How does The Onion keep coming up with this stuff?

cartman · 03-18-2003, 04:01 PM

These guys at "The Onion" are comedic geniuses. It's one thing to come up with a funny, acerbic headline. It's quite another to write a full-length article to support said headline, and do it it an extremely timely, relevant manner.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3910/gulf_war_2.html

User #2735 · 03-18-2003, 04:07 PM

Good...but not as good as http://www.theonion.com/onion3910/hammurderer.html

Anything that contains the characters "The Hammurderer", "Shakes McJunkie", and "The Machead" is gold.

cthomer5000 · 03-18-2003, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by User #2735
Good...but not as good as http://www.theonion.com/onion3910/hammurderer.html

Anything that contains the characters "The Hammurderer", "Shakes McJunkie", and "The Machead" is gold.

Exactly. I still think this is the funniest one i ever read... although you left out the title of the first edition of the hammurderer comic book "Shivved in the McRibs".

EDIT: so it makes sense, this is an old "article" that the onion is re-running. I first saw it over a year ago, and it's the one that always comes to mind when i think of the onion.

Killebrew · 03-18-2003, 05:06 PM

Classic, FOFC members give that "How do they come up with this stuff?" glance at the camera.

KWhit · 03-18-2003, 05:18 PM

I like this from a different article on the site.

"Teachers, like doctors and policemen, have stressful occupations that necessitate the periodic use of levity as a coping mechanism," Berman-White said. "They have to be able to blow off steam somehow. How else can they be expected to teach sub-literate, mildly retarded kids like Erin Grupman all day long without losing their minds?"

Ben E Lou · 03-18-2003, 05:28 PM

This is my favorite Onion picture of all time. The link to the article is below it.

God gives a shout-out to His niggaz!

You probably have to have been at some point in your life at least somewhat a fan of rap to fully appreciate it...

Maple Leafs · 03-18-2003, 05:31 PM

Actually, I'm kind of disappointed. The Onion is the best satire on the web, and to see them go with a "rerun" issue this week is kind of... weak.

Their post-9/11 coverage is still an all-time classic.

CamEdwards · 03-18-2003, 05:32 PM

There's no link there. That's just a shameless plug for your newsletter!!!

I have to say, as much as I like the Onion, I find myself reading Savage Love on the AV page first, then going back and reading the rest of the site.

Ben E Lou · 03-18-2003, 05:34 PM

....my favorite section from that article...

Quote:

"God's the ultimate playa, so naturally He's going to have some haters," rapper Ice Cube said. "But these haters need to realize that if you mess with the man upstairs, you will get your ass smote. True dat."

GoldenEagle · 03-18-2003, 05:47 PM

That article still has me cracking Skydog.

MylesKnight · 03-18-2003, 06:19 PM

Damn this is Funny!!!

"This is not the first time a McDonald's character has stirred controversy for its violent nature. In 1982, the company introduced "Shakes McJunkie," an emaciated addict who robbed characters of their possessions, which he then sold to buy McDonald's shakes. He was later reworked as "The Machead," a homeless, wild-eyed Big Mac addict who turned to panhandling and gay prostitution as a means of supporting his severe burger habit."

Absolutely CLASSIC!!

korme · 03-18-2003, 07:08 PM

I love the Onion. Even though of buyin' a shirt from there.

oykib · 03-18-2003, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SkyDog
This is my favorite Onion picture of all time. The link to the article is below it.

God gives a shout-out to His niggaz!

You probably have to have been at some point in your life at least somewhat a fan of rap to fully appreciate it...

'Dog, that shit iz classic.

AgPete · 03-18-2003, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Maple Leafs
Actually, I'm kind of disappointed. The Onion is the best satire on the web, and to see them go with a "rerun" issue this week is kind of... weak.

Their post-9/11 coverage is still an all-time classic.

Those are some of my favorite Onion stories too. The Holy Fucking Shit issue was great!

These are two of my personal favorites:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/hi...surprised.html

http://www.theonion.com/onion3734/go...dont_kill.html

KWhit · 03-18-2003, 10:29 PM

Yeah, I still crack up from this TV listing from the Sept 11 issue:

On TV Tonight

KWhit · 03-18-2003, 10:33 PM

Ok. I re-read that TV listing thing I posted above and had one of those uncontrolled giggle-fits where you feel like you're going to die and tears start falling down your face where all the tension you feel just gets heaved out of your guts.

I needed that.

It's wierd. That story is funny, but not THAT funny. I guess I just needed to laugh.

AgPete · 03-18-2003, 10:48 PM

Yeah, thanks for the link KWhit, I usually skip their TV ratings but this has to be one of the best ones ever.

CBS
Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air
Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit
Medicating Dan Rather

NBC
America's Time Of Trial: Who Fucking Wants Some? You? Do You? How 'Bout You?

MTV
The 100 Greatest, But, In Light Of Recent Events, Not As Important As Being Good To Our Loved Ones, Videos Of All Time
Yo! MTV Extends Its Condolences
Carson Daly In Way Over His Head

Lifetime
Golden Girls
Golden Girls
Golden Girls
Golden Girls
Golden Girls
Golden Girls

KWhit · 03-18-2003, 10:49 PM

The one that got my hysterics going was the listing for Animal Planet:

Fuck Everything, Here's Some Zebra Footage

Craptacular · 03-18-2003, 10:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shorty3281
I love the Onion. Even though of buyin' a shirt from there.

I'd definitely go for the "Holy Shit, Man Walks on Fucking Moon" T-shirt.

It still doesn't seem right that the Onion moved their writers and creative team to the Big Apple ... come back to Madison where you belong!

GoldenEagle · 03-18-2003, 10:54 PM

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

This could be the greatest paragraph ever.

cthomer5000 · 03-18-2003, 11:12 PM

i found it! my favorite Onion article ever:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3604/nf..._homicide.html

bryce · 03-19-2003, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by KWhit
Yeah, I still crack up from this TV listing from the Sept 11 issue:

On TV Tonight

that one is classic. i remember reading that one during a training session at work back in sept 01 - i ended up laughing so hard i had to leave the room for a bit. thanks for posting that again. i laughed almost as hard this time around...

tucker342 · 03-19-2003, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Maple Leafs

Their post-9/11 coverage is still an all-time classic.

Agreed. The interview with the terrorists in hell is one of my favorites

03-18-2003, 05:28 PM	#6
Ben E Lou Morgado's Favorite Forum Fascist Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Greensboro, NC	This is my favorite Onion picture of all time. The link to the article is below it. God gives a shout-out to His niggaz! You probably have to have been at some point in your life at least somewhat a fan of rap to fully appreciate it... __________________ The media don't understand the kinds of problems and pressures 54 million come wit'! Last edited by Ben E Lou : 03-18-2003 at 05:31 PM.

03-18-2003, 05:32 PM	#8
CamEdwards Stadium Announcer Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Burke, VA	There's no link there. That's just a shameless plug for your newsletter!!! I have to say, as much as I like the Onion, I find myself reading Savage Love on the AV page first, then going back and reading the rest of the site. __________________ I don't want the world. I just want your half.

03-18-2003, 05:47 PM	#10
GoldenEagle Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Little Rock, AR	That article still has me cracking Skydog. __________________ Xbox 360 Gamer Tag: GoldenEagle014

03-18-2003, 06:19 PM	#11
MylesKnight College Benchwarmer Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Neptune Beach, Florida	Damn this is Funny!!! "This is not the first time a McDonald's character has stirred controversy for its violent nature. In 1982, the company introduced "Shakes McJunkie," an emaciated addict who robbed characters of their possessions, which he then sold to buy McDonald's shakes. He was later reworked as "The Machead," a homeless, wild-eyed Big Mac addict who turned to panhandling and gay prostitution as a means of supporting his severe burger habit." Absolutely CLASSIC!! __________________ IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BLACK & GOLD!!

03-18-2003, 10:48 PM	#17
AgPete College Prospect Join Date: Jan 2001	Yeah, thanks for the link KWhit, I usually skip their TV ratings but this has to be one of the best ones ever. CBS Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit Medicating Dan Rather NBC America's Time Of Trial: Who Fucking Wants Some? You? Do You? How 'Bout You? MTV The 100 Greatest, But, In Light Of Recent Events, Not As Important As Being Good To Our Loved Ones, Videos Of All Time Yo! MTV Extends Its Condolences Carson Daly In Way Over His Head Lifetime Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls Golden Girls __________________ Click here for the FOF2004 World Football League Dynasty (WFL) - Football Goes Global! OOTP5 Psychology Experiment (Incomplete but fun read for MLB fans.) The FOFC All-Time NFL Team - Voted on by FOFC members.

03-18-2003, 04:07 PM	#2
User #2735 n00b Join Date: Mar 2003	Good...but not as good as http://www.theonion.com/onion3910/hammurderer.html Anything that contains the characters "The Hammurderer", "Shakes McJunkie", and "The Machead" is gold.

03-18-2003, 05:06 PM	#4
Killebrew H.S. Freshman Team Join Date: Feb 2003	Classic, FOFC members give that "How do they come up with this stuff?" glance at the camera.

03-18-2003, 05:18 PM	#5
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	I like this from a different article on the site. "Teachers, like doctors and policemen, have stressful occupations that necessitate the periodic use of levity as a coping mechanism," Berman-White said. "They have to be able to blow off steam somehow. How else can they be expected to teach sub-literate, mildly retarded kids like Erin Grupman all day long without losing their minds?"

03-18-2003, 05:31 PM	#7
Maple Leafs Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002	Actually, I'm kind of disappointed. The Onion is the best satire on the web, and to see them go with a "rerun" issue this week is kind of... weak. Their post-9/11 coverage is still an all-time classic.

03-18-2003, 07:08 PM	#12
korme Go Reds Join Date: May 2001 Location: Bloodbuzz Ohio	I love the Onion. Even though of buyin' a shirt from there.

03-18-2003, 10:29 PM	#15
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	Yeah, I still crack up from this TV listing from the Sept 11 issue: On TV Tonight

03-18-2003, 10:33 PM	#16
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	Ok. I re-read that TV listing thing I posted above and had one of those uncontrolled giggle-fits where you feel like you're going to die and tears start falling down your face where all the tension you feel just gets heaved out of your guts. I needed that. It's wierd. That story is funny, but not THAT funny. I guess I just needed to laugh.

03-18-2003, 10:49 PM	#18
KWhit Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Conyers GA	The one that got my hysterics going was the listing for Animal Planet: Fuck Everything, Here's Some Zebra Footage

03-18-2003, 10:54 PM	#20
GoldenEagle Grizzled Veteran Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Little Rock, AR	"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them." This could be the greatest paragraph ever. __________________ Xbox 360 Gamer Tag: GoldenEagle014

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)