Plotty's Aspirations of a Arm-Chair Golfer

[PlottyDawg]

April 5, 2009 – 9:00 pm China time

I placed in the Top 20, the damn Top 20! Who would have thought that coming to this dump! Mathias exclaimed as he, Johnson and Nineteen walked out of Tso Tso’s Restaurant. But I made just $120. That’s kind of a bummer. But yet I can say I played very, very well….especially my final round.

Dude, you played out of your mind that last round, Johnson said, the only tough hole for you was number 11 with that double bogey. But I’d have to say shooting 71 and earning low round for the final round is a fine feather in your cap. You went out in 34 – that’s two under. Now I just wish you wouldn’t have bombed the first two rounds with 79-78. You’d been in contention to probably win.

Nineteen added, Yeah dude, you played good golf all weekend. You showed some serious mettle after the 79-78 start. Even the third round when you shot 76 was good – because you had a lot of awesome shots when you were short of the green. Your short game has exponentially improved the past few weeks. Seshuan is not a very easy course, and you played very well.

However, Johnson interrupted; we have some dealings with ESPN and Mr. Van Pelt.

That douschebag, what the hell does he want?

It’s not what he wants, ESPN and the PGA Tour want you to sit out the next event as “punishment” for being Van Pelt’s ***. They also want a formal apology made to the public when you return to the U.S.

Which is….

The Earth Day Invite at Torrey Pines. It’s a one-dayer.

Meh, sure, I guess. Then the next one is the European Shootout at St. Andrews. I was hoping I could sit on the Torrey Pines one just to prepare for St. Andrews. I really feel after shooting under par at this place, I can win at St. Andrews.

We think so too. St. Andrews, for as majestic as it is, will play to your hand because of the huge fairways and equally as large greens. Just keep knocking them down the fairway, use a bit more club on approach, putt straight, and you’ve got it.

I wish it was THAT easy….

Shanghai Classic - April 2-5, 2009

Hole	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	OUT	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	IN	Total
Length	459	550	362	200	459	200	346	603	466	3645	401	435	217	430	563	487	288	191	538	3550	7195
Par	4	5	4	3	4	3	4	5	4	36	4	4	3	4	5	4	4	3	5	36	72
Rd 1	5	5	5	4	4	4	4	6	5	42	4	3	5	4	5	5	3	3	5	37	79
Rd 2	4	5	4	3	5	3	4	5	5	38	4	5	5	4	5	5	3	5	4	40	78
Rd 3	5	4	3	4	4	2	4	6	4	36	4	5	3	6	4	4	3	4	7	40	76
Rd 4	4	4	4	3	4	4	4	4	3	34	4	6	3	5	5	4	4	2	4	37	71

[OliDegu2008]

Still looking good!!! Keep it coming Plotty.

[PlottyDawg]

April 26, 2009 – 12 midnight

Hic! Hic! Hahahhahaha BJ you are such a dip****, Mathias stammered as he and BJ stumbled out of Merle’s Pub. Both he and BJ had drunk like the fishes from Merle’s “secret” tonic bottle.

Dude, you are sofaking wasted! You know you have miles upon miles to run when we get back to Nelaska, right, BJ asked.

You won’t even remember what the hell we did or drank tonight man, Mathias said, you want to run naked through the countryside?

Are you gay or are you gay?

No, I think my landlord wants me. She’s smoking dude. Problem is, she has saggy tits and is 38.

Dude, a piece of *** is a piece of ***. Speaking of ***, did you see that donkey? Johnson pointed at a fat donkey a few paces away from the pub. I dare you to smack it on the *** and run away.

If I do that and make it without it kicking my ***, I don’t have to run the miles. Deal?

Ok, deal.

Mathias walked quietly up to the donkey. The donkey stood there, chomping on a blade of grass. Mathias wound up his left arm – he didn’t want to hit the donkey with his right in fear of losing out on the season because of injury. He then smacked the donkey with a velocity only Chuck Yeager would had been proud of.

Eeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooonnk! The donkey reared up his back hooves and kicked. Its hooves struck Mathias in the left thigh, dropping Mathias to the ground briefly. Mathias bounced back up and ran to Johnson for safety.

Will you please run! I’ve done gone and pissed him off! And I win, he may have kicked me, but he didn’t kick my ***! Now run!

Mathias and Johnson took off into the dark night, out-running the massive donkey.

---

Well, that was fun, Mathias said as they staggered into their hotel room.

But this tournament wasn’t, Johnson replied. Sure you hit fairways. Other times you were shanking right into the rough or bunkers. The last couple rounds you hit irons that weren’t even close to the hole. You left yourself with 50, 60, 70, even 80 foot putts. And then you putting…that’s literally a crapshoot. There’s no skill involved, you just shoot to hope to get close. Instead, you knock it 8 feet past. Then you miss that putt by a few feet, three-putt the hole and either par, bogey, or score worse on the hole. We have to shore up the putting game before the Minnesota Open at Hazeltine. Their greens will eat you alive. However, you had some awesome shots, especially from off the green. You nailed your first par 4 in one – that’s the andro kicking in finally. We’re coming along – we’ll be there by the time Q School comes around.

European Shootout - April 23-26, 2009

Hole	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	OUT	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	IN	Total
Length	376	411	370	419	514	374	359	166	347	3336	340	174	316	418	530	414	381	455	357	3385	6721
Par	4	4	4	4	5	4	4	3	4	36	4	3	4	4	5	4	4	4	4	36	72
Rd 1	3	3	3	4	4	6	3	4	4	34	2	3	5	4	4	4	4	5	5	36	70
Rd 2	3	4	5	4	4	5	4	3	4	36	5	5	3	4	5	4	4	4	4	38	74
Rd 3	5	4	4	4	4	4	5	3	2	35	4	3	4	4	4	4	5	4	4	36	71
Rd 4	3	3	4	6	4	5	5	3	3	36	5	2	4	4	4	5	4	5	4	37	73
																					288

[PlottyDawg]

Platzek Shines in Round 2
Rookie Shoots 68, Only Four Back of Leaders.

Nelaskan Mathias Platzek has his house and his livelihood on the line. After the second round of the Minnesota Open, he might be able to buy a bigger house.

Platzek, who has mightily struggled with his game as a rookie on the PGA Tour, blistered Hazeltine to a low back nine of 31, en route to a solid 68. He trails the Minnesota Open by four strokes over Brian Gay.

Platzek started off Friday's round with a subdued 37 front nine. Bogies on holes two and seven left Platzek in a mess.

"The front nine was not very good. I chunked drives, missed putts - I flat out stunk the front nine," Platzek said.

The back nine, Platzek kicked into high gear. He notched five birdies, including an amazing one on the tough, 242 yard par 3 13th.

"I made bird here yesterday - that's an oath for someone to become a real good golfer. To do it two in a row, I'm happier than a teenager in a porn store."

Platzek closed out his second round birdie-par-par-birdie to nail down the 68, his first score under 70.

"Yesterday I felt I could play well. I knocked some shots really close and hit some solid putts. I'm in this thing, surprise to me."

[PlottyDawg]

May 31, 2009 – 8:30 pm

Mathias sobbed as he and Johnson walked down the street towards the Metrodome. Mathias’ favorite baseball team, the Royals were in town and doing very well. He wanted to catch the Sunday night game as a way to escape golf.

I was in contention after that 68, Mathias said, shedding tears, but then I had to go and blow the whole damn thing up with my crappy driving accuracy and crappier putting. The damn local newspaper shouldn’t have run that article.

That’s what the PGA Tour is all about, Johnson said, you have to be able to respond to that kind of pressure. You cannot blame the media for this latest setback. If you look at your eight 9-hole scores, even the first 9 after the article came out you shot under par. But after that, 40, 37 and 38. Those kind of scores will ruin any momentum. You should embrace the opportunity. But, again, you have nothing to be down on yourself about. You did well here. This is a LONG course, and you were able to escape some very tough areas. You made $120, which puts you how much behind now from buying the house back?

About $600, Mathias replied, which means I’d have to….finish in the Top Two at the next tournament. ****.

Well, you know what has to be done then. You have to go to TPC Boston – the New England Challenge and have the weekend of your life. Now remember, golfers will respond to what you shoot. You play poorly, they will come to you. If you turn the tables on them, however, you could find yourself in contention. You just have to play the basics, tee to green. If you get in trouble, don’t panic, play out of it and move on. And the putting is coming along, minus a couple screwups….

First Round, number ten. That was a nightmare. I felt like a tool.

But you have to just suck it up and move on. Like your Royals. Sure, they lose more than they win, but they suck it up and move on. The memory is empty. Just move on to the next shot. But for right now, we need to get inside. First pitch was 10 minutes ago.

Minnesota Open - May 28-31, 2009

Hole	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	OUT	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	IN	Total
Length	490	431	633	210	448	405	572	176	432	3797	452	606	518	248	352	642	402	182	475	3877	7674
Par	4	4	5	3	4	4	5	3	4	36	4	5	4	3	4	5	4	3	4	36	72
Rd 1	5	4	6	3	4	4	4	2	2	34	7	5	4	2	3	6	4	3	3	37	71
Rd 2	4	5	5	2	4	4	6	3	4	37	3	4	4	2	4	4	4	3	3	31	68
Rd 3	4	4	5	3	3	4	5	2	3	33	4	5	4	3	6	5	5	5	4	41	74
Rd 4	4	4	5	3	4	4	6	3	4	37	4	5	7	3	4	5	4	3	3	38	75
																					288

[PlottyDawg]

Rookie Fires "Round of His Life"
Leads By One Heading to Sunday.

Mathias Platzek hoped he didn't make the cut after Friday's round. He shot an 80, which left the rookie from Bellevue, Nelaska dazed and dejected.

Good thing PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem has Platzek on an "infinite" no-cut policy to promote development of younger, first time players.

Platzek attacked the TPC at Boston Saturday morning with a ferocity and vigor that left the field aghast. His posted score of 60, which broke the record of 61 set by Mike Weir last year, stunned and silenced the field, which digressed. His round of 60 sling shotted him past the entire field into the lead at five-under-par, 1 stroke over four golfers heading into Sunday's final round.

When asked about the round, Platzek knew he had it in him.

"I felt that a breakout round was somewhere over the rainbow. I guess the rainbow finally came. This definitely is the round of my life," Platzek said.

Platzek, the first to tee off for the third round, came out firing on any and all flag sticks. He posted eagle-birdie-birdie on his first three holes, and made the turn at 29.

"I knew I had something special going on. But BJ (caddie) told me to calm the [sic] down because I had nine more holes to play. Nine holes that kicked my butt yesterday."

Platzek worked the back nine masterfully, coming in in 31 to lock down his lifetime round of 60.

Now the question is: can Platzek hold the lead?

"I guess we shall see," Platzek said with a smirk.

Notes: The rain began to fall as Platzek finished his round. It welcomed him on the 17th hole, making the greens very slow. Platzek finished his round unfazed, shooting par-birdie. The forecast for Sunday's final round includes a 90% chance of intermittent rain.

[PlottyDawg]

Jobe Fights Elements, Wins Challenge
Rain, Mental Anguish Costs Rookie.


Dissapointment: Mathias Platzek reacts to a missed putt on the 18th hole during Sunday's final round.

Brandt Jobe shot a 1-under par 71 to hang on and win the New England Challenge by one shot over PGA Tour rookie Mathias Platzek.

Jobe was able to fight off the steady rain that plagued many golfers during their final round and hang on. Platzek had a chance to force a playoff, but missed a 45-foot putt on the 18th hole.

"The irons and drives were there," Platzek said, "but the putts didn't fall today. I didn't have touch that I had yesterday. Yesterday the hole was a big as a beach ball. Today it was pinpoint. But this weekend was a career-best for me, and hope things continue to work for me."

Platzek went out in 38, nine shots more than his sparkling third round of 29. He bogied holes one and five and never really came close to knocking shots at the stick.

The final nine were better, as Platzek finished in 35. A clutch birdie on the 231-yard, par-3 11th put Platzek back in contention. Another birdie on the 451-yard, par-4 13th briefly gave Platzek the lead again at five-under, but an errant tee shot on the 17th hole was Platzek's fatal flaw.

""I guess these are the lessons golf teach. Tough ones," Platzek said, "I'll be back."

[PlottyDawg]

June 7, 2009 – 5:30 pm

Wow, what a weekend, Mathias said, This has to be the most exciting weekend I’d ever had since when my landlord attempted to give me a lap dance.
What?! Johnson replied with a smidgeon of interest.

Yeah, Courtney tried to get me hot and bothered by showcasing her dance moves. I’d have to say she has it going on. And now I have enough money to keep my house! Whoo-hoo!

So are you done playing golf then? Johnson asked.

Hell, no. I’m too involved with this game to quit now. My God, I shot 60 yesterday. Sixty! And I was in the final group of a major tournament, with a chance to win the whole thing. I’m not quitting now. No way. I’m feeling good about my game. I really helped out my confidence this weekend. I really can be a player on the tour. And you’ve been the the guy that’s been by me through the ****ty times. God, it seems like yesterday when I shot 80….

Hey, assmunch, you did Friday, Nineteen punched in.

When can you get rid of that douschebag? He has been the real pessimistic *** ever since I’ve started.

He’s my right hand man. He schedules all the tournaments you play in.

No he doesn’t. I already have a waiver to play in every tournament. He hasn’t done a damn thing for me.

Shush now, its time for the awards ceremony.

--

Mathias, Johnson and Nineteen stood on the 18th green at the TPC Boston. Just a short time ago Mathias botched his chance of forcing a playoff with Brandt Jobe by missing a 45-foot putt by merely inches. Jobe shook hands with the tournament director and held up the New England Challenge trophy.

Should had been mine, Mathias uttered under his breath.

Yeah, so do something about it next time,” BJ replied.

Jobe accepted his minute but large check of 1,200 dollars and made a bee-line towards the threesome. He reached out his hand to Mathias’ hand, and the two shook hands.

Good playing out there, Jobe said, you’re story of being out here, playing for your house is heartwarming. Pretty damn cool. You got more guts than I do picking up a game that takes years to perfect. In a way, I’m kind of envious of you. Because you sort of make our game look bad.

Yeah, I guess so, Mathias replied.

Sucks about the putt. I would have made that. It was easy, I seen it. And your swing is….well, weird.

Sure yeah, since you’ve been around for a while. But why are you smacking on my game for. If you’re gonna be like that, you just might want to walk away now.

Yeah, I suppose. I know you can’t handle pressure. I heard about Van Pelt being straight with you, and you snapped.

Sure did. Want some of this? I know I’d beat your ***. Johnson stepped in between the two, whispering something in Mathias’ ear.

But I’ll just save it for the course. Match play. It’ll be fun beating your *** head-to-head.

Whatever rookie. Jobe walked away, strutting his *** like a stuck-up prick.

God he’s a dick, Mathias said, Lucky you were here, dude. I would have dropped him like a 50-cent hooker.

Bah, he’s always like that, Johnson replied, and now since he won a title he thinks he’s king ****. I can’t wait for you to play him head-to-head.

So, now what’s next, Mathias asked.

Three tourneys in July. The Fourth of July meet at Wolf Creek, Florida Classic at Bay Hill, then a trip to South Africa for the Gary Player Invitational. All three will be tough, but you’re playing good right now. Things are going you way. I’d bet that you’ll win one of these three.

I can only hope, especially after coming so close here….

New England Challenge - June 4-7, 2009

Hole	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	OUT	10	11	12	13	14	15	16	17	18	IN	Total
Length	365	554	184	298	465	465	600	213	472	3616	423	231	461	451	495	426	161	472	528	3648	7264
Par	4	5	3	4	4	4	5	3	4	36	4	3	4	4	5	4	3	4	5	36	72
Rd 1	3	6	3	4	5	4	6	4	4	39	4	2	4	4	3	4	3	4	4	32	71
Rd 2	4	5	3	4	4	6	5	5	3	39	6	4	4	4	6	4	3	4	6	41	80
Rd 3	2	3	2	3	3	4	5	3	4	29	3	3	3	4	4	3	2	4	5	31	60
Rd 4	5	5	3	4	4	5	5	3	4	38	4	2	4	3	5	4	3	5	5	35	73
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