Re: Off Topic 2010
Bana? No, too short. Bananana? Damn.
Sort of is a harmless thing to say, it is like a filler, it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, it means everything. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to be okay" or "It's a boy!"
I went to a party one time and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket and I thought "That is cool." Later I saw a guy wearing a leather vest and though "That is not cool". Then I figured out, being cool is all about leather sleeves.
(I own leather sleeves)
There's a saying that goes "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Okay. How about "Nobody should throw stones." That's crappy behavior. My policy is: "No stone throwing regardless of housing situation." Don't do it. There is one exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, then throw it. What are you, an idiot? So maybe it's "Only people in glass houses should throw stones, provided they are trapped in the house with a stone." It's a little longer, but yeah.
I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "What are those?" "Those are orange... oranges." "And what are those?" "Ah, ****. Tall pointies? Are we going by shapes now?"
I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."
And finally:
Balloon animals I can make:
() - Worm
() - Snake
() - Eel
() - Dog that has been in some sort of accident
You guys probably know this by now, but I think Demetri Martin is the ****.
Bana? No, too short. Bananana? Damn.
Sort of is a harmless thing to say, it is like a filler, it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, it means everything. Like after "I love you" or "You're going to be okay" or "It's a boy!"
I went to a party one time and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket and I thought "That is cool." Later I saw a guy wearing a leather vest and though "That is not cool". Then I figured out, being cool is all about leather sleeves.
(I own leather sleeves)
There's a saying that goes "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." Okay. How about "Nobody should throw stones." That's crappy behavior. My policy is: "No stone throwing regardless of housing situation." Don't do it. There is one exception though. If you're trapped in a glass house, and you have a stone, then throw it. What are you, an idiot? So maybe it's "Only people in glass houses should throw stones, provided they are trapped in the house with a stone." It's a little longer, but yeah.
I think they named oranges before they named carrots. "What are those?" "Those are orange... oranges." "And what are those?" "Ah, ****. Tall pointies? Are we going by shapes now?"
I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So I lose." "Scissors cuts paper." "These are strips. This is not even paper. It's gonna take me forever to put this back together." "Paper covers rock." "Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks." There should be "Rock, Dynamite with a Cutable Wick, Scissors."
And finally:
Balloon animals I can make:
() - Worm
() - Snake
() - Eel
() - Dog that has been in some sort of accident
You guys probably know this by now, but I think Demetri Martin is the ****.
...
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