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Old 09-16-2011, 07:07 AM   #351
gstelmack
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MacroGuru View Post
8 year olds....there is only 1 badger, and have you seen five 8 year olds hopped up on fudgesicles? Not a pretty site!

I'll take my lone 8 year old with a fudgesicle in here over any number of badgers you wish to provide...
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:20 AM   #352
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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What if it's this guy?

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Old 09-16-2011, 07:53 AM   #353
JPhillips
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I think the morale of a group of eight years olds would break pretty quickly when confronted with the sight of a badger ripping the intestines out of one of their friends.
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Old 09-16-2011, 07:53 AM   #354
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Originally Posted by Neon_Chaos View Post
http://www.abs-cbnnews.com/nation/re...qVEAI.facebook

MANILA, Philippines - Women ended armed clashes in 2 Mindanao villages by not having sex with their husbands unless the men laid down their weapons, according to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR).
The success of the "sex strike" allowed families to start rebuilding their communities, the UN's refugee agency said.

Don't ever let your wife/girlfriend ever see this. E.V.E.R.

Funny as hell though.
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:22 AM   #355
cuervo72
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Within a week? Pfft.

/makes dismissive wanking motion
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Old 09-16-2011, 09:07 AM   #356
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/stor...s9PtWJuVw.cspx

Two accused of running up bar tab on corpse's ATM card









DENVER (AP) - Two men accused of driving around with a dead friend, using his ATM card and visiting a strip club are charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation.

Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson are free on bond but they couldn't be reached for comment Thursday.

It's unclear how Jeffrey Jarrett died, but the men are not charged in his death.

The Denver Post reports that in a less amusing real-life version of the film "Weekend at Bernie's," an affidavit accuses Young and Rubinson of leaving Jarrett's body in the car while they drank at a bar on his tab Aug. 27.

Investigators allege the men stopped at a restaurant, returned Jarrett's body to his home, used Jarrett's ATM card and withdrew $400 at a strip club before reporting Jarrett's death.
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Last edited by Ksyrup : 09-16-2011 at 09:08 AM.
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Old 09-16-2011, 10:10 AM   #357
Rizon
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Originally Posted by Ksyrup View Post
http://www.9wsyr.com/news/local/stor...s9PtWJuVw.cspx

Two accused of running up bar tab on corpse's ATM card











DENVER (AP) - Two men accused of driving around with a dead friend, using his ATM card and visiting a strip club are charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation.

Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson are free on bond but they couldn't be reached for comment Thursday.

It's unclear how Jeffrey Jarrett died, but the men are not charged in his death.

The Denver Post reports that in a less amusing real-life version of the film "Weekend at Bernie's," an affidavit accuses Young and Rubinson of leaving Jarrett's body in the car while they drank at a bar on his tab Aug. 27.

Investigators allege the men stopped at a restaurant, returned Jarrett's body to his home, used Jarrett's ATM card and withdrew $400 at a strip club before reporting Jarrett's death.

What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?
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Old 09-16-2011, 10:48 AM   #358
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Bernie does.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:08 AM   #359
molson
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I would hope my friends do this when I die. Maybe I should put it in writing somewhere - but I don't know if that would protect them from the "abusing a corpse" charge.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:18 AM   #360
Glengoyne
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Originally Posted by molson View Post
I would hope my friends do this when I die. Maybe I should put it in writing somewhere - but I don't know if that would protect them from the "abusing a corpse" charge.


I gotta wonder if that is a felony. In general, I have no trouble calling corpse abuse a felony, but for these guy's sakes, I'm pulling for a misdemeanor.

That would be a helluva thing to have to show up on background checks for the rest of your life. "Corpse Abuse"...Well we're not hiring him.
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Old 09-16-2011, 11:45 AM   #361
JediKooter
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Originally Posted by Glengoyne View Post
I gotta wonder if that is a felony. In general, I have no trouble calling corpse abuse a felony, but for these guy's sakes, I'm pulling for a misdemeanor.

That would be a helluva thing to have to show up on background checks for the rest of your life. "Corpse Abuse"...Well we're not hiring him.

And then they say, "Hold on a second. Have you ever seen Weekend at Bernie's? Don't pass on us just yet until you've seen that movie".
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:13 PM   #362
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Woman Dies After Injecting Face With Hot Beef Fat - ABC News

Woman Dies After Injecting Face With Hot Beef Fat


ABC News’ Mikaela Conley reports:

An Illinois woman who injected hot beef fat into her face died Thursday of a bacterial infection soon after she administered the homemade cosmetic surgery. Oddly, doctors say the questionable injections had nothing to do with her death, which was deemed natural by Illinois’ Cook County Medical Examiner’s Office.

Janet Hardt, 63 of Homewood, Ill., boiled beef, extracted the fat and injected it into her face before she went to the hospital complaining that her face felt as if it was burning, according to ABC News’ Chicago affiliate WLS-TV.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported that Hardt had infections and scarring in her mouth and on her lips, but an autopsy declared her death was a result of peritonitis, an inflammation of the abdomen’s inner wall.

This bizarre story does not come without lessons, experts say.

“There are a lot people out there doing self-injections for wrinkles, but I don’t know of any medical associations that would recommend this,” said Dr. Phillip Haeck, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons. “It’s not worth taking a chance with your face to try to save money when it could ultimately cost you a lot more money.”

Hardt reportedly injected her face with the beef fat several times, and she also underwent several legitimate plastic surgery procedures. Because she injected herself multiple times with the animal product, Haeck said she was at risk of developing an allergic reaction.

“One of the injections could cause the skin to erode or ulcerate,” said Haeck. “We know that injections of animal proteins do not cause systemwide failure, but it tends to cause local reactions. A lot of people who have allergic reactions to animal proteins will say that their face is burning like this woman did. That’s probably what was going on here.”
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Old 09-16-2011, 01:16 PM   #363
Ksyrup
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There's no way that's real!

She died giving herself a hot beef injection. NO. FUCKING. WAY.
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:44 AM   #364
tyketime
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POW! Right in the vagina...

Quote:
Lost alum Matthew Fox might lose a big chunk of change.

The 45-year-old is being sued for $25,000 by Ohio bus driver Heather Bormann, who claims Fox punched her in the vagina during a bus incident in Cleveland August 28. According to TMZ, Bormann is seeking damages for assault, battery and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

When the incident occurred, Bormann, 29, blocked Fox from boarding her party bus, but he "started swinging at me," she told Us Weekly in September. "So I punched him in the jaw."

The single mother of three added that she believes that Fox "owes me an apology."
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Old 09-19-2011, 04:24 PM   #366
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Wow. This thread did not show up in the first 5 pages. Odd.

Anyway...

Sperm bank: Redheads need not apply - Health - Pregnancy - msnbc.com

"Our stock is about to explode..."
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Old 09-23-2011, 11:08 AM   #367
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"I'll have two chicken fried steaks, a triple-meat bacon cheeseburger, fried okra, a pound of barbecue, three fajitas, a meat lover's pizza, a pint of ice cream and a slab of peanut butter fudge with crushed peanuts." Texas says, "that's it - no more last meal requests, you've ruined it for everyone".


Texas prisons end special last meals in executions - Yahoo! News

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Old 09-23-2011, 11:22 AM   #368
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How come nobody asks to eat the electric chair?
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Old 09-23-2011, 12:25 PM   #369
QuikSand
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Man Details Sexual Relationship With Dolphin

Your money quote:

Quote:
“I'd warn anyone who's in a relationship with a dolphin. You have to plan an exit strategy,” says Mr Brenner.

Last edited by QuikSand : 09-23-2011 at 12:26 PM.
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Old 09-23-2011, 12:37 PM   #370
Ksyrup
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Holy crap, that reads like an Onion interview/story.
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Old 09-23-2011, 12:38 PM   #371
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Originally Posted by QuikSand View Post

I know I'm having a hard time getting laid, but, I think I'll stick to the internet, some slow jams and some Lubriderm.
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Old 09-23-2011, 12:48 PM   #372
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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I bet his book is selling like salmon cakes.
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Old 09-23-2011, 01:17 PM   #373
Autumn
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My friend noticed that the linked Amazon store, which is just an awful thing, says, "Customers who bought this item also bought: Chicken of the Sea Tuna Chunk Light Water, 5 Ounce Tins (Pack of 48)"
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Old 09-23-2011, 01:21 PM   #374
JediKooter
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I bet his book is selling like salmon cakes.

I heard it's a real page flipper.
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Old 09-23-2011, 01:28 PM   #375
Ksyrup
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If a dolphin ever came on to me, I imagine I'd have to tuna down.

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all weekend.
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Old 09-23-2011, 01:41 PM   #376
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I thought most dolphins kept their emotions bottled up.
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Old 09-23-2011, 01:49 PM   #377
Chief Rum
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I heard that dolphins have bush now
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I would rather be wrong...Than live in the shadows of your song...My mind is open wide...And now I'm ready to start...You're not sure...You open the door...And step out into the dark...Now I'm ready.
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:03 PM   #378
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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You know the old saying... Blow hole or no hole.
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M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:17 PM   #379
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Originally Posted by Suicane75 View Post
How come nobody asks to eat the electric chair?
Thanks, I almost got fired for laughing too loudly at work.
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:27 PM   #380
JediKooter
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Originally Posted by Chief Rum View Post
I heard that dolphins have bush now

Ping Mr. Csonka.
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:36 PM   #381
Pumpy Tudors
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Ping Mr. Csonka.
He had bush on his face.
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:57 PM   #382
Ksyrup
This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
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M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."
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Old 09-23-2011, 05:35 PM   #383
Julio Riddols
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Find more songs like Bob Schneider at Myspace Music

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FUCK EA

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Old 09-27-2011, 10:41 AM   #384
Suburban Rhythm
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The headline isn't great, but the video is great

Quote:
Homeowner, 74, Fends Off Shirtless Intruder


HAMPTON TOWNSHIP, Pa. -- A Hampton Township resident was forced to fight off a shirtless intruder who stumbled into his home and started choking him


Hampton Couple Fights Off Intruder With Wrestling Moves, Statue - News Story - WPXI Pittsburgh

Found a better video from another station, must watch full screen
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Last edited by Suburban Rhythm : 09-27-2011 at 10:46 AM. Reason: better video...hilarious
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Old 09-27-2011, 11:07 AM   #385
JediKooter
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Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors View Post
He had bush on his face.

Is that like two in the bush?
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Old 09-27-2011, 11:51 AM   #386
Ksyrup
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'Toe Suck Fairy' arrested on new charges

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/...78Q38420110927

Some of my favorite parts (non-toe parts, that is):

Quote:
Earlier in the month an 83-year-old woman told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached her. He took off one of her shoes and began sucking her toes, police said.

Quote:
And, he was convicted in 1991 of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death. For that, he was sentence to four years in state prison, but served just over a year.

In 1999, Wyatt was arrested again, police said, after asking a woman in a northwest Arkansas Walmart if she wanted him to amputate her feet and showing her pictures of women with no feet.
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Last edited by Ksyrup : 09-27-2011 at 11:52 AM.
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Old 09-27-2011, 11:57 AM   #387
JediKooter
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Why?
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Old 10-03-2011, 03:12 PM   #388
MacroGuru
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Naked man harassing hikers in Mill Creek Canyon




Quote:
By Erin Alberty
The Salt Lake Tribune
First published Oct 02 2011 10:40PM
Updated 34 minutes ago
A naked man made his fifth appearance this year in Mill Creek Canyon on Sunday morning, when he exposed himself to a woman on the Burch Hollow Trail.
The woman was running the trail about 11 a.m. when the man stood up from behind a bush, exposing himself, said Unified Police Department spokesman Justin Hoyal.
The man was wearing no clothing; his feet were obscured by the bush, so the woman did not know whether he was wearing shoes.
The woman reported the encounter to another hiker, who notified police, Hoyal said.
The man is described as 5 feet 11 inches to 6 feet tall and overweight. He is white and bald or balding, Hoyal said.
The description matches that of a man who has exposed himself to four other women in Mill Creek Canyon since summer began, Hoyal said.
"He hasn’t assaulted anybody yet," he said. "He just stands there naked."
Hoyal urged against hiking alone. Anyone with information may call police at 801-743-7000.
I bolded my favorite part....as if that had any precedence here....


"Yes, he was almost naked...he had on a pair of 1984 Air Jordans.."
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Old 10-03-2011, 03:30 PM   #389
JediKooter
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It's going to start getting pretty cold in Salt Lake City here real soon. I think shrinkage will be a factor.
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Old 10-05-2011, 08:56 PM   #390
cartman
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Chilli contest leaves two in hospital | Pakistan | News | Newspaper | Daily | English | Online
Quote:
Chilli contest leaves two in hospital

Emergency services were called to Kismot Restaurant’s curry-eating challenge, on St Leonards Place, Edinburgh, after competitors started writhing on the floor in agony, vomiting and fainting during the contest.
One participant, Curie Kim was so ill after sampling the “Kismot Killer” that she had to be taken by ambulance to the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary twice in a matter of hours.

The Scottish Ambulance Service said it wanted the restaurant to review the way the event was managed. Paramedics attended the event on Saturday - the busiest day of the week for the ambulance service - costing the service several hundred pounds.

Participants were required to sign a legal disclaimer prior to taking part in the competition, and two members of the British Red Cross were on hand, but they could not cope with the nature of the injuries sustained.
Curry house owner Abdul Ali admitted that he would have to “tone down” the contest, but said the challenge had raised hundreds of pounds for charity CHAS.

He added that half of the 20 people who took part in the challenge had dropped out after witnessing the first 10 diners vomiting, collapsing, sweating and panting. Previously the restaurant’s Kismot Killer dish has caused diners to suffer nose bleeds and one elderly man had to go to hospital. Curie, 21, a Korean exchange student at Edinburgh University, came second in the competition, but she admitted the accolade “came with a price”.

She said: “I’ve always enjoyed spicy foods and thought this was for a good cause. But it came with a price, I had to be taken to the ERI twice."
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:28 PM   #391
Suicane75
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I hope everyone who entered got a fresh pair of underpants just for signing up.
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Old 10-06-2011, 06:21 PM   #392
Galaxy
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Dwarf tossing in Florida?

Lawmaker Files Bill to Repeal State Ban on Dwarf Tossing in Bars | NBC Miami

A Florida lawmaker has filed a bill that would repeal a state law prohibiting dwarf tossing in bars.

Rep. Ritch Workman of Melbourne filed House Bill 4063 on Monday.

"To me it's an archaic kind of Big Brother law that says, 'We don't like that activity,'" Workman told the Florida Current. "Well, there is nothing immoral or illegal about that activity. All we really did by passing that law was take away some employment from some little people."

The cringe-inducing activity was outlawed in 1989, when national controversy over dwarf tossing prompted the Legislature to ban it in bars for safety reasons, the Current reports.
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House Bill 4063 would repeal Florida Statute 561.665, which bans establishments who sell alcohol from activities "involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfism."

While at least one previous lawsuit filed by a little person sought to repeal the law for employment reasons, others including the president of Little People of America are opposed to the new bill.

"In general, if HB 4063 does threaten to undo the protection afforded people of short stature against dwarf tossing, we are concerned, and we would be against legislation," said Gary Arnold to the Current. "The ban on dwarf tossing protects the entire dwarf community."

Under the current statute, the state can fine or suspend the liquor license of bars that host dwarf tossing.


BTW, the rules for dwarf tossing. http://www.minbu.connectfree.co.uk/dwarf.htm

Last edited by Galaxy : 10-06-2011 at 06:27 PM.
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Old 10-06-2011, 09:15 PM   #393
JPhillips
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galaxy View Post
Dwarf tossing in Florida?

Lawmaker Files Bill to Repeal State Ban on Dwarf Tossing in Bars | NBC Miami

A Florida lawmaker has filed a bill that would repeal a state law prohibiting dwarf tossing in bars.

Rep. Ritch Workman of Melbourne filed House Bill 4063 on Monday.

"To me it's an archaic kind of Big Brother law that says, 'We don't like that activity,'" Workman told the Florida Current. "Well, there is nothing immoral or illegal about that activity. All we really did by passing that law was take away some employment from some little people."

The cringe-inducing activity was outlawed in 1989, when national controversy over dwarf tossing prompted the Legislature to ban it in bars for safety reasons, the Current reports.
advertisement

House Bill 4063 would repeal Florida Statute 561.665, which bans establishments who sell alcohol from activities "involving exploitation endangering the health, safety, and welfare of any person with dwarfism."

While at least one previous lawsuit filed by a little person sought to repeal the law for employment reasons, others including the president of Little People of America are opposed to the new bill.

"In general, if HB 4063 does threaten to undo the protection afforded people of short stature against dwarf tossing, we are concerned, and we would be against legislation," said Gary Arnold to the Current. "The ban on dwarf tossing protects the entire dwarf community."

Under the current statute, the state can fine or suspend the liquor license of bars that host dwarf tossing.


BTW, the rules for dwarf tossing. Dwarf Throwing

It really isn't possible to parody some tea party types.
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:50 PM   #394
SackAttack
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Location: Green Bay, WI
Quote:
Originally Posted by MacroGuru View Post
Naked man harassing hikers in Mill Creek Canyon





I bolded my favorite part....as if that had any precedence here....


"Yes, he was almost naked...he had on a pair of 1984 Air Jordans.."

Depending on the jurisdiction, that might actually be relevant to what charges the fella would face if captured.
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Old 10-07-2011, 07:02 AM   #395
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This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off.
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: In Absentia
Goddamn dwarf-tossing nazis!
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:49 AM   #396
Pumpy Tudors
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Location: Pittsburgh, PA
I like this article from a few days before the contest. The foreshadowing is amazing.

http://news.scotsman.com/edinburgh/C...ing.6845939.jp
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Old 10-10-2011, 10:58 AM   #398
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego

Garry: The generator's gone.
MacReady: Any way we can we fix it?
Garry: It's "gone", MacReady.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:54 AM   #399
gstelmack
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Location: Cary, NC
The scrap metal industry really needs some cleaning up...
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Old 10-11-2011, 09:27 AM   #400
Rizon
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Location: Oakland, CA
Case Of The Unwanted Enema Remains Unsolved, According To California Police | The Smoking Gun
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It's hard to throw a good shot with a drunk blonde wrapped around me.
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I don't think I'd stop even if I found a dick.
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