YAHD---Everyone panic! The Crawfish have lasers!!!

[The Afoci]

Never play drunken soccer...

15974 spectators had come to Fighting Crawfish Arena this cloudy day. Fighting started off with a 4-5-1 lineup. The following players stumbled drunk out to the field: Holt - Meldi, de Oliveira, Gorostarzu, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem .

Cheesecake had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Buckley - Sanford, Nilsson, Günzel - Schroeder, Pilgram, Hjortner, From Nielsen, Fraza - Hartbom, Páger.

Cheesecake took the lead in the games 16:th minute with 0 - 1 after some elegant plays down the middle. Ronny Hartbom was the scorer as he scored on a passed out Tommy Holt. Tommy Holt was later revived, but not before a combination in the middle resulted in a through ball for Tommy Joe Sanford who increased Cheesecake´s lead to 0 - 2. After 24 minutes Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad began puking everywhere on the field, but could finish the game. Cheesecake increased the lead to 0 - 3 as Ronny Hartbom scored from the penalty spot, putting the ball in near the top left corner. The structure of the game started to change as Cheesecake decided to pull back and meet their opponents in the defensive zone where the smell of puke was not as bad. In the 26:th minute Fightings "I am a big fire breathing" Dragan Simic received a yellow card for going into a challenge studs first and then placing a Crawfish on a refs sack in celebration! 27 minutes into the game Skip Schroeder had to leave the pitch due to a knee injury after a tight pinch on his sack from a Crawfish. In came Mikhail Gusev. The teams went for a half-time break at 0 - 3. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Cheesecake, with an impressive 56 percent possession of the ball.

Ronny Hartbom came close to extending the visitors lead as he, completely unmarked in front of the goal, lifted a ball over Tommy Holt, who was still trying to finish his halftime drink, hitting the bar. The game had been on for 65 minutes when Stefan Hjortner broke through to the right, upping the score to the home crowd´s dismay. Free beer was then handed out and the people didn't care as much. Cheesecake´s were up 0 - 4. Cheesecake came close to extending their lead as Ronny Hartbom delivered a long range shot from the right but the angle was to sharp, and the shot hit the side of the goal waking Tommy Holt from his drunken sleep. Cheesecakes Andre From Nielsen got himself booked after a foul. Cheesecake made a substitution in the 84:th minute. Hylke Fraza limped off the field and was replaced by Marvin Stefan Mackel after a beer bottle from the crowd drilled him in the head. Almost all the way down to the corner flag Marvin Stefan Mackel somhow managed to get a perfect pass into the middle, impossible to miss for Zsolt Páger who struck for 0 - 5. Cheesecake held the ball, with a clear 66 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Tommy Holt. However, Christian Rossi made a disastrous appearance as he actually never made it to the field and nearly died on his own puke. Most important Cheesecake player was Barend Pilgram. Marvin Stefan Mackel on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 0 - 5.

The Aftermath...

Well, I guess I thought it would be closer, but their passable midfield just crushed me. I tried a 4-5-1 and it failed me, I gave up 5 goals and had 0 scoring chances...anyway, screw it.

The Square Pegs come to play a "friendly"...Yumm...square peg players sacks sound good to Crawfish...

[The Afoci]

Oh yeah, that Tommy Holt was our youth pull this week. He is a 20 year old valued at over 280k and is a passable keeper. Doug Justice was placed on the wire starting at 75k.

[The Afoci]

Send your help...

The Afoci is sitting in a smoke filled room. Wrappers from numerous different candy items are scattered everywhere. He has 2 empty boxes of Strawberry Gushers in front of him ("I hope that liking the explosion of a sweet juice in my mouth doesn't make me gay" The Afoci would tell an aroused Number Two who would reply shyly "Oh, of course not sugar..."), the wrapper of what once was a pound of Cloverdale Maple Thick Cut Bacon, and a bottle of American Easy Cheese and Ritz Crackers. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad is playing his best rendition of Warren G and Nate Doggs "Regulators" on acoustic guitar.

"Regulators" screams The Afoci "Mount up me bitches" he adds. "We are going to fight some crime! Get me Chavez "the dope finding" Dog!"

Number Two calls in Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

"You got the Jif you motherbitches?" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog.

"No" says The Afoci with his voice growing more and more serious. "What has happened is that with the sale of Doug Justice we received about 73k and are within 70k of being able to go on the market again. We are going to cut back on the purchase of Jif for now."

"Damn it" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I won't eat any other, you find yourself another dog" as he leans over to the large glass object in the middle of the room releasing most of the smoke into the air.

Exhaling The Afoci says to him "Don't worry about it, we will get your Jif, it is time to unleash my newest secret plan upon the world. This will be more masterful of a plan than the man who made Spaceballs." He pauses and thinks for a minute, "Number Two we should make some Laser Blaster Rings so we can shoot people in the sack with them. Anyway, it is time you all hear about Operation Steal Jif from the Grocery Store by Force using Crawfish with Laser *cough* *cough* Damn that was a good hit, oh yeah anyway, Blasters instead of Claws!"

Everyone looks up, Number Two, Chavez "the dope finding" Dog, and even Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. The Afoci grabs a peice of paper and draws up the plan. They all ohhh and ahhh at the masterful plan that is being drawn up.

"How will that be possible?" asks Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, "I have no weapon!"

"You will have a weapon, oh yes" says The Afoci laughing devilishly while looking at Number Two!

"It can't be done" says Number Two "It would be suicide, they haven't been tested yet, we must wait, it is too soon!"

"I am sorry you are a wuss" says The Afoci "Plus the only risk I see is for Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad, who could possibly get hurt?"

Everyone looks around confused and then towards Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad who looks up from the bong in the center of the room. "Rock on, dudes, lets do it!"

[Narrator]

Now what is about to happen will be in the history books. What is about to happen could be the greatest thing in the history of the world. Or perhaps it could be uglier than a 3 legged shemale(are there any other kinds) humping a midget while slapping a donkey on the ass and calling it Jesus(HAY-ZUEZ), the man who steals hubcaps from Caddy's. What we are about to witness is the unleashing of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws for Operation Steal Jif from the Grocery Store by Force using Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!

[/Narrator]

The grocery store parking lot is dark as the four converge on it late one May night. The lights flicker from the tall poles that guard the store like watch towers. Slyly they slip by one by one to the edge of the store just to the east of the door. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad is the first there. He is dressed from head to toe in black. Sadly it is mostly lace. He is wearing a black lacey bra and thong from Victoria Secrets latest catolog. His high heels I believe are from Payless but you would never know because the look just like the expensive ones and he got them for only $8. What a deal. He is carrying a black hand bag and has pantyhose over his head. The Afoci dressed in a superman outfit, stood out, but he stood proud with his chest out, and his mighty chest hair blowing in the wind! Number Two dressed like batman, but didn't have the right costume and it was actually a white t-shirt with batman wrote on it with a black sharpie. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog wore nothing unusual, but had a joint hanging from his mouth and a visor that he thought brought up his street credibility.

It was here where The Afoci remember the time he was caught shoplifting 2 bolonga lunchables and was giving a $200 fine when he was 19. Not a proud moment, but this would be his revenge(true story sadly )

Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad walks to the doors of the 24 hour a day grocery supercenter named Cashwise Grocery. He stumbles in on his heels and approaches the now laughing cashier. "What you laughing at?" He asks, "What, you just jealous that I look so fine, well you won't be lauging when you see what is in my bag!"

"Oh damn" said the Cashier, "Your robbing us aren't you, take what you want misses..." he says laughing.

"Thats it" screams Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. He reaches into the bag and pulls out one Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. "What do you think of this bitch, now get me my god damn Peanut Butter, and make it Jif!"

"Are you trying to rob me with what appears to be a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws? says the Cashier laughing still.

"Why yes I am" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad "Now you have asked for it. Unleash the F*cking Fury!!!" he screams as he sets the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws down and jumps towards the laughing cashier.

A huge Laser Blast comes from the small Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The shot hits Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad directly in the sack. Screams fill the grocery store and suddenly a screaming Hornsmaniac_2 comes screaming towards the door with a box of tampons screaming "If only my wife hadn't told me to get these so I could use the big boys potty again, I wouldn't have crapped myself!" as he runs out the door.

Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad wiggling in pain on the ground screams "Bitch, you made me ruin my nicest thong. Do I look like a bitch to you, huh?"

The Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws fires another blast that barely misses his head.

"Stop treating me like a bitch!" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. He then swings his black purse and crushes the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The cashier gets up laughing, "You just killed your weapon jackass and your pubes are on fire still!"

"Ahhhhh" screams Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad as he takes off running. Everyone scrambles and joins him as they run back to the secret hide out not far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena!

"What the Hell happened?" asked The Afoci

"They were ready for me, they knew everything!" says Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad. They turn on the TV and there is a live report from the scene of the crime...

[reporter]

It appears that someone attempted to rob this store with a Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws. The suspect was wearing womens panties and ended up killing the Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws himself. This report would like to be the first to say that this crime was probably from that lunatic that owns that soccer team that got drunk before the biggest game of the season. He seems bright enough to do something this stupid. Not only that, they didn't take any money, they tried stealing Jif peanut butter. What in the hell could they use that for? Anyway, back to you.

[/reporter]

"Sweet, Lunatic is close to evil genious!" says The Afoci "We are getting closer! Now pass that and we will try some other time..."

"Good Idea" says everyone else...

[Marmel]

Shouldn't Lars be punished for killing a Crawfish with Laser blasters instead of Claw?

[mckerney]

Wait, you stole two lunchables bolonga sandwiches when you where 19? How deliciously amusing...

[AKnightofNi]

2 bolonga lunchables and no soda? What the hell were you thinking??

[The Afoci]

Overcast weather free of rain made for a crowd turnout of 341 at Fighting Crawfish Arena today. Fighting started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Meldi, Cherry, Simic - Gorostarzu, Uddstad, Parsons, Jimeno, Rossi - Scroggins, Darden.

Square had chosen a strategic 5-4-1 formation causing a mass nap to occur in the stands. The following players had been chosen: Abney - Lombardi, Barreto, Mcgovern, Taylor, Taylor - Conner, Trandahl, Seals, Cheatham - Frazier.

Many thought Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad ought to have been awarded a penalty shot in the 9:th minute, as he went down on the visitors keeper Jim Abney. Apparently he needs to work on his technique. Fighting created a good opportunity to score in the games 18:th minute when Christian Rossi`s hooked ball created a scuffle in front of the goal, and the visitors defenders had a hard time clearing the ball. Fighting tried to break through in the middle repeatedly, but kept getting stuck on the visitors defenders. The referee showed Squares Abel Barreto the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge and then he was ritualistical beat and had a Crawfish attached to his sack. Trader! A peculiar volley from Roy Parsons almost resulted in a goal, but Matt Scroggins wasn´t able to exploit the well-timed pass. The teams went for a half-time break at 0 - 0. Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 78 percent, dominated the battle.

After a fine move down the middle Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad nearly gave the home side one up in the 49:th minute. The finishing shot went just wide, though. In the 62nd minute the home side managed to get a 1 - 0 lead as Norbert Darden flipped the ball after a cross pass from the right. Thus ending the Square Pegs chances as the 5-4-1 provides as much scoring oppurtinities as attending a bar with Hornsmaniac_2. There aren't a lot of them and the ones you get all are shemales. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 74 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt José Javier Gorostarzu. Matt Scroggins on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Square player was without a doubt Art Frazier. Abel Barreto on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 1 - 0.

Not bad. Coming up training update and another piece of the Fighting Crawfish saga!

[The Afoci]

Training Update

Only one PM increase came from 18 year old Dan Woodson. He is now pass/pm, passing, and defending!

Tribute!

After a short celebration for the mild media coverage provide in an attempt to steal Jif peanut butter with the first working prototype of Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws they realized that he is dead and they must start over.

"We are here today with heavy hearts after the tragedy of a few days ago" starts The Afoci "We lost a great one, a pioneer, a visionary Crawfish when he was crushed by a women's purse carried by our own Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Usddad. Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Usddad has spent the last few days whoring himself to earn money to put together this. It is the first ever logo for the Fighting Crawfish provided by Eilim. (Thanks again) And here it is!"



The crowd begins to cry. "It is a picture of him surfing with his family on a trip to Hawaii" says The Afoci "He is survived by some other Crawfish he may or may not have been related to because they all look alike."

The Orcs!

Up next for the Crawfish are The Orcs. This team must train defense because they put up stellar ratings. The owner has made a lot of big transfers 300k plus but appears to not care that he only puts up wretched midfields. I have beat him 3-0 in our only meeting last year.

The truth about my childhood

I was actually caught with 2 bologna lunchables while attempting to leave a grocery store...the second time. A friend and I were hungry(hmmm....) and decide to pick up some lunchables. Being on sale for $1.39 each, we thought, they wouldn't miss $2.78. I was wrong. We made it out the door but were caught after re-entering the store to bag our product. A wise decision that lead to a $200 fine and a suspend 30 days in jail for 1 year. And we never got to eat the food. A truly sad day.

[mckerney]

Woah, this is too good. You actually got away with stealing some crappy food, but then you went back?!?!?

Man, with decisions like that it's no wonder you got in so much debt.

[The Afoci]

Just a Small Update!

Weather conditions were fairly good for football, and The Orcs Arena saw a crowd turnout of 11265. Orcs had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Weinstein - Lyhskär, Gottin, Stuart - Beyer, Sanguesa, Johansson, Vuong, Karstensson - Nederhall, Cãpusa.

Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Holt - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

José Javier Gorostarzu came close to putting the visiting team one up in the 18:th minute, following a solo raid down the middle, but Tommy Weinstein managed to tip the ball to a corner. 0 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 57 percent possession rate.

Fighting, bringing the final ball possession rate to 72 percent, dominated the battle.

The most dominating Orcs player was without a doubt Michael Lyhskär. Remia Vuong on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Tommy Holt. Christian Rossi was a disappointment, however. The match ends 0 - 0.


Usually I would add in some (hopefully) funny comments, but I think the funniest thing is that I had one event and it was the first update of the game.

[The Afoci]

In the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now it was a cold and windy a day in Fargo ND. Wind swept through the trees and across the fields. The mighty wind then slammed but one door. It was but one door, but this one door was different from the other doors. For it was the one door, the only door to the Secret Hide-out not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. So when this one door shut from the wind it cause but one reaction down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now as this one reaction spread so frantically from man to man and dog, this one and only one reaction was wonder. This wonder was directed at the only door to get down here, but that wonder also spread to who could be inside the only door to down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

So it is with thoughs of what may be on its way because it shut the only door, the man and man and dog had to decide. They had to decide on who was to go first, and this though of who had to go first was an obvious enough one that it is a wonder anyone even wondered. For it was the one that came second that would be the one who would go first and so it was that Mikey "Number Two" Denney was to walk up the stairs towards the one and only door to get down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

So with the thought and slight discussion that lead to the one who came second to go first, we were left with a man and a dog along with some Jif. Another thought so certain to arise arouse in the pants of the man. As disturbing as that is, imagined the dog who was to get fat off his Jif and cream. Only the Jif can in the can that was delivered in the deepest, darkest depths of...

As the mans moans grew louder as the Jif that was still chilled from the recent application was growing less and less, the man who came second had already been sent first and was many steps upon his way. It was here he knew, he had decided another of those certain decisions, though he thought it over anyway. He had determined, that going second in Jif line was not a good decision down in the deepest, darkest depths of...

As his illness grew deeper, and his stomach grew tighter, the man who goes second, now sent to go first realized that going second to a dog now going third has left him more ill than he cares to handle, but he has a task at hand this time, not at mouth so he moves closer to the one and only door to go in the deepest, darkest depths of...

He now hears the moans grow louder as his illness grows closer, as the Jif is almost gone, the perfect application by an experienced man left the proper amount to reach ejection and with that it left the man who came second, but already sent first to investigate the one and only door down here, who has grown significantly more ill as his thoughts of going second to a dog now going third, caused him to eject a form of Jif and cream on the stairs in the deepest, darkest depths of...

Now slipping and falling, hitting his head, the poor man who came second, but was sent first to investigate the one and only door down here, became ill to the fact that he had gone second to a dog now going third, causing him to eject a mighty amount of Jif and cream causing him to slip, fall and ultimately decide to just say that it was the wind that hit the door, causing the one and only door down here to shut and it was not Easy Mac's team, although the plans are being designed to destroy them in the deepest, darkest depths of...

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My Head!

[The Afoci]

After some creative road blocks, I am back...(hopefully)

A light through THE FOG

Fairly good weather for football had drawn a crowd of 11307 to Fighting Crawfish Arena. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. They fielded: Holt - Gorostarzu, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Kline, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

THE had chosen a strategic 4-3-3 formation. They fielded: Adde - Tacchi, Malcolm, Bland, Sundstrøm - Numbers, Hennen, Ohlsjö - Barton, Jiménez, Parker.

2 minutes into the game a free kick combination hooked into the box almost resulted in the home team taking the lead, but he was getting head at the time causing the shot to go wide. The cheerleader felt bad. Fighting's Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem scored 1 - 0 by shooting accurately and hard from a long distance, leaving the opponent goalie no other option than to pick up the ball from the net and pick a Crawfish from his sack. The referee showed Fightings "I am a big mean fire breathing" Dragan Simic a rash on his sack and he responded by putting a Crawfish on it! He was given a yellow card after that. The THE player was Bryan Hennen who had to be helped off the pitch, unable to finish the game after fear his sack would be next. In the games 25:th minute Fighting´s Christian Rossi fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Christian Rossi for taking a dive. With 32 minutes played Norbert Darden could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but he was just a bit too high for the game. The referee showed THEs Börje Ohlsjö the yellow card after a particularly nasty challenge with a three legged donkey resulting in some interspecies loving. Halftime score was 1 - 0. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 78 percent possession rate.

Fighting put their lead ahead another goal as Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad struck home the 2 - 0 goal, after an attack from the left setting him up unmarked with the keeper. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 84 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Tommy Holt. However, Norbert Darden made a disastrous appearance. Most important THE player was Ola Adde. Börje Ohlsjö was a disappointment, however. The match ends 2 - 0.

Overview

They run a 4-3-3 and get great attack and defensive ratings, but their midfield is usually disasterous. I play them again next week followed by The Orcs and FC Cheescake which are currently the two teams ranked above me. I can beat the Orcs normal, tied them last game, and I will MOTS the Cheesecake and pray I score on them.

We got a decent Youth Pull this week, his 18 and inad at defense and passable at winger. I may try to sell him or a current player, I haven't decided yet.

Rumors of Rumors

The Afoci was seen visible intoxicated after last nights game and rumor has it he brought some fine young ladies down to his secret hide out for some hot action...Stay tuned to see what he learned from the mack daddy of those who don't have to shave it yet, Hornsmaniac_2.

[The Afoci]

Its time for some lovin'

The smell of alcohol was very noticeable in the car as The Afoci pulled up to the secret hide out not so far from the Fighting Crawfish Arena. As his shiny, 1992 Green Pontiac Grand Prix pulled up, a guard came up to open his door. They ran into troubles because the door handle was missing. The Afoci opened it himself. From the back seat came what he referred to as "His Bitches". They were all escorted to the depths of secret hide out. His car was parked facing out incase of an emergency so they could leave with out putting it in reverse. It was necessary because the car lacked any power steering fluid. The Club was placed across the wheel, although it probably wasn't required considering he was the only one able to actually open the finely tuned piece of machinery.

As the three, The Afoci, a blonde and redhead, passed thru the first check point, music could be heard clearly coming from the next room. Some barking was also heard and The Afoci approached the door slowly and listened to what he could hear...

The first noise was the sound of Warrants Dog eat Dog album. The Afoci turned towards the ladies and says "that was a very underappreciated album." He then heard 2 very distinct barks. One was obviously Chavez "The dope finding" Dog.

At this point, there was really only one thing that would make since to do. Smoka la toka. Pulling a 4ft bong out from his pants and packing it, the ladies suddenly weren't so excited anymore. Within minutes, they all became very fluent in the language of dog.

"Yeah bitch, get on top" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "I am going to do you human style, like the slut dog you are..."

The Afoci jumps in to see a dog on top of Chavez "the dope finding" Dog. She gets off him and runs towards her collar, puts it back on and runs out of the secret hideout.

"What the hell man" says Chavez "the dope finding" Dog "That was a hot bitch, why didn't you check the door handle, I told you I would piss on it if I had a honey down hear."

The three humans all smell there hands and the door handle and say sorry. Chavez "the dope finding" Dog puts on his visor and his FUBU color and walks out "looking for some fine honeys".

The Afoci walks up to the futon and says to the ladies "Looks like a couch, right?"

"Yeah" they both reply.

He then folds it down to a bed, "Now look at this, the world’s most uncomfortable bed."

"OOOHHH" they both reply.

"So who hear likes peanut butter?" says The Afoci with a sly look on his face.

Confused they both raise there hands.

"Its tough work being the leader of a group determined to take over the world with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws" says The Afoci "So sometimes I just like to relax." He turns on the CD player and Michael Jackson’s Dangerous starts playing. He sings to himself "I don't matter if your black or white, because you all can lick peanut butter from my sack."

Very confused the girls look at each other and with some fear they look back at him.

The Afoci starts taking off his clothes as he dances like Michael Jackson and looks seductively over to the ladies. "So what’s your favorite peanut butter?"

The both reply "Jif".

"Perfect" says The Afoci "OOOHHHH" he says as he grabs his crotch.

"That sounds just like Michael Jackson, how did you get such a high pitch?" asks the Blonde.

"I don't know?" says The Afoci examining his package, "It probably has something to do with this rash and open sore oozing puss."

"Yeah, probably" she replies.

Standing in a thong, The Afoci approaches the ladies. "So do you ladies like to role play?"

They both smile and say "Oh Yeah!"

He smiles and says "Hold on, let me go freshen up, I will be back in a moment" He then walks towards the bathroom and knocks a picture off one the shelves. "Oh ladies" says The Afoci as he bent over to pick it up.

They both ohhh and ahhh at the site.

Once in the bathroom, he glances at a picture of the greatest man with the ladies every. He then say The Hornsmaniac_2 Prayer.

"Dear Hornsmaniac_2, give me the power to be cocky and funny, as you have been cocky and funny. Please lead me to the way of picking up the honeys and please show me the way to make sure they are mostly female. Give me the power to show them that I don't want them and do all in one. Also, allow me to grow my mullet as full as yours. In your name I pray to get laid, Hornsmaniac_2, amen."

The Afoci glances at The Hornsmaniac_2 picture above the mirror and his WWHornsmaniac_2D bracelet "Be strong and tell them what you want, don't do what they want, its all about you, cocky and funny baby!"

He walks back out the ladies and does a little hop up to them. "Okay ladies, we are going to play a little game I call, Dog Catcher. Who wants to be the Lab and who wants to be the German Sheppard?"

Confused they look at each other and then the blonde steps forward, "I wanna be the lab".

"Okay" says The Afoci "Reddy, you’re a German Sheppard, now on all fours and run. I will take out my dog catching stick and chase you around."

They both get on all fours and begin running around like that. The Afoci then pulls off his thong and throws it to the ground. "Hmm, I will have to wipe better next time, anyway, here pooches." They both come towards him. "No bitches, it’s not fun if you come towards me, I have to catch, stay in character, and I haven't heard any barking!"

They both start to bark. "Shit, those are some angry dogs!" says The Afoci as he jumps up on the futon. He then jumps on the blondes back and wrestlers her to the ground. She fights some but he is able to tie up her hands and feet and places her on the bed. "Now sniff my ass like a dog would!" screams The Afoci.

She does and he lets a huge fart go. Laughing The Afoci says "I always wanted to do that, let me get something for your face, I didn't realize she was going to be a wet one...."

The Afoci then turns his attention to the German Sheppard. "You’re a mean dog, be mean baby!"

She runs up towards him barking the whole way.

"Feisty" says The Afoci "Just the way I like my dogs!" He then pulls out a baton(don't ask where from). "Time to take care of the angry dog!"

She gets up all scared, "This is too weird!"

The Afoci hits her in the knee with the baton screaming "Dogs don't stand up bitch, your ruining my mood!"

She then punches him in the sack and gets up. Both stand face to face. Her knee is bruised and his sack is hurt. They circle around each other in a fashion similar to that of Mortal Combat. She then kicks him in the sack and The Afoci drops to the ground. She continues to pummel him by kicking and punching him. The Afoci then retaliates with the worst move he can think of. A titty twister. She drops to the ground and starts to whither in pain.

"Dogs don't kick and punch bitch" The Afoci "They bite!" And with that she latches on to Little The Afoci. A sound so horrible and so loud could be heard throughout the whole state. The Afoci drops to the ground and is crying in the fetal position. The red head unties the blonde and they both leave.

"But no one licked peanut butter off my sack!" says The Afoci

They both look at each other and walk to him. The red head grabs a can of Jif as the Blonde ties him up.

"Kinky" says The Afoci.

"Yeah, sort of" they both reply.

After smearing peanut butter over Little The Afoci, the both leave and return a few minutes later with a dog that The Afoci has feared since he was little. That’s right the bitches brought back a.....a wiener dog!

As the bitches left, you could hear the screams of pain as the little dog nibbled away at Little The Afoci. But out of nowhere Chavez "the dope finding" Dog appears and rips the wiener dog to shreds. Both Chavez "the dope finding" Dog and The Afoci know what to do. They chase after the girls.

"He is humping my leg" screams the Blonde.

"There is nothing I can do" says the Redhead "This damn drug dog is chasing me...."

[Narrator]

As odd as it would seem from this story, both the redhead and the blonde are now supporters of The Fighting Crawfish. They are 2 of 9 new supporters. In my years of following The Afoci, documenting his life, I do have to say that that boy ain't right...

[/Narrator]

[Poli]

Note to self: Try and figure this stuff out later!

[DataKing]

Save your sanity, Ardent. Escape now while you can.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Note to self: Try and figure this stuff out later!

PM me if you figure it out, thanks!

[The Afoci]

Just a small update, I won my FOFC cup match last night.

I am going to X-fest, so there will be no updates until sunday at the earliest. Just thought I would tell ya. Thanks

The Afoci

[sterlingice]

Not that this isn't just stating the obvious but: TMFI.

SI

[The Afoci]

hmmm... what is "TMFI"?

[mckerney]

Too much information, I believe. Though in reality it's not too much, it's just the wrong information for some of those weaker stomached people out there.

[The Afoci]

Just a quick update since I am currently sick as hell. Damn XFest.

The Crawfish crushed the new squad in the league, 6-0.
We also sold Jose Javier Gostoiasdfwuiervasdvfawef for $165k!!!!!!!!!

That is unbelievable. I put him up twice at 100k with no bids and the third time, I couldn't beat the people off him. He was a passable scorer/defender and inad winger/midfield.

[illinifan999]

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
hmmm... what is "TMFI"?

mckerney was correct: Too Much F'ing Information.

SI

[mckerney]

Yeah, but I said it wasn't too much info.

And based on the amount of alcohol people who came into my place of employement bought that were on their way to X Fest, I'm not real surprised about the sickness you must now suffer through.

So much beer...

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by mckerney
Yeah, but I said it wasn't too much info.

I suppose to clarify, your definition of the abbreviation was correct. As for the editorializing, well, we disagree

SI

[The Afoci]

The Creation of a Crawfish Boy!

[Narrator]

Now that the debt of The Fighting Crawfish is a meager -$144k and a home game coming next week, I figured it was time for you all to find something out. Now as you all have followed me through the trials and tribulations of one boy’s life to create Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws you may wonder what would lead him to want that in the first place. Sure, there were the underground animal fights, the day he lost his virginity and the obvious reasons of Crawfish being the scariest, most deadly animal on the face of the earth. But one thing overall has set The Afoci on his path. On this path for greatness and world domination. It all began weirdly in a semi-truck in Canada.

[Flashback]

The year was 1979. The Afoci’s father was in the early stages of his plans to take over the earth with of all things, The Earthworm. To finance this, his father had taken a risky load on his semi-truck. This load was none other than the US newest top secret weapon. A genetically superior Crawfish. They were faster, smarter and stronger. His journey began just outside of Minneapolis MN. He traveled up Highway 10 and drank much too much beer on his way and had to make a stop in the small town of Hawley MN. After seeing that a Lefse Shop was really his only option as the local bar for some odd reason wasn’t open yet at 9 Am., something that would change, but not quite yet. The Afoci’s dad was a hippie/ladies man. A deadly combination to the panties of all, but mostly humans. Instantly he found himself attracted to a short Lefsemaker and decided to approach her.

His mother was a 19 year-old Lefsemaker. She had grown up only 10 miles outside of Hawley MN and moved into town after dropping out of high school because of fear. The mean streets of Hawley MN weren’t for the light hearted. She purchased the finest mobile home $1000 dollars could purchase at the time and moved it within one block of the local bar. Obviously the perfect place to raise a family once she found her Prince Charming. But on a fateful day in 1979, well making Lefse, she says a hippie/womanizer that would change her life and ultimately the fate of the world. On that fateful day, she locked up the trailer, took a month vacation, and went out on the road. She decided that life with a trucker was what she needed. Little did she know that she was about to be involved in the conception of perhaps the greatest leader the world would ever seen. I doubt it myself, considering Cheech and Chong would be proud of these two’s puffing abilities. It was tough to tell which was greater, the smoke leaving the exhaust of the mighty 18 wheeler or the smoke billowing out the windows of it.

Now as fate would have it, they were about to become a commercial about marijuana. It would say, “Marijuana, it’s more harmful than you thought!” Shortly after passing into Canada and being incredibly happy to notice the 100km/h speed limits, they both discussed what the hell “km” meant and figured it was Canadian for “miles”. Not one to obey laws, much like many hippie/womanizers, The Afoci’s dad began cruising about 120 mph and was enjoying the ride. Suddenly out of nowhere, a large buck with antlers of steel and destiny was struck by the semi-truck. He exploded into a ball of goo that any pornstar would be proud of. All of him, except his head and antlers. They went flying over the semi-truck and struck the trailer with such a force, that a small gash was formed in it. Not one large enough for a Crawfish to escape from, but on large enough for a claw to fit through. Startled by the happenings in front of them, the passed the bowl and smoked away there fear. But soon, oddly enough, paranoia had set in, along with a major case of the munchies. They pulled over to the next rest stop, broke the vending machine and ate every last snickers bar.

Now in highly energized by there new found energy source, The Afoci’s dad told his mother, “Why wait?” on the question of consummating there relationship that neither knew would lead to marriage. Not knowing the Canadian laws, The Afoci’s mother agreed to the arrangement and they retreated to the sleeping quarters of the semi. Suddenly, Bad Company blared over the semi-trucks mighty speakers, and yes, its true, they “Feel like, duh dut duh, duh dut dut, feel like making love to you!”

But not so far from this romantic escapade was but one mighty Crawfish, who was mightier than all the other Crawfish. Perhaps you could even call him a visionary or a messiah. Perhaps you could even call him the bringer of all that is to be. He was able to pry open the small gash in the trailer with his mighty claws and work his way onto the top. He could hear the words spoken by the two lovers not far away and they went something like this. “Wow, that is a great plan, I always loved a man who had the drive to take over the world with Earthworms!” After that all that could be heard was muffled moans and groans. Intrigued by what was before him and destined to do what he knew nothing about, this one mighty Crawfish crawled off the trailer. He found a small hole into the cab of the truck and he watched as man and women became one and as man was about to separate himself from himself in a glorious moment of human avalanche, the one mighty Crawfish did what he unknowingly was destined to do. He latched onto the sack and in a scream of pain and ecstasy, The Afoci’s dad crushed the one mighty Crawfish. He withered in pain as she reminisced over the greatest 45 seconds of the last minute of her life.

Now still unaware of their destiny, they took another step towards securing it. As The Afoci’s had already received payment in advance to delivery of the load, they destroyed the remain Crawfish and returned to the trailer home in Hawley to forever put up the wheels and settle down to conquer the world with Earthworms. The total lose of the crop of genetically engineered Crawfish caused the government to look for other methods of world domination and set up a void that would be filled by The Afoci in the area of attack Crawfish.

Now time had passed, probably two months when The Afoci’s mom realized that her birth control method of choice, prayer, didn’t work. And in a twist of fate, on the day the USA declared its independence from the tyranny of England, The Afoci declared his independence from the womb of his mother. At the time his parents didn’t know of the greatness that was before them.
[/flashback]

And that my friend is how we came to get The Afoci and how somehow, deep inside, he always knew what he needed to become. But one thing still haunts him. And it haunts him in his sleep. It haunts him well he is awake. It is where in Canada is The Afoci’s dad? Will we ever find out?

In a completely unrelated incident, Frogman from Canada is visiting the Crawfish this week in the FOFC cup and ”You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry "s" is currently enjoying the wives/girlfriends of his players. May the best STD win, I mean may the best team win….

[/Narrator]

[The Afoci]

Blame Canada, Blame Canada....

At Fighting Crawfish Arena, 1777 punters turned up, and despite threatening clouds at the horizon, no rain came. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Meldi, Cherry, Randolph - Rossi, Uddstad, Parsons, Jimeno, Simic - Scroggins, Alonso.

Pintendre had chosen a strategic 4-5-1 formation. Lineup: Yin-Hao - de Carvalho, Best, Silfwerling, Ball - Peltola, Rossten, Brouillard, Gott, Lyles - Olenfeldt.

The referee showed Fightings Christian Rossi the yellow card after he stole the refs pants exposing that he truly was a pansy ass. Pintendre´s Anders Gott left the field after 10 minutes because of a nasty blow his wife gave him the night before that resulted in numerous open sores. Many suspect "You better guard your daugthers or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" for the initial infection. His replacement was Stefan Rasmussen who looked full and oddly had peanut butter around his mouth. Pintendre had several good opportunities to take the lead, especially in the 11th minute when Per Rossten came up alone against Mikey "Number Two" Denney who managed a block. Jerry Best surprised the home team with a free kick aimed at the wrong post in the 41st minute. 0 - 1 for Pintendre. Also suprising was the fact he did it with an angry and I mean angry Crawfish attached to his sack! Halftime score was 0 - 1. Pintendre held the ball, with a clear 63 percent possession rate.

Some fine drinking on the pitch by the Crawfish lead to an 50:th minute Pintendre goal, making it 0 - 2. Keimo Peltola was noted down as the scorer. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Pintendre´s Michel Brouillard got himself booked and was then attacked by a rabid Chavez "the dope finding" dog who was looking for some Jif. He found none. In the 71st minute the visitors put themselves ahead 0 - 3 as Vincent Lyles finished off an attack from the left with a spectacular scissors kick that had many stoned Crawfish players believing he was the One and calling him Neo for the remainder of the game. After this Pintendre lowered the tempo in order to concentrate on their defensive efforts that would protect them from the dread Crawfish to the sack method that Fighting Crawfish are known for. Sadly, in the 72nd minute Matt Scroggins passed through the guests central line of defense, scoring the 1 - 3 goal when they were agonizing over the fact that indeed they had Crawfish attached to their sacks. In the games 72nd minute Stefan Rasmussen nearly put the visitors another one up as he broke through but the Crawfish on his sack caused him to fire his load prematurely just outside the box causing him to slip, and his shot passed just over the bar. Pintendres Vincent Lyles got himself booked after a foul smelling fart he let go near a ref. Due to what some considered a severely mistimed tackle, Rafael Maria Meldi spent some on the grass writhing in agony before he could get up and continue the game. Others thought it to be retaliation for him placing Crawfish on the sacks of numerous players and coaches of the Pitbulls. Pintendre, bringing the final ball possession rate to 73 percent, dominated the battle.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Mikey "Number Two" Denney. Juan Luis Alonso on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Pintendre player was without a doubt Per Rossten. Jerry Best on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 1 - 3.

[condors]

you get the strangest match reports i have ever seen

[The Afoci]

This update will include information all related to hattrick to give you guys an idea where the team is at over halfway into this season now.

Youth Pull

Teddy Carney
30 000 US$, 19 years, passable form
Has disastrous experience and poor leadership abilities


Stamina: weak Keeper: disastrous
Playmaking: passable Passing: poor
Winger: wretched Defending: poor
Scoring: wretched Set Pieces: poor

Teddy came at a perfect time as my economy had finally dipped above the -200k mark. I was searching for a cheap midfield trainee and luckily couldn't find one I wanted. He isn't ideal at 19, but will work until the end of the season when my plan is to blow up my midfield and revamp my training to make a push towards DIV.

Economy

This is looking good for the first time since I started this dynasty.

Hattrick » Economy


Economy

Cash funds: -179 722 US$ (-137 492) US$
Sponsors: high on life
Supporter Club: 777 members
Supporters: high on life


This week

Revenue Expenses
Crowd 86 000 Arena 10 550
Sponsors 40 350 Wages 17 004
Financial 2 500 Interest 8 986
Temporary 420 Temporary 2 000
Staff 28 500
Youth squad 20 000
Total revenue 129 270 Total expenses 87 040
Expected income/loss 42 230


Last week

Revenue Expenses
Crowd 4 638 Arena 10 550
Sponsors 39 300 Wages 17 004
Financial 5 300 Interest 7 226
Temporary 840 Temporary 2 000
Staff 28 500
Youth squad 20 000
Total revenue 50 078 Total expenses 85 280
Last week´s income/loss -35 202

Finally my income on home game weeks surpasses my losses on away game weeks.

My youth squad is solid and has provided me with numerous players as of late that are filling the ranks of the squad.

The Orcs

Last time we played them, it ending in a 0-0 tie with a no update second half. Mickey Kline, one of my best middies, is suspended this game and because of form, Monte Randolph, a youth pull a few weeks ago, will have to play wingback.

The 16000 spectators at Fighting Crawfish Arena were in for an afternoon of sunshine. Fighting tactics involved an interesting 3-5-2 combination. The following players had been chosen: Holt - Randolph, de Oliveira, Simic - Uddstad, Danielsson, Jimeno, Woodson, Rossi - Rannem , Darden.

Orcs had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. Lineup: Goodson - Lyhskär, Gottin, Stuart - Beyer, Tompkins, Lönnén, Månsson, Karstensson - Nederhall, Cãpusa.

Fightings Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem gave, after 4 minutes, the home team a 1 - 0 lead after an attack coming in from the right. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Orcs´s Leonard Tompkins got himself booked and found a Crawfish attached to his sack! Things were going to get worse for the visitors as Dan Woodson squirmed himself through the central defense line in the 31st minute, asserting the lead to 2 - 0. Orcs had to manage with a reduced squad from the 37:th minute on, as Jan Gottin got sent off for attacking a ref while he had a Crawfish attached to his sack! Dan Woodson of Fighting received a yellow card in the 40:th minute for unsportsmanlike behaviour as he did naked cartwheels while his junk was only covered in peanut butter. With 42 minutes played Norbert Darden could have brought this one home for Fighting, had his hooked ball gone in, but it went just a bit too high. 2 - 0 was the half-time score. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 61 percent possession rate.

A great save by goaltender Derek Goodson in the 58:th minute kept the visitors in the game as Christian Rossi struck from the left with a real cannonball. Fighting were given a penalty in the 64:th, neatly put away by Ivar "Why can't my name be Ivan" Rannem. 3 - 0 for the home side. A bit later, a magnificent combination in the middle resulted in Fighting´s "I am a big mean fire breathing" Dragan Simic putting the lead up to 4 - 0. The structure of the game started to change as Fighting decided to pull back and meet their opponents with Crawfish with Laser Blasters instead of Claws!. In the games 74:th minute Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad fell dramatically just outside the penalty area. However, the referee booked Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad for taking a dive. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 62 percent possession rate.

The most dominating Fighting player was without a doubt Tommy Holt. Gustav Danielsson on the other hand, had a terrible day. The most dominating Orcs player was without a doubt Michael Lyhskär. Leonard Tompkins on the other hand, had a terrible day. The match ends 4 - 0.

Notes

Tommy Holt gave the team its first ever 3 star player. Gustav Danielsson form has dropped since putting up his 2 1/2 game and continues to hover around poor. Hopefully this week it will change, and there is reason to believe it will.

This week, The Fighting Crawfish go to hated rival, FC Cheesecake. A match up of 1 vs 2. We have never scored a goal against them and are looking forward to doing so this week in what will be our Match of the Season!

Edited because I messed up!

[Nyarlahotep]

Hey dude, how many economists do you have?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Nyarlahotep
Hey dude, how many economists do you have?

I think I have 3, I forgot to fire them now that I am out of deep debt. This week they meet there demise, muhhahhahahh!

[The Afoci]

Press Anouncement for all Crawfish fans!

This week will be Previctory Party II, this time we win! I kept a "waiting list for guests from last party that never got in. I will post that later. If there are any changes, let me know. I will be posting a schedule that hopefully I can keep up with this time. Rumor has it that the event will be featuring the one, the only Hornsmaniac_2 for Friday's send off!

[The Afoci]

Here is the waiting list:

sterlingice Tim Kimber and Mick Starks
NevStar "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski
mckerney Art Frazier and Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl
Aesyrqwe David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien
robbgmaier Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree
Qwikshot Eli Svarva "Beans"
DataKing Ben McMahon
Havok Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu
Raven Hawk Lindsey Bentley and Costan Cinca
and attending himself, AKnightofNi

Hopefully tomorrow, the first event will start!

[illinifan999]

Can I get into the party? One of my players, Richard Mcgowan would also like to attend.

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by illinifan999
Can I get into the party? One of my players, Richard Mcgowan would also like to attend.

Yep, I will try to fit as many as I can in. The ones that missed the first party have priority though.

[Qwikshot]

Originally posted by The Afoci
Here is the waiting list:

sterlingice Tim Kimber and Mick Starks
NevStar "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan Kozuchowski
mckerney Art Frazier and Kalle "Waste of $15000 even though he's valued more than six times that" Trandahl
Aesyrqwe David Dewitt and Jerald Obrien
robbgmaier Oriol "double stuff" Villaver and Elijah "the prophet" Dupree
Qwikshot Eli Svarva "Beans"
DataKing Ben McMahon
Havok Vlad "The Impaler" Nutiu
Raven Hawk Lindsey Bentley and Costan Cinca
and attending himself, AKnightofNi

Hopefully tomorrow, the first event will start!

Eli is no longer with us...sadly he was sold to another team...I can send someone else...Travis "John Philip" Sousa can come since he's hurt, he'll need some "medicine".

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by Qwikshot
Eli is no longer with us...sadly he was sold to another team...I can send someone else...Travis "John Philip" Sousa can come since he's hurt, he'll need some "medicine".

I will be picking up some "medicine" after work for him.

[sterlingice]

Originally posted by The Afoci
I will be picking up some "medicine" after work for him.

Hey! That's not glaucoma

SI

[The Afoci]

The First Events Start!

The First Event at the PreVictory Party II: This time we will score a goal! is the initial meet and greet of some early "special guests".

"You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s" has already handed out the "gift basket" to SterlingIce's Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" and Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks and NevStar's "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski. After opening the basket and seeing the contents, they all hurried to the secret hideout not so far from the New Fighting Crawfish Arena. After making sure no one would get glaucoma and many questions on what to do with a can of Jif, The Afoci addressed the few "special guests" he had selected for this secret meeting.

"I have selected you four to be here a day early for" starts The Afoci "for one reason, and that reason is this. You four are to return to the Hattrick world and reveal to the masses what I am about to show you. This is the result of many years of hard labor on my part and those of the three midgets and donkey from the Three Midgets and a Donkey Sexual Fantasy Camp for those with a Three Midget and a Donkey Fantasy. They are amazingly fun people and animals. The bonus is also that to midgets, I look huge. Well, at least bigger than usual. But I am going off topic here. What you are about to see is going to propel the Crawfish to the top of Hattrick and more importantly, World Domination."

The Afoci then walks to the incredible large "anti-glaucoma" device that is over seven feet tall and an odd tint of red glass.

"Behind this door is the most dangerous thing the world has ever seen" he continues, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s", Please open the door!"

As he opens the door the room gasps in excitment and then screams in fear. What they saw was perhaps the most terrifying thing a man could see. It was perhaps the thing they expected to see the least but should have expected the most. It was none other than....

DataKing's star winger and someone who is already familiar with the Crawfish, Ben "Ed" McMahon and Chavez "the dope finding" Dog along with one can of half eaten Jif.

"What the hell?" says The Afoci?

"Ummm..." starts Ben "Ed" McMahon "well, it all started when owner Dataking told me about his "Screaming Seaman" birthday present you gave him!"

"Well, I suppose" said The Afoci.

"Well anyway" resumes Ben "Ed" McMahon "He enjoyed his present so thoroughly that he attempted to repeat the process, but to no avail. He sent me back to see what he did wrong. Well as it turns out, all he did wrong was instead of Jif, he used Jelly and instead of a Dog it was prison inmate. He has been ordering Tossed Salad's alot more though recently. Anyway, I got a game to get to, so see ya later."

And with that, he was gone. Stunned, SterlingIce's Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" and Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks and NevStar's "Crazy" Earl Freedom and "Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski looked at each other and then to The Afoci.

"Ah, screw it!" The Afoci says, "Lets Party!"

Tim "Shiver me" Kimber"s" put on a stunning display of grace and athleticism by doing repeated keg stands. He did however end the night by sleeping with a janitor. Sadly, his name was, well, to protect him, we won't say his name.

What happened to Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks is not a happy story, similiar to so many that come from here. He got into a fight with "Crazy" Earl Freedom about who was prettier, Janet Reno or The Ugly Lady from the Goonies. That is when Mick "I am as pretty as Melissa" Starks said obviously Janet Reno and that was followed by "Crazy" Earl Freedom saying "What did you say about my momma?" At that point it was reveal that "Crazy" Earl Freedom was actually the fat kid from the Goonies and his mother was the Ugly Lady from the Goonies. The fighting carried out into the street and no one is quite sure how it ended.

"Not Quite As Crazy" Bogdan "I think this is similar to the unabomers last name so don't open my Christmas Cards" Kozuchowski spent most of the night trying to ensure he wouldn't get glaucoma and typing his masterpiece on why the internet has corrupted the kids and porn. His claims are mainly that he was forced to look through dumpsters and scrambled tv stations for porn when kids nowadays get it everywhere. It was rather said too. He ended the night by attempting to give away his sunglasses and hat from a famous sketch someone once drew of him that is more familiar than the Mona Lisa. No one accepted.

But pehaps the weirdest thing of the night came when Raven Hawk's Lindsey "Please don't confuse me as a girl" Bentley and Costan Cinca "da mayo". Costan Cinca "da mayo" enjoyed numerous drinks and hooked himself up with one of the finest farm animals the world has ever seen. Those latinos are some crazy lovers. But the real tragedy came, and I mean came late. Really late. After Lindsey "Please don't confuse me as a girl" Bentley was very intoxicated and very high, he met up with resident stud, "You better guard your daughters or they will be" Les "their" Cherry"s". After finding out his name was Lindsey, he assumed he was a she and the beast with two backs turned into the beast with two backs and one man that screams in pain and agony and one who later runs and hides from embarassment. You can figure out the rest on your own as. Time for me to go hit the peace pipe and prepare for tonights matches.

[Poli]

Did any of my guys make the first party?

[The Afoci]

Originally posted by ardent enthusiast
Did any of my guys make the first party?

Nope, but if you want any to come, just post a list. Please try to limit it to two. Hopefully I will be able to work them in by the end of the week.

[The Afoci]

875 spectators had come to Fighting Crawfish Arena this cloudy day after stumbling out of the pre-victory party. Fighting had chosen a strategic 3-5-2 formation. The following players had been chosen: Denney - Lyon, Cherry, Randolph - Parsons, Woodson, Mikula, Carney, Uddstad - Meldi, Alonso.

ballers started off with a 3-5-2 lineup. They fielded: Hitchcock - Raunkjær, Lindhlius, Niemi - Clinton, Skals, Granheim, Serbãnescu, Lon-Ban - Myrgård, Beach.

In the 3rd minute Rafael Maria Meldi surprised the opponents with a 40 metre pass to Juan Luis Alonso who quite easily could settle the score to 1 - 0. 5 minutes into the game ballers´s Vincent Lindhlius found a gap in the home sides central defense scoring with a long shot, making it 1 - 1. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, ballers´s Eivind Granheim got himself a Crawfish attached to his sack! Rafael Maria Meldi gave his Fighting the lead with 2 - 1, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders to a game of checkers, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post after getting 3 kings! A penalty in the 31st minute gave the home side a chance at adding to the score, but a drunken Rafael Maria Meldi shot the ball wide, in an effort to put it away in the top corner. After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Fighting´s Dan Woodson was able to strip the cheerleader of her shirt. A fine move! The home side´s Juan Luis Alonso came close to extending the lead in the 38:th minute. His shot came in off the right hand side but Keith Hitchcock managed saving with a fingernail. The teams went for a half-time break at 2 - 1. The fortyfive minutes were dominated by Fighting, with an impressive 64 shots of everclear taken on the field!

Visitors Martin Beach was alert on a play coming in from the left, making the score a tie at 2 - 2 in the 50:th minute. Fighting made a bid to take the lead as a ball coming in from the right hand side left Dan Woodson completely alone with keeper Keith Hitchcock, who made a spectacular block. Juan Luis Alonso gave his Fighting the lead with 3 - 2, as he successfully challenged both the guests central defenders to a game of put the Crawfish on the sack, then placed the ball unreachably at the goaltenders right post after easily placing two Crawfish on thier sacks! After several obvious shirt pulling incidents, Fighting´s Lars-Olof "Chris Gaines" Uddstad got himself slapped. He lacked the playmaking skills necassary to get the cheerleaders shirts off. Fighting held the ball, with a clear 73 percent possession rate.

Fighting´s best player was Dan Woodson. Juan Luis Alonso was a disappointment, however. ballers´s best player was Jin Lon-Ban. However, Curtis Clinton made a disastrous appearance. The match ends 3 - 2.

Notes

It was a decent game. I have decided that Rafael Maria Meldi will start at forward instead of Matt Scroggins who has struggled as of late.

The Party continues

Rumors are swirling about the appearance of local hero and fan favorite, Hornsmaniac_2 tomorrow. He has been training the boys in playmaking and we are hoping for some cocky and funny results!

[Marmel]

A second party?

I am still wandering around the Crawfish complex with a mostly empty bottle of Vodka, and a mostly empty jar of Jif, from the FIRST party.

When did that sucker end?

[The Afoci]

Technically the party never ended. But for commercial reasons we renamed it so everyone would have to buy new T-shirts.

On a side note, I have a feeling that your departure from hattrick may be brought up in tomorrows party update....

[Marmel]

My departure? I inherited a team from a long lost uncle. Met with the players for no more than 15 minutes (yeah, I really gave the game a chance) and sold the team off!

You soccer geeks make me mad.

[Marmel]

dola....

T-Shirts????

Why do I miss out on everything cool. I heard the legendary Hornsmaniac_2 was at this first party. Where the hell was I? *looking down at empty Jif jar* Oh, nevermind.....

[The Afoci]

Well you will see my perspective of how you left your squad tomorrow.

I will make sure you get your T-shirt from both parties soon... and another can of Jif too!

Chaves "the dope finding" Dog has been commenting on how nicely shaven you have been as of late. He really likes that. Some people don't have that kind of courtesy *cough* Dataking *cough*. And to think it was a birthday present.

[Nyarlahotep]

On a related note Arkham today began selling tee shirts with a picture of Chaves "the dope finding" Dog and the slogan "Yo quiero Jiff".

[thealmighty]

Nyarlahotep, be careful with that "Yo quiero..." stuff as Taco Bell just lost a lawsuit over the whole chihuahua commercial campaign.

[Nyarlahotep]

That was what inspired my post.