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Old 05-07-2012, 04:48 PM   #501
Easy Mac
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Used the lavatory.

A couple of law clerks came in to pee. They exulted in their inexperience using computers. One also used "bro" in a non-ironic manner.

This is the first time I can recall hearing "bro" without irony. I just thought it was a term of derision for young twenty-somethings us older folk use.

Needless to say, I felt old... and I had the urge to reprimand him.
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Old 05-07-2012, 04:59 PM   #502
molson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Easy Mac View Post
Used the lavatory.

A couple of law clerks came in to pee. They exulted in their inexperience using computers. One also used "bro" in a non-ironic manner.

This is the first time I can recall hearing "bro" without irony. I just thought it was a term of derision for young twenty-somethings us older folk use.

Needless to say, I felt old... and I had the urge to reprimand him.

At least he didn't say "brah".
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Old 05-29-2012, 09:19 PM   #503
tyketime
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Stopped at a Rest Stop on way back home over the Holiday weekend. Dude walks to urinal two down from me with a styrofoam cup in one hand. He then proceeds to pee while continuing to drink from his cup. I think perhaps he's taking the "replenish your fluids" thing a bit too seriously. I mean really... he couldn't wait one minute to enjoy his beverage?
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Old 12-13-2012, 12:15 AM   #504
stevew
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Was pissing in a one bowl open room toilet and I noticed a potential mythical creature today...the shit dam. Someone had laid simultaneous brown cucumbers with no TP. They merged forces to create a mythical "top kill" the likes that deep water horizon needed. I pissed off to the side as to not violate the integrity of the shitstruction.

When I was done, I eagerly awaited the results. Would this flush? It did not.

The identity of the shit brick layer will never be known. But I salute him.
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Old 12-13-2012, 07:00 PM   #505
Desnudo
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Originally Posted by Easy Mac View Post
Used the lavatory.

A couple of law clerks came in to pee. They exulted in their inexperience using computers. One also used "bro" in a non-ironic manner.

This is the first time I can recall hearing "bro" without irony. I just thought it was a term of derision for young twenty-somethings us older folk use.

Needless to say, I felt old... and I had the urge to reprimand him.

Totally should have bro
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Old 10-21-2013, 04:40 PM   #506
Easy Mac
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Why do I get better 4g reception in the bathrooms at work than at my desk? I could understand if they were at the edge of the building, but they're right in the middle.
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Old 10-22-2013, 08:07 AM   #507
Bobble
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Originally Posted by Easy Mac View Post
Why do I get better 4g reception in the bathrooms at work than at my desk? I could understand if they were at the edge of the building, but they're right in the middle.

Check Tobin's Spirit Guide. Was your building built by an insane architect who started the cult of Gozer?
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Old 10-23-2013, 02:03 PM   #508
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Check Tobin's Spirit Guide. Was your building built by an insane architect who started the cult of Gozer?

Insane, or genius?
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Old 10-23-2013, 02:23 PM   #509
Honolulu_Blue
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The toilet in the handicap stall* on my floor at work has a flushing mechanism that's simply too powerful. When you flush after taking a dump the water violently churns. Sometimes it's so strong that brown water flies out of the toilet and onto the seat.

It's gross.



* I always use the handicap stall if it's available, regardless of location.
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Old 10-23-2013, 02:33 PM   #510
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The toilet in the handicap stall* on my floor at work has a flushing mechanism that's simply too powerful. When you flush after taking a dump the water violently churns. Sometimes it's so strong that brown water flies out of the toilet and onto the seat.

It's gross.



* I always use the handicap stall if it's available, regardless of location.

+1.

Normal toilets are too short for me.
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Old 10-23-2013, 10:06 PM   #511
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Old 11-24-2013, 05:12 PM   #512
Easy Mac
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So we are breakfast at a restaurant this morning. My tummy immediately started to hurt, so when we were done, I excuses myself to the bathroom. I was in there for about 3-4 minutes when I hear someone come in. I'm currently unloading, but after about a minute he starts to huff and kind of whine that I'm still shitting.

Then he says "are you still alive in there?"

I say "yes sir, I'm sorry, in really trying to hurry."

About 30 seconds later he just says"what kind of person just sits in a stall, then he storms out."

Now I'm frantically wiping, even though I'm not really done, but I'm trying to be nice. I mostly clean up, flush, and wash my hands.

I exit the bathroom and he's standing at the end of the hallway and just eyes me. Turns out he's probably in his mid to late 70s.

I pass and say sorry.

Then his wife is about 15 feet further standing next to some tables.

As I walk by, she says,"pfft, jerk."

I stop and say, "sorry, I was going to the bathroom" but not sarcastically.

She then says, "next time don't just sit there."

I responded, "would you like to go in there and check, I can show you what I did." This was definitely said sarcastically/assholishly.

I then turned and went to leave.

Then, I see them behind me. They don't even bother going to the bathroom, they just go to pay.

The only saving grace is I didn't say to her what I wanted to, which was "just die already if this is how you live, the world would be much better." That probably wouldn't have endeared me to the people sitting nearby.

Are there really people who just sit in stalls? Believe me, I didn't want to be sitting in that stall, it's not like I was having a good time.

Those asses just ruined my day before it really started.
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Old 11-24-2013, 07:49 PM   #513
Desnudo
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I think you set your self up when you responded to his whining. Most you'll ever get out of me is "occupied." He should know toilets are no conversation areas.
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Old 11-24-2013, 07:51 PM   #514
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Easy Mac View Post
So we are breakfast at a restaurant this morning. My tummy immediately started to hurt, so when we were done, I excuses myself to the bathroom. I was in there for about 3-4 minutes when I hear someone come in. I'm currently unloading, but after about a minute he starts to huff and kind of whine that I'm still shitting.

Then he says "are you still alive in there?"

I say "yes sir, I'm sorry, in really trying to hurry."

About 30 seconds later he just says"what kind of person just sits in a stall, then he storms out."

Now I'm frantically wiping, even though I'm not really done, but I'm trying to be nice. I mostly clean up, flush, and wash my hands.

I exit the bathroom and he's standing at the end of the hallway and just eyes me. Turns out he's probably in his mid to late 70s.

I pass and say sorry.

Then his wife is about 15 feet further standing next to some tables.

As I walk by, she says,"pfft, jerk."

I stop and say, "sorry, I was going to the bathroom" but not sarcastically.

She then says, "next time don't just sit there."

I responded, "would you like to go in there and check, I can show you what I did." This was definitely said sarcastically/assholishly.

I then turned and went to leave.

Then, I see them behind me. They don't even bother going to the bathroom, they just go to pay.

The only saving grace is I didn't say to her what I wanted to, which was "just die already if this is how you live, the world would be much better." That probably wouldn't have endeared me to the people sitting nearby.

Are there really people who just sit in stalls? Believe me, I didn't want to be sitting in that stall, it's not like I was having a good time.

Those asses just ruined my day before it really started.

The correct course of action is to lob shit grenades over the stall door.
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Old 11-24-2013, 08:05 PM   #515
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Old 11-24-2013, 08:45 PM   #516
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Easy Mac View Post
So we are breakfast at a restaurant this morning. My tummy immediately started to hurt, so when we were done, I excuses myself to the bathroom. I was in there for about 3-4 minutes when I hear someone come in. I'm currently unloading, but after about a minute he starts to huff and kind of whine that I'm still shitting.

Then he says "are you still alive in there?"

I say "yes sir, I'm sorry, in really trying to hurry."

About 30 seconds later he just says"what kind of person just sits in a stall, then he storms out."

Now I'm frantically wiping, even though I'm not really done, but I'm trying to be nice. I mostly clean up, flush, and wash my hands.

I exit the bathroom and he's standing at the end of the hallway and just eyes me. Turns out he's probably in his mid to late 70s.

I pass and say sorry.

Then his wife is about 15 feet further standing next to some tables.

As I walk by, she says,"pfft, jerk."

I stop and say, "sorry, I was going to the bathroom" but not sarcastically.

She then says, "next time don't just sit there."

I responded, "would you like to go in there and check, I can show you what I did." This was definitely said sarcastically/assholishly.

I then turned and went to leave.

Then, I see them behind me. They don't even bother going to the bathroom, they just go to pay.

The only saving grace is I didn't say to her what I wanted to, which was "just die already if this is how you live, the world would be much better." That probably wouldn't have endeared me to the people sitting nearby.

Are there really people who just sit in stalls? Believe me, I didn't want to be sitting in that stall, it's not like I was having a good time.

Those asses just ruined my day before it really started.

At that point I make it a point of just chillin' a bit longer..No reason to inconvenience myself.....
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:34 PM   #517
Dodgerchick
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Yeah so, someone peeked as I was doing my business in the stall. When she realized I was in there, she sighed and went to another one. For the love of Christ, if you wanna use that stall, pull on the damn door to see if it's occupied, DON'T FUCKIN LOOK IN THERE!!11!!
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:46 PM   #518
Dodgerchick
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dola,

There's a lady who habitually doesn't wash her hands. She does her thing, flushes the toilet and walks out... eww. I started looking at people's shoes so I can find out who this person is. Today I found out who it is and I can never see her the same again. One thing's for damn sure, I ain't eating any of her food at pot lucks anymore!!

That's some nasty shit. Pun not intended.
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:49 PM   #519
Dodgerchick
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double dola,

The women's restroom fuckin' wreaks. I swear, every time I leave the restroom I can smell the nasty on me. Gross ass shit. There's a girl who brings Lysol with her every time she goes in the stall it smells so bad.

Last edited by Dodgerchick : 05-15-2014 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 05-15-2014, 07:31 PM   #520
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dola,

There's a lady who habitually doesn't wash her hands. She does her thing, flushes the toilet and walks out... eww. I started looking at people's shoes so I can find out who this person is. Today I found out who it is and I can never see her the same again. One thing's for damn sure, I ain't eating any of her food at pot lucks anymore!!

That's some nasty shit. Pun not intended.

How can you tell someone hasn't washed their hands by looking at their feet?
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Old 07-28-2015, 01:48 AM   #521
stevew
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Norwegian golf course plagued by serial pooper - The Local

Stavanger Golf Club in south-west Norway has, for the last ten years, been the victim of an unknown culprit who has been using several of the course's holes as a toilet.


Greenskeeper, Kenneth Tennfjord, is the man tasked with dealing with the perpetrator’s deposits.

“He has a couple of favourite holes,” he told Norwegian newspaper, Rogaland Avis. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord says.
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Old 07-28-2015, 03:33 AM   #522
Suicane75
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How sexist.
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Old 07-28-2015, 05:59 AM   #523
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How can you tell someone hasn't washed their hands by looking at their feet?

By recognizing their shoes.
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Old 07-29-2015, 08:52 AM   #524
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See, if the Random garbage thread had existed at the time, we wouldn't even have this thing of beauty.
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Old 07-30-2015, 07:10 PM   #525
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Norwegian golf course plagued by serial pooper - The Local

Stavanger Golf Club in south-west Norway has, for the last ten years, been the victim of an unknown culprit who has been using several of the course's holes as a toilet.


Greenskeeper, Kenneth Tennfjord, is the man tasked with dealing with the perpetrator’s deposits.

“He has a couple of favourite holes,” he told Norwegian newspaper, Rogaland Avis. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord says.

I'm spending Christmas week in Stavanger. I'll keep an eye out.
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Old 07-30-2015, 11:49 PM   #526
Julio Riddols
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This would make a fantastic Coen Bros film.

'Greenskeeper'

Starring Paul Giamatti as caddy Roy Baker

John Goodman as course owner Leland Cartwright III

Steve Buscemi as groundskeeper Pete Wrigley

William H. Macy as semi pro golfer Charlie "Slice" Martin

and Tom Cruise with a cameo as homeless lunatic and heroin junkie Pooper Jenkins

With quotable lines like

"Dammit, Roy.. I told you to check the hole before I shot. Both my balls are covered in shit now! It's gonna play hell with the trajectory!"

and

"Does this guy even wipe?"

and

"My daddy built this place with his own hands, and I will be damned if I am letting some midget with... digestive issues.. ruin the biggest tournament we have ever held here!"

and this memorable exchange:

"I'm not doing it."
"Not doing what?"
"I'm not cleaning the giant turd on hole 16."
"Well goddammit Pete, why not??"
"I have dignity to uphold Mr. Cartwright. I have a wife and kids!"
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Old 08-24-2015, 12:21 PM   #527
Logan
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Guy a couple stalls down from me is eating in there. I can tell there are at least two different wrappers involved and he's also burped. Is this guy getting bullied in our small eating space everyday and he had to escape?
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Old 08-24-2015, 12:25 PM   #528
timmae
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Guy a couple stalls down from me is eating in there. I can tell there are at least two different wrappers involved and he's also burped. Is this guy getting bullied in our small eating space everyday and he had to escape?

Multi tasking of course, lol! He's also updating facebook status and picking his nose most likely.
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Old 08-24-2015, 12:28 PM   #529
Suicane75
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Eating in a public toilet. I'd like to take this guy in this years death pool.
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Old 08-24-2015, 01:15 PM   #530
Dutch
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I waited to flush while some dude was in the shitter ending a conference call. Worst decision I've made in a while in hindsight. No pun intended.
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Old 08-24-2015, 01:45 PM   #531
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Last year I was in a restroom and watched a student go into a stall with a Subway sandwich.
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Old 10-09-2015, 02:10 PM   #532
lighthousekeeper
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ALL HAIL THE LEARNING URINAL SIMULATOR:

Urinal Man - Learning Urinal Simulator

(I got a B)
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Old 10-09-2015, 02:13 PM   #533
RomaGoth
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I often wonder if I am the only one who has a "regular" time of day that I take a dump. I believe it is around 1pm...
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Old 10-09-2015, 02:29 PM   #534
Chief Rum
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ALL HAIL THE LEARNING URINAL SIMULATOR:

Urinal Man - Learning Urinal Simulator

(I got a B)

A+!

I'm the Piss CHampion.
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Old 10-09-2015, 02:31 PM   #535
timmae
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I often wonder if I am the only one who has a "regular" time of day that I take a dump. I believe it is around 1pm...

Thankfully this was posted at 1:13 and not 1:01. Does it finish at 1:10?!
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Old 10-09-2015, 03:06 PM   #536
Logan
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I often wonder if I am the only one who has a "regular" time of day that I take a dump. I believe it is around 1pm...

I'm usually a 10am guy.
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Old 10-09-2015, 03:47 PM   #537
Grover
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2:15 for me. Clockwork.
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Old 10-09-2015, 04:55 PM   #538
Easy Mac
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Mine is, whenever the cleaning ladies are most likely to knock on the door to clean. I could go at any time of day and I'm still assured of them knocking. I just assume they have a tracker in me.
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Old 10-09-2015, 06:15 PM   #539
RomaGoth
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Mine is, whenever the cleaning ladies are most likely to knock on the door to clean. I could go at any time of day and I'm still assured of them knocking. I just assume they have a tracker in me.

Nah, it's the government. Do you REALLY believe those women are just cleaning ladies?
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Old 10-09-2015, 06:15 PM   #540
RomaGoth
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Thankfully this was posted at 1:13 and not 1:01. Does it finish at 1:10?!

Actually, that was 12:10 my time. I feel much better now though.
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Quote:
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Old 10-09-2015, 09:00 PM   #541
stevew
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I'm usually a 10am guy.

Why would you give up homefield advantage like that. Get your shits together at home. Unless you leave for work at like 6am
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Old 10-10-2015, 07:54 AM   #542
Logan
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Why would you give up homefield advantage like that. Get your shits together at home. Unless you leave for work at like 6am

Why shit at home for free when you could be paid to shit at work?
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Old 10-10-2015, 08:02 AM   #543
BillJasper
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Why shit at home for free when you could be paid to shit at work?

This is how I've always felt.
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Old 10-10-2015, 10:48 AM   #544
Grover
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Why shit at home for free when you could be paid to shit at work?

Exactly.
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Old 04-22-2016, 02:15 PM   #545
timmae
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Someone painted the bowl a good one this morning... not me but I did stand back to admire... err... pick the next stall. I don't even want to know the urgency of that event..
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Old 11-10-2016, 05:53 PM   #546
TCY Junkie
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When a guy 6 foot 8 comes out of stall cleaning restroom you make for sure you hit the urinal so not even splash back gets on the floor.
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Old 01-24-2017, 02:17 PM   #547
Easy Mac
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Originally Posted by timmae View Post
Someone painted the bowl a good one this morning... not me but I did stand back to admire... err... pick the next stall. I don't even want to know the urgency of that event..

I went to use the single bathroom at lunch so I could change into running clothes. I lifted the lid to pee before I went out, and every square inch under the toilet seat was splattered with crap. I mean it was everywhere, like in one of those bad comedies where someone walks into a stall with crap everywhere. I'd never seen anything like it in real life.

I still peed in it, but I stood an extra foot back. Somehow, there was no smell in the bathroom.
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Old 01-24-2017, 02:25 PM   #548
Suicane75
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Maybe it was a lady. Ladies don't have smelly poo.
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Old 12-21-2017, 09:34 AM   #549
stevew
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Old 05-21-2018, 10:11 AM   #550
albionmoonlight
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: North Carolina
The bathrooms on our floor are being renovated, so we have to take the elevators to another floor to use the restroom.

This is as annoying as it sounds.
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