The Comfort Wipe...

DanGarion · 06-12-2009, 12:36 PM

Hey fatass I bring you the Comfort Wipe, for those of you that are too fat to wipe your own ass... Or don't want to touch dirty, yucky, stinky, toilet paper.

CamEdwards · 06-12-2009, 12:51 PM

It's like a Swiffer for your butt.

Ksyrup · 06-12-2009, 12:59 PM

"Being fat has its advantages [none stated or implied] and its disadvantages [I CAN'T REACH MY ASS!!]."

lungs · 06-12-2009, 01:02 PM

I thought this was another name for the "Courtesy Wipe" that is sometimes needed after you take a shit. When you're all done and leave the bathroom and then realize that you may need another wipe.

DaddyTorgo · 06-12-2009, 01:51 PM

I know what I'm getting for whoever I draw in FOFC Secret Santa next year!!!

M GO BLUE!!! · 06-12-2009, 02:23 PM

I love how when they show how easy to disengage the paper, the paper actually sticks to it.

...and it's the best improvement since the 1880's? I thought that when we went from the Sears & Roebuck catalog to Quilted Northern Double-Ply it was an improvement.

DataKing · 06-12-2009, 02:31 PM

I love the little sunflower in the Comfort Wipe logo. "I used Comfort Wipe and now I feel fresh as a daisy!"

stevew · 06-13-2009, 03:45 AM

How to Safely Use a Public Bathroom - wikiHow

I can't believe someone types stuff like this out.

Quote:

1. Find a bathroom. Find one that is farthest away from any social activity - i.e. the highest floor in school, farthest from the stadium, etc. These bathrooms tend to be the cleanest.
2. Pick a stall. Usually the first stall when you walk in is the cleanest. If the first one's taken, try to find one that appears reasonably clean. Make sure the door can close completely, and if none of them do, be ready to hold it closed with your feet.
3. Prepare your seat. Wipe the seat with fresh toilet paper, whether it was dirty or not. Use a seat cover if one is provided. If the bathroom has no seat covers fold toilet paper over where you will be sitting to create one. You can also lay toilet paper inside the bowl on the surface of the water to prevent the water from splashing if it bothers you.
4. Clean up. After wiping, get up and throw your make-shift seat cover into the bowl. Zip up and flush. Use your hand to flush, you will have a chance to wash them before you leave the bathroom.
5. Roll out some paper towels before washing your hands. This way you don't have to touch the dispenser after washing hands.
6. Wash your hands and always use soap. Dry your hands with the paper towel.
7. Use paper towel to turn off water if applicable.
8. Either push the door open with your foot or if you need to, use paper towel to open door if you need to grab the handle to get out.

[edit] Tips

* Flush before using the toilet if anything but water is visible in it.
* When wiping, layer your toilet paper more than you normally would. The toilet paper in public bathrooms is cheap and thin. You don't want anything on your hands after a wipe.
* If possible, avoid touching the door handles or doors to the restroom after you have washed your hands. Studies have found higher concentrations of bacteria on public restroom door handles than anywhere else in the restroom. Not everybody washes their hands on the way out. If you must open a door to exit, use a paper towel.
* If the restroom in a business needs attention, notify the staff. They may not even know that there's a problem.
* Paper toilet seat covers are NOT going to protect you. If the seat is clean and dry, it's as clean as it gets. There are no infectious diseases carried by somebody's buttocks or thighs. If there are, the covers made from thin papers will not help. If you're serious about hygiene, don't sit on the seat.

Julio Riddols · 06-13-2009, 08:57 AM

Instead of using this new fangled wiping device, the rotund and physically unable to wipe should instead invest in the toilet Ron White mentioned in his most recent standup special.

Apparently a nice jet of water that cleans the nether void feels good and saves paper. I can (may not want to, but can) get behind that.

Lorena · 06-13-2009, 10:29 AM

I'm willing to bet if Oprah recommends this, it'd be flying off the shelves.

Lorena · 06-13-2009, 10:33 AM

dola,

btw, am i the only one who thought this could double as a shower brush?

M GO BLUE!!! · 06-13-2009, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorena

dola,

btw, am i the only one who thought this could double as a shower brush?

Don't poo in the shower.

Pumpy Tudors · 06-13-2009, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorena

dola,

btw, am i the only one who thought this could double as a shower brush?

You mean it's not? Is it too late to cancel my order?

JediKooter · 06-13-2009, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pumpy Tudors

You mean it's not? Is it too late to cancel my order?

She just saved you from one serious and ugly rash.

Solecismic · 06-13-2009, 03:36 PM

For those of you who watched the show "Jericho," about a small town in Nebraska or Kansas or somewhere out there that became isolated after a massive nuclear strike...

Do you ever wonder what will really happen if people's access to grocery stores and other modern conveniences is suddenly cut off?

Is life even worth living once you've been weaned off of toilet paper and suddenly you have to make do with leaves, or worse?

Until reading about this product, I figured if there was a nuclear war, I'd be the first to simply cash it in. Now I think I'll be second, after the people who depend on Comfort Wipes.

06-12-2009, 12:51 PM	#2
CamEdwards Stadium Announcer Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Burke, VA	It's like a Swiffer for your butt. __________________ I don't want the world. I just want your half.

06-12-2009, 12:59 PM	#3
Ksyrup This guy has posted so much, his fingers are about to fall off. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: In Absentia	"Being fat has its advantages [none stated or implied] and its disadvantages [I CAN'T REACH MY ASS!!]." __________________ M's pitcher Miguel Batista: "Now, I feel like I've had everything. I've talked pitching with Sandy Koufax, had Kenny G play for me. Maybe if I could have an interview with God, then I'd be served. I'd be complete."

06-12-2009, 01:51 PM	#5
DaddyTorgo Hall Of Famer Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Massachusetts	I know what I'm getting for whoever I draw in FOFC Secret Santa next year!!! __________________ Get bent whoever hacked my pw and changed my signature.

06-12-2009, 02:31 PM	#7
DataKing Pro Rookie Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Chicago	I love the little sunflower in the Comfort Wipe logo. "I used Comfort Wipe and now I feel fresh as a daisy!" __________________ Current Games Diablo III (BattleTag: DataKing#1685) Allegiances: Chicago Bears - Detroit Red Wings - Kansas Jayhawks Awards: 2011 Golden Scribe - Other Sports Category (The Straight(away) and Narrow - A Forza Motorsport 3 Dynasty)

06-13-2009, 08:57 AM	#9
Julio Riddols College Prospect Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Bryson Shitty, NC	Instead of using this new fangled wiping device, the rotund and physically unable to wipe should instead invest in the toilet Ron White mentioned in his most recent standup special. Apparently a nice jet of water that cleans the nether void feels good and saves paper. I can (may not want to, but can) get behind that. __________________ Recklessly enthused, stubbornly amused. FUCK EA

06-12-2009, 01:02 PM	#4
lungs Pro Rookie Join Date: May 2002 Location: Prairie du Sac, WI	I thought this was another name for the "Courtesy Wipe" that is sometimes needed after you take a shit. When you're all done and leave the bathroom and then realize that you may need another wipe.

06-12-2009, 02:23 PM	#6
M GO BLUE!!! Pro Starter Join Date: Sep 2005	I love how when they show how easy to disengage the paper, the paper actually sticks to it. ...and it's the best improvement since the 1880's? I thought that when we went from the Sears & Roebuck catalog to Quilted Northern Double-Ply it was an improvement.

06-13-2009, 10:29 AM	#10
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	I'm willing to bet if Oprah recommends this, it'd be flying off the shelves.

06-13-2009, 10:33 AM	#11
Lorena Unregistered Join Date: May 2004	dola, btw, am i the only one who thought this could double as a shower brush?

06-13-2009, 03:36 PM	#15
Solecismic Solecismic Software Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: Canton, OH	For those of you who watched the show "Jericho," about a small town in Nebraska or Kansas or somewhere out there that became isolated after a massive nuclear strike... Do you ever wonder what will really happen if people's access to grocery stores and other modern conveniences is suddenly cut off? Is life even worth living once you've been weaned off of toilet paper and suddenly you have to make do with leaves, or worse? Until reading about this product, I figured if there was a nuclear war, I'd be the first to simply cash it in. Now I think I'll be second, after the people who depend on Comfort Wipes.

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