Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I really do appreciate your prayers, Scott. It has been tough, and now my ex wants to be involved with the girls more, which causes me some concern. I hate thinking about the influence she has, and I despise the jerk she married.

I think you might have to let her get involved more. She is still their mother. But you can be a little protective if you let them see her more. She is probably starting to realize what she did and is still blaming you. This guy is bad news no doubt, but this lady is still your girls mother. So just take caution.

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I think you might have to let her get involved more. She is still their mother. But you can be a little protective if you let them see her more. She is probably starting to realize what she did and is still blaming you. This guy is bad news no doubt, but this lady is still your girls mother. So just take caution.

Kids are smarter then you think. Trust me, sending them back to mom's will in turn bring them closer to you.

This exact same scenario happened with me and my brothers.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

It is still their mom, so I say you have to let them see her. But he needs to be protective too.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

When my mom and dad split. He told me one day he would tell me why. He never talked bad about my mom at all. Then one day when I was in my 30's. He told me why they split. It was my mom's fault. She didn't cheat on him, but she asked for the separation. It is a mistake she has regretted ever since.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

When my mom and dad split. He told me one day he would tell me why. He never talked bad about my mom at all. Then one day when I was in my 30's. He told me why they split. It was my mom's fault. She didn't cheat on him, but she asked for the separation. It is a mistake she has regretted ever since.

that was good of him. most couples use the kids and tell them too much. talking bad about the other parent etc. What does she regret? Did she not realize what she had?

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

that was good of him. most couples use the kids and tell them too much. talking bad about the other parent etc. What does she regret? Did she not realize what she had?

Asking him to leave. She is never happy, and always says that unless she buys something. For years that is what my dad had to put up with. But when my dad said no to my foster sister to come back and live with us, that was the last straw. So they started fighting a lot. She was druggie and he was afraid my brother would get hook on drugs, which he did. When she asked him to leave, he said he could stay down in the guess room. Or house was huge we had 6 bedroom and two of those were master suites, so he could have live in there, but she wanted him gone. And he left and never back and she cries about that to this day! She knows she ****ed up big time! So I try to confront her. I know my mom has some some issues, but it is still my mom.

[allBthere]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Scottadu:"I still say this is some depression stage she is going through and some day she will realize what she did and feel extremely guilty."

....

lol I probably misspelled your name, I should have just quoted...BUT

How can that help anybody, even knowing that. I've gone through something slightly similar to other's stories where I was in a very long relationship and was left and had my heart gutted. But I know she will eventually (if not already) feel that way, but it doesn't help ME. I'm like the OP and would RATHER go back in time and prevent it, rather than know she'll end up feeling like crap. In fact I won't get any satisfaction out of it, it may even just make me feel full of regret again. (although I won't know anyway because I've severed all the ties I can think of).

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Have you ever been in a very bad depression? I have it is bitch. I got on some bad meds and left my wife and my kid and my ministry. Yep, I was messed up big time. But lucky for me I came to my senses and got back with my wife. Still lost my ministry and my church. But that is OK, that happens. I did some bad things when I was gone from my wife. Now the meds were the biggest reasons, but depression ****s with you big time. This story sounds familiar. Wife is going through some depression and then finds this new guy that bring in some happiness even though it is a fake happiness, it doesn't matter. When you are depress, you go with what ever makes you happy.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Scottadu:"I still say this is some depression stage she is going through and some day she will realize what she did and feel extremely guilty."

....

lol I probably misspelled your name, I should have just quoted...BUT

How can that help anybody, even knowing that. I've gone through something slightly similar to other's stories where I was in a very long relationship and was left and had my heart gutted. But I know she will eventually (if not already) feel that way, but it doesn't help ME. I'm like the OP and would RATHER go back in time and prevent it, rather than know she'll end up feeling like crap. In fact I won't get any satisfaction out of it, it may even just make me feel full of regret again. (although I won't know anyway because I've severed all the ties I can think of).

Totally misread what you wrote. It doesn't help, but it is what I was talking about before with another poster in this post. She will realize what she did and she will feel guilty, it was not for Gary to read or to focus on. I am just saying what stages will happen. Now here is the kicker, even though he has this new woman. I have counseled hundreds of marriage in my 10 years as Pastor and I have also seen a lot of couple with similar stories get back together some time in their life time. So you never know. But I will say this if this was my wife and she did those things it would be tough to take her back, but if she was going through a depression and got on some bad meds. Then yes I would still take her back. I probably would take her back any ways though. I am not saying Gary should. He has to make that call on his on if she ever did come back.

[allBthere]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

Totally misread what you wrote. It doesn't help, but it is what I was talking about before with another poster in this post. She will realize what she did and she will feel guilty, it was not for Gary to read or to focus on. I am just saying what stages will happen. Now here is the kicker, even though he has this new woman. I have counseled hundreds of marriage in my 10 years as Pastor and I have also seen a lot of couple with similar stories get back together some time in their life time. So you never know. But I will say this if this was my wife and she did those things it would be tough to take her back, but if she was going through a depression and got on some bad meds. Then yes I would still take her back. I probably would take her back any ways though. I am not saying Gary should. He has to make that call on his on if she ever did come back.

I ask myself if I would take her back quite a bit and I just don't know. Leaning a bit towards no though, how could I? It's just so terrible it sucks this type of crap has to happen to anyone.
ugh,...I just try to get that stuff out of my head.

it is interesting though, like how does one reconcile that? In the event of getting back together and all that - doesn't change the fact that the mistake happened and will always be there.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I ask myself if I would take her back quite a bit and I just don't know. Leaning a bit towards no though, how could I? It's just so terrible it sucks this type of crap has to happen to anyone.
ugh,...I just try to get that stuff out of my head.

it is interesting though, like how does one reconcile that? In the event of getting back together and all that - doesn't change the fact that the mistake happened and will always be there.

It is not easy, first the person that had it happen too. Has to forgive first. Then you go from there. When I came back it was easier for my wife to forgive, because she knew it was the meds not me. And it was that is not excuse. Even the doctor said so. The meds they had me on where the wrong kind. I could have sue them too, but I didn't. It was a nurse practitioner that I was seeing for my depression. But in most cases you have to earn that trust again and it is not easy.

[longshadow11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

I won't take her back, but she won't ever come back. Even if her new marriage ends, she will never come back to me because she's incredibly hard headed and burned too many bridges. Besides, if I took her back, one night I would look at her, remember all she put my kids and me through, grab her by the neck and throw her out. I love her, but I'm done. I wrote her a long email right after she left telling her how much I love her and how we neede to stay together for the kids, and her only reply was "This is done." Every time I tried to talk sense into her, she always had a very short, cold reply. So to hell with her.

My new lady treats me with respect and makes me feel important. She throws herself at me sometimes, and I gotta say after years of being ignored, I feel attractive and confident again. I know not to derive my happiness from her, but she has shown me that I can be happy with her or someone else, and that I am worthy. I was already happy about myself in the other areas of my life, just not the woman stuff.

[USF11]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

My new lady treats me with respect and makes me feel important. She throws herself at me sometimes, and I gotta say after years of being ignored, I feel attractive and confident again. I know not to derive my happiness from her, but she has shown me that I can be happy with her or someone else, and that I am worthy. I was already happy about myself in the other areas of my life, just not the woman stuff.

If you don't want to answer this I understand. BUT, did you pick your Wife and pursue her? Or was it a relationship that just came together by circumstance and was fairly easy, and you had kids?

Women know when they aren't your first choice. Eventually this will push them away.

Even though its new and exciting with the new girl, you can tell by your posts that this is a women who is your 1st choice. Even though that doesn't guarantee anything.

[Nivek]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

If you don't want to answer this I understand. BUT, did you pick your Wife and pursue her? Or was it a relationship that just came together by circumstance and was fairly easy, and you had kids?

Women know when they aren't your first choice. Eventually this will push them away.

Even though its new and exciting with the new girl, you can tell by your posts that this is a women who is your 1st choice. Even though that doesn't guarantee anything.

I agree with this.

[Scottdau]

Re: Officially Divorced/Ex Already Remarried

If you don't want to answer this I understand. BUT, did you pick your Wife and pursue her? Or was it a relationship that just came together by circumstance and was fairly easy, and you had kids?

Women know when they aren't your first choice. Eventually this will push them away.

Even though its new and exciting with the new girl, you can tell by your posts that this is a women who is your 1st choice. Even though that doesn't guarantee anything.

I don't agree with half of the stuff you said in this thread, but I do with this one, very good point.