiddleGA]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

If you really want to get to know the real her you definitely need to start spending more time with her outside of hours when she's working.

Y'know, I never really considered the similarities between dating a waitress & dating a stripper before, but now that you mention it ...

[Pumpy Tudors]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Am I the only one who heard

I've been searching for a man, all across Japan
Just to find, to find my samurai
Someone who'll be strong, but still a little shy
Yes I need I need my samurai

Hi-yi-yi I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue like the colors in the sky

what

[JeeberD]

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out with your ex, Cap, but glad you're back in the saddle.

Man, I'm trying to figure out where all this is taking place, but it's not like FM has a vibrant night life...

[Cap Ologist]

Mini-update: So, Butterfly got fired Thursday for serving a minor who is a friend of hers. Not sure if I mentioned this or not already, but the bar she worked at is owned by one of my friends and his wife. They've had issues with other waitresses recently and so I understand their tolerance is pretty low, especially after they got hit with a 10k fine a few weeks ago. Anyway, was kind of a weird weekend so far. She and I are going out Tuesday, so we'll see how it goes. The only bright side of her getting fired is that it's easier to get our schedules to match. Thanks for reading and for all the advice!

[Izulde]

Glad to hear things are progressing well.

[Cap Ologist]

Well, our Tuesday date got pushed back to Wednesday of last week. Nothing terribly remarkable happened until I was leaving to go home, when she asked me if I wanted to do something Sunday. It took me all of about .5 seconds to say sure. So, we chat off and on throughout the week, and then Sunday comes along.

I pick her up, we go grab dinner and hang out for a bit. Then we go to a bar we hadn't been together before. They've got a pretty nice setup, and it was actually the place I'd been intending to go the night this craziness all started. We grab drinks at the bar, and head back to the pool hall/game room. She's gotten me hooked on this game called Golden Tee and has beaten me every time we've played. I started out strong on the front nine, and then she crushed me on the back nine to win once again. Then we played pool and some other video type games.

We left at midnight, and headed back to my place. This morning, I woke up beside her in bed and thought life is good. So, I did what any sane man would do, and called in sick to work.

[Izulde]

[thealmighty]

Originally Posted by Cap Ologist

So, I did what any sane man would do, and called in sick to work.

Most sane men would have rolled her over and gone after it again.

[Cap Ologist]

Things are still progressing nicely with Butterfly. We're going on a three day trip in a couple of weeks, not sure exactly where yet, but should be lots of fun.

[Izulde]

Awesome. Glad to hear it.

[Cap Ologist]

Been awhile since I've updated, so here's a short recap. The past month and a half has been at times really incredible and really frustrating. The encouraging thing is that we've both been able to be honest about the frustrations and not just ignore them and hope they go away. I love how totally open and honest she is about everything. All in all, it has definitely been what I hoped it would be. The best part for me was a few days ago when we were out one night and she said she didn't understand why I was so good to her and that I was so different from anyone she'd ever known. Hearing her say that definitely made all the frustrations seem very little in comparison. I'm having a blast with a beautiful girl, life is good.

[Izulde]

It's been over a year since last post. How's it going?

[Cap Ologist]

Her demons proved to be too much to put up with. Very sad, she's smart enough to do anything she wanted, but just can't kick her habit.