YAHD---Everyone panic! The Crawfish have lasers!!! - Page 3

Nyarlahotep · 04-22-2003, 10:52 PM

What the fu*k is a work schedule?

The Afoci · 04-23-2003, 02:51 PM

We don’t have no AC anymore…

At Fighting Crawfish Arena, 10795 punters turned up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden.

Coyotes had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Rodsten - Bagwell, Madden, Säflius, Collins - Nilsson, Castaneda, Davis, Bech Jensen - Tait, Wilburn.

Zane Castaneda still has a lot to learn. Like for instance not to make half-hearted passes in front of Gustav Danielsson who now could score for Fighting. to 1-0. Gustav Danielsson celebrated by being both the perfect amount of cocky and funny all in one. Hornsmaniac_2 would be proud! Mikey Kline of Fighting received a yellow card in the 2nd minute for attaching a Crawfish to the coach of Vienna AC sack! A classic move! A great save by goaltender Mattias Rodsten in the 8:th minute kept the visitors in the game as Ivar “Why can’t my name be Ivan” Rannem struck from the left with a real cannonball. With 25 minutes played ”I am a big mean fire breating” Dragan Simic could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just too high. Coyotes got a chance to level the score as Dean Wilburn suddenly found himself free with the goaltender but the finishing shot hit the bar. In the 27:th minute Coyotess Ronnie Bech Jensen received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. 1 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate.

Man, what a shot by José Javier Gorostarzu! Firing from 35 yards he didn't give the enemy goalie a chance and it was 2 - 0. In the 73rd minute of the match the visitors central line of defence had to look on as Gustav Danielsson dashed through, knocking home 3 - 0 for Fighting. A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 4 - 0. Norbert Darden finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. Fighting made a substitution in the 79:th minute. Dan Woodson limped off the field and was replaced by Enrico Jimeno. A misplaced Crawfish may be the reason for the injury. The home side´s Enrico Jimeno came close to extending the lead in the 79:th minute. His shot came in off the right hand side but Mattias Rodsten managed saving with a fingernail. It was the only thing he did right all day. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 69 percent possession rate.

Most important Fighting player was Gustav Danielsson. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Coyotes player was without a doubt Bennie Madden. Anders 'Kope' Nilsson on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 4 - 0.

We’re into money!

Well not quite, but the Fighting Crawfish are doing much better now. After this game the squad is only $350k in the whole. Plus the newest Youth Pull, Doug Justice is a very high inadequate keeper. He will be trained one week and sold.

The Post Game Press Conference

“This was a great victory for the boys today” said Coach “With the sale of a lot of players, the boys were worried that the team may start sucking Crawfish Balls. Now I would like to introduce the, hippest, freshest, dopest, and studliest Crawfish of the game, Gustav Danielsson.”

Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad grabs his boom box, hits play and lifts it above his head.

“Lets talk about sex baby, Lets talk about you and me…”

Gustav Danielsson walks to the stage and points to Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad and the music goes off. “Gustav would like you all to thank Gustav for the chance to watch Gustav play this game you call soccer. Gustav would like to thank Hornsmaniac_2 for showing me the ways of playmaking and making me more cocky and more funny than Gustav could have other dreamed of. Gustav would like to thank God for making everyone else so bad so that Gustav doesn’t have to try so hard and mess up Gustav’s hair. Gustav would like the ladies to meet him for some fun playing with my balls and I am not talking the soccer ones. Gustav would also like to ask ”You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" to inspect this small rash on my leg…”

The conference ended and everyone left. The Afoci called Number Two over to him. “Number Two, tonight’s ‘friendly’ will be against The West Fargo Stangs won’t be so ‘friendly’. I want you to take them out. Blever_66 is the manager at my day job. Take out the squad!”

Tonight’s grudge match against The Stangs will be for bragging rights around the office. Many Crawfish have been stuck in his desk and "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has been dispatched. We are not to worried about The Stangs as it is suspected that their owner is also the owner of a local gay club, and as he says, I am not only the owner, but a butt muncher. Kind of a weird statement, but he says it all the time…

leverb66 · 04-24-2003, 09:18 AM

We could lose the internet altogether!

The Afoci · 04-24-2003, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by leverb66
We could lose the internet altogether!

Dear god, NO!!!!!! We only tied, imagine what he would have done if I won't have told the guys to go easy on him....

The Afoci · 04-24-2003, 03:06 PM

The Facility the Crawfish were trained and altered. Altered into Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, or as recent attempts had proven, small piles of Crawfish goo once they shot the lasers.

“Number Two” said The Afoci “We have finally completed the first phase of Operation Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, we have a successful test model. This is a day I have dreamt of all my life. I remember when I was only thirteen years old….”

[Flashback]

Hanging Tough, OH OH OH OH uh OH uh OH, Hanging Tough was blaring from the small boom box as The Afoci stood dancing side to side practicing for the upcoming school program. It was to be his big break. His singing career would be launched and The Afoci and The Mighty, Mighty Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws Band would be the next biggest thing since the New Kids on the Block.

By this point of his life, The Afoci was a social outcast, his wardrobe consisted of the finest musical T-shirts of the time. With such innovated artists such as, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Young MC, New Kids on the Block, and Alvin and the Chipmunks sing Christmas Carols. He also the finest Velcro shows that said Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the straps. He lost the ability to tie his shoes when he decide to become like the Crawfish and attached claws to his wrist with duct tape. He was hoping for the nickname Snappy, but people called him, dumb ass and beat him up. The Claws did little in the form of self defense, mainly because they made of cardboard. That also affected the sharpness of them.

The time of the program was upon Young The Afoci and he was very nervous. He gave one last look to the lucky Crawfish he put in his pocket. His goal was simple. Wait for the New Kids on the Block medley to start and he would rush the microphone, grab it and burst into his solo, followed by some mad freestyle rhymes about life in the hood of Hawley MN. He hoped many of his peeps would “feel” him. If only it were his peeps that did…

Out on stage, wearing Zubaz eerily similar to those of Hornsmaniac_2, a New Kids on the Block T-shirt and his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Velcro shoes, he charged the microphone at just the right time and burst into song. His tune carried through the gymnasium beautifully for about 10 seconds until a horrible, horrible accident occurred.

Apparently the movement must have scared the little lucky Crawfish in his pocket. That little Crawfish was able to chew a hole in the pocket, and begun to crawl around in his pants. A terrible shriek was released from The Afoci as the Crawfish latched on to his sack. Struggling with the beast in his pants, he ran around the stage eventually removing his pants and revealing Little The Afoci and the Crawfish attached to his sack. A horrible gasp came from the crowd.

Stunned, The Afoci left the stage embarrassed and humiliated. But he learned something, something that would be very important fact for the future. He knew the pain of the horrible torture that would be known as Crawfish to the sack….But in a weird way, The Afoci knew he liked it. Don’t tell me you have never had the urge to have a Crawfish with is claws clamped down on your sack and his little legs rubbing all over your sack and hard….um nevermind…

[/flashback]

Marmel · 04-24-2003, 03:22 PM

TMI stands for Too Much Information.

The Afoci · 04-26-2003, 10:13 AM

As a minor update here, Doug Justice upgraded to passable @ keeper and will be put on the market on monday...

Look for a huge announcement concerning the Crawfish within 3 days...

The Afoci · 04-28-2003, 09:48 AM

Yet another victory...

The crowd of 3441 turning up at FC Syndicate Arena today were greeted by some nasty showers of rain. Syndicate tactics involved an interesting 5-3-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Vance - Wyman, Ohara, Pereira Barbosa, Ericsson, Gripenstad - Moeller, Harry, Cason - Diamanti, Jackson.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Jimeno, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden.

Fighting took the lead in the games 17:th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Norbert Darden was the scorer. Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem received a play slashing through the home side´s defense in the 33rd minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 0 - 2. The home crowd was not pleased with that one or the fact that someone placed Crawfish under every seat. Many became attached to the sacks of the fans. In the games 41st minute Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem somehow missed a penalty, the keeper accidently prematurely ejaculated in the right direction with such a force, it tipped the ball out of the way. What a great save! Halftime score was 0 - 2. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 72 percent possession of the ball.

The referee showed Fightings Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge about who was the greatest hair band of the eighties. Apparantly the ref was not a fan of Warrant. He contends that it is clearly Poison and that any further discussion would lead to a yellow card. Apparently a Crawfish being attached to your sack is considered similiar to discussion. Norbert Darden came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Joey "Laurence" Vance, hitting the bar. He then said "Wooaahh". The crowd went crazy. Fightings Gustav Danielsson got himself booked after making a play on the cheerleaders. One happened to be underage, but he swears she showed him some ID. Syndicate were forced to a substitution as Perry "I have a" Harry "no need to put anything after the whole Perry "I am a" Harry thing because it is funny enough with out anything else couldn´t continue playing due to the rough treatment during a S & M conference prior to the game. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem could have added one to the visitors lead if his free kick had gone just a little lower. After 78 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Norbert Darden who increased Fighting´s lead to 0 - 3. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 71 percent possession rate.

Syndicate´s best player was Clinton Moeller. Leon Jackson on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Fighting player was Doug Justice. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day and was forced to listen to the self help tape made by Hornsmaniac_2 involving how to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. The match ends 0 - 3.

Overall a good victory. We have decided to keep Doug Justice one more week as we have the best team in our division next week. The Cheesecake are putting up inad midfields now and have not given up a goal yet. We need all the help we can get next week.

The team bus is en route to Fargo ND as you read this and a huge announcement is scheduled upon their return. It will either be later today or tomorrow depending on the number of strip clubs along the way.

Mountain · 04-28-2003, 09:54 AM

How do you know their keeper prematurely ejacualted? It sounds to me like he was just stroking it and timed it perfectly.

The Afoci · 04-28-2003, 01:09 PM

The Bus Pulls into Fargo ND...

Everyone files off the bus and walks to the center of the field. The squad notices that there are more people than the usual security and staff. Members of the media are there and also some FOFCers. The Afoci addresses the squad and assorted members of the media and FOFC.

"Friends, Family, FOFCers and rotten piles of media poo" starts The Afoci "I thank you for showing up today for this huge announcement. Now we are 4-0 on the new season, we have reduced our debt, we must do this. It is what we will be calling The Fighting Crawfish beating the Cheesecake Pre-Game Victory Party. Now a pre-game victory party of this sort will be huge. You are all welcome to send up to 2 players to participate in the festivities. The schedule will be as following.

Tuesday-Kegs show up. Drinking begins.

Wednesday-Friendly Game The Afoci gives speech and strippers show up.

Thursday-A day in the life of Crawfish star “You better guard your daughters or else they will be” Les “their” Cherry”s”.

Friday-Special Guest Speaker Hornsmaniac_2 will be making his comeback appearance with a speech and he will be giving lessons. This will be his first stop on his new book tour for, How to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. Also includes answers submitted by readers of Volume 6, how to deal with the horrible, horrible ass pain associated with being the girl in a man/shemale relationship. He will answer questions too!

Saturday-Drinking

Sunday-Drinking/Game with the Cheesecake

Anyone interested in sending any players to the party, just post here the players name and which events you want them to attend. All events have a open bar, herb, strippers and all the peanut butter you can handle.

Marmel · 04-28-2003, 01:13 PM

I would love to join the festivities, but let it be known I will be wearing a crawfish safe jock strap. No crawfish will be attaching themselves to this sack!

Coffee Warlord · 04-28-2003, 01:19 PM

Let it be known that Galesburg will be sending two representatives to Fargo.

First, 20 year old Ken Shaffer. He's underage, he's insane, and he's jealous of Wiley Otero because he's a far better Winger. But Wiley isn't insane, despite his name. Ken has 4 yellow cards already, so be careful, he might flip out some more and start eating live crawfish.

Next, 27 year old Kenneth Loven. He's also insane, and he just got off the plane from Sweden. He doesn't speak English, and since he is Scandanavian, he may go Viking, flip out, and start raping and pillaging.

Both players plan on arriving drunk, and will be attending all events, assuming they don't flip out.

sterlingice · 04-28-2003, 01:49 PM

While many Hippos want to attend, the two player limit means that those slots will go to our best players.

Goalie Tim Kimber, who is the mild mannered sort and a bit of a wallflower, would like to sign up for Hornsmaniac_2's book signing: he would like to learn the art of being cocky and funny. But, being the boy scout straight-arrow type, was overheard to have said that he doesn't quite understand what a "she-male" is and it sounds like something he really doesn't want to find out about.

Team captain and all around badass Mick Starks is catching the red-eye after the cup game Wednesday since no party that ends at midnight is a party. He is on record as saying that he does not trust Les alone with the strippers. Nor does he want to see them *after* Les has, um... been with them. Mick plans on staying the rest of the week until our fixture on Sunday.

SI

NevStar · 04-28-2003, 02:03 PM

To the delight of many, Morrisvillians starting wingback and blue jeans model "Crazy" Earl Freedom will be attending.

In addition, one of our newer members and Earl's protege, "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski will also be attending.

However, they will not be able to attend until early Thursday, as we have instituted a strict curfew until our Cup game against Slashers. Keep in mind, they'll probably be quite surly following the outcome of that game.

Nyarlahotep · 04-28-2003, 04:45 PM

The Avengers will be sending Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez as our representatives. They will be attending all functions.

mckerney · 04-28-2003, 05:06 PM

A few Square Peg players will be making the short trip from St. Paul to Fargo to attend. Former Crawfish Abel Barretto will be allowed to attend. Only 18, but we don't know what the hell he does on this team anyway so we don't really give a damn. Being Art Frazier has score all are goals in series games this year, he can do whatever the hell he wants so he is planning on attending. Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl will be forced to compete in all drinking games in hope that he'll die of alcohol posioning and we can collect on the issurance policy we have on him.

Aesyrqwe · 04-28-2003, 05:10 PM

White Sox Pride will be sending 2 of their finest: David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien.

Dewitt is a solid scorer on the field, and I was hoping to see how well he does scoring off of the field.

Obrien is just one crazy mofo. After being brought up from the youth squad hes already started 3 bar fights being drunk off his ass. He will be the guy with a tube and funnel waiting for someone to pour the beer so he can start chuggin'...

Have fun with these 2...

-Aes-

leverb66 · 04-28-2003, 07:10 PM

The West Fargo Stangs will send their top two players Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad. They will be particpating in all of the festivities and plan to get drunk out of their minds. Being in V.216 allows them to play at all states of drunkeness and post-drinking, and they can walk home.

robbgmaier · 04-28-2003, 07:30 PM

the goldurnears are proud to send Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree to these fine festivities. We can also send some whores as well, if you don't mind if their wives attend. Oriol wants to make sure every one understands that his nickname "double stuff" does not imply anything about shemales or having crawfish rammed up his ass.

Qwikshot · 04-28-2003, 10:17 PM

The Ultra Nox will send Eli Svarva "Beans" over to represent.

FrogMan · 04-28-2003, 10:27 PM

The Pittbulls will be sending their ace defender, 33 year old Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and their star forward, Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis. They will also be coming with a truck full of Canadian beer, and we're talking some real 9% alcohol beer here

FM

FrogMan · 04-28-2003, 10:28 PM

dola to add that the last post just brought me to division I

FM

DataKing · 04-29-2003, 09:51 AM

The Screamin' Seamen will only be able to send one representative to the festivities, none other than Ben McMahon. We understand that Ben has already formed quite a bond with the Crawfish, and I am sure that he is looking forward to the opportunity to see all his old friends again.

Now if I could just get him to stop weeping and clutching my leg...

Coffee Warlord · 04-29-2003, 10:36 AM

...I didn't know you had my accountant on your team, DK.

(Yep, that's the exact name of the guy who does my taxes.)

The Afoci · 04-30-2003, 10:07 AM

Lets start the pre-victory party now, baby

With the first ever sale of a youth player, The Fighting Crawfish earn approximately $18,000. I feel it is a little low for a 17 y/o inadequate keeper, but $18k is good enough for one hell of a pre-victory party. And with that, let Late Tuesday/Early Wednesdays festivities begin…

As Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad band, Altered, was just finishing setting up one of the sides stages of the festival, FrogMan’s Semi pulls up stocked full of Canadian beer. Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis step out of the semi and walk to the back and open it up.

Panos “Greek God” Kolokotronis looks around…”Where is Hornsmaniac_2?”

Some of the security fill him in that he won’t be in until Friday, although that may not be true considering this is the only party he will be allowed to attend on this board…

Lars-Olaf “Chris Gaines” Uddstad then sets down his bottle of Everclear(a true North Dakota drink and picks up his guitar. His long hair is tied back in a bandana and his jeans look like they have gone through a paper shredder. He hits the first chord of the first song and the crowd goes wild. “Unskinny bop, blows me away, yeah, unskinny bop….”

Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party…

“Come on, just take it off” starts The Afoci “You can trust me, it is good. You are in the secret hide out, there is nothing to be scared of. Perhaps this will help you decide…” He then hands Marmel a mix of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop.

“What is it?” asks Marmel

“Trust me, you will like it” says The Afoci

With that Marmel tips back the glass and drinks the entire contents of the 44 oz big glup kamikaze of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop. Within minutes, the crawfish safe jock strap is off and both of them are sitting bottomless drunk off there asses.

“Here Chavez “the dope finding” Dog” says The Afoci “Here boy…”

Chavez “the dope finding” Dog comes running to them and gives them a weird look. After both Marmel and The Afoci do there best to fight of glaucoma, Chavez speaks. “It better be Jif, because choosy dogs choose Jif”…

Back at the entrance to the party

Two men stumble to the gate and demand in. After further inspection it appears to be two of the West Fargo Stangs. The horrible soccer squad from the West Side of town decided to stop by. Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad play in perhaps the easiest soccer division in all of Hattrick and are masters of the pre-victory parties. Owner of the squad and former Fighting Crawfish Mascot BoB stumbles in drunk behind them. He has no invitation, but who would turn down a 6’6” beast from the east who also happens to be your manager?

“I hate that song!” screams BoB at the stage as Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad begins playing “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. (Sadly Allen Parker looks and sound very similar to a she-male version of Crow). “Play some Dave!!!” screams BoB in reference to the Dave Mathews Band. He then begins to dance.

Approaching the gate now is none other than the representatives of the Galesburg Avengers. Ken Shaffer is first to arrive and jumps into the back of the semi full of Canadian Beer. He returns a few minutes later butt ass naked and begins running through the crowd. Coffee Warlord would be proud. Within minutes he is found passed out with 18 Crawfish attached to his sack. Apparently he thought by diving into the Crawfish pool out back he could sneak attack them and get a great head start on eating all of them…he was wrong. May his sack be in your prayers. God bless.

Anyway, lets hope that there other guys does better. Kenneth “I need some American” Loven comes in, stops and scans the crowd. He is obviously drunk and feels out of place. But who wouldn’t if you came in wearing only a wife beater, some a pair of very short shorts and a huge gold chain that read “Playerz”. He walks to one of the first women he sees and in some very broken English he speaks…

“I have Funny Cock” starts Kenneth “I need some American” Loven “Me want to have intercourse with an American lady. You have large woman melons that I want to…um…um…what is the word…um…oh fuck it wetyt wiqeytpywuqe f pywt ysdfywt sad wtphyasdfhgqyrweptyasdfhi ytsadhwqiuytg awytysfpg.” After what appeared some sort of war call, he buried his head in her chest and passed out some few minutes later due to lack of oxygen. They needed the Jaws of Life to retrieve him from the breasts of the stripper.

After hearing some Spanish music followed by “Olla!” or what ever the bull fighters say, the attention of the crowd turned to Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez of Nyarlahotep squad. Csanád Szabó was playing an acoustic guitar as Fernando Velazquez was wearing a cape and had was running back and forth screaming “Olla!” Upon further inspection, it appears that he is up against [b]Tom[b]. While Tom may not seem scary, Tom is only the scariest Crawfish the Fighting Crawfish have. So instead of a bull, Fernando Velazquez is fighting a Crawfish. After many passes, Tom eventually latches on to his sack. Fernando Velazquez immediately hits the ground in agony and Csanád Szabó rushes to him. He is able to wrestle Tom off Fernando Velazquez sack and immediately puts his mouth on Fernando Velazquez’s sack and begins sucking.

“What in the hell are you doing?” asks Fernando Velazquez

“I am saving your life” says Csanád Szabó “I am sucking out the poison!”

“Alright then, but stop using your teeth” says Fernando Velazquez “…and um…maybe use your hand more.”

“Okay” says Csanád Szabó. About 3 minutes later he speaks again. “Damn, who knew that Crawfish poison was so salty???”

Lets hope alcohol was involved in this one.

That last incident caused quite a commotion and suddenly The Afoci and Marmel come running out of the secret hide out not so far away from the pre-victory party. After surveying the damage, The Afoci realizes everything is going fine and him and Marmel turn and began walking back towards the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party.

“You were right” says Marmel “I really do like the added texture that chunky peanut butter adds to it. And that Chavez “the dope finding” Dog, he has desire like no dog I have been with before.”

“I know what you mean, I know what you mean” says The Afoci as the walk back down the stairs to the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party. As they reach the bottom a bus shows up with mckerney, Aesyrqwe, robbgmaier, Qwikshot, and DataKing representatives for the party. But there are some mysterious figures in the back of the bus, could they be from your squad, or is it just Hornsmaniac_2 under a different alias trying to pick up some she-males. Find out tomorrow!

Havok · 04-30-2003, 11:08 AM

noooo i missed the victory party!!!!!

dammit... i miss all the good stuff

The Afoci · 04-30-2003, 11:24 AM

Just tell me who you want there. They can still come

Marmel · 04-30-2003, 12:50 PM

*hiccup* This is one ass-kicking party. *hiccup*

I am suddenly hungry for a peanut butter sandwich, or maybe being in a peanutbutter sandwich........whatever........give me more booze.

Havok · 04-30-2003, 01:58 PM

The Misfitz will be sending our underachieveing(sp?) 30 year old goalie Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu.

Raven Hawk · 04-30-2003, 03:23 PM

I think that two of those mysterious forms in the back of the bus may be The Gargoyles' representatives: Lindsey Bentley a young forward who claims to be a 'Head Specialist' and Inner Midfielder Costan Cinca, who is desperately in need of the Hornsmaniac_2 lecture on how to be a playmaker.

AKnightofNi · 04-30-2003, 04:31 PM

You are one SICK bastard, and it pisses me off that I don't have a team so I could send a rep. Therefore, I have signed-up for a team and await confirmation- and the next pre-victory party.

The Afoci · 04-30-2003, 04:37 PM

AknightofNi, you could be like Marmel and just attend yourself.

oh yeah, about the sick bastard thing, i get that a lot...i don't know why though

AKnightofNi · 04-30-2003, 05:17 PM

I will try to come. However, since I have no team and, therefore, no budget, I may have to come up by hitchhiking. I was wondering if you will have a "peanut butter booth" where I could possibly relive my "small-white-boy" days in prison and earn some greenbacks to get myself back to Texas? (After the long trip up, I will probably need the extra salt to replenish the system.

FrogMan · 04-30-2003, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Afoci
AknightofNi, you could be like Marmel and just attend yourself.

NO! NO! NO! AknightofNi DON'T DO THAT!!! Look what happened to Marmel's sack!!!

FM

CarnDawg · 04-30-2003, 09:48 PM

Wait a minute mckerney, how can Barretto, Frazier, and Trandahl all be at the pre-victory party when they've been in Sweeden for a friendly over the last few days?

mckerney · 04-30-2003, 09:52 PM

You shut the hell up you dirty son a bitch.

We don't need your shit here...

The Afoci · 05-01-2003, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mckerney
You shut the hell up you dirty son a bitch.

We don't need your shit here...

That is the spirit of a drunken party goer we are looking for. Keep up the spunk kid.

mckerney · 05-01-2003, 10:38 AM

I will keep it up. The ability of my players to be in two countries at once and to be playing and be drunk at a party while some of them are underaged cannot be questioned.

Also, if you could, attach a few crawfish to the sacks of Barretto and Trandahl while your at it. Maybe it will make them stop sucking so much.

NevStar · 05-01-2003, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by mckerney
I will keep it up. The ability of my players to be in two countries at once and to be playing and be drunk at a party while some of them are underaged cannot be questioned.

Also, if you could, attach a few crawfish to the sacks of Barretto and Trandahl while your at it. Maybe it will make them stop sucking so much.

Behold! The power of the 5-4-1! It's so great that its players don't even have to show up for the game!

FrogMan · 05-01-2003, 12:09 PM

Wanna know how bad, and I mean baaaad, the Pittbulls "B" team is? You really wanna know??

Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis , not unlike the Square Pegs players, had to leave the party to play a friendly in Tennessee against the Bees. So he left the party, intoxicated as you wouldn't believe, jumped in a chartered jet (damn that's what that 100,000 temporary cost of a week ago was, to prebook a chartered jet!!!) and played the game.

Guess what!?! well look at the following line from the match report:

Pintendre fought on and, in the 63rd minute Panos Kolokotronis was able to reply with 2 - 1 after some excellent moves on the right side finished off by an incredibly clever chip.

Kolokotronis finished the game with 2 stars and that goal turned out to be the Pittbulls' only goal... Rumour is that during halftime he kept on drinking straight from the keg... Oh well...

FM

The Afoci · 05-01-2003, 12:34 PM

The Party Continues….

Rumors are swirling around the party that the Fighting Crawfish have won another friendly. Some say the score was 4-1 and some say that the squad they were facing, the Port Angeles Colossal Squids may have numerous crawfish attached to their sacks. Weird isn’t it?

Currently the party is raging on. Expect a party update either later today or early tomorrow. Currently The Afoci is making arrangements with the some important people to be able to bring youHornsmaniac_2 tomorrow.

Frogman was also kind enought to fly in another load of beer as the party-semi was nearly out...

WSUCougar · 05-01-2003, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Afoci
The Party Continues….

Rumors are swirling around the party that the Fighting Crawfish have won another friendly. Some say the score was 4-1 and some say that the squad they were facing, the Port Angeles Colossal Squids may have numerous crawfish attached to their sacks. Weird isn’t it?

Port Angeles Colossal Squid Minister of Information: "Lies! Lies! There are no mercenary, criminal Crawfish in Baghdad, and, er, I mean Port Angeles, and there are no sacks on a squid! Tentacles, yes. A beak, yes. But absolutely no sacks."

Plus they cheated.

mckerney · 05-01-2003, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NevStar
Behold! The power of the 5-4-1! It's so great that its players don't even have to show up for the game!

Unfortionately I've had to put the 5-4-1 on delay because as it turns out you need to have good midfielders. So until I can achieve that (I think I need money first), I've been forced to run a 4-4-2 in league play. It will come back someday soon, however, and we will one day own the world...

FrogMan · 05-01-2003, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by mckerney
Unfortionately I've had to put the 5-4-1 on delay because as it turns out you need to have good midfielders. So until I can achieve that (I think I need money first), I've been forced to run a 4-4-2 in league play. It will come back someday soon, however, and we will one day own the world...

Youg got me confused here... How can't you achieve the same midfield with 5-4-1 that you get with 4-4-2? Either have only 4 middies (wherever you put them)...

FM
PS: not that I say 5-4-1 is good or anything, I run 4-5-1 and now trying to get some experience with 3-5-2 so I will be able to alternate the two...

mckerney · 05-01-2003, 10:08 PM

Midfield still sucks, though with it's easier to score when you have 2 forwards instead of 1 in that situation.

leverb66 · 05-01-2003, 11:00 PM

What is in that Canadian Beer? Allen Parker just bumped to a solid middie, can a few more players join the party?

mckerney · 05-01-2003, 11:12 PM

Wait, Larry Eustachy just showed up with some of his Natty Light. Alright, everyone grab a crawfish, you all know what to do...

The Afoci · 05-02-2003, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by leverb66
What is in that Canadian Beer? Allen Parker just bumped to a solid middie, can a few more players join the party?

There will be revenge at todays party for this... MUHHHAAHAHHAHAHHHA

AKnightofNi · 05-02-2003, 01:31 PM

I finally got my team. However, they all suck so bad I was hoping you would let me send the entire bunch and maybe let them work the peanut butter stand cuz that is the only way I'll ever get anything out of them.... just a thought

The Afoci · 05-02-2003, 04:07 PM

First off let me say that I am dedicating this party to a guy I know who died in a crash last night. He wasn’t a close friend or anything, but he was at a lot of parties I have attended. He died in a single car roll over. So if you pray, say one for him, or as he would rather have you do, drink a beer for him, smoke some and hit on a hottie, get shot down and retire to the bathroom with Victoria Secret catalog.

Also due to time constraints, we will have to cut the Day in the life segment, but it will be back. Also I think that I may have some sort of party once a week, and will involve those on the waiting list now into the next ones and have a create a waiting list for those who wanting to come to the next ones.

Now without making anyone wait any longer, I present you the Hornsmaniac_2 book signing…

The Afoci, drunk off his ass and scratching his sack, walks up on stage. He has peanut butter residue around his mouth and a torn T-shirt. Hornsmaniac_2’s bus is clearly visible behind the stage. The tension builds as The Afoci stumbles through how Marmel “stole the love of Chavez “the dope finding” Dog by using this man’s techniques of being Cocky and Funny. It also may have had something to do with the high quality Jif…” He continues mumbling and finally passes out on stage.

"She's my Cherry Pie, cool drink of water, such a sweet suprise, tastes so good, bring a tear to your eye, sweet cherry pie, oh yeah..."

Hornsmaniac_2 walks out and up to the microphone of a cheering crowd. He starts with his famous line from his new book, b]How to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time[/b], “If it stink, pretend it’s the pink!” The crowd cheers wildly and Hornsmaniac_2 begins strutting back and forth across the stage.

“Now many of you know” starts Hornsmaniac_2 “I have the secrets, the keys, the tools you need to pick up more, and more importantly, better quality shemales on the net. You can’t be just cocky, because your shemales all got cock. You must be funny with the cocky. Now, in my new book, Volume 7 of what some people call the bible of Shemale dating on the net, I go “in depth” on the side of being the male. Now when asked many of you say your favorite sexual position is doggy style. Now what many of you leave out is the fact that you like it when your in back, not in front. Now where Volume 6 showed you how to make the best of a hard situation, Volume 7 gets in to getting you back in power, back behind your new found bitch. The key to being the male in a male/shemale relationship is not being scared of taking control of your butchly beauty. You must be firm. Because if you aren’t firm, you can’t be the male…” This continued for many, many minutes.

“Now remember” says Hornsmaniac_2 “If it stink, pretend it’s the pink!” The crowd erupts into cheers and the party resumes.

Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far away from the pre-victory party

Zap, Blast, Boom! Zap, Blast, Boom! A smoldering pile of rubble in the small room where weapons testing is carried on for The Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. Could this be the first successful prototypes of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws?? Or does someone just have some really bad diarrhea from the horrible Mexican food experiment during the party? And more importantly, can the Fighting Crawfish pull the upset over the heavily favored Cheesecake? Only time will tell…

04-23-2003, 02:51 PM	#102
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	We don’t have no AC anymore… At Fighting Crawfish Arena, 10795 punters turned up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden. Coyotes had chosen a strategic 4-4-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Rodsten - Bagwell, Madden, Säflius, Collins - Nilsson, Castaneda, Davis, Bech Jensen - Tait, Wilburn. Zane Castaneda still has a lot to learn. Like for instance not to make half-hearted passes in front of Gustav Danielsson who now could score for Fighting. to 1-0. Gustav Danielsson celebrated by being both the perfect amount of cocky and funny all in one. Hornsmaniac_2 would be proud! Mikey Kline of Fighting received a yellow card in the 2nd minute for attaching a Crawfish to the coach of Vienna AC sack! A classic move! A great save by goaltender Mattias Rodsten in the 8:th minute kept the visitors in the game as Ivar “Why can’t my name be Ivan” Rannem struck from the left with a real cannonball. With 25 minutes played ”I am a big mean fire breating” Dragan Simic could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just too high. Coyotes got a chance to level the score as Dean Wilburn suddenly found himself free with the goaltender but the finishing shot hit the bar. In the 27:th minute Coyotess Ronnie Bech Jensen received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first. 1 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate. Man, what a shot by José Javier Gorostarzu! Firing from 35 yards he didn't give the enemy goalie a chance and it was 2 - 0. In the 73rd minute of the match the visitors central line of defence had to look on as Gustav Danielsson dashed through, knocking home 3 - 0 for Fighting. A speedy charge from the left side of the field put Fighting lead up with 4 - 0. Norbert Darden finished that one off competently, firing from an acute angle. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone. Fighting made a substitution in the 79:th minute. Dan Woodson limped off the field and was replaced by Enrico Jimeno. A misplaced Crawfish may be the reason for the injury. The home side´s Enrico Jimeno came close to extending the lead in the 79:th minute. His shot came in off the right hand side but Mattias Rodsten managed saving with a fingernail. It was the only thing he did right all day. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 69 percent possession rate. Most important Fighting player was Gustav Danielsson. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Coyotes player was without a doubt Bennie Madden. Anders 'Kope' Nilsson on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 4 - 0. We’re into money! Well not quite, but the Fighting Crawfish are doing much better now. After this game the squad is only $350k in the whole. Plus the newest Youth Pull, Doug Justice is a very high inadequate keeper. He will be trained one week and sold. The Post Game Press Conference “This was a great victory for the boys today” said Coach “With the sale of a lot of players, the boys were worried that the team may start sucking Crawfish Balls. Now I would like to introduce the, hippest, freshest, dopest, and studliest Crawfish of the game, Gustav Danielsson.” Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad grabs his boom box, hits play and lifts it above his head. “Lets talk about sex baby, Lets talk about you and me…” Gustav Danielsson walks to the stage and points to Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad and the music goes off. “Gustav would like you all to thank Gustav for the chance to watch Gustav play this game you call soccer. Gustav would like to thank Hornsmaniac_2 for showing me the ways of playmaking and making me more cocky and more funny than Gustav could have other dreamed of. Gustav would like to thank God for making everyone else so bad so that Gustav doesn’t have to try so hard and mess up Gustav’s hair. Gustav would like the ladies to meet him for some fun playing with my balls and I am not talking the soccer ones. Gustav would also like to ask ”You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" to inspect this small rash on my leg…” The conference ended and everyone left. The Afoci called Number Two over to him. “Number Two, tonight’s ‘friendly’ will be against The West Fargo Stangs won’t be so ‘friendly’. I want you to take them out. Blever_66 is the manager at my day job. Take out the squad!” Tonight’s grudge match against The Stangs will be for bragging rights around the office. Many Crawfish have been stuck in his desk and "You better guard your daughters or else they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has been dispatched. We are not to worried about The Stangs as it is suspected that their owner is also the owner of a local gay club, and as he says, I am not only the owner, but a butt muncher. Kind of a weird statement, but he says it all the time… __________________ I had something.

04-24-2003, 03:06 PM	#105
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	The Facility the Crawfish were trained and altered. Altered into Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, or as recent attempts had proven, small piles of Crawfish goo once they shot the lasers. “Number Two” said The Afoci “We have finally completed the first phase of Operation Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws, we have a successful test model. This is a day I have dreamt of all my life. I remember when I was only thirteen years old….” [Flashback] Hanging Tough, OH OH OH OH uh OH uh OH, Hanging Tough was blaring from the small boom box as The Afoci stood dancing side to side practicing for the upcoming school program. It was to be his big break. His singing career would be launched and The Afoci and The Mighty, Mighty Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws Band would be the next biggest thing since the New Kids on the Block. By this point of his life, The Afoci was a social outcast, his wardrobe consisted of the finest musical T-shirts of the time. With such innovated artists such as, Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Young MC, New Kids on the Block, and Alvin and the Chipmunks sing Christmas Carols. He also the finest Velcro shows that said Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the straps. He lost the ability to tie his shoes when he decide to become like the Crawfish and attached claws to his wrist with duct tape. He was hoping for the nickname Snappy, but people called him, dumb ass and beat him up. The Claws did little in the form of self defense, mainly because they made of cardboard. That also affected the sharpness of them. The time of the program was upon Young The Afoci and he was very nervous. He gave one last look to the lucky Crawfish he put in his pocket. His goal was simple. Wait for the New Kids on the Block medley to start and he would rush the microphone, grab it and burst into his solo, followed by some mad freestyle rhymes about life in the hood of Hawley MN. He hoped many of his peeps would “feel” him. If only it were his peeps that did… Out on stage, wearing Zubaz eerily similar to those of Hornsmaniac_2, a New Kids on the Block T-shirt and his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Velcro shoes, he charged the microphone at just the right time and burst into song. His tune carried through the gymnasium beautifully for about 10 seconds until a horrible, horrible accident occurred. Apparently the movement must have scared the little lucky Crawfish in his pocket. That little Crawfish was able to chew a hole in the pocket, and begun to crawl around in his pants. A terrible shriek was released from The Afoci as the Crawfish latched on to his sack. Struggling with the beast in his pants, he ran around the stage eventually removing his pants and revealing Little The Afoci and the Crawfish attached to his sack. A horrible gasp came from the crowd. Stunned, The Afoci left the stage embarrassed and humiliated. But he learned something, something that would be very important fact for the future. He knew the pain of the horrible torture that would be known as Crawfish to the sack….But in a weird way, The Afoci knew he liked it. Don’t tell me you have never had the urge to have a Crawfish with is claws clamped down on your sack and his little legs rubbing all over your sack and hard….um nevermind… [/flashback] __________________ I had something.

04-24-2003, 03:22 PM	#106
Marmel Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester, CT	TMI stands for Too Much Information. __________________ 81-78 Cincinnati basketball writer P. Daugherty, "Connor Barwin playing several minutes against Syracuse is like kids with slingshots taking down Caesar's legions."

04-26-2003, 10:13 AM	#107
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	As a minor update here, Doug Justice upgraded to passable @ keeper and will be put on the market on monday... Look for a huge announcement concerning the Crawfish within 3 days... __________________ I had something.

04-28-2003, 09:48 AM	#108
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	Yet another victory... The crowd of 3441 turning up at FC Syndicate Arena today were greeted by some nasty showers of rain. Syndicate tactics involved an interesting 5-3-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Vance - Wyman, Ohara, Pereira Barbosa, Ericsson, Gripenstad - Moeller, Harry, Cason - Diamanti, Jackson. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Justice - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Rossi, Danielsson, Kline, Jimeno, Uddstad - Rannem , Darden. Fighting took the lead in the games 17:th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Norbert Darden was the scorer. Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem received a play slashing through the home side´s defense in the 33rd minute, chipping it past the keeper scoring 0 - 2. The home crowd was not pleased with that one or the fact that someone placed Crawfish under every seat. Many became attached to the sacks of the fans. In the games 41st minute Fighting´s Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem somehow missed a penalty, the keeper accidently prematurely ejaculated in the right direction with such a force, it tipped the ball out of the way. What a great save! Halftime score was 0 - 2. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 72 percent possession of the ball. The referee showed Fightings Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge about who was the greatest hair band of the eighties. Apparantly the ref was not a fan of Warrant. He contends that it is clearly Poison and that any further discussion would lead to a yellow card. Apparently a Crawfish being attached to your sack is considered similiar to discussion. Norbert Darden came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Joey "Laurence" Vance, hitting the bar. He then said "Wooaahh". The crowd went crazy. Fightings Gustav Danielsson got himself booked after making a play on the cheerleaders. One happened to be underage, but he swears she showed him some ID. Syndicate were forced to a substitution as Perry "I have a" Harry "no need to put anything after the whole Perry "I am a" Harry thing because it is funny enough with out anything else couldn´t continue playing due to the rough treatment during a S & M conference prior to the game. Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem could have added one to the visitors lead if his free kick had gone just a little lower. After 78 minutes a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Norbert Darden who increased Fighting´s lead to 0 - 3. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 71 percent possession rate. Syndicate´s best player was Clinton Moeller. Leon Jackson on the other hand, had a terrible day. Most important Fighting player was Doug Justice. Enrico Jimeno on the other hand, had a terrible day and was forced to listen to the self help tape made by Hornsmaniac_2 involving how to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. The match ends 0 - 3. Overall a good victory. We have decided to keep Doug Justice one more week as we have the best team in our division next week. The Cheesecake are putting up inad midfields now and have not given up a goal yet. We need all the help we can get next week. The team bus is en route to Fargo ND as you read this and a huge announcement is scheduled upon their return. It will either be later today or tomorrow depending on the number of strip clubs along the way. __________________ I had something.

04-22-2003, 10:52 PM	#101
Nyarlahotep College Benchwarmer Join Date: Mar 2003	What the fu*k is a work schedule?

04-24-2003, 09:18 AM	#103
leverb66 n00b Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: West Fargo, ND	We could lose the internet altogether!

04-28-2003, 09:54 AM	#109
Mountain Mascot Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Columbia, S.C.	How do you know their keeper prematurely ejacualted? It sounds to me like he was just stroking it and timed it perfectly.

04-28-2003, 01:09 PM	#110
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	The Bus Pulls into Fargo ND... Everyone files off the bus and walks to the center of the field. The squad notices that there are more people than the usual security and staff. Members of the media are there and also some FOFCers. The Afoci addresses the squad and assorted members of the media and FOFC. "Friends, Family, FOFCers and rotten piles of media poo" starts The Afoci "I thank you for showing up today for this huge announcement. Now we are 4-0 on the new season, we have reduced our debt, we must do this. It is what we will be calling The Fighting Crawfish beating the Cheesecake Pre-Game Victory Party. Now a pre-game victory party of this sort will be huge. You are all welcome to send up to 2 players to participate in the festivities. The schedule will be as following. Tuesday-Kegs show up. Drinking begins. Wednesday-Friendly Game The Afoci gives speech and strippers show up. Thursday-A day in the life of Crawfish star “You better guard your daughters or else they will be” Les “their” Cherry”s”. Friday-Special Guest Speaker Hornsmaniac_2 will be making his comeback appearance with a speech and he will be giving lessons. This will be his first stop on his new book tour for, How to be a man, picking up some side action from shemales on the net! Volume 7, we get to be the boy this time. Also includes answers submitted by readers of Volume 6, how to deal with the horrible, horrible ass pain associated with being the girl in a man/shemale relationship. He will answer questions too! Saturday-Drinking Sunday-Drinking/Game with the Cheesecake Anyone interested in sending any players to the party, just post here the players name and which events you want them to attend. All events have a open bar, herb, strippers and all the peanut butter you can handle. __________________ I had something. Last edited by The Afoci : 04-28-2003 at 01:09 PM.

04-28-2003, 01:13 PM	#111
Marmel Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester, CT	I would love to join the festivities, but let it be known I will be wearing a crawfish safe jock strap. No crawfish will be attaching themselves to this sack! __________________ 81-78 Cincinnati basketball writer P. Daugherty, "Connor Barwin playing several minutes against Syracuse is like kids with slingshots taking down Caesar's legions." Last edited by Marmel : 04-28-2003 at 01:15 PM.

04-28-2003, 01:19 PM	#112
Coffee Warlord Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Colorado Springs	Let it be known that Galesburg will be sending two representatives to Fargo. First, 20 year old Ken Shaffer. He's underage, he's insane, and he's jealous of Wiley Otero because he's a far better Winger. But Wiley isn't insane, despite his name. Ken has 4 yellow cards already, so be careful, he might flip out some more and start eating live crawfish. Next, 27 year old Kenneth Loven. He's also insane, and he just got off the plane from Sweden. He doesn't speak English, and since he is Scandanavian, he may go Viking, flip out, and start raping and pillaging. Both players plan on arriving drunk, and will be attending all events, assuming they don't flip out. Last edited by Coffee Warlord : 04-28-2003 at 01:21 PM.

04-28-2003, 01:49 PM	#113
sterlingice Hall Of Famer Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Back in Houston!	While many Hippos want to attend, the two player limit means that those slots will go to our best players. Goalie Tim Kimber, who is the mild mannered sort and a bit of a wallflower, would like to sign up for Hornsmaniac_2's book signing: he would like to learn the art of being cocky and funny. But, being the boy scout straight-arrow type, was overheard to have said that he doesn't quite understand what a "she-male" is and it sounds like something he really doesn't want to find out about. Team captain and all around badass Mick Starks is catching the red-eye after the cup game Wednesday since no party that ends at midnight is a party. He is on record as saying that he does not trust Les alone with the strippers. Nor does he want to see them after Les has, um... been with them. Mick plans on staying the rest of the week until our fixture on Sunday. SI __________________ Houston Hippopotami, III.3: 20th Anniversary Thread - All former HT players are encouraged to check it out! Janos: "Only America could produce an imbecile of your caliber!" Freakazoid: "That's because we make lots of things better than other people!" Last edited by sterlingice : 04-28-2003 at 01:51 PM.

04-28-2003, 02:03 PM	#114
NevStar High School Varsity Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Raleigh, NC	To the delight of many, Morrisvillians starting wingback and blue jeans model "Crazy" Earl Freedom will be attending. In addition, one of our newer members and Earl's protege, "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski will also be attending. However, they will not be able to attend until early Thursday, as we have instituted a strict curfew until our Cup game against Slashers. Keep in mind, they'll probably be quite surly following the outcome of that game. __________________ I can't think of a clever signature.

04-28-2003, 04:45 PM	#115
Nyarlahotep College Benchwarmer Join Date: Mar 2003	The Avengers will be sending Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez as our representatives. They will be attending all functions.

04-28-2003, 05:06 PM	#116
mckerney Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	A few Square Peg players will be making the short trip from St. Paul to Fargo to attend. Former Crawfish Abel Barretto will be allowed to attend. Only 18, but we don't know what the hell he does on this team anyway so we don't really give a damn. Being Art Frazier has score all are goals in series games this year, he can do whatever the hell he wants so he is planning on attending. Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl will be forced to compete in all drinking games in hope that he'll die of alcohol posioning and we can collect on the issurance policy we have on him. Last edited by mckerney : 04-28-2003 at 05:09 PM.

04-28-2003, 05:10 PM	#117
Aesyrqwe High School JV Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Indiana	White Sox Pride will be sending 2 of their finest: David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien. Dewitt is a solid scorer on the field, and I was hoping to see how well he does scoring off of the field. Obrien is just one crazy mofo. After being brought up from the youth squad hes already started 3 bar fights being drunk off his ass. He will be the guy with a tube and funnel waiting for someone to pour the beer so he can start chuggin'... Have fun with these 2... -Aes- __________________ Go Bears! #8 Grossman #33 Tillman

04-28-2003, 07:10 PM	#118
leverb66 n00b Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: West Fargo, ND	The West Fargo Stangs will send their top two players Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad. They will be particpating in all of the festivities and plan to get drunk out of their minds. Being in V.216 allows them to play at all states of drunkeness and post-drinking, and they can walk home.

04-28-2003, 07:30 PM	#119
robbgmaier College Prospect Join Date: Oct 2001	the goldurnears are proud to send Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree to these fine festivities. We can also send some whores as well, if you don't mind if their wives attend. Oriol wants to make sure every one understands that his nickname "double stuff" does not imply anything about shemales or having crawfish rammed up his ass.

04-28-2003, 10:17 PM	#120
Qwikshot Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: ...down the gravity well	The Ultra Nox will send Eli Svarva "Beans" over to represent. __________________ "General Woundwort's body was never found. It could be that he still lives his fierce life somewhere else, but from that day on, mother rabbits would tell their kittens that if they did not do as they were told, the General would get them. Such was Woundwort's monument, and perhaps it would not have displeased him." Watership Down, Richard Adams

04-28-2003, 10:27 PM	#121
FrogMan Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada	Pittbulls will be there The Pittbulls will be sending their ace defender, 33 year old Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and their star forward, Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis. They will also be coming with a truck full of Canadian beer, and we're talking some real 9% alcohol beer here FM __________________ A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog...

04-28-2003, 10:28 PM	#122
FrogMan Hattrick Moderator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Pintendre, Qc, Canada	dola to add that the last post just brought me to division I FM __________________ A Black Belt is a White Belt who refused to give up... follow my story: The real life story of a running frog...

04-29-2003, 09:51 AM	#123
DataKing Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Chicago	The Screamin' Seamen will only be able to send one representative to the festivities, none other than Ben McMahon. We understand that Ben has already formed quite a bond with the Crawfish, and I am sure that he is looking forward to the opportunity to see all his old friends again. Now if I could just get him to stop weeping and clutching my leg... __________________ Current Games Diablo III (BattleTag: DataKing#1685) Allegiances: Chicago Bears - Detroit Red Wings - Kansas Jayhawks Awards: 2011 Golden Scribe - Other Sports Category (The Straight(away) and Narrow - A Forza Motorsport 3 Dynasty)

04-29-2003, 10:36 AM	#124
Coffee Warlord Head Coach Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Colorado Springs	...I didn't know you had my accountant on your team, DK. (Yep, that's the exact name of the guy who does my taxes.)

04-30-2003, 10:07 AM	#125
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	Lets start the pre-victory party now, baby With the first ever sale of a youth player, The Fighting Crawfish earn approximately $18,000. I feel it is a little low for a 17 y/o inadequate keeper, but $18k is good enough for one hell of a pre-victory party. And with that, let Late Tuesday/Early Wednesdays festivities begin… As Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad band, Altered, was just finishing setting up one of the sides stages of the festival, FrogMan’s Semi pulls up stocked full of Canadian beer. Jerome "give me the damn" Ball and Panos "Greek God" Kolokotronis step out of the semi and walk to the back and open it up. Panos “Greek God” Kolokotronis looks around…”Where is Hornsmaniac_2?” Some of the security fill him in that he won’t be in until Friday, although that may not be true considering this is the only party he will be allowed to attend on this board… Lars-Olaf “Chris Gaines” Uddstad then sets down his bottle of Everclear(a true North Dakota drink and picks up his guitar. His long hair is tied back in a bandana and his jeans look like they have gone through a paper shredder. He hits the first chord of the first song and the crowd goes wild. “Unskinny bop, blows me away, yeah, unskinny bop….” Meanwhile in a secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party… “Come on, just take it off” starts The Afoci “You can trust me, it is good. You are in the secret hide out, there is nothing to be scared of. Perhaps this will help you decide…” He then hands Marmel a mix of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop. “What is it?” asks Marmel “Trust me, you will like it” says The Afoci With that Marmel tips back the glass and drinks the entire contents of the 44 oz big glup kamikaze of Everclear and cheap strawberry pop. Within minutes, the crawfish safe jock strap is off and both of them are sitting bottomless drunk off there asses. “Here Chavez “the dope finding” Dog” says The Afoci “Here boy…” Chavez “the dope finding” Dog comes running to them and gives them a weird look. After both Marmel and The Afoci do there best to fight of glaucoma, Chavez speaks. “It better be Jif, because choosy dogs choose Jif”… Back at the entrance to the party Two men stumble to the gate and demand in. After further inspection it appears to be two of the West Fargo Stangs. The horrible soccer squad from the West Side of town decided to stop by. Allen Parker, and Martin Elstad play in perhaps the easiest soccer division in all of Hattrick and are masters of the pre-victory parties. Owner of the squad and former Fighting Crawfish Mascot BoB stumbles in drunk behind them. He has no invitation, but who would turn down a 6’6” beast from the east who also happens to be your manager? “I hate that song!” screams BoB at the stage as Lars-Olof “Chris Gaines” Uddstad begins playing “Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow. (Sadly Allen Parker looks and sound very similar to a she-male version of Crow). “Play some Dave!!!” screams BoB in reference to the Dave Mathews Band. He then begins to dance. Approaching the gate now is none other than the representatives of the Galesburg Avengers. Ken Shaffer is first to arrive and jumps into the back of the semi full of Canadian Beer. He returns a few minutes later butt ass naked and begins running through the crowd. Coffee Warlord would be proud. Within minutes he is found passed out with 18 Crawfish attached to his sack. Apparently he thought by diving into the Crawfish pool out back he could sneak attack them and get a great head start on eating all of them…he was wrong. May his sack be in your prayers. God bless. Anyway, lets hope that there other guys does better. Kenneth “I need some American” Loven comes in, stops and scans the crowd. He is obviously drunk and feels out of place. But who wouldn’t if you came in wearing only a wife beater, some a pair of very short shorts and a huge gold chain that read “Playerz”. He walks to one of the first women he sees and in some very broken English he speaks… “I have Funny Cock” starts Kenneth “I need some American” Loven “Me want to have intercourse with an American lady. You have large woman melons that I want to…um…um…what is the word…um…oh fuck it wetyt wiqeytpywuqe f pywt ysdfywt sad wtphyasdfhgqyrweptyasdfhi ytsadhwqiuytg awytysfpg.” After what appeared some sort of war call, he buried his head in her chest and passed out some few minutes later due to lack of oxygen. They needed the Jaws of Life to retrieve him from the breasts of the stripper. After hearing some Spanish music followed by “Olla!” or what ever the bull fighters say, the attention of the crowd turned to Csanád Szabó and Fernando Velazquez of Nyarlahotep squad. Csanád Szabó was playing an acoustic guitar as Fernando Velazquez was wearing a cape and had was running back and forth screaming “Olla!” Upon further inspection, it appears that he is up against [b]Tom[b]. While Tom may not seem scary, Tom is only the scariest Crawfish the Fighting Crawfish have. So instead of a bull, Fernando Velazquez is fighting a Crawfish. After many passes, Tom eventually latches on to his sack. Fernando Velazquez immediately hits the ground in agony and Csanád Szabó rushes to him. He is able to wrestle Tom off Fernando Velazquez sack and immediately puts his mouth on Fernando Velazquez’s sack and begins sucking. “What in the hell are you doing?” asks Fernando Velazquez “I am saving your life” says Csanád Szabó “I am sucking out the poison!” “Alright then, but stop using your teeth” says Fernando Velazquez “…and um…maybe use your hand more.” “Okay” says Csanád Szabó. About 3 minutes later he speaks again. “Damn, who knew that Crawfish poison was so salty???” Lets hope alcohol was involved in this one. That last incident caused quite a commotion and suddenly The Afoci and Marmel come running out of the secret hide out not so far away from the pre-victory party. After surveying the damage, The Afoci realizes everything is going fine and him and Marmel turn and began walking back towards the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party. “You were right” says Marmel “I really do like the added texture that chunky peanut butter adds to it. And that Chavez “the dope finding” Dog, he has desire like no dog I have been with before.” “I know what you mean, I know what you mean” says The Afoci as the walk back down the stairs to the secret hide out not so far from the pre-victory party. As they reach the bottom a bus shows up with mckerney, Aesyrqwe, robbgmaier, Qwikshot, and DataKing representatives for the party. But there are some mysterious figures in the back of the bus, could they be from your squad, or is it just Hornsmaniac_2 under a different alias trying to pick up some she-males. Find out tomorrow! __________________ I had something.

04-30-2003, 11:08 AM	#126
Havok College Starter Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Florida	noooo i missed the victory party!!!!! dammit... i miss all the good stuff __________________ Maniacal Misfitz - We're better than you and we know it!

04-30-2003, 11:24 AM	#127
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	Just tell me who you want there. They can still come __________________ I had something.

04-30-2003, 12:50 PM	#128
Marmel Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Manchester, CT	hiccup This is one ass-kicking party. hiccup I am suddenly hungry for a peanut butter sandwich, or maybe being in a peanutbutter sandwich........whatever........give me more booze. __________________ 81-78 Cincinnati basketball writer P. Daugherty, "Connor Barwin playing several minutes against Syracuse is like kids with slingshots taking down Caesar's legions."

04-30-2003, 01:58 PM	#129
Havok College Starter Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Florida	The Misfitz will be sending our underachieveing(sp?) 30 year old goalie Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu. __________________ Maniacal Misfitz - We're better than you and we know it!

04-30-2003, 03:23 PM	#130
Raven Hawk College Starter Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Thunderdome	I think that two of those mysterious forms in the back of the bus may be The Gargoyles' representatives: Lindsey Bentley a young forward who claims to be a 'Head Specialist' and Inner Midfielder Costan Cinca, who is desperately in need of the Hornsmaniac_2 lecture on how to be a playmaker. __________________ Owner of The Shreveport Pride in The CFL

04-30-2003, 04:31 PM	#131
AKnightofNi n00b Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Texas, of course.	You are one SICK bastard, and it pisses me off that I don't have a team so I could send a rep. Therefore, I have signed-up for a team and await confirmation- and the next pre-victory party. __________________ it,it,it

04-30-2003, 04:37 PM	#132
The Afoci Pro Rookie Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Moorhead	AknightofNi, you could be like Marmel and just attend yourself. oh yeah, about the sick bastard thing, i get that a lot...i don't know why though __________________ I had something.

04-30-2003, 05:17 PM	#133
AKnightofNi n00b Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Texas, of course.	I will try to come. However, since I have no team and, therefore, no budget, I may have to come up by hitchhiking. I was wondering if you will have a "peanut butter booth" where I could possibly relive my "small-white-boy" days in prison and earn some greenbacks to get myself back to Texas? (After the long trip up, I will probably need the extra salt to replenish the system. __________________ it,it,it

04-30-2003, 09:48 PM	#135
CarnDawg Mascot Join Date: Nov 2000	Wait a minute mckerney, how can Barretto, Frazier, and Trandahl all be at the pre-victory party when they've been in Sweeden for a friendly over the last few days? __________________ Great. You wouldn't have this problem if you had killed yourself after the prom like I'd told you to.

04-30-2003, 09:52 PM	#136
mckerney Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	You shut the hell up you dirty son a bitch. We don't need your shit here...

05-01-2003, 10:38 AM	#138
mckerney Coordinator Join Date: Oct 2000	I will keep it up. The ability of my players to be in two countries at once and to be playing and be drunk at a party while some of them are underaged cannot be questioned. Also, if you could, attach a few crawfish to the sacks of Barretto and Trandahl while your at it. Maybe it will make them stop sucking so much.