Bullying

tyketime · 09-21-2011, 08:47 AM

So my son calls Mrs Tyke when he got home from school yesterday and relayed an incident of bullying/intimidation that we now have to deal with. A few years back, there was a neighborhood kid who was trouble. We didn't hear from him for a couple of years. Turns out he's now on my son's bus (my son is a high school freshman and very small for his age). Yesterday on the ride home, the kid asked my son to pee in a bottle for him so he could pass a home drug test. When my son refused, he started calling him a fag and that's why you have no friends. He then looked at the kid sitting in front of my son and told him he would pay the kid $10 to beat my son up. The kid said no, but then laughingly added, "make it $20".

I'm not so worried about the 2nd kid, but I am about the bully. My son was very reluctant to say anything to us and begged us not to say or do anything.

But we can't. The school has a zero tolerance policy. I'm afraid that if nothing is done, the kid will continue to bully him. At the end of the conversation, my son told us to go ahead and call the principal. He's crying and very understandably upset.

This really is a no-win situation. Do nothing, and the harassment may continue. Do something, and the fear of retribution creeps around all of us.

While I am sure the school has dealt with this many times, it's hard not to believe this kid won't know he was reported, and more importantly who.

My son won't be the first or last person ever bullied. But it sure sucks to be in the middle of an incident,..

JonInMiddleGA · 09-21-2011, 08:52 AM

1st call: to the principal, hopefully they'll follow through & lay the wood to the asshole

2nd call: If you're genuinely concerned about retribution (beyond the scope of something stupid like the asshole flipping off your house when he rides past) then you proactively call the cops & start doing whatever is needed to get a restraining order against the little fucker.

Barkeep49 · 09-21-2011, 08:56 AM

Speaking as a teacher/administrator, is doing nothing going to really protect your son? Maybe, maybe not. The real key to bullying is to get the bystanders to say something, but obviously that's not something your son can control. So I would do what you can control and make the call. Obviously the bully has issues else he wouldn't be needing to pass a drug test. Share with the principal your concern over making your son a target for retaliation, there might be something the principal can do to enforce the zero tolerance without putting your son at the center. I would also talk with your son about how to deal with the bully. Confidence goes a long way. Good luck. These situations certainly aren't easy, but as you say you've got to deal with it somehow.

PilotMan · 09-21-2011, 09:11 AM

I'll echo some sentiments here. You have to go in hard and fast on the school. Let them know what the expectations are that you have and tell that they better meet them or else. They are fully responsible while your child is on a school bus and they are solely held accountable. Be aggressive with it, leave no room for miscommunication. Make sure they know you will follow up quickly. This needs to be handled today.

Even if your son is small, make sure that he knows that even in the face of a bully he needs to still stand up for himself. Praise him for making the right decision, both with the bully and telling you. Back him up so that he knows he can go to you again, and won't be burned by telling you, or that you won't do enough.

If it comes to blows, he has to fight, punishment be damned, and let him know you back him up there too. Even if this kid is bigger, older, will easily win, he has to know that he will be allowed to defend himself, and that he should.

JonInMiddleGA · 09-21-2011, 09:17 AM

Echoing PilotMan to infinity on the importance of praising him for making the right call in telling you.

Don't get me wrong here Tyke, from the sound of your post I'm pretty darned sure you're doing that already without prompting ... but I don't think a little positive reinforcement for you on that decision is a bad thing

sterlingice · 09-21-2011, 09:17 AM

Sounds like if the bully needs help passing a drug test, I'd bring that up in the casual conversation to the principal about this and that would give the school another means with which to get the bully in trouble

SI

SteveMax58 · 09-21-2011, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sterlingice

Sounds like if the bully needs help passing a drug test, I'd bring that up in the casual conversation to the principal about this and that would give the school another means with which to get the bully in trouble

SI

Exactly. This is (from the sounds of it) a kid the school is probably very aware of that has issues already. I would be completely shocked if the school didn't take that information & go to whoever was making this kid take a urine test (if its anything related to probation or some sort of legal entity). I highly doubt its for any "good" reason (though it could be for an employer, which I don't know the ramifications or how the school could really do anything there especially if the kid doesn't volunteer why he is taking a drug test).

DanGarion · 09-21-2011, 10:16 AM

Kick the kid's ass.

Apathetic Lurker · 09-21-2011, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DanGarion

Kick the kid's ass.

+1

tyketime · 09-21-2011, 10:22 AM

Thanks for all the replies:

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

1st call: to the principal, hopefully they'll follow through & lay the wood to the asshole.

Ah... going old school. I love the good ol' days...

Quote:

Originally Posted by PilotMan

Even if your son is small, make sure that he knows that even in the face of a bully he needs to still stand up for himself. Praise him for making the right decision, both with the bully and telling you. Back him up so that he knows he can go to you again, and won't be burned by telling you, or that you won't do enough.

We absolutely did last night. We told him how proud we were of him having the courage to tell us. We made it very clear we have his back and he can always come to us with any further incident.

tyketime · 09-21-2011, 10:30 AM

UPDATE: I did speak with the Principal this morning. Actually it was a Vice-Principal. There are several in the school, and assignments are based on last names. So this particular Vice Principal is not familiar with the other kid, but assured me the first thing he would do would be to speak to the other Vice Principal to see if the kid already has any sort of disciplinary record.

So the steps are as follows:
1. Vice Principal will call my son down to office and get specifics from him.
2. VP will check to see if kid already has disciplinary issues.
3. VP will speak to kid immediately. He told me it will be relayed that other kids on the bus reported the Bully and that this will stop ASAP. If this is his first offense, he will probably get away with a warning (their experience says if there is immediate punishment (obviously all of this is also based on the "severity" of the aggression), the likelihood of inciting a response from the bully increases. They will also immediately schedule a Parent conference where it will be made very clear that any further acts will result in severe consequences.

I got off the phone sick to my stomach. In my heart, I know I did the right thing. The rest is "out of my control", and that's disheartening for a parent... Sorry - I read too much shit these days about out of control kids.

MacroGuru · 09-21-2011, 11:17 AM

I hear you Tyke..

My son is in 6th grade, which is middle school here.

3 8th graders attacked him in school last week. Nothing light either.The put a plastic bag over his head and proceeded to punch him in the stomach.

They ran and took his stuff. He went to the office and told on them. They were caught and get this, only given in school suspension for a week.

I was on the phone as soon as I found out about it letting the 6th grade principal have it. I told him I wanted the kids heads served up on a platter, I want to see the zero tolerance in effect, because next time they do it to someone, they will make sure that person won't tell on them. I might have well turned around and spoke to the wall with the response I got from him.

I then gave my son complete and total permission to defend himself and I don't care what happens to the other kid, you have my support.

JediKooter · 09-21-2011, 11:30 AM

I would have called the cops and had them arrested for assault.

JonInMiddleGA · 09-21-2011, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JediKooter

I would have called the cops and had them arrested for assault.

+1

(They could have picked them up while they were arresting me, saved 'em a trip)

PilotMan · 09-21-2011, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JediKooter

I would have called the cops and had them arrested for assault.

+2 If that was all I was going to get from the school, that's the road I would have gone too.

Logan · 09-21-2011, 11:57 AM

Unreal...stuff like this makes me not even want to have kids. I get heartbroken enough just hearing from my sister how my 6yo niece got so sad about a girl being mean to her. I give you guys credit for dealing with it intelligently.

BTW, you should've gotten your kid some weed and then had him take the test for the kid

.

JediKooter · 09-21-2011, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonInMiddleGA

+1

(They could have picked them up while they were arresting me, saved 'em a trip)

Same here.

Julio Riddols · 09-21-2011, 12:34 PM

I dunno, I was always coached by my father that if a bully is messing with me, to laugh it off and make it less enjoyable for them, don't let em see you are bothered by it.. It always seemed to work. I would maybe get bullied here and there, but once they found that I had a thick skin and laughed it off, they didn't bother me any more. The one bully that pushed me too far was more of an annoying pest than a bully and I just caught him off guard one day and scared/got his attention enough that he left me alone.

I understand that as parents bullying is something to worry about, but really in my opinion it is true that overcoming it without your parents intervention "gives you character". I was never a popular kid, but by the end of my time in school, I was respected enough that no one saw me as a target.

My opinion, keep an eye on things, but unless something starts to get out of hand, I don't see anything really scary about this.

Marc Vaughan · 09-21-2011, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

3 8th graders attacked him in school last week. Nothing light either.The put a plastic bag over his head and proceeded to punch him in the stomach.

They ran and took his stuff. He went to the office and told on them. They were caught and get this, only given in school suspension for a week.

+ 3 - Sorry this isn't a 'suspension' item here - this is a call the cops issue, no one should get assaulted like that imho.

I was brought up with a 'go down swinging' approach to bullying, let them know you're not going to roll over and will at least give a few lumps and they'll normally give you distance - but in the case above, no thats not bullying thats assault and theft.

Toddzilla · 09-21-2011, 12:49 PM

You know what the problem is?

They took Bugs Bunny off the air.

Now kids don't know how to stand up to bullies that are bigger and stronger than them. They don't know how to laugh it off, never show fear, and generally make it a pain in the ass for the bullies to keep bullying.

I know that's simplistic, but it shouldn't take an incident like the OPs for us to teach our kids how to protect themselves.

Lathum · 09-21-2011, 03:00 PM

MAcro's situation is crazy, I would call the cops for sure and talk to those kids parents as well. Sadly it seems most of this behavior is learned at home and you either have parents who claim they have no idea their kid is a bully, or ones who defend their kids, which is why they are the way they are.

As for your son, I would continue to give him positive reinforcement and teach him its not ok to start a fight but it is ok to finish one.

Toddzilla · 09-21-2011, 03:53 PM

I bust Jon's balls every chance I get, justified or not, but I gotta say I'd be happy for him to stick up for my kid anyday.

illinifan999 · 09-21-2011, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MacroGuru

3 8th graders attacked him in school last week. Nothing light either.The put a plastic bag over his head and proceeded to punch him in the stomach.

They ran and took his stuff. He went to the office and told on them. They were caught and get this, only given in school suspension for a week.

This is literally a robbery. Obviously nothing will happen because they're juveniles and our justice system is a joke when dealing with them, but you need to call the police and report this.

tyketime · 09-21-2011, 06:51 PM

UPDATE#2 - When I got home from work tonight, my son said the Bully waited until he got off the bus this morning (so before I called to report the first incident), and then said to his friend (the same kid he offered to pay $10 to beat my son up) "Let's murder this kid". He said it loud enough that my son's friend also heard it.

I am freaking livid!!!!!

I wish I had known earlier so I could have called the Vice Principal back today. Not only are these two separate incidents on two days - the verbage has escalated. It was already beyond the line in my mind, and this has blown that out of the water.

I will be informing the VP tomorrow that if I don't hear back that the Bully has been suspended, my next call may very well be to the police.

ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!

tarcone · 09-21-2011, 07:01 PM

You need to escalate within the district as well, if the VP doesnt do anything. Go the principal then to the Superintendent.

Sweed · 09-21-2011, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyketime

UPDATE#2 - When I got home from work tonight, my son said the Bully waited until he got off the bus this morning (so before I called to report the first incident), and then said to his friend (the same kid he offered to pay $10 to beat my son up) "Let's murder this kid". He said it loud enough that my son's friend also heard it.

I am freaking livid!!!!!

I wish I had known earlier so I could have called the Vice Principal back today. Not only are these two separate incidents on two days - the verbage has escalated. It was already beyond the line in my mind, and this has blown that out of the water.

I will be informing the VP tomorrow that if I don't hear back that the Bully has been suspended, my next call may very well be to the police.

ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!

I think I would call the police tonight and report it. Then in the morning let the VP know that you did. Hell, maybe you should call him at home. IMHO this kid is in high school and is old enough to cause real harm if he does do anything and is also old enough to have the police involved in his life. I know I wouldn't look at it like a 10 yr old picking on an 8 yr old.

JonInMiddleGA · 09-21-2011, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweed

I think I would call the police tonight and report it.

What Sweed said.

Fuck the school, this is clearly beyond their scope at this point.

JediKooter · 09-21-2011, 07:08 PM

Especially since the kid seems to be worried about passing a drug test. He may already be on probation or something already for something he's done.

Toddzilla · 09-21-2011, 07:19 PM

Yep - call the cops and make it clear to that kid's parents that you have a lawyer at the ready should the courts need to get involved.

Lathum · 09-21-2011, 07:30 PM

Yeah, I would call the police tonight. This kid obviously has had issues in the past with drug use and I wouldn't drag my feet on this.

I would also advise your son to stick with his friends and be aware of his surroundings when alone

Ben E Lou · 09-21-2011, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweed

I think I would call the police tonight and report it.

This. Period.

cougarfreak · 09-21-2011, 07:39 PM

I know in the state of KY, when a bullying incident is reported to an administrator in the school, paperwork is automatically generated that gets sent to the police. In our case, it's the school resource officer. I know ours, and he would be proactive, and talk to the little shit and tell him if he messes with your kid, there will be charges filed. Hopefully NJ has something similar.

CrimsonFox · 09-21-2011, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyketime

UPDATE#2 - When I got home from work tonight, my son said the Bully waited until he got off the bus this morning (so before I called to report the first incident), and then said to his friend (the same kid he offered to pay $10 to beat my son up) "Let's murder this kid". He said it loud enough that my son's friend also heard it.

I am freaking livid!!!!!

I wish I had known earlier so I could have called the Vice Principal back today. Not only are these two separate incidents on two days - the verbage has escalated. It was already beyond the line in my mind, and this has blown that out of the water.

I will be informing the VP tomorrow that if I don't hear back that the Bully has been suspended, my next call may very well be to the police.

ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!

Sorry about this crap! Report everything. And even better call the kid's parents of your friend. Maybe even the kid's parents of the kid and his friend that did it and the friend of the friend. Definitely your son's friend's parents! All the principals! The cops! The town community! The PTA! Everyone has to know about this.

RedKingGold · 09-21-2011, 07:42 PM

To paraphrase the immortal words of RPI-Fan, "Although I am a lawyer, this is not legal advice and proceed in your own peril."

By chance, does your child have a diagnosed disability (think broadly, i.e. ADHD)? If so, you might want to contact a lawyer with knowledge in education law and ask about your rights pursuant to the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act).

I have seen cases where a school's refusal to get involved with peer-on-peer bullying has led to a legal remedy. If anything, perhaps a lawyer could draft for you a strongly worded demand letter to get the school district's attention for a reasonable cost.

RedKingGold · 09-21-2011, 07:44 PM

Also, I believe some states (New Jersey comes to mind) have passed anti-bullying statutes/legislation which may provide you a remedy.

dawgfan · 09-21-2011, 08:12 PM

As the father of a 16-month old, this thread has taught/confirmed two things for me:

- Become very familiar with school bullying rules & remedies
- Encourage my son to take up self-defense/martial-arts classes when age-appropriate

Ah, the fun stuff I have to look forward to as a parent...

MrBug708 · 09-21-2011, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tarcone

You need to escalate within the district as well, if the VP doesnt do anything. Go the principal then to the Superintendent.

I would go straight to the superintendent. Right now, you probably get this kid suspended but not kicked out of school if you talk to the principal. If you lay heat on the superintendent, he's going to lay even more heat on the principal and down to the vice-principal, who will feel it even more

I would also contact a lawyer to discuss the school districts failure to protect your kid.

I might suggest that you drive your kid to school from now on? It sucks moving your kid to another school because of the actions of another, but maybe a fresh start might do him some good? No idea how he likes his school otherwise

RainMaker · 09-21-2011, 08:51 PM

I would call the police immediately. This is beyond your standard bullying and is now a murderous threats. The kid obviously has some severe issues and has no business being around other kids

rowech · 09-21-2011, 09:00 PM

I'm going to play devil's advocate from the school's position. How do I know Tyke's kid isn't making this up? Can I punish a kid without any evidence but the word of another student? How quickly before that kid's parents come in? It's a vicious cycle for any school.

I'm not calling Tyke's kid a liar but I'm trying to show people why it's so difficult. People act like bullying is just something that can be taken care of by punishing anyone for anything anybody says happened. Most of the time the principal doesn't know the two kids at all so they're judging which kid is more honest and to be truthful, sometimes it's really tough to tell when some kids are lying.

For the record, I would as a parent absolutely press the issue as far as possible and as quickly as possible. Just understand that from the school's position, unless they have some real evidence/witnesses that this taking place, other than the person involved, their hands are tied.

That's why we as a society have to find a way to get kids who witness these things and aren't involved to understand that it's okay to come forward and tell on these kids. I think someone else mentioned this as well.

cougarfreak · 09-21-2011, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

I'm going to play devil's advocate from the school's position. How do I know Tyke's kid isn't making this up? Can I punish a kid without any evidence but the word of another student? How quickly before that kid's parents come in? It's a vicious cycle for any school.

I'm not calling Tyke's kid a liar but I'm trying to show people why it's so difficult. People act like bullying is just something that can be taken care of by punishing anyone for anything anybody says happened. Most of the time the principal doesn't know the two kids at all so they're judging which kid is more honest and to be truthful, sometimes it's really tough to tell when some kids are lying.

For the record, I would as a parent absolutely press the issue as far as possible and as quickly as possible. Just understand that from the school's position, unless they have some real evidence/witnesses that this taking place, other than the person involved, their hands are tied.

That's why we as a society have to find a way to get kids who witness these things and aren't involved to understand that it's okay to come forward and tell on these kids. I think someone else mentioned this as well.

You call the kid in, and he'd fold like a cheap suit. He'd cry and admit it. I've seen it happen time and time again.

RainMaker · 09-21-2011, 09:10 PM

Honestly, it's not Tyke's problem what the position of the school is. His child has had his life threatened. Informing the school at this point is a courtesy before contacting the police and having this kid arrested.

cougarfreak · 09-21-2011, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tyketime

UPDATE#2 - When I got home from work tonight, my son said the Bully waited until he got off the bus this morning (so before I called to report the first incident), and then said to his friend (the same kid he offered to pay $10 to beat my son up) "Let's murder this kid". He said it loud enough that my son's friend also heard it.

I am freaking livid!!!!!

I wish I had known earlier so I could have called the Vice Principal back today. Not only are these two separate incidents on two days - the verbage has escalated. It was already beyond the line in my mind, and this has blown that out of the water.

I will be informing the VP tomorrow that if I don't hear back that the Bully has been suspended, my next call may very well be to the police.

ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!

Ok, I've been in education a long time, and one of my best friends is our AP at our school. This is what you do, call the police tonight, report it. Be calm, but tell them YOUR kid feels UNSAFE at the school. Then tomorrow morning, you don't let your son ride the bus. YOU take your son to school, and tell them you want to meet with the principal immediately, as your son feels UNSAFE at the school, on the bus, and at the bus stop (these are all well within the school's jurisdiction). Your son's school probably has an SRO, and he needs to be there. Tell them numerous times, you and your son feel UNSAFE in the school environment. Don't bring up a lawyer, or anything like that, unless they don't agree to do anything immediately. Obviously, you can't be there when they deal with this little treasure, but if I were you, I wouldn't leave your son there tomorrow either. This let's them know you feel that he is, indeed in danger (which is well warranted). Tell them you want to be notified when you can bring your child back to a SAFE school enviornment.

RainMaker · 09-21-2011, 09:15 PM

The kid should have a restraining order on him right now. He threatened to murder him. While I understand the bullying aspect, this is beyond that at this point.

rowech · 09-21-2011, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RainMaker

Honestly, it's not Tyke's problem what the position of the school is. His child has had his life threatened. Informing the school at this point is a courtesy before contacting the police and having this kid arrested.

If you really believe a cop is going to arrest this kid over this, you've got a screw loose. At best they will come down, put a massive scare into the kid and call the kid's parents.

I would advise you to save the time and call the police now. I can all but guarantee they won't suspend the kid over it without the testimony of your son's friend and/or more than likely the kid folding.

RainMaker · 09-21-2011, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

If you really believe a cop is going to arrest this kid over this, you've got a screw loose. At best they will come down, put a massive scare into the kid and call the kid's parents.

I would advise you to save the time and call the police now. I can all but guarantee they won't suspend the kid over it without the testimony of your son's friend and/or more than likely the kid folding.

I'm not saying he shouldn't do it. I'm just saying that if a school gives a bunch of fluffy reasons why they can't do anything, it's not Tyke's problem. His only responsibility is to his own kid and not the issues the school faces.

The police can put a scare into the kid, and a restraining order can do a lot too. I think the police report shows the school how serious you take this. I guess my concern would be that the school views it as some minor taunting while I believe a death threat is rather serious.

cougarfreak · 09-21-2011, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

I ran this situation to see what my wife's school would do. She teaches 6th grade (I'm high school) and she said it's just like an incident they had last year. The teachers knew this girl was bullying other girls and every time they sent something to the office, they were told they couldn't do anything until an actual teacher witnessed it. They tried and tried but it took months before they finally got her.

It sucks. I know it sucks but I'm telling you to just screw the school and go to the police about it. The school's hands are going to be tied and you're never going to get what you're looking for without a big change in the scenario.

What state do you teach in?

JonInMiddleGA · 09-21-2011, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrBug708

I would go straight to the superintendent. Right now, you probably get this kid suspended but not kicked out of school if you talk to the principal. If you lay heat on the superintendent, he's going to lay even more heat on the principal and down to the vice-principal, who will feel it even more

Shit does tend to flow downhill, this isn't a bad plan at all afaic. I've also found that mentioning plans that involve notifying the media can work wonders to remove all sorts of obstacles.

cougarfreak · 09-21-2011, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rowech

Ohio. I've taught at two different schools, my wife at one, and my mother-in-law in one and I have no doubt it would be handled the same way at every one of them. Seen it way too many times.

That's mind boggling to me.

tarcone · 09-21-2011, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrBug708

I would go straight to the superintendent. Right now, you probably get this kid suspended but not kicked out of school if you talk to the principal. If you lay heat on the superintendent, he's going to lay even more heat on the principal and down to the vice-principal, who will feel it even more

I would also contact a lawyer to discuss the school districts failure to protect your kid.

I might suggest that you drive your kid to school from now on? It sucks moving your kid to another school because of the actions of another, but maybe a fresh start might do him some good? No idea how he likes his school otherwise

If you do this, the 1st question will be "Did you contact the Principal?" There is a process that needs to be followed. You jump straight to the top and you become that "crazy" parent. And what you say wont be taken as seriously.
Maybe not, but most likely yes.

I would follow what cougarfreak said about your child feeling UNSAFE. Anytime the safety of a child comes into question, action will be taken. If you approach it this way, you will get fast action.

If your not satisfied with the Principals response, then you jump to the next person up. Then the poop starts rolling downhill. But you have to follow the steps up the ladder.

Chubby · 09-22-2011, 05:17 AM

Is this only happening on the bus (it seems like the only place your child is running into the bully is on the bus/getting off the bus)? Any way you can get the bully kicked off the bus?

I also 2nd the cops route

09-21-2011, 09:11 AM	#4
PilotMan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Seven miles up	I'll echo some sentiments here. You have to go in hard and fast on the school. Let them know what the expectations are that you have and tell that they better meet them or else. They are fully responsible while your child is on a school bus and they are solely held accountable. Be aggressive with it, leave no room for miscommunication. Make sure they know you will follow up quickly. This needs to be handled today. Even if your son is small, make sure that he knows that even in the face of a bully he needs to still stand up for himself. Praise him for making the right decision, both with the bully and telling you. Back him up so that he knows he can go to you again, and won't be burned by telling you, or that you won't do enough. If it comes to blows, he has to fight, punishment be damned, and let him know you back him up there too. Even if this kid is bigger, older, will easily win, he has to know that he will be allowed to defend himself, and that he should. __________________ He's just like if Snow White was competitive, horny, and capable of beating the shit out of anyone that called her Pops. Like Steam? Join the FOFC Steam group here: http://steamcommunity.com/groups/FOFConSteam

09-21-2011, 09:17 AM	#5
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	Echoing PilotMan to infinity on the importance of praising him for making the right call in telling you. Don't get me wrong here Tyke, from the sound of your post I'm pretty darned sure you're doing that already without prompting ... but I don't think a little positive reinforcement for you on that decision is a bad thing __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis

09-21-2011, 09:17 AM	#6
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	Sounds like if the bully needs help passing a drug test, I'd bring that up in the casual conversation to the principal about this and that would give the school another means with which to get the bully in trouble SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!"

09-21-2011, 10:16 AM	#8
DanGarion Coordinator Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The Great Northwest	Kick the kid's ass. __________________ Los Angeles Dodgers Check out the FOFC Groups on Facebook! and Reddit! DON'T REPORT ME BRO! Last edited by DanGarion : 09-21-2011 at 10:17 AM.

09-21-2011, 11:17 AM	#12
MacroGuru Coordinator Join Date: May 2003 Location: Utah	I hear you Tyke.. My son is in 6th grade, which is middle school here. 3 8th graders attacked him in school last week. Nothing light either.The put a plastic bag over his head and proceeded to punch him in the stomach. They ran and took his stuff. He went to the office and told on them. They were caught and get this, only given in school suspension for a week. I was on the phone as soon as I found out about it letting the 6th grade principal have it. I told him I wanted the kids heads served up on a platter, I want to see the zero tolerance in effect, because next time they do it to someone, they will make sure that person won't tell on them. I might have well turned around and spoke to the wall with the response I got from him. I then gave my son complete and total permission to defend himself and I don't care what happens to the other kid, you have my support. __________________ "forgetting what is in the past, I strive for the future"

09-21-2011, 08:52 AM	#2
JonInMiddleGA Hall Of Famer Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Behind Enemy Lines in Athens, GA	1st call: to the principal, hopefully they'll follow through & lay the wood to the asshole 2nd call: If you're genuinely concerned about retribution (beyond the scope of something stupid like the asshole flipping off your house when he rides past) then you proactively call the cops & start doing whatever is needed to get a restraining order against the little fucker. __________________ "I lit another cigarette. Unless I specifically inform you to the contrary, I am always lighting another cigarette." - from a novel by Martin Amis

09-21-2011, 08:56 AM	#3
Barkeep49 Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Not too far away	Speaking as a teacher/administrator, is doing nothing going to really protect your son? Maybe, maybe not. The real key to bullying is to get the bystanders to say something, but obviously that's not something your son can control. So I would do what you can control and make the call. Obviously the bully has issues else he wouldn't be needing to pass a drug test. Share with the principal your concern over making your son a target for retaliation, there might be something the principal can do to enforce the zero tolerance without putting your son at the center. I would also talk with your son about how to deal with the bully. Confidence goes a long way. Good luck. These situations certainly aren't easy, but as you say you've got to deal with it somehow.

09-21-2011, 10:30 AM	#11
tyketime College Benchwarmer Join Date: Nov 2003	UPDATE: I did speak with the Principal this morning. Actually it was a Vice-Principal. There are several in the school, and assignments are based on last names. So this particular Vice Principal is not familiar with the other kid, but assured me the first thing he would do would be to speak to the other Vice Principal to see if the kid already has any sort of disciplinary record. So the steps are as follows: 1. Vice Principal will call my son down to office and get specifics from him. 2. VP will check to see if kid already has disciplinary issues. 3. VP will speak to kid immediately. He told me it will be relayed that other kids on the bus reported the Bully and that this will stop ASAP. If this is his first offense, he will probably get away with a warning (their experience says if there is immediate punishment (obviously all of this is also based on the "severity" of the aggression), the likelihood of inciting a response from the bully increases. They will also immediately schedule a Parent conference where it will be made very clear that any further acts will result in severe consequences. I got off the phone sick to my stomach. In my heart, I know I did the right thing. The rest is "out of my control", and that's disheartening for a parent... Sorry - I read too much shit these days about out of control kids.

09-21-2011, 11:30 AM	#13
JediKooter Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego	I would have called the cops and had them arrested for assault. __________________ I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4

09-21-2011, 11:57 AM	#16
Logan Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: NYC	Unreal...stuff like this makes me not even want to have kids. I get heartbroken enough just hearing from my sister how my 6yo niece got so sad about a girl being mean to her. I give you guys credit for dealing with it intelligently. BTW, you should've gotten your kid some weed and then had him take the test for the kid .

09-21-2011, 12:34 PM	#18
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	I dunno, I was always coached by my father that if a bully is messing with me, to laugh it off and make it less enjoyable for them, don't let em see you are bothered by it.. It always seemed to work. I would maybe get bullied here and there, but once they found that I had a thick skin and laughed it off, they didn't bother me any more. The one bully that pushed me too far was more of an annoying pest than a bully and I just caught him off guard one day and scared/got his attention enough that he left me alone. I understand that as parents bullying is something to worry about, but really in my opinion it is true that overcoming it without your parents intervention "gives you character". I was never a popular kid, but by the end of my time in school, I was respected enough that no one saw me as a target. My opinion, keep an eye on things, but unless something starts to get out of hand, I don't see anything really scary about this. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

09-21-2011, 12:49 PM	#20
Toddzilla Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Burke, VA	You know what the problem is? They took Bugs Bunny off the air. Now kids don't know how to stand up to bullies that are bigger and stronger than them. They don't know how to laugh it off, never show fear, and generally make it a pain in the ass for the bullies to keep bullying. I know that's simplistic, but it shouldn't take an incident like the OPs for us to teach our kids how to protect themselves. Last edited by Toddzilla : 09-21-2011 at 12:49 PM.

09-21-2011, 03:00 PM	#21
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	MAcro's situation is crazy, I would call the cops for sure and talk to those kids parents as well. Sadly it seems most of this behavior is learned at home and you either have parents who claim they have no idea their kid is a bully, or ones who defend their kids, which is why they are the way they are. As for your son, I would continue to give him positive reinforcement and teach him its not ok to start a fight but it is ok to finish one.

09-21-2011, 03:53 PM	#22
Toddzilla Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Burke, VA	I bust Jon's balls every chance I get, justified or not, but I gotta say I'd be happy for him to stick up for my kid anyday.

09-21-2011, 06:51 PM	#24
tyketime College Benchwarmer Join Date: Nov 2003	UPDATE#2 - When I got home from work tonight, my son said the Bully waited until he got off the bus this morning (so before I called to report the first incident), and then said to his friend (the same kid he offered to pay $10 to beat my son up) "Let's murder this kid". He said it loud enough that my son's friend also heard it. I am freaking livid!!!!! I wish I had known earlier so I could have called the Vice Principal back today. Not only are these two separate incidents on two days - the verbage has escalated. It was already beyond the line in my mind, and this has blown that out of the water. I will be informing the VP tomorrow that if I don't hear back that the Bully has been suspended, my next call may very well be to the police. ENOUGH WITH THIS SHIT!

09-21-2011, 07:01 PM	#25
tarcone Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Pacific	You need to escalate within the district as well, if the VP doesnt do anything. Go the principal then to the Superintendent.

09-21-2011, 07:08 PM	#28
JediKooter Coordinator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: San Diego via Sausalito via San Jose via San Diego	Especially since the kid seems to be worried about passing a drug test. He may already be on probation or something already for something he's done. __________________ I'm no longer a Chargers fan, they are dead to me Coming this summer to a movie theater near you: The Adventures of Jedikooter: Part 4

09-21-2011, 07:19 PM	#29
Toddzilla Pro Starter Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: Burke, VA	Yep - call the cops and make it clear to that kid's parents that you have a lawyer at the ready should the courts need to get involved.

09-21-2011, 07:30 PM	#30
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	Yeah, I would call the police tonight. This kid obviously has had issues in the past with drug use and I wouldn't drag my feet on this. I would also advise your son to stick with his friends and be aware of his surroundings when alone

09-21-2011, 07:39 PM	#32
cougarfreak College Starter Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Out of Grad School Hell :)	I know in the state of KY, when a bullying incident is reported to an administrator in the school, paperwork is automatically generated that gets sent to the police. In our case, it's the school resource officer. I know ours, and he would be proactive, and talk to the little shit and tell him if he messes with your kid, there will be charges filed. Hopefully NJ has something similar. __________________ “I don’t like the Cubs,” Joey Votto said. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back."

09-21-2011, 07:42 PM	#34
RedKingGold College Starter Join Date: Oct 2002	To paraphrase the immortal words of RPI-Fan, "Although I am a lawyer, this is not legal advice and proceed in your own peril." By chance, does your child have a diagnosed disability (think broadly, i.e. ADHD)? If so, you might want to contact a lawyer with knowledge in education law and ask about your rights pursuant to the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). I have seen cases where a school's refusal to get involved with peer-on-peer bullying has led to a legal remedy. If anything, perhaps a lawyer could draft for you a strongly worded demand letter to get the school district's attention for a reasonable cost. Last edited by RedKingGold : 09-21-2011 at 07:43 PM.

09-21-2011, 07:44 PM	#35
RedKingGold College Starter Join Date: Oct 2002	Also, I believe some states (New Jersey comes to mind) have passed anti-bullying statutes/legislation which may provide you a remedy.

09-21-2011, 08:12 PM	#36
dawgfan Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Seattle	As the father of a 16-month old, this thread has taught/confirmed two things for me: - Become very familiar with school bullying rules & remedies - Encourage my son to take up self-defense/martial-arts classes when age-appropriate Ah, the fun stuff I have to look forward to as a parent...

09-21-2011, 08:51 PM	#38
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	I would call the police immediately. This is beyond your standard bullying and is now a murderous threats. The kid obviously has some severe issues and has no business being around other kids Last edited by RainMaker : 09-21-2011 at 08:52 PM.

09-21-2011, 09:00 PM	#39
rowech Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2006	I'm going to play devil's advocate from the school's position. How do I know Tyke's kid isn't making this up? Can I punish a kid without any evidence but the word of another student? How quickly before that kid's parents come in? It's a vicious cycle for any school. I'm not calling Tyke's kid a liar but I'm trying to show people why it's so difficult. People act like bullying is just something that can be taken care of by punishing anyone for anything anybody says happened. Most of the time the principal doesn't know the two kids at all so they're judging which kid is more honest and to be truthful, sometimes it's really tough to tell when some kids are lying. For the record, I would as a parent absolutely press the issue as far as possible and as quickly as possible. Just understand that from the school's position, unless they have some real evidence/witnesses that this taking place, other than the person involved, their hands are tied. That's why we as a society have to find a way to get kids who witness these things and aren't involved to understand that it's okay to come forward and tell on these kids. I think someone else mentioned this as well.

09-21-2011, 09:10 PM	#41
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	Honestly, it's not Tyke's problem what the position of the school is. His child has had his life threatened. Informing the school at this point is a courtesy before contacting the police and having this kid arrested.

09-21-2011, 09:15 PM	#43
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	The kid should have a restraining order on him right now. He threatened to murder him. While I understand the bullying aspect, this is beyond that at this point.

09-22-2011, 05:17 AM	#50
Chubby Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Syracuse, NY	Is this only happening on the bus (it seems like the only place your child is running into the bully is on the bus/getting off the bus)? Any way you can get the bully kicked off the bus? I also 2nd the cops route

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)