Billy Joe Killer: ~*13 Minutes Of Fame*~ (NHL 09 BAP/Story)

[Bolts_26]

Quote: Originally Posted by shinderhizzle84

fixed. it works now, bro.

Yup.

It looks fab now

[rocknrolla13]

excellent!......next section up tonight!

[shinderhizzle84]

Quote: Originally Posted by rocknrolla13

excellent!......next section up tonight!

nice. also, what's up with the part about the act 1, scene 1??

haha kind of weird....but whatever, it's your BAP.

[Bolts_26]

Quote: Originally Posted by shinderhizzle84

nice. also, what's up with the part about the act 1, scene 1?? haha kind of weird....but whatever, it's your BAP.

Nothing wrong with that...

[rocknrolla13]

keep it organized, keep it original (thats important for me)

and easier to refer to then saying 'i like the one, a few posts back with the dude doing the thing'
you can say 'i liked part 3'

and screw this, i cant wait...next one up soon! (i hope it doesnt screw up this time!)

[rocknrolla13]

PART TWO:
'Game Start'

*7:15pm*

Cars flood into the parking lot, and people flow into the building. They swarm the lobby, washrooms, and food counters. We hear them talking about some trophies and some photos. Any three of them could be the ones.
‘So, how do guys feel about the scouts out there tonight?’ Kristy asked us. She was one of three female friends we were talking with.
‘Little stressed’ Cody replied. I nodded in agreement.
‘Oh, would you like me to massage your muscles? It helps you relax’ Kristy always was into Cody.
‘No thank you’ He said with a smile.
Hayley was kind of new to the group; this was the first game she was going to see us play. She had brown hair, usually straight, and was dressed in a short jean skirt, halfway down her thigh. She always had a more of a Punk kind of style.
‘So what are your numbers again?’ She asked.
‘Nine’ Cody said.
‘..Thirteen’ I replied after swallowing a big gulp of an energy drink.
‘Alright. Thanks. Now I can track you guys out on the ice.’ She said, looking in my eyes.
I pulled off my hooded sweater I was wearing and handed it to her.
‘Use that if you get cold. If you’re not skating, it’s freezing in there’
‘I have a sweater’ She said, holding it out to me to take back.
‘I know’ I pushed it to her. ‘I meant as a blanket, for your legs’ I looked down at the bare space between her thigh and her ankles.
So does she. ‘Oh. Thanks.’
‘Anytime’
Cody crushes his can of coke and tosses it in the trash behind him. ‘We should get dressed, bro’
‘Yeah man.’ I look at my half-full can of Monster Energy Drink. ‘Want it?’ I ask the girls.
They all scrunched their noses in disgust and protest. Except Hayley. She grabbed it from my hand ‘Sure. Good luck’
‘Thanks’
We walk into the locker room and grab our stuff from our bags. We talk about how Kristy is constantly hitting on him. Then he turns the tables and starts talking about me an d Hayley. Then the rest of the guys come in and the topic changes to: What the hell is going to happen tonight?

*8:00pm*

The music blares out and the teams hit the ice. And looky over there. Middle of the ride side of the rink, three guys, black suits, ties, briefcases chatting with the ref. The scouts have been scouted.

[shinderhizzle84]

nice update, bro. One word of suggestion, though:

whenever you have a new paragraph or line break or when there's a conversation going, make sure you use two spaces and not one. It makes it easier to read, and also makes it look a little longer :P

Other than that, I really like it! Also, what's up with drinking monster before the game? you're going to stink out there after the 1st period!!!

[Bolts_26]

Nice update!!

hope your first game goes well!!