No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-03-2010, 03:48 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Untitled Document

Updated: August 12th, 2010, 11:18 AM ET

Tom Brady lost for season

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Associated Press

FOXBORO, MA -- For the second time in two years, Tom Brady is badly injured.

Image cropped to remove graphic lower extremity bone breakage

The latest injury happened in the 1st quarter of a pre-season game against the Falcons in Atlanta. Brady took a devasting hit from two blitzing defenders. Although details on the injury have not been fully released, it is believe that multiple compound fractures are involved. The injury is potentially career threatening.

"I've been around football for a long time." says former Washington Redskin quarterback Joe Theismann, who was working the broadcast for the NFL Network. "This injury makes what Lawrence Taylor did to me look like a high ankle sprain. I vomited all over Matt Millen the moment it happened. Brought back a lot of bad memories. I just hope he can make a speedy recovery."

The injury was initially treated at the Georgia Dome by team doctors, but reconstructive surgery could happen as early as today. "We've already geared up production. This will be a big order." said Toby Hinkerling, president of Titanium Rods, Screws and Bolts Manufacturing Incorporated. "Some of our guys are going to earn some good overtime pay making the parts for Tom's new lower legs."

The Patriots have annonced the signing of former Buffalo Bills quarterback Trent Edwards and San Diego cast-off Jonathan Crompton to compete for the new opening at quarterback. The only other quarterback on the roster is 2nd year man Brian Hoyer.

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-03-2010, 03:50 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Untitled Document

Updated: October 6th, 2010, 1:43 PM ET

Moss not happy in New England

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Associated Press

FOXBORO, MA -- In the final year of his contract with New England and Tom Brady likely to retire due to injury, Randy Moss is back to his old fashioned malcontent ways.

Randy Moss

"Randy Moss just has to do what is right for Randy Moss and Randy Moss's family. If that means Randy Moss is no longer Randy Moss in New England, then that's what Randy Moss has to make happen for Randy Moss." said the disgruntled wide reciever. Sources have confirmed that he broke the world record for "Most times referring to oneself in the third person in a single statement". The record was formerly held my LeBron James of the NBA's Miami Heat.

The Patriots have struggled so far this season without Brady and playing with a defense that has been suspect at times. Their only victory has come against the lowly Buffalo Bills in week three. Currently sitting at 1-3 with multiple tough opponents still left on the schedule, many around the league wonder if it's time for the Pats to consider a rebuilding project that doesn't include Moss. He has seemed uninterested in many snaps, clearly not running precise routes or blocking well on rushing plays.

"When they call my number, I don't even bother running 10 yards past the line [of scrimmage], none of our quarterbacks can make that [expletive] throw anyways." says Moss. He may have a point, New England is near the bottom of the league in offense. They have played all three quarterbacks on the roster, but none has been particularly effective. Through four games, Moss has only 13 catches for 101 yards and no scores.

Sources close to the Patriots front office confirm the team is actively shopping the Pro-Bowl reciever. Resigning him or slapping him with the franchise tag doesn't seem an option, as Moss clearly does not seem interested in any rebuilding years in Boston. New England would look to stockpile some draft picks for the upcoming draft, but Moss could be alienating potential trade suitors with his big mouth.

"[Expletive] that! Teams around this league know what Randy Moss can do when Randy Moss wants to do Randy Moss things. Somebody will very glad they added Randy Moss to their roster and have him do Randy Moss things and make Randy Moss plays that only Randy Moss can make Randy Moss." said Moss, shattering the world record he had set only 90 seconds earlier.

Other Notes

Long-time Patriot running back Kevin Faulk announced his retirement after suffering a knee injury in the week 4 loss to the Dolphins.

"A drumstick from KFC has more cartilage then my knees. I'm really, really horrifically old for a running back. It's time to hang it up. I look forward to hobbling after my kids on my ravaged legs for the next ten years." said Faulk. The team has signed veteran running back Willie Parker to replace Faulk's spot on the roster. Terms were not disclosed, but Parker's deal was believed to be a two-year contract. Pending a physical, he will be available to suit up after the upcoming bye week.

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-03-2010, 03:51 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Untitled Document

Updated: October 10th, 2010, 8:17 PM ET

Moss traded, Jones signed

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Associated Press

FOXBORO, MA -- Randy Moss is no longer a New England Patriot. The disgruntled star WR was shipped to the Atlanta Falcons this afternoon for Altanta's 4th and 6th round picks in the upcoming NFL draft. Moss has been a malcontent since Tom Brady suffered a season ending injury in the pre-season. The Patriots have struggled on both sides of the ball and it appears a rebuilding project is under way. New England was hoping to get a 3rd round choice for Moss, but concerns about his age, attitude and expiring contract left most teams uninterested. The Falcons are tied for the NFC South lead and look interesting in making a run now. Both starting receivers Roddy White and Michael Jenkins have been battling injuries. White is now healthy, but Jenkins will miss the remainder of the regular season with a torn quadricep.

The Patriots have signed former Jacksonville Jaguar wide reciever Matt Jones to a one-year contact. Jones has not played in a regular season NFL game since the 2008 season following a number of drug related incidents off the field.

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-03-2010, 03:52 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Untitled Document

Updated: December 29th, 2010, 3:38 PM ET

Tom Brady announces retirement

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Associated Press

FOXBORO, MA -- Ever since the devastating injury this preseason, the writing was on the wall. Tom Brady was most likely never going to take another NFL snap. Today he made it official.

Brady to write book, join E! channel

"I had a great run, won championships, accomplished everything I wanted to on the football field. It was a dream come true, but now it's time to move on." said Brady at today's press conference.

The Patriots have stuggled mightily this season. Brady went down with injury, Randy Moss whined his way to Atlanta via a trade. Nothing has looked good during this 5-10 trainwreck of a season. Only a meaningless game against the Dolphins is left before the players can clean out their lockers.

"I feel bad for those guys in the locker room, they are a tough group. They will bounce back." stated Brady. His plans for retirement include a probable book deal, hosting his own fashion show on the E! Network and spending time with his family. "I'm going to relax for awhile, hang out with my kids. Even that one I had after I knocked up my girlfriend and left her for a supermodel."

Brady's retirement will clear a large chunk of cap space for his former team, who will be looking to rebuild starting with this year's free agency and amateur draft. Brady and Patriots organization have reached an injury settlement, which includes returning some of the signing bonus money from his last contract extention. Both sides agreed that the money will be used to setup a charity to purchase hair styling products for under priviledged kids.

**bichettehappens** · 10-03-2010, 03:58 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Liking the creative angle, reminds me of the "George Steinbrenner dies, new owner wants to run the Yankees like a low budget team" idea I had... before he died a week later

Anyways, following this for sure

Also, digging the layout of course hahaha

**bryanjayyy** · 10-03-2010, 04:12 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Good ****, haha. Love the Randy Moss quotes and it reminded me of that Family Guy episode with "moose stuff"

Randy Moss will do Randy Moss stuff. What's Randy Moss stuff. Well I can catch a 45 yard touchdown pass or have sex with ya and everything in between. < /failedfamilyguyjoke>

anyway good stuff ill be following

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-03-2010, 04:16 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Originally posted by bichettehappens

Liking the creative angle, reminds me of the "George Steinbrenner dies, new owner wants to run the Yankees like a low budget team" idea I had... before he died a week later

Anyways, following this for sure

Also, digging the layout of course hahaha

You killed Steinbrenner with your franchise idea!

(But I kid old man George... may he rest in peace.)

And yes, your Bills franchise layout was a big influence on how I will make things look. I'm not very good at html, so it took me a while to figure out everything... but I am happy so far.

Between my job, my wife and my kids.. it will probably be a few days before I can get to the draft... But I'm looking forward to it.

**bichettehappens** · 10-03-2010, 07:53 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Originally posted by Nunyerbiz

And yes, your Bills franchise layout was a big influence on how I will make things look. I'm not very good at html, so it took me a while to figure out everything... but I am happy so far.

Yeah I'm learning it as I go as well haha, it's been a good time killer at work though.

Looking forward to seeing what moves you make this offseason

**thecub** · 10-03-2010, 08:03 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

I like this so far.
(I hate the Patriots) haha

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-04-2010, 09:45 AM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Originally posted by bryanjayyy

Good ****, haha. Love the Randy Moss quotes and it reminded me of that Family Guy episode with "moose stuff"

Randy Moss will do Randy Moss stuff. What's Randy Moss stuff. Well I can catch a 45 yard touchdown pass or have sex with ya and everything in between. < /failedfamilyguyjoke>

anyway good stuff ill be following

Thanks man! The first thing that popped into my head after I decided on the "Brady forced to retire" angle was having Moss go off the deep end and return to the crazy old "me! me! me! it's all about me!" Randy Moss from 3-4 years ago.

Originally posted by thecub

I like this so far.
(I hate the Patriots) haha

Heh... My intention isn't to bash on the Patriots. I'm a lowly Detroit Lions fan, so I have no right to bash on anybody... cept maybe the Browns. God hates Cleveland.

I'm just trying to have some fun... and Moss / Brady seemed like easy targets... and the team isn't all that great when you take those two away, so hopefully I'll have a decent rebuilding angle.

As far as the off season, man this is going to be an undertaking. I didn't think managing all 32 teams would be that huge of deal, I assumed that the CPU could be trusted to sim certain aspects here and there... but that doesn't appear to be the case. JaMarcus crocked off his *** on drank would do a better job of resigning guys.

So, I'm manually doing all the resignings and releases for every team. I am just trying to use common sense for the most part, any decent starter under the age of 30 with a B potential or higher, I'm trying to keep on their original team. There will be some exceptions here and there depending on contract demands. Occasionally a team will overpay for a veteran or refuse to pay for a promising young backup. As I'm doing that, I'm making a "top 10 needs" list for each team that I will use during free agency and the draft.

The "top 10 needs" list will be my basis for draft day trades as well. If a team is on the clock, but they would have to reach to get a position of need, they might look to trade down. If a team really needs a certain position, but knows that a rival team needs it to, they might try to trade up. I'm not going to go too crazy with draft day moves, but I want something a little more dynamic than just letting the CPU simulate everything but New England. We'll see if it's worth the effort. I have a feeling a lot of spreadsheets will be clogging my laptop. Hopefully my NFL Draft extravaganza will be ready in a few days.

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-06-2010, 10:48 AM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

NFL Standings - 2010 Season

AFC East	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Jets	8	8	0			267	260
Bills	6	10	0			269	311
Dolphins	6	10	0			244	301
Patriots	6	10	0			289	348
AFC North	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Ravens	12	4	0			313	287
Steelers	10	6	0			322	277
Browns	8	8	0			317	321
Bengals	5	11	0			297	367
AFC South	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Colts	12	4	0			416	302
Jaguars	10	6	0			353	295
Texans	9	7	0			302	310
Titans	6	10	0			332	346
AFC West	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Broncos	10	6	0			332	316
Chargers	10	6	0			312	301
Chiefs	7	9	0			302	343
Raiders	7	9	0			280	338
NFC East	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Redskins	9	7	0			332	273
Giants	7	9	0			299	356
Cowboys	7	9	0			300	279
Eagles	6	10	0			297	353
NFC North	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Bears	10	6	0			359	261
Vikings	8	8	0			332	294
Lions	8	8	0			275	330
Packers	7	9	0			333	325
NFC South	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
Saints	10	6	0			390	339
Falcons	8	8	0			348	306
Panthers	7	9	0			294	276
Bucs	6	10	0			263	310
NFC West	W	L	T	PCT	DIV	PF	PA
49ers	11	5	0			335	255
Rams	9	7	0			312	298
Seahawks	6	10	0			295	340
Cardinals	5	11	0			255	348

OperationSports.com

I apologize for the lack of details here, I was going to provide division records and percentages, but I'm killing my lunch hour at work and don't have the division records available... I'm using notes I took at home last night. As far as winning percentages, I was just lazy.

As far the playoffs, it ended up as Ravens vs Colts in the AFC and a surprising Rams vs Bears matchup in the NFC. The Colts won the Super Bowl over the Bears by a score of 14-13.

Future seasons will have more in depth standings / playoff coverage... but for this first year.. which was just an excuse to get me to the first offseason... I'm taking some shortcuts.

NEXT UP: A look at the Patriots potential needs and a quick glance at the marquee names available in free agency.

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-06-2010, 11:51 AM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

ATTENTION: This email is for YOUR EYES only. Do not redistribute. This is being sent to select group of New England Patriots player development personnel. Leaking of this information will result in severe consequences, up to and including: loss of company car, loss of team provided membership in the Hot MILF Escort Service and/or termination of employment.

Dear Valued Staff,

Much like our old logo, we got completely bent over this season. Brady's lower legs getting turned to dust, Moss remembering that he's a me-first *******, running backs retiring, offensive linemen demanding ridiculous contracts. We got our work cut out for us if we want to score points next year, so I'll get started:

QUARTERBACK: I can't throw Trent Edwards under the bus. He did a somewhat admirable job despite horrible circumstances, but he isn't the future of this franchise. I think we keep him onboard to backup our eventual replacement. The other two scrubs, I don't even know who the hell they are but get them on the next bus out of town. I know we have the 3rd pick in the draft, and I suppose I'll pony up the money if you can get me a franchise QB at that pick... But you better be damn sure. You know how much I hate having high draft picks and the required bonus payouts. If you are not 100% sure, TRADE DOWN!

RUNNING BACK: We can no longer rely on retreads. Fred Taylor and Kevin Faulk finally realized that using a walker with tennis balls on the feet was in their immediate future if they didn't hang it up. We still have Willie Parker under contract and I think he can contribute, but we need to look for a young feature back. I don't know if we are going to be able to rely on a "five WR, spread the field and our QB destroys you" attack on offense. So at fullback, I want a true lead blocker back there and I don't think Sammy Morris is going to cut it. He is free to look for a new employer along with that other bust we drafted a few years back... the dude with the hyphenated last name... What's the deal with that? Was he a married woman who didn't want to give up the maiden name?

WR / TE: We'll miss the production Moss gave us when he wasn't being a weeping vagina, so I'd like to find a another large target to start opposite Wes Welker, but I generally like the mix we have here. If we fall into somebody in the draft or can pickup an affordable option in free agency, let's do it. I'm happy with our TE situation, we're standing pat there. (HAH! I made pun, standing "pat" .. ... LAUGH DAMMIT, I SIGN YOUR PAYCHECKS!)

OFFENSIVE LINE: I don't know who these 30 year old guys think they are demanding 5 and 6 year contracts with $10 million or more guarenteed. Let's find some more economical options here for the left side of our line. I'm still debating on whether I want to throw the franchise tag on Matt Light, he's been a great contributor... But that Logan Mankins guy has to go... his demands are flippin ridiculous. If we can get one contributor for the offensive line from the draft, I'll be happy.

DEFENSE: Beyond Vince Wilfork and Ty Warren, we really don't have any starting caliber lineman that will scare anybody. I don't want to break the bank, but put in the back of your heads now, I want some upgrades here. I am generally happy with the rest of the defense. We're going to need some depth guys here and there, but the current starting core at linebacker and in the defensive backfield is satisfactory.

SPECIAL TEAMS: I can't believe I just paid a damn kicker almost $5 million for the next two years of work, but I did it. We're set here as well.

So there you have it, my mandates for the future direction of this franchise. Get it done or I'll find somebody who can.

With Warm Regards,

THE BOSS

[UP NEXT: Are any free agents worth a damn?]

**Nunyerbiz** · 10-06-2010, 01:11 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

Untitled Document

Updated: February 16th, 2011, 5:45 PM ET

NFL Free Agency Smorgasbord

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by John Clayton

ESPN HQ -- What's my favorite day of the year? You might think my wedding anniversary or the birth of my children, but you'd be wrong. You would be wrong, more wrong than when Matt Millen drafts a college player into the NFL. No, my favorite day of the year is the start of NFL Free Agency.

McNabb

The big winner so far appears to be Donovan McNabb. After a lackluster, injury riddled season in Washington it appears as if the Redskins are going to cut ties and start fresh. While the Redskins won a surprisingly weak NFC East with a 9-7 record, McNabb appeared in only 12 games and had 18 TDs to go with 17 INTs. Despite this less than stellar performance, many teams should be in the mix for McNabb's services.

The Cardinals, 49ers, Raiders and Seahawks seem to have varying levels of interest. The Cardinals desperately want an upgrade to the Derek Anderson parade of crap and don't feel any quarterbacks in the upcoming draft class are worthy of their #1 overall pick. The other teams all appear intent on a change at signal caller as well. Matt Hasselback, Jason Campbell and Alex Smith have not been offered contracts.

In other news from the nation's capital, rumors are that coach Mike Shanahan has convinced owner Chainsaw Dan Synder that the veteran heavy Washington offense was going nowhere. Running Back Clinton Portis and wide reciever Santana Moss also appear heading to new employers.

Teams looking to improve their rushing attack have some respectable options. Joseph Addai's days in Indy seem to be at an end. The Dolphins have shown no interest in extending Ricky Williams after spending a chunk of change to tie up Ronnie Brown. The story is similar in New Orleans, where a king's ransom was paid to keep Pierre Thomas in the Big Easy, so it looks like Reggie Bush will hit the open market. A number of dependable, if decidely non-sexy, names will be available as well, including: Darren Sproles, Tim Hightower, Cadillac Williams, Leon Washington and Jerome Harrison.

The Randy Moss experiment in Atlanta was weak sauce, as the kids say nowadays. He moped when not show enough looks and never got into a rhythm with Matt Ryan. He only caught 31 balls in 12 games and was non-existent in the Falcons wild-card playoff loss. Interest in Moss has been sparse so far, but it's believed that the Ravens and Panthers are interested. Other potential difference makers at WR include: Braylon Edwards who will have to coordinate visits to his parole officer from outside of New York. The messy divorce between San Diego and Vincent Jackson appears finally complete. Early Doucet was not offered an extension in Arizona after the Cards re-upped with Steve Breaston. Donald Driver, Mario Manningham and TJ Houshmandzadeh round out the notable WR crop. Also, after drafting some promising young replacements, the Ravens also cut ties with long time veteran Todd Heap.

Things don't look nearly as promising on the defensive side of the ball. While there are a few veterans that might still contribute for a year or two, like Darren Sharper and Richard Seymour, most of this free agent class is weak on defense. The prized jewels are probably CB Antonio Cromartie and LB Shawne Merriman who were considered expendable by their teams based on the emergence of younger and cheaper replacements.

**Adam14** · 10-06-2010, 01:16 PM

Re: No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

I'm loving this. Really enjoy your writing style.

No Brady Bunch: An alternate reality Patriot franchise (Madden 11)

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