Need some advice

Mustang · 06-02-2012, 11:18 PM

Actually, wife wanted me to write here.

Our neighbors (our favorite ones, we get along with them best. We don't hang out, but when they are out and about we will frequently talk to them), the neighbor came over tonight to apologize for a very large party they were having. It was the second one in as many weeks, but it was to inform us that his son passed away (25.. not sure what happened, I didn't pry as he was obviously drunk and it wasn't the time).

We didn't know about it until now, but I'm sure we are way down the notification line as just the neighbors, but given that we do like them and that we did meet the son several times, we would like to do something for them. We found the funeral notification and it had 'in lieu of flowers, the family requests help with funeral expenses.' (They are both in an out of work right now with lay offs)

I'm not big on writing a check, slapping it in an envelope and saying 'here, sorry for your loss, here is some money'. But we would like to do SOMETHING for them. (Hell, with like 100 people over there right now, if I knew they needed food I'd go to Pizza Hut and order 20 pizzas and have them delivered...) Maybe with their financial struggles that is the best thing we could do.

Lathum · 06-02-2012, 11:33 PM

Maybe a VISA gift card or something they could use to buy groceries, etc... with?

tarcone · 06-02-2012, 11:44 PM

Make them several dishes for dinner. Put them in disposable dishes. That they can freeze and then cook them in. Make them a week of food. I imagine that would be a great help.

RPI-Fan · 06-03-2012, 12:01 AM

If things are rough enough for them that they swallowed up their pride and asked for cash to help with funeral expenses, don't you think that's what you should give?

It seems selfish to do something else which at the absolute best might be as helpful to them as cash, which, it appears, is what they most need (probably by a long shot, given that they asked for it).

Mustang · 06-03-2012, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPI-Fan

It seems selfish to do something else which at the absolute best might be as helpful to them as cash, which, it appears, is what they most need (probably by a long shot, given that they asked for it).

And that really may be the best thing to do. I just didn't want it to come across as callous. (Hey.. sorry for your loss, here is some cash)

Then again, probably just way overthinking it. Just a little stunned tonight with the news.

RPI-Fan · 06-03-2012, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mustang

And that really may be the best thing to do. I just didn't want it to come across as callous. (Hey.. sorry for your loss, here is some cash)

Then again, probably just way overthinking it. Just a little stunned tonight with the news.

To me, any such concerns could be wiped away with a thoughtful card, perhaps referencing their request.

stevew · 06-03-2012, 12:32 AM

I would just put whatever amount of cash you feel comfortable with in a card and say that you saw the announcement in the paper and you are sorry for their loss.

RainMaker · 06-03-2012, 01:11 AM

I might be wrong, but I think that usually means you go through the funeral home, not the family. You give them the check and they'll take it off the bill and provide a list of who made donations to the family after.

Basically I'd call the funeral home at first chance and see what they have to say. It does seem odd to just hand over a check to someone out of the blue.

stevew · 06-03-2012, 01:24 AM

That was my first thought as well, but I was unsure if going to the home was the way these things work.

I also wonder what happens if you don't have much money. do they just cremate you and put you in a box and hold onto you until the family can pay? Like this 30 year old dude I knew died. He was a fuck up with a bunch of kids and baby moms and girlfriends. I doubt he had life insurance. What if his parents could not afford it. Funerals are expensive, I can't imagine the working poor can just shit out 6K at a moments notice.

RainMaker · 06-03-2012, 01:45 AM

I think the county will cover costs for cremation. It's nothing fancy and you do have to apply up front with the funeral home. But I know a lot of funeral homes will work with families too.

rowech · 06-03-2012, 07:21 AM

Sucks either way but I think two options:

1) Go directly to the funeral home and give them the money to help that way.

2) Give them a variety of gift cards to restaurants in the area. We have found in the past this works much better than frozen dishes, etc. because they won't have to worry about preparing it, etc. Plus, they can use them as they're out running around taking care of things, etc.

tyketime · 06-03-2012, 09:16 AM

I think a thoughtful card with cash enclosed is exactly the right response.

06-03-2012, 12:01 AM	#4
RPI-Fan Pro Starter Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Troy, NY	If things are rough enough for them that they swallowed up their pride and asked for cash to help with funeral expenses, don't you think that's what you should give? It seems selfish to do something else which at the absolute best might be as helpful to them as cash, which, it appears, is what they most need (probably by a long shot, given that they asked for it). __________________ Quis custodiets ipsos custodes? Last edited by RPI-Fan : 06-03-2012 at 12:02 AM.

06-02-2012, 11:33 PM	#2
Lathum Favored Bitch #1 Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: homeless in NJ	Maybe a VISA gift card or something they could use to buy groceries, etc... with?

06-02-2012, 11:44 PM	#3
tarcone Coordinator Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Pacific	Make them several dishes for dinner. Put them in disposable dishes. That they can freeze and then cook them in. Make them a week of food. I imagine that would be a great help.

06-03-2012, 12:32 AM	#7
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	I would just put whatever amount of cash you feel comfortable with in a card and say that you saw the announcement in the paper and you are sorry for their loss.

06-03-2012, 01:11 AM	#8
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	I might be wrong, but I think that usually means you go through the funeral home, not the family. You give them the check and they'll take it off the bill and provide a list of who made donations to the family after. Basically I'd call the funeral home at first chance and see what they have to say. It does seem odd to just hand over a check to someone out of the blue.

06-03-2012, 01:24 AM	#9
stevew Hall Of Famer Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: the yo'	That was my first thought as well, but I was unsure if going to the home was the way these things work. I also wonder what happens if you don't have much money. do they just cremate you and put you in a box and hold onto you until the family can pay? Like this 30 year old dude I knew died. He was a fuck up with a bunch of kids and baby moms and girlfriends. I doubt he had life insurance. What if his parents could not afford it. Funerals are expensive, I can't imagine the working poor can just shit out 6K at a moments notice.

06-03-2012, 01:45 AM	#10
RainMaker Hall Of Famer Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago, IL	I think the county will cover costs for cremation. It's nothing fancy and you do have to apply up front with the funeral home. But I know a lot of funeral homes will work with families too.

06-03-2012, 07:21 AM	#11
rowech Pro Starter Join Date: Feb 2006	Sucks either way but I think two options: 1) Go directly to the funeral home and give them the money to help that way. 2) Give them a variety of gift cards to restaurants in the area. We have found in the past this works much better than frozen dishes, etc. because they won't have to worry about preparing it, etc. Plus, they can use them as they're out running around taking care of things, etc.

06-03-2012, 09:16 AM	#12
tyketime College Benchwarmer Join Date: Nov 2003	I think a thoughtful card with cash enclosed is exactly the right response.

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