Thunderdome - Two Men Enter! One Man Leaves!

[Raven Hawk]

Ca$h Money (Rank 1, Malice Unchained) vs. Love Hurts (Rank 1, Bloodhaus)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Spiked Club, Knife, Chains, Knife

As the two men enter the paddocks, it is hard not to notice the grin on Ca$h Money's face. He knows that his weapon will be in the arena, but his opponent's will not. Love Hurts is busy blowing kisses to his fan and posing like an modern day Adonis. The line coming into the match has Ca$h as the favorite. Ca$h looks to be in good form after a good nights rest. Love Hurts, however, doesn't appear to have slept at all. The men enter the arena and go to their respective corners. The host heads to the microphone . . . "BEGIN!" Both men dash for the chains . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Ca$h is quick and gets to the chains . . . just in time to see Love Hurts steal them out from grasp! A huge moral victory for Love Hurts as he begins swinging the chains above his head. Ca$h needs to locate another weapon, and quick. It just so happens that a knife is the closest weapon. Ca$h heads for the knife and Love looses the chains at him as he moves across the arena . . .

[Coffee Warlord]

Two men enter, one man leaves!

Two men enter, one man leaves!

Two men enter, Erik Flamebeard of the Neither Here Nor There leaves!

[Raven Hawk]

Love swings aggressively, but Ca$h looks like a modern day Barry Sanders. He jukes left drawing the attack, then heads right for the knife. Love has no chance as the chains harmlessly strike the dirt. Love, still with the upper hand takes another swing as Ca$h attempts to pick up a knife. With less room to work, Ca$h Sanders barely evades the chainsaw is able to grab the knife.

[Raven Hawk]

Ca$h comes off the weapons pedestal with a blind fury. Love, feels the same vibe and charges Ca$h simultaneously. Love can't get into range and his short stab can't reach. Love can't get much behind the chains as they briefly strike Ca$h's knife before returning to their overhead twirl. Ca$h stabs for Love's belly getting love to flinch, then redirectshis strike to Love's arm, slicing in open. The agonizing pain in the arm interrupts the wild swinging of the chains and Love loses control of them. They fly from his hand, land in the dirt, and slide up against the wall . . . Ca$h grins.

[Raven Hawk]

Love makes for the nearest weapon, the spiked club. Ca$h lets him go and cautiously makes his way over to where the chains are resting. Ca$h sheaths the knife in his belt and picks up the chains. Love picks up the spiked club. Both men charge angrily at each other. Love gets his swing off earlier, to Ca$h's surprise. Ca$h's eyes bulge in amazement as the spiked club hits him square in the chest!

[Raven Hawk]

Ca$h let's out a scream as the spiked club punctures his rib cage. Ca$h drops to one knee as Love rips the club, spikes and all out of his chest. He returns the club over his head and adopts a sledgehammer grip as he attempts to finish Ca$h off. With enormous effort, Ca$h is able sneak in a blow to Love's leg. No damage, but the master of the chains has succeeded in his attempt to entangle his opponent. With a quick tug, Love goes to the ground.

[Raven Hawk]

Ca$h stands up with his chain still wrapped around Love's ankle. He continues to tug at it to ensure Love can't get back up. Love fights to get out of the chains, but he is unable to. With a last ditch effort to get free of the chains, Love swings the spiked club at them. It succeeds! Love knocks the chains out of Ca$h's hands. Ca$h immediately grabs for the spare knife that he tucked in his belt.

[Raven Hawk]

Now, coughing up blood, Ca$h knows that he has to make a move, or he'll likely bleed to death. Ca$h, attacks his opponents legs with the knife. Love won't have any of that and kicks Ca$h's knife hand away. Ca$h can't help but back away from the flailing feet of Love. Love buys himself enough time to get up off the ground. Ca$h backs off into a defensive position as Love winds up with the spiked club. Love swings and Ca$h tries to intercept, attacking Love's right arm again, but to no avail. However, Ca$h does succeed in getting out of the way of the nasty club.

[Raven Hawk]

Love, notices that Ca$h is getting a little light headed and moves in for another shot at the kill. Love holds the club up high, an brings it down hard. Ca$h Sanders dashes out of the way, avoiding death once again! But, Ca$h still cannot muster a worthy counter attack. Ca$h clutches his chest as the blood continues to flow out of his chest. Coughing up blood,his world starts to go dim . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Love clobbers down again with the club, Ca$h instinctively rolls to the right avoiding the heavy mass. Ca$h tries to stab at Love from one knee, but he just doesn't have the strength to extend his arm all the way. Love, raises the club high in the air and brings it back down, Ca$h rolls to the left avoiding the blow, in the process he loses his knife. Love misses Ca$h and drives the club into the earth. It sticks there. Both men are weaponless.

[Raven Hawk]

Love tries to pry up the club and Ca$h tries to regain the knife. Love manages to pull the club out of the ground. Disoriented, from blood loss, Ca$h cannot find the knife. Blindly rolling around Ca$h avoids yet another blow from the vicious club head. The crowd begins to sigh as the cruelty of the sport shows itself plainly on the face of Ca$h Money. He stumbles clutching his chest, hoping to find the knife. Feeling around, Ca$h instead finds the chains . . .

[Raven Hawk]

The crowd begins to groan as the two fighters, fatigued and losing blood, continue to swing weakly at each other. The club misses. The chains hit, but fail to do any damage. Both men exchange blows that are missing each other by miles. The crowd calls for mercy and the good lord provides it as Ca$h finally succumbs to his chest wound. The blood from his chest drips slowly and Ca$h closes his eyes as if he were going to sleep. The disaffected crowd doesn't have the energy to cheer for Ca$h's death.

Love Hurts is now Rank 2 and receives a prestige point. Demetrius Cavish collects the $12,000 purse and buys Love Hurts a shoulder guard for his efforts. Love Hurts will not be able to return to the ring until December 23 due to blood loss.

[Raven Hawk]

Next up: Little Jeebie Dee vs. Flatulon!

[Raven Hawk]

Little Jeebie Dee (Rank 1, Malice Unchained) vs. Flatulon (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Crowbar, Longsword, Chainsaw, Rapier

Out in the paddocks all the talk is about who will get to the longsword firts. Will it be Little Jeebie Dee or Flatulon. Both men look in very good shape today. This one looks to be a quick fight. The oddsmakers have it set even at 1:1. The two men are prodded down the tunnel and into the ring. The host steps up to the mic . . . "BEGIN!" Both men go straight for the longsword . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Both men stumble out of the blocks, but it is Jeebie who gets to the longsword first. Instead of going after another weapon, Flatulon attempts to tackle Jeebie before he can bring the sword to bear. Flatulon can't get a good grip on the slippery Jeebie and his clasp slides down Jeebie's torso. Jeebie strikes with the longsword . . .

[Raven Hawk]

But Flatulon is too close in to get a good shot. The sword nicks Flatulon, but doesn't even break the skin. Flatulon attempts to push Jeebie away and succeeds, but he doesn't push him far enough and Jeebie is still in range of Flatulon. Flatulon, however is able to pivot his body and move out of range before Jeebie gets a shot in. Flatulon turns and sees the rapier right in front of him and he picks it up in time to try to block Jeebie's shot.

[Raven Hawk]

Clang! The rapier turns the longsword aside. Jeebie gets a little tricky and drops his shoulder to get an advantage on Flatulon, but Flatulon, knowing the longsword, is wise to the maneuver and thrusts counter to Jeebie's blade. Flatulon turns the longsword outward with a parry, but cannot land his own blade.

[Raven Hawk]

Flatulon aggressively attacks and Jeebie counters with a defensive stance. Flatulons high slice can't connect. Jeebie parries the rapier upward and immediately strikes counter. Jeebies blade thrusts at Flatulon's neck and hits its mark. The blade pierces through the skin and in a moment, blood explodes out from Flatulon's neck. Flatulon gurgles for a moment, then falls to the ground, dead.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Little Jeebie Dee is Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. The Rooster collects the $12,000 purse and teaches Little Jeebie how to better anticipate his opponents attacks. Little Jeebie Dee was not injured in the course of the fight and may fight when he next wishes.

[Raven Hawk]

Next up: The battle of the walking wounded: JAGus vs. Rizarro

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus "The Half Dead" (Rank 2, Pain Unlimited) vs. Rizarro "The Half Alive" (Rank 2, The House of Four Fingers)

Purse: $25,000

Weapons: Machete, Lead Pipe, Crowbar, Chainsaw

Both men come into the paddocks coveraged in bandages and salve. Rizarro looks a little worse for wear than JAGus, but neither looks healthy. The rumor is that Rizarro wasn't resting properly, but rather entertaining his nurses. If that be the case, Four Fingered Flynn can blame his loose medical staff if Rizarro doesn't survive the match. The book has the money favoring JAGus 4:3, but a large late bet knocks it down to 1:1. The two men head towards the arena and make their way to their respective corners. Prior to F. Lee Ermy taking the stand, an astute observer might notice Flynn giving Rizarro a knowing wink. F. Lee Ermy takes the microphone . . . "BEGIN!" JAGus heads for the chainsaw. Rizarro heads for the crowbar?

[Raven Hawk]

Both men end up at their weapons in timely fashion. JAGus pauses for a moment at the chainsaw before he grabs it. Rizarro picks up the crowbar and heads toward JAGus. JAGus gives the starter cord a tug on the chainsaw. Nothing.

[Raven Hawk]

Rizarro steps up toward JAGus and swings for the fences. JAGus attempts to parry with the chainsaw. Rizarro connects, sending the bent tip of the crowbar into JAGus' belly, where it hooks up under his rib cage. JAGus doubles over in pain with the crowbar lodged in his ribs. Rizarro smiles and gives the crowbar a quick tug. The crowbar stays lodged in JAGus' rib cage and begins pulling at his ribs. JAGus, gives up the chainsaw and attempts to remove the crowbar from his midsection as he screams out in pain.

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus is able to control the crowbar enough to get it unstuck from his rib cage, but the crowbar has reopened his old wound and he is bleeding profusely from it. Rizarro attempts to remove JAGus' limited control of the crowbar. JAGus cries out to the sky and wrests the crowbar from Rizarro's grip instead. Rizarro backs off and looks for another weapon. The lead pipe is not far away. Rizarro breaks for it.

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus reverses his grip on the crowbar and takes a fleeting swing at Rizarro. But is unable to connect. Rizarro gets to the lead pipe and picks it up in defense. Rizarro puts up a weak defense as JAGus swings low. JAGus connects with Rizarro's knee and Rizarro toples over in agony.

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus continues forward with the crowbar and swings at the prone Rizarro. The angry JAGus barrels down on Rizarro with the crowbar and sends the tip right through Rizarro's eye.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

The crowbar sticks through Rizarro's head effectively staking it to the ground. Rizarro is no more. The nurses will weep for days, or until a new flavor of beefcake enters the infirmary. Out of frustration JAGus goes over and picks up the chainsaw with the intention of doing some post-mortem dentistry. He pulls on the cord a couple more times with no effect. He checks the gas tank . . . no gas. In a blind fury, JAGus puts his foot through Rizarro chest, heel first. Then, grabbing his wound, he retires to the tunnel and medical attention.

JAGus "mAd" MAXimus is promoted to Rank 3 and earns 2 prestige points for his victory. Torbjorg collects the $25,000 purse and looks defiantly at Four Fingered Flynn as walks across the arena to collect. Torbjorg will train JAGus further in stylization. (As noted in the previous fight, styles can be stacked to increase their effectiveness) JAGus will need 3 weeks to recover from his current wounds. That puts him fully healed for December 28th fights.

[JAG]

Cheating bastards...*collapses*

[Raven Hawk]

Next up: Kingfc22 vs. Fattoe the Smashifier

(Sorry, I just realized that I went out of order, but now we're back on).

[Raven Hawk]

Kingfc22 (Rank1, Bloodhaus) vs. Fattoe the Smashifier (Rank 2, Pain Unlimited)

Purse: $18,000

Weapons: Spiked Club, Chains, Rapier, Lead Pipe

Women and children gawk at the size of Fattoe's mouth as he trots around the stage in the paddocks. Kingfc, however, has a more somber walk. He seems focussed in on the task at hand and is looking for a victory over a higher ranked opponent. Demetrius Cavish, explained to Kingfc22 what a rapier looks like, but Cavish wasn't sure if it stuck with Kingfc22. Kingfc22 looks to be in a bit better shape than Fattoe, even though Fattoe has the weapon advantage. The book has these two going off at 3:2 in favor of Fattoe. The men enter the ring and are taken to their corners. The pages quickly leave the arena floor. The guest announcer for today's matches, F. Lee Ermy gives the call for the men to . . . "BEGIN!" Both men head out for the Rapier . . .

[WSUCougar]

Originally Posted by Raven Hawk

JAGus will need 3 weeks to recover from his current wounds. That puts him fully healed for December 28th fights.

*sigh*

Ya know, lodging a crowbar through a guy's ribs just doesn't do what it used to. 'Grats, JAG. Sleep light...

[Raven Hawk]

Kingfc22' shape shows as he shoots out of his corner and grabs the rapier before Fattoe can get there. Fattoe, realizing that he can't reach the rapier in time heads toward the lead pipe instead. Kingfc22 will get a shot in before Fattoe can get there. Kingfc22 strikes for Fattoe's back, barely catching Fattoe's back with the flat of his blade. Fattoe reaches the lead pipe and gets it up in defense of the charging Kingfc22. The King swings . . .

[Raven Hawk]

but the king is obviously not skilled with the rapier and the strike lands two feet short of its target. Fattoe is quick to capitalize moving in behind the returning blade of Kingfc22. Fattoe strikes for the shoulder blade and lands the blunt instrument squarely upon it. Kingfc22 scowls in pain as his arm goes numb and the rapier drops from his hand.

[WSUCougar]

Ladies and gentleman, I give you:

Name: Professor Plum
Weapon: Lead pipe

[KWhit]

Gunther GoBoom worried about gas in chainsaw.

Gunther GoBoom worried about cheating.

Gunther GoBoom worried about who wins The Real Gilligan's Island.

[Raven Hawk]

Having seen Ca$h Money's misfortune at attempting to go for a dropped weapon, Fattoe, instead presses in with the lead pipe and strikes again. Kingfc22 attempts to grab the rapier that he just lost. Fattoe quickly ends that idea as he smashes the lead pipe across Kingfc22's back. Fattoe connects with Kingfc22's spine and Kingfc22 gets a tingly feeling all over his body as he falls to the ground.

[Raven Hawk]

Kingfc22 regains control of his body and is able roll over onto his back into a defensive positon. Unfortunately for him, his defensive position was facing the wrong way and he rolled into a position which exposed his head to Fattoe. Fattoe takes the opportunity swing at the exposed head.

[Raven Hawk]

Fattoe raises the lead pipe high in the air and brings it slamming down on Kingfc22's skull. The sound resulting from the blow sounds like a casaba melon hitting the pavement from 20 feet above. Brains fly out the side of Kingfc22's skull and his body goes limp.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Fattoe is promoted to Rank 3 and receives 1 prestige point. Torbjorg Andreasson collects the $18,000 purse for Pain Unlimited and offers to train Fattoe further in stylization. (FYI, you can stack styles and be double specialized in Normal if you'd like, or you can grab another specialization). Fattoe was uninjured and can fight again when he desires.

[Raven Hawk]

Next up: The Main Event! Godzillius Blitz vs. Calaleus!

[Raven Hawk]

Godzillius Blitz (Rank 2, Bloodhaus) vs. Calaleus (Rank 2, House Corax)

Purse: $25,000

Weapons: Chainsaw, Axe, Chains, Lead Pipe

Both fighters confidently walk the paddocks. Godzillius looks to be in better form than Calaleus. However, that will not matter if Calaleus can get to the axe first. The current line on this fight 1:1. The men enter the arena and the fanfare begins for the main event. Scantily clad dancers rub up against the fighters. The fighters both enjoy it, but don't let it show. Only one of them would be leaving the ring. F. Lee Ermy steps up the mic for the final time tonight and he gives out the call . . . "BEGIN! MAGGOTS!" Both men bolt for the axe.

[Raven Hawk]

Godzillius stumbles slightly, giving Calaleus the instant advantage as Calaleus grabs the axe. Godzillius changes route and heads for the nearby chains. As Godzillius is grabbing for the chains, Calaleus charges aggressively with the axe cocked. He unleashes a furious blow . . .

[Raven Hawk]

But misses as Godzillius is able to duck as he grabs the chains and starts swinging them overhead. Calaleus takes a swing as he backs off into a more defensive stance. Godzillius easily evades. Godzillius strikes out with the chains. But Calaleus masterfully evades the chains as well. It appears as though the fighters are loosening up and feeling each other out.

[Raven Hawk]

Calaleus comes in with a misdirection attack, but Godzillius is wary of the attack and counters defensively with crossing strikes from his chains. Realizing that Godzillius has countered properly, Calaleus aborts the second attack in his misdirection combination. As Godzillius attempts his own misdirection, he loses control of the chains. Calaleus is quick to capitalize as Godzillius attempts to recover. Calaleus swings heavy at Godzillius' chest . . .

[JAG]

Originally Posted by WSUCougar

Ladies and gentleman, I give you:

Name: Professor Plum
Weapon: Lead pipe

You just couldn't let go the Clue reference, could you?

[Raven Hawk]

Godzillius somehow manages to contort his body out of the brunt of the blow. The axe falls squarely on his shoulder armor and impacts the shoulder beneath it. If that blow would have landed where it was supposed to, Godzillius would surely be dead. In Godzillius' contortion, he had to give trying to recontrol the chains and let them swing wildly from his hands, dropping harmlessly to the dirt below.

[Raven Hawk]

Calaleus fires again, this time from the side. Learning his lesson, Calaleus avoids the shoulder and opens a gash in Godzillius' belly. Godzillius grabs hold of his stomach in pain as he heads for the nearest weapon: The Lead Pipe. But, Calaleus is relentless with that axe, he swings again, this time at midsection level but in the opposite direction. He barely misses and Godzillius reaches the lead pipe and attempts to bring it up to block Calaleus' next swing.

[Raven Hawk]

Calaleus swings over the top again and at the last moment, Godzillius gets the lead pipe up to block! Another death blow averted by Godzillius! The recoil from the axe blow does not allow Godzillius to get off counter shot. Calaleus continues the fury, but Godzillius now able to match his strikes with parries. Once again, the two have settled into a rythym of strikes and parries, testing each others' defenses.

[Raven Hawk]

Godzillius opens up his stance to invite an attack to his right. Calaleus takes the bait like a starving bear takes to donuts. Godzillius quickly shifts his weight and brings the lead pipe down on Calaleus, striking in him in the hand. Calaleus drops the axe as the lead pipe smashes the bones in his hand. Godzillius is so anxious to hit, that he throws a horrible shot over Calaleus' head. Calaleus tries to grab for the axe again, but cannot to bring it to his defense before Godzillius strikes again.

[Raven Hawk]

Godzillius strikes high but misses the dodging Calaleus. Calaleus now readies the axe in his off-hand. Calaleus strikes and breaks Godzillius' defense. A look of panic comes over his face as the axe comes through his face. Calaleus leaves the axe in Godzillius' head as the lifeless body topples to the ground.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Calaleus has been promoted to Rank 3 and gains 2 prestige points. Raven Hawk collects the $25,000 purse and teaches Calaleus another weaponskill: Crowbar. Calaleus will be out 1 week healing his broken hand, but will be at full strength on December 21st should he choose to fight.

[Coffee Warlord]

You killed GB!

Bastard!

[Raven Hawk]

Tuesday's card is completed. The rankings and cards on the first page are updated.