Don't call us the Bungals! Resurrecting the Cincinnati Bengals!

[Rancid Radio]

The Andy Dalton era will begin in Cincinnatti this year..

I'll start off by saying that everyone got their popcorn ready about a year ago in anticipation of the Cincinnati Bengals. Unfortunately, the popcorn was put away about three weeks into the season as it became clear that not even signing reality TV diva's could save the Bengals franchise. Welcome to Cincinnati, where **** is about to change!

Dear Carson Palmer
Dear Terrell Owens
Dear Chad Ochocinco

You're gone, you're gone, and you're gone too! I have effectively ended the reign of the NFL's premier douchebag Mike Brown and now I'm running the Bengals organization. (Hey, it's a video game. That's the only backstory I got.)

Carson Palmer will be traded immediately. We spent a first overall pick on this guy, he owes us something in return other than years of mediocrity and disappointment. Terrell Owens can go back to Dallas for all I care, he's been given the boot. And Ochocinco, go, just go.

Sure those are the only talented guys we had on the team last year, except for Cedric Benson but I believe he's in jail or something. Oh, wait Cedric's out now. So we've got exactly one talented player on offense this year. Well that was here last year that is, although we are the Bungals we actually had a solid draft last year with future superstar AJ Green in particular looking like a future superstar. We also drafted the future of the organization.

Andy Dalton.

Yes, he is a ginger. Yes, I am aware that no great man has ever been a ginger. Still, there is a first time for everything and Andy Dalton, unlike Carson Palmer is not an ungrateful *******. He's also got a solid running game to work with, barring jailtime. And a potential future superstar wide receiver in future superstar AJ Green.

Ah, yes. The future looks bright in Cincinnati, unfortunately for us though in Cincinnati things don't always work out as well as they should. Carson Palmer was supposed to be the savior of the franchise, but now he only wants out. QB's Ken Anderson and Boomer Esiason were both among the best in Bengal history, yet both ended their careers without a Super Bowl title. A title no Bengal's team has ever managed to win.

That's why I'm here. Me, and only me will save this franchise. OK, maybe Andy Dalton and AJ Green will help out a little bit but I think I speak for everybody when I say that I deserve most of the credit when things are going good. Oh, and one more thing. I hate Pittsburgh.

Welcome to Bungal country, you'll fit in just fine.

--

ooc: Alright, this is something I've been thinking about and am actually pretty excited for. First off if their is any issue with the cussing, let me know and I'll tone things down. This will be presented from the perspective of the anonymous new Bengals owner in a very satirical way. Very fitting for the NFL's biggest punchline if you ask me. I'm not a Bengals fan, but I always root for them because of their neverending mediocrity. I truly feel sorry for anyone who supports this franchise that has been plagued with divas on the field, and idiot in the office. I would truly enjoy seeing a Bengals Super Bowl victory.

Now onto the game. I won't be playing any of the games, I'm not cocky or anything but I'm too good and would win too much. I'm playing in something I call GM mode, although others might have their own name where I pretty much control everything except the games and simulate each game while using stats and performances from those games to decide what I need to do in the off-season. I think things will work out better this way, as I can spend most of the time poking fun at the Bengals for sucking. And believe me, they suck. I won't start Bruce Gradkowski, so that means the best players on the offense are Andy Dalton (rookie), AJ Green (rookie), and Cedric Benson (remarkably average).

I'm also going to import a saved draft class from NCAA 12 the first year, although it is still kind of weird it's a definite improvement from last year's which was the worst it possibly could be. After the first year though, I'll be using the Madden generated draft classes. Also, I'm very realistic and boring when it comes to free agents. I almost never go after big free agent signings unless they make sense, and try to keep a relatively familiar team each year.

Alright, with that said you can go ahead and post whenever you want. I only comment on big/major happenings and am not as detailed on the world outside of my team as other dynasty guys. One last thing, please enjoy the show, and remember don't call us the Bungals!

[Adam14]

I like it, gives a fun twist to everything. I'll follow.

[Rancid Radio]

Welcome to Cincinnati, where you'll inevitably demand a trade within five years.

Season Preview: 2011 Cincinnati Bengals team.

The 2010 Cincinnati Bengals team can be accurately described as all hype and no substance. Fresh off a 10-6 record and an AFC North Championship (and of course, an embarrassing loss to the Jets to end the season) the Bengals looked to be on the right track for the first time in forever. If I had already been here, I doubt my big idea to put the team over the hump would have been Terrell Owens. Owens is a notorious whiner, and every team he's a part of doesn't make the playoffs. This is actually a fact.

But Mike Brown must have wanted some MTV shows to kill his spare time in between abusing children and peeing on parked cars so he signed up T.O. and put him alongside fellow whiner Chad Ochocinco where they promptly whined throughout the whole season and did a bunch of horrible MTV shows. Fun fact, the Bengals biggest win of the season against the Chargers, where Carson Palmer had his best game of the season - Owens and Ocho weren't in the game.

Coincidence? I think not. Too bad Carson is so tired of the **** here in Bungal country that he's thrown in the towel and demanded a trade. Mike Brown being the genius he is decided that he was just going to ignore Palmer's existence and get absolutely nothing in return for him. Fortunately for Bengals fans, I am a not an idiot. Palmer will probably bring in a couple of draft picks in return for his services as we move onto the Andy Dalton era.

Offensively, we look terribly average. Our quarterback is a second round rookie, and our best receiver is also a rookie. Cedric Benson is a good running back, but we honestly can't rely on him entirely to carry the load of this offense. 2nd string RB Bernard Scott is solid, and our receiving corps is surprisingly deep with big threat tight end Jermaine Gresham paired up with young talents like Andre Caldwell, Jerome Simpson, and Jordan Shipley. Bo Scaife is also a solid tight end we picked up from the Titans in free-agency.

The offensive line is solid, which is really good considering Andy Dalton needs to stay on his feet to provide any production this season. Left tackle Andrew Whitworth, and right guard Bobbie Williams are certainly the most talented guys on the line but none of the other guys scream "Need to be replaced".

Defensively, we're underrated. Carlos Dunlap, Michael Johnson, and Domata Peko headline a group of very solid pass rushers which should net us some big plays on defense this year. The linebacking corps is also surprisingly impressive with Manny Lawson, Rey Maualuga, and Keith Rivers each expected to give us some solid production. Although safety is certainly our biggest position of need, the secondary will be very solid with Leon Hall headlining a solid group of corners who should provide big problems for opposing QB's this season.

After evaluating the team, I find myself pleasantly surprised with the depth that the Bengals have already. In fact, if Carson Palmer was returning to the team I would say we could have a playoff team on our hands. Unfortunately he's not going to do that anytime soon, so we're stuck with that damn ginger Andy Dalton to lead us to the promised land.

Prediction: 6-10, 3rd in the AFC North.

I think we're going to surprise a lot of people this year and pull off some upsets, hopefully one against the Steelers. That damn ginger's rookieness will probably cost us any shot at the playoffs, especially when the most veteran player on offense was just released from prison but I still think we'll be above the Browns, because well, **** the Browns.