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Old 07-11-2008, 12:51 PM   #401
Noop
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Smurf you nasty.
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Old 07-11-2008, 12:52 PM   #402
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Smurf you nasty.

don't even try to tell us you've never had a mole poke it's head out of the hole and then go back in
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:01 PM   #403
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Do you go when you have to or do you wait till the last possible moment so the shit flies out?
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:02 PM   #404
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I don't know if it's ever peeked out and I've pushed it back in. Hard to tell.

I'm mixed on the waiting till the last possible moment. It depends on the situation.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:03 PM   #405
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Originally Posted by rkmsuf View Post
don't even try to tell us you've never had a mole poke it's head out of the hole and then go back in

You need more fiber in your diet.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:04 PM   #406
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Originally Posted by bsak16 View Post
Do you go when you have to or do you wait till the last possible moment so the shit flies out?

Certainly it's more fun to make the shit fly out. The norm is to go when needed but sometimes the butt has a sense of humor and tests your mental toughness with an immediate need.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:05 PM   #407
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You need more fiber in your diet.

The fun ones are the non solid games of peek-a-boo.
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:09 PM   #408
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Originally Posted by rkmsuf View Post
The fun ones are the non solid games of peek-a-boo.

Those are a little scary and require skill not to pop that bubble that comes out. If you do, you have a mess in your pants!
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:38 PM   #409
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Forgot to post this when it happened...

A few weeks ago, I walked into the restroom at my new office, and there was a guy standing at the urinal... with his pants and shorts pulled all the way down to his ankles.

When I walked in he quickly pulled them up and left.

I don't even want to know why or what he was doing.

---
Same office.

Co-worker tells me that he had seen footprints on the toilet seats for months and kind of ignored it until he was sitting in a stall one day and thought he was alone in the bathroom.

He hears a sound and looks over to see a set of feet drop down off the toilet in the stall next to him. It appears that we have someone standing on the toilet to squat while doing his business. Never come across that before.
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Old 07-11-2008, 02:47 PM   #410
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Bathroom at work is pretty standard. Two sinks up front, smallish single stall on far left, then two urinals one lower than the other for children. Opposite wall has a large handicap stall.

Walk in yesterday and someone is TCOB in slimjim (small stall) while both urinals are available there is another guy taking a piss in handyland with the door wide open. WTF? I just walked out.
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:03 AM   #411
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OK, so I just had a bizarre experience perfect for this thread.

I'm one of few people who get to the office before 8am, so usually when I go into the bathroom before 8, I'm the first one in and have to turn the lights on. So this morning I go in about 15 minutes ago, flip the lights on, and take the closest stall to the door. Except I notice a smell that suggests someone has taken a dump recently. But the lights were off, so I was a bit confused. Then I realized someone was in the stall next to me (it's the handicapped stall, so I can't see feet without making a concerted effort, but I hear noise). Apparently someone has been sitting in the bathroom with the lights off. After 3 minutes, he gets up and leaves, without a flush or washing his hands.

So...WTF just went on? Did someone else take a dump even earlier, and this guy just wanted some alone time in the dark which I ruined, so he left? Or did he finish the job before I came in and left without washing up? Or did he beat me by a millisecond and not even get started, then left to find another bathroom where he could be alone in the dark? And if so, then what about the smell that was clearly in the air?

That was really, really strange.
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:13 AM   #412
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Sort of unrelated, but Ksyrup's story reminded me of this...

My company is spread of 3, used to be 4, buildings in downtown.

At one point I was in the oldest of the 4 buildings, and the bathrooms were in the hallways, not within the office suites. For that reason, they had motion sensor lights.

The timer was for about 5 mins I think. At normally, throughout the day, it wasn't a problem. As soon as you opened the door, lights go on, plus the normal amount of traffic.

But if you sat in the far stall at the right time of day...you'd be in there, and have the lights go out. The position of the light, the only way to have it kick back on was to wave your arms above the stall walls.
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:41 PM   #413
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Used the urinal at work and the person in the stall next to it obviously had the shits and it had to be one hell of a case since the guy was grunting and sobbing.

I should have asked what he ate so I could avoid it.
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:48 PM   #414
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Sobbing???
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:51 PM   #415
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Sobbing???

Good Lord Almighty.
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Old 08-21-2008, 10:54 PM   #416
Mustang
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Sobbing???

Yep. Everytime his cornhole blew.

What made it funnier is that I just saw a rerun of South Park's biggest crap episode yesterday... reminded me of Randy Marsh.
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:29 AM   #417
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Sounds like a bad case of the 'roids. Have had them flare up and everything you even thought about pooping the thought of glass shards coming out my ass just made me want to cry.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:13 AM   #418
Dr. Sak
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I don't know why I waited so long to post this...

So a few months ago there has been a person or persons who have been clogging up the toilets. I'm talking nasty black shit that stunk so bad I almost threw up. This was a weekly occurrence where you'd walk into the bathroom to take a shit and one of the stalls would be out of order.

So finally our boss had to send an email out to everyone on our floor about proper bathroom etiquette. There was statements in there that were so funny, I laughed for a good 15-20 minutes.

"If you have a larger than normal load please use multiple flushes."
"If this continues we might have to curb some bathroom privileges."

People are nasty.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:34 AM   #419
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How on earth are they going to curb bathroom privileges?
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:41 AM   #420
Dr. Sak
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First they said they would take paper towels out of the bathroom cause someone was stuffing them in the toilet.
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Old 02-19-2009, 10:47 AM   #421
Logan
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Is it a big office? I would start paying attention to where people are going out to eat each day. Start asking where people have been eating dinner. You will eventually find the prick who is attending Big Ed's BBQ every Wednesday night.
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Old 02-19-2009, 11:56 AM   #422
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Everytime guys talk about this, it is always accepted that there are buffer zones. I wonder if this idiots just don't have any guy friends where they can learn that this type of behavior will not be tolerated!


No this can't be right, becuase I never had male role models to teach me this stuff and I still managed to learn buffer zones and safe spacing on my own.

Its an instinct in men and if they don't have it they aren't men.
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Old 02-27-2009, 03:07 PM   #423
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I saw a couple used condoms in the bathroom yesterday, I am assuming there was a gang bang or something of that sort.
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Old 02-27-2009, 03:20 PM   #424
Dr. Sak
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Maybe it was a gaybang.
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Old 09-02-2009, 02:28 PM   #425
Ronnie Dobbs2
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Hilarious for nerds:

Urinal protocol vulnerability xkcd
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Old 09-02-2009, 03:03 PM   #426
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Is it sad that I've considered writing programs to determine maximum urinal efficiency? I think there's also one thing not in his equation- short urinals (i.e. the little kid ones)- those throw everything off.

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Old 01-14-2010, 02:33 PM   #427
Dr. Sak
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This could be a poll question but anyway...

Today I had the mad case of the shits. So I bolt to the bathroom. And it is one of those shits where you get the sweats and shortness of breath...actually I think it was the beer shits cause I got drunk last night but you get my point.

With mere seconds to pick a stall before I shit myself I ran into the bathroom where there are 3 stalls.

Stall 1 - piss all over the seat...it was like someone stood there and aimed for the seat not the toilet.

Stall 2 - Pubies sprinkled on the seat like they just shaved their junk.

Stall 3 - I think a yeti just dumped in the toilet and didn't flush. The shit was actually over the water.

What to you pick?
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:34 PM   #428
Scoobz0202
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Stall 2, easily.
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:37 PM   #429
DataKing
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Stall 2, no question. 5 seconds of anus-clenching while you wipe off that seat with some TP is a much better option than the other two.
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:47 PM   #430
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I would take stall 1. Better to sit in pee than take home crabs. And I think the yeti stall is completely out of the question at this point. Plus IMO the pee would be easier to clean up than the pubes.
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:03 PM   #431
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4. Shit in the urinal.
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:25 PM   #432
flere-imsaho
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Stall 1. Urine is sterile.
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:38 PM   #433
hhiipp
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Stall 1. Urine is sterile.

Urine is sterile, and if it was your own it's not so bad to sit in, but the thought of sitting in someone else's grosses me out a bit. Go for the pube one, at least if they were trimming their junk maybe they were hygenic about it.
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:55 PM   #434
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Secret option #4. You go across the street to the near vacant office complex and use their bathrooms which are always clean with no one around.

No wait.. that is what I do. Nevermind.
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Old 01-14-2010, 04:04 PM   #435
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Secret option #4. You go across the street to the near vacant office complex and use their bathrooms which are always clean with no one around.

No wait.. that is what I do. Nevermind.

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Old 01-14-2010, 04:26 PM   #436
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We have people who do that all the time. Our floor is more than half empty so people come down to floor 2 to, well, number 2 in our bathrooms. You can always tell who they are, too, because only 1 sink in our bathroom (of the 3) stays on for more than 5 seconds so they're the ones always fighting whereas the normal residents of the floor long ago realized which sink was the only working one.

SI
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Old 01-15-2010, 09:24 AM   #437
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I'd like to contribute a restroom story. The restroom in question is a fairly large office restroom, 6 urinals on this side with an equal number of sinks. The stalls are on the other side. Lots of people use this restroom. It's not exactly private.

Anyway as I go in, there's a guy standing in the dead middle of the room with his pants around his ankles. He's tucking his T-shirt -- not just INTO his tighty-whiteys -- but he's pulled the shirt all the way through and he's carefully arranging the bottom of the T-shirt as it pokes out the leg holes. It's like a white underwear mini-skirt.
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Old 01-15-2010, 03:40 PM   #438
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Everytime this thread gets bumped, I hope it leads to smurf being back for good.
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Old 01-15-2010, 03:42 PM   #439
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Everytime this thread gets bumped, I hope it leads to smurf being back for good.

That was part of the reason I bumped it.
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Old 01-15-2010, 04:31 PM   #440
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I used the restroom at work yesterday. Didn't have any problems at all.
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Old 01-14-2011, 08:41 AM   #441
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No real good reason to bump this. I linked to it in another thread, then went back and read through it. Always a good read.
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Old 01-14-2011, 09:44 AM   #442
Apathetic Lurker
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Never , ever use a Walmart bathroom.....
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:10 AM   #443
stevew
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The other day I found myself having to go pretty bad when I was at lowes. Anyways, I go to the bathroom and both stalls are filled. Obvious worst case scenerio. Anyways, I wait and wait, and go outside. A few minutes later, I'm like WTF, and I check back in. Both are filled still, so I check my watch. I go outside and wait again, at least 7 minutes have passed and I check. Still filled. Dudes must be having a fucking Larry Craig session or something.


After a reasonable 7 minute window had passed, I really felt that I was within my rights to comment or pound on the doors. Pretty much the only thing that stopped me was that I found the urge to go dissipating. I'm just wondering what I could/should have done, though, cause I dunno if the dudes in both of the stalls were just camped out like they were playing COD.
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:15 AM   #444
MikeVic
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Had to go so bad you posted it twice?

I think seven minutes is too short of a window. I'm usually in there for 10-15 and playing with my iPhone or something.
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:36 AM   #445
lighthousekeeper
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this thread deserves some kind of lifetime achievement golden scribe award
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:37 AM   #446
molson
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Originally Posted by stevew View Post
The other day I found myself having to go pretty bad when I was at lowes. Anyways, I go to the bathroom and both stalls are filled. Obvious worst case scenerio. Anyways, I wait and wait, and go outside. A few minutes later, I'm like WTF, and I check back in. Both are filled still, so I check my watch. I go outside and wait again, at least 7 minutes have passed and I check. Still filled. Dudes must be having a fucking Larry Craig session or something.


After a reasonable 7 minute window had passed, I really felt that I was within my rights to comment or pound on the doors. Pretty much the only thing that stopped me was that I found the urge to go dissipating. I'm just wondering what I could/should have done, though, cause I dunno if the dudes in both of the stalls were just camped out like they were playing COD.

You really need a backup plan in place before something like this happens. Isn't there a McDonald's or a gas station down the street or something?
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:52 AM   #447
TCY Junkie
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I know this is about an urinal and not on topic but this pretty close to on topic for me.

This 5 year old that I knew from bowling with his parents the year before came up to me when I was using the urinal. There where shields installed on both sides but the kid decided to stand next to the urinal in a crammed space(shoulder touching the urinal) and say do I know you.
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:59 AM   #448
Mustang
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Never , ever use a Walmart bathroom.....

Don't ever use a bathroom at Gencon on day 4. The human body does some horrific things after 4 straight days of Taco Bell, Nachos and Jolt.
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:09 PM   #449
stevew
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Had to go so bad you posted it twice?

I think seven minutes is too short of a window. I'm usually in there for 10-15 and playing with my iPhone or something.

In a lowes(home improvement store)? It is one thing if it is the office bathroom where a small subset of people are using it.

They were in there for like 10 minutes or more at least. I just checked my watch after a certain point cause it was getting crazy.

Last edited by stevew : 01-14-2011 at 12:11 PM.
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Old 02-09-2011, 11:08 AM   #450
Dodgerchick
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For the love of God, please don't slam the door so hard that the hinge moves and opens one of the stall doors. The last thing I want is to go in my cubicle with the sight of someone wiping their ass burned in my head. thx
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