Alrighty bastages, I'll play by myself: Formula De' Experiment

mrsimperless · 07-18-2005, 11:52 PM

Well bastages, I guess nobody wants to play Formula De'. Someone could have at least had the common decency to say my idea SUCKED.

Ok, well you asked for it then...

mrsimperless · 07-18-2005, 11:54 PM

Dateline: Monaco July 18, 2005

Michelin snafu causes Monaco race cancellation!

Due to more problems with tire designs by manufacturer Michelin, Bernie Eccelstein has just announced that the 2005 Monaco Grand Prix (does such an event even exist??) has been CANCELLED. Apparently the "round" shape of the tires has caused some of the racing machines to achieve frighteningly dangerous speeds causing all of the drivers in the field to withdraw from the prestigious event.

Famed driver Michale Schumacher had this to say about the news: "Shit, dawg. These cars aint safe, ya dig? Michael Schumacher don't play no 200 kilometers per hour! We need some restricta plates an shit fo' I get MY ass back out there!"

Today's announcement comes on the heels of last month's disappointment at the US Grand Prix. Could this be the middle of the end of the F1 as we know it? Stay tuned...

Izulde · 07-19-2005, 12:18 AM

.... Turning Michael Schumacher into someone who sounds like he's straight out of Compton or something?

Yeah, okay, Schumacher is a straight-up arrogant ass, but still.. that's just... wrong. :P

mrsimperless · 07-19-2005, 01:44 AM

F1 Announces Replacement Field for Monaco Race
In another surprise move Bernie Ecclestein held a press conference today announcing that the entire field for the Monaco Grand Prix has been replaced and that the race will go on as originally scheduled.

"A bunch of pussies!" lamented Ecclestein. "The drivers we had in F1 were a bunch of wine sipping, metrosexual, athlete wannabe pussies! If they're too scared to race on round tires, fine by me! Let them split off and form their own square-tired circuit. But the race will go on!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to announce to you today that we have a NEW field of drivers starting with this week's event right here in Monaco! We have scoured the earth non-stop for the last 8 minutes searching for the best of the best, the whitty, the ingenious, the cocky, the funny, the brave. I am now thrilled to present to you.... the drivers of FOFC!

Team "Nerdy but hiding behind sports to look cool" (blue)
Solecismic blue body - white tail
Marc Vaughn blue body - red tail
World renowned sports text sim writers Jim Gindin and Marc Vaughn team up to form this amazing brain trust. Sure, they're computer nerds. But they write sports text sims! So they're cool! What was that? What's a sports text sim? Well, you take a popular sport based upon your geographic locale and write a computer program that simulates players and matches using complex algorithms that realistically... what's that? Graphics? No, there's no graphics, but the immersion factor and replayability are.. what? No, you don't use a control pad! You just point and click mostly and occasionally enter some input through they keyboard. Look, you're missing the point here. The games aren't about juke moves or turbo speed they're about an accurate simulation and building a program from the ground up. *sigh*... Nevermind, just go back and play more NCAA06.... And let me know how those SLIDERS work out for ya!

Team "Old Balls" (white)
Buccaneer white body - green tail
WSUCougar white body - yellow tail
The four jewels sported by this team have seen more years than anyone knows, or can even count to.
Reporter: "Buccanner, is it true that you and Cougs have teamed up to form an F1 racing team?"
Bucc: "Yes, that's correct."
Reporter: "But have you considered... I mean..."
Bucc: ???
Reporter: "What I'm trying to say is... your balls! I mean, they're just so OLD!"
Bucc: "I say sir! That comment is uncalled for and I will not sit here and..."
Reporter: "You've got old, OLD balls! Look!! For the love of God, look at them!! You're got hairy, old man balls!! How can you live like that?? LOOK AT THEM!!!"

Team "Pimp" (green)
HornsManiac green body - blue tail
Johnny93g green body - yellow tail
Lock up your wives, mothers and daughters! The one-two punch of this libidic duo can reel the women in with tried and true internet chat room techiniques, and then hold onto them forever with creepy stalking and flowers, flowers, flowers!

Team "Werewolf" (red)
Peregrine red body - white tail
KWhit red body - green tail
The blood will definitely be flowing this team's color when these guys come to town! Werewolf master Peregrine and his protege KWhit look to try and "claw" their way to the front of the pack. Is that a man behind the wheel of that round-wheeled racing machine, or beast?
Wait, is there something wrong with his car or did he just LET me pass him? Or did he expect me to THINK that he let me pass him by knowing that I would think that he wouldn't be thinking the unexpected? But wait, I KNEW that he passed KWhit, so he HAD to be just pretending to have engine problems when I passed him. Unless of course KWhit was part of the plot, in which case this whole line of reasoning is worthless. Is there any point to all of this?

Team "Femme Fatale" (yellow)
Farrah Whitworth-Rahn yellow body - red tail
mrskippy yellow body - blue tail
With the success and media blitz of Danika Patrick in the Indy Racing League, F1 has announced not just one, but an entire racing TEAM of female drivers! These girls can negotiate hairpin turns at dizzying speeds and STILL get their lipstick put on straight!

Next Up: Qualifications

mrsimperless · 07-20-2005, 01:38 AM

Qualifications
It was a beautiful day for qualifications here in Monaco and things went off without a hitch. Congratulations to this years pole winner, Buccaneer! (Incidentally, he did not field questions after his record setting run.)

Qualification Results
1. Buccaneer - 1'15"134
2. Peregrine - 1'15"975
3. Solecismic - 1'16"699
4. Johnny93g - 1'16"788
5. mrskippy - 1'17"887
6. KWhit - 1'18"540
7. WSUCougar - 1'18"591
8. Farrah Whitworth-Rahn - 1'19"008
9. Marc Vaughn - 1'19"641
10. HornsManiac - wrecked, front stretch

As you can see, HornsManiac wrecked in the front stretch and will be starting at the back of the field.

Next Up: The Track

mrsimperless · 07-20-2005, 01:56 AM

The Track: Monaco
World renowned race track Monaco is steeped in tradition and a fitting backdrop for this race of races. When the pilgrims landed in Monaco in 1905 and first laid eyes on the race track they coined it "Cirque de Stupende", or stupendous circuit. This track lives up to it's ancient name and more as it has evolved over the years into it's present form and took on the nickname of "Monaco" after the french invasion of 1961, which it still proudly bears to this day. Miniature boats and giant jet skis adorn the landscape as fans have flocked from the sixteen corners of the globe to witness this event.

The Turns
10 turns make up the craziness of this track, including turn number five, also known as "ridicuality". Many a dream has been crushed and races lost by the unwary driver who underestimates ridicuality or any of the other challenges at Monaco.

Turn 1
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 7
Shortest Route: 3

Turn 2
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 10
Shortest Route: 5

Turn 3
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 6
Shortest Route: 2

Turn 4
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 6
Shortest Route: 2

Turn 5 aka "Ridicuality"
Required Stops: 3
Longest Route: 18
Shortest Route: 8

Turn 6
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 7
Shortest Route: 3

Turn 7
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 7
Shortest Route: 3

Turn 8
Required Stops: 2
Longest Route: 13
Shortest Route: 9

Turn 9
Required Stops: 2
Longest Route: 11
Shortest Route: 6

Turn 10
Required Stops: 1
Longest Route: 6
Shortest Route: 2

Next Up: Driver Sheets

mrsimperless · 07-26-2005, 02:46 PM

Driver Sheets

Team "Nerdy but hiding behind sports to look cool" (blue)
Solecismic blue body - white tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Marc Vaughn blue body - red tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Team "Old Balls" (white)
Buccaneer white body - green tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

WSUCougar white body - yellow tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Team "Pimp" (green)
HornsManiac green body - blue tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Johnny93g green body - yellow tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Team "Werewolf" (red)
Peregrine red body - white tail
Current Gear: 2
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

KWhit red body - green tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

Team "Femme Fatale" (yellow)
Farrah Whitworth-Rahn yellow body - red tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

mrskippy yellow body - blue tail
Current Gear: 3
Tires: 4
Brakes: 3
Fuel: 2
Body: 2
Engine: 2

mrsimperless · 07-26-2005, 03:35 PM

Turn 1
Peregrin gets a jump on Buccaneer out of the gate, but Buccaneer jumps back ahead as they head into the first turn. Also, Peregrine's early move cost him a gear as he had to keep it 2nd gear on his third die roll to make sure he didn't overshoot the corner. It looks like he could easily fall back to fourth or worse very shortly as he's currently the only car not in 3rd gear, with a fairly long straight away just ahead.

HornsManiac's troubles continue as he is now even more firmly in last place.

Current Running Order
1. Buccaneer
2. Peregrine
3. Solecismic
4. Johnny93g
5. mrskippy
6. KWhit
7. WSUCougar
8. Farrah Whitworth-Rahn
9. Marc Vaughn
10. HornsManiac

Greendiver · 07-26-2005, 09:14 PM

There is a great computer freeware version of the game available at:

http://formulede.online.free.fr/downloadFD.php

The site is in french, but if you haven't found it I think you'll find it interesting.

Mr. Wednesday · 07-30-2005, 09:18 PM

The freeware version is outstanding. It looks like they've converted a bunch of board tracks (right down to basically scans of them for the background). Unfortunately, the AI has a lot of trouble with certain situations on the track. One side effect is that on all but a "fast" track, if you play three laps, the AI tends to have a severe crashing problem.

Greendiver · 08-01-2005, 11:53 AM

Yeah, I agree about the computer AI on certain courses. I keep looking for an update since it is version 0.942 or something similar, but I haven't seen any hint.

What I do enjoy, however, is the ability to run races by controlling all 10 cars. It's not a bad solo game that way, and it is much quicker to play and keep track of all the car conditions than the board game. Besides, I have one set of tracks with the board game. The freeware game gives me a chance to play almost all of them.

CHEMICAL SOLDIER · 08-05-2005, 12:22 AM

Keep this dynastie going. I want in on the next go around.

07-18-2005, 11:54 PM	#2
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	Dateline: Monaco July 18, 2005 Michelin snafu causes Monaco race cancellation! Due to more problems with tire designs by manufacturer Michelin, Bernie Eccelstein has just announced that the 2005 Monaco Grand Prix (does such an event even exist??) has been CANCELLED. Apparently the "round" shape of the tires has caused some of the racing machines to achieve frighteningly dangerous speeds causing all of the drivers in the field to withdraw from the prestigious event. Famed driver Michale Schumacher had this to say about the news: "Shit, dawg. These cars aint safe, ya dig? Michael Schumacher don't play no 200 kilometers per hour! We need some restricta plates an shit fo' I get MY ass back out there!" Today's announcement comes on the heels of last month's disappointment at the US Grand Prix. Could this be the middle of the end of the F1 as we know it? Stay tuned... __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site.

07-19-2005, 12:18 AM	#3
Izulde Head Coach Join Date: Sep 2004	.... Turning Michael Schumacher into someone who sounds like he's straight out of Compton or something? Yeah, okay, Schumacher is a straight-up arrogant ass, but still.. that's just... wrong. :P __________________ 2006 Golden Scribe Nominee 2006 Golden Scribe Winner Best Non-Sport Dynasty: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty) Rookie Writer of the Year Dynasty of the Year: May Our Reign Be Green and Golden (CK Dynasty)

07-19-2005, 01:44 AM	#4
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	F1 Announces Replacement Field for Monaco Race In another surprise move Bernie Ecclestein held a press conference today announcing that the entire field for the Monaco Grand Prix has been replaced and that the race will go on as originally scheduled. "A bunch of pussies!" lamented Ecclestein. "The drivers we had in F1 were a bunch of wine sipping, metrosexual, athlete wannabe pussies! If they're too scared to race on round tires, fine by me! Let them split off and form their own square-tired circuit. But the race will go on!" "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to announce to you today that we have a NEW field of drivers starting with this week's event right here in Monaco! We have scoured the earth non-stop for the last 8 minutes searching for the best of the best, the whitty, the ingenious, the cocky, the funny, the brave. I am now thrilled to present to you.... the drivers of FOFC! Team "Nerdy but hiding behind sports to look cool" (blue) Solecismic blue body - white tail Marc Vaughn blue body - red tail World renowned sports text sim writers Jim Gindin and Marc Vaughn team up to form this amazing brain trust. Sure, they're computer nerds. But they write sports text sims! So they're cool! What was that? What's a sports text sim? Well, you take a popular sport based upon your geographic locale and write a computer program that simulates players and matches using complex algorithms that realistically... what's that? Graphics? No, there's no graphics, but the immersion factor and replayability are.. what? No, you don't use a control pad! You just point and click mostly and occasionally enter some input through they keyboard. Look, you're missing the point here. The games aren't about juke moves or turbo speed they're about an accurate simulation and building a program from the ground up. sigh... Nevermind, just go back and play more NCAA06.... And let me know how those SLIDERS work out for ya! Team "Old Balls" (white) Buccaneer white body - green tail WSUCougar white body - yellow tail The four jewels sported by this team have seen more years than anyone knows, or can even count to. Reporter: "Buccanner, is it true that you and Cougs have teamed up to form an F1 racing team?" Bucc: "Yes, that's correct." Reporter: "But have you considered... I mean..." Bucc: ??? Reporter: "What I'm trying to say is... your balls! I mean, they're just so OLD!" Bucc: "I say sir! That comment is uncalled for and I will not sit here and..." Reporter: "You've got old, OLD balls! Look!! For the love of God, look at them!! You're got hairy, old man balls!! How can you live like that?? LOOK AT THEM!!!" Team "Pimp" (green) HornsManiac green body - blue tail Johnny93g green body - yellow tail Lock up your wives, mothers and daughters! The one-two punch of this libidic duo can reel the women in with tried and true internet chat room techiniques, and then hold onto them forever with creepy stalking and flowers, flowers, flowers! Team "Werewolf" (red) Peregrine red body - white tail KWhit red body - green tail The blood will definitely be flowing this team's color when these guys come to town! Werewolf master Peregrine and his protege KWhit look to try and "claw" their way to the front of the pack. Is that a man behind the wheel of that round-wheeled racing machine, or beast? Wait, is there something wrong with his car or did he just LET me pass him? Or did he expect me to THINK that he let me pass him by knowing that I would think that he wouldn't be thinking the unexpected? But wait, I KNEW that he passed KWhit, so he HAD to be just pretending to have engine problems when I passed him. Unless of course KWhit was part of the plot, in which case this whole line of reasoning is worthless. Is there any point to all of this? Team "Femme Fatale" (yellow) Farrah Whitworth-Rahn yellow body - red tail mrskippy yellow body - blue tail With the success and media blitz of Danika Patrick in the Indy Racing League, F1 has announced not just one, but an entire racing TEAM of female drivers! These girls can negotiate hairpin turns at dizzying speeds and STILL get their lipstick put on straight! Next Up: Qualifications __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site. Last edited by mrsimperless : 07-19-2005 at 01:51 AM.

07-20-2005, 01:38 AM	#5
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	Qualifications It was a beautiful day for qualifications here in Monaco and things went off without a hitch. Congratulations to this years pole winner, Buccaneer! (Incidentally, he did not field questions after his record setting run.) Qualification Results 1. Buccaneer - 1'15"134 2. Peregrine - 1'15"975 3. Solecismic - 1'16"699 4. Johnny93g - 1'16"788 5. mrskippy - 1'17"887 6. KWhit - 1'18"540 7. WSUCougar - 1'18"591 8. Farrah Whitworth-Rahn - 1'19"008 9. Marc Vaughn - 1'19"641 10. HornsManiac - wrecked, front stretch As you can see, HornsManiac wrecked in the front stretch and will be starting at the back of the field. Next Up: The Track __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site.

07-20-2005, 01:56 AM	#6
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	The Track: Monaco World renowned race track Monaco is steeped in tradition and a fitting backdrop for this race of races. When the pilgrims landed in Monaco in 1905 and first laid eyes on the race track they coined it "Cirque de Stupende", or stupendous circuit. This track lives up to it's ancient name and more as it has evolved over the years into it's present form and took on the nickname of "Monaco" after the french invasion of 1961, which it still proudly bears to this day. Miniature boats and giant jet skis adorn the landscape as fans have flocked from the sixteen corners of the globe to witness this event. The Turns 10 turns make up the craziness of this track, including turn number five, also known as "ridicuality". Many a dream has been crushed and races lost by the unwary driver who underestimates ridicuality or any of the other challenges at Monaco. Turn 1 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 7 Shortest Route: 3 Turn 2 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 10 Shortest Route: 5 Turn 3 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 6 Shortest Route: 2 Turn 4 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 6 Shortest Route: 2 Turn 5 aka "Ridicuality" Required Stops: 3 Longest Route: 18 Shortest Route: 8 Turn 6 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 7 Shortest Route: 3 Turn 7 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 7 Shortest Route: 3 Turn 8 Required Stops: 2 Longest Route: 13 Shortest Route: 9 Turn 9 Required Stops: 2 Longest Route: 11 Shortest Route: 6 Turn 10 Required Stops: 1 Longest Route: 6 Shortest Route: 2 Next Up: Driver Sheets __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site.

07-26-2005, 02:46 PM	#7
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	Driver Sheets Team "Nerdy but hiding behind sports to look cool" (blue) Solecismic blue body - white tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Marc Vaughn blue body - red tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Team "Old Balls" (white) Buccaneer white body - green tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 WSUCougar white body - yellow tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Team "Pimp" (green) HornsManiac green body - blue tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Johnny93g green body - yellow tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Team "Werewolf" (red) Peregrine red body - white tail Current Gear: 2 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 KWhit red body - green tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 Team "Femme Fatale" (yellow) Farrah Whitworth-Rahn yellow body - red tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 mrskippy yellow body - blue tail Current Gear: 3 Tires: 4 Brakes: 3 Fuel: 2 Body: 2 Engine: 2 __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site. Last edited by mrsimperless : 07-26-2005 at 04:17 PM.

07-26-2005, 03:35 PM	#8
mrsimperless College Prospect Join Date: Apr 2003	Turn 1 Peregrin gets a jump on Buccaneer out of the gate, but Buccaneer jumps back ahead as they head into the first turn. Also, Peregrine's early move cost him a gear as he had to keep it 2nd gear on his third die roll to make sure he didn't overshoot the corner. It looks like he could easily fall back to fourth or worse very shortly as he's currently the only car not in 3rd gear, with a fairly long straight away just ahead. HornsManiac's troubles continue as he is now even more firmly in last place. Current Running Order 1. Buccaneer 2. Peregrine 3. Solecismic 4. Johnny93g 5. mrskippy 6. KWhit 7. WSUCougar 8. Farrah Whitworth-Rahn 9. Marc Vaughn 10. HornsManiac __________________ "All I know is that smart women are hot. Susan Polgar beat me in 24 moves in a simultaneous exhbition. I slept with the scoresheet under my pillow." Off some dude's web site. Last edited by mrsimperless : 07-26-2005 at 03:38 PM.

07-26-2005, 09:14 PM	#9
Greendiver n00b Join Date: Jul 2005	There is a great computer freeware version of the game available at: http://formulede.online.free.fr/downloadFD.php The site is in french, but if you haven't found it I think you'll find it interesting.

07-30-2005, 09:18 PM	#10
Mr. Wednesday Pro Starter Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: South Bend, IN	The freeware version is outstanding. It looks like they've converted a bunch of board tracks (right down to basically scans of them for the background). Unfortunately, the AI has a lot of trouble with certain situations on the track. One side effect is that on all but a "fast" track, if you play three laps, the AI tends to have a severe crashing problem. __________________ Hattrick - Brays Bayou FC (70854) / USA III.4 Hockey Arena - Houston Aeros / USA II.1 Thanks to my FOFC Hattrick supporters - Blackout, Brillig, kingfc22, RPI-fan, Rich1033, antbacker, One_to7, ur_land, KevinNU7, and TonyR (PM me if you support me and I've missed you)

08-01-2005, 11:53 AM	#11
Greendiver n00b Join Date: Jul 2005	Yeah, I agree about the computer AI on certain courses. I keep looking for an update since it is version 0.942 or something similar, but I haven't seen any hint. What I do enjoy, however, is the ability to run races by controlling all 10 cars. It's not a bad solo game that way, and it is much quicker to play and keep track of all the car conditions than the board game. Besides, I have one set of tracks with the board game. The freeware game gives me a chance to play almost all of them.

08-05-2005, 12:22 AM	#12
CHEMICAL SOLDIER College Starter Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Henderson, Nevada	Keep this dynastie going. I want in on the next go around. __________________ Toujour Pret

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