Challenging yourself vs knowing your role

[Fidatelo]

As I get older I think I am becoming more self-aware. One of the things I've really started to believe about myself is that I am not a leader, but that I can be a very good number 2 or 3 in many different situations.

A part of me wonders if this is a limiting train of thought, and that perhaps I should be challenging myself to be better than that. But the 'realistic' side of me points to sports as an analogy, and the myriad examples of players that are great fits as complimentary or role players but then throw it away to take big contracts to be 'the man' on another team, only to fall on their face.

So when is it ok to simply accept that you are what you are? Ever? Or is it better to take your shot and risk pulling a Martin Lapointe or Peerless Price?

[jeff061]

Whatever makes you happy. Different answer for different people.

[MikeVic]

I don't really know, but so far I haven't done anything that I didn't feel comfortable doing. I think I'm also not someone that could lead a developer team, for instance, but maybe could lead a team of something else in some sort of activity.

[BrianD]

Simple answer: Follow your happiness. If you define yourself by title, position, or money, take a shot and see what you can do. If you define yourself by family relationships, comfort, and stability, accept a complimentary role and focus on the things that really matter.

People are often praised for their potential and told that they have to keep moving up the corporate ladder to be successful. I think this is wrong thinking. If the challenge of moving up the ladder is what drives you, then go ahead and do it. If something else drives you, focus on that instead. There is nothing wrong with finding an 8-5 that you are happy with and that allows you to support your family...and then staying there for the next 30 years.

[Barkeep49]

I don't think you've framed it in the right way. I think there are plenty of ways people in white collar jobs can challenge themselves and push themselves to improve without it having to be in a #1 leadership role.

[Lorena]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

As I get older I think I am becoming more self-aware. One of the things I've really started to believe about myself is that I am not a leader, but that I can be a very good number 2 or 3 in many different situations.

A part of me wonders if this is a limiting train of thought, and that perhaps I should be challenging myself to be better than that. But the 'realistic' side of me points to sports as an analogy, and the myriad examples of players that are great fits as complimentary or role players but then throw it away to take big contracts to be 'the man' on another team, only to fall on their face.

So when is it ok to simply accept that you are what you are? Ever? Or is it better to take your shot and risk pulling a Martin Lapointe or Peerless Price?

I don't think you're limiting yourself at all. A good leader needs good, committed "followers" otherwise they're not very good.

[gstelmack]

I don't think I'm a very good leader. I'm still doing it, though. Part of it is knowing your strengths and weaknesses as a leader, taking advantage of your strengths, and delegating your weaknesses.

[TroyF]

Originally Posted by Barkeep49

I don't think you've framed it in the right way. I think there are plenty of ways people in white collar jobs can challenge themselves and push themselves to improve without it having to be in a #1 leadership role.

What he said. You can continually strive to better yourself without getting a promotion or leading a team. Some people are happy as heck to be a #2 or #3 guy on a team, not take any of the credit for the success or all of the blame for a failure. That doesn't mean those people don't try to become better at what they do.

[Fidatelo]

I was sort of curious to see if the other side of the coin would present itself after work hours, looks like that might not be the case.

Although I think I presented this poorly (or maybe not, not sure). I know it's ok to not want to lead, but I'm just wondering at what point you are just not pushing yourself enough to be more. Maybe I'm over thinking this?

[SFL Cat]

I'm the straw that stirs the drink.

[Young Drachma]

I think this is a good question. I struggle with it a lot.

I think sometimes, it can be really easy to assume that you're already at a point where you can't go any higher. To tell yourself that you're not really going to be able to hack it at the higher rung.

When you have those doubts or feel like "I'm good in this secondary role," I would ask myself why you felt that way or what specific challenges you felt impeded you from being the 'star' or the 'leader' or whatever have you.

Because at the end of the day, the leader isn't always the person who is out in front waving their arms up and letting everyone know they are in charge. The leader isn't even the person who jumps forward and volunteers to lead a particular project or something.

A leader is one who 1) gets the job done right and 2) who can galvanize others into action and 3) can empower others to lead, to feel useful and to get the best out of them.

To go back to sports, think of the players who aren't the best guy on the team, but who get respect in the locker room and who are considered leaders for their knowledge, their intellect, their preparation and their strength. Teams don't win because of one person or one leader. They win with the right blend and combination of those talents in the right circumstances at the right time.

By even broaching the question, it's clear to me that you must see within yourself things that you can either do better or are already doing that can vault you into a role where you can make more of an impact in your job or allow you to do what you do even better to some degree.

I think that 'falling on your face' isn't really something to get so caught up in that it impedes you from stepping out of yourself a bit to try on something that might not initially feel all that comfortable. I say that because, at the end of the day, you'll learn more about yourself -- and those around you -- by doing that sometimes.

There will be times when you go about it and it hits not quite the way you want, but leadership is also exercise in judgment and having the strength of conviction to say stuff that others might say, to do things others might not do and yes, the courage to take the heat for it or to stand up for what you think is the right thing to do.

It's obviously a judgment call, dependent on the circumstances and all, but I think there is never really a reason not to consider raising the bar for yourself most especially when you feel 'comfortable' in a particular role or spot within a team.

That's what I came up with.

[Fidatelo]

Wow DarkCloud, that's an impressive post. I'm not exactly sure how to properly respond. Here's an attempt:

I think you hit on some things that might explain why I don't feel moving up is necessarily the right direction at this time. I think I still have a lot of room to improve in the role that I currently play, so I guess there is 'lateral growth potential' (sounds like a phrase people would use on a draft pick: "he's got decent upside and a large amount of lateral growth potential!").

I guess because I'm very lazy at heart I struggle with this stuff. As asinine (and kind of sad) as this sounds, I rarely actually give 100%. I seem to get by ok and a large part of me says "see? why try so had when you can coast and be fine", but the other part of me says "stop being lazy, you loafer!".

So when something comes along where I know it will be a challenge, my gut is always to avoid it, but I try to make myself rise to it instead. However, there are legitimate times where certain challenges just aren't right for a person, so I struggle to know when I am just being lazy versus when I am doing what is right for me.

In my career so far I've identified myself reaching 'stagnation' a couple of times. That's the phase where you are far too comfortable and not growing. I didn't necessarily know it at the time, but I think I felt it, and afterwards it was easy to see. I think now, having been through it a couple times, I would be able to recognize and act on it, and I don't feel I've currently stangated. Or maybe I'm not as self-aware as I think, and I'll look back on this period in a few years and say "you dumb-ass, you got comfortable and lazy again".

Hmm, this is meandering. I'm interested in seeing how many other people deal with these sorts of issues. I would imagine that real go-getters don't often concern themselves with these things (they are always taking on new challenges by nature), and that the truly lazy/complacent also don't worry about it for the obvious reasons. But I'm guessing that there are a lot of other text-sim-forum-surfing 'tweeners' like myself (and apparently DarkCloud) that may have some interesting perspectives or thoughts on the issue.

[Chief Rum]

Not much to add except that I have always viewed myself as imperfect, but I also believe there is no ceiling for me. As a result, I never stop trying to improve.

[SteveMax58]

Originally Posted by Fidatelo

So when is it ok to simply accept that you are what you are? Ever? Or is it better to take your shot and risk pulling a Martin Lapointe or Peerless Price?

I agree with much of the previous posts (namely from BrianD & Dark Cloud), but I think this can be best answered by asking a few questions and answering them as thoughtfully & honestly as possible:

1) What do you value MOST? As in, how do you truly define yourself to others?
Most people(namely with kids) say "I am a parent first, then a wannabe [INSERT HOBBY(s)], then a [INSERT CAREER]"(and many have 2 & 3 reversed). And while many people really define & value themselves in that order, many truly do not and struggle with knowing what is MOST important to them. If you are fortunate enough to be able to put those 3 in the correct order for YOU, then pursue the career level that enables that, and let that be your driving force.

For example...I have 2 kids and it is very important to me that I see them every day(i.e. no extended travel), but it is equally important for me to be challenged in my work. Challenge isnt something I would term as WANT...I would term it as NEED. I know that I must solve complex problems that most cannot(or will not commit to solving) in order to feel rewarded. I do not require the credit, glory, or major recognition from many others, and in fact sometimes feel uncomfortable with that as it tends to force higher expectations and demands of myself, by me. So in order to counteract that, I am fine with being recognized by people I deem as important, to know what I contribute...but not so much from the "non-technical" execs who are not overly involved.

2) What commitment level(i.e. how many steps up the corporate ladder) does it take to achieve your ideal balance, given your current career path?
For example...I would say that many people I have in the past and currently work with might call me "ambitious", "commited", and "motivated to move up the ladder". But truthfully, I have a goal of what type of position & work/life balance works for me, at this stage of my life, and it does NOT include being an executive-level person as I know what comes with that type of role in my industry(I know some execs very well and have a good sense of the type of baggage associated, and note my use of the word "baggage" as a descriptor is very telling of my opinion of it) and I realize it is not for me at this stage of my life.

3) Have you properly positioned your lifestyle to account for this balance?

To counteract the level of uncertainty in my pursuit of my ideal role, I purposely do not over-indulge my lifestyle with expenses that I cannot easily afford, as this could be a major hinderance to me should my current role/position change suddenly for the worse. I also work my a$$ off to ensure I am regarded as a foremost expert in as many subjects as possible...again, just to ensure that I can choose and/or control my own career-level to the extent that I can.

There are certainly plenty of more- and less-driven people in the world than myself, but I just try to position myself as best I can...for the purposes that I can.

[Young Drachma]

I guess because I'm very lazy at heart I struggle with this stuff. As asinine (and kind of sad) as this sounds, I rarely actually give 100%. I seem to get by ok and a large part of me says "see? why try so had when you can coast and be fine", but the other part of me says "stop being lazy, you loafer!".

Well see, here's the thing about "giving 100% percent." The idea of work smarter, not harder is employed here and in every situation. If I can kill a duck and play PSP at the same time, I'll do that. Means I get to eat and get to do something I enjoy too. Given that being able to do that is unlikely, I'll focus on what's more important at that time. But is it important if I don't do something perfectly and still accomplish the task at hand? No. The goal is to accomplish the task at hand, being sloppy or having to go back and fix it because you messed it up is one thing. If you're not being thorough, then that's a problem.

But the idea of "pouring your heart and soul into everything" you do is a bit overrated. I mean, you can ALWAYS give more. Sometimes, you're not going to have 100% to give for one reason or another. Tiger Woods is more astounding when he's scrambling to win a tourney than when he plays flawlessly and wins. It's part of what makes good people great, I think.

So when something comes along where I know it will be a challenge, my gut is always to avoid it, but I try to make myself rise to it instead. However, there are legitimate times where certain challenges just aren't right for a person, so I struggle to know when I am just being lazy versus when I am doing what is right for me.

The fact that your gut is to avoid it, but that you go for it anyway signals to me that you're in the right mindset. You're always going to have doubts. Always. And there are always going to opportunities or situations you pass on, because they don't feel right, even if they "aren't that big a deal" or even if people encourage you to "try it, you never know if you might like it" or something. I think that there isn't a hard and fast rule, but it really relies on how you see yourself, where you see yourself going and what your goals are going forward.

Here's a bad example. When I was in the Air Force, I came in with a guaranteed job that's really hard to get. I wasn't all that impressed with myself at the time, but people constantly told me how hard the job was to get, how if you didn't want to do it, you could voluntarily drop out of the career field because it's just that hard to get into and they didn't want people in it who didn't want to be there.

Well I'd decided before the first day of class I didn't want to do it. I wanted a job that would let me go to school and work, so in four years I could get out. That was my plan. It was foolhardy and the job I ended up with subsequently was awful. I made the best of it, succeeded and even still had some stumbles and distractions along the way that have fundamentally altered my life subsequently.

Had I not done that back then, I would not have been true to myself. I might have decided I liked the military and have stayed. More likely, I'd have been spending a ton of time on a plane. But who knows. I might have learned a lot about myself through the experience and gained more than I did following the other path I ended up taking. In retrospect, it might have been EASIER than the path I took since the road I took by bailing out of the career path and not knowing what was next was the HARDER road. It was setup for me and I intentionally changed it, because I knew I wanted a bigger picture that wasn't quite there yet -- and wouldn't be -- for many years later.

In the end, I've had a bevy of experiences I'll never forget and who have helped shaped me to become who I am today.

I guess the point is, knowing your goals can help you shape your path to be where you want to be...even if where you want to be is so far away that you might have no business planning for it to begin with. In my case, keeping the conviction I had for what I wanted to do would've served me better, rather than getting distracted or influenced by the lives or decisions of others at later points in the game of life.

It's all a matter of self-evaluation and constant desire to improve, I think.

In my career so far I've identified myself reaching 'stagnation' a couple of times. That's the phase where you are far too comfortable and not growing. I didn't necessarily know it at the time, but I think I felt it, and afterwards it was easy to see. I think now, having been through it a couple times, I would be able to recognize and act on it, and I don't feel I've currently stagnated. Or maybe I'm not as self-aware as I think, and I'll look back on this period in a few years and say "you dumb-ass, you got comfortable and lazy again".

Introspection can be helpful and crippling at the same time. Because when you look back, you're always trying to find ways to parallel what you're doing now with stuff you've done before. That way, you can say to yourself "see, you've done this before. You can make it through now, you made it through that." Problem is, you can start to tie things together that have no business being tied together.

So in other words, if you know that 'this time' is different than what you were doing before and that you're not complacent like you used to be, then trust yourself to believe that. When you need to reevaluate things, feel free to do that. If your gut has served you well in the past, then you'll be able to trust yourself to know the right times to gamble and the right times to stand pat.

I'm in a similar situation right now. I left a comfortable job situation in a place I'd grown familiar with. Where I had friends and had carved out some semblance of a life. It was transient to me in my head though and I knew something needed to change. Just couldn't figure out how or when. When an opportunity arose that felt like a better fit, I took it despite the risks that started cropping up AFTER I took it and waited a month to transition between the old job and moving. It was nerve wrecking, but I had to trust myself to know that if I bailed on the new role -- even if no one would really fault me -- it was just a risk I had to take, because I could always go back (down, essentially) to where I was, but had to take the step up and see what it yielded.

While the job has been anything but what I anticipated, it got me motivated enough to develop a side project that I'd been preparing for years and while it's not at the point where I can jump out for freedom yet, Freedom Day looks on the horizon. It's been the ultimate goal since I embarked on the path a few years ago, but...I needed to jumpstart my vision by getting out of a complacent situation to be able to see the forest from the trees -- and in my particular case -- being able to assess in a more competitive marketplace exactly where I measure up.

I think knowing where you stand can give you some measure of where to strike from, how to position yourself in a place where you stand to gain the most and benefit.

Good luck.

[CU Tiger]

In a professional sense, the ultimate answer comes when you try to own your own business.

I was never happy defering to anyone in a corporate environment. So I sstarted my own company and it has been very rewarding. However it is also humbling, when you are taking out the trash, cleaning a nasty toilet, sweeping an entrance way you dont always feel important or even in control. Theeree is no time off, eeven on vacation, even if you ahve good people, when something goes horribly wrong, you get involved. What I have come to find is I as a person am never happy, never satisfied, never content. In some ways that sucks, but it also leads me to much success.


However the other side of the coin, is I am constantly on my self to either spend more time with family, speend more time on myself or spend more time at work. Whenever I swing to far into one area the other two start guilt tripping me.

All in all, if you are happy, and able to support yourselff and family then you are content and I wouldnt make a move. If something gnaws at you inside then you havee to sooth that burn.