How Many 5 Year Olds Can You Take?

[JPhillips]

Saw this on another website and thought it would spark a fun discussion.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:


You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.

You are not allowed to touch a wall.

When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."

I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.

The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.

There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


The problem as I see it is the training for the kids and the fact that they won't get scared. My tactic would be to pick one up and beat the rest of them with him/her. I'm going to say I can take thirty out before they could knock me unconscious.

[ShovelMonkey]

I don't thinks a kid that age would posess the physical strength to knock and adult of reasonable physical fitness unconscious. I have cousins that age that I wrestle with. Our rules are they are allowed to do whatever they can to me while I basically just fend them off. Great fun for them. Sometimes their blows sting, but even punching and kicking as hard as they can they never inflict any real damage beyond a bruise.

[MikeVic]

This is hard. All it takes is one lucky shot to your balls, and you're as good as gone. They'd be trained in how to take you down as a team... any shot to the balls would give them at least a couple of seconds to all close in and out-number you.

edit: err nevermind.. just read you wear a cup. :P

[NoMyths]

Hard to pin it down, but it'd probably be a largish number--you could start stacking bodies up to provide a bit of a fort, which would limit the numbers that could attack at once, and fend them off relatively indefinitely, until you got too tired.

[gottimd]

Do they have cooties?

[Bee]

Originally Posted by ShovelMonkey

I don't thinks a kid that age would posess the physical strength to knock and adult of reasonable physical fitness unconscious. I have cousins that age that I wrestle with. Our rules are they are allowed to do whatever they can to me while I basically just fend them off. Great fun for them. Sometimes their blows sting, but even punching and kicking as hard as they can they never inflict any real damage beyond a bruise.

I pretty much agree with this. I think the toughest part would be getting tired. At some point, you'd probably collapse from exhaustion though.

[sterlingice]

For some reason, I love this thread

SI

[TazFTW]

Fatigue would be the biggest factor. Also is there someone picking up the bodies of the KO'd 5 year olds? I would figure the area would be hard to walk through without stepping on one in a while.

[Cringer]

Bring on the midgets baby! I have 5 year old girl who loves to wrestle and pillow fight, I know whats moves are effective. I say atleast 100 are down before I go down.

[gottimd]

Absolute Carnage. I'd be picking them up and throwing them at the others, throwing elbows, it would be like one big dwarf tossing spectacle. The cup is key, because at 5, they are at that right height to hit the jewels with a jab. It would be a perfect place to put your hand on their heads and watch them swing without hitting you.

Do you honestly feel that 5 year olds will pick up enough skill at this combat training in that amount of time? I kind of envision the Matrix fight when Neo is fighting a ton of the Agent Smith's.

[Lathum]

1 because i would never hurt a child.







just kidding.

[Cringer]

Originally Posted by Lathum

1 because i would never hurt a child.

These are NOT children, they are mini-warriors out to take you down.

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by Cringer

These are NOT children, they are mini-warriors out to take you down.

Or leprechauns who are trying to take your gold.

[Cringer]

lmao. nice one.

[gottimd]

If one were to say " I can take on 1,000", would that mean at the beginning of the massacre, there would have to be 1,000 kids and you mashed into a basketball court sized room. Thats a tight fit.

[Ksyrup]

I can barely handle the one I've got, thank you. You can keep the rest.

[QuikSand]

I think this is great. I don't know what my number is, but I appreciate both the creativity in the idea, and the precision with which it was framed.

[Ksyrup]

Maybe I've got the wrong idea of the "typical" 5-year old, seeing as though my daughter is 4'4" and 70 lbs, but when she gets a running start, she can damn near take me down to my knees if I'm not expecting it and/or off-balance to begin with.

Of course, her whining if much more effective, if bringing me to my knees is the goal...

[Pumpy Tudors]

I'm going to say 4.

[lighthousekeeper]

Aside from the 1-day training, do these kids still possess the intelligence of 5 year olds?

Do these kids possess any more wrath than a typical 5 year old? I know they do not get scared, and even the last will "give it his/her best to take you down", do they have any additional hatred to inspire them to bring upon your demise?

Do they feel regret?

Do they feel pain when injured, or are they like "night of the living Fred" monsters?

[BigJohn&TheLions]

I thought this would be about Michael Jackson.

[RendeR]

I'd never lose, you can't throw enough 5 yr olds at this tank to knock it out..

[gottimd]

It says that we can't touch a wall, does that go for the 5 year olds as well? I assume most of us weigh more than a 5 year old here, so could a "4th and goal on the 1" situation and you barrel through the 5 year olds and they hit a wall, are they counted out?

[gottimd]

Originally Posted by BigJohn&TheLions

I thought this would be about Michael Jackson.

This would be his dream situation, many 5 year olds stuck in a room with him.

[Bee]

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

I'm going to say 4.

Or 1 if it's Ksyrup's daughter.

[Desnudo]

If one of them got a lucky trip in, it would get ugly fast. Other than that, I'd just pick one of them up and swing them around and around by the arms.

[Noop]

Ah I would punch the boys in the nutts and kick the girls in the *private spot*..... yeah I am mean to kids trying to knock me out.

[TargetPractice6]

Originally Posted by Noop

Ah I would punch the boys in the nutts and kick the girls in the *private spot*..... yeah I am mean to kids trying to knock me out.

I'd say the kids probably would have the same protective wear as you.

[Noop]

Originally Posted by TargetPractice6

I'd say the kids probably would have the same protective wear as you.

I kick and punch hard.

[Suicane75]

This thread is awfull, i'm actually sitting here trying to think if I could kill a 5 year old with a punch. This is upsetting.

[JPhillips]

What I'm afraid of is that I pick a number high enough that the training gets them to overwhelm me in a single burst. To some extent the longer it goes the better off I am, but a single coordinated rush of dozens of five year olds could bring me down. Then they should be able to limit or even stop my breathing by jamming their tiny fists in my mouth.

For me the real action is all in the first minute. After that I've gotten a couple to beat the others with, but that critical first minute will decide the outcome.

[Coffee Warlord]

Bull rush at the onset. You've got the strength and speed to at least stun a few right off the bat, and arm yourself with a kid in each hand.

Keep em at a distance by using your kid-chucks at maximum range.

[Lathum]

I have a 5 year old niece who every time i pick her up she like to smash her overly large five year old head into the bridge of my nose. That enough can take you down. Anyone else ever expierience this?

[ahbrady]

How many places could have this much in-depth discussion about knocking 5 year olds unconscious? I love this thread. I have laughed out loud at several of the posts. I am disappointed, however, that I can't come up with any number or technique to discuss.

[Anthony]

you don't know how bad i want to fight 5 year olds now. i would pay a lot of money to be in this scenario. i would love to beat the shit out of tiny humans. i would rip and tear. i could envision myself losing my humanity for the required time to fuck these kids up. i'm talking blind bloodlust. i'm talking taking a kid and ripping its jaw off. i just got this sudden urge to fucking fuck shit up. you don't understand, i'm sitting here knowing that if i was in that situation, i could get the ability to take a tiny 5 year old neck and squeeze it.

man, what a fun time. awesome thread.

how many midgets do you think you could take on? i say i can bop versus 20.

[Lathum]

I bet you could hook this up is Thailand

[Fonzie]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

you don't know how bad i want to fight 5 year olds now. i would pay a lot of money to be in this scenario. i would love to beat the shit out of tiny humans. i would rip and tear. i could envision myself losing my humanity for the required time to fuck these kids up. i'm talking blind bloodlust. i'm talking taking a kid and ripping its jaw off. i just got this sudden urge to fucking fuck shit up. you don't understand, i'm sitting here knowing that if i was in that situation, i could get the ability to take a tiny 5 year old neck and squeeze it.

*slowly backs out of thread*

[weinstein7]

This thread is incredible! My personal favorite, courtesy of NoMyths:

"you could start stacking bodies up to provide a bit of a fort"

The mental imagery runs wild!

[Suicane75]

Whats the movie that has the line "I imagine if I punched her hard enough I could knock her head clear off"? I'm paraphrasing but thats the gist, I can't think of the movie though. Anyway, thats the first thing that popped into my head, could I knock a 5 year olds head off with a punch?

[MikeVic]

How sick humankind is...

I haven't given a number because I have no idea how to base an estimation. I have never fought 5 year-olds (play wrestling or otherwise), so I don't know how much punch they have.

You would think that if there's a decent number, you could just flail your arms around to knock out some of them at the start. I'd stay away from running. MUCH too easy to be tripped like that.

Once you do some flailing and knock some out, then the technique of using one as a weapon could be used...

[digamma]

I'm thinking kindergarten classes typically have 25-30 kids in them. Is it unreasonable to think you could handle a kindergarten class?

[Suicane75]

Yeah, I imagine once you have 1 knocked out you could simply spin it around by its head and use its feet to knock out any oncoming attackers.

[Anthony]

i just want to take a 5 year old head and hold it to my chest and squeeze it till it cracked. i bet i could do it. i could be a savage if this opportunity ever presented itself. straight up taking two heads and smashing them into one another. i hope some third world country puts out a PPV of this. i'd watch it. it'd be gross and sick, but i'd pay good money to see something like this.

[Scoobz0202]

I figured somebody had a horrible easter family get together.... Oh how wrong I was

[Anthony]

ok, maybe i wouldn't want to see it. i got very grossed out last nite watchign something i wish the Discovery channel never put on the air.

it was about human facelifts. some Indian girl was in a machine accident, where her entire scalp and 80% of her face was ripped completely and cleanly off. they not only showed a picture of the severed scalp/face but also a picture of her face without the skin. i probably won't ever forget that image for the rest of my life.

so maybe i wouldn't want to see this on PPV. might get too medieval.

ok...now that i remembered what that de-skinned face looked like i'm now coming back down to earth and no longer wish to be in a fight against 5 year olds....willingly.

if a pack of them ever got uppity with me i swear i could flip the rage switch on and get boombastic.

[MikeVic]

See, I don't think I could do that Hell Atlantic. Even if it were life or death... if these kids looked normal, I'd have a hard time hurting them. They'd have to have like red eyes or something.

[Suicane75]

Now i'm wondering how hard I could throw a 5 year old. Like, if I picked up a 5 year old and just hurled it, how fast would they be going? I need a juggs gun.

[Anthony]

Originally Posted by MikeVic

See, I don't think I could do that Hell Atlantic. Even if it were life or death... if these kids looked normal, I'd have a hard time hurting them. They'd have to have like red eyes or something.

that's what i'm saying. if a rebel army of 5 year olds ever got in my way i could flip the rage switch on. if it was just a scene out of Kindergarden Cop or something with your average normal hyperactive kids i could be cool. but for like a toddler guerilla army - man, you gotta act fast.

[vex]

Originally Posted by Hell Atlantic

that's what i'm saying. if a rebel army of 5 year olds ever got in my way i could flip the rage switch on. if it was just a scene out of Kindergarden Cop or something with your average normal hyperactive kids i could be cool. but for like a toddler guerilla army - man, you gotta act fast.

And that can happen at anytime

[Pyser]

congrats, HA. You just scared the living shit out of me.