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Old 04-18-2006, 08:21 AM   #151
sterlingice
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I just guessed that your new tactic was to put your hands to your face and make loud farting noises whenever people came into the restroom. That'd scare 'em off

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Old 04-18-2006, 08:56 AM   #152
ISiddiqui
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Originally Posted by Franklinnoble
Just FYI... I tested this tactic out today, and it worked flawlessly. Even during the busy "right after lunch" hour, I had the place to myself. Nobody even tested the empty stalls. They all pretended to just wash their hands and leave me in peace.

This will now be my standard operating procedure for office movements... lock all the stalls. Quick, somebody google me a picture of those guys from the Guiness commercials...

Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.
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Old 04-18-2006, 09:36 AM   #153
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Originally Posted by ISiddiqui
Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.

Clogging all the urinals would be a dick move. Locking the stalls is more of an ass move.
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Old 04-18-2006, 10:59 AM   #154
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Originally Posted by ISiddiqui
Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.

Look, there's about 500 people in my building, about 250 on each floor. On my floor, there's three different bathrooms. I always pick the one in the corner, which only has two stalls anyway. I occupy one, I block the other, I go in peace. I'm hardly keeping anyone from having access to a stall - the other two bathrooms have three stalls.

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Old 04-18-2006, 11:00 AM   #155
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I'm fascinated that the people at your work can't figure out how to unlock the stall.
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Old 04-18-2006, 11:00 AM   #156
ISiddiqui
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Franklinnoble
Look, there's about 500 people in my building, about 250 on each floor. On my floor, there's three different bathrooms. I always pick the one in the corner, which only has two stalls anyway. I occupy one, I block the other, I go in peace. I'm hardly keeping anyone from having access to a stall - the other two bathrooms have three stalls.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Still a dick move.

I hope one day when you really have to take a dump that someone tried your manuever and thus you have to run to the next closest bathroom while trying not to shit your pants .
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Old 04-18-2006, 11:06 AM   #157
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Originally Posted by rkmsuf
I'm fascinated that the people at your work can't figure out how to unlock the stall.

Path of least resistance, I suppose. They don't want to be caught looking to see if there's really someone in there, and it's easier to walk to another bathroom.

Like I said, with three on each floor, I don't worry too much about it. I can always find a stall if it's urgent - I just prefer to find one with at least a buffer zone.
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Old 04-18-2006, 11:13 AM   #158
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Originally Posted by Franklinnoble
Path of least resistance, I suppose. They don't want to be caught looking to see if there's really someone in there, and it's easier to walk to another bathroom.

Like I said, with three on each floor, I don't worry too much about it. I can always find a stall if it's urgent - I just prefer to find one with at least a buffer zone.

Uh, but if they are trying to open the door and discover it's locked then they have already determined that it is empty. I hope.

I like the move though. You should leave both locked when you leave the bathroom. You could have yourself a private office in there.
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Old 04-18-2006, 12:30 PM   #159
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Originally Posted by rkmsuf
...You should leave both locked when you leave the bathroom. You could have yourself a private office in there.

No, absolutely not. Think, man, think! If I keep the empty stalls locked for too long, people will start to catch on. This is a tactic that has to be used sparingly, or I'll risk losing the advantage.

As it is, I expect to have to move around a lot, just to make sure I don't alienate the same area too often. People are habitual about where they go to the bathroom. But there are seven buildings here where I work, all with at least two floors (some with four), and at least three bathrooms per floor. If I spread it out, nobody will get wise to my clever tactic.
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Old 04-18-2006, 12:47 PM   #160
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Originally Posted by Franklinnoble
No, absolutely not. Think, man, think! If I keep the empty stalls locked for too long, people will start to catch on. This is a tactic that has to be used sparingly, or I'll risk losing the advantage.

As it is, I expect to have to move around a lot, just to make sure I don't alienate the same area too often. People are habitual about where they go to the bathroom. But there are seven buildings here where I work, all with at least two floors (some with four), and at least three bathrooms per floor. If I spread it out, nobody will get wise to my clever tactic.

You should draw a map like in Lost that Locke saw of all the hatches and keep track.
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Old 08-02-2006, 02:55 PM   #161
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I considered putting this in the Cell Phone thread, but then remembered this one, and figured I'd resurrect it...

Got this story second hand, a girl both my wife and I are friends with, and I happen to work with (my "work wife", who tries her best to keep me out of trouble).

She heads into the women's room, 4 stalls on each side. She sees feet in stalls 1 and 3 on the left, so heads to the right side. As she's walking, she hears someone talking "So, what's up?". A little shocked, she just stays quiet and heads into the stall. A little more small talk before she figures out one of the two people already in there is in a stall, on their cell phone.

The non-offending person finishes up, heads to the sink. The talker ends her conversation, flips her phone shut...and let's all hell break loose. Followed by a sigh of relief, and then announces, I guess to whoever might be listening, "No more ice cream for me!" By the voice, my friend figures out it is one of the newer hires here.

My friend finishes her business, heads to the sinks...just then, her manager walks in. And the talker exits her stall. The manager acknowledges my friend, and the talker and asks how she is.

The talker responds "ALOT better now! I got ice cream from McDonald's, and I'm not supposed to have milk. It killed me!"

That is one hell of an impression to make after about 3 weeks on the job!
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Old 12-05-2006, 12:25 PM   #162
rkmsuf
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You mutha.

Sitting in stall #4 and the stall #3 snuggler strikes again. Nobody in 1,2, or 3 and this guy settles into #3.

Madness I tell you.
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Old 12-05-2006, 12:36 PM   #163
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You mutha.

Sitting in stall #4 and the stall #3 snuggler strikes again. Nobody in 1,2, or 3 and this guy settles into #3.

Madness I tell you.
When I'm forced to pick one of the small stalls, I take the one on the end and then pilfer the TP out of the one next to me to prevent stall-snuggling. Muahahahaha!
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Old 12-08-2006, 09:13 AM   #164
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George is getting upset!

OK, new one yesterday. I'm hanging out in stall 3, there are 3 stalls and two urinals in this bathroom. Not another soul in the restroom with me when this guy comes in, makes a beeline for stall two and proceeds to take a leak. No hesitation at all when choosing his target either which concerns me. I'm all paranoid sitting there thinking the dude is like really tall or something and is going to peek over the wall. I actually check to make sure he's not looking down into the stall.

So the guy starts to go and it was like he had power washer in there. I swear he must not have peed for days. And to top it all off he rips off a couple farts as he is standing there.

Serenity now!
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Old 12-08-2006, 10:01 AM   #165
Warhammer
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What's wrong with farting while peeing? I figure its better to rip off a few farts in the bathroom while peeing rather than ripping them off in the office or in line somewhere.

Hell, if I have a massive fart coming on, I'll use the bathroom to let loose, and then return to what I was doing.
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Old 12-08-2006, 10:04 AM   #166
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What's wrong with farting while peeing? I figure its better to rip off a few farts in the bathroom while peeing rather than ripping them off in the office or in line somewhere.

Hell, if I have a massive fart coming on, I'll use the bathroom to let loose, and then return to what I was doing.

What's so very wrong is that this person decided to do it in the stall right next to me when the proper procedure is to go into stall #1 to do that. Or go to the urinal man. I mean our feet were no more than 8 inches apart!

I've been violated.
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Old 12-08-2006, 10:12 AM   #167
Warhammer
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Sorry, I missed the part about the buffer zone.

What I hate is when people go in their own office to fart. Then you walk in, and the fart cloud is just hanging there and you walk smack into it with no warning.
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Old 12-08-2006, 10:29 AM   #168
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You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).
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Old 12-08-2006, 11:04 AM   #169
rkmsuf
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You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).

I would feel much better about the whole thing if there were no stall choice.
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Old 12-08-2006, 09:17 PM   #170
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You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).

I always take the handicap stall. There is only one other full-time guy in our office, and the other office on our floor has been vacant for over a year. It's almost like having a private bathroom.
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:44 PM   #171
st.cronin
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Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:46 PM   #172
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Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?


Throw a roll of extra paper? If you're on the seat long enough for the light to go off, you've got bigger problems than just being in the dark.
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:47 PM   #173
rkmsuf
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Originally Posted by st.cronin View Post
Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?

Excellent job sir. I've had this happen as well. Now if you are lucky you can wave your hand over the stall door and the light comes back on. If not you have a couple options.

One is sit there like a creep and wait for someone else to come in. You could also just come right out of the stall, trip the sensor and hightail it back to your seat.
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:48 PM   #174
rkmsuf
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Throw a roll of extra paper? If you're on the seat long enough for the light to go off, you've got bigger problems than just being in the dark.

Now we are getting somewhere. Nice suggestion.

It's possible that the timer is set way to short to accommodate a taco bell lunch.
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Old 12-11-2006, 01:52 PM   #175
st.cronin
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Maybe I should just start carrying around some super balls.
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Old 12-11-2006, 02:38 PM   #176
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how funny would that be!!
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Old 12-11-2006, 06:36 PM   #177
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OK, so the bathroom near my office, there are 2 stalls, the small one and the handicapped one. Well, 4 times in the past 8 days, the same guy has come in while I'm in the handicapped stall. And he drops the nastiest thing you've ever heard or smell every time. Is there no decency? I've even tried staggering my times to no avail. And I know its the same guy because I can see his tag in the crack below the wall.
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Old 12-11-2006, 06:43 PM   #178
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This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.
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Old 12-11-2006, 07:13 PM   #179
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This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

Gotta give it to the Europeans, they know how to make a bathroom.
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Old 12-11-2006, 07:14 PM   #180
Logan
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Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue View Post
This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

*First time I've ever said this*

I wish I lived in Brussels.
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Old 12-11-2006, 08:30 PM   #181
CU Tiger
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For the motion light troubled, there should be a small switch below the IR that if pushed over will be a constant on setting
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Old 12-12-2006, 06:32 AM   #182
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Gotta give it to the Europeans, they know how to make a bathroom.

That they do. Though I hear that the Japanese blow everyone away when it comes to bathrooms and toilets. I look forward to that day when I need to relieve myself in the Land of the Rising Sun.

One word of caution: There is a bathroom somewhere along the trip to the top of St. Peter's Cathedral in Rome. Use it at your own risk. It's actually just a hole in some tile on the floor. Fine for number one, a bit... trickier for number two. Trust me.
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Old 12-12-2006, 01:31 PM   #183
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When you began said journey to the top of a legendary Roman cathedral you should have made arrangements beforehand on dropping a deuce.
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Old 12-12-2006, 01:51 PM   #184
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ok, so I need to take a break and go to use the comode.. I open the stall door only to see a complete blowout has happened earlier. i.e. someone had splattered the back of the inside of the bowl with what can only be described as shrapnel. Hard chunks, not a soupy mix mind you. How tight your sphinctor needs to be to accomplish that feat I'll never know... how do you even get an angle to do such a thing. It was just on the back of the bowl, not really on each side of the inside. It seems as though you'd need to be angled towards the back somehow... it was interesting really... having said that I chose the next stall over.
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Old 12-12-2006, 01:52 PM   #185
rkmsuf
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ok, so I need to take a break and go to use the comode.. I open the stall door only to see a complete blowout has happened earlier. i.e. someone had splattered the back of the inside of the bowl with what can only be described as shrapnel. Hard chunks, not a soupy mix mind you. How tight your sphinctor needs to be to accomplish that feat I'll never know... how do you even get an angle to do such a thing. It was just on the back of the bowl, not really on each side of the inside. It seems as though you'd need to be angled towards the back somehow... it was interesting really... having said that I chose the next stall over.

sounds like an explosive situation
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:00 PM   #186
timmae
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sounds like an explosive situation

Imagine sitting next to this specimen when the event is occuring...
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:06 PM   #187
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We call that painting the bowl down here.
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:14 PM   #188
Flasch186
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a full hunched squat can lend to a higher aim towards the back of the bowl. This often times can be what follows a high fiber breakfast followed by a mexican lunch or japanese cook table lunch. Its called "high and tight"
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:24 PM   #189
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When you began said journey to the top of a legendary Roman cathedral you should have made arrangements beforehand on dropping a deuce.

Sound advice.

That said, it came upon me very suddenly. Indeed, it was as if every ounce of my being was moved by the grandeur.
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Old 12-12-2006, 02:28 PM   #190
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Sound advice.

That said, it came upon me very suddenly. Indeed, it was as if every ounce of my being was moved by the grandeur.

You left your mark on history.
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Old 12-13-2006, 03:41 PM   #191
rkmsuf
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Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?
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Old 12-13-2006, 03:46 PM   #192
KWhit
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I had to learn to go lefty when I tore a ligament in my right wrist. That was difficult. It felt like a stranger was wiping me every time.
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Old 12-13-2006, 03:51 PM   #193
st.cronin
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When I tore my rotator cuff, I had to do everything left-handed. Cleaning up after #2 was one of the more difficult tasks.
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Old 12-13-2006, 04:19 PM   #194
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Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?

In Arab countries you are only supposed to wipe your hand with your left hand. Right handed wiping is strictly forbidden. It's why I often refer to people who are left handed as being ass-handed.

Or as wikipedia.org explains:

"A profound Arab stigma against left-handedness dates to a pre-industrial period when paper was extremely rare and (in desert regions) water was too precious to be used for hand-washing. Because it was necessary to use one hand for wiping oneself after defecation, and because it was impossible to cleanse this hand thoroughly, the hand used for this task (traditionally, the left hand) was deemed unfit to be used for any other activity, especially as most Arabs of that time lacked eating utensils, and so they ate with their fingers (of the right hand) from communal dishes, while keeping the left hand entirely concealed at mealtime. To this day, it is widely regarded as taboo in Arab culture to handle food with the left hand. Offering one's left hand for a handshake greeting, or even waving it in greeting without touching, would be considered a serious personal insult in Arab society."
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Old 12-13-2006, 04:36 PM   #195
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Originally Posted by Warhammer View Post
What I hate is when people go in their own office to fart. Then you walk in, and the fart cloud is just hanging there and you walk smack into it with no warning.
You know, I've started feeling pretty bad about that. Now I go into the office next to mine and just rip one in front of this blonde I work with. I'm not sure if she really notices over the sound of the copy machine or the fax machine, but it's better than stinking up my own office, am I right?
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Old 12-13-2006, 07:24 PM   #196
gkb
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Colorado
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Originally Posted by Honolulu_Blue View Post
This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

A little slice of heaven...
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Old 12-13-2006, 09:34 PM   #197
CU Tiger
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Backwoods, SC
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Originally Posted by KWhit View Post
I had to learn to go lefty when I tore a ligament in my right wrist. That was difficult. It felt like a stranger was wiping me every time.

I'm guessing not as strange as another chore?....


But I digress...
Stall humor of the day.
At my office I work in an addition that was added about 5 years ago to a building that was built in the 70's.
So you have the "Front" office and 300k square foot warehouse and the back office. Only when some dumb ass designed the back office they left off bathrooms, so we have to walk across the entire warehouse to the breezeway or up into the front office.

Breezeway has locker rooms for warehouse employees and changing area complete with shower etc. and 4 stalls and 3 urinals. But the stalls are really tight (try 26" wide) and being a very broad shouldered guy if I go in there I literally cant wipe, I have to turn sideways then back to toilet to dispose etc..

So I always go to front office.

After lunch I need to drop some mexican kids off at the pool and head up front. Stall 1 is occupied (this "lounge" only 1 urinal and 2 stalls) no time to walk to alternate, stall 2 it is.

I enter a clean stall that someone has forgotten the 2nd flush on (or so I thought) I give the seat a courtesy wipe and a quick flush and prepare to do business when the Great Flood begins paper,turds and water come boiling up an out, heading straight for the drain in (occupied) stall 1.

I hear a few curse words and shuffling when quickly our IT dierector (the most hated guy in our company for other reasons) comes stumbling out...

I had to die to keep from laughing in his face.

The best part he grumbled bitchd and then buckled his belt and left the restroom, without washing his hands, drying his shoes, or apparently (judging by noise) even wiping...
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Old 12-13-2006, 09:44 PM   #198
stevew
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: the yo'
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Originally Posted by rkmsuf View Post
Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?

No, but the last apartment I rented had a toilet that was fashioned in such a manner that it was virtually impossible to wipe easily. Sort of like going in a phone booth sized area. I felt as if my home field advantage was taken away, as I had to find new creative ways to wipe.
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Old 12-14-2006, 09:05 AM   #199
rkmsuf
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Join Date: Dec 2001
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Originally Posted by stevew View Post
No, but the last apartment I rented had a toilet that was fashioned in such a manner that it was virtually impossible to wipe easily. Sort of like going in a phone booth sized area. I felt as if my home field advantage was taken away, as I had to find new creative ways to wipe.

Like what?
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Old 12-14-2006, 09:10 AM   #200
stevew
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Location: the yo'
It was just awkward.
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