Funniest Thing Ever (About College)

[korme]

My buddy sent this to me about winter break being over.

College Life 06

So after the 54 day break its time to get back into the swing of things, which means attending the occasional class and drinking heavily. But you ask “didn’t you do that all break?” Well since most were home for break we have to catch you up on what you missed. So drinking on Mondays and Tuesdays in “The Pit” is now on the schedule and everyone knows that Wednesday is the start of the weekend. Unfortunately my new year’s resolution, attending all classes everyday, forced me to cut down on the binge drinking. And for those of you who don’t know the guidelines for binge drinking, its consuming 5 or more drinks in a row, 4 for girls. We’re all drunks….you’re only lying to yourself if you say your not. But my theory alleviates us from this stereotype though.

Once in college you receive a golden ticket, I think it’s in our orientation booklet. This golden ticket allows us to drink at any given time and not be looked down upon by society. For example: “Ohh hey that test was tough as shit…was I even in the right class cuz I didn’t know a fuckin thing…I’m pissed…you wanna drink?” Now even though it’s Tuesday morning, you are still allowed to drink…and if anyone says anything to you, pull the golden ticket out of your pocket, wallet, sock, etc and show them…you now have the right to induce any 5th grade bully technique you please.(Indian rug burn, nuugie, purple nurple, kick in the leg). This is just one of the many circumstances that the golden ticket can be utilized.

Another instance that students often overlook is the “next morning drunk”. I know damn well that everyone has gone through this. You’re sitting in a lecture hall at 11am and the only reason you’re up is because those chocolate on chocolate frosted poptarts that your roommate bought from the C Store had your name all over it. So now you’re just trying to enjoy breakfast when someone says with a loud speaker voice “Damn! Someone smells like straight booze….” The key is to have the gold ticket ready… hold it straight up in the air and tell everyone to “fuck off”…everyone will quietly turn around and get back to the power point presentation Dr.Gordon prepared…. finish breakfast and then leave.

What I’m getting at here is that during college we’re expected to drink. We’re supposed to dink in mass quantities, at any given time, for any fucking reason at all. Hell your neighbor in the dorms could have won the super bowl on Madden 06, you better believe we’re gettin shit-canned tonight. Or you could of set the all-time record for most downloads on limewire. 20,000 mp3z!! congrats, you’re gonna get arrested tomorrow afternoon but hey lets drink and give way to many high fives! That’s what it’s all about, because once you hit the real world and you have a nice job, a cool apartment, you’re limited to when you can drink. One random Thursday night you had a tough day at the office…what do you do?? That’s correct, 12cc’s of a frosty adult beverage. One…One fucking beer, not the usual 18 beers over the course of the day. Then the lady down the hall happens to see you walk outside with it and now the whole apartment complex thinks you’re a drunk. I mean you used to play beer pong till you couldn’t see the cups, set forest lane dumpsters on fire…twice in one night. You get $22 of taco bell, eat half of it and then pawn the rest off for more beer, and now you have one beer and you’re a drunk??? It’s absurd…I know I know, when we graduate we’re suppose to calm down…but what they don’t tell you is that you’re suppose to calm down when your like 35 or something, not at 23 or 24…so for those of you who disagree, I’m holding my golden ticket up and for those who agree are probably drinking. Bottoms up and I’ll see you in “The Pit”

[vex]

Ha?

[sterlingice]

I agree- it's pretty widely accepted as true and ok, but stupid as all get out. "It's ok, you're young and dumb so you get a free pass from responsibility if you drink"

SI

[cuervo72]

35 or something. Hahahahahahahahaha. Good luck.

[korme]

It isnt PC... its funny

[aran]

I still think people who binge drink are more losers than those who drink casually or don't drink.

I prefer to take responsibility for my actions.

[cthomer5000]

Originally Posted by cuervo72

35 or something. Hahahahahahahahaha. Good luck.

Yeah, this is easily the most ridiculous part. There is a rude awakening in store there.

[Sublime 2]

As a 20 year old....I'm a complete binge drinker and I'm kind of worried about it. None of us (me and my friends) worry about it for the most part. I think i'm the only college rstudent out of any of us but after working 45 hours a week their ready to booze too. On a friday we drink about 15-20 beers each and think it's normal. I heart college...but i KNOW it's got to cool down soon.