Virginia Pro Wrestling (TEW 2007)

[The GIGGAS]

Sadly, today, the very first day of April, the wrestling world has lost two of its most hardcore wrestlers. Surprisingly, both members of the Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks, Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten both died due to drug-related reasons.

It isn't clear if the two deaths are related to each other, but regardless, the business is currently grieving. Many hoped that these deaths were just an April Fool's Day prank, but they have been confirmed.

VPW has issued a press release saying their next show will be called "VPW Rotten Balls - In Memorium". That show is slated for Wednesday night, at the Blacksburg High School Gym.

The only matchup released thus far is Shark Boy vs Norman Smiley for the VPW ExtremeCore Championship, but major ramifications are coming from last week, where Southern Comfort split up, Teddy Hart won the VPW Cruiserweight Championship, and Sylvester Terkay brutally attacked the Zombie after the Zombie retained the VPW World Championship by beating Elix Skipper.

[Spear]

VPW! VPW!

Teddy Hart = ratings...if you guys would get on TV. We want a recreation of the Hart Foundation!

[The GIGGAS]

VPW Rotten Balls - In Memorium
Live in front of 18 fans at the Blacksburg High School Gym

Pre-Show

Mike Snider is in his office with Skayde

Snider: Skayde, I want to lay it down for you. I want you to make me a better wrestler. My theory is, we'll wrestle every week for a while. When I beat you, I'm a great wrestler, and I can win the VPW World Championship. Since I'm your boss... you have to do this or else you're fired.

Skayde: Senor Snider, yo soy...

Snider: I'm sorry, amigo... I don't remember any Spanish from high school. I'll just assume you're agreeing with my idea. Good! The match will start as soon as we both get to the ring.

F

------

Mike Snider vs Skayde
--No Disqualification Match--

Snider's plan didn't immediately work. Due to the length of the match, Snider was absolutely exhausted by the end of it, and he heard it from the vocal fans. Skayde hit a Skayde Special #1 and pinned Snider to get the win at 10:46.

Winner: Skayde
E-

------

J.J. Dillon enters the ring

Dillon: Hello everyone! You know what's the 2nd best thing about wrestling? The ladies! We're going to have a small bikini contest tonight! First, Sable!

Sable comes down to the ring and shows everyone a hot bikini

Dillon: Thank you Sable! That'll be hard to beat! However, here's our other competitor, Amy Zidian!

Amy comes down, and shows off a tankini

Dillon: Thank you! Now, we've already gotten the results from the applause during your entrances and modeling segments... and the winner is Sable!

Sable looks pleased while Amy is upset

D+

Main Show

Mike Snider comes down to the ring

Snider: This week, all of us in the wrestling world lost two innovative and extreme wrestlers. Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney are no longer with us, but we at VPW want to give heartfelt condolences to those they leave behind.

An image is put up on the video screen, with both Rotten and Mahoney on it, with "Always Remember" underneath it

F

------

Shark Boy and Norman Smiley are both in the ring

Smiley: I want to wish you luck in our match tonight, and I want to thank you for what you did last week.

They shake hands

F

------

Mike Snider comes back down

Snider: Alright! We've got a new Cruiserweight Champion! But we don't have a #1 Contender for Teddy Hart's title, so we're going to crown one tonight! There will be a 10 man battle royal later and that man that wins will take on Hart for the Cruiserweight Championship!

F-

------

Carsh Svades vs. Dan Maff

Not much to say. Carsh pretty much toyed with Maff until he put him out of his misery by hitting the Paradigm Shift and pinning Maff at 8:57.

Winner: Carsh Svades
E

------

Carsh is celebrating in ring when Human Tornado comes down to the ring and starts attacking Carsh

Matthews: Will no one save Carsh from this brutal attack?

"Sick" Nick Mondo sprints to the ring and scares Human Tornado off

Matthews: What a rescue by Mondo!

F-

------

Eric Young is walking backstage, when Johnny Devine bumps into him

Devine: Hey Young, what the hell do you think you're doing?

Young: I was just going to get a soda!

Devine: Well you know what? I'm not going to let you get one until you apologize for assaulting me!

Young: Assaulting you? I was just walking when you slammed into me!

Devine: That's it! You better meet me in the ring later on, and I'll show you how to give me respect!

Devine walks off

Young: I hope I don't bump into anyone else. I just want a Mountain Dew!

E

------

VPW ExtremeCore Championship Match

Shark Boy vs Norman Smiley
--Hardcore Match--

This match was very fast-paced. You could tell that both competitors respected each other, as there was little hardcore action. But Norman Smiley hit the Big Wiggle and pinned Shark Boy at 5:01.

Winner and STILL VPW ExtremeCore Champion: Norman Smiley
E

------

Shark Boy and Norman Smiley shake hands after the match

F

------

Snider comes back down to the ring

Snider: I bet you guys are sick of me. But I've got great news for you! After Sylvester Terkay's horrific attack of The Zombie... I've got to put them in a match. And of course, seeing that The Zombie is our World Champion, the match will be for the Championship! That'll be later tonight!

F+

------

Human Tornado comes down to the ring

Tornado: Carsh Svades. What a stupid name. And Nick Mondo... you really are sick, if you think you can scare this cat! I'm challenging you two to a tag match! You two squares against me and a partner I get to choose! You better make your decision tonight! Peace out!

F-

------

Brian Lawler vs Carl Greco vs Dr. Greg Beals vs Human Tornado vs Icarus vs Jimmy McCoy vs Romeo Roselli vs Skayde vs Steve Madison vs The Fudgebanger
--#1 Contendership for the VPW Cruiserweight Championship Battle Royal--

This match was chaotic! All 10 men started the match in the ring. The first elimination was Jimmy McCoy, when Larry McCoy came running down to the rng and pulled him over the ring ropes. Lawler then immediately eliminated both Greco and Beals with a double clothesline. Skayde eliminated himself and Icarus with an erratic headscissors. The Fudgebanger interrupted Tornado's buildup to a move that included breakdancing, and then threw him out of the ring. That left the final 4: Lawler, Roselli, Madison, and The Fudgebanger. Elix Skipper came down to the ring and knocked the Fudgebanger out when he was inspecting his previous elimination. Roselli knocked Madison out of the ring, and immediately showed his elation. This left Lawler and Roselli alone in the ring. Roselli seemed to have Lawler close to elimination when Lawler turned the tables on him, and hit a low blow. Lawler then picked up Roselli and suplexed him out of the ring at 17:48, and becoming the new #1 Contender for Teddy Hart's Cruiserweight Championship.

Winner: Brian Lawler
E

------

Snider returns to the ring again

Snider: I promise you, this is the last time you'll see me tonight, barring any unseen changes. It occurred to me that we don't really have a legitimate #1 Contender for the Tag Titles due to what happened last week. So tonight, we're going to have a match, which will decide that. Not only that, but it will be a ladder match! The team that gets the contract at the top of the ladder will be #1 Contenders for Riggs²'s titles.

F

------

Human Tornado is standing in the ring, and Mondo and Carsh come on the screen

Mondo: You gave us a challenge, didn't you, Tornado?

Tornado nods his head and yells something unintelligible

Mondo: Well, guess what? You're getting that match. You better pick your opponent wisely. You never know when you'll be victim to a Paradigm Shift.

Carsh makes a snapping gesture to the screen

F+

------

Miracle Violence Connection vs The Heart Throbs vs Carl Greco and Ron Simmons
--#1 Contendership for the VPW Tag Team Championships Ladder Match--

Ladder chaos ruled the match. Greco laid low for a while, while everyone else brawled with each other, although he did take some offense. Late in the match, Roselli set up the ladder, with everyone else down outside the ring, except Greco who was sitting at the turnbuckle. Greco got up, went up the ladder, and flipped over Roselli, pomerbombing him. Greco then climbed up the ladder again and retrieved the contract at 18:15

Winners: Carl Greco and Ron Simmons
E-

------

After the match, Simmons grabs a microphone

Simmons: Riggs², you better get ready, cause we're coming! When we're done with you, all you'll be able to say is...

Simmons waits...

Simmons: DAMN!

F+

------

Eric Young vs Johnny Devine

In a very open match, Young and Devine locked up. For about 10 minutes, Devine had the upper hand, seemingly having the extreme advantage over Young. However, Young caught fire, and dominated Devine. He hit the Showstopper and pinned Devine at 15:05.

Winner: Eric Young
E+

------

After the match, Devine catches up with referee Billy Dalton

Devine: What the hell did you see out there? My shoulder was up off of the mat!

Dalton: Look, I looked to see if your shoulders were down, and they were down enough to call the pinfall. You should have kicked out if you didn't want to lose.

Devine: I don't need to be lectured about how to wrestle by a freaking referee! Get out of here.

Dalton walks away and Devine takes his anger out on a chair that was lying against the wall

E-

------

VPW World Championship Match

The Zombie vs Sylvester Terkay

Terkay came flying out of the gates, immediately taking the advantage on the Zombie. At about the 7 minute mark, The Zombie seemingly had no reaction to any of the strikes Terkay had and took an overwhelming advantage, culminating with a Brainlust, followed by a pin at 12:32.

Winner and STILL VPW World Champion: The Zombie
E+

------

Final Show Rating: E+

[The GIGGAS]

BTW, that's the best show rating I've gotten with VPW as of yet.

------

Internet Report:

Quote:

Virginia Pro Wrestling held VPW Rotten Balls - In Memorium last night in Blacksburg High School Gym, and drew 18 fans. The feedback has been very positive.

[AWS88]

Just the fact that you have Norman Smiley makes this the best wrestling promotion ever.

[CM Hooe]

Quote: Originally Posted by AWS88

Just the fact that you have Norman Smiley makes this the best wrestling promotion ever.

That, and the fact that the VPW Heavyweigh Champion is THE ZOMBIE.

Good stuff Giggas, keep it up.

[The GIGGAS]

VPW Intensity
Live in front of 14 fans at the Blacksburg High School Gym

Pre-Show

Josh Matthews is at the announcing table

Matthews: For all of you that were here last week, VPW Commish Mike Snider has decided to face off against Skayde until Snider can beat him! So get ready for our next matchup, because it is a Submission match!

F+

------

Mike Snider vs Skayde
--Submission Match--

This match was in hand early by Skayde, who fought off some opening offense from Mike Snider, and took his legs out from under him, literally, and locked in his patented Skayde lock, forcing Snider to tap out at 6:46.

Winner: Skayde
F+

------

Amy Zidian is in the ring

Amy: Sable! You get your skank *** down here now! You beat me in a stupid bikini contest, but I'm going to beat you in a Bra and Panties match!

Sable comes out

Sable: You got it, whore. Let's start it right now!

E

------

Amy Zidian vs Sable
--Bra and Panties "Match"--

This match had to contend with a crowd that crapped all over it, because they wanted to see male contests, forgetting the fact that there were actual women in the ring, stripping each other's clothes off. Anyway, Sable won in 4:17 after stripping Amy.

Winner: Sable
E-

------

Amy shows her frustration and strips Sable down to her underwear too

Matthews: Wow J.J.! Look at that!

Dillon: Trust me, youngin, I'm watching.

E+

Main Show

Jimmy McCoy finds Larry backstage

Jimmy: Now see here, Larry. I'm trying to win a championship, and you come out and cost me that opportunity? Well, I've got news for you. It's going to stop now.

Larry: Stop? Why should I stop? You turned your back on our family, moving out to the big city! I'm never gonna stop until you come back to the farm.

Jimmy: That's it, Larry. It's goin to stop.

Larry busts out laughing

E-

------

Mike Snider comes to the ring

Snider: Sadly, today I had to make a very frustrating decision. Johnny Devine has been suspended indefinitely for bringing chaos backstage, effective immediately. I know all of you enjoyed him wrestling, but he is just not a good fit for our company. Hopefully, while he's not here, he'll change his attitude. Thank you.

F+

------

Larry McCoy vs Jimmy McCoy

This one had a lot of family implications. It seemed to be a pretty open match, until Larry got upset. Larry then took a 2x4 and hit Jimmy over the head, DQing himself, and giving Jimmy the win at 6:03.

Winner: Jimmy McCoy
E-

------

Riggs² is walking backstage

F-

------

Dr. Greg Beals is in the ring

Beals: This is going to sound hilarious... to me. Every last one of you stupid rednecks believed me when I told you I was a doctor. HA! I'm just a conman, taking money from as many people as I can, and Elix Skipper was just another of my victims! Oh, and Greg Beals isn't my real name! Johnny Kashmere is!

Kashmere drops his microphone and smirks

E

------

Carsh Svades and "Sick" Nick Mondo vs Dan Maff and Johnny Kashmere

This was a warmup match for Svades and Mondo. They had the fight in hand the whole time, until Carsh hit his Paradigm Shift on Kashmere, and pinned him in 3:52.

BTW: This just in... the fans still hate Carsh. Like X-Pac heat.

Winners: Carsh Svades and "Sick" Nick Mondo
E-

------

Mondo grabs a microphone after their match

Mondo: Human Tornado! Are you here tonight? I didn't think so. That coward didn't have a partner yet, so he turned tail and ran. He's scared of my disregard for my personal well-being, and the fact that Carsh could kill him and his partner! As far as we know, he's probably in San Francisco, getting a date at some gay bar. You see these two losers, Tornado? This will be you and your partner when you grow the balls to come get some.

Carsh makes a menacing look to the camera, fulfilling his purpose in life

E-

------

Johnny Devine bursts into Mike Snider's office

Devine: What the hell, Snider? Suspending me?

Snider: You've caused countless disruptions backstage, Johnny.

Devine: What kind of appeal can I make? I don't deserve this, Snider!

Snider: Look, I'll give you a shot. I'll make a decision on that later tonight.

Devine: Not fast enough for me! Reinstate me now!

Snider: Security, we have an issue.

Devine: Oh, no issue here! I was just leaving.

Devine leaves

F

------

Icarus vs Elix Skipper

Icarus seemingly confused Skipper with his speed and subdued him surprisingly, giving him an upset win when he pinned Skipper at 4:31 following a Shiranui.

Winner: Icarus
E

------

Carl Greco and Ron Simmons are backstage, warming up for their title opportunity

E+

------

The Fudgebanger is in the ring

Fudgebanger: SMILEY! I've made a fudge replica of you to bang it! I'm going to smash it until you come out and give me an opportunity at your championship!

As the Fudgebanger is going to town on a life-size replica of Norman Smiley (?), the real deal comes down to the ring and stops him, starting the match

E-

------

VPW ExtremeCore Championship Match

The Fudgebanger vs Norman Smiley
--Hardcore Match--

This was a good match that the crowd was into, and was very open. However, when the Fudgebanger was sent flying into the fudge replica of Smiley, which was still in the ring for some unexplainable reason. Smiley took advantage and hit the Big Wiggle. He then pinned the Fudgebanger in 7:55.

Winner and STILL VPW ExtremeCore Champion: Norman Smiley
E+

------

Matthews is at the announcing table

Matthews: We've just got huge news here, folks. Mike Snider has given Johnny Devine a chance at getting reinstated! He'll have to win a match tonight. But it's not just any match... he'll have to face Eric Young... and... this can't be right... VPW Commissioner himself, Mike Snider! Wow... seriously?

F+

------

Romeo Roselli is in the ring

Roselli: Hey Miracle Loser Connection! Come out here, I'll face you both by myself, and I'll beat you!

Miracle Violence Connection starts coming out, but Antonio Thomas comes out behind them and ambushes them

Roselli: Ha! You think I was going to take you on in a Handicap match? You're not the Miracle Loser Connection... you're the Miracle Idiot Connection! Antonio! Back to the sexy party!

F+

------

Matthews and Dillon are at the announcing table

Matthews: Well, it looks like it's time for a VPW Tag Team Championship Match, J.J.!

Dillon: That it is, youngin! Hopefully Riggs² and the team of Greco and Simmons can harken back to the days in which wrestling was actually entertaining and not just drivel!

Matthews: J.J., those days are over! I digress... this is going to be a fantastic match!

E-

------

VPW Tag Team Championships Match

Riggs² vs Simmons and Greco

This match was slow getting started, but was pretty open. The advantage switched sides for a while. However, both Ron Simmons and Jason Riggs found themselves on the outside of the ring while they were the legal men. Both wrestlers were outside until they realized they were about to be counted out, but neither man was able to get back in the ring, resulting in a draw in 8:42. As a result of the match, Riggs² retains the Tag Team Championships.

Draw
E+

------

After the match, Simmons and Greco burst into Snider's office

Simmons: Hey Snider! You saw what happened out there, give us a rematch!

Snider: Sure, whatever.

Simmons: Why should we get one, you ask... what?

Snider: Yeah, I hate countouts. You get a no DQ match.

Simmons: Wow... this didn't happen like I thought it would.

Snider: Now get out of here... I'm getting ready for my match.

E

------

Johnny Devine vs Mike Snider and Eric Young
--Devine Reinstatement, No Disqualification Handicap Match--

It was a pretty long match, where Mike Snider was exhausted. Eric Young spent a lot of time on the offensive, and put away Johnny Devine at 11:54 with the Showstopper and a pin, to finalize Devine's suspension.

Winners: Mike Snider and Eric Young
F+

------

As he walks out of the building, Devine gets a microphone

Devine: Snider! Young! You haven't heard the last of Johnny Devine! I will have my revenge, mark my words!

F

------

VPW Cruiserweight Championship Match

Teddy Hart vs Brian Lawler

A very open and hardcore, bloody match. Hart was split open when Lawler DDTed him through a table, and then Lawler also donned a crimson mask when Teddy Hart dropkicked a ladder at Lawler. Lawler hit Hart with a facebuster onto a steel chair on the outside, then slid into the ring, set up a ladder and retrieved the championship at 14:40.

Winner and NEW VPW Cruiserweight Champion: Brian Lawler
E+

------

Teddy Hart is frustrated and starts brutally hitting Lawler with a steel chair

Matthews: Dear God! He's hit him with that chair at least 6 times! Will no one stop him?

Hart drags Lawler backstage

Matthews: What does he have in mind?

Dillon: I don't know, but it's probably going to end badly for our new VPW Cruiserweight Champion.

F

------

Sylvester Terkay and The Zombie face off in the ring

Matthews: Even after what happened last week, I don't think Terkay is satisfied!

Dillon: And the Zombie is some kind of crazy undead freak!

Matthews: What a way to end our show tonight! Join us next week... please? We need money!

F+

------

Final Show Rating: E

[The GIGGAS]

Internet Report:

Quote:

Virginia Pro Wrestling held VPW Intensity last night in Blacksburg High School Gym, and drew 14 fans. The feedback has been that it was better than you'd expect from a company that tiny. Eddie Skyclad, an expert on the subject, commented "Go away, I'm busy".

Quote:

News has come in that Ron Simmons has picked up an injury. It is said to have happened during a match last night, and early reports are that he will need to take time off in order to heal, which is a huge blow for him and his employers.