First off I want to say I would love to have actual position coaches, real drills in practice and a "work ethic" rating. All of that is completely realistic and should be added as soon as possible be it Madden 14 or Next Gen.
I would also like to see film study in there to improve awareness and technique ratings. Have it like NCAA does with scouting, you get so many minutes of film study per week and how effective it is is based on a player rating and that position coaches rating.
As for doling out XP I also agree that what a guy earns should be what a guy gets. If Brady gets 9000 XP it should have to be used on Brady and not an OL. If you want your backups to get better then play them more and use the practice feature.
As for your "very arcade" comment I have to disagree. Go back and play Madden 94, that was arcade. NFL Blitz is "very arcade." Over the years Madden and NCAA have done a lot to become even more realistic even with the issues that they've had.
Would competition from 2K make things better, most likely but that's off the table for right now. These games will always be "arcade" on some level because they are just that, arcade games. But saying "very arcade" is an overstatement.