Fox's Finish February....and beyond

[CrimsonFox]

Fox's Finishing February
Following Fozzie's Fantastic foray forte-ing finishing four fungames, Fox fancies finally finishing festering favorites forever! (FFS)


Translation....I have been inspired video game guru SirFozzie, nay put on a crusade to finish titles once and for all that have long sat in my steam library. And not only will I join his quest to finish 4 old games in February I'll continue the story onward.

This is a story of love gone bad. Feelings hurt. A life unfinished and gone rotten.


These are the games...and this is their story...

*clack clack*

[CrimsonFox]

There's a game!

MUST GET IT!




To those of you confused by the preceding message and...EVERYTHING that follows, this is a blog. Think of it that way.
Fozzie came up with (or stole) a challenge and that was to finish 4 old games in your computer game/steam library during the month of February and invited others to do so. I took up the challenge and decided to blog my plays of games.
Rules:
1. I will not play only one game through. I will jump from game to game.
2. I will blog-stream-of-consciousness my play sessions. Some more than others.
3. Being a blog, sometimes random thoughts and pictures will emerge.
4. I may, will, can put pictures of the actual gameplay of said games when I have time.
5. When I finish something I will put it in this post.
6. I will try to colorcode games I post about since I will be switching from game to game.
7. Something something dark side, something something comple-te
8. For certain games, I will tell a story of my journey through the game from the perspective of the character going through it. Some games won't work for this obviously.
9. Push this button to escape

10. When selecting games, I will first tell the story of how I started playing the game, how much I put into it already , and why I didn't finish it?
11.




Games complete:

Batman Arkham Asylum

[CrimsonFox]

Our story begins over a year ago, when my trusty rusty laptop that has been all over the country with me curled up in a little ball overnight and closed its eyes like Fry's dog for one final time.



Aside from losing tons of vacation pictures and many shots of people that are no longer with me, I also lost a lot of game work across my whole library.

It also forced me to go a-hunting for a new computer faster than a singing frog courting a mouse. After weeks of deliberating I finalized on a little desktop I found at Costco that had quite a bit of power. Yes I know what you're thinking. But that little voice inside me just wouldn't go away. And since it is a known fact that I'm certifiably crazy for having little voices inside my head, I bought it. An ACER (gag) ATC-120-UC22.

With an a10 in it. That kinda sold it to me. An AMD a10 for 400 dollah. not bad. I didn't want a desktop but kinda got tired of my laptop overheating. And yes I actually had to keep a fan ON the laptop whenever I played a game, otherwise it would overheat and turn itself off midgame. (whimper)



But now I had a DESKTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (top...top...top...)

Problem...it had but 4 GB on it and was running *gag* WINDOWS 8!

So yeah...it was limited in what it could play.

One of my favorite titles, Unreal...was not working....very stuttery and unplayable. Batman Arkham Asylum, unplayable....

It DID manage to play new MMO Star Wars The Old Republic (well, three years old, new) but in highly congested areas it also had its problems...

So during the black Friday sales (yes I waited that long cause I'm lazy), I bought an 8GB upgrade kit...and that sat idly by doing nothing while I tried to figure out what was wrong with my sound systems and would I need to take it in to fix that. Thankfully it ended up just being a bad speaker cable and the sound card itself was working fine. That just meant getting new speakers, etc. They were old and I got them as a handmedown.

So I bought a very cheap and very great set of Creative speakers. Perfect. It worked and I didn't have to move the computer around with my foot anymore just to keep the sound from cutting out. (I actually had to tilt the thing at a 45 degree angle and hold it there at times.)



So now I was rocking and rolling.

2 full months later I finally decide to try and install the memory.
And...it doesn't work. Not only that it doesn't fit.

"It'll work," they said.
"No problem" they said, "it's exactly what you want. Trust me!"

Well it didn't totally fit. I had to shove it in a little and finally got it in the slots. I turned on my computer and was treated to beeps and a huge frowny face.

No joke, Windows 8 ACTUALLY gives you a frownie face when it won't turn on properly just like Idiocracy.

Luckily it did no damage but it also meant I would have to research things more.

Now I admit it, I am not a hardware expert. I am not even a hardware intermediate. I am not that good with my hands. (Joke missing)

But I finally do come research from crucial.com (the manufacturer's of the memory) and find that this particular stick set was incompatible with my computer. So I rush it back (albeit 2 months later) to the computer store and tell them this and they try and tell me and sell me stories that they can't exchange it blahblahblah. So I throw fits and talk to managers and talk to salesclerks and give them twinkies and Mr Pibb (geeks like those I hear) and finally they exchange it after I offer to pay even more for the memory that is actually compatible. I also do a little more research on how to install the stuff.

Another day later I finally install it correctly, this time pushing all the way down causing the endclamps to fasten. The previous sticks were simply not doing this though. Just seemed just a TAD too big overall even though I was even told by the clerks that "it SHOULD have worked". (And they should have pointed the crucial website to me to begin with since they say they use it all the time).

Anyway making a long story short (too late), after swapping out
the memory 3 different times and posting my questions how to do so on the acer site, the crucial site AND a tech site (which was the best) I finally determine how to install things right.

Because even after I installed it correctly it was STILL only reading 4 GB.
Removing the old memory got me to 8 GB. Another swap and my computer angerly beeped at me again. Eureka I found DIMM 1 (and longing for some Dimsum) So just guessing something that shouldn't have worked (according to...wel, EVERYBODY) I found the magic formula of CRUCIAL, CRUCIAL, KINGSTON, EMPTY.....12 GB 12 GLORIOUS GIGABYTES and AWAY WE GO..................................

[CrimsonFox]

GAME ONE: Batman: ARKHAM ASYLUM

The Background: Why I liked this game
Being a massive THief: The Dark Project Fan I was totally inspired by and immersed in this fantastic world. If Garrett had really buffed out and used all of Prince Bafford's money to buy himself a fancier grappling hook, some Karate lessons, some freeweights, and an even cooler costume, he could have been this game.

Totally in the genius world of Eidos and a proud descendant. And it helped satisfy my OCD need to collect things...COLLECT ALL THE THINGS!




Fox, why haven't you finished this game yet?
Batman died with my computer...I was almost to the end of the game when it died. So I would have to start over. No worries I got this.

Well after installing it I found that the nice (lovely, fabulous, sensational) people of steam actually cloudsave most of your games and progress. WOOHOO!!!! So there I am...hooray...back at...

FUCK....

Back at that dreadful boss battle with two titans. I always felt that the boss battles were the worst part of this otherwise beautiful gaming experience. Make that ALL GAMES. Great world great world, great story, great characters, great gameplay, great immersion, I am batman, I have a cool cape, I have powers, I am gaining power...so much POWER...MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!



Then KRUNK! Get slapped down with a minigame that I don't know what to do with. Standard boss battle. figure out all the things you have to do over and over again but what prevents you from actually making progress in doing so is the fact that you will rapidly die before you can figure anything out.



uhhuh...

TO THE INTERNET I GO!!!!!

[CrimsonFox]

WATCH ME FINISH THIS GAME!



Okay...something I am frequently reminded of is that people that are gamers are typically bad teachers. In fact I could probably say that about any person that knows a lot about something. They generally don't know how to explain it properly. So goeth with gamernerds. So while I am reading up on what to do to beat TWO titan henchmen that repeatedly charge into me while about 12 other goons pummel me is that..."Oh yeah this is easy. just beat the thing and ride the one until he hits the other one and knocks out all the little ones..."


Uh....ooooo....kkkkkk?

Mind you this is over a YEAR since I even played the darn thing so I can't even make batman walk without chafing his thighs on his batsuit.



Even these will not help me.

However...I continue my quest and FINALLY find a page that tells me what I have to do...well not really. No page says "Click the Q key repeatedly, then click the left mouse...and then when they charge, click the right mouse, hold it down, hit the left, then pound the space bar multiple times, then left click the bajeezus outta your mouse HOOAH! Then you can ridem cowboy, rinse and repeat.


The mighty bajeezus in its matural habitat.

But it told me enough to then send me back to the control menu to RELEARN THE ENTIRE game. (yeah...I had that coming anyway...RTFM)

BOOM! I finally do things. I"M DOING THINGS I'm CLICKING BUTTONS I GOT THIS!
Oh wait...i died



Even Manny was sad.


I try again....same deal...what's the matter with this...why can't I jump onto the guy like it says. 20 minutes of reading later and ...okay...chea---I mean knowledgable research complete. Just hit him when X happens and you are on. See what I mean about the arbitrariness of boss fights? All you have to do is X and it's simple but we aren't going to let you do X. That's why I don't like them.

So a few more tries and okay....one went down....now I'm on him again and....BOOM......all the little guys down....and....all that's left is to kick him in the...I mean punch him body blow body blow...

And the creep falls.



And that's it....that's all I had to do....It was followed by a LONG movie sequence with Joker where he turns big and comes at me and just do a bunch of things it tells me and it's over.



Game over. Wow....all I had to do was win those two fights and I would be done a year ago?

The universe seems smaller now.



But ho-o-o-o-old on there....



You ain't finished, musky...

It is true...I'm still only 79% finished...So I accept the challenge to continue this quest to find all the other little crap I have to find to end the game...and this means riddler trophies, superpowers, tape recorders, and other story blips. What's my OCD for if not to obsess?

...and be impeccably clean...




To be continued...

[Brian Swartz]

Outstanding work with the pics and captions!

The 'boss battles' thing I like in many games. Arkham Asylum annoyed me though. I never finished it because of Poison Ivy. I would randomly survive longer on some attempts with no idea why, couldn't figure it out, didn't want to cheat by looking for hints, so I just bagged it.

[CrimsonFox]

Oh momma I had forgotten how fantastically cool it is to run full srpint across the compound, click the F key to line grapple, up to a roof, clop across the rooftop like blitzen in a cape, dive freefalling across the hillside while my cape billows in the freeze and then snaps into a glider....soar across the campus then continue running full speed, cape flicking back in the same cool billowy blob behind me.



So I have discovered that the only place I have left is the Penetentiary. There is a riddle in there, a trophy, maybe some clacking teeth (with or without plaque) and a scarab plaque. (AHA! THERE'S THE PLAQUE WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH)



So solve this and then I will see what else.

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Brian Swartz

Outstanding work with the pics and captions!

The 'boss battles' thing I like in many games. Arkham Asylum annoyed me though. I never finished it because of Poison Ivy. I would randomly survive longer on some attempts with no idea why, couldn't figure it out, didn't want to cheat by looking for hints, so I just bagged it.

And now you know why I do not consider looking up hints on a game cheating. The alternative I find far more tragic...that of never playing the game again.

I learned long ago on first person shooter adventure games to not waste too much time looking for "where I am supposed to go next". Bad level design...even on just one level can ruin a game. And totally impede the nice story and vibe going on. Even point and click adventure games and puzzle games I don't mind looking up the occasional hint. Granted I would usually put down a game and pick it up at different times when I'm more fresh. But if I have done this multiple times and still get nowhere....hint city! I'd rather see the cool levels to come then never play it again.

I can't recall the poison ivy fight. Obviously I got through it. I remember the gool movie. Loved Poison's world. Can't remember if I looked up hints. I actually didn't have to do it that often in this game. Just boss fights I think.
I was really annoyed by most of them actually.

[CrimsonFox]

Okay....it seems that ALL of the penetentiary riddles are in one room that behind a forcefield and there are two rentacops standing there staring at computers. Stumped me forever....but....drum roll please....


BAZINGA!
eureka.jpg


...and there it is....


GAME DESTROYED!

GAMES: FINISHED 1/4

[CrimsonFox]

Okay maybe it wasn't as easy as just one thing


but it was as easy as

1...

blovk.png

2...

prom.png

3...

riddler.png

uh...

4...

bif.png

5...? you gotta be kidding me!


mind.png


I'm sorrying, are we BOTHERING you???

riddler.png

wait bats you DID that already COME ON!

smash.png

okay break that thing yeah GET ON WITH IT...

yank.png

okay now you're just showing off...

[CrimsonFox]

ok Batman completed with 84%. The entire story is done and I found all of the things! I am considering that complete. To get 100% you have to do all the challenges which means do ALL of the fight sequences and crap in record time or something which I have no desire to do.

I'll just play the sequels later instead.

Done and done.

[CrimsonFox]

The Second Game: Unreal


Background: Origin Story

The Year Was 1997.

I know that because I still have nightmares about that year. I was on my second job, a job that allowed me to bop around the country on a not that great salary finding myself in totally trendsetter places like...SAINT LOUIS....and ... THE QUAD CITIES...home of THE MALL!

The Quad cities is not cool. The Twin Cities are Minneapolis and St Paul. That place is cool. The QUAD cities are 4 TOWNS stuck together on the border of IOWA and ILLINOIS.

Seriously this place was so amazingly bad, staying at my hotel playing video games was a lot better than actually going out to find something to do.
I called a radio station to answer a contest. I said I was from out of town...the DJ said "WELL WELCOME TO THE QUAD CITIES". I laughed uncontrollably into the phone. I could not help it. I at least did not say "THIS PLACE SUCKS ARE YOU JOKING?" I listened to myself winning the contest. Obviously they edited out my little chuckle. In my head I was busting a gut.
I'm often less funny than I think.


There was one godsend to being there...it had the saviour of the 90's...BEST BUY!



NOW with a Discount Bin!

It was at that very best buy that I purchased a game. Not just any game....a lifestyle choice...a love affair...an intense way of life. That game was UNREAL.


(No seriously that's the title.)

I know what you're thinking and you're right. YOu HAVE heard of it. But you probably know it as the UNREAL ENGINE, which powers many OTHER things you've played before...oh do I mean Unreal TOurnament? The Quake Competitor where you arena fight other bots and people? No I don't mean that. There was a game that was touted as a "Game made by gamers for gamers". A srrawling experience that kicked in the pants any and all graphics of the day. Want a vast beautiful panoramic scene?



Yeah it's got that...want a close up texture shot? Yeah it's got that too. Want intelligent enemies that point to their shield taunting you? Yeah you'd swear they were 14 year olds controlling those things. It had events, intrigue, music, ....music events...yes things triggers just to play music that accompanied you throughout the room affecting the mood.

The plot....You are aboard a prison ship. In a cell...injured...yes a prison in space...

Unreal_(PC)_06.jpg

This looks like my hotel in the quad cities.


Apparently your ship has just crashed into something as you are flung out of bed and your health starts just there...at 11...almost dead...and by the sounds of the screams you hear and the chaos of the electronic warden, things are not very good outside your cell. But at least the forcefield is down. YOu wander around seeing ...um...blood and body parts of your comrades, electrocute some schmuck on accident... climb through the ventelation shaft and shimmy your way around explosions to find the bridge...and there you learn the truth...that the ship was pulled onto some planet by a tractor beam.


Tractor Beam...Oh Please! That's First Year stuff!

[CrimsonFox]

So Fox, Why Haven't You Finished IT?!?

Well since that fateful day in 1997, I have played that game about every few years...and every time I get just a little bit closer to the end...

No joke this game is huge.
And the level design is just impeccable. You become so immersed in this game...and really there no other people to talk to...except a bunch of bunnies and some Nali Priests that try to help you in another language.



Sorry...I don't speak OOOHHHHHHMMMM!!!

I played it on my emachines computer that I negotiated out of my boss. I played it on the computer before it. I played it on my work laptop. I played it at Safeco on the desktop there...I think I have really played it on every computer I've ever owned.

But that's just it...This game always outlasts my computers. That's right...either the computer dies before I continue far enough or I lose access to those computers. And every time I start it again I start at the beginning.

And the thing is I don't mind starting over each time...I mean then I can visit the monk's monastery again...
Then I can see that amazing first event...
Then I can pet the little bunnies...


And then I can accidently step on and kill one of these cute widdle guys and shout at my computer "SORRY! OH NO! I'm SORRY! OH MY GOD BUNNY!!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then I can watch the 50 foot titan battle 3 firebreathing floating gasbags in a 1000 foot long trench that blocks my path to a Russian spaceship. Oh man it is the best thing ever...

[CrimsonFox]

Fox, are you going to start over yet again?

But still, even though I'd gladly ride the spaceelevator up to the mother ship over and over again...I really should solve this thing.

And then I could play the sequels and such.

So the catch is...I have no save game. There is no cloud info for this game. It's so old a game you could probably fit the whole thing on one DVD-R. Maybe even a CD-R (yes I bought those)
The cloud will not even accept this game.


Your computer so old, it wears vacuum tubes!

However there is ANOTHER WAY!!!!


I can cheat...literally...there is a console and cheat codes...so I can teleport myself to the game level I wantand give myself all the weapons I would normally have at that point...which is all of them I'm pretty sure (there are only like 10 anyway...

SO LET'S DO IT!!!!

[CrimsonFox]

WATCH FOX BEAT THIS GAME!@!!!!

Okay I have figured out that I know I've been to Dada Pass, butnot sureif I've beaten it but I definitely don't remember the cellars or Serpent's Pass so I will start this game at Dasa Pass.

A warehouse of sorts patrolled by 3 Skaarj Gunners (These are the nasty mean alien race that has enslaved this poor planet. ) And I actually had the idea that I really didn't need to summon any extra guns and just find more from dead skaarj...but....I don't think I'll be able to do this level with my tiny gun. I think I will start with the flak cannon and nothing else. (that is my FAVORITE weapon.

Perhaps a shot gun too. When you fire a shotgun it is great. It takes their head clean off and as they fall their hands grope the area where there head once was. Kinda funny


So gonna start with shotgun and flak cannon and update my starting dispersion pistol (the energy weapon you start with) to level 3...(which it would be by now)



Okay, guys, I KNOW you aren't in here just to look for lost arks! Come on out!

[JAG]

I stayed for the Glass Joe knockout pictures.

[CrimsonFox]

Dear Diary,

I'll never get off this ******* planet. I keep going...and going and going.

I ventured into a warehouse. Who knows what's in these crates and boxes. they smell awful and I can't seem to break into them.

I didn't have much time to look around when I saw a Skaarj ahead of me. THis one looked tougher than the rest. Luckily I managed to find another Flak Cannon and some Dispersion Pistol Power ups. I dropped all my weapons in the canyon getting up here.

These guys are a lot fiercer than the typical ones. BUt they all turn into salami just as easy with one flick of my trigger finger. Uh oh, they have friends coming...



Ow! Crud....How do you fire this...ugh the safety is on...

I died...

and died...

and died...


ugh uh oh teleporter. I'm back in the prison ship! NO THIS CAN"T BE!@!!!

Ugh I died falling off the top level and got hit by the ceiling. how embarrassing.

sad. There's that guy I killed accidently in the electrocution chamber . I wonder what his name was. Goodbye Fryguy. I'll never forget you.

Oh I'm back. Whoa what a trip.

Okay those skaarj finally went down although I hear another creepoing around. At last! Some ammo! man...just a bunch of bullets. Ah well. Ammo is ammo. And oo nice secret stash! A shield belt! Now I can survive a little longer.

Okay...let's just flick this switch and get that door open! Great...Ah! Krull!

I always liked their speech. So interesting. I wish I could study them more. As a special they are very powerful and tough and sure of themselves. Very stalwart and loyal. Why they are working for the bloodthirsty skaarj I'll never know. Man this drawbridge doesn't look so good. Kind of rickety. Aha a journal...Krall bridge foreman complaining about having to keep fixing it in the rain hahaha! Oh man...I feel for you buddy. SOrry I just killed you.

Let's see now...Ahhh divebombing birds. okay died again but I'm back. Okay
a haiku
I shot a bird from the sky.
The end.
Maybe the krall can teach me how to haiku.

Darn why won't this door open?!?

Must sleep. Oh there is a passage...looks like a bridgehouse part of the castle...Okay! There we....what's that? AHHHHHH!!!!

SHOOT SHOOT SHOOTT!

Oh...sorry to interrupt your snacks and destory your chairs guys. And uh...man krall guards shooting me through the window. Lots of side pasasges...Okay fun chase scene. Oh more poetry books? NO more journals...dang I really could get to like these guys. THey complain about work just like we do.


Okay I've been looking around this place for awhile now and I can't *yawn* figure out how to open this door.

I'll just sit down in this corner in a chair and rest....zzzz.....

(pics coming)

[CrimsonFox]

Thank you Sir Fozzie for the inspiration and push to do this.

[SirFozzie]

Very glad to have inspired someone to do this!

Now *I* need to get back on the twitch streams

[CrimsonFox]

Man does not live on one game alone. So I'll be jumping around as the wind takes me....


I have no home...I'm the wind

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...because that's how I roll




Tonight I played...The Bridge....



No Fu BJ! Not you!

I mean that funky mix of MC Escher and puzzle games. Obviously a direct descendant (or ripoff if you prefer) of Braid.

It yes contains the wind back the time feature. It contains two things Braid does not...
1 a vortex to get yourself and others sucked into. YOu cannot get out of the vortex....EVER....UNLESS you make something else turn OFF the vortex...while inside of it....(dundundunnnnnnn)

And
2

The mad ball...


only the madball kills you when you hit it...or he hits you...because that's how HE rolls



yeah...see that guy?

F*** THAT GUY!

I beat 2-6 finally! Yeah that picture above...THAT is 2-6

and then 3-1 inversion was pretty easy. That's enough for now.
Don't want to escher all at once. Then I won't have any left for the weekend.

[CrimsonFox]

oh yeah:

Background:

I first saw the Bridge this past year on Steam. I bought it.

Fox, Why haven't you finished it?

It's one of those MANY many games I have bought in the past X years (where X is an even number divisible by WHO GIVES A ****) and haven't played.

Wait, this is a new game? Are you sure this counts as finishing an OLD game?

I dunno. There are rules?

[CrimsonFox]

Another night of The Bridge and we're cruising along...

Chapter 3 is about inversion.

That's when you go behind a pedestal and hit the up arrow and it can turn a grey man white.



That way he can be nominated for an oscar!

This is important for symmetrical roundish structures. These have obejects which are both white and grey, including keys, doors, madballs, etc.
YOu can only interact with things of your color.



Alright! I get it! We all get it Chris!

So TImepiece was pretty simple and a matter connecting the right key to the right door. (not really spoilering much)

Then the whole game rumbled and shook.




and suddenly i'm thrown onto a crumbled structure with another inversion puzzle called...."Aftermath". Themewise it reminded me of doing the puzzles of Portal 2 on the broken sets.

3-4 has a name too but I don't remember it. After a little trial and error it too fell to the mighty Fox. 3-5 has two different colored madballs.

Neither Llama nor I can deal with it.



Time to kill things.

[CrimsonFox]

Or maybe I'll just fall asleep.

[CrimsonFox]

Game: The Bridge

And that's all of Chapter 3.

First I knocked out The Antique which was a spinner inversion level where you try not let the key fall off into oblivion.

Then A level where you have inverted madballs and of course can only get squashed by one of your color.

And the last was INVERTED KEYS!



No not that kind of keys (and that's kind of creepy)

4 keys, 2 of each color...and 4 inversions to do.

Overall this game is a little bit challenging but easier than portal and Braid.
harder than say Thomas was Alone.

[CrimsonFox]

Game: Unreal


There I am...facing down a horder of Krall on one side a gang of Skaarj on the other. They rip into me. Blow after blow, shredding me apart, yet i do not die. They tear pieces of flesh off me and the pain is excrutiating, let I live on...I see a bird swoop down, beak opoen...It charges and opens widfe aimed for my head and...

I wake up in a cold sweat. Still by the chairs in the corner...

I guess I have to keep going...whatever fears are lingering.

Having searched every nook and cranny in this guardhouse for an exit, I go outside frustrated. Bupkis. I state up at the purple black sky, sun glaring at me and the bird creatures circling. One of them poops...or spits, I'm not sure and it falls into the chasm...I follow it down and....hey! There's a beam leading down and connects all the way up to the side. How did I miss that?

I give a leap and land on it. Whoa! It's kinda thin...I go all the way down to the mountainside and...ugh...nothing...what is this? Now I have to climb back up...

Ugh I don't wanna fall now (well yes I fell a few times...)

What do I do? Oh mighty gods...tell me...Don't look down...don't look down...okay i look down and...hey! there's a ledge...

I leap down and immediately engage with more Krall.

Their tridents hurt in multiple ways. I mean OUCH REALLY HURT!

FInsih that battle and ride an elevator up to click a switch to open a big door down below...the castle gate in fact. Whew...can I make the jump down without hurting myself? It's now or never...uh oh it is closing! I jump and OOF! and run through. Ugh! more krall ouch ouch ouch!

This goes on again and down a hall...AHHH! ran into a brute. These guys have rockets on their arms. kay back I go. I wish I had something more to fight with than bullets and a pistol. At least I found some precious precious fruit. I go down the hall and find a submerged room. I dive down and am immediately bitten by four fish. I blast them and come up for air....sometimes...
and climb up to a platform. Another wheel that spins to open something...the next door.

Beyond this door is an odd site. A Brute kneeling down in front of something. An altar? What's he doing. Hello? AHHHH ROCKETS!

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM! Okay dead brute. This sequence was just door after door after door and the cool thing was...this is where I left off a couple of years ago. This is where things are new.

What's behind the last door?

Um....something bad....very bad.

A titan.
These are a few stories tall and throw rocks at you. If one of them hits you it turns you into a smear. HOwever there are krall in this room too. The cool thing about unreal monsters is that they will fight each other.

And you can make that happen! Yay!
of course....the titan can still kill you too...

check out these post mortem photos. THe monsters still go on attacking and patrolling after you die.

[Alf]

That intrigues me. I haven't been able to understand a single thing so far

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Alf

That intrigues me. I haven't been able to understand a single thing so far

Pictures coming for the last two unreal posts! That makes things more clear.
Other than that not sure what you mean. They take a little time to shrink down and post though. Will get them up.

[CrimsonFox]

SLAMMED BY WORK LATELY (I GUESS IT'S A GOOD THING)...but I had a little moment tonight to play gamez...yay

The Cellars level of Unreal has given me quite a run for my money ...so many doors to open so many krall...

and then...

The Titan Krall fight...imagine if you will...

a 50 story beast....and then also imagine....a bunch of dudes smaller than you that are fast, tough and do lots of damage.

In a small room...



i knew you could...

and that's just it...they DO fight each other. That's the beauty. different monsters WILL fight each other if they meet. They will also turn and fight you. The big guy throws boulders and if one hits you you are a smear. meanwhile wave after wave of raptor I mean krall shoot greenglight bolts (that means GO....take more damage) at you...

so you are avoiding the krall that are charging you and hope you don't accidently run into the titan...who WILL kill you.

Get the krall to damage the titan enough while you are peppering everybody with the shards of my favorite weapon...the flakcannon...it slices it dices, it turns monsters into cold cuts...

it's a hole in a tube that you stuff compressed shards of metal into and then push the trigger...yes...slicendice


FINALLY after 10+ tries I won the fight...then climbed and pressed buttons and jumped and fought more crap and....then back to the cellar halls looking for more ways to open blocked doors.

this level is pretty intense

[CrimsonFox]

stonetitan



krall

[Brian Swartz]

It's like the middle of March now.

I'm just 'sayin ...

[CrimsonFox]

Fine I shall change with the times...

[CrimsonFox]

I have noticed that repeatedly capturing screenshots of my exploits was taking a LONG time...and thus causing me to not want to continue this because I weas spending so much time capturing and then editing down the size and then uploading them and then changing them and then captioning them that I hardly played the game.

So Instead I will try just commenting on my exploits and then linking to my steam page where I capture screen shots. So you can see the journey there.


If I have something important I want to show...I'll post individual things perhaps.

So...

[CrimsonFox]

Unreal!

I spent quite a long time...months in fact....in the Cellars at Dasa Pass.

A series of underground tunnels with corners and ramps and lots of locked doors. One by one the doors fell... this granted access to other areas... one of which was a pool over which a superheath, shiny and bright shone in the night with lizards aboot. It also led to a endless stream of Krall which I pictured earlier...

The endless roomfest finally ended.

I carried on.

[CrimsonFox]

This emptied out onto a dock underground...A simple tethered canoe tied to a post...I was weary of such things...but I climbed in.

I sat there not knowing what to do, the canoe sat there too mocking me.

I finally shot the tether with my dispersion pistol and that set the boat in motion... I jumped for joy...which took me out of the boat...which I could not catch making me have to swim the whole way behind it.

I tried this several more times...

IT is a leisurely and eventess ride on a river...sky overhead....birds in fliught...one of the moons shining brightly. mountains everywhere. Ahhhhhhhhh...so peaceful.

This is Serpent Canyon!

It ended at another dock with an unfortunate welcoming committee. A windmill and...no not Don Qioxote...but a Skaarj shooting fireballs. I crept into the mill cautiously. There were a lot of goodies inside. But I could hear a growling somewhere below. It took another door opening to gain access to the stairs and the fight was on. A tough Skaarj gunner on rounding stairway. I got splattered quite a few times.

[CrimsonFox]

Here are my Steam screenshots...however they start from the most recent. YOu can scroll down to live the story...

Steam Community :: sircrimsonfox :: Screenshots

[CrimsonFox]

Next I found it! The great castle itself NALI CASTLE!



This is the castle in the opening of the game! Always packed. Mary and Joseph couldn't get a room here either.


the peaceful nali whose planet this is...

and who are now enslaved to the skaarj...

Their capital.

Totally posh. A giant statue of their god.
Red carpets everywhere

Comfy rooms...with an unwelcome visitor.


Get yer stinkin' hands off my clean sheets, you dirty skaarj!

Dungeons which I could not gain access to until I defeated the great 5 eyed demon. Funny there are signs saying this. Who made these signs?

Anyway I have to find the wizard's tower. Jumping is possible but you can't jump very high. A big level also involving a library with a book stuck out of its shelf. I pushed it and you guessed it the bookshelf swiveled like YOung Frankenstein...

I jumped behind and got goodies, then I I'm trapped back there and I hear something...the bookcase swivels again and 2 mercenaries are there for the ride and attack! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tricksy!

I also play around with smashing myself in the bookcase Gene Wilder style. PUT ZE CANDLE BACK!

[CrimsonFox]

Here is Nali Castle...
Unreal Walkthrough: Mission 28. Nali Castle - Planet Unreal

yay!

It takes me quite awhile to find my way around...there are side rooms with enemies...there are also parapets which lead to nowhere...and a hanging cart which doesn't move...

FInally I round a large stair to the tower...and inside is a giant gasbagh. It breathes fire in a shiny room that looks like Beauty and the beast were dancing in it but stopped because this big blob with a mouth et them all up. THe floor is shiny too.

Beast ate Beauty...Oh No!

He was actually quite easy. Movemovemove blastblastblast. *whump*

This grants me access to the dungeon level where poor nali are in dungeon jails guarded by a skaarj on one side and a mercenary on the other. One of the Nali waves at me when I free him. This means follow him. I follow him up and up and up and up to the hanging cart! He takes off without me #@%^*(&@#^(*&#@^(*&#^$!!!!

I restart and beat him this time. This takes me to more ramps to climb....and a wide open field beside the mountain with a stiff drop on the other...

As my friend and I walk across the field...a spaceship comes out of nowhere and STRAFES US! F***ING STRAFES US! My friend is blown to bits and I fall to down into the water...where I can't find another way in so I restart...man...


Strafing is the New Black...

I try it a few more times and realize there is no way to destroy the ship. And your friend dies period. Lame. At the end of the field is a little open barn with 2 cows and barrels. Inside are Nali fruit seeds. Not an amazing prize but I realize I'll need them for later.

I head back down down down past the dungeons and to my big battle....lava on both sides I know I'm in a world of pain...

[CrimsonFox]

oh yeah the second to last picture in that previous link is a torture chamber with a nali inside a guillotine. Once you enter, a skaarj decapitates him. It might let you do it too...there is no way to save him.


2 Points!

There are various nali on crosses and hanging from things through the gave. Those still breathing I envision myself freeing them and directing them to the safest refuge with a gun and ammo. For the deceased I say a prayer and bless them sending them onto the next life.

It makes the pain of "no way to save anybody" go away. There are also times where I put them out of their misery.

[CrimsonFox]

The next area I find myself in an immense volcanic cavern. Lava everywhere, a raised pathway leads up to a large winged creature of black, cannon on his arm....er...no...cannon AS his arm. red red red all around.

The Demonlord's Lair!

Unreal Walkthrough: Mission 29. Demonlord's Lair - Planet Unreal

Very scary dude. Took me about 10 tries.



Mommy!

He flies. YOu can fall down to either side and fight there. There is one thruway under the raised path. It became a matter of shooting and dodging, shooting and dodging...then he chases you so I run thru to the other side while he flaps and prances....let him get close to you and you are dead.

Very scary and creepy fights. He laughs at you when you miss.

[CrimsonFox]

This also epitomizes this game really...there are parts that literally stop you in your tracks. Make you wallow in misery for months, even give it up.

Then you get past it and you soar through the next 5 sections....such is what I have done. THose Cellars were a beast...I also now have attached it in memory to some rather horrible things I went through while playing it.

Nali Castle also took awhile....lots of nooks and crannies

[CrimsonFox]

Nifty...I can hotlink straight to individual steam pictures...Now All I need is to be able to reduce the size and I'm in business...

Anyone know how to do that?

[CrimsonFox]

Well I'm not sure there is a way for this site to shrink down pictures you link to so I'll just go with this for now. It's not THAT much bigger than normal screen size, at least for me it isn't. If you shrink the screen down a couple steps it's actually perfect. So I'll keep doing this for expediency and progress. Much easier just to pick out photos from my gallery and plunk them here than uber processing them all.

Okay, let us continue...

[CrimsonFox]

Time for the elevator ride of doom....well it's actually kinda neat...

It dumps me in a storage room with glowing sludge barrels and fire barels that you can shoot and they explode. It's dark (and I'm wearing sunglasses)

Yikes.

Stuff everywhere....Skaarj and Spiders....those spiders make sick scary creepy noises.

Even when they die...



One creepy crawly thing dying...AH! AH! AH!

[CrimsonFox]

I slink down to the basement to visit The Alamo.....and twiddle the power cabubulator...



Power Cabubulator Twiddled!

I go upstairs and guess what...there's a welcoming committee...and all my friends are there waiting to blow me the hell up!



I see London, I see France...I see Maurice (wwwwwheeeeeeeek Wheeeeeeeeoooooooooooo) about to die!

[CrimsonFox]

I next take this super funky lightbeam elevator up another vertical shaft (Damn right)


This takes me into the Mothership Lab! Where it seems the entire ship is now alerted to my prescence and shoots presents at me...

There are these cool machinery things that open up and suddenly they are vidscreens showing various charts and pictures.

I spy (with my little eye) various Skaarj officers standing with their back to me reading these screens...and I proceed to Double-Flakcannon them into sausages!



Lt. QWKX'x'x'z decided to work late in hopes of getting that promotion. Little did he know...

The Flak Cannon is my favorite weapon. It is a big yellow gun with a square barrel shape. And you basically load concentrated shards of metal into it. When you pull the trigger these shards explode out in all directions and slice things into cold cuts. So next time you are in subway you might want to think again before having that Italian BMT.



You've been promoted to Jarrod's meat

[CrimsonFox]

There are many many rooms with viewscreens and guards and "scientists" aboot.

And I also find where they emprison the test subjects. Skaarj, dice-playing mercenaries, a room full of blobs.....Spiders....

Oh yeah don't you dare open the roomfull of blobs...

They are acidic and will chase you all over the freaking ship. It also happens to be the one forcefield that you can destroy, letting them escape their cell.



Run, Don't Walk...as the blobs chase you

They are pretty much impossible to hit as I've seen. Maybe they are immune to most weaponry. But they just keep coming after you.



The spider room is a trap too. You see one of your prisonship comrades sitting against the wall in the far corner. These people are littered about the whole adventure and indications that other people from the prisonship escaped the ship and forged ahead before you.

And these deadmates usually have equipment you can collect and often you can read messages they kept in their diaries. like "I think I'm going to die here". In this case it is a total trap. There is nothing besides the body here but if you go all the way over there to find out, spiders immediately start jumping out of holes in the wall.

Spiders aren't hard to kill....but they move in jumpy motions and if they get close enough they lunge at you and bite. If they do that enough times, you are toast.
So you have to RUN AWAY! RUNAWAY!

Two interesting things about this level...I've unlocked these wormhole doors and going through them....well....look at this!:



GO INTO THE LIGHT!



This dumps you in another part of the ship. I guess that's how BIG this place is that they need wormholes to get around...



Captain We Have Warp Core Wormholes And There's NOthing I can Do About It!

[CrimsonFox]

The OTHER interested area is a room where a Genetics experiment is going on. A Skaarj scientist is summoning/building/creating....a super duper orange flaming Skaarj who looks FABULOUS!



He clashes with everything!

Oh yeah, see the guy on the left? THe scientist? Notice anything missing about him? No not his wristwatch. His freaking head!! That is the second favorite gun in the game. The shotgun. And it's got a great sniper type zoom. If you headshot things just right, their head falls off. And their bodies don't realize it at first...So Wile E Coyote style they grope around midair for where their heads used to be...and then fall over.

OH man it's funny.

The orangeguy fight was pretty tough. I shotgunned and rockettted him to death. He took a lot of ammo but I kept moving.


I'm actually getting close to the end of the game! Woohoo!!!
I'll leave you with this!



Darn...I left my head in my other pants!

[CrimsonFox]

I finally find the right hallways and triggers to allow me into this vertical shart room. It glows green like the hallways, the green lights unjulating down the whole shaft. (damn right)



There is a bridge to the center....which I gleefully take. THe motorized pillar in the centar revolves and lowers. This makes me very cautious. I look about and below me is an open hatchway with clouds moving beneath.



I feel like I've just screamed NOOOOOOOOOO at my father who has just cut off my hand. I actually try jumping onto the door and die immediately. Oops. I'm such a Luke.


Even the force is no match for instant death clouds...

I try again and after about 10 minutes of embarrassing searching...oh there's the bridge there to another door...and it takes me to....ANOTHER LEVEL! WOOHOO!!!! Goodbye Lab!
Hello Mothership Core!

Where the entire ship now knows that I'm here and wants me dead...I'm immediately in a hallway with two palookas.


That's right. I'm not your friend palooka.

They are pushovers. I shook em up. Pushovers. I went out for In and out burgers afterwards.

****ing amateurs!

I find that I'm in a series of ramps and hallways surrounding a large room. Around every turn is another monster...a skaarj trooper here, a mercenary there...all armed to the nines and badass beyond belief. It is a glorious challenge befitting a warrior such as I.

[CrimsonFox]

And then there are those times when a level is so big and so difficult that every time you pick it up, it kills you and makes you want to not play anymore. Well I finally broke through that wall.

The Mothership Core Level is MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again winding corridors with lots of doors. Another central atrium that the path winds through allowing Skaarj gunners and assassins and superjuicedconseco skaarjs to snipe me from afar or even jump the gap across to my level to slice and dice.

The other thing is this blog. Sometimes the blog is much more work than i want to put in and keeps me from getting levels done. But luckily here is the level for you...

Someone who obviously knows the level and did it much cleaner and quicker than I.
And yes you can TELL they know the level backward and forward due to the fact that they shoot at badguys before they are even on the screen.

But yeah 2 badguys in every new room. Plus it seems some extras wander.



For a more accurate depiction of me playing, pretend that each room kicks my ass. Especially the big room with two guys popping behind the columns. Also the green elevator up...that was a fun fight...there was a "sleeping" skaarj at the top. ANd shoots the hell out of you. Jupming down the elevator is good and he slowly follows you. I shot him all the way down his rtide...then he landed and sliced the hell out of my clothes.

[CrimsonFox]

A highlight from my journey...

See this? This thing here?
The green glowy lines underneath the bridge I'm on?