USA at 2030 World Cup

[Portiere]

In honor of the World Cup, I am writing a quick dynasty about my efforts as the US manager at the 2030 World Cup in Spain. Hopefully this quick version will go well as most of my efforts end up finishing quickly. In honor of some of my favorite posters, I'll try to work them in to the banter. FM 18, all fake players (though it is 2030)

[Portiere]

Manager Rico Portiere didn’t really care how the press would react after his cuts. He had already made the hard phone calls, to Jack Meeks, a 32 year-old winger with 132 caps for the US but who had never been the same after a series of injuries in his late 20s, and to Bryan Villa, a winger with Lille who was the last player cut after the regular 2^nd choice recovered from injury. Some members of the media called leaving Meeks home Landon Donovan 2.0. Donovan himself tweeted "@jurgen, I mean, Portiere..." But Rico had seen Jack not get things done for the National Team, and his poor club form meant another option would be better. Some journalists also ripped the composition of his team, with an average age of 28, as a old team that would be undone by the pace of tournament play, and a team of naturalized players that had more born in South America than in the US. Expectations from the supports were lofty, perhaps too lofty. The board expected the US to “attempt to be competitive.” But after an unlikely third place finish in the Confederation Cup, defeating hosts Spain, (admittedly, with a 5-0 beat-down from Portugal and 25-1-2 record over the previous 2 years, the pitch in the US was only slightly less than the “football’s coming home” chants from the English supporters. Portiere turned to his longtime Spanish assistant Francisco Javier Neira, who had been with him since the beginning after a long career at NYFC. “? Podemos, Javi?” Rico asked. The US supporters wanted to know, too. Secretly, Portiere’s goal had the cup coming to DC.

[Portiere]

Fans: Portiere is Worthless, We Want a Better Manager

The Soccer Times

FOFC supporters group Yankee Doodle Golazo bitterly complained about USMNT manager Ricardo Portiere, arguing that a number of other managers would be better fits for the side.

“Portiere is uncommitted. Usually he starts things and doesn’t finish. And he has a reputation for calm and boring press conferences. Plus, while he has dominated MLS with LAFC, he has never won anything big, like the Club World Cup.”

Supporters were divided with what manager they preferred. Some called for the sensational Izlude Jestor, after cell phone footage of an explosive half time rant went viral—Jestor, they said, could really motivate the US slide. Others called for a European manager—perhaps Max Surubaru, after his impressive work in Romania. But the US federation called rumors that Portiere would be sacked before the tournament as “about as likely as life on Mars.” The supporters group has apparently taken up a pledge to increase funds for NASA.

[Portiere]

“Welcome to our 2030 World Cup coverage. This is Jen Jones, live from Madrid. Breaking down the US team for us today is Theodore Figueria, who had 102 caps for the US, and Mike Knight, who also appeared twice for the US, and currently coaches Montreal Impact. Theo, over to you”

“Thanks Jen. I’ll start by introducing the US forwards. Leading the line for the US is clearly Mauricio Murillo. Tottenham Hotspur’s 50 million man, I have to admit he’s a better striker than I ever was. One of the few US players good enough to get into most squads in this cup. I bet Colombia wishes they didn’t let him get away.”

“Yeah, Theo, but he is part of Portiere’s disastrous program of naturalization. So un-American…”

“Says the Yankee coaching in Canada because no team in US would take him after he kept getting sacked. Anyways, back to the strikers. Cristian Sangói, Brazilian-born and playing for Portiere at LAFC, is the clear #2. As an Advanced forward, he will play off Murillo when the US goes with 2 strikers. Rounding out the corps is target man Edson López, who I played with over the course of my US career, an imposing target man who is still skillful, who plays his club ball for KRC Genk, and New England’s Iván Vergara, naturalized days before the roster was announced. A strong group of strikers, but perhaps not the US’s biggest threat.”

“That’s true, Theo. Too often the US is the George Cobián show. He’s the only world star for the US, a New Jersey kid made good at Chelsea. From AML, he’s the hub of the offence. A great player, but Portiere relies way too much on him. The rest of the midfield I don’t have much good to say about. Instead of Jack Meeks, Portiere brought Melino Fajardo from the Columbus Crew. A mediocre player instead of a legend. On the other wing, Porteire left home Bryan Villa, instead taking Maicol Blanco, who plays for Bournemouth, and Houston’s Corrado Godio, just back from injury. Again, taking the guy Portiere knows over the better player in my book. And in the middle, he dropped long term vets to bring in more players I don’t rate. Its true that Newcastle’s Aurélio is a solid playmaker who makes everyone on the team better, and I suppose New York’s Diego Caicedo is a decent enough central midfielder. David Moreno at A-Mid was sold to Trabzonspor after he failed at West Brom. He’s ok but won’t light the world on fire. But Jhon Valencia from Colorado?? Please. I wouldn’t take him on a free. And LA Galaxy’s Daniel Dionisi is just like Portiere, an overrated punk who goes in too hard for tackles.”

“Well, Mike, maybe you’re just mad he doesn’t rate Montreal. Perhaps he should break FIFA rules by calling up Canadians, since you don’t have any Americans in your starting line up. And Daniel Dionisi won an MLS Cup before you were the LA manager, but couldn’t win won when you were the coach at LA Galaxy…At any rate, the back-line. A strong group: Chelsea’s Luigi Giosa is the first choice right back, Everton’s Francisco Torres provides cover there and in the middle. At CB, West Ham’s Cássio, Leicester’s Andrew Rollins, and Tottenham’s Miguel Romero will rotate. At LB, Southampton’s Jânio is the clear #1, with recent debutant Lorenzo Nannini providing cover and also service as a backup CB. With Giosa also able to play LB and the rest of the US backs not impressing, Portiere opted to have only one attacking back, with Nannini a strictly defensive full back.

In goal Burnley’s Juan Manuel Aimar is presumably the starter, with newly naturalized Claudio Navarra challenging him, slated to get his first cap in the US’s send off match against Georgia, and Didier Mosquera, from FC Dallas, rounding out the squad.”

“So, ultimately we have no cover at left back, and Portiere left Mike Happer, who has 46 caps, home to take a useless 4th midfielder. We have only three players born in the US on the roster, importing players, but the quality is not what it needs to be. We have only one match in preparation because of “fitness” concerns. A lot of the US players in the Premiere League sit the bench—Giosa has only played 7 times for Chelsea. I think the US are going out in the first round and Portiere will be sacked.”

“This is balanced team, with everyone but Sangói between 27-30. Its experienced and skillful, and Portiere’s 4-2-1-3-1 is hard to break down, while the 4-2-2-2 is a strong attacking formation. And please, Mike Happer plays in Greece! The US have a favorable draw, with Qatar, Senegal and Spain. We have only lost twice in the last two years—take that Mexico! We crushed Spain in the confd, so I’m predicting the US to win the group and make the quarterfinals. And I bet you get sacked before he does!”

[an on-air scuffle cuts the broadcast short]

[Portiere]

Chester PA

Rico Portiere’s only reservation after the US’ 2-0 win over Georgia, ranked 29 in the world but missing out on the World Cup after finishing second in its qualifying group, was the number of goals. Lining up in a 4-2-2-2, with two center midfielders supporting two attacking wingers and 2 strikers, the US generated 19 shots, including 9 on target, while limiting Georgia to only 4 shots, with 1 on target. But some bad finishing meant that the US settled for a goal in the 47th minute by Murillo and the 50th by Cobián. Three players, Vergara, Nannini, and GK Navarra, received first caps. No injuries. The US would be ready to go, but the first match against Spain would say a lot about hopes to progress.