early mid-life crisis

[wbonnell]

I have slowly come to realization that I am not a wordly person. In fact, I have focused most of my adult life (10 years or so of it) on a narrow (though deep) field of study, computer science/software engineering. I received a BS in computer science, accrued 12 graduate hours in software engineering, and built software for a living over the last 6-7 years. I can tell you all about look aheard left recursive compilers, non deterministic finite state automata, np-completeness, polymorphism, liskov substitution principle, cyclomatic complexity, failure detection, etc.

I live the American dream- I have a solid (on the surface) education, well paying job, nice house, two cars, and a big screen TV. I have video games and DVDs. And I have books though most of them are of the technical variety.

What I don't have is an appreciation of the world, of humanity. I know little about other peoples' religion, culture, or history. I've read precious little Shakespeare and then only what I've had to. I know little of the great philosophers- Kant, Descartes, Aquinas, Aristotle, Plato, Shopenhauer- even less about the great scientific works of Newton, Einstein, Euclid, Darwin. I speak one language (though I can program computers in a half a dozen!). I take information from my political leaders at face value. I agree to a war in a far off land I've never been even though I know little of its history and less of its people.

And, you know what? It appears that my pathetic knowledge base is more complete than most people I encounter. When I pose questions of deeper import, I get bemused or weary looks at best and scornful looks more often. Most people I talk to (once again most of whom would be considered "affluent") are much more concerned with the latest reality tv show, sports team, or pop culture band. Don't these people ponder the meaning of life? Aren't they curious of other cultures? Or are they too busy with their distractions?

I was a naive, isolated child, and, consequently, didn't become "aware" until some time after college. I grew up with Christian parents who had little if any real exposure to other cultures and religions. In fact, when I say culture, I even mean different American cultures. After all, I went to a parochial Catholic school that was nearly 100% caucasian. My world was simple until college, where I was exposed to many different kinds of people.

Even then, it was only a peripheral awareness. My focus in college was computer science and because the degree is so demanding I had little time left over for electives. As such, I graduated with a fairly deep knowledge of how to build software, but my knowledge of the world was surface deep.

So, I have decided to rectify this intellectual callowness. My strategy is twofold:
-Change my status at UTexas from a graduate to an undergrad student majoring in philosophy. This will require not only 27 hours of philisophy, but 12 hours in a minor (in my case, Religious Studies) and 2 years of a foriegn language (in my case, German). While there are a few classes that can be taken in the evening, the bulk of them will have to be at a lunch hour which will undoubtably prove challenging. Nonetheless, I am starting with a 3 hour course this summer and 6 hours in the fall.

-Read as many great books as possible (given a family, full-time job, and part-time academics). To this end, I purchased a used collection of Britannica's Great Books of the Western World.

Is there anyone struggling with these same issues? Is this merely a mid-life crisis that need only be endured for a short period of time?

Finally, is any one interested in embarking with me on a journey through these great books? The first book of the collection outlines a 10 year (!) reading plan. The pace would likely be appropriate for a long term book club. I know the FOFC book club failed miserably after only two books last time. But this time, I think the subject matter is much more profound, and the group need not be very large. Interest?

[KWhit]

What is the first book in the series?

[wbonnell]

Chronologically? Homer's "The Illiad"

According to the reading plan? Plato's "Apology"

[oykib]

Those kinds of books aren't as interesting when you read them by yourself. It might be good for you to find or start a book club.

[wbonnell]

That's why I'm looking here.

Still, I don't know if what you say is entirely true though it might be true of some of them (I don't know, haven't read 'em) . My 8 year old son and I are reading Homer's "The Odyssey" together, and even though it is challenging for him, we are both enjoying the story.

[Draft Dodger]

can't you just buy a convertible or something like normal people having mid-life crisis's do?

[Draft Dodger]

crisees?

[Draft Dodger]

crisi?

[wbonnell]

Originally posted by Draft Dodger
can't you just buy a convertible or something like normal people having mid-life crisis's do?

LOL. Of course, then we're talking about another material thing. Like they say, the best cure for a hangover is another drink...

[KWhit]

I would be interested, but I don't know that I have the time.

I'm going through something similar. I went to a performing arts college, and did some semi-professional theatre and commercials. Out of the blue I got a job offer with a good salary in an IT shop (weird story, don't ask).

So it's 8 years later and I just got laid off last month. I realize that I don't enjoy my career but I have to make a house payment so I'm semi stuck.

I realized that one of the reasons I feel so unfulfilled is that I have pretty much turned my back on my artistic side. So I got together with an old group of friends and am planning on being in a musical here in town. Nothing fancy, just community theatre for now. Baby steps. But it will help.

Of course, I'm still looking for a job but I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. And I'm 31. Oh well. Maybe I'll figure it out and get a job before I starve.

[CamEdwards]

I'll try and follow the reading with you. I find that speaking in sound bites has really dulled me to having long drawn out intellectual conversations. It'd be nice to challenge myself.

KWhit, I know what you mean about feeding your inner artist. I play music (no cd to pimp, however), but my partner is moving to Japan in September so I'll be without that creative outlet for the first time in 13 years. I'm thinking about writing a book, but I don't know that I have the patience for it.

[Calis]

Strange you should post this, as I was actually considering posting something along the same lines. I guess mine would be an uber-early mid life crisis though, as I'm pretty frigging young. Anyway, I joined the Air Force as a Computer Programmer, as that was pretty much set in stone as what I wanted to do for my life. How silly was that? Two and a half years later, I can barely stand to go into work anymore, I despise my job, and I'm beginning to hate even being on a computer because of it. I think I realized I like computers too much to work on them.

Anyhow, that's not really the point. I guess the point comes in, that I really haven't enjoyed my time here, I'd say I hated it. It's strange because I don't work with anyone near my age group really, almost everyone is 10+ years older, so all in all I've actually spent quite a bit of time by myself. Which at first I thought was a bad thing, but now I think it's one of the best things that ever happened to me. I've spent a lot of time recently reflecting on myself as a person, and I've also got the reading bug, but my reading has been focused towards Buddhist Philosophy mostly, and I've been reading through Thich Nhat Hanh's work as of late. I just love it, it's strange, I was never a religious person growing up, I never "got" it. I think I'm starting to get it now.

So I think that's a great idea, and I think something like that to focus on, and something that will benefit you as a person is the way to go. That's basically what I've turned to, anytime I get pissed off or annoyed now, I just read/study...and I end up feeling better than even before I got mad.

Anyhow, I'm not sure I'd have the time to get into this also at least right now, there's too much I want to read, that and the fact what I want to read is all Eastern not Western.

Best of luck to you though.

[wbonnell]

Originally posted by Calis
Anyway, I joined the Air Force as a Computer Programmer, as that was pretty much set in stone as what I wanted to do for my life. How silly was that? Two and a half years later, I can barely stand to go into work anymore, I despise my job, and I'm beginning to hate even being on a computer because of it. I think I realized I like computers too much to work on them.

3C052. Been there, done that. :-)

[stkelly52]

Interestingly, I recently took a counciling class where we talked about this same kind of early mid life crisis. There is actually a name for it called the quarter life crisis. a good book aobut it is Quarterlife Crisis: the Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties by Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner (Tarcher/Putnam May 2001)

[tucker342]

I would be interested, but I'm a little pressed for time...

[AgPete]

Sell all those worldly belongings and join the Peace Core.

Seriously though, if I were you, instead of paying for another education, I'd spend it on travelling. Travel the world, but really travel. Live cheap, hostels, host families, get to know the culture. I'm not talking staying in a nice hotel. Doh! Nevermind, just realized you have a kid. Oh well, you're tied down I guess. You can read the books on your own or as others suggested, join a book club. I wouldn't spend a new few thousand for a new degree, I doubt you'll even find many people you can relate to in undergrad courses as you've probably already grown out of that age group.

[wbonnell]

Originally posted by AgPete
Sell all those worldly belongings and join the Peace Core.

Seriously though, if I were you, instead of paying for another education, I'd spend it on travelling. Travel the world, but really travel. Live cheap, hostels, host families, get to know the culture. I'm not talking staying in a nice hotel. Doh! Nevermind, just realized you have a kid. Oh well, you're tied down I guess. You can read the books on your own or as others suggested, join a book club. I wouldn't spend a new few thousand for a new degree, I doubt you'll even find many people you can relate to in undergrad courses as you've probably already grown out of that age group.

I'd really like to travel, but having children reduces flexibility.

As for the degree, I have GI Bill funds that I need to use or lose within the next 5 years.

[ctmason]

You're doing a good thing for yourself. I don't see the crisis in all of this.

You have the opportunity to take classes, do it. If I were in your position, I'd probably get another master's degree, and maybe think about changing careers a bit. I'm in the process of doing that now (at 25). I'm certain this won't be the last time I get bored with a line of work and change.

Most men when they approach middle age tend to leave their wife and run off with a younger woman, buy a Corvette, become a religious or health nut, or drink too much. Usually a combination of all of the above.

[albionmoonlight]

3 quick points

1.) Don't devalue what education you do have. My fiancée is getting a PhD in Renaissance literature with a minor focus on religious studies (which sounds almost exactly like what you feel is missing from your life/education) and she sometimes complains that she feels very ignorant when it comes to math/science. Don't feel that just because you spent your time learning computer science and not Shakespeare means that the knowledge that you do have is useless. I really like that you want to expand yourself. Really. But just make sure to pat yourself on the back for what you have already learned.

2.) Don't get so caught up in the "great books" that you neglect to read some of the good literature being put out today. Get a list of recent Nobel and Pulitzer winners and see if there is anything on there that strikes your fancy. It's all about variety and expanding your mind.

3.) You and your child (children?) should read "To Kill a Mockingbird" as soon as possible. Its an engaging read, and it is one of the most amazing, thought provoking books that I have ever read. And it will be a great way to introduce some important issues to your child (children?).

[Franklinnoble]

From one computer geek (admittedly, not as well-educated as you) to another, here's my advice:

I applaud your decision to read more, and expand the diversity of your own knowledge. May I suggest the following:

- For mind-blowing philosophical reading, try "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" by Robert Pirsig. I read this when I was like 20 or 21, and my head almost exploded. Also, consider reading something by Ken Wilber. I recommend "A Theory of Everything," "One Taste," and "Grace and Grit."

- Try on some history, too. I'm partial to Churchill. Read "The Last Lion" by William Manchester - even if you don't like Churchill.

- Don't discount Christianity. I was raised United Methodist, and sent to Catholic elemetary schools, and was disillusioned. When I got older, I took it upon myself to find a spiritual foundation. I read everything from Zen Buddhism to Scientology (ugh- steer clear of THAT one). I started going to a non-denominational Bible-based church with a few friends, and got really comfortable studying the Bible without all the religious bureacracy getting in the way. Just my two cents...

[cuervo72]

Hmm, one thing that I often wish I would do is to read more, specifically the classics. I wouldn't mind reading this collection, but I would need something to force me to do so I'm afraid. Maybe an FOFC book club....

Of course, these collections don't just float around (one is 3 hours from close on eBay and is at $152.50), though I think my brother-in-law has one. I think the list of volumes is this (taken from one of the auctions), for those interested:

The Great Conversation
The Great Ideas I
The Great Ideas II
(4) Homer
(5) Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes;
(6) Herodotus, Thucydides;
(7) Plato
(8) Aristotle I
(9) Aristotle II
(10) Hippocrates, Galen;
(11) Euclid, Archimedes, Apollonius, Nicomachus;
(12) Lucretius, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius;
(13) Virgil
(14) Plutarch
(15) Tacitus
(16) Ptolemy, Copernicus, Kepler;
(17) Plotinus
(18) Augustine
(19) Thomas Aquinas I
(20) Thomas Acuinas II
(21) Dante
(22) Chaucer
(23) Machiavelli, Hobbes;
(24) Rabelias
(25) Montaigne
(26) Shakespeare I
(27) Shakespeare II
(28) Gilber, Galileo, Harvey;
(29) Cervantes
(30) Francis Bacon
(31) Descartes, Spinoza;
(32) Milton
(33) Pascal
(34) Newton, Huygens
(35) Locke, Berkeley, Hume;
(36) Swift, Stern;
(37) Fielding
(38) Montesquieu, Rousseau;
(39) Adam Smith
(40) Gibbon I
(41) Gibbon II
(42) Kant
(43) American State Papers, The Federalist, J.S. Mill;
(44) Boswell
(45) Lavoisier, Fourier, Faraday;
(46) Hegel
(47) Goethe
(48) Melville
(49) Darwin
(50) Marx, Engels
(51) Tolstoy
(52) Dostoevsky
(53) William James
(54) Freud

[Qwikshot]

Well going back to school is good. Since your time is limited. How bout music lessons?!?

Traveling, even to local areas, is nice. I remember taking my girlfriend and daughter to some back creek areas, walking along the stony banks...it was cool.

The fact is, at some point we all reach that "Why are we here" phase of life.

I applaud your motives, but don't spend too much time in the books, there are some great movies out there too.

Of course, you could always become more political in your area...
Of course, you could try out for some plays...
Of course, your area may have some sort of historical society that you may want to be a part of.

The world is a big place, you aren't going to see much of it, but the place you live may have some amazing backstories that you may have never imagined...

You could always do some home project too...gardening...etc...

Good luck to you!

[wbonnell]

Thanks for all of your replies.

Looks like there is little interest in a "Great Books" reading group. Nonetheless, I'm going to create a new topic specifically addressing the formation of the group. Hopefully, I can drum up half a dozen people or so.

[Airhog]

If I only could afford the books

[wbonnell]

Heck- most of the works are freely available online. At the very least, you can definitely find them at you local library.

[Bee]

I couldn't find the movies on Netflix...

[wbonnell]

Just on the off chance that someone cares, I have decided to pursue a Master's degree in Humanities at Cal State, Dominguez Hills. Conveniently- since I live in Texas- the entire program is Distance Learning (DL). I spent a good amount of time researching prospective programs, and by most accounts, this is the best bang-for-the-buck.

I now have to choose an specialization from one of {Arts, Literature, Music, Philosophy, History}. The decision for me has always been either Philosophy or History. I guess the best method for deciding would be to take a few courses and see which I prefer.

Here's the link in case anyone else has considered DL study:

http://www.csudh.edu/hux/

As an aside, I wonder how a MA in Humanities- assuming I finish- will look alongside a BS in Computer Science on my resume. On second thought, I think I'll probably leave it off...