12-28-2012, 05:37 PM
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#1
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Rookie
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Transcribed EA Executive/Developer Meeting
Hmm....
EA Exec: Ok, next up Madden. Now as you know we're having a tough year. Consumers are complaining that we don't care about them, sales are down and we need to show we've got what it takes to compete in the marketplace against, well, nobody since instead of giving a damn we just bought everyone out with the NFL license.
Madden Dev: Sir, what if we sell the same product we did last year, punish people who buy the game used by charging extra for online play, and radically change the game by taking features that were already well-established and make them into new confusing ones nobody will understand!
Exec: Go on...
Dev: See we had great features like owner mode and a promising superstar mode which could have turned into 2K's My Player. Instead of further innovating them let's scrap everything, build a less-robust more confusing version call Connected Careers!
Exec: So we will do less work and make the same amount of money?
Dev: By nickel and diming our customers we will take their money and not have to do as much work! No draft classes, no owner mode, and absolutely no new innovations that weren't at least in the game in some form pre-2006 by a different name! Remember when we added hit stick one year and the next we added the highlight stick?
Exec: I thought you could always juke and use other moves?
Dev: You could! We just mapped the buttons differently, added no player-specific moves to make it worthwhile and marketed it as a new feature.
Exec: So we don't have to spend money doing anything and I just hand it off to marketing? Keep it up!
Dev: Exactly!
Exec: But, what about gameplay? We have to appear as authentic as possible without going too overboard.
Dev: Well you're in luck we've created an Infinity Engine to power the game! It makes players look like rag dolls, creates dozens of unrealistic plays during the game and appears as though it was tested by a gaggle of apes! RG3 looks like a crash test dummy for an 18-wheeler, the kids will love it!
Exwc: Tremendous! What about the layout and presentation? Lord knows we spent so much for ESPN years ago and we can't afford to actually spend time to add meaningful game stories, new features or ESPN personalities to enhance the game. That would cost too much money.
Dev: Well have I got great news for you. We decided to make the menus clunky, confusing and slow.
Exec: So far so good...
Dev: It has no pattern and features are hidden behind layers of convoluted fluff.
Exec: I'm liking it...
Dev: Finally, we added Jim Nantz and Phil Simms! Which would make sense if we also added the CBS personalities and broadcast packages, but we didn't! Additionally, we've opted not to use any ESPN features like SportsCenter, NFL Live, Sportsnation, or any of that worthwhile programming which might seem interesting to the user.
Exec: But, did you at least add Twitter?
Dev: We did! But we made sure it was the same recycled tweets and just used it as a way so athletes, media personalities and others could say they were in the game and therefore subliminally promoting Madden! #YouGotDuped
Exec: #LOL #BieberInMadden???
Dev: #NeverSayNever!!!!
Exec: But what about Madden 14? What's in store to keep our bottom line intact?
Dev: I've got a great new feature we're working on. It's taken 6 years to master and test, the fans HATE it and it's completely illogical if you actually watched or cared about the NFL!
Exec: Well what is it!
Dev: Vision Inverted Triangle Thingy!
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