Please help

[Stormy58]

First time poster, long time lurker. Need advice.

Mid 50's guy, ready to get this life over with. Have time and place picked out where my body will hopefully never be found. I am not here to debate suicide or to hear how selfish I am, I already know that. Save your words as they will fall on deaf ears. What I need help on is this.

Is is better to send the people I care about a letter explaining what I have done, which sounds about as callous as one can be, or to let them always wonder what happened to me, always holding out hope that I am alive somewhere. Which is the worse of two evils? People involved are two kids in their 20's, both parents, brother, best friend and ex-wife. Please just respond as to which choice is better. Anything mean you can say to me, I have already said to myself many many times over. Help me choose the less worse of he two alternatives.

[Draft Dodger]

I think you are making a terrible, terrible mistake and I hope you change your mind.

I would want a letter.

[jeff061]

Yeah, this would be one of the few times I'm in favor of just deleting a thread. If it's actually real(big if) then why risk any attention from the authorities after the fact.

That said, I believe in freedom of choice when it comes to suicide. But you should at least try to out live your parents. That's my "callous" thoughts. Send the letter.

And someone, for the love of god, post pictures of Scarlett Johansson.

[Izulde]

I'm sure you realize the intense pain and anguish you're going to cause the people you say you care about if you go through with this.

That said, I would also want a letter. Letting them wonder would be the utmost in cruelty.

[Bad-example]

1. I've been on that ledge more times than I would care to admit. I've always reached a point later where I was glad I didn't follow through on my plan. Depression absolutely sucks but it always passes.
2. Leave a note.

[DaddyTorgo]

And here I wasn't going to post in this forum for a while due to being irritated about my boxing.

I don't think you're going to find anyone saying anything mean to you here Stormy. You should know that.

I'll answer your question, but you're going to have to read the rest of my post because I'm going to bury it in the middle.

I've had those feelings. And I've had friends that had them worse than I did. Far worse. I'd urge you to reconsider. You obviously have some people who care about you (I'm assuming they're your kids), your parents, a brother, and a best friend. And you obviously care about them as well - if you didn't you wouldn't be concerned whether they knew what happened to you or not.

There's a ton of hotlines out there - 1-800-273-8255 being just one of them. Call one of them...talk to them about whatever has you feeling that this is a solution. Because it's something that you want to be thinking long and hard about - it's permanent...there's no taking it back, or getting a do-over. Oh and my answer to your question is leave a letter absolutely. Even if you've called them before and you feel like you've talked about it enough, talk to them again.

Have you talked to anyone about it? Because I presume the answer is (as it usually seems to be) that you haven't talked to anyone about it - and you absolutely should. You're too close to the situation to see the big picture and to see the full effect that your choice would have. There might be a solution that you haven't thought of, or that you irrationally dismissed. Or you might have a biochemical imbalance in your brain that is fixable with medication and you'll end up doing a complete 180.

[CleBrownsfan]

Good advice DT - and I'm personally glad you're back from your suspension.

[Lathum]

This is some sick shit either way.

My brother in law committed suicide leaving my sister with 3 small children under the age of 2. No note would have made any difference, she would still wonder what she could have done differently, his family would still blame her, she would still blame herself and her kids are still going to grow up without a father.

If this thread is serious, get help. If not, get help.

[panerd]

Originally Posted by Lathum

If this thread is serious, get help. If not, get help.

.
Yes a million times yes to this. If you are serious you really need help and a message board is not the best place to go for this. Get some real life help. If you are making all this up, you need some help as well.

[Swaggs]

Please call 911 and contact a professional.

[frnk55]

Originally Posted by Lathum

This is some sick shit either way.

My brother in law committed suicide leaving my sister with 3 small children under the age of 2. No note would have made any difference, she would still wonder what she could have done differently, his family would still blame her, she would still blame herself and her kids are still going to grow up without a father.

If this thread is serious, get help. If not, get help.

Cripes, that's terrible.

[PurdueBrad]

Stormy, I have been going through what is easily the worst year of my life and I can tell you that there is always something out there to live for. I've thought about this a lot myself, just to end some of the suffering I've been through. But every time I thought about it, somebody or something would be there and I realized that I wanted to stay around. Please, give it time.

If you must do this and you feel there is nothing else out there, then I definitely encourage you to leave a note (assuming it is honest and yet non-blaming) for your family and friends who do love you and will want answers and closure. Your life is important to them, whether or not you realize it now, and they have deserved at least some reasoning from you.

I'm not a religious person but I will pray for you and whatever decision you make. Please, give this time.

[Swaggs]

If you are unwilling to reconsider, I would absolutely contact my parents and children (it looks like you are no longer married). Think of the shared life you have had with them and how they will feel to never know what happened.

[MJ4H]

I think you should write the letter, myself, but can you please let us know why you would consider not writing a letter? It seems pretty obvious to me that you should. Why would you not want to write a letter?

[Lathum]

Stormy, I have been through this and seen the effects it has on family. I had to raise my niece and nephews as their father because of what my BIL did.

Take some time to think about this, post here, get some feelings out. I know we are strangers but we can provide a variety of perspective. PM me if you want to AIM about what your family will feel afterwards.

[Matthean]

.

[Sun Tzu]

In all seriousness (and assuming the OP isn't some joker), I'd consider the following...

It isn't a small world...in fact, it's a very, very big world. If your life isn't what you'd hoped, something as simple as moving to another state/city can do wonders. We all lose ourselves at some point in life, and I've often found that when you're surrounded by new, fresh and unfamiliar surroundings, it can almost seem like a rebirth. You will discover things about yourself, and the world, that you never knew existed. Maybe you find that you prefer to not keep in contact with family? Maybe you find a new, incredibly attractive and altogether perfect mate? Maybe you find inspiration to take a daily walk or get into great physical shape...you know, exercise is clinically proven to reduce depression. Maybe you find that your life where it is right now is actually pretty good, but all you needed was some perspective? Who knows. Life is crazy like that...it's completely unpredictable.

One thing is for sure though: Life is always worth living.

[panerd]

Yeah I am going to take a guess that you have some real issues with your ex-wife. I lot of people have been there (not specifically with wives or at your level) and it does get better. It doesn't seem like it will but it does.

[Lathum]

You still here Stormy?

[MacroGuru]

Yeah..I wasn't going to post in this thread.

I have 2 friends, a cousin and an uncle all take their lives. I have personally seen the side effects of this to families more often than most others should.

This is a serious decision, as it has been said earlier is permanent.

I have been there myself, and then I think about my kids, watching them graduate high school, then college....seeing them get married, have kids, spoil my grandkids and hopefully see them grow and potentially see the great grandkids....that alone has made me walk back.

I don't know what to say other than I am also here to talk for you, feel free to PM me....life is worth living.

A letter should be left if the change doesn't happen, but know this...regardless of what you do (letter or not), there will be questions...there will be people taking blame for why and there will be anger.

But honestly.....talk to someone....

[Sun Tzu]

I'm incredibly curious as to how the final decision on suicide was reached. What were your other options? I know your opening post said you were only looking for an answer to X question, but if you're really a long-time lurker, you know you can't get away without fledging this out at least a little bit.

Do tell, Stormster.

[Comey]

I hope this is a bad joke. If, for the unfortunate reason it isn't.........please, please, please get help. I know, if I had left the house the day after my 29th birthday, I wouldn't be here right now.

There is a better way...please, please get help.

[Stormy58]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't want to get into a backstory, just know that I have been heading in this direction for the last 5 years, with each year getting progressively worse. I've lived a great life and experienced everything I could have ever wanted to experience, short of having grandkids and seeing Texas Tech in a BCS game. Just don't want to do this anymore, so tired ........ tired of being me.

I heard what I needed to hear. Knew it deep down, just needed somebody to tell me to write them. DO NOT WANT TO, but you guys are right. Thanks FOFC. You guys are a great community.

[Bad-example]

If you give it time, you will feel differently than you do now.

[MJ4H]

Originally Posted by Stormy58

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't want to get into a backstory, just know that I have been heading in this direction for the last 5 years, with each year getting progressively worse. I've lived a great life and experienced everything I could have ever wanted to experience, short of having grandkids and seeing Texas Tech in a BCS game. Just don't want to do this anymore, so tired ........ tired of being me.

I heard what I needed to hear. Knew it deep down, just needed somebody to tell me to write them. DO NOT WANT TO, but you guys are right. Thanks FOFC. You guys are a great community.

Why don't you want to?

[Lathum]

Originally Posted by Stormy58

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't want to get into a backstory, just know that I have been heading in this direction for the last 5 years, with each year getting progressively worse. I've lived a great life and experienced everything I could have ever wanted to experience, short of having grandkids and seeing Texas Tech in a BCS game. Just don't want to do this anymore, so tired ........ tired of being me.

I heard what I needed to hear. Knew it deep down, just needed somebody to tell me to write them. DO NOT WANT TO, but you guys are right. Thanks FOFC. You guys are a great community.

Still time for a lot of that

[DaddyTorgo]

Exactly - if you have 2 kids in their 20's you still have plenty of time for grandkids (either biological or adopted if necessary).

[Matthean]

Let's say one of the two kids is a daughter, who is single. You seriously don't want to give your daughter away at her wedding? Or be there for any possible wedding? Or birth of your grand kids? It's times like these where I'm glad I'm a Christian. I can always think of something else that needs to be done. Not that I'm good at it , but there's always more to do. It is better for me to pass on to the next life, but I yet I remain here due to the great commission. (horribly paraphrasing that)

[RainMaker]

Definitely write them. Not sure why you're considering it though. Suicide is pretty tough for families to deal with, and since it seems like you could give a shit about your family, I don't know why you'd care what they think.

[DanGarion]

Have a beer and walk it off, suicide is the end for you but it's the beginning of suffering for your family. Only a selfish prick would cause this type of suffering for their family.

[MacroGuru]

Originally Posted by Stormy58

Just don't want to do this anymore, so tired ........ tired of being me.

Hey bud,

Who doesn't? Hell I am 36, wore out, tired and life has dealt me a rash of bullshit the past year that would have driven any sane man crazy....

I just keep on swimming!

Listen, that feeling goes away once you get out and do things...make life mean something for you.

You have been worrying about others all your life you probably never stopped to worry about you...it's that time...spoil yourself, get out, enjoy it...go fishing, go golf....but do something you enjoy, remember...it is worth it..

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

Hey bud,

Who doesn't? Hell I am 36, wore out, tired and life has dealt me a rash of bullshit the past year that would have driven any sane man crazy....

I just keep on swimming!

Listen, that feeling goes away once you get out and do things...make life mean something for you.

You have been worrying about others all your life you probably never stopped to worry about you...it's that time...spoil yourself, get out, enjoy it...go fishing, go golf....but do something you enjoy, remember...it is worth it..

Seriously. Macro's had quite the shitty year. Bad situation with his ex.

As have a lot of other guys - particularly with crazy ex-wives. It's definitely horrible, and draining, and I'm sure in this economy if you lose your job that only compounds things and can make it worse for sure, but it's never actually as bad as it looks when you're down in the weeds in the middle of it. You gotta step back away from it - and I don't mean end it. I mean take a vacation or physically just get away from it, even if it's a hotel room in the next town over for a day, to just clear your head and get a fresh view.

[Chief Rum]

Even in the best of times, I see suicide as being selfish and cowardly.

On this day, just after my mom has passed, I find it particularly troubling. You wish to give your life away. My mom just died fighting for every inch left of hers. I wish she could just take the rest of your life, but that's not how it works.

Reconsider.

[SackAttack]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

Even in the best of times, I see suicide as being selfish and cowardly.

On this day, just after my mom has passed, I find it particularly troubling. You wish to give your life away. My mom just died fighting for every inch left of hers. I wish she could just take the rest of your life, but that's not how it works.

Reconsider.

Chief speaks words of wisdom.

[thesloppy]

It's easy to get deep in depression and so lost inside yourself that you think you're the only person suffering through these kind of feelings, and that those around you would be better off without you around. I hope this thread gives you some pause regarding both of those thoughts. The title of the thread, and your words within, make me think your decision may not be as final as you'd let on, I'd urge you to consider that part of yourself does not want to die.

My dad shot himself in the head when I was 11, and my mom's and my life thereafter was certainly no fucking picnic. We were most definitely worse off without him in a myriad of ways that were never repaired, forgotten or forgiven, for whatever that is worth. Your kids may be grown, but nobody is adequately prepared for a loved one killing themselves. When you're feeling small it may be easy to understate the effect your death would have on your friends and family, but they won't be better off, they won't ever get over it, and the physical, emotional and financial damage will change their lives for the worse dramatically, immediately, and forever after. Marriages, relationships, jobs and homes may crumble in the wake. Not getting a letter might ease a part of that damage, but might just as well extend the others.

I am so sorry you feel so sad, and I hope you feel better.

[Marc Vaughan]

I'll put a voice in supporting the 'hang in there' - no matter how bad life gets there are glimmers of hope and enjoyment if you look for them.

Often people focus on the bad until it seems larger than it is - take pleasures in the simple good things which exist, look for them instead of concentrating on the negative and life seems brighter imho.

Look at your life and try and work out what you could do to improve it - select something relatively simple which you can control and achieve, set out and achieve it - then set yourself another goal ... repeat until things seem better.

I've always found that making plans of things to aim towards helps keep me positive and motivated, you might find something different to help you - but I hope you do find some way towards happiness.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Stormy58

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't want to get into a backstory, just know that I have been heading in this direction for the last 5 years, with each year getting progressively worse. I've lived a great life and experienced everything I could have ever wanted to experience, short of having grandkids and seeing Texas Tech in a BCS game. Just don't want to do this anymore, so tired ........ tired of being me.

I heard what I needed to hear. Knew it deep down, just needed somebody to tell me to write them. DO NOT WANT TO, but you guys are right. Thanks FOFC. You guys are a great community.

If you're tired of being you, try being someone else? A midlife crisis is better than suicide any day.

But hey, if you're going to write a letter, make sure it's a good one and take your time writing it -- like thirty years or so.

[jeff061]

I agree, I don't know the circumstances behind his state of mind, but attacking as selfish is certainly not constructive. Especially not knowing the details. Saying "cowboy up" and/or "don't be selfish" hardly shows the understanding needed to communicate with a person in this position of need.

I don't know why or what brought you to this point and I don't know your relationship with your loved ones, which is why I haven't commented too much. But there are people in this thread that have been on the edge, I would recommend at least talking with them privately.

You don't need to necessarily go in with the idea of changing your mind. Just discuss things, maybe you have thought over everything and know exactly what you are doing. But it can't hurt to see if there is anything to be gained by talking to someone who has been where you are. Make sure you have all the information before making that decision.

[JediKooter]

Stormy. My aunt committed suicide on New Years eve. Yes, she had her problems, most of them self induced. Regardless of any of that, I wish she was still here. No matter how bad you think things are (and if you've committed no crime or you have no terminal illness), things can get better. They don't get better over night though and requires patience. You may think no one cares about you, but, you are wrong. I may not know you, but, I care.

If this isn't a prank, talk to a professional first, please.

[AmandaT]

You have no idea how much I need my dad in my life. I know you are in pain, I am too... Let's work through it together, I can't do it alone. This would scar me and Tan for life, we would NEVER be the same. You know I have walked this EXACT same road and you were there for me, let me be there for you. I miss my dad, please just talk to me. I love you more than life.

[Ben E Lou]

ALL:

This is no joke. I found his identity last night and where he lived, and contacted the local authorities in the town he lives and in the town he was/is visiting. Cuervo and I then teamed up and were able to find and contact his family.

[MJ4H]

Thanks Ben. Good work and hope everything turns out for the best on this.

[Lathum]

Amazing job Ben and Cuervo, if you need anything from me please let me know, I wouild be more than happy to chat via AIM with Stormy on the effects this has on loved ones.

[Passacaglia]

Originally Posted by Lathum

Amazing job Ben and Cuervo, if you need anything from me please let me know

+1

[Ben E Lou]

Brad, we have gone to great lengths to find you and your family. Why? Because you matter. You matter to them, you matter to me, and you matter to God. Don't do this to Amanda. Your girl needs her daddy.

Closing the thread.

[Ben E Lou]

Oh, and one thing, should the original poster or one of his family members request that I re-open the thread, I most certainly will. If you need an outlet, that's absolutely ok here. Just let me know.