DaddyTorgo's RL Dating Dynasty

[DaddyTorgo]

Fine. Profile finished. 6 month membership paid and active.

Let's see how this goes.

Note - I have ~45 girls that I've favorited over the 8 months or a year or whatever that I said "when I signup I'll try these 45 or so first" to try to get some critical mass going, so if I actually start executing on that it should maybe get things started...if I hear back from any of them. Haha.

[Izulde]

[Grover]

I hope that critical mass doesn't explode too early.

/zing

[Poli]

Good luck.

My wife initially closed my match with her on eharmony when I didn't attempt to contact her after two months.

I had glanced at her profile and it didn't warrant the standard, "Too fat/ugly, Can't spell, or the stay at home mom job" close out. So I thought I'd get back to her eventually. I had about 2 months of ladies backlogged on 'potential matches' that I hadn't bothered checking...I was just trying to clear the obvious ones out.

I was in the middle of the cleaning out when I got the message *she* closed it. I remembered the name, looked, and told her she should get to know me.

I think it worked out.

[Dodgerchick]

Originally Posted by Izulde

indeed, gluck DT!!

[Dodgerchick]

Originally Posted by Poli

Good luck.

My wife initially closed my match with her on eharmony when I didn't attempt to contact her after two months.

I had glanced at her profile and it didn't warrant the standard, "Too fat/ugly, Can't spell, or the stay at home mom job. So I thought I'd get back to her eventually. I had about 2 months of ladies backlogged on 'potential matches' that I hadn't bothered checking...I was just trying to clear the obvious ones out.

I was in the middle of the cleaning out when I got the message *she* closed it. I remembered the name, looked, and told her she should get to know me.

I think it worked out.

Aww.

[Poli]

Originally Posted by Dodgerchick

Aww.

Thanks. I forgot a few words in the beginning. I meant to say I didn't initially close her because of those qualities.

I had used eharmony for 6-8 months previously...closed it out when I met a gal. Things kind of went back and forth for a while. During one of the 'forths', I signed back up for eharmony, which was followed by another "back" together period.

Since we got back together, I just let the eharmony thing lay low. Didn't check it, didn't bother to renew. It did keep sending matches, though. After two months of back and forth I got tired and moved on.

So extremely glad I did.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Poli

Good luck.

My wife initially closed my match with her on eharmony when I didn't attempt to contact her after two months.

I had glanced at her profile and it didn't warrant the standard, "Too fat/ugly, Can't spell, or the stay at home mom job" close out. So I thought I'd get back to her eventually. I had about 2 months of ladies backlogged on 'potential matches' that I hadn't bothered checking...I was just trying to clear the obvious ones out.

I was in the middle of the cleaning out when I got the message *she* closed it. I remembered the name, looked, and told her she should get to know me.

I think it worked out.

Not into the single or married mothers?

[Poli]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Not into the single or married mothers?

Single moms didn't scare me. Dated a number of them. I just wanted them to have a job. Looking back, it may have been a rude rule to have...but if you listed 'stay at home mom' as the job, I closed you out without reading further.

I looked at it as this. You're staying at home to take care of your kids. Taking care of your kid(s) is important. However, putting food on the table is as well. Relying on dead beat dad and/or the government isn't the kind of value I was looking for. I just felt like, and this is personal opinion, that the moms that went to work to take care of their children were 100x more appealing to me. I wouldn't care if that meant they worked the drive thru at McDonald's or as a bigshot taking photographs of people from satellites (both of which I dated).

[Poli]

As for married mothers, believe it or not, I talked to one on eharmony.

The trick to eharmony, I learned early on, is you have to be single in one fashion or another. If you're honest with them (or at least this was the case when I was getting divorced) and tell them you're getting divorced, they'll say, 'great, let us know when that happens', and keep you from using the site.

That's ridiculous, of course. You just create another account and list 'divorced' instead. I did. My divorce was going through in 2 weeks anyhow. It was a legal issue for me.

So about 6 months into dating again, I am matched with a young blonde from my town in South St. Louis who does daycare out of her home. She and I answer our questions over a day or two. She asks to call so I give her my number.

She calls and she seemed nice enough...but then she tells me she has to be honest about something. She then tells me she's 'not quite divorced' yet. In fact, they haven't filed.

HAVEN'T FILED FOR DIVORCE.

She quickly says it's because of insurance for her son. Her dad's in the Air Force and they don't want the son to lose his insurance in the event that she remarries.

That's hogwash. I was in the Navy. I know the benefits. He's either filling her a line of crap that she just blindly believes or she's trying to fill me with that line of crap and hope I blindly believed. Either way, I wasn't buying.

I politely get off the phone as quick as I can. I logged into Eharmony. I closed the match. I filed a complaint. I never heard from her again.

[DaddyTorgo]

Okay - profile is up and running.

Today's task: determine how to get a response from sending an intro email to people I'm interested in (whether the "spend 30 seconds" or "actually take time" camp has it right).

My first guess is that it's somewhere in the middle. Good to reference the profile and likely make mention of one or two things, but keep it short, and include a question or a reason for them to check out my profile.

[DaddyTorgo]

How many messages will you guys typically send out at one time? I know it's a numbers-game to some degree, but what's manageable?

Reach out to 5-10 at a pop and see if there's any bites? Then rinse and repeat?

[Poli]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

How many messages will you guys typically send out at one time? I know it's a numbers-game to some degree, but what's manageable?

Reach out to 5-10 at a pop and see if there's any bites? Then rinse and repeat?

Eharmony matched about 5-6 a day. I couldn't see any more than they matched me with. Half the people there aren't paying I'd guess, so you can't assume everyone will respond immediately. If there was interest, I fired off the questionnaire and hoped for a response.

Never hung my hopes on a response. Never lied on a response either. I didn't have time to pretend I was someone else.

I didn't "fast track" and avoid the questions. I wanted the buffer.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Poli

Eharmony matched about 5-6 a day. I couldn't see any more than they matched me with. Half the people there aren't paying I'd guess, so you can't assume everyone will respond immediately. If there was interest, I fired off the questionnaire and hoped for a response.

Never hung my hopes on a response. Never lied on a response either. I didn't have time to pretend I was someone else.

I didn't "fast track" and avoid the questions. I wanted the buffer.

Yeah - I don't plan on lying at all. And like I said - I'm a salesguy...i recognize that it's a numbers game, so I expect like...a sub-10% response rate (I figure 5% would be great).

[Poli]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah - I don't plan on lying at all. And like I said - I'm a salesguy...i recognize that it's a numbers game, so I expect like...a sub-10% response rate (I figure 5% would be great).

I got a lot of responses...probably more than 10%, but I couldn't guess the number honestly...that being ones I requested and responded.

I was amazed at the amount of 'white' lies or exaggerations made in my case. Most were not huge deals but just fluff. I was straightforward about who I was and what I wanted. I didn't include some photo from HS. I put photos of me with my boys and pictures from work.

[DaddyTorgo]

Wow. More than 10%? Yikes. Maybe I'll have to be pickier. Shot off 5 emails tonight. Then again...while I'm getting my feet wet dating too often would actually be a huge help since I'm inexperienced.

I did find one woman tonight who sounded like the female version of me, so I shot her off one of my emails today:

Originally Posted by profile

what you see is what you get

I don't know how to date so I'm looking for someone who won't play games with me. I believe that when your with the right person you can have the time of your life doing nothing together. I love anything to do with love and I still believe in living happily ever after!

Specifically the bit about "the time of your life doing nothing together" was something I highlighted in my profile.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Wow. More than 10%? Yikes. Maybe I'll have to be pickier. Shot off 5 emails tonight. Then again...while I'm getting my feet wet dating too often would actually be a huge help since I'm inexperienced.

I did find one woman tonight who sounded like the female version of me, so I shot her off one of my emails today:



Specifically the bit about "the time of your life doing nothing together" was something I highlighted in my profile.

Just a suggestion, and take it with a grain of salt, but lose the "won't play games with me" bit. I automatically pass if a female that has in their profile, and I'm sure quality women do the same with guys. Be upbeat, funny, and positive.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Just a suggestion, and take it with a grain of salt, but lose the "won't play games with me" bit. I automatically pass if a female that has in their profile, and I'm sure quality women do the same with guys. Be upbeat, funny, and positive.

LMAO...no....that was her profile...not mine.

I don't say that in mine.

[Poli]

Yeah, I'd stay away from what the average profile says, like Galaxy mentioned. It'll help you stand out.

I'm sure you've already seen the 'games' thing mentioned a hundred times.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Poli

Yeah, I'd stay away from what the average profile says, like Galaxy mentioned. It'll help you stand out.

I'm sure you've already seen the 'games' thing mentioned a hundred times.

True that. Yeah...that was her profile, not mine.

I feel like my responses would get smiles and did leave openings for responses (asked some sort of question). Kept them short...under 5 sentences.

Will fire off 5 or so more later.

[DaddyTorgo]

5 more fired off. 10 off now...still no responses yet.

[Poli]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

5 more fired off. 10 off now...still no responses yet.

If you need the number of a hot 30 year old woman from St Louis, let me know. Only problem is she has a felony. And she is bat crazy.

[Autumn]

Poli, could you plot her on this scale please?

[Grover]

Originally Posted by Galaxy

Just a suggestion, and take it with a grain of salt, but lose the "won't play games with me" bit. I automatically pass if a female that has in their profile, and I'm sure quality women do the same with guys. Be upbeat, funny, and positive.

What if you say "Will play games with me" and then list a bunch of board games?

[Poli]

Originally Posted by Autumn

Poli, could you plot her on this scale please?

The felony puts her off the chart, fortunately.

She's got enough hotness that I put up with it for a while.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by Grover

What if you say "Will play games with me" and then list a bunch of board games?

"Will play games with you...such as Monopoly, Connect Four, Scrabble, Clue, ect."

I think that would be a good line in a profile-provided you do play board games; a girl with a good personality might laugh at it.

[DaddyTorgo]

Update

I was sick the second half of last week with a killer fever and so did nothing in terms of emailing or searching or anything.

I did send out 15 emails between Sunday and Tuesday night when I first got sick though. Zero responses. 1 girl that I emailed actually bothered to view my profile, but didn't email me back. Of course she was a) probably one of the top 2-3 in terms of attractiveness that I emailed, and b) also the one who really said the least in her profile, so that I didn't really have much to go with in my initial email to her.

My initial emails were all pretty similar: try to display a little bit of humor and show that i actually read her profile or have a connection (in one case a fellow alum of my college), and ask a couple questions (based on her stated interests or her profile if at all possible) to try to get a response.

We'll see how this week goes.

[Izulde]

I'm betting you get to 200 emails sent out before you get a response that isn't some spambot or scammer.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I'm betting you get to 200 emails sent out before you get a response that isn't some spambot or scammer.

Hopefully not that many!

[Izulde]

I'm just going based off my own experiences. That's why I pretty much got to the fuck what ya heard stage of Interwebz dating sites.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

I'm just going based off my own experiences. That's why I pretty much got to the fuck what ya heard stage of Interwebz dating sites.

Might be. Well it'll be an interesting experiment either way.

[Poli]

I don't know that I received a spambot or scammer message. There was one woman who didn't seem to measure up to what she said she was. I was very cautious when I wrote her as a result. We talked on the phone a few times, but I had no inclination to believe what she told me. She eventually drifted away.

I don't recall having the ability to see who viewed my profile. I can't recall having that option. I can't believe that would have been good for my ego.

Just remember, this is a pay site and it's quite possible a number of the profiles were created without paying for them. I initially created a profile at eharmony without paying for it. It wasn't until I started getting messages of "so and so would like to communicate with you" before I bought in. I weighed my options versus the cost at that.

I did meet a lot of women through eharmony in St. Louis, but I assure you that there were dozens that I did not meet because they were simply not paying members.

My advice is not to concern yourself and to keep trying. I like that you're trying to personalize your messages based on the information that they provide. I've heard many stories about how guys would just send out generic messages. Taking the extra step to personalize isn't too hard and worth it, in my opinion.

[Chief Rum]

I got the most responses when I was short and funny and used something from their profile. I think I posted a few examples in the Online Dating thread a few months ago.

Of course, it took some time to think of some of those, and I found it to be too time consuming (just the communication and knowing I needed to send out a lot to likely get just a few responses), so it wasn't long before I said screw it and stopped. But I did get responses, at least.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Chief Rum

I got the most responses when I was short and funny and used something from their profile. I think I posted a few examples in the Online Dating thread a few months ago.

Of course, it took some time to think of some of those, and I found it to be too time consuming (just the communication and knowing I needed to send out a lot to likely get just a few responses), so it wasn't long before I said screw it and stopped. But I did get responses, at least.

Yeah - mine have been short (4-5 sentences), humorous, and definitely reference their profile in some way. I think I'm covering that side of it. Maybe I've just messaged a bunch of people who aren't actually paying members...dumb luck like that.

Anyways - I'll be stepping it up again this week, so we'll see.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Yeah - I don't plan on lying at all. And like I said - I'm a salesguy...i recognize that it's a numbers game, so I expect like...a sub-10% response rate (I figure 5% would be great).

I don't know why, but I thought you were a lawyer. (Seriously.)

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

LMAO...no....that was her profile...not mine.

I don't say that in mine.

I was going to say something more, but I thought I would leave at that.

Originally Posted by Poli

I don't know that I received a spambot or scammer message. There was one woman who didn't seem to measure up to what she said she was. I was very cautious when I wrote her as a result. We talked on the phone a few times, but I had no inclination to believe what she told me. She eventually drifted away.

I don't recall having the ability to see who viewed my profile. I can't recall having that option. I can't believe that would have been good for my ego.

Just remember, this is a pay site and it's quite possible a number of the profiles were created without paying for them. I initially created a profile at eharmony without paying for it. It wasn't until I started getting messages of "so and so would like to communicate with you" before I bought in. I weighed my options versus the cost at that.

I did meet a lot of women through eharmony in St. Louis, but I assure you that there were dozens that I did not meet because they were simply not paying members.

My advice is not to concern yourself and to keep trying. I like that you're trying to personalize your messages based on the information that they provide. I've heard many stories about how guys would just send out generic messages. Taking the extra step to personalize isn't too hard and worth it, in my opinion.

I don't know how eHarmony works, but I absolutely hate the fact that you can't tell who is a paying member or not on match-unless they have a green background thing on their profile because they paid for a 6 month subscription.

[DaddyTorgo]

Yeah - it's a bit nuts. I've slacked off on sending out my daily (self-imposed) quota of messages since I had that bad fever for like 4 days and just haven't gotten back into the routine of it, but I intend to today.

[JediKooter]

One of the main reasons I stopped paying for match.com was all of the bots/scammers. Didn't recognize it at first, but, then I would read these "different women's" profiles and think that there's something awfully familiar about what I'm reading. Some of them would actually cut and paste the same paragraph 3 times in their own profile. Then of course when they used the same pictures of the same porn actress, that was kind of a red flag as well.

Never mind all of the abandoned profiles that hadn't been active in not just a few months, but, had no activity for YEARS. Great algorithm match, please send me more of my daily matches of women who haven't visited the site since Bush was president.

[Poli]

I don't think you were told if a woman had an active account on eharmony, but some would say, "I only check this on free weeks or weekends" or "I am waiting for another price special before becoming a paying member again".

It may have changed in the past few years, but I would doubt it.

I'm sort of jealous that there's an eharmony app for the phone. I would have been completely dangerous with an app.

[Izulde]

Where's our update? :P

[DaddyTorgo]

I've slacked off and haven't been emailing people every night like I said I would.

Thanks for holding me accountable - I'll get back to it today/tonight.

[DaddyTorgo]

Back to sending out emails the last couple days.

Still no responses at all.

Maybe I ought to try eharmony too? Thoughts?

[Izulde]

I've thought about eharmony myself, simply because match seems to have like a 0.5% response rate, if that.

[Poli]

Eharmony was the site I used for approximately 95% of my dates.

I'd swear by it.

[DaddyTorgo]

Holy crap. I just got my first inbound email from someone on match.com.

Not really someone I'm attracted to...but hey...at least I know the website is alive.

My father also mentioned that he was talking to a (younger) coworker who had a younger sister around my age who was single, and he said he/they were going to set the two of us up.

[Galaxy]

Originally Posted by DaddyTorgo

Holy crap. I just got my first inbound email from someone on match.com.

Not really someone I'm attracted to...but hey...at least I know the website is alive.

My father also mentioned that he was talking to a (younger) coworker who had a younger sister around my age who was single, and he said he/they were going to set the two of us up.

Well, what happened?

[Izulde]

Heh, so I wandered back on to eharmony, changed my info, etc. to Las Vegas and cleared out my old matches from like six years ago.

Clicked the Find New Matches button and "We're unable to find you matches."

Sheesh, even eharmony thinks I'm destined to a life of platonic relationships.

[Poli]

They may just need a day to re-establish some connections? I don't know. I got nothing outside of that.

[DaddyTorgo]

None of the women who I am sending emails OUT to have gotten back to me. The only two emails I've gotten coming in have been from girls who I am definitely not physically attracted to.

To be blunt, I didn't lose close to 100lbs so that I could be with a chubby girl. I could have done that quite easily when I was fat. I want someone who's in shape.

But...just to get dating experience (of which I have precious little...like ummm...none?) I'm going to at least meet these girls for coffee and use it as practice.

[Izulde]

Good deal. Get the XP by engaging lvl 1 opponents.

[DaddyTorgo]

Originally Posted by Izulde

Good deal. Get the XP by engaging lvl 1 opponents.

Haha. Yep!