Track cartman's progress in the "Krispy Kreme Burger" quest

cartman · 03-09-2006, 07:39 PM

Hello all,

I was inspired by the following thread:

http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/...ad.php?t=47856

In it, there is a description of a new burger coming to a minor league stadium. It consists of a burger, two strips of bacon, cheese, and instead of a normal bun, it used Krispy Kreme donuts. I thought this was sheer genius, and I have decided to recreate this myself.

Here is what I have procured to replicate this culinary masterpiece. As you see above, I have 1/3 lb. Angus burger patties, Oscar Meyer thick cut bacon, and a dozen Krispy Kreme original glazed donuts. I am sure I will regret getting a dozen fat pills later, but no time to think about that. As you see, I also have some normal sesame seed hamburger buns, so I can also make a control burger. I have left out the cheese, because simply, I hate cheese. Can't stand the stuff. If I was going to order the burger at the ballpark, I would have gotten it without the cheese.

Since the article didn't mention how the burgers would be cooked, I decided on my favorite way, on the grill. Here's a picture of my grill, and I love the thing. It's huge, and it can cook the hell out of anything. My uncle brought up a whole pig that he shot on his land, and we cooked it whole on the grill. That was some good eatin'.

You can't be too careful when ingesting this much meat and sticky, sugary, fried treats. This is a little something to help the ole' digestive tract along, after I'm done abusing it with this grub.

As I said, you can't be too careful. If the fiber doesn't work it's magic tomorrow, I won't hesitate to call in the big guns. That's a toxic combination I'm introducing to my innards.

So, check back during the evening, as I'll post pics of the burger in progress, and also visually document the finished product.

Wish me luck!

cthomer5000 · 03-09-2006, 07:41 PM

You've got my attention.

SirFozzie · 03-09-2006, 07:42 PM

Yer a feckin loon, you is.

terpkristin · 03-09-2006, 07:43 PM

This is fantastic.
Don't die on us, please!!!

/tk

SackAttack · 03-09-2006, 07:45 PM

cartman is my hero.

I saw this yesterday and wanted to try one, but not badly enough to go MAKE one.

Barkeep49 · 03-09-2006, 07:47 PM

I think this is awesome. Sort of like that 200 dollar sandwhich or whatever it was.

duckman · 03-09-2006, 07:51 PM

I love you.

cartman · 03-09-2006, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terpkristin

This is fantastic.
Don't die on us, please!!!

/tk

Good call, tk!

Here's my blood pressure going into the event. 119/82. A little high, but that is to be expected when the adrenaline is rushing like it is!

hoopsguy · 03-09-2006, 07:56 PM

Funny stuff. Following along.

DeToxRox · 03-09-2006, 07:58 PM

if ever there was a day i gained a new hero, this were it.

Joe · 03-09-2006, 07:59 PM

I don't understand the krispy kreme part. Is the doughnut cut in half and the burger put inside, or is the burger placed in the middle of two doughnuts?

terpkristin · 03-09-2006, 08:00 PM

The first thing you said, GWB.

/tk

cartman · 03-09-2006, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George W Bush

I don't understand the krispy kreme part. Is the doughnut cut in half and the burger put inside, or is the burger placed in the middle of two doughnuts?

You are correct. The article is not clear on this either. My version is going to be a whole donut on top, and another whole donut on the bottom. Better err on the side of caution!

terpkristin · 03-09-2006, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Other Thread

The burger is then placed in between each side of a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut.

I read this to mean that there is only one KK doughnut involved, cut in half...not that it matters, i suppose, either way, the arteries are clogging.

/tk

panerd · 03-09-2006, 08:04 PM

Great thread. I will be following. Though one does have to wonder with the size of that grill why you are using boxed hamburgers in this experiment.

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 08:04 PM

This is freaking awesome! I was going to bed early but I'll stay up just to follow the thread

cartman · 03-09-2006, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by panerd

Though one does have to wonder with the size of that grill why you are using boxed hamburgers in this experiment.

They are 1/3 pound flash frozen Angus burgers from Sam's Club. Not the 1/4 pound ground round usually found in the boxes. I normally get the 1/3 pound sirloin burgers, but they were out the last time I went.

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 08:10 PM

Does anyone have a link to the $200 burger or whatever it was?

cartman · 03-09-2006, 08:11 PM

Hmmm, it smells great cooking!

oliegirl · 03-09-2006, 08:14 PM

I officially nominate this thread for Thread of the Year at next year's Golden Scribe awards...

Barkeep49 · 03-09-2006, 08:20 PM

Wait a sec? A grill that size can't cook bacon? WTF?

kingfc22 · 03-09-2006, 08:22 PM

This thread is awesome. History in the making. Move over Maximum Football.

cartman · 03-09-2006, 08:22 PM

Now, time to assemble the masterpiece!

All that goodness ready to come together!

Here it is, assembled with beef and bacon!

[

As they say in Italy, "Buon Appetito"!

I'll report back on the results, as soon as I am able. The sugar coma followed by burger processing might knock me out for a while.

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 08:23 PM

<----- anxiously awaits...

duckman · 03-09-2006, 08:26 PM

I'm on the edge of my seat.

JonInMiddleGA · 03-09-2006, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by duckman

I'm on the edge of my seat.

Cartman may end up on the edge of a very different seat later himself

Great idea Cartman, bravo.

Young Drachma · 03-09-2006, 08:28 PM

Wow...

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Cartman may end up on the edge of a very different seat later himself

lol

terpkristin · 03-09-2006, 08:29 PM

Can we also get a blood pressure update, please?

/tk

duckman · 03-09-2006, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

Cartman may end up on the edge of a very different seat later himself

Especially after taking those fiber tablets.

DeToxRox · 03-09-2006, 08:34 PM

i'd probably have an EMT on stand by

cartman · 03-09-2006, 08:39 PM

WOW.

Just simply... WOW!

Details to soon follow.

Greyroofoo · 03-09-2006, 08:41 PM

now you're just teasing

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartman

WOW.

Just simply... WOW!

Details to soon follow.

WTF!!?? Details NOW DAMMIT!!!!

EagleFan · 03-09-2006, 08:42 PM

How can anything with a Krispy Kremes donut be worth eating? They are absolutely the worst donuts on the face of the earth.

Good luck with the blood pressure after this one though.

clintl · 03-09-2006, 08:46 PM

For some reason, this reminds me of a thread on another board about euthanizing a fish.

Tigercat · 03-09-2006, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EagleFan

How can anything with a Krispy Kremes donut be worth eating? They are absolutely the worst donuts on the face of the earth.

Good luck with the blood pressure after this one though.

I would be one of the first to argue that Krispy Kremes are overrated, but the worst donuts on the face of the earth? You must eat plenty of good donuts up there to feel comfortable saying that!

Krispy Kreme's, IMO, are above average donuts. Nothing more, nothing less. You can get better at local donut shops, but you can sure get a lot worse all over the place.

Tigercat · 03-09-2006, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartman

Dola, my KK opinion aside, this is the most beautiful sight these eyes have ever seen.

Radii · 03-09-2006, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigercat

Krispy Kreme's, IMO, are above average donuts. Nothing more, nothing less. You can get better at local donut shops, but you can sure get a lot worse all over the place.

Are you serious? Hot Krispy Kremes right off the line are one of the greatest things in the world.

EagleFan · 03-09-2006, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigercat

I would be one of the first to argue that Krispy Kremes are overrated, but the worst donuts on the face of the earth? You must eat plenty of good donuts up there to feel comfortable saying that!

Krispy Kreme's, IMO, are above average donuts. Nothing more, nothing less. You can get better at local donut shops, but you can sure get a lot worse all over the place.

Okay, maybe a little over the top but I get tired of hearing people rave over them when they are not anywhere close to as good as people make them sound.

terpkristin · 03-09-2006, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radii

Are you serious? Hot Krispy Kremes right off the line are one of the greatest things in the world.

Ever since I saw the Sex in the City episode that focused in part on KK's, I have a problem eating them. I still do it every now and then, but that episode definitely gives me more willpower to stay away...

/tk

TazFTW · 03-09-2006, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cartman

Needs BBQ sauce.

And some lettuce, maybe some grilled onions.

Tigercat · 03-09-2006, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Radii

Are you serious? Hot Krispy Kremes right off the line are one of the greatest things in the world.

You can get hot donuts at lots of places, you can find places with better dough consistency than KK, and you can find places with better taste(both to the dough and with the sugary additives).

Not saying they aren't good, but hell I haven't even eaten in THAT many donut places in my life, and I've gotten better donuts quite a few times. I agree with Eaglefan in that regard, they are overrated.

But they are crack, just like any good donut is.

clintl · 03-09-2006, 08:54 PM

These are the worst doughnuts on the face of the earth. I know because the junk food vendor at my former workplace stocked the machines with them.

DeToxRox · 03-09-2006, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clintl

These are the worst doughnuts on the face of the earth. I know because the junk food vendor at my former workplace stocked the machines with them.

Agreed. Totally.

oliegirl · 03-09-2006, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by terpkristin

Ever since I saw the Sex in the City episode that focused in part on KK's, I have a problem eating them. I still do it every now and then, but that episode definitely gives me more willpower to stay away...

/tk

OMG! One of my favorite shows, and that is a great episode!

"I was ALL over his face"

cartman · 03-09-2006, 09:01 PM

As many of you know, I get to travel extensively with my job. A side perk of that is I've gotten to eat some outstanding meals at some of the best restaurants in the world. While I'm not saying that this concoction will get any Michelin stars anytime soon, it was quite simply, one of the richest meals I've ever eaten.

Foie Gras? Doesn't hold a candle to this. And you don't have to force feed any geese to make it either. In fact, this could almost be considered a white trash version of foie gras. It was so incredibly rich, with the sugary donut goodness, and the filling part added with the bacon and angus burger.

The first thing that jumped out at me as how much more the sugar coating melted, with the added heat from the grilled burger and the bacon. It turned the outside into a sticky, slippery mess. I knew right away I was going to need more napkins.

As you can see, just a couple of more bites in, and the napkins were piling up. It was almost like the insides of the donuts were liquid sugar pumps, continually producing more and more of the melted frosting.

Well, if these were sugar pumps, then the casing is rapidly deflating. If the ballpark is going to simply cut a single donut in half, the two sides will quickly become paper thin. In these two photos, I placed a normal donut next to half eaten trailer park gourmet delight, to show how much the donuts compress during the eating process.

Now, on to the standard reference burger. What I noticed right away was how dry it was. You didn't notice that at all with the Krispy Creme burger. I guess the melted sugar helped to keep things moist. So to make the normal burger palatable, I had to add a bit of A1 sauce to the burger. Notice the lack of need for any more napkins.

The aftermath. Of course, the only option for a beverage of a meal of this stature would be a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. The standard burger was a great disappointment compared to the gastronomical treat that was the Krispy Kreme burger. If the ballpark can come up with something remotely similar to this, there will be a lot of happy cardiologists in town.

Now, the all important first health check. Good to see that my BP is pretty much the same as before attempting this dangerous feat. Systolic went up 5 points, not much at all. But my overall health will be something I have to monitor over the next few days.

The next big milestone will be to see what happens after my first cups of coffee tomorrow morning. I hope I don't have to go to the second option...

Antmeister · 03-09-2006, 09:05 PM

You are one crazy son of a burger! Good job! Bravo!

oliegirl · 03-09-2006, 09:07 PM

So what the hell is the point of a DIET cherry vanilla dr. pepper???? Trying to restrict your sugar intake?

Lorena · 03-09-2006, 09:11 PM

Great job cartman! I salute you

03-09-2006, 07:42 PM	#3
SirFozzie Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: The State of Insanity	Yer a feckin loon, you is. __________________ Check out Foz's New Video Game Site, An 8-bit Mind in an 8GB world! http://an8bitmind.com

03-09-2006, 07:43 PM	#4
terpkristin Grizzled Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ashburn, VA	This is fantastic. Don't die on us, please!!! /tk __________________ GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin

03-09-2006, 08:00 PM	#12
terpkristin Grizzled Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ashburn, VA	The first thing you said, GWB. /tk __________________ GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin

03-09-2006, 08:11 PM	#19
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	Hmmm, it smells great cooking! __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

03-09-2006, 08:22 PM	#22
kingfc22 Head Coach Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Morgan Hill, CA	This thread is awesome. History in the making. Move over Maximum Football. __________________ Fan of SF Giants, 49ers, Sharks, Arsenal

03-09-2006, 07:45 PM	#5
SackAttack Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Green Bay, WI	cartman is my hero. I saw this yesterday and wanted to try one, but not badly enough to go MAKE one.

03-09-2006, 07:47 PM	#6
Barkeep49 Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Not too far away	I think this is awesome. Sort of like that 200 dollar sandwhich or whatever it was.

03-09-2006, 07:56 PM	#9
hoopsguy General Manager Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Chicago	Funny stuff. Following along.

03-09-2006, 07:58 PM	#10
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	if ever there was a day i gained a new hero, this were it.

03-09-2006, 07:59 PM	#11
Joe Pro Starter Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Minneapolis	I don't understand the krispy kreme part. Is the doughnut cut in half and the burger put inside, or is the burger placed in the middle of two doughnuts?

03-09-2006, 08:04 PM	#15
panerd Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: St. Louis	Great thread. I will be following. Though one does have to wonder with the size of that grill why you are using boxed hamburgers in this experiment.

03-09-2006, 08:04 PM	#16
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	This is freaking awesome! I was going to bed early but I'll stay up just to follow the thread

03-09-2006, 08:10 PM	#18
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	Does anyone have a link to the $200 burger or whatever it was?

03-09-2006, 08:20 PM	#21
Barkeep49 Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Not too far away	Wait a sec? A grill that size can't cook bacon? WTF?

03-09-2006, 08:22 PM	#23
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	Now, time to assemble the masterpiece! All that goodness ready to come together! Here it is, assembled with beef and bacon! [ As they say in Italy, "Buon Appetito"! I'll report back on the results, as soon as I am able. The sugar coma followed by burger processing might knock me out for a while. __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

03-09-2006, 08:23 PM	#24
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	<----- anxiously awaits...

03-09-2006, 08:28 PM	#27
Young Drachma Dark Cloud Join Date: Apr 2001	Wow... __________________ Current dynasty: OOTP25 Blitz: RTS meets Moneyball \| OOTP Mod: GM Excel Competitive Balance Tax/Revenue Sharing Calc \| FBCB Mods on Github

03-09-2006, 08:29 PM	#29
terpkristin Grizzled Veteran Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ashburn, VA	Can we also get a blood pressure update, please? /tk __________________ GO TERPS! https://www.flickr.com/photos/terpkristin https://twitter.com/terpkristin

03-09-2006, 08:34 PM	#31
DeToxRox Head Coach Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Michigan	i'd probably have an EMT on stand by

03-09-2006, 08:39 PM	#32
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	WOW. Just simply... WOW! Details to soon follow. __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

03-09-2006, 08:41 PM	#33
Greyroofoo Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Alabama	now you're just teasing

03-09-2006, 08:42 PM	#35
EagleFan Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Mays Landing, NJ USA	How can anything with a Krispy Kremes donut be worth eating? They are absolutely the worst donuts on the face of the earth. Good luck with the blood pressure after this one though.

03-09-2006, 08:46 PM	#36
clintl College Starter Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Davis, CA	For some reason, this reminds me of a thread on another board about euthanizing a fish.

03-09-2006, 08:54 PM	#44
clintl College Starter Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Davis, CA	These are the worst doughnuts on the face of the earth. I know because the junk food vendor at my former workplace stocked the machines with them.

03-09-2006, 09:01 PM	#47
cartman Death Herald Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Le stelle la notte sono grandi e luminose nel cuore profondo del Texas	As many of you know, I get to travel extensively with my job. A side perk of that is I've gotten to eat some outstanding meals at some of the best restaurants in the world. While I'm not saying that this concoction will get any Michelin stars anytime soon, it was quite simply, one of the richest meals I've ever eaten. Foie Gras? Doesn't hold a candle to this. And you don't have to force feed any geese to make it either. In fact, this could almost be considered a white trash version of foie gras. It was so incredibly rich, with the sugary donut goodness, and the filling part added with the bacon and angus burger. The first thing that jumped out at me as how much more the sugar coating melted, with the added heat from the grilled burger and the bacon. It turned the outside into a sticky, slippery mess. I knew right away I was going to need more napkins. As you can see, just a couple of more bites in, and the napkins were piling up. It was almost like the insides of the donuts were liquid sugar pumps, continually producing more and more of the melted frosting. Well, if these were sugar pumps, then the casing is rapidly deflating. If the ballpark is going to simply cut a single donut in half, the two sides will quickly become paper thin. In these two photos, I placed a normal donut next to half eaten trailer park gourmet delight, to show how much the donuts compress during the eating process. Now, on to the standard reference burger. What I noticed right away was how dry it was. You didn't notice that at all with the Krispy Creme burger. I guess the melted sugar helped to keep things moist. So to make the normal burger palatable, I had to add a bit of A1 sauce to the burger. Notice the lack of need for any more napkins. The aftermath. Of course, the only option for a beverage of a meal of this stature would be a Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. The standard burger was a great disappointment compared to the gastronomical treat that was the Krispy Kreme burger. If the ballpark can come up with something remotely similar to this, there will be a lot of happy cardiologists in town. Now, the all important first health check. Good to see that my BP is pretty much the same as before attempting this dangerous feat. Systolic went up 5 points, not much at all. But my overall health will be something I have to monitor over the next few days. The next big milestone will be to see what happens after my first cups of coffee tomorrow morning. I hope I don't have to go to the second option... __________________ Thinkin' of a master plan 'Cuz ain't nuthin' but sweat inside my hand So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent So I dig deeper but still comin' up with lint

03-09-2006, 09:05 PM	#48
Antmeister Pro Starter Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: At the corner of Beat Street and Electric Avenue	You are one crazy son of a burger! Good job! Bravo! __________________ "I'm ready to bury the hatchet, but don't fuck with me" - Schmidty "Box me once, shame on Skydog. Box me twice. Shame on me. Box me 3 times, just fucking ban my ass...." - stevew

03-09-2006, 09:11 PM	#50
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	Great job cartman! I salute you

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