Joke Thread

[bsb13]

Last month I blew $5,000 on a reincarnation seminar. I figured, hey, you only live once.

[dieselboy]

I liked the Clinton one.

Where is Clay? He is Mr. Jokes.

[rudyjuly2]

A journalist from New York decided to write a story about small town rural life in the south. He traveled to a small town in the south in search of a story and found a man willing to provide him with information.

The journalist asked the man to tell him his favorite story or memory growing up. The man responded, “One time, a neighbor’s goat got lost in the woods. So he rounded up a posse, we all got drunk and when we found the goat we had sex with it in every possible way before stumbling home. Man that was a good time”.

The journalist said, “That’s disgusting. I can’t use that. Please tell me your second favorite story or memory growing up.”
The man responded, “One time, a neighbor’s daughter got lost in the woods. So he rounded up a posse, we all got drunk and when we found the daughter we had sex with her in every possible way before stumbling home. Man that was a good time”.

The journalist said, “That’s terrible too. I can’t use that. Let’s try something different. Please tell me your worst memory growing up.”
The man responded, “One time, I got lost in the woods…”

[WTF]

:y4: That was funny...

[Pete1210]

Europeans Increase Security As Much As They Can

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to the terrorist threat and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

[Pete1210]

The one with the goat just reminded me of this one:

A door to door salesman is making his rounds during the day. He goes up to his next house, knocks on the door and a boy answers. The salesman asks if his mother is home and the boy replies matter of factly: "Sorry, but she's busy out in the backyard having sex with our goat." The salesman says, "And you aren't bothered by this?" The boy replies, "Naaaaaaaahh, naaaaaaaah."

[CaliBuck]

Quote: Originally Posted by Macar91

Q: Thee gay guys walk into a bar and there is only one stool. What do they do? A: Flip it over.

Just sick man, just sick, haha..

[elprez98]

Quote: Originally Posted by Macar91

Q: Thee gay guys walk into a bar and there is only one stool. What do they do? A: Flip it over.

I saw this when it was posted and I just got it 2 seconds ago.