Thunderdome - Two Men Enter! One Man Leaves!

[WSUCougar]

Rizzaro amazes his bunkmates by canoodling three nurses at once, something he immediately dubs the Triple Crown.

[Raven Hawk]

Blade and Love Hurts have been added to the auction block for Friday.

[Raven Hawk]

As the sun peaks in the sky, the arena fills up. The chants echo through the warm Sunday afternoon . . .

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

[Raven Hawk]

DeToxusRoxus (Rank 1, The House of Four Fingers) vs. Hokius Maximus (Rank 1, House Corax)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Longsword, Chainsaw, Longsword, Chains

As is common with the lower level fights, this one is on equal footing as well, as neither man has experience with the weapons selected for the fight. The host takes his seat in the balcony and gives the command to begin!

[Raven Hawk]

Both fighters sprint towards their weapons. It looks like we will see a classic duel this evening as each makes a mad dash for opposite longswords. DeToxusRoxus makes an attempt at misdirection, swinging toward the head, then adjusting to swing at Hokius' sword arm. Hokius is not fooled. He's all over DeToxusRoxus as he adapts to the fighting style. Hokius attemps to interupt DeToxusRoxus' attack! Hokius thrusts towards DeToxusRoxus' head! DeToxRox escapes a skewered skull by falling hard to the ground to avoid the blow! DeToxusRoxus rolls to safety and thanks whatever gods he believes in. Hokius is dumbfounded. That one shot should have ended the fight!

[Raven Hawk]

The fighters circle for a little then they engage. DeToxusRoxus looks out of form and Hokius tries to take advantage and swings at DeToxusRoxus' sword arm. DeToxusRoxus easily evades and returns a blow that is parried by Hokius. Hokius still has the upper hand and tries for DeToxusRoxus' legs. With a low swing, Hokius catches some dirt with the tip of the blade and loses control of the longsword. It's on the ground! DeToxusRoxus steps between Hokius and the loose blade and takes a swing. Hokius barely avoids it by rolling out of the way.

[Raven Hawk]

Hokius finds himself only feet from the chainsaw. He decides to go for it! DeToxusRoxus swings at his retreating foe and barely hits Hokius in the back with a heavy swing. A small wound is opened. Hokius barely seems to notice. Hokius gives a tug on the chainsaw starter and the motor starts purring. DeToxusRoxus takes the moment to swing his longsword at Hokius, but to no avail. Hokius takes a horizontal swing with the chainsaw. DeToxusRoxus easily blocks.

[Raven Hawk]

Hokius attempts to bait DeToxusRoxus into swinging high by opening his defense, but DeToxusRoxus is wary enough not to take the bait and checks his swing. With a sly grin, Hokius jabs the tip of the chainsaw toward DeToxusRoxus. DeToxusRoxus parries it wide of his body and closes the gap, punching at Hokius with the hilt of his sword. His hilt lands, but with little force. Hokius twists and tries to bring his chainsaw toward DeToxusRoxus' midsection.

[Raven Hawk]

With DeToxusRoxus' weapon high, Hokius carves deep into DeToxusRoxus' flesh. DeToxusRoxus does what he can to pull away from the chainsaw, But the pain is too great. Instead, he changes grip and attempts to stab the length of the sword through Hokius. The pain is still too great and DeToxusRoxus drops his sword. Hokius continues carving the chainsaw into DeToxusRoxus. DeToxusRoxus goes limp. Hokius continues the cut and soon DeToxusRoxus is half the man he once was.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

DeToxusRoxus' torso falls to the ground and splashes in a puddle of his own blood, he waist and legs topple over after it. Hokius Maximus raises the chainsaw to the sky and gives it a couple of revs. Splattered with blood, Hokius looks like at maniacal butcher proudly staring down at his work.

Hokius Maximus is now Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. His wounds are superficial, so he won't miss any time if he doesn't want to. Raven Hawk receives the $12,000 purse and offers to teach Hokius a weapon style of his choice.

[Raven Hawk]

Next up on the card will be Coffee Warlord vs. Qwikshot in a buck nekked extravaganza.

[Raven Hawk]

Coffee Warlord (Rank 1, Bloodhaus) vs. Qwikshot (Rank 1, The House of Four Fingers)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Warhammer, Knife, Spiked Club, Machete

As the men enter the Thunderdome, both men greedily eye the machete. Each man knows that the machete is the key match. Qwikshot is proficient with it, Coffee Warlord is not. However, Coffee Warlord will have to get control of it to have any chance in the fight. Walking around the ring, buck naked as the day he was born, Coffee Warlord hopes that Qwikshot has a severe phobia of male organs. The host steps up to the microphone and the fighters walk to their corners . . . "BEGIN!" The two men make a mad dash for the machete . . .

[Raven Hawk]

You'd think Coffee Warlord had an afterburner installed in his ass as he comes roaring out of the corner and gets to the machete first. It must have been because he wasn't burdened down with a sweat soaked loin cloth. Coffee Warlord picks the weapon up and swings hard at Qwikshot who aborted his route in favor of the spiked club. Qwikshot is able to evade, but that spiked club isn't close enough for his liking. Coffee Warlord swings again . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Qwikshot is able to squirm away from the blade and get to the spiked club. Coffee Warlord tries to get in another shot before Qwikshot can bring the spiked club up in defense. Coffee Warlord connects, but Qwikshot manages a partial block, leaving him with a small laceration on his forearm. Qwikshot retaliates, but can't penetrate Coffee Warlord's defense.

[Raven Hawk]

Still with the upper hand, Coffee Warlord swings toward Qwikshot's collarbone. Qwikshot grabs the shaft of the spiked club with both hands raising it to meet the machete and partially blocks again. The machete blade trails off the shaft of the club and opens a small wound on Qwikshot's chest. Qwikshot sends a shot in at Coffee Warlord, but Qwikshot is distracted by the sight of Coffee Warlord's twig and berries. His shot goes wide. Coffee Warlord returns the blow with an overhead shot. Strangely Qwikshot steps into the blow . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Qwikshot raises his weapon to block the machete high and hits Coffee Warlord's wrist with the shaft of his weapon, halting the motion of the wrist but not the machete. The machete continues on its path, flying over Qwikshot's left shoulder. Qwikshot quickly changes his grip and attemps to return the overhead blow. Coffee Warlord raises his hands and is able block the swing high. Both men now have a hand on Qwikshot's spiked club . . . oh my!

[Raven Hawk]

Qwikshot pulls away and manages to regain control of the spiked club. Meanwhile, Coffee Warlord looks around for another weapon. Much to Qwikshot's chagrin, Coffee Warlord is standing two feet away from the warhammer. Coffee Warlord grabs for it. Enjoying the fact that Coffee Warlord is weaponless, Qwikshot swings at Coffee Warlord's grabby hands . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Qwikshot connects! With the Warhammer, not Coffee Warlord's hands, resulting in the destruction of both weapons. Both men stare at each other in disbelief, then as if on cue, they both turn their heads toward the machete which is only 10 feet away, lying on the ground. Qwikshot breaks for it!

[Raven Hawk]

Coffee Warlord will have none of that and tackles Qwikshot to the ground. A pummelling match ensues. Qwikshot misses with a hammer punch, and blocks an incoming elbow from Coffee Warlord. Qwikshot, lying on his back with Coffee Warlord on top of him, reaches up to grab Coffee Warlord behind the neck and pulls Coffee Warlord's head toward's his own. The resulting headbutt breaks Coffee Warlord's nose and Qwikshot squirms free to pursue the machete.

[Raven Hawk]

Things have gone from bad to worse for Coffee Warlord as his vision is blurred and he can't make out Qwikshot well enough to grab him. Qwikshot makes it over to the machete and picks it up. Using the only tactic he can think of, Coffee Warlord takes off in the other direction waiting for his vision to clear. Qwikshot sprints after him, machete in hand.

[Raven Hawk]

Coffee Warlord's vision has officially cleared up in time for him to see a machete swinging at his head. Coffee Warlord ducks and sticks his left arm out in sacrifice to slow the blow. The machete does its business on Coffee Warlord's left arm cleaving the skin and breaking the bone. Coffee Warlord's left arm is dangling by a thread of skin, severed two inches below the elbow. Oh, the humanity! Coffee Warlord sinks back into the corner of the stadium and waits for death to come . . . and Qwikshot delivers it in the form of decapitation. Coffee Warlord has exited this world the same way he came in: buck naked.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Qwikshot has promoted to Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. Four Fingered Flynn collects the $12,000 purse. Qwikshot, barely wounded will be clear to fight again at his own leisure. Flynn trains Qwikshot how to better defend himself from naked male aggressors.

[Raven Hawk]

Next up on the card: JAGus "mAd" MAXimus vs. The Hunter

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus "Mad" MAXimus (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. The Hunter (Rank 1, The House of Four Fingers)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Rapier, Spiked Club, Longsword, Chainsaw

Outside the arena in the paddocks, wealthy nobles look at the two fighters as they are walked back and forth on a platform. People are taking dubious notes on programs as they turn and walk to the betting window. One man wrote down: "JAGus - good form, The Hunter - Brute. Bet The Hunter and pray there is no chainsaw in the ring." JAGus is lead into the ring first and sneers as he spots a piece of good luck for him. A chainsaw. The Hunter, having studied his prey, also spots the chainsaw and knows it will be the main point of contention. The honorary host for this match is: Woody Harrelson. Woody steps up to the mic as the men make their way back to their corners. "Begin!" Both men break for the chainsaw.

[Raven Hawk]

The Hunter trips over his own feet and splays himself at the foot of JAGus. JAGus picks up the chainsaw and gives the starter cord a tug. The sound is music to his ears. JAGus can't believe his luck. A chainsaw in one hand and an opponent layed out at his feet. JAGus revs the chainsaw and drops the blade toward The Hunter's head . . .

[Raven Hawk]

The Hunter quickly rolls out of the way of the chainsaw blade, but is still weaponless. He spots a longsword not too far away and attempts to get to his feet. JAGus, takes a quick mental note to aim for the torso, or put a foot on top of a felled opponent before swinging. After his brief reflection he swings the chainsaw down on The Hunter, but stops the swing mid swing and punches it in toward The Hunter's torso. The Hunter is wise to the attack, regains his feet and heads toward the longsword.

[Raven Hawk]

JAGus swings again at the running brute, but the The Hunter is too swift. The Hunter reaches the longsword and grabs for the handle. In tow, JAGus follows with another swing as The Hunter attempts to bring the sword to a ready position. The Hunter fumbles the sword for a moment and can't get it readied. JAGus can't capitalize as The Hunter's swift moves allow him to dodge. JAGus takes another swing, this time from the side attempting to nullify The Hunter's grace . . .

[Raven Hawk]

And lands a heavy blow in the hunter's side. Ribs crack and blood flows The Hunter grabs for his chest to ease the pain. The smile on JAGus' face is too much for The Hunter to take. He grits his teeth and stabs with the longsword. JAGus wasn't quite expecting a thrust to the stomach and The Hunter lands his first hit. The blade goes in deep and is covered in blood when The Hunter pulls it out.

[Raven Hawk]

Both men fall to one knee clutching at their wounds. JAGus takes a deep breath and throws a wild swing with the chainsaw, barely missing The Hunter's arm. The Hunter returns a blow, but JAGus uses his proficiency with the chainsaw to block the blow. This block leads right into a trained combinatio nfor JAGus and he becomes the aggressor.

[Raven Hawk]

RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! Three hits in succession. The Hunter manages to partially block the first hit, but the second hit scores a slash his left shouler and the third hit scores a deep cut on his right shoulder breaking the collarbone and loging deep into his body. He drops his sword and the motion of his fall rips the chainsaw out of JAGus' hand. The Hunter lies prone with an idling chainsaw sticking out of his right shoulder. JAGus picks up the longsword with a reverse grip . . .

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

JAGus' plunges the sword deep into The Hunter's heart and slays him.

JAGus "mAd" MAXimus has achieved Rank 2 and gained 1 prestige point. Pain Unlimited scores its first win and Torbjorn collects the $12,000 purse. JAGus will be out with an abdominal injury for two weeks and won't be able to fight until 12/21, without penalty. Torbjorn will refine a fighting technique of JAGus' choice (Normal, Defensive, Aggressive, Misdirection)

[Raven Hawk]

Next fight on the card: Jeeberus Dee vs. MC²

[Raven Hawk]

Jeeberus Dee (Rank 1, House Corax) vs. MC² (Rank 1, The House of Four Fingers)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Spear, Chains, Axe, Spiked Club

Jeeberus Dee walks out onto the paddocks and all you can hear are guffaws and laughter. "Good luck, wimp!" and other not so pleasant calls can be heard from the gallery. When MC² walks out, oohs and aahs passover the crowd and people head directly for the betting windows. The men are led to the arena and Jeeberus Dee's heart sinks a little when he sees an axe in the ring and no machete. The host takes the microphone and calls out the start, "BEGIN!" Both men race hard at the axe . . .

[Raven Hawk]

Stunningly, Jeeberus gets to the axe first and fast enough (he isn't carrying around all that excess muscle) that he catches MC² by surprise with an opening attack. The axe hisses as it cuts through the air. Luckily, MC² is able to maneuver out of the way and the axe grazes his right thigh. Still in a predicament, MC² reaches for the spiked club which was conveniently placed next to the axe. MC² picks up the spiked club and readies himself in a defensive positon.

[Raven Hawk]

Jeeberus strikes down at an angle with the axe, and grazes the skin of his opponent on his left arm. More superficial damage. Jeeberus seems to be out of nickels and dimes and is trying to penny MC² to death. MC² retaliates with a hard strike to the Jeeberus' left side. MC² crushes Jeeberus' left arm into the side of his body and pins it there with the spikes on the club.

[Raven Hawk]

Jeeberus loses control of the axe and it falls to the ground. Jeeberus coughs up a little blood then drops to his knees, spitting blood as he kneels before MC². The spikes punctured through Jeeberus' arm and into his lungs. MC² leaves the club head stuck in his opponent and bends over to pick up the axe.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

In moments it is over and Jeeberus' headless corpse collapses to the ground. MC² throws the axe to the ground and exits the arena having barely broken a sweat.

MC² is promoted to Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. Four Fingered Flynn collects the $12,000 purse and will teach MC² how to better defend himself for his next match. MC² sustained no meaningful injuries and can fight next week.

[Raven Hawk]

Next Figth on the Card: Split Peon the First vs. HellAntic

[Raven Hawk]

Split Peon the First (Rank 1, Bloodhaus) vs. HellAntic (Rank 1, The House of our Fingers)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Spiked Club, Machete, Warhammer, Warhammer

Walking to the paddocks, an astute observer will note that Split Peon is in slightly better form than HellAntic. However, the advantage will quickly shift if HellAntic can get his hands on that machete. Both men head to their corners and the host calls for the match to start. "BEGIN!" Both men dart for the machete.

[Raven Hawk]

And Split Peon gets there first. Taking up the weapon, he holds it ready to strike as HellAntic heads for the spiked club. Split Peon swings at the running HellAntic and misses, but forces HellAntic back towards a warhammer by cutting off HellAntic's angle to the spiked club. Split Peon strikes again grazing HellAntic's shoulder. HellAntic makes it over to one of the warhammers.

[Raven Hawk]

Split Peon is going to get another shot in before HellAntic can pick up the warhammer. He swings low and nicks the dodging HellAntic's leg. Another scratch. Both men are winding up for heavy swings. But it is HellAntic who brings the hammer down first. HellAntic's blow falls on Split Peon's left shoulder and disrupts his swing. Split Peon feels his left arm go numb.

[Raven Hawk]

Split Peon rages and swings wildly at HellAntic, but HellAntic is well prepared and turns Split Peon's rage into his own opportunity. Ducking low to avoid Split Peons cut, HellAntic catches Split Peon's foot in the crook of his hammer and pulls. Split Peon goes down hard on his bad arm and winces.

[Raven Hawk]

Split Peon, rolls over and regains his feet. But, HellAntic is waiting with another heavy swing. Another desperate maneuver from Split Peon allows him to duck the hammer, tuck and roll, ending up in a standing postion right behind HellAntic. HellAntic is baffled and spins on his heel, but Split Peon turns with HellAntic to stay on his back and swing the machete.

[Raven Hawk]

He connects, but once again is only able to open a small cut on HellAntics back. HellAntic, quickly spins the other way with the force of his hammer to try to catch Split Peon on the other side. Instead, he trips over his own feet and goes to the ground. Split Peon swings at the prone HellAntic . . .

[JeeberD]

Son of a bitch!

[Raven Hawk]

But HellAntic is able to block with the shaft of his hammer and roll out of the way. Split Peon throws a shot at HellAntic's exposed legs. Mid-swing he switches his target to HellAntic's arm, but can't connect. But his ploy worked as HellAntic shifted his hammer down to block a shot at his legs. Now his head and torso are exposed! Split Peon attacks aggressively!

[Raven Hawk]

And he lands a mighty blow to HellAntic's chest. The machete carves deep into HellAntic's ribs and lungs. I think he got a fatal shot to the spleen!

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

HellAntic fights through the pain and the choking on his own blood, using the warhammer to support his weight. He bows his head down in submission to Split Peon and allows Split Peon to lineup his shot. Moments later, HellAntic's head rolls to the ground.

Split Peon the First is now Rank 2 and has earned 1 prestige point. Demetrius Cavish comes to collect the $12,000 purse. After a physical examination, it is ruled that Split Peon will need 2 weeks of rest to fully heal his smashed shoulder (12/16 next possible fight without penalties). In addition, Demetrius presents Split Peon with a piece of shoulder armor, making light of how it is "better late than never."

[Raven Hawk]

Next Match: The Chief vs. Sinister Vibes

[Raven Hawk]

The Chief (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Sinister Vibes (Rank 1, Bloodhaus)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Axe, Claymore, Warhammer, Rapier

The main event features The Chief vs. Sinister Vibes. Both men are in superb shape, with neither showing a heavy advantage. There is rumor that Demetrius Cavish has bribed officials into placing an axe in the ring and ensuring that there would be no chainsaw. These, by all means, are rumors and we wouldn't want to spread them. The odds are set straight up on the two opponents. When they enter the ring, a coy smile tells you that Sinister Vibes is happy with the weapon selection. The Chief is unmoved, showing no emotion whatsoever. Woody Harrelson comes back out to start the fight. "BEGIN!" Both men dash toward the axe.

[Raven Hawk]

The Chief gets to the axe and Sinister changes direction to grab the claymore. Now it is The Chief that is grinning as he picks up the axe and pokes the barbed head at his opponent. The strike misses and Sinister reaches the Claymore. Sinister picks up the claymore and readies it to fight. The Chief follows Sinister into the corner cautiously and strikes at an opportune time. The axe opens a good sized cut on Sinister's chest. Sinister winces slightly, but takes the hit.

[Raven Hawk]

The Chief, still with the upper hand, doubles back on his swing and tries to open another chest wound. His strike finds its way through Sinister's defense, but only succeeds in aggravating the first wound slightly. Sinister retaliates with the heavy claymore, and opens a small wound on The Chief's right arm.

[Raven Hawk]

The two opponents just stand face to face and exchange blows. These two fighters don't know much about maneuvering. The Chief swings again, hitting. He finds a hole in Sinister's defense, opening another cut on Sinister's chest. This one big enough to drop Sinister to his knees in pain.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Sinister drops the claymore and clutches his chest. The Chief lines up his shot with Sinisters neck and swings. Sinister ducks and avoids the blow!

[Raven Hawk]

This maneuver only succeeds in pissing off The Chief, as he buries buries the axe in Sinister's chest to end the fight. Sinister's Vibes have expired. The Chief points up to Demetrius Cavish's box holding up the axe and yells, "Thanks, Prick!"

The Chief moves to Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. Torbjorg picks up the $12,000 purse and offers to train The Chief further in one of the fighting styles: Aggressive, Defensive, Misdirection, and Normal.

[Raven Hawk]

Next Match: Gauis Julius Vincius vs. Fattoe the Smashifier