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  • bigeastbumrush
    My Momma's Son
    • Feb 2003
    • 19245

    #16
    Re: More Darko-Melo

    </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
    mgoblue said:
    Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...

    <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

    Huh

    Isn't that stating the obvious?

    Melo didn't come into the league as a project. Now, if you're saying that the genius Larry Brown would've kept Melo on the bench in the same manner as Darko because his defense wasn't up to par, you've got to be kidding me.

    If Detroit drafted Melo, Tayshaun Prince's situation would be basically the same as it is now- a role player. They would split time at SF and you could also move Melo to the 2 for stretches during a game.

    Where's the conflict?

    Comment

    • dieselboy
      --------------
      • Dec 2002
      • 18040

      #17
      Re: More Darko-Melo

      </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
      mgoblue said:
      Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...I stick by the Darko decision until 2 or 3 years have gone by and at that point he's horrible. Melo wouldn't win the finals for us, I'm sorry

      <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

      Is anyone in the East planning on winning the finals for a few years?

      I don't think so. If the Pistons had 'Melo, I think they would be the favorite in the East, while right now in my opinion it is Indiana.

      Comment

      • dieselboy
        --------------
        • Dec 2002
        • 18040

        #18
        Re: More Darko-Melo

        </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
        mgoblue said:
        Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...I stick by the Darko decision until 2 or 3 years have gone by and at that point he's horrible. Melo wouldn't win the finals for us, I'm sorry

        <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

        Is anyone in the East planning on winning the finals for a few years?

        I don't think so. If the Pistons had 'Melo, I think they would be the favorite in the East, while right now in my opinion it is Indiana.

        Comment

        • dieselboy
          --------------
          • Dec 2002
          • 18040

          #19
          Re: More Darko-Melo

          </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
          mgoblue said:
          Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...I stick by the Darko decision until 2 or 3 years have gone by and at that point he's horrible. Melo wouldn't win the finals for us, I'm sorry

          <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

          Is anyone in the East planning on winning the finals for a few years?

          I don't think so. If the Pistons had 'Melo, I think they would be the favorite in the East, while right now in my opinion it is Indiana.

          Comment

          • lionsfan49
            D*tr**t F*nb*y
            • Jul 2002
            • 1106

            #20
            Re: More Darko-Melo

            This has been debated and there is no right or wrong answer. All I know is, I cant believe how many times Darko either a)falls down for no reason during the game or b)lets a ball slip through his hands.

            Will Darko be good? No one can say for sure. However, I do believe us drafting Darko ultimately enhanced our chances for an NBA title because had we drafted Melo I dont think we make the move for Rasheed. I think we are a better team with Rasheed than Melo...
            Xbox 360 NCAA 12

            Comment

            • lionsfan49
              D*tr**t F*nb*y
              • Jul 2002
              • 1106

              #21
              Re: More Darko-Melo

              This has been debated and there is no right or wrong answer. All I know is, I cant believe how many times Darko either a)falls down for no reason during the game or b)lets a ball slip through his hands.

              Will Darko be good? No one can say for sure. However, I do believe us drafting Darko ultimately enhanced our chances for an NBA title because had we drafted Melo I dont think we make the move for Rasheed. I think we are a better team with Rasheed than Melo...
              Xbox 360 NCAA 12

              Comment

              • lionsfan49
                D*tr**t F*nb*y
                • Jul 2002
                • 1106

                #22
                Re: More Darko-Melo

                This has been debated and there is no right or wrong answer. All I know is, I cant believe how many times Darko either a)falls down for no reason during the game or b)lets a ball slip through his hands.

                Will Darko be good? No one can say for sure. However, I do believe us drafting Darko ultimately enhanced our chances for an NBA title because had we drafted Melo I dont think we make the move for Rasheed. I think we are a better team with Rasheed than Melo...
                Xbox 360 NCAA 12

                Comment

                • OneBadMutha
                  Pro
                  • Sep 2003
                  • 632

                  #23
                  Re: More Darko-Melo

                  This subject has been debated to death however Bill Simmons proves that he's a hack with this article by using no facts to support his claim that Darko is closer to Shawn Bradley than a promising pick and that Melo is the next Larry Bird. There is no substance to this article -- just witty ways to express his water cooler talk. I could easily break down and tear apart every point he made and back it up with facts -- but people here are already tired of my side of the argument (and my long posts). I found this article today which covers a few of the points of Bill Simons article and it's a lot more entertaining than I am...


                  Detroit Sports Rag Article On Bill Simmons


                  04/07/2004
                  WEDNESDAY MORNING MOSSISMS

                  --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                  by Jeff Moss
                  e-mail: [email protected]


                  I don't enjoy this. Trust me, I really don't.


                  I am as sick of debating the Carmelo Anthony-Darko Milicic selection as you probably are of reading about it. But every time I think I am out, they pull me back in.

                  I wouldn't even blame you if you skipped ahead to the next bullet point.

                  OK, so you are still here. This is how it usually plays out. Someone bashes "The Human Victory Cigar" and nominates Marshmallow for sainthood. The next thing I know, my e-mail inbox is flooded with Darko Nation (a mixture of Joe Dumars' fans, Serbian Nationals and people who actually watch the sport of basketball) begging for my response.

                  I kind of feel like Johnny Cochrane when a celebrity caps their significant other or allegedly forces a hotel employee over a chair and performs a little dookey love.

                  Whenever that happens, Johnny can be sure that Larry King's people will be on the phone within minutes requesting his appearance. Well, that is how I feel when the Darko-Carmelo card is played.

                  (Actually for the purpose of this article, I feel like Kathy Griffin when someone cancels their appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live at the last minute.


                  11:52PM [ET] - Yeah, Kathy this is Kimmel's show. We can't get Andy Dick away from his orgy of men, 18-year old girls and various pharmaceutical products and we already tried Anthony Anderson, but we can't lure him out of Fat Burger, so would you mind making your 74th appearance on the show?

                  I really like that joke, unfortunately only the ten people who actually watch Kimmel's show are going to understand it.)

                  So last night, while driving home from the "Tigers are over .500 for the first time since Clinton was president" celebration, I saw the Darko signal in the sky (a basketball with the letters DNP-CD engraved) and I knew I had to respond.

                  You might have already figured out by now that the target for this column is part time ESPN.com Page 2 columnist and Kimmel writer Bill "The Boston Sports Guy" Simmons.

                  Who else would dredge this crap up the day after the Pistons bitch slapped the Indiana Pacers around while holding the NBA's "best team" to 61 points? None other than Larry Bird's personal fluffer of course. (I know that Simmons' wrote this column before the Detroit-Indy game, but give me some artistic freedom here please.)

                  Now we all know that Simmons has had a serious hard-on over the Darko-Marshmallow pick from the day Dumars bypassed the Syracuse Orangeman product. Not a column goes by in which the Boston blowhard doesn't take a shot at the Pistons rookie center.

                  If Simmons wrote an article about eating dinner with Cousin Sal at Spago (and I am sure we are only days away from that), he would somehow find a way to mock Milicic:

                  "After my pal Sal and I left the restaurant, we went outside where it was dark out. Dark out? That reminds me of Darko. I wish I had a Pistons fan for a friend so I could call him every time it was dark out and mock him for his team passing on Carmelo.

                  That just gave me an idea for a great bit for Sal. We get him a job at a Detroit sporting goods store and every time someone asks for a Darko jersey, he will give them a Carmelo jersey. Oh, wouldn't that be about as funny as the Armenian Comedian?"

                  It is quite apparent that Simmons needs some serious couch time with Dr. Melfi because he obviously hasn't gotten over the fact that the Bad Boys ended his beloved Celtics run back in the late 80s.

                  You probably would be bitter if your favorite team was so bad that they attempted to tank the season to get a lottery pick only to go on a run to make the playoffs. And at the same time helping the Pistons acquire Rasheed Wallace and clearing up enough salary space to re-sign Mehmet Okur.

                  And by the way, when the Celtics play the Pacers in the first round, who will Simmons be rooting for? His team or his own Personal Jesus? (Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares. Your own personal Jesus. Just a quick side note, Marilyn Manson is covering the Depeche Mode song on a compilation album to be released this fall. Never has anything so wrong, sounded so right.)

                  If the little Simmons' jabs about the Pistons pick weren't bad enough, his latest column in ESPN the Magazine takes the cake. The whole article ridiculed the Pistons pick while making Carmelo out to be the end result of a Larry Bird-Lisa Leslie mating.

                  So the following is my rebuttal to the Boston Sports Guys' latest column. His comments are appropriately in green.

                  (And by the way, even though Simmons' Magazine columns are almost always on the ESPN.com webpage, this one cannot be found. Either there is a conspiracy at work here, or the editors of Page 2 have higher standards than The Magazine. I would guess the latter as Stuart Scott writes for the periodical, but not the website.)

                  <font color="green"> "Ever notice how many Hall of Famers played in an NCAA Championship game? This is no accident. Carrying your school to the title means something. Either you are a winner or you aren't."
                  </font>
                  This is a very interesting theory. Complete garbage and wrong, but interesting.

                  I guess Ed Pinckney, Pervis Ellison, Steve Alford, Danny Manning, Glen Rice, Larry Johnson, Christian Laettner, Eric Montross, Corliss Williamson, Ed O'Bannon, Tony Delk, Miles Simon, Jeff Sheppard, Richard Hamilton, Mateen Cleaves, Shane Battier and Juan Dixon should start heading to Springfield to pose for their Hall of Fame busts.

                  What do all of those players have in common? They all led their respective teams to a title and were honored with the Most Outstanding Award at the Final Four.

                  And since the Pistons have two of those guys already on their roster, we probably should start figuring out the parade route down Lapeer Road!!!

                  I bet Cleaves is wondering why he had had to toil with Hunstville of the NBDL for most of the year since he is a "winner."

                  I also must have missed the abundance of titles that Louisiana State and Wake Forest won during the Shaq O'Neal and Tim Duncan years.

                  <font color="green"> "And then there are the Pistons, one scorer away from being the equal of any of the bigwigs in the West. Note: I'm in Vegas as I write this, and the Pistons are 10-1 to win the title. They'd be 5-2 with Carmelo. Don't blame me, I'm just the messenger."
                  </font>
                  I am glad that Simmons can tell us precisely what the Pistons odds would be with Marshmallow on the team.

                  Excuse me if I don't buy his theory. He is the same jackass who predicted the Pistons would finish sixth in the East this year. Behind the Washington Wizards!!! Oh yeah, and the columnist slotted his home team Celtics third.

                  And why did he pick the Celts to place? Because a clean and sober Vin Baker would be the difference. OK, OK, clean the coffee and spit off your monitor.

                  <font color="green"> "Because they already had Tayshaun Prince. Tayshaun Prince?! That's like passing up a free Ferrari because you already own a Miata."
                  </font>
                  You see, this is where the Sports Guy shows that he hasn't been paying attention. Obviously being a newlywed coupled with his stressful job of writing 'Audience Participation Theater ' and making Quentin Tarantino unfunny has caused him to miss a lot of NBA games this year.

                  He probably is relegated to watching Carmelo on Sportscenter highlights where he never misses a shot. Unfortunately ESPN doesn't show his defensive abilities or lack thereof.

                  Due to his Ole-style defense, Anthony probably would be playing about half as much for Detroit as he does in Denver. You either play defense on this team or you don't play. Just ask Okur.

                  And I am sure the most unselfish team in pro sports would really be thrilled adding a guy who doesn't get warm until he has heaved his 20th shot up at the basket.

                  It took Anthony about 65 games to do his best Scottie Pippen impression when he refused to reenter the Nuggets-Pistons game. Big Dog, Jr. was upset that his teammates were mad at him for his poor shot selection and horrid defense of Corliss Williamson. (Hey, Marcus Camby and Andre Miller should have been more forgiving, don't they know that "Big Nasty" led Arkansas to a national title. HE IS A WINNER!)

                  The Pistons players probably would have caused him to throw this fit during am exhibition game.

                  This is also the same guy who thanked himself when he won an ESPY and ridiculed Andrei (AK-47 is the tool, don't make me act the muthaf-cking fool) Kirilenko when he didn't make the All-Star team. Maybe we should just rename him Crymelo.

                  Yeah, adding this shot-happy, immature, defensive liability player to the Pistons mix would have been great for team chemistry.

                  On this team, there is no doubt that Prince is the better fit. He plays defense, scores half of Carmelo's points on half the shots and never thanks himself when he wins an award.

                  What will the next Sports Guy column be? Why it would be a good idea for Charlie Ward to play point guard for the Israeli Olympic team?

                  <font color="green"> "Like just about every other European, Dirk (Nowitzki) is soft. Hasn't gotten better in three years. Can't rebound when it matters. Couldn't guard Paul Mokeski ...... now. I love watching the guy, but if he's your 'best case scenario' for passing up a future 10-time All-Star, you need to go back to the situation room." </font>

                  Earlier in his column, Simmons said that the Darko-Carmelo case would be one that an attorney couldn't lose. Well, we here at the DSR have a new name for the Sports Guy: Christopher Darden.

                  Can't rebound when it matters? Soft? You really shouldn't be bringing up those issues in a written fellatio of a guy who was almost benched in January for being soft and for not rebounding.

                  And while Nowitzki might not be able to guard Paul Mokeski, Stay Puff Anthony couldn't guard Paul Reubens, Paul McCartney or Paul Sorvino.

                  We will take our chances with Darko developing and would be thrilled if he turns out to be the next Dirk. The guy has lived through war and been the butt of a national joke. HE IS ALREADY TOUGH!

                  <font color="green"> "Yeah, but you're still not going to beat the Kings or the Lakers. Trust me on this. And even if you do, you won't have the privilege of watching Melo in person for the next 15 years."
                  </font>
                  The last time we trusted you, we bet the over on the total number of games that the Wizards would win this year. And unless David Stern agrees to our suggestion of a 110-game season immediately, that cash is gone.

                  And what the hell is this crap about the privilege of watching Anthony? Oh, is that the same privilege that Atlanta Hawk fans had in watching Dominique Wilkins. We will take the championships, but thanks for thinking of us.

                  In the last year you have completely lost any basketball credibility that you had left. In the e-mail Simmons sent me a few months ago, he informed me that he was so busy with the Kimmel show that he barely had time to read the Boston Globe. Obviously watching the NBA or spending time crafting quality columns isn't on your agenda anymore either.

                  Hey Bill, are you even writing this crap or do you have an intern who you instruct to write a normal column but throw in a Hoosiers quote or Teen Wolf 2 mention, bash Darko, throw in a wrestling reset, mention Starbucks, reference your dad, pray to Bird, bitch about your wife/step-mom and criticize Billy Packer? Oh I forgot, you also have to throw in a joke about the day you will be running ESPN6.

                  If there is a formula, maybe you can start spawning clones. Kind of like Gallagher.

                  It should only be a matter of months before Kimmel is given the Chevy Chase treatment and the Sports Guy probably will crawl back to his Page 2 column on a full-time basis. I am just trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing.

                  Comment

                  • OneBadMutha
                    Pro
                    • Sep 2003
                    • 632

                    #24
                    Re: More Darko-Melo

                    This subject has been debated to death however Bill Simmons proves that he's a hack with this article by using no facts to support his claim that Darko is closer to Shawn Bradley than a promising pick and that Melo is the next Larry Bird. There is no substance to this article -- just witty ways to express his water cooler talk. I could easily break down and tear apart every point he made and back it up with facts -- but people here are already tired of my side of the argument (and my long posts). I found this article today which covers a few of the points of Bill Simons article and it's a lot more entertaining than I am...


                    Detroit Sports Rag Article On Bill Simmons


                    04/07/2004
                    WEDNESDAY MORNING MOSSISMS

                    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                    by Jeff Moss
                    e-mail: [email protected]


                    I don't enjoy this. Trust me, I really don't.


                    I am as sick of debating the Carmelo Anthony-Darko Milicic selection as you probably are of reading about it. But every time I think I am out, they pull me back in.

                    I wouldn't even blame you if you skipped ahead to the next bullet point.

                    OK, so you are still here. This is how it usually plays out. Someone bashes "The Human Victory Cigar" and nominates Marshmallow for sainthood. The next thing I know, my e-mail inbox is flooded with Darko Nation (a mixture of Joe Dumars' fans, Serbian Nationals and people who actually watch the sport of basketball) begging for my response.

                    I kind of feel like Johnny Cochrane when a celebrity caps their significant other or allegedly forces a hotel employee over a chair and performs a little dookey love.

                    Whenever that happens, Johnny can be sure that Larry King's people will be on the phone within minutes requesting his appearance. Well, that is how I feel when the Darko-Carmelo card is played.

                    (Actually for the purpose of this article, I feel like Kathy Griffin when someone cancels their appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live at the last minute.


                    11:52PM [ET] - Yeah, Kathy this is Kimmel's show. We can't get Andy Dick away from his orgy of men, 18-year old girls and various pharmaceutical products and we already tried Anthony Anderson, but we can't lure him out of Fat Burger, so would you mind making your 74th appearance on the show?

                    I really like that joke, unfortunately only the ten people who actually watch Kimmel's show are going to understand it.)

                    So last night, while driving home from the "Tigers are over .500 for the first time since Clinton was president" celebration, I saw the Darko signal in the sky (a basketball with the letters DNP-CD engraved) and I knew I had to respond.

                    You might have already figured out by now that the target for this column is part time ESPN.com Page 2 columnist and Kimmel writer Bill "The Boston Sports Guy" Simmons.

                    Who else would dredge this crap up the day after the Pistons bitch slapped the Indiana Pacers around while holding the NBA's "best team" to 61 points? None other than Larry Bird's personal fluffer of course. (I know that Simmons' wrote this column before the Detroit-Indy game, but give me some artistic freedom here please.)

                    Now we all know that Simmons has had a serious hard-on over the Darko-Marshmallow pick from the day Dumars bypassed the Syracuse Orangeman product. Not a column goes by in which the Boston blowhard doesn't take a shot at the Pistons rookie center.

                    If Simmons wrote an article about eating dinner with Cousin Sal at Spago (and I am sure we are only days away from that), he would somehow find a way to mock Milicic:

                    "After my pal Sal and I left the restaurant, we went outside where it was dark out. Dark out? That reminds me of Darko. I wish I had a Pistons fan for a friend so I could call him every time it was dark out and mock him for his team passing on Carmelo.

                    That just gave me an idea for a great bit for Sal. We get him a job at a Detroit sporting goods store and every time someone asks for a Darko jersey, he will give them a Carmelo jersey. Oh, wouldn't that be about as funny as the Armenian Comedian?"

                    It is quite apparent that Simmons needs some serious couch time with Dr. Melfi because he obviously hasn't gotten over the fact that the Bad Boys ended his beloved Celtics run back in the late 80s.

                    You probably would be bitter if your favorite team was so bad that they attempted to tank the season to get a lottery pick only to go on a run to make the playoffs. And at the same time helping the Pistons acquire Rasheed Wallace and clearing up enough salary space to re-sign Mehmet Okur.

                    And by the way, when the Celtics play the Pacers in the first round, who will Simmons be rooting for? His team or his own Personal Jesus? (Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares. Your own personal Jesus. Just a quick side note, Marilyn Manson is covering the Depeche Mode song on a compilation album to be released this fall. Never has anything so wrong, sounded so right.)

                    If the little Simmons' jabs about the Pistons pick weren't bad enough, his latest column in ESPN the Magazine takes the cake. The whole article ridiculed the Pistons pick while making Carmelo out to be the end result of a Larry Bird-Lisa Leslie mating.

                    So the following is my rebuttal to the Boston Sports Guys' latest column. His comments are appropriately in green.

                    (And by the way, even though Simmons' Magazine columns are almost always on the ESPN.com webpage, this one cannot be found. Either there is a conspiracy at work here, or the editors of Page 2 have higher standards than The Magazine. I would guess the latter as Stuart Scott writes for the periodical, but not the website.)

                    <font color="green"> "Ever notice how many Hall of Famers played in an NCAA Championship game? This is no accident. Carrying your school to the title means something. Either you are a winner or you aren't."
                    </font>
                    This is a very interesting theory. Complete garbage and wrong, but interesting.

                    I guess Ed Pinckney, Pervis Ellison, Steve Alford, Danny Manning, Glen Rice, Larry Johnson, Christian Laettner, Eric Montross, Corliss Williamson, Ed O'Bannon, Tony Delk, Miles Simon, Jeff Sheppard, Richard Hamilton, Mateen Cleaves, Shane Battier and Juan Dixon should start heading to Springfield to pose for their Hall of Fame busts.

                    What do all of those players have in common? They all led their respective teams to a title and were honored with the Most Outstanding Award at the Final Four.

                    And since the Pistons have two of those guys already on their roster, we probably should start figuring out the parade route down Lapeer Road!!!

                    I bet Cleaves is wondering why he had had to toil with Hunstville of the NBDL for most of the year since he is a "winner."

                    I also must have missed the abundance of titles that Louisiana State and Wake Forest won during the Shaq O'Neal and Tim Duncan years.

                    <font color="green"> "And then there are the Pistons, one scorer away from being the equal of any of the bigwigs in the West. Note: I'm in Vegas as I write this, and the Pistons are 10-1 to win the title. They'd be 5-2 with Carmelo. Don't blame me, I'm just the messenger."
                    </font>
                    I am glad that Simmons can tell us precisely what the Pistons odds would be with Marshmallow on the team.

                    Excuse me if I don't buy his theory. He is the same jackass who predicted the Pistons would finish sixth in the East this year. Behind the Washington Wizards!!! Oh yeah, and the columnist slotted his home team Celtics third.

                    And why did he pick the Celts to place? Because a clean and sober Vin Baker would be the difference. OK, OK, clean the coffee and spit off your monitor.

                    <font color="green"> "Because they already had Tayshaun Prince. Tayshaun Prince?! That's like passing up a free Ferrari because you already own a Miata."
                    </font>
                    You see, this is where the Sports Guy shows that he hasn't been paying attention. Obviously being a newlywed coupled with his stressful job of writing 'Audience Participation Theater ' and making Quentin Tarantino unfunny has caused him to miss a lot of NBA games this year.

                    He probably is relegated to watching Carmelo on Sportscenter highlights where he never misses a shot. Unfortunately ESPN doesn't show his defensive abilities or lack thereof.

                    Due to his Ole-style defense, Anthony probably would be playing about half as much for Detroit as he does in Denver. You either play defense on this team or you don't play. Just ask Okur.

                    And I am sure the most unselfish team in pro sports would really be thrilled adding a guy who doesn't get warm until he has heaved his 20th shot up at the basket.

                    It took Anthony about 65 games to do his best Scottie Pippen impression when he refused to reenter the Nuggets-Pistons game. Big Dog, Jr. was upset that his teammates were mad at him for his poor shot selection and horrid defense of Corliss Williamson. (Hey, Marcus Camby and Andre Miller should have been more forgiving, don't they know that "Big Nasty" led Arkansas to a national title. HE IS A WINNER!)

                    The Pistons players probably would have caused him to throw this fit during am exhibition game.

                    This is also the same guy who thanked himself when he won an ESPY and ridiculed Andrei (AK-47 is the tool, don't make me act the muthaf-cking fool) Kirilenko when he didn't make the All-Star team. Maybe we should just rename him Crymelo.

                    Yeah, adding this shot-happy, immature, defensive liability player to the Pistons mix would have been great for team chemistry.

                    On this team, there is no doubt that Prince is the better fit. He plays defense, scores half of Carmelo's points on half the shots and never thanks himself when he wins an award.

                    What will the next Sports Guy column be? Why it would be a good idea for Charlie Ward to play point guard for the Israeli Olympic team?

                    <font color="green"> "Like just about every other European, Dirk (Nowitzki) is soft. Hasn't gotten better in three years. Can't rebound when it matters. Couldn't guard Paul Mokeski ...... now. I love watching the guy, but if he's your 'best case scenario' for passing up a future 10-time All-Star, you need to go back to the situation room." </font>

                    Earlier in his column, Simmons said that the Darko-Carmelo case would be one that an attorney couldn't lose. Well, we here at the DSR have a new name for the Sports Guy: Christopher Darden.

                    Can't rebound when it matters? Soft? You really shouldn't be bringing up those issues in a written fellatio of a guy who was almost benched in January for being soft and for not rebounding.

                    And while Nowitzki might not be able to guard Paul Mokeski, Stay Puff Anthony couldn't guard Paul Reubens, Paul McCartney or Paul Sorvino.

                    We will take our chances with Darko developing and would be thrilled if he turns out to be the next Dirk. The guy has lived through war and been the butt of a national joke. HE IS ALREADY TOUGH!

                    <font color="green"> "Yeah, but you're still not going to beat the Kings or the Lakers. Trust me on this. And even if you do, you won't have the privilege of watching Melo in person for the next 15 years."
                    </font>
                    The last time we trusted you, we bet the over on the total number of games that the Wizards would win this year. And unless David Stern agrees to our suggestion of a 110-game season immediately, that cash is gone.

                    And what the hell is this crap about the privilege of watching Anthony? Oh, is that the same privilege that Atlanta Hawk fans had in watching Dominique Wilkins. We will take the championships, but thanks for thinking of us.

                    In the last year you have completely lost any basketball credibility that you had left. In the e-mail Simmons sent me a few months ago, he informed me that he was so busy with the Kimmel show that he barely had time to read the Boston Globe. Obviously watching the NBA or spending time crafting quality columns isn't on your agenda anymore either.

                    Hey Bill, are you even writing this crap or do you have an intern who you instruct to write a normal column but throw in a Hoosiers quote or Teen Wolf 2 mention, bash Darko, throw in a wrestling reset, mention Starbucks, reference your dad, pray to Bird, bitch about your wife/step-mom and criticize Billy Packer? Oh I forgot, you also have to throw in a joke about the day you will be running ESPN6.

                    If there is a formula, maybe you can start spawning clones. Kind of like Gallagher.

                    It should only be a matter of months before Kimmel is given the Chevy Chase treatment and the Sports Guy probably will crawl back to his Page 2 column on a full-time basis. I am just trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing.

                    Comment

                    • OneBadMutha
                      Pro
                      • Sep 2003
                      • 632

                      #25
                      Re: More Darko-Melo

                      This subject has been debated to death however Bill Simmons proves that he's a hack with this article by using no facts to support his claim that Darko is closer to Shawn Bradley than a promising pick and that Melo is the next Larry Bird. There is no substance to this article -- just witty ways to express his water cooler talk. I could easily break down and tear apart every point he made and back it up with facts -- but people here are already tired of my side of the argument (and my long posts). I found this article today which covers a few of the points of Bill Simons article and it's a lot more entertaining than I am...


                      Detroit Sports Rag Article On Bill Simmons


                      04/07/2004
                      WEDNESDAY MORNING MOSSISMS

                      --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                      by Jeff Moss
                      e-mail: [email protected]


                      I don't enjoy this. Trust me, I really don't.


                      I am as sick of debating the Carmelo Anthony-Darko Milicic selection as you probably are of reading about it. But every time I think I am out, they pull me back in.

                      I wouldn't even blame you if you skipped ahead to the next bullet point.

                      OK, so you are still here. This is how it usually plays out. Someone bashes "The Human Victory Cigar" and nominates Marshmallow for sainthood. The next thing I know, my e-mail inbox is flooded with Darko Nation (a mixture of Joe Dumars' fans, Serbian Nationals and people who actually watch the sport of basketball) begging for my response.

                      I kind of feel like Johnny Cochrane when a celebrity caps their significant other or allegedly forces a hotel employee over a chair and performs a little dookey love.

                      Whenever that happens, Johnny can be sure that Larry King's people will be on the phone within minutes requesting his appearance. Well, that is how I feel when the Darko-Carmelo card is played.

                      (Actually for the purpose of this article, I feel like Kathy Griffin when someone cancels their appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live at the last minute.


                      11:52PM [ET] - Yeah, Kathy this is Kimmel's show. We can't get Andy Dick away from his orgy of men, 18-year old girls and various pharmaceutical products and we already tried Anthony Anderson, but we can't lure him out of Fat Burger, so would you mind making your 74th appearance on the show?

                      I really like that joke, unfortunately only the ten people who actually watch Kimmel's show are going to understand it.)

                      So last night, while driving home from the "Tigers are over .500 for the first time since Clinton was president" celebration, I saw the Darko signal in the sky (a basketball with the letters DNP-CD engraved) and I knew I had to respond.

                      You might have already figured out by now that the target for this column is part time ESPN.com Page 2 columnist and Kimmel writer Bill "The Boston Sports Guy" Simmons.

                      Who else would dredge this crap up the day after the Pistons bitch slapped the Indiana Pacers around while holding the NBA's "best team" to 61 points? None other than Larry Bird's personal fluffer of course. (I know that Simmons' wrote this column before the Detroit-Indy game, but give me some artistic freedom here please.)

                      Now we all know that Simmons has had a serious hard-on over the Darko-Marshmallow pick from the day Dumars bypassed the Syracuse Orangeman product. Not a column goes by in which the Boston blowhard doesn't take a shot at the Pistons rookie center.

                      If Simmons wrote an article about eating dinner with Cousin Sal at Spago (and I am sure we are only days away from that), he would somehow find a way to mock Milicic:

                      "After my pal Sal and I left the restaurant, we went outside where it was dark out. Dark out? That reminds me of Darko. I wish I had a Pistons fan for a friend so I could call him every time it was dark out and mock him for his team passing on Carmelo.

                      That just gave me an idea for a great bit for Sal. We get him a job at a Detroit sporting goods store and every time someone asks for a Darko jersey, he will give them a Carmelo jersey. Oh, wouldn't that be about as funny as the Armenian Comedian?"

                      It is quite apparent that Simmons needs some serious couch time with Dr. Melfi because he obviously hasn't gotten over the fact that the Bad Boys ended his beloved Celtics run back in the late 80s.

                      You probably would be bitter if your favorite team was so bad that they attempted to tank the season to get a lottery pick only to go on a run to make the playoffs. And at the same time helping the Pistons acquire Rasheed Wallace and clearing up enough salary space to re-sign Mehmet Okur.

                      And by the way, when the Celtics play the Pacers in the first round, who will Simmons be rooting for? His team or his own Personal Jesus? (Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares. Your own personal Jesus. Just a quick side note, Marilyn Manson is covering the Depeche Mode song on a compilation album to be released this fall. Never has anything so wrong, sounded so right.)

                      If the little Simmons' jabs about the Pistons pick weren't bad enough, his latest column in ESPN the Magazine takes the cake. The whole article ridiculed the Pistons pick while making Carmelo out to be the end result of a Larry Bird-Lisa Leslie mating.

                      So the following is my rebuttal to the Boston Sports Guys' latest column. His comments are appropriately in green.

                      (And by the way, even though Simmons' Magazine columns are almost always on the ESPN.com webpage, this one cannot be found. Either there is a conspiracy at work here, or the editors of Page 2 have higher standards than The Magazine. I would guess the latter as Stuart Scott writes for the periodical, but not the website.)

                      <font color="green"> "Ever notice how many Hall of Famers played in an NCAA Championship game? This is no accident. Carrying your school to the title means something. Either you are a winner or you aren't."
                      </font>
                      This is a very interesting theory. Complete garbage and wrong, but interesting.

                      I guess Ed Pinckney, Pervis Ellison, Steve Alford, Danny Manning, Glen Rice, Larry Johnson, Christian Laettner, Eric Montross, Corliss Williamson, Ed O'Bannon, Tony Delk, Miles Simon, Jeff Sheppard, Richard Hamilton, Mateen Cleaves, Shane Battier and Juan Dixon should start heading to Springfield to pose for their Hall of Fame busts.

                      What do all of those players have in common? They all led their respective teams to a title and were honored with the Most Outstanding Award at the Final Four.

                      And since the Pistons have two of those guys already on their roster, we probably should start figuring out the parade route down Lapeer Road!!!

                      I bet Cleaves is wondering why he had had to toil with Hunstville of the NBDL for most of the year since he is a "winner."

                      I also must have missed the abundance of titles that Louisiana State and Wake Forest won during the Shaq O'Neal and Tim Duncan years.

                      <font color="green"> "And then there are the Pistons, one scorer away from being the equal of any of the bigwigs in the West. Note: I'm in Vegas as I write this, and the Pistons are 10-1 to win the title. They'd be 5-2 with Carmelo. Don't blame me, I'm just the messenger."
                      </font>
                      I am glad that Simmons can tell us precisely what the Pistons odds would be with Marshmallow on the team.

                      Excuse me if I don't buy his theory. He is the same jackass who predicted the Pistons would finish sixth in the East this year. Behind the Washington Wizards!!! Oh yeah, and the columnist slotted his home team Celtics third.

                      And why did he pick the Celts to place? Because a clean and sober Vin Baker would be the difference. OK, OK, clean the coffee and spit off your monitor.

                      <font color="green"> "Because they already had Tayshaun Prince. Tayshaun Prince?! That's like passing up a free Ferrari because you already own a Miata."
                      </font>
                      You see, this is where the Sports Guy shows that he hasn't been paying attention. Obviously being a newlywed coupled with his stressful job of writing 'Audience Participation Theater ' and making Quentin Tarantino unfunny has caused him to miss a lot of NBA games this year.

                      He probably is relegated to watching Carmelo on Sportscenter highlights where he never misses a shot. Unfortunately ESPN doesn't show his defensive abilities or lack thereof.

                      Due to his Ole-style defense, Anthony probably would be playing about half as much for Detroit as he does in Denver. You either play defense on this team or you don't play. Just ask Okur.

                      And I am sure the most unselfish team in pro sports would really be thrilled adding a guy who doesn't get warm until he has heaved his 20th shot up at the basket.

                      It took Anthony about 65 games to do his best Scottie Pippen impression when he refused to reenter the Nuggets-Pistons game. Big Dog, Jr. was upset that his teammates were mad at him for his poor shot selection and horrid defense of Corliss Williamson. (Hey, Marcus Camby and Andre Miller should have been more forgiving, don't they know that "Big Nasty" led Arkansas to a national title. HE IS A WINNER!)

                      The Pistons players probably would have caused him to throw this fit during am exhibition game.

                      This is also the same guy who thanked himself when he won an ESPY and ridiculed Andrei (AK-47 is the tool, don't make me act the muthaf-cking fool) Kirilenko when he didn't make the All-Star team. Maybe we should just rename him Crymelo.

                      Yeah, adding this shot-happy, immature, defensive liability player to the Pistons mix would have been great for team chemistry.

                      On this team, there is no doubt that Prince is the better fit. He plays defense, scores half of Carmelo's points on half the shots and never thanks himself when he wins an award.

                      What will the next Sports Guy column be? Why it would be a good idea for Charlie Ward to play point guard for the Israeli Olympic team?

                      <font color="green"> "Like just about every other European, Dirk (Nowitzki) is soft. Hasn't gotten better in three years. Can't rebound when it matters. Couldn't guard Paul Mokeski ...... now. I love watching the guy, but if he's your 'best case scenario' for passing up a future 10-time All-Star, you need to go back to the situation room." </font>

                      Earlier in his column, Simmons said that the Darko-Carmelo case would be one that an attorney couldn't lose. Well, we here at the DSR have a new name for the Sports Guy: Christopher Darden.

                      Can't rebound when it matters? Soft? You really shouldn't be bringing up those issues in a written fellatio of a guy who was almost benched in January for being soft and for not rebounding.

                      And while Nowitzki might not be able to guard Paul Mokeski, Stay Puff Anthony couldn't guard Paul Reubens, Paul McCartney or Paul Sorvino.

                      We will take our chances with Darko developing and would be thrilled if he turns out to be the next Dirk. The guy has lived through war and been the butt of a national joke. HE IS ALREADY TOUGH!

                      <font color="green"> "Yeah, but you're still not going to beat the Kings or the Lakers. Trust me on this. And even if you do, you won't have the privilege of watching Melo in person for the next 15 years."
                      </font>
                      The last time we trusted you, we bet the over on the total number of games that the Wizards would win this year. And unless David Stern agrees to our suggestion of a 110-game season immediately, that cash is gone.

                      And what the hell is this crap about the privilege of watching Anthony? Oh, is that the same privilege that Atlanta Hawk fans had in watching Dominique Wilkins. We will take the championships, but thanks for thinking of us.

                      In the last year you have completely lost any basketball credibility that you had left. In the e-mail Simmons sent me a few months ago, he informed me that he was so busy with the Kimmel show that he barely had time to read the Boston Globe. Obviously watching the NBA or spending time crafting quality columns isn't on your agenda anymore either.

                      Hey Bill, are you even writing this crap or do you have an intern who you instruct to write a normal column but throw in a Hoosiers quote or Teen Wolf 2 mention, bash Darko, throw in a wrestling reset, mention Starbucks, reference your dad, pray to Bird, bitch about your wife/step-mom and criticize Billy Packer? Oh I forgot, you also have to throw in a joke about the day you will be running ESPN6.

                      If there is a formula, maybe you can start spawning clones. Kind of like Gallagher.

                      It should only be a matter of months before Kimmel is given the Chevy Chase treatment and the Sports Guy probably will crawl back to his Page 2 column on a full-time basis. I am just trying to figure out if that is a good or bad thing.

                      Comment

                      • mgoblue
                        Go Wings!
                        • Jul 2002
                        • 25477

                        #26
                        Re: More Darko-Melo

                        </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                        bigeastbumrush said:
                        </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                        mgoblue said:
                        Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...

                        <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                        Huh

                        Isn't that stating the obvious?

                        Melo didn't come into the league as a project. Now, if you're saying that the genius Larry Brown would've kept Melo on the bench in the same manner as Darko because his defense wasn't up to par, you've got to be kidding me.

                        If Detroit drafted Melo, Tayshaun Prince's situation would be basically the same as it is now- a role player. They would split time at SF and you could also move Melo to the 2 for stretches during a game.

                        Where's the conflict?

                        <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                        I don't wanna really get into it...we've all been here before...though that article above made me remember that Anthony doesn't really fit the Pistons stifling defense plans...Again, this Anthony vs. Darko discussion has been run into the ground enough, it needs to be dragged out back and shot
                        Nintendo Switch Friend Code: SW-7009-7102-8818

                        Comment

                        • mgoblue
                          Go Wings!
                          • Jul 2002
                          • 25477

                          #27
                          Re: More Darko-Melo

                          </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                          bigeastbumrush said:
                          </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                          mgoblue said:
                          Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...

                          <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                          Huh

                          Isn't that stating the obvious?

                          Melo didn't come into the league as a project. Now, if you're saying that the genius Larry Brown would've kept Melo on the bench in the same manner as Darko because his defense wasn't up to par, you've got to be kidding me.

                          If Detroit drafted Melo, Tayshaun Prince's situation would be basically the same as it is now- a role player. They would split time at SF and you could also move Melo to the 2 for stretches during a game.

                          Where's the conflict?

                          <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                          I don't wanna really get into it...we've all been here before...though that article above made me remember that Anthony doesn't really fit the Pistons stifling defense plans...Again, this Anthony vs. Darko discussion has been run into the ground enough, it needs to be dragged out back and shot
                          Nintendo Switch Friend Code: SW-7009-7102-8818

                          Comment

                          • mgoblue
                            Go Wings!
                            • Jul 2002
                            • 25477

                            #28
                            Re: More Darko-Melo

                            </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                            bigeastbumrush said:
                            </font><blockquote><font class="small">Quote:</font><hr />
                            mgoblue said:
                            Melo wouldn't have gotten as good as he is now by sitting on the bench...

                            <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                            Huh

                            Isn't that stating the obvious?

                            Melo didn't come into the league as a project. Now, if you're saying that the genius Larry Brown would've kept Melo on the bench in the same manner as Darko because his defense wasn't up to par, you've got to be kidding me.

                            If Detroit drafted Melo, Tayshaun Prince's situation would be basically the same as it is now- a role player. They would split time at SF and you could also move Melo to the 2 for stretches during a game.

                            Where's the conflict?

                            <hr /></blockquote><font class="post">

                            I don't wanna really get into it...we've all been here before...though that article above made me remember that Anthony doesn't really fit the Pistons stifling defense plans...Again, this Anthony vs. Darko discussion has been run into the ground enough, it needs to be dragged out back and shot
                            Nintendo Switch Friend Code: SW-7009-7102-8818

                            Comment

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