So my neighbor is a child molester....

[SteveMax58]

Just found out today that my next door neighbor was arrested for "Course of sexual conduct against a child, first-degree" as well as a host of similar secondary charges. It was in the newspaper today & one of our other neighbors called my wife this morning and essentially couldn't even tell her on the phone & asked her to come over. She showed my wife the newspaper & there it was.

Needless to say, its about as disturbing a revelation as you can have about somebody. This is the guy most of the other neighbors thought was a weird one so it isn't quite a shock because he seemed like a great guy or anything...just not the type of thing you tend to think of people unless you have a reason.

Based on the description of the offense, we assume it is likely his own daughter who I believe is 6. He also has a teenage step-daughter & the mother (of both girls) is also there. They moved in about a year & a half ago and we had actually spent time with them initially until, what we called the "weirdness", started.

Long story short (which I may elaborate on later), we have not spoken to or acknowledged each other in about a year. Quite literally, the weirdest thing I have ever seen. We called it the Cold War. To be honest, I preferred it that way as I had some serious concerns over the mental stability of these people. Unfortunately, their daughters (who we liked, and they both really adored my wife & boys) were a bit of a casualty in that Cold War and we had real difficulty grasping how to explain that "their father doesn't want her to play with you".

Many of our other neighbors also found the guy (and his wife, to an extent) to be a strange one as well & a few had some strange encounters (such as him yelling at somebody's kid coming off the bus). These people were extremely isolated regarding their kids & themselves with that 1 exception. Lots of missing details there but there are a number of things that lead one to that conclusion. Because of the Cold War...my wife hasn't felt it to be her place to go over & talk to the wife.

And while I was fairly certain this guy was a mental case, and might very well go off the deep end one day...maybe hurt his wife, attack a neighbor (I feared for my wife), kill somebody's dog...I never thought he was a child molester. Just seeing that charge, and thinking about his (public) actions over the past year +, it seems to make sense of the "weirdness" we had always been so baffled by. We couldn't even fathom why this little girl always seems to be making a "jailbreak" to get out of there (we had actually joked about that in the past...obviously never occurred to us or we were too dense to put 2+2 together) as we had assumed they paid her no attention. We couldn't understand why this guy was so hyper-protective of his daughter, as we just assumed it was overcompensating for some other shortcoming. We had thought a lot of things but I have to say, I never thought that.

Lots of things going through our heads today about it. I feel so horrible for the little girl. Almost as if maybe we didn't see something we should have. I know we didn't do it but its hard to not have some level of guilt for something like that happening next door.

I'm not sure if posting (rambling) this will make anything better but I will tell you that I spent more time hugging my kids tonight. Just terrible....

[thesloppy]

Ick, that's horrible. Are the wife and daughters still next door? Is/will the dude be out on bail, and next door to you anytime soon?

Is it fair (if overly simplistic) of me to mumble that the level of child abuse in this world has seemingly remained relatively constant and prevalent, despite whatever political/social/civil evolution has taken place over the last however-many-thousands of years of civilization? I dunno why that is, but it sure is a shame.

[Mustang]

Unfortunately I have a neighbor that I get that feeling from. Not that he is a child molester, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was abusive towards his wife. He is pretty much only out at 7 or 8 in the morning if he needs to do anything outside and then no one is seen the rest of the day. Also, on the occasions we see her, his wife will talk to us however, if she is around him she won't say a word to us. Could be nothing, but I just cast a wary eye towards him.

[SteveMax58]

Yeah, they are still there. The husband was arrested last Wednesday (the 2nd) and we've seen other cars there ever since. We know 1 of the cars is a friend of the wife's and another we think is the wife's mother (not certain, though). We also noticed while trying to find another source of info on the guy that their house is listed for sale now but there is no sign out front (likely to avoid people coming over & asking "why are you moving?" I assume).

We don't know if there is bail for him (our county doesn't release very good info...or at least it isn't obviously accessible). We can't think of anybody who would bail him out though. His ex-wife (who he had stated tried to kill him) & his adult son (who doesn't talk to him) aren't likely to post bail. His family is a few hours away but I'm guessing this would take some serious money to bail somebody out for such a charge & I don't think they are the type of people with that kind of cash (unless bond, maybe). But also never saw them there so guessing his family is a bit distant from him at best.

We aren't sure how or where he was arrested since we never saw police cars in the neighborhood. We're presuming he was arrested at work. We also aren't sure how this came out as we had actually seen them on Halloween & oddly enough, the little girl came trick or treating at our door. We were very surprised by that.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by Mustang

Unfortunately I have a neighbor that I get that feeling from. Not that he is a child molester, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was abusive towards his wife. He is pretty much only out at 7 or 8 in the morning if he needs to do anything outside and then no one is seen the rest of the day. Also, on the occasions we see her, his wife will talk to us however, if she is around him she won't say a word to us. Could be nothing, but I just cast a wary eye towards him.

Yeah, I know the feeling. He was very different around me than what my wife would tell me she saw of him (he worked nights and was home during the day...another reason I had concern for her). At first I thought maybe she just misread the guy as I always saw him as just some lughead but I started seeing some things here & there that made me think, "Gee, maybe this guy really is unstable". Never saw him do anything but always had a vibe that something wasn't "right" with him...at least not somebody who is 44 years old anyway.

[molson]

If you're concerned about bail/release, don't hesitate to contact the county prosecutor's office. He should have a criminal case # by now, and they should give you any release info, conditions of release, bond info, court dates, anything you want.

[EagleFan]

Bad enough that stuff goes on, worse when you hear it is so close.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by molson

If you're concerned about bail/release, don't hesitate to contact the county prosecutor's office. He should have a criminal case # by now, and they should give you any release info, conditions of release, bond info, court dates, anything you want.

Thanks...I'll take that advice & call tomorrow. I can't imagine he would go anywhere near the home but this guy is likely feeling ruined so if he does get out...he definitely has nothing more to lose.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by EagleFan

Bad enough that stuff goes on, worse when you hear it is so close.

Yeah, so close & this is a kid we knew. Both girls would spend a lot of time with my wife as she'd take them to my son's football practice, a quick run to the store, or they'd just stop over and hang out while she made something.

[cuervo72]

We had a neighbor arrested a couple of months ago, later found out he is to be tried for attempted murder (I considered posting it in the odd news stories thread...). He's back at home, but it's an odd dynamic. I have to admit I've avoided engaging him in conversation, though I've seen his wife and kids about and have said hi (oh yeah - one of his kids is in my daughter's class, too). Awkward though not only because of the arrest, but because he was accused of trying to kill the husband of his co-worker/lover.

Child molestation though...that's just horrible.

[SteveMax58]

Yeah, I know what you mean about awkward. Our kids ride the same bus (well, with the young girl, the older is in middle school) & the bus stop in the morning is at our house basically. We only just found out today and there is no school here tomorrow so next Monday will be the first day after we've been aware of this. The little girl was not at the bus stop last week (understandably) which my wife found odd but there was a lot of colds flying around so she just assumed she was sick for a few days.

Can't imagine what hell she had gone through but at least it is behind her (at least the physical abuse part).

[Matthean]

As long as he is in jail, I would be tempted to invite them over for a meal, or at least take a meal to them. My guess is the wife is going to have times where she really doesn't want to think about what to make dinner.

[thesloppy]

That's a nice idea.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by Matthean

As long as he is in jail, I would be tempted to invite them over for a meal, or at least take a meal to them. My guess is the wife is going to have times where she really doesn't want to think about what to make dinner.

Yeah, we've been struggling with whether to go over & try to talk to her.

On one hand, we now (or think we) know a lot of the conflict we've had with them was because of that guy's controlling & manipulative actions to try & blame his abuse on other external factors. That appears obvious to us but we don't know if its as obvious to her & she may not have pieced everything together yet (obviously our view of the situation is more narrow & focused on our interactions...which may be very small on her radar at the moment). We also know her as more of a non-frilly type of person. So she isn't normally the type to bake a cake for her neighbors. Most people would probably describe her as a bit cold & insensitive.

On the other hand, we do want to help her out if we can. My wife had thought of waiting until Monday at the bus stop & just saying hello to her & see where that leads. Saying hello is something that hasn't happened in over a year so we're trending a bit more cautious in how we approach her (and we haven't decided that we definitely will yet). We also know her best friend works for CPS and has been staying there so she's definitely not alone.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

Yeah, we've been struggling with whether to go over & try to talk to her.

On one hand, we now (or think we) know a lot of the conflict we've had with them was because of that guy's controlling & manipulative actions to try & blame his abuse on other external factors. That appears obvious to us but we don't know if its as obvious to her & she may not have pieced everything together yet (obviously our view of the situation is more narrow & focused on our interactions...which may be very small on her radar at the moment). We also know her as more of a non-frilly type of person. So she isn't normally the type to bake a cake for her neighbors. Most people would probably describe her as a bit cold & insensitive.

On the other hand, we do want to help her out if we can. My wife had thought of waiting until Monday at the bus stop & just saying hello to her & see where that leads. Saying hello is something that hasn't happened in over a year so we're trending a bit more cautious in how we approach her (and we haven't decided that we definitely will yet). We also know her best friend works for CPS and has been staying there so she's definitely not alone.

I would think that any form of support would likely be appreciated. They likely feel very isolated right now any break of that wall would bring them some manner of relief and acceptance.

[SteveMax58]

Yeah, thats a good point MBBF. I know most of the other neighbors were very weirded by them over time and with regards to their interactions with us & a couple other neighbors. So I think some sort of friendliness would probably be appreciated, even in a small dose.

[spleen1015]

I don't know if any of my neighbors has done anything like this, but I worry about this sort of thing all of the time.

About 4 years ago, we ordered pizza from Papa John's. My daughter was on the back porch jumping rope when the delivery guy came. You can see the back door from the front door and when the guy saw my daughter out there he made a really creepy comment about how cute my daughter looked.

We haven't order pizza from Papa John's ever since.

[Mizzou B-ball fan]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

Yeah, thats a good point MBBF. I know most of the other neighbors were very weirded by them over time and with regards to their interactions with us & a couple other neighbors. So I think some sort of friendliness would probably be appreciated, even in a small dose.

Even something like an early holiday basket delivered or a gift certificate to a restaurant or store would help if the actual interaction feels odd. I'm guessing that things like dinner out or shopping between mom and daughters (things we take for granted) would be something they would consider special after what they've dealt with.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by Mizzou B-ball fan

Even something like an early holiday basket delivered or a gift certificate to a restaurant or store would help if the actual interaction feels odd. I'm guessing that things like dinner out or shopping between mom and daughters (things we take for granted) would be something they would consider special after what they've dealt with.

That's an excellent idea.

We really want to help the kids out & some time with mom eating/shopping is probably a good thing for them as they aren't likely to do a lot of that considering they've just lost the primary source of income to the family. We'll do it anonymously and make sure we can help them with Thanksgiving & Christmas holidays.

My wife had planned to reach out anyway but at least this way she doesn't have to be overbearing or persistent in order to help if the reaction is a little icy.

[RomaGoth]

Terrible story and I feel bad for those children. I just don't get why people do this shit to children. I mean, I understand that much of it is related to possible abuse when they were young, or some sense of power over a child, or numerous other factors. But, I just don't get it on a rational level. Every time I see a story like this I want to hug my kids and protect them from a fucked up world.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

But, I just don't get it on a rational level.

My wife and I were having this conversation last night and the thing she kept trying to rationalize in her head was, "how could he do that to his own kid".

And my response was that it is so beyond rational to even look at a child that way...that it makes no difference that it was his own kid...since rational thought would have stopped him from ever going there with ANY kid, let alone his own.

She had some things like this happen to her as a child as well. Not her father but still very damaging, emotionally.

I'm certainly no expert on the subject but I honestly don't think these people who do these things can ever be cured of whatever "issue" it is that causes them to do this. This guy is 44...so who knows if there are any other victims from the past.

[SteveMax58]

UPDATE:

My wife called and told me some new news on this one.

Apparently it was the older daughter that he is being charged with the sexual abuse and the abuse is being targeted back to before she was 11 years old (which is a requirement of the primary charge & why we assumed it was the younger girl).

Apparently, the mother was planning to leave for a few days for work (which included the weekend) and the older daughter (I think she's 15 now) had asked to stay with the only neighbor that associated with them. I assume this brought up quite a few questions, but unsure how it all came out.

My wife also heard that the guy actually turned himself in and to my surprise, he is listed as "Out of Custody" with the corrections center. I assume that to mean on the street really, as I'd imagine it would say something like "transferred" if he was sent to a different holding facility or prison.

Despite the news that he turned himself in, I don't trust this guy's mental state at all. We thought he was unstable before he lost his family & livelihood...so now I can only imagine the type of unstable thoughts he could have. Still a complete & utter waste of flesh but my wife does have some others in the neighborhood that around as well (and the doors are locked, fyi).

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

UPDATE:

My wife called and told me some new news on this one.

Apparently it was the older daughter that he is being charged with the sexual abuse and the abuse is being targeted back to before she was 11 years old (which is a requirement of the primary charge & why we assumed it was the younger girl).

Apparently, the mother was planning to leave for a few days for work (which included the weekend) and the older daughter (I think she's 15 now) had asked to stay with the only neighbor that associated with them. I assume this brought up quite a few questions, but unsure how it all came out.

My wife also heard that the guy actually turned himself in and to my surprise, he is listed as "Out of Custody" with the corrections center. I assume that to mean on the street really, as I'd imagine it would say something like "transferred" if he was sent to a different holding facility or prison.

Despite the news that he turned himself in, I don't trust this guy's mental state at all. We thought he was unstable before he lost his family & livelihood...so now I can only imagine the type of unstable thoughts he could have. Still a complete & utter waste of flesh but my wife does have some others in the neighborhood that around as well (and the doors are locked, fyi).

Your neighbor is a piece of shit.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by RomaGoth

Your neighbor is a piece of shit.

Yeah, that might actually be insulting to actual pieces of shit.

I had told my wife (and she even reminded me that I did) about how he seemed to act a little strange with the older daughter (who is a step-daughter). I said he seemed to act like a teenage boy around her. When he was being nice, it seemed a little "flirtatious" rather than good-spirited joking...when he was negative, he seemed "jealous" rather than fatherly.

Makes me sick to think about this guy...

[RomaGoth]

Originally Posted by SteveMax58

Yeah, that might actually be insulting to actual pieces of shit.

My sincere apologies to all actual pieces of shit. I meant no offense.

[CrimsonFox]

I thought this thread was talking about a sequel to So I Married An Axe Murderer...

[SteveMax58]

I'm surprised nobody asked if this guy ever coached for PSU

[Draft Dodger]

too soon

[CrimsonFox]

Originally Posted by Draft Dodger

too soon

[RainMaker]

Originally Posted by spleen1015

I don't know if any of my neighbors has done anything like this, but I worry about this sort of thing all of the time.

About 4 years ago, we ordered pizza from Papa John's. My daughter was on the back porch jumping rope when the delivery guy came. You can see the back door from the front door and when the guy saw my daughter out there he made a really creepy comment about how cute my daughter looked.

We haven't order pizza from Papa John's ever since.

I just want to add something and I'll probably sound weird. I have a friend who has a little daughter and they always send out pictures. They dress her up or whatever and think it's cute to send them. I guess standard fare as a new parent.

But I always feel weird in how to respond. I'm assuming she wants positive feedback when she says "look at these new pictures". She'll send one out all dressed up and I feel like a creep if I say she looks pretty or cute. But I don't know what to say at all. So I always give these kind of weird answers like "ohh seems like you went shopping" or something of that nature.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by RainMaker

But I always feel weird in how to respond. I'm assuming she wants positive feedback when she says "look at these new pictures". She'll send one out all dressed up and I feel like a creep if I say she looks pretty or cute. But I don't know what to say at all. So I always give these kind of weird answers like "ohh seems like you went shopping" or something of that nature.

I used to feel this way before I had kids. People would show me pictures of their kids & I would think "yeah great, a kid...looks healthy enough I suppose", but would feel creepy saying "wow, what a beautiful little girl you have" or something like that. That changed when I had kids.

Now it doesn't feel weird or anything to say that but I do recall feeling awkward about how to compliment somebody's kids without sounding like a weirdo. I just never looked at kids much so didn't really know how to respond. I mean...certainly I "saw" kids, but never really paid them much attention until I had my own.

[Matthean]

The difference is you are being prompted for a response when they show you pictures. It also matters a ton in how you say it.