 |
02-18-2003, 06:51 PM
|
#1 | ||
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Godzilla Blitz's "Poop on the Golden Helmets Challenge (A TCY Dynasty?)"
As a public service, I am reposting Godzilla Blitz's Golden Helmets threads before the old board dies for good. They are a national treasure here at FOFC, and since GB himself is busy with his thesis, I decided to take on the assignment using my alias to avoid pushing my average number of posts per day any higher...
Without further ado, here it is. Enjoy! - Kodos List of threads: Year 1 Year 2 Year 3 Year 4 _____________________  _____________________ Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: Welcome Notre Dame fans! Buc made a post about everybody taking a cruddy team and trying to turn them into champions. Well, that got me thinking, and since my Umass career is on hold while I wait for a patch, I thought I would try a new, quick dynasty that tries to do the opposite. This is going to be simple challenge, but I will need a set of house rules to keep interesting. I may add to these as I go along, but for now… My house rules 1. I cannot cut anybody. I call this the kindergarten rule. Everybody who wants to play can. 2. I have to use all my extra time blocks. This is called my government workers rule. You don’t have to do anything useful, but you have to pretend to work. 3. I can only switch two positions a year. I call this my “only switch two positions a year” rule. 4. I can set no time management factor to greater than 35% and no less than 10%. I have no idea what to call this rule. 5. I have to use my scout recommendations for starting lineups, play selection, etc. This is called my “It’s tempting, but I can’t screw them over too fast rule”. 6. I have to offer scholarships in the first week of recruiting to all players that idolize Notre Dame. 7. I have to try keep a balanced roster position-wise. This is called my “Even though I want to recruit 16 punters, I can’t” rule. Ok, there you have it. Time to get started. And for all those out there that are Notre Dame fans, I hope this keeps you happy for a while. You’re gonna love this, I can promise you that! Go Fighting Irish! Yee haw! Oh yes! I almost forgot! My goals! How silly of me! Well, it’s very simple, fans. How quickly can I turn Notre Dame into the 125th ranked team in the nation! Yes, that’s right! All you out there struggling to reach the #1 ranking have got it easy. Given these restrictive house rules, how can I ever I am going to manage this feat! I call this my “Poop on the Golden Helmets” Challenge. Oh, boy, am I gonna make a lot of friends here… Anyway, enough babble. Off we go… Last edited by Co-D'ohs : 05-07-2015 at 09:43 AM. |
||
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:53 PM
|
#2 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Here is our 2001 Roster. Yikes! Notre Dame Roster, Scout Overview Comments Damn. We are good! This is gonna be tougher than I thought. Look at these guys. They are just all primped and ready to go. Butch Landdeck, one of our QB’s, is clearly a problem. Young, talented, and smart as all hell. Oh wait! That’s right. I can use one of my position switches. What’s that, Butch? You want to be a defensive tackle? No problem! Be my guest. Oh, wait. Can’t do that. Can’t make a QB into a DT. Let’s see. Here we are. ILB should do the trick! Aaargh! What gives? He’s now this: Landdeck, Butch 2 ILB So 43 99 Still a 99 potential!!! What a waste of a position change. I need to be more careful with how I use those. Enough of that. I’ll save the other one for a more crucial event. Let's move on. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:54 PM
|
#3 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Preseason Ok, time for time management. Let’s try a 35% for team practice time. All work and no play makes Johnny a…, well, we’ll find out, won’t we! And this team is too happy, preppy, and Corvetty for me. 10% free time should fix that! Let’s see what happens to these Catholic boys when we cut out their sex time. Pope says they can’t do it by themselves so I would think this will turn the clubhouse atmosphere a little bit gnarly. He he. This is fun. That’s right, back on the field guys! Har! And let me think here. Kickers, QB’s, and other back positions clearly need lots of weightlifting time. Need to burn off all those excess hormones that won’t be using up with Gertrude any more. Or are they pheromes? Or gnomes? Oh, whatever. Into the weightroom you go. And you linemen over there. Time to hit the football books. No weights for you! Get your butts in the library. Now, let’s see, I have to be careful with study time. Too little study time and we’ll get lots of academic ineligibility, which in itself is a good thing, but if a lot of players drop out of school, I’ll be getting walk-ons, and those players will be a lot better than the recruits I’m planning on getting, so I have to play this carefully. 10% sounds about good for now. I can always adjust things next year. That golden dome wasn’t built in a day. I sure can’t tear it down in one season either. Ok, that takes forever and my clicking finger is tired, but now we’re ready to start our first week of recruiting. Damn! How time flies! It’s after five! Another productive workday all finished. Time to go out and play with the wife. But don’t worry folks, I’ll be back sooner than you think. Look back here later for… Recruiting the Notre Dame Way And… The 2001 Notre Dame March to Glory season week by week… coming soon to a FOFC board near you. Go Irish!!!!!! Yee haw!!! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:56 PM
|
#4 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Marmel:
 quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: 3. I can only switch two positions a year. I call this my “only switch two positions a year” rule. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the best dynasty thread I have ever read. Ever. Quiksand, are you reading? You have competition as the kind of dynasty threads. Did I mention ever? Ever. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:58 PM
|
#5 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by SplitPersonality1:
GB, You and Kodos are raising the bar for all of us would-be dynasty makers. This is great stuff. Now I have a choice. Good, "serious" dynasty thread - I read Quiksand & SkyDog. Good "not-so serious" thread - I read this one and the "Don't Mess with Texas" threads. Keep up the good work! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:58 PM
|
#6 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
We’re back! Not only that but there are fans in the house! Two! If you build it they will come! Such pressure! Lucky this is Notre Dame; we thrive on stuff like this. But can the ultimate prize be achieved? I just took a look at our prestige—it’s a 93! We’re the 8th most prestigious school in the country, and we have 117 schools to climb over to reach our goal. So far to descend! Academically we are 13th in the nation! Again, more than 100 schools sit underneath us. This road looks tougher than I originally thought. I expect this first year to be disastrous. But off we go, bounding confidently to oblivion... |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 06:59 PM
|
#7 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 1 Recruiting We’ve got an off week, so it’s time to hit the recruiting trail! I’m nervous here. I bet there are some good players that idolize us. I take a peek at the recruiting screen… Luck and joy! Five players idolize us and only one of them is any good. Whew! Dodged that bullet. There is an ILB rated 40 by my scout and he looks like he will be the cream of the crop. Then there is this 3.5 student with good test scores but he only ranks a 5 on ability! Come on down! Join the fold! You can party with us! Everyone else is somewhere in the middle of that range. There is a QB who is rated a 17 by my scout. Shouldn’t be a threat, but these double digit guys make me nervous. I offer all these sheep scholarships via phone. Baaaaa. Come to papa. I’ll let you share in the glory that is the Dame! We continue by scouring the recruiting boards in search of our ideal candidate. Something around a 2.5 GPA, 900 SAT, and abilities in the 1-5 range. Too dumb and they’ll flunk out and we’ll get some of those high quality walkons. We work our way through the recruits in week 1, and make calls to just about one person at each position. TE is slim pickings; all the lousy football players are real smart. We have to settle for J.R Ferrari, a nice preppy name, who has an ability of 6+ and academics in the right range. He loves us though. We are so popular! We find a real winner though in RB Devin Littleton out of West Springfield High in Virginia (any fans out there from this school?). Devin gets a perfect 0 by my scout, has a GPA of 2.60 and a SAT of 976. This guy is poetry in motion. He’s only got one defect--I think he is better than my scout indicated. Better than a zero? Does that mean I saw him breathe? I’ll still take him though. Here, kid, have a free ride to the Dame! Just don’t expect to get laid while you’re here, ok? Har! I just thought of something. Can I bribe? I forgot all about that! I say yes. Hey, Devin, have some coke. Here you go. That’s right, the first time’s free. What? He won’t take it because he hasn’t decided to visit my school? What kind of bs is this? Drats, frustrated again. And get this guy! CB Broderick Hussey, rated 3 by my scout and with the IQ of a door, tells me that he is unhappy that Notre Dame is far away from his home in Lompoc, CA, that he doesn’t like my defensive coordinator, and that playing for UCLA is his dream! YOU HAVE THE ABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD AND YOU BITCH WHEN NOTRE DAME CALLS? Who said recruiting was easy? Well, anyway, we finish up the recruiting with a stellar list of potentials, 8 of whom we offer scholarships to. I’ll post full details later, but for now, trust me, you won’t need a calculator to add up all their scout ratings!  Last edited by Co-D'ohs : 02-18-2003 at 06:59 PM. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:00 PM
|
#8 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 2 Recruiting Frustration, incorporated! The five idolaters (that sure must be spelled wrong!) all decide to visit, and I immediately offer bribes to all five. If I can get sanctioned I should be able to take us out of the bowl picture next year. But no luck here! All five of these kids politely accept my offers of cars, drugs, and women! Not an honest one in the bunch. Oh, that’s right, I keep forgetting. These kids were the ones that idolize Notre Dame. Of course they’ll take the bribes. Who said this isn’t a sim of the real NCAA? Where’s that brickhead Hussey from California? He must be honest. Come visit son, will you, so I can offer you a new PS2 and you can rat on me. We continue tossing out scholarship offers to our top recruits. We’ve now got 16 offers out there, but check this out. Three of the six perfect zero-rated guys didn’t think it was likely that they would accept our offers! This is too funny. I pester these guys with continued phone calls. Of my 16 scholarship offers on the table, I really want these rare perfect zeros. At this point, I think I will take on the added challenge of finding the dumbest hs player in the country and bringing him to Notre Dame. I’ll call this my “Rudy” challenge. If I spend endless extra time with him, can I get him to graduate? That would be a major victory for our GPA. Should take it down a nice chunk. And just where will that dumbest student be? For those of you out there watching at home, could this guy be from your own high school? The search begins… And the winner is… Kyle Stinson, an OT from Sunnydale HS in Phoenix, Arizona! Kyle has a robust 1.80 GPA and a stellar 571 SAT. But wait! He is rated 51 out of 100 by my scout. This clearly disqualifies him. So we’ll go to our runner up. That would be RB Brock Gray out of Weber HS in Ogden, UT. Gray’s SAT scores were identical to those of Stinson, but Gray’s 1.84 GPA was no competition for Stinson’s. However, Gray is only rated a 14 out of 100, which obviously makes him the better choice. Red rover, red rover, come on over! We better go visit this guy in person; clearly this guy would find talking on the phone too challenging. Oh, good. He’s worse than I expected. This is turning out perfectly. Enough of these silly sidetracks. On to the game… Game Whoops. Not till next week. Silly me. Hope I confused my players too. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:01 PM
|
#9 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 3 Recruiting No one accepts? What’s wrong? No email at all. Sigh. I pester my recruits some more, and offer a scholarship to this year’s Rudy Challenge Scholarship Candidate of Choice, Mr. Gray from Utah. Showing the scintillating logic that earned him his 1.84 high school GPA, Gray tells me that he doesn’t think he is likely to accept my offer. That’s what you think. I visit him three more times during the week, and have to reintroduce myself to him each time. I’ll get you yet, you moron. I thought it’s about time I shared with you the youth that will become Notre Dame’s future: 2001 Recruiting Potentials Yes, there is clear talent here. The big weak spot is that ILB Hartman. He’s a respectable student too, so that could be tough to handle. Oh, well. Finally, on to the field… |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:02 PM
|
#10 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Game 1 Pregame Things are really going our way early here. I am starting to believe all these reports about TCY being too easy. With the two bye weeks, we have dropped out of the top 40, and we have drawn #1 Nebraska this week! Unfortunately we are on TV #1 so the world will be watching. Maybe we’ll get blown out. Result This is awful. We beat #1 Nebraska on national tv! Final score 34-24. We took an early 14-3 lead, then let Nebraska tie the game at 17 by returning two interceptions back for TD’s. Things were looking up! But then we mounted two long TD drives that iced the game. Sigh. Our defense is too good. I’m in a bad mood now. I need to do something to cheer me up. I know! Let’s mess with someone’s position. Let’s see. I’ve got four people that make sense to switch. I’ve got to choose carefully, as this is the last thing that I can do to influence my on field performance this year. A mistake here and we could end up national champions! Here they are: RB Rick Floyd. He’s an 87-rated senior that just romped for 181 yards. He is the highest rated player on my team. BUT, there is another back right behind him that is rated a 75, so not much difference if I nuke him. WR Duane Loendorf. The best of our receiving corps, rated an 83. But once again, there are a slew of guys right behind him. 5 catches for 81 yards in our first game. ILB Don Stephens. The clear and away leader of our defensive linebacking corps. Rated an 84, the nearest ILB to him is rated a 57. Only had three tackles against Nebraska though. Or we could nail another QB, starter Rex Dawkins. He’s only rated a 56, and there’s another guy right behind him at 51, but Dawkins numbers (18-23, 336 yards, 2 TD’s, 2 ints) were pretty good for playing against the #1 team. This is proving too tough for me. I know! Let’s let you, the fans, pick the winner! I’ll call this “Why Let Only One Person Have All the Fun?” contest. That’s right. This will be my last post of the day, and I actually have to work during the day tomorrow and go out tomorrow night, so let’s hold a 24-hour vote to determine who gets their position changed! To play the game, respond to this thread with: 1. The name of the player you think should be changed. Write-ins accepted, but please make them from the team roster if you want them to actually count. 2. Some derogatory Notre Dame remark. Votes without a derogatory Notre Dame remark will not count. That’s right, we don’t want any Notre Dame spy fans messing up the quest for ignominy. Come to think of it, we’re probably safe; “derogatory” has more than three syllables so I don’t think Notre Dame fans know what it means. (Notre Dame Fan: “I know what that means! That’s where you go before you get into heaven.” Har!) But in any case write something funny or nasty or tell a joke about Notre Dame if you want your vote to count. Doesn’t have to be creative, but let’s keep it clean. We’re just having some fun after all. Voting closes at midnight, South Bend time, not that I know when that would be. If you are the first to vote, your vote counts double. If you are the only one to vote…well, you can probably figure that one out on your own. Take care not to hang your chad, and see you tomorrow! GO IRISH!!! Yee haw! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:02 PM
|
#11 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by QuitedaberrieS:
Dude this is the funniest stuff I've seen in a long time, you had me in tears laughing so hard. Keep up the bad work!! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:03 PM
|
#12 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Dear Mr. Quackenberry, Although we'll accept your "Keep up the bad work" as a derogatory Notre Dame comment, "Dude" is not one of the possible candidates so your ballot does not count as an official vote. Please revote if you would like to be involved in the contest. Sincerely, The Voting Commissioner. P.S. By chance, are you from Dade County?  |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:04 PM
|
#13 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Alf:
ILB Don Stephens got my vote, which position can you switch him to ? |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:05 PM
|
#14 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by SkyDog:
ILB Don Stephens. Man I hate the Evil Empire. Take 'em down a notch! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:06 PM
|
#15 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by QuikSand:
You know, I saw Don Stephens over on the sidelines trying to take long snaps before practice. You think this guy might look good wearing, say, number 8 and assuming the team's punting duties? |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:07 PM
|
#16 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Vaj:
I've never rooted for someone to hit the playing time bug in their dynasty. Until now |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:08 PM
|
#17 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by DukeRulesMAB:
I also vote for Stephens, and if he is unwilling to do a little punting, I can't think of anything more valuable to a team than a fullback. Oh yeah...and Rudy may not be the worst movie ever, but it is damn close. What a dope. P.S...I hope you remembered to turn firing off. We wouldn't want you to get canned right as you approach the greatest single moment in college football history.  |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:08 PM
|
#18 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by revrew:
Oh, I am ALL over this! Until now I thought Kodos (See Bill Gates challenge) was the only one with significant creativity and humor, but 'Zilla, YOU DA MAN! I've been ROFLOLTNTPMP ! As for switchin' positions, Dawkins and Floyd are Seniors, so you'll only be able to screw them over for one season when you're going to do well, like it or not. This limits the logical choice to Juniors Stephens and Loendorf. If your mediocre QB is doing that well, his receiving choir needs to get knocked down. I know a few sitting on the deep bench will be hurt (wink, wink, darn those hangnails). So that makes Lonedork my vote for the new starting placekicker! As for insulting the gold-leafed sissies from South Bend whose midget mascot is so lame they have to stick "Fighting" in front of it's name (what's next, the West Nebraska "Fighting" Daisies?)...oh, please, please, can I? |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:09 PM
|
#19 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Marmel:
quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz: I visit him three more times during the week, and have to reintroduce myself to him each time. I’ll get you yet, you moron. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I put in my vote for Stephens as well. The only glaring problem I see with this challenge is that you can only bring ND down to #125......in a perfect world we would see them demoted to Division 3 football. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:11 PM
|
#20 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Kodos:
Excellent work, Godzilla. Having finished laying waste to Tokyo, you are now taking down one of the Great Evils of Sport, just as I have undertaken the task of destroying the Cowboys. Fight the good fight and never give up 'til your opponent is vanquished from within! But this is not enough, my friends. There is more evil out there that must be challenged and put to an end. There are Raiders in the west; Cornhuskers in the midwest; Hurricanes and Gators in the south; Yankees in the east. There is World Wrestling all over! Yes, the XFL has been stamped out, but there is still much work to be done. People, we must stand and yell "NO MORE" from the tops of the mountains so all can hear! I know you are scared men (and women?), but who here would, many years from now on their deathbed, give back every day between then and now, for just one chance to come back here and fight against these oppressors of humanity?!? Who will be strong and stand with me and Godzilla and fight for their freedom?!?!? JOIN US! FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT (OR THE BAD FIGHT LIKE GODZILLA)!!! FIGHT! FIGHT NOW!!! FIGHT FOR OUR FREEDOM!!!! **paints face like Braveheart** FREEDOM!!!! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:12 PM
|
#21 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by revrew:
Excellent reply, Kodos. I am in awe as these two great juggernauts of creative energy duke it out. Kodos and Zilla get double ESPYs for Sports Game Writer of the Year. Though I apologize to Darkiller and other 49er fans, the two teams I loathe most in the NFL are San Fran and Oakland. Hmm ... do you 'spose I can plant a team in San Jose and drive them both out of town? Moo ha ha (he laughs in thunderously wicked tones) moo ha ha ... |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:13 PM
|
#22 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Buccaneer:
This is great!  |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:14 PM
|
#23 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by scooper:
Zilla, I am a die-hard Notre Dame fan. I grew up watching them and will always be a fan. Even through this Davie Era. Notre Dame is a strange team. If you don't love them, you hate them. I'm a realist. ND is the most loved and most hated team in the country. Many ND fans (I hope I'm not included) are quite obnoxious in believing the program is still the pinacle of college football. I believe that is what makes me a good fan: I know they are not now on top (but may be again someday) but I remain a rabid fan. All of that said, this is the funniest dynasty I've ever read. I will read with interest. I hope you fail but have fun none the less. To any other Irish fans that may reply-relax, it's just a game. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:15 PM
|
#24 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Back again! And boy has a lot happened over the past 24 hours! I see we’ve made quite a bit of progress while I was gone. Where to start? There is so much to do, and as you shall soon learn, perhaps so little time to do it in! First, thanks for all those to voted in the “Why Let One Person Have All the Fun” contest. Not only did we get record voting for this year’s contest, we were honored by visits from SkyDog, Quiksand, and other long-time FOF vets! And we will need them, for I bring a tiding of bad news. Yes, this could be worse news than our national tv thrashing of Nebraska last week. You see, when I started this dynasty, I didn’t think about something that Dukeman brought up in his post: Did I select the “No Hirings/Firings” option at the start of the game? Well, the obvious strategic move would have been to opt for “no” firings/hirings, but alas, I did not think on such a small scale when I started this grand venture. When one sets out on a journey to the orient, do you think to bring toilet paper? No! Of course not. And neither did I. But instead of forgetting my toilet paper, I may have forgotten my passport, as to the best of my knowledge, I did NOT select the “no hirings/firings” option. For all you real Notre Dame fans out there struggling with that double negative, I’ll save you a few hours of confusion: I can get fired for bad performance! So a dark pall has settled over the Notre Dame coaching offices on the realization that an ominous sword of Damicles is hanging over our majestic voyage’s head. But hey, don’t get down kiddies; it wouldn’t be any fun if it were easy. Danger adds an edge to it all, and we may yet achieve the ultimate prize if the good god Gindin is on our side. And as that guy said in Animal House, “Did the Americans stop when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? NO!” God help us though if we win the national championship this year; that would really justify firing me if we fall much in the following years. But enough of the negative waves, Moriarty! Thanks for all the support out there! Did you all notice who’s in the house? That’s right, that father of all anti-sims, Kodos! I feel like John the Baptist at the river! Thanks for the blessing Kodos; we’ll fight the good fight! And we are going to need everybody’s help, as we are badly outnumbered right now. I took a quick look at the season ticket sales for this year, and the news is not good. Notre Dame sold 80,000 SEASON tickets this year for 80,000 seats in the stadium. What sillyness is that? I figure we’ve got about ten fans helping out now. Add in Scooper to the darkside and that means we’re outnumbered 80,001 to 10. So make lots of noise, rub your ju ju beads, and let’s get it on! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:16 PM
|
#25 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 4 First, the results of the contest. Pretty easy to see Mr. Stephens has the moral majority. Let’s take care of him first. Mr. Stephens, could I talk to you for a minute? How do you feel about punting? Har! And here’s the #13 shirt while you’re at it. There you go. Little small for you? Try washing it. Giggle giggle. The new and improved P Don Stephens: Kicking power: 0/0 Punts Returned: 0/0 Punts Inside Twenty: 0/0 Ew! That’s gotta hurt. Too bad for Mr. Stephens. I guess he was a better linebacker. Oh well. His scout ratings are still high (83/84), but my guess is it will take him about 7 years to develop into a good punter. By that time he should be married, with kids, working as a burger flipper at McDonalds. You weren’t thinking about going pro, were you Don? Har! There, don’t we all feel better now? Great choice guys! And for even more good news, you remember that QB, Butch Landdeck, that we made into a ILB? Well, looks like he didn’t make the transition all that well, as he got hurt in his first game. Too bad there, Butch, we feel terrible. Out 7 weeks with a severe wrist sprain. Well, at least he claims it happened during the game. I wonder if the lack of a girlfriend and free time has led Butch to ignore his Pope’s admonition on spilling the sacred secretion. Severe wrist sprain sounds a bit suspicious to me. If we start getting a high number of groin pulls I’ll be even more skeptical of what’s happening during the 10% free time the guys have got. All in all I’d say we are doing pretty well. The seeds of destruction are starting to sprout. He he. Lastly, we get an email that Isaac Keck, a solid junior TE, wants a scholarship. This is a tricky call. Let me think. How about no? Pay your tuition just like all the other walkons there, Isaac. And wipe that smile of your face. Recruiting Not much movement, but we get one one of our perfect zeros to come visit, DT Jimmy Jamison from Gas City, IN, will be making the rounds at some point in the future. Gas City? This place really exists? Would you admit you came from there? I immediately offer him a bribe, and…he accepts. Damn all these corrupt high school kids. Where can a coach find an honest kid? Still no movement from Brock Gray, our Rudy candidate. I’m sure it takes him a loooong while to make up his mind. Otherwise, I find some nice, dumb, safeties and a couple of zero quarterback candidates and add them to the list. I want to make sure I have a nice balance of positions so that I avoid walkons. While they would be nice now, they could really screw things up later in our adventure. Game 2 Pregame We’re two-point favorites and ranked #6 going into this game with 0-1 Purdue (don’t they make chickens?). Time to bite the bullet. It will only hurt for a while. Bear with us, all of you out there watching at home, as this first year of the rebuilding process will have quite a bit of pain. My guess is this will be another hurt. The Result Score one for the good guys! Purdue 34, Notre Dame 28! We lost! The defense looked notably weaker without Stephens in there plugging up the middle! Whew! That should take away the threat of a national title! There is hope! And get this. The computer seems to select the starters based on overall potential, so guess who got to punt? That’s right! Your friend and mine, Mr. Stephens! Here’s how he did: 3 punts, 97 yards, 32.2 avg., longest 39. Actually, not that bad for a stud linebacker, but markedly worse than our real punter. Hopefully he will go even further downhill as the year moves on. But the coaching staff is delirious! Things were nip and tuck there for a while; we were tied at the half at 13. But Purdue managed to put in two TD’s in the 3rd quarter to pick up a lead we could not overcome. What a great day. Let’s all sing that Notre Dame fight song together! And next week we get our first grade reports. Yes, things are looking up! But the road is still a long one. We have to stay focused on the task. #124 is not good enough. We are looking for total perfection, and will settle for nothing less. Have to beware against getting lackadaisical. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:17 PM
|
#26 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 5 Report card time, kiddies. Let’s see, how did we all do? I take a look at the academic report… Only one E? Everyone else is passing? Huh? With 10% study time? One RB is in danger of academic disaster, but otherwise all the students are passing. Well, it’s early. Maybe they will get worse as the season goes on. Only a minor setback here. Take a deep breath, move on. I’ll hold back on the extra time blocks right now, maybe save them all for the end of the year. No help for the troops now. They look busy enough as it is with 3.5 hours of practice, followed by 3.5 hours of weightlifting each day. He he. I would just make them more miserable if we gave them extra help with their classes. Teach them independence, I say. We get some good news though as we get our first walkon! And he is a winner! An OT that has a potential of 17! Our first spot of blue on an otherwise yellow and red roster screen. Great stuff! Only problem is that he is smart (91/91). Yikes! But still, he is clearly a cut above the rest of the team. I wonder if he will ever start. Remember this name folks, Morris Ramirez. He is where it all begins! The first chink in the armor. Recruiting Making progress, as we get a lot more visitors coming! Three of these are the perfect zeros that we covet. RB Gray is still thinking… I make some more contacts and offer visits to other attractive candidates. I don’t offer scholarships to these new guys; I just let them know I love ‘em. I continue to harass those that I covet. Game 3 Pregame. We are working our way down. We’re now ranked #35, and play #43 West Michigan this week. Unfortunately, we had no injuries last week, and we are 14-point favorites. Off we go… The result Damn those West Michigan idiots. The score is tied, 24-24, they have the ball on our 15 or so. 4th down and 2. 10 seconds left. So what do they do? They go for it!!!! They make the first down, but the clock runs out. What morons! Remind me to hire their offensive coordinator in the offseason. He can help our quest bigtime. Sadly, we go on to win in OT 44-41. I tell you though, making Stephens the punter was a pure stroke of genius. Those of you out there that suggested it, give yourself a big pat on the back and have some milk and cookies. He could get MVL (most valuable loser) award at the end of the year! Just listen to what he did for us. Trapped deep in our own end, he booms a 21-yard punt that gives West Michigan the ball on our 25. They romp in for a quick TD! Then, with us leading by 7 in the 4th quarter, Stephens cracks another blast, a 31-yarder with no hang time, that the Purdue guy grabs and runs back for a 91-yard TD return! Another 7 points! This guy is wonderful! Just by himself he is responsible for a 14-point swing! And to think, he was at the forefront of the darkside just a mere two weeks ago. This really sends a message to all you out there struggling in life. Great things can happen if you get your ducks in a row and start fighting for the force. On a minor down note, walkon OT Ramirez doesn’t get into the game. Record 2-1. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:17 PM
|
#27 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 6 I get a couple more emails from disgruntled players requesting scholarships. Whoops. Did I mean to hit that delete button? What were those guys names? Seems I have forgotten. Could it have been walkon OT Morris Ramirez? I bet it was. Here, Morris, have a free ride! Gosh, he looks happy. I get such a warm, tingling feeling when I make people happy. Recruiting It has happened! Our first recruit. He’s not perfect: one of those idoldaters, 5+, and smart. But another small step in the right direction. We’re getting more visitors now too. I continue to push drugs, sex, and gambling onto all of them when finally, ode to joy, it happens! This safety named Beethoven (with a name like that, I wish I could have gotten him, but alas, he’s gone now) gets all huffy at my bribe! An honest man. Way to go Beethoven! He reports us to his coaches; they tell the investigators! We’re in so much trouble. Mom’s gonna be ticked now! Maybe no bowl bid next year. Such a pity. I better back off a bit here now though. Don’t know if this stuff could increase the likelihood of getting me fired. Losing a bowl bid would be a battle won, but if it gets me fired and costs us the final prize, well, that would be just downright frivolous of us, wouldn’t it? I’ll keep all the drugs and women to myself for a while now. Oh, and yes, Mr. Gray is still thinking our offer over. Not that anyone else wants him. Truly, he is showing all the signs of a top Rudy Scholarship candidate. “Um, let’s see. I have an offer for a free ride to Notre Dame. Or I could go to, let’s see, um, nowhere else. Oh, what should I do?” He is now going on his fourth week of this. Truly impressive. But don’t wait too long there, Brock, or we’ll be forced to go find another candidate. Only so many pens in the barn. Maybe we’ll make it a competition next year. I’ll find the best three candidates, offer them all scholarships in the first week, and the LAST one to accepts gets the award. That should add a twist to the whole thing. Wouldn’t want the Rudy Scholarship to go unawarded too many years in a row. I pester my recruits some more. I call the Curtis Parson, a safety from Moriarty, NM, eight times. Digital simpleton that he is, he thanks me each time. God, I love this game! Game 4 Pregame This is another big one: Texas A&M, ranked #8 and 7-point favorites. We’ve climbed back up to #24. Guess who’s back? ILB Landdeck. Remember him? The QB made ILB that sprained his wrist against Nebraska? Well, he’s the backup ILB now. Listed as doubtful, but all suited up with a nice clean gold helmet. The Result Share a dance with the one you love, cuz we got our butts handed to us: 38-8! Our second loss! This one was sheer perfection, as we were never in it at all. Well, we did threaten to make it a game at one point. Down 16-0, we’re driving for a score when senior WR Beeston catches a pass and rumbles deep into Aggie territory. But maybe he’s a bit tired from all that lifting, I don’t know, because he coughs the ball up to an Aggie defender who takes it 80 something yards for the score! For that clutch play we award Beeston today’s Marmel Game Ball. Way to go Beesty! We love you! On a down note, Landdeck didn’t get hurt again, and Stephens had a respectable 37-yard average on 5 punts. Record 2-2 Well, it’s about that time again. All in all we’ve made remarkable progress today. But remember, if we are going to get the #125 ranking, we are most likely going to need to lose all our games! Nothing can stop us. One win and the quest is probably ruined. So we have a long way to go before we descend to the ranks of the Troy States and the Baylors of this world. And the entire SCE conference lies in our path. We cannot afford to get complacent. Perfection takes hard work. See you soon! We’ll be back before you know it! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:18 PM
|
#28 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 7 Once again I bring news. This time it is only good. I looked over some stats after the last game, and what did I notice? That’s right! The playing time bug! Our defensive coordinator is refusing to let DT’s, OLB’s, and safeties into the game. Needless to say they are a bit disgruntled about the lack of playing time. But what better chance for this team to build character? To become strong in the face of adversary? To grow as a unit? So out with any thought of waiting for some wimpy patch. We shall drive on! Recruiting A couple more idolaters join the fold. Of the five players that idolize us, three of them are ILB’s. With my house rule stating that I have to offer them scholarship, and with two of them already accepting, the house rule about balancing positions kicks in and I revoke a scholarship offer to very talented 1+ rated ILB. Hate to let him go. We stop looking for more recruits and burn our phone calls and visits on some players that we have targeted for visits but not offered scholarships to. I don’t know if the game draws these players on as walkons later in the game so I want to get a few people on the list that I haven’t offered scholarships to, but really stink. And yes, Brock Gray is still thinking… Game 5 Pregame Ranked #33, we are seven-point favorites over #41 Pittsburg. We have only four players on the injured list. Maybe it would make more sense to go back to the prepatch version so I can hurt more of them. Result Nothing good here at all. Down 28-17 at the half, we rally for 23 unanswered second half points to win going away, 40-28. We rushed for 395 yards, of which senior RB Floyd had 190. Thank god he is graduating; the guy is unstoppable. He’s got 732 yards in 5 games so far. No injuries to anyone either. Sigh. The only bright spot was that fan favorite Stephens allowed another punt to be run back for a touchdown. He just can’t do it all by himself, though. I wish there was a way I could figure out to get Floyd hurt. Record 3-2 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:19 PM
|
#29 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 8 One of the things I realized is that the playing time bug is affecting teams we play against as well. No wonder RB Floyd is getting so many yards: he’s cheating! Recruiting All five of the idolaters are on board now, which is unfortunate as they are the more higher ranked recruits on our list. That leaves us room for only 11 others. Rudy candidate Brock Gray is coming to town! Yes, after six long weeks of thinking, Gray has decided to make the trip to South Bend. I wonder if he can fly unsupervised. I better go get him. Just for the hell of it, I call him ten times and visit him eight times. I love spending Notre Dame’s money. Game 6 Pregame We’ve slid back up to #22. This week’s matchup is #47 West Virginia. We are 12-point favorites. Result Another down day as we roll 41-14 over West Virginia. Sigh. WR Lonedork gets a TD pass and 116 yards receiving, RB Floyd gets 132, and even Stephens hit a coffin corner kick that pinned West Virginia at the one. The coaching staff is glum and hopes of a sub-.500 season are fading. Report cards next week though. Maybe they will bring some bright news! Record 4-2 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:20 PM
|
#30 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 9 We do get some good news from last week’s debacle. Starting DE Wendell Goodwin goes out for 28 weeks with a high ankle sprain. This is our biggest injury to date! The coaching staff celebrates with a shot of tequila. Report card time once again. Let’s see how the team is responding to our time management strategy. We’re hoping for improvement over last quarter, where we only had one student failing a class. Now that the season has moved along, there should be more late homework assignments, missed tests, etc. We take a look… Only two students failing! One of them is freshman Ryan Butler, a talented freshman, so that is nice to see. But the other is just a senior backup QB. How useless is that? Well, at least he may not get a degree. If things go right here, I intend to be supplying McDonald’s with lots of Notre Dame dropouts, and backup QB Julio Kiluk could be the first. He was so close too. Just one more year to go. Ok, I feel a little better now. Ok, I’ve got to start using up some of those 42 blocks of time management I’ve got available. The least effective strategy I can think of is to give them to seniors who are going to pass anyway, so I assign about half of the blocks to these lucky few. Sorry all you dummies with D’s; figure out your homework on your own. You’re not in grade school anymore. Recruiting No one new! What does it take to get these guys? I wonder if I should go bribe Brock Gray? Is he honest? He’s probably too dumb to know what a bribe is. I’ll take a chance… Brock. Meet Candy. She’s a friend of mine who’s a little bored, and we just learned that you have a birthday this year, so we thought the two of you could spend some time together… He accepts! Way to go Gray! Don’t expect any of that next year. I use all of my phone calls and visits on Brock too. Basically I am showering him with love. He is crucial to our plans for next year. We now have visited him 23 times and called him 24. Is there a limit to the usefulness of this? Game 7 Pregame Ok, we need some success on the field. Two wins in a row has got the coaching staff down. We have now risen to #16 and play unranked Southern Cal. Don’t think this is going to be the week. This year is turning out to be the test of wills I thought it might be. Have to keep believing, have to keep believing, have to keep believing… Result Who says God is dead? In what has to be our best team performance to date, we rise to the occasion and get killed by unranked Southern Cal 42-21! There aren’t enough superlatives to describe the effort we put out there today. This game alone has enough material for our whole year’s highlight film. The nice thing about this game is that our points were useless tack on points in the 4th quarter. We were down 35-0 at the end of the third quarter! Some poignant stats: RB Floyd (31 yards on 10 carries, a key fumble to kill our long opening drive), QB Dawkins (5-13, 2 interceptions, one of these for a TD), OT Bensen (3 sacks allowed), P Stephens (7 punts for a 29.1 avg, also a key 15-yard punt from our own three that Southern Cal returned to our 6-yard-line). When there are this many stars you just have to give the team ball to the team leader, in this case QB Dawkins gets the Alf Game Ball for his brilliant performance. His first interception killed a drive early in the game, and his second, returned for a TD to ice the game at 28-0, finished us off. Way to go Dawk! Smiling faces once again abound as we get the badly needed defeat. Things are looking up again. Record 4-3 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:20 PM
|
#31 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 10 Junior Safety Tyrell Lester needs reconstructive knee surgery and will be out for the rest of the year. We send him to our team surgeon in Somalia for the operation. Have a nice trip Ty! LB Landdeck has now completely healed from his wrist sprain. He still doesn’t have a girlfriend though, and his happiness now stands at 7, so we feel good that he is at least miserable all the time. P Stephens is ecstatic with his role though: his happiness stands at 84. This is good, as we definitely want him as our punter next year. Recruiting No news! Nothing! I am starting to get worried. All of our talent is uncommitted, and we are getting into week ten. This is not good. I really hope we get some movement this week. I would hate to get a squad of walkons when we have carefully selected such stars. I will give an update when we get a little further on. Game 8 Pregame We slipped again to #29 and have 4-3 Boston College up this week. Result We played well in the first half, and at one point trailed 10-3. But the second half saw our offense wake up and we proved too much for Boston College, 27-24. BC added a late score to make the game close, but we were in command by the middle of the 4th quarter. Disappointing performance. Record 5-3 Well, it’s that time again. Not such a positive session today. We lost only 1 of 4 games, and have had little success in attracing quality recruits so far. Injuries are sustainable, and our rank still sits at a solid mid-20. All in all though, the year has gone much better than I thought it would. With our opening victory over Nebraska, I feared that we would threaten for the national championship. However, we have rallied with three defeats, which should leave us with a mid-level bowl if we win the rest of our games. There is perhaps even an outside chance that we could lose a bowl bid altogether if we could add a couple more losses in the last few games. The big question mark is the recruiting issue, where our top recruits are still sitting on the fence, waiting for who knows what. Thanks for tuning in! We’ll be back again towards the end of the week. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:21 PM
|
#32 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Passacaglia:
Godzilla, There might be a workaround to your hire/fire option 'problem.' For one, you could try to maximize your ticket revenue -- scheduling powerhouses to beat up on you has the advantage of handing you a loss and filling seats (as well as TV audiences). Also, a Syndicate Coordinator with Excellent fund-raising ability, but Terrible in the others may be in order. Nothing better than fielding an 0-11 Irish team, and getting millions of alumni to pony up money for it! And last, though I hate to tread these waters, you could emphasize academics over performance. While this would do wonders in getting to the bottom of the polls, it may bring a bit too much respest to the school. It's been brought up that coaches may not be getting job offers because they're not paying attention to the other fields besides performance. Perhaps you can avoid getting fired by paying attention to exclusively those fields. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:22 PM
|
#33 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Pass, What great ideas! I was thinking a bit along these lines when I decided to stop bribing everyone, but you have taken it another step. I really like your Syndicate Coordinator idea. Kind of like a Mafia blackmailer? Maybe I can find a nice Italian name. We can call this the "Clueless Vinnie brings in the bucks" strategy. Whoops, is your name Italian? Regarding the fans, I was originally thinking that I would want to empty the stadium, but it was heartening to know that 80,000 Notre Dame fans watched Southern Cal disassemble the team in game 7. Having 80,000 fans watch each week as Notre Dame goes winless is tempting. Tough call here. There is also a revenge factor to consider with the schedule though. I know I want to get another shot at Nebraska next year to avenge our victory this year. How humiliating was that? In a quest for #125, you beat #1! I simply must get revenge. Damn the torpedos. And I think it would be fitting to try and schedule one game with the previous year's #125 team. Give us a good idea of how far we have to go. Although I see your point about sacrificing academic ability to achieve the ultimate prize, I have a tacit agreement with the fast food chains of Indiana to provide them with dropouts. I would just hate to go back on my word. But I see your point. If the quest for #125 looks like it will go longer than 4 or 5 years, it might be a good idea to kick that up as an insurance plan. So many fun things to think about. Life is good. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:22 PM
|
#34 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Bruce - Version 2.0 Beta:
Does anyone else find it funny that GB can't get Brock Gray to commit to Notre Dame, but Skydog gets a top 50 national recruit (and a QB to boot) to go to South Florida? Since both guys are two of the better players on the board, it definitely doesn't have anything to do with skill. Perhaps we don't have as much control over recruiting as we would like to think. BTW GB, has anyone else contacted Gray? |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:23 PM
|
#35 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Syrinx:
Great dynasty. This is the funniest report I've read in quite a while. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:24 PM
|
#36 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Irisheyes:
As a ND alum, I have to make a few corrections on the assumption that you have made. It doenst matter how much free time you give your players or if they have a girlfriend. None of the players are getting any relieve from their long sessions in the weight room from any member of the female student body. The typical ND girl has her legs clinched so tight that Tiffany's harvests this power to turn coal into diamonds. The players have to wander into the Jerry Springer addicted populous of South Bend for any relief. In order to reach your goal of #125. You are going to have to break ND's 33 year dominance over the all powerful men of Navy. It is believed that the Midshipman signed a treaty in 1966 requiring Navy to lose every year. As part of your off season strategy, you need to try to induce transfers of the greatest loser out of the SCE. this might be prime ground to harvest the talent that you are looking for. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:25 PM
|
#37 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Bruce - Version 2.0 Beta:
quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Irisheyes: As part of your off season strategy, you need to try to induce transfers of the greatest loser out of the SCE. this might be prime ground to harvest the talent that you are looking for. That's a great idea! BTW, are you smiling? |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:25 PM
|
#38 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Buccaneer:
Great stuff, keep it up (or down as it may be). |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:26 PM
|
#39 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Lost Generation:
I was thinking that you should work on getting an aweful roster, but at some point you might have to choose a season to try to be the worst. I don't know if simply losing every game will be enough to be ranked 125th. You might have to pick a schedule in which you play some horrible teams... that way your rank plummets faster. You could bring in Nebraska for your tune up game... but after that you would have to face Hawaii or Baylor. You could finish of the season at Kent State in a nail biter to see who is truly the worst. Playing Navy won't hurt either. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:26 PM
|
#40 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Irisheyes:
Have you seen the permenant schedule for Notre Dame in the game. After the first year, ND is in the "independant league" where you play the other six independents (i.e Navy, Troy State, etc.) The other permenent games are Michigan, Purdue, and BC. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:27 PM
|
#41 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Thanks for all the feedback! New and improved Bruce: I have a feeling that the better the player, the earlier they commit. I think I remember Jim mentioning this somewhere in one of the chat sessions. With these players being so low on the totem pole, perhaps they are hardwired to commit later in the process? But to answer your other question, no, Gray isn't being recruiting by anyone else. The other thing that I don't think is a factor, but could be used as a rationalization of these guy's reluctance would be if they are comparing their ability levels to the level of the players on the team. I would never have gone to a Nebraska to play football even if they offered me a scholarship. I would have never played, and gotten my butt kicked all day long in practice. I was more interested in smaller schools where I would have a chance to start. So maybe there is some reverse logic to a crummy player not wanting to go to Notre Dame? Again, I don't think this is coded into the game, but if the game accidentally plays this way I am not sure it is a real problem. Syrinx, Buc: Thanks! I am glad you enjoy it! Irisheyes: LOL! Maybe the girlfriend thing should be reported as a bug to Jim? "When Notre Dame players have girlfriends their happiness goes up. It should be the opposite." Maybe Jim could create a "puts out" rating for each girlfriend, and that influences player happiness? To get really warped (sorry Saints Fan if you read this), each woman could have an ability rating at um, certain things, and we could recruit girlfriends for...I better stop now. I am getting in deep trouble here. As for the enticing transfers out of the worst SCE team, that's a great idea! I have to have a scholarship leftover though, right? Does that mean I have to recruit only 15 players this year to get an extra slot? I know some people have been saying that their extra scholarships are getting automatically distributed to players at the start of the year. If it can be done though, I will give it a try. Wonderful idea! Lost Generation, Irisheyes: I have been thinking about the schedule a bit, and think that you're right in that during a year when we make a serious push at #125, we really must lose to the worst teams we can find, otherwise a winless season might not do the trick. I don't think we could do it next year, but perhaps in our third season it might be possible? I am a bit confused about the schedule though, as the only Indy Conference team we are playing this year is Navy. Shouldn't we play all 6 of the other Independant teams each year? Once again, thanks to all for the feedback. I should have some time to play later today/tomorrow, and will be posting more soon. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:28 PM
|
#42 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 11 Back again… Damn, these students with scholarship requests due to playing time are persistent. How many different ways can I spell NO? Go away! I don’t play TCY to get spammed, so stop it. Go get jobs as telemarketers. That’s gonna be your level of employment once you get done playing for me anyway, so you might as well just start now. Delete. Delete. Pain in the ass underclassmen. Recruiting Still nothing! I would start to get nervous, but I know that the Good God Gindin is on our side, so I fear no evil. I shall trust in his power to bring to us the tools we need for success. Omm. Come to South Bend. Ommm. Come to South Bend. With nothing else to do with Notre Dame’s travel budget, I pester Mr. Gray with visits and phone calls. We’ve now visited him 43 times and called him 44 times. Game 8 Pregame Big game. We’re #25. Tennessee is #29. Should be a good one. The result We give up 383 yards of air offense to Tennessee in another strong 30-14 loss! We fell behind early and were down 20-3 at the half, so this was a comfortable one to watch. A strong performance by QB Dawkings (12-28, 1 int) led us, but it really was a team effort. No real standouts, just lots of people contributing with mediocre to poor performances. Having said that, the first half was a battle of field position, and punter Don Stephens once again came through, consistently shanking kicks to give Tennessee solid field position that allowed them four first half scoring drives. Congratulations, Don, for your play today we present you with the Quiksand Game Ball. Way to go, Don! You wouldn’t have gotten one of those as a linebacker! Record 5-4 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:28 PM
|
#43 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 12 What a wonderful week this is turning out to be! First, the big news… They have felt the calling and they have come! RB Gray is still pondering the meaning of life, but eight recruits, including RB Littleton and TE Ferrari, join our ranks. We will have some talent, I’ll tell you that! Three of our perfect zeros have signed up, and our recruiting class overnight has taken a strong step towards building the kind of team capable of challenging the lowlife teams of TCY. I’ll post a full listing as soon as we fill the final three spots, but this has been a glorious day for Notre Dame football. To ice the cake, we get the kind of walk on I dream about. DE Bob Cantu from Huntington, IN joins us due to some injuries to our DE’s. He is dumb (12/16) and of little talent (6/10). Just perfect for us. His is also getting D’s or worse in 4 of his 5 classes, which is a little too dumb perhaps. With talent like this though, I will spare no expense; I immediately assign him 6 extra study slots to help him with his grades. Welcome to the fold, Bobby! I’ve got big plans for you! And lastly, on yet another upbeat note, ILB Landdeck is back in the news. Bet you thought I forgot about him, and maybe you have too. He was the QB-made-ILB-sprained-his-wrist-for-seven-weeks-got-dumped-by-girlfriend-and-is-unhappy guy? Remember now? Well, he is now the QB-made-ILB-sprained-his-wrist-for-seven-weeks-got-dumped-by-girlfriend-and-is-unhappy-and-sprained-his-wrist-again guy. Yes, that’s right! Butch did it again. This time he will be hurt for four weeks, and is listed as doubtful. I can tell you, he will be going straight to derogatory after he’s done on this earth. No direct bus to heaven for him. Recruiting The big news is above, but there are some notable tactical moves to be made. The big question is what to do about RB Gray. We’ve got only three recruiting spots left, and have offers out to 8 players total. Do I nix 5 other guys to guarantee Gray a spot? Or do I leave it all up to chance. Humm. Nah. Gray is too good of a talent to pass up. I revoke scholarship offers to 5 guys (two of them perfect zeros too) in order to help Gray along. Come on, Gray, it’s not that hard of a decision! Game Off week. We’re ranked #32 with two games to go. Navy’s up next week, and our fans tell us that this is a big one. If we are going to reach our goal, this annual game will be a key loss for us. Right Navy sits second in the conference at 3-5 with three to go, so we really must lose this game for us to have any chance at not finishing first in the Independence Seven. I don’t know how bowl bids work but I imagine we’re bowl bound unless we can manage to blow the last two games, which will be tough. But this team has consistently risen to the occasion in big games, so there is definitely a glimmer of hope. Also, new report cards next week! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:29 PM
|
#44 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 13 Report cards are in and… Aaaargh! Still no change! Kiluk and Butler, the two guys who were failing at the end of last quarter, are still the only two guys failing. We have a slew of guys with low grades in the D range, but we need more failures! Time to burn books. I still have 20 time blocks left so I once again scatter some of these over seniors who are not in danger of failing. Also, I give walkon superstar Cantu 6 full blocks. I am counting on him to see lots of action next year. For our next news, there is an infiltrator in the house. That’s right, some insidious mole has infested our program and changed the time management ratios for 24 of our defensive players. They suddenly have 20% free time, 15% study, 15% football study, and 15% weightlifting. This is not good. These guys might have time to have fun, have off-campus girlfriends, drink a beer. Damn. Who could have done this? Notre Dame fan Scooper (thanks for the post by the way)? Gindin? Stephens? I’ll have to keep my eyes open. This could be a problem if many of these guys stay happy and academically eligible. Recruiting NO CHANGE! Gray is still thinking and nobody decides to accept our scholarship offers. I call and visit Gray a lot just to burn up cash. Game 10 Pregame Navy won last week. They stand at 4-5. We’ve gained two positions in the off week. We’re at #30 and 14-point favorites in today’s game. A loss here would put us tied with Navy for 1st place going into the last week of the season. This would be a huge loss for us! Result Navy sucks. I mean they are horrible. We had no chance against them. It started out positive, as they drove to our 10 before stalling. They missed the ensuing field goal though and from there it was all downhill. Final score Notre Dame 34, Navy 0. RB Floyd goes nuts and we rush for 200 yards total. With this performance goes our hope for avoiding first place, our hope for avoiding a bowl, and our hope for a sub .500 year. Oh well, we’ll get ‘em next year. Record 6-4 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:30 PM
|
#45 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 14 He did it again, folks. ILB Landdeck has aggravated his wrist sprain and his condition is listed as “out” for this week’s game against Stanford! He is now the QB-made-ILB-sprained-his-wrist-for-seven-weeks-got-dumped-by-girlfriend-and-is-unhappy-and-sprained-his-wrist-again-and then-aggravated-it guy. He must go through a lot of tissue. Recruiting We got one more. Dusty Roach, a zero WR from Edward Little High School in Auburn, Maine, has decided to join the Dame. But I apparently have made some kind of a mistake, because he is a 3.80 student with 1500 test scores! How did I do that? I must have clicked on the wrong person. Sigh. At least he can’t play ball. Gray continues his internal deliberations. Game We’re at #28. 4-6 Stanford this week. We are only 1-point favorites in this, our last game. Let’s end the year with a good one, guys! A nice, solid loss to remember over the offseason. Result Sigh. It is not to be. Notre Dame 27, Stanford 14. We led at the half 21-0, and although Stanford shows glimpses of coming back, we couldn’t let them back in the game. Our running game once again went bonkers, rolling up almost 300 yards on the ground. Stanford, on the other hard, played a weak, inconsistent game. Well, that wraps up the regular season for us. Unfortunately, I am sure we’ll be going to a bowl with our 7-4 record. Record 7-4 |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:31 PM
|
#46 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 15 Yes!!!! RB Brock Gray accepts the Rudy Scholarship Award. The stupidest student in the country will be coming to Notre Dame! Looks like my persistence paid off! Let’s go live to the award ceremony press conference… Coach Blitz: Ladies and gentlemen, we welcome you here today to honor the 2001 Rudy Scholarship Winner, Mr. Brock Gray from Weber High School in Ogden, Utah. Brock has accumulated outstanding credentials in nine years of high school—a 1.84 GPA and a solid 571 score on his SAT’s are the highlights of his effort. Not only that, but Brock brings real disability at running back to a squad that badly needs it—we rushed for almost 2200 yards during our 11 regular season games this year. Needless to say, we are looking towards this young man for the future of this fine institution. Brock, welcome to Notre Dame! Brock: Who are you? Coach Blitz: I’m Godzilla Blitz, Brock. Remember me? I visited you 73 times. Anyway, you can call me “Coach” from now on. Brock: Coach? Wow. Cool. That’s a conference. You’ve got the same name as the guy I played for in high school. Why are all these people here? Coach Blitz: Brock, this is the big day! I am holding here the scholarship acceptance form that states Notre Dame will be paying your way for five years of tuition as long as you play football for us. I bet that sounds good, doesn’t it? Brock: More Candy? Coach Blitz: Sure, Brock, once you sign this paper. But tell me, it sure took you a long time to decide on us. Can you tell us what was going through your mind as you thought over this decision for twelve long weeks? Brock: Well, it was really hard cuz all these guys kept visiting me every week. A lot of them looked like you, and they all wanted me to come to Nota Dam. I didn’t know which one to say yes to. In the end though, I said yes to the last person that visited me. Coach Blitz: Good thinking, Brock. You’re gonna fit in well, here. And now for the moment you have all been waiting for. Brock, here’s the paper. And here’s the pen. Sign on the dotted line. Brock: (scribbles furiously) Coach Blitz: Try the other end there Brock. Brock: (writes “x” on line) Crowd: (applause. Camera’s flashing) Coach Blitz/Brock: (shake hands) Coach Blitz: (pulls pen out of palm) Congrats Brock and welcome to our happy family!!!! Brock: Candy? Yes, it is definitely a glorious day here in South Bend! We should hear on our bowl game after this week’s games. Here’s hoping it will be a minor one. We’ve still got one scholarship spot left and have an offer to a perfect zero QB on the board. We’ll wait on that one for now. |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:31 PM
|
#47 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Godzilla Blitz:
Week 16 Big week! First, the class is complete! We get the following email: Ben Lyon, a quarterback from West Valley High School in Hemet, California, has accepted your invitation to play for your school next season. With that our recruiting season ends on what has to be a high note as Ben is another zero, real dumb, and plays the critical QB position. Also, we only got a minor bowl game! We’ll play #23 Missouri as two-point underdogs this week in the Independence Bowl! Off we go… Game Pregame The Independence Bowl. Be nice to end on a loss, especially after our two big wins at the end of the regular season. Result Ugly. Leading by 3 at the half, we roll for 3 unanswered second-half TD's to win in a 30-6 walk. Missouri was no help at all, as they fumbled, chucked interceptions, and failed to convert 3rd downs all day. Sigh. However, we can still look on the bright side, as highly-rated junior CB Ricky Holton got his bells rung big time. He is now suffering from repetitive concussion syndrome and is listed as out for 73 weeks!!! Bye bye. Nice knowing you. Here’s your McDonald’s cap. Final record 8-4 Report cards, recruiting class overview, and final season stats/awards coming soon! Go Irish!!! Yeehaw!!! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:32 PM
|
#48 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Buccaneer:
quote: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Coach Blitz: Sure, Brock, once you sign this paper. But tell me, it sure took you a long time to decide on us. Can you tell us what was going through your mind as you thought over this decision for twelve long weeks? Brock: Well, it was really hard cuz all these guys kept visiting me every week. A lot of them looked like you, and they all wanted me to come to Nota Dam. I didn’t know which one to say yes to. In the end though, I said yes to the last person that visited me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ That was one of the funniest things I've read in this forum in quite a while. Keep up the bad work! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:33 PM
|
#49 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Kodos:
Godzilla, you are bringing dynasty threads to a new low - Congratulations! |
|
|
|
|
02-18-2003, 07:34 PM
|
#50 |
|
H.S. Freshman Team
Join Date: Jan 2003
|
Originally posted by Lost Generation:
And lastly, on yet another upbeat note, ILB Landdeck is back in the news. Bet you thought I forgot about him, and maybe you have too. He was the QB-made-ILB-sprained-his-wrist-for-seven-weeks-got-dumped-by-girlfriend-and-is-unhappy guy? Remember now? Well, he is now the QB-made-ILB-sprained-his-wrist-for-seven-weeks-got-dumped-by-girlfriend-and-is-unhappy-and-sprained-his-wrist-again guy. Yes, that’s right! Butch did it again. This time he will be hurt for four weeks, and is listed as doubtful. I can tell you, he will be going straight to derogatory after he’s done on this earth. No direct bus to heaven for him. Derogatory... I don't know what catholics you hang out with... but the ones that I hang out with are all going to Purgatory... outside of that keep up the funny stuff... |
|
|
|
 |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
|
|
