The following presentation is an excerpt from Volume One, Edition One of my NBA 2k12 veritable Bible of Cheese. From henceforth, you shall be crafted and instructed on the finest intracacies of cheesing. By now, most of you know the basic tennants of cheese, or more specifically...
The Ten Cheese Commandments:
1) Always utilize the turbo button. Any lapse in turbo usage will jeapordize your ability to effectively cheese to maximum capacity.
2) Drive the lane with reckless abandon. It doesn't matter if you have the ball on the three point line with Joel Pryzbilla. Take it to the rack. This is the backbone of any cheese savant.
3) Shoot threes. Lots of threes. Even with players who cant shoot. Shoot transition threes. Fast break threes. Kickout threes.
4) Utilize mismatches. John Wall at Center. Javelle McGee at SG. Lineup cheese is a vastly under-rated methodoloy of the cheese.
5) Post up cheese. Once more, vastly under-rated. (More on this later)
6) Defensive slider cheese. Set all defensive settings to play tight.
7) 3-2 Zone cheese - The only way to counter cheese, is with cheese.
8) Play exclusively as the Miami Heat, or Thunder.
9) Take at least 70% of your teams shots with one individual player.
10) Steal cheese. Try to steal every inbounds pass.
Ancillary Cheese Commandments:
1A) Make sure you fast break at every possible opportunity. Off made shots. Off missed shots. Etc. Force the break with reckless abandon.
1B) Spin Cheese - The Y Button is your best friend
1C) The Dirk Cheese - Deserving of its own category. Shoot Dirk's midrange fadeaway all game for maximum cheese capacity.
The Lost Arc of Cheese: The Post Game
This never receives its due dilligence. Make sure you perfect your array of post-cheese and you can turn even the most fringe of NBA roster talents into the second coming of Olajuwon. Up and under Craig Davis? 40 and 20 with Ed Davis? Done.
The Chalice of Cheese: The Weave
A subculture of cheese best employed with guards, or small forwards. In this sect of cheese, you will utilize your players ball handling talents and the lapse in defensive AI to slowly and methodically probe your way into the defense. Alternate back and forth while entering the lane, and you will usually find yourself with a path to an open layup. Utilize the shot stick accordingly. With weave cheese, I have dropped upwards of 70 points with highly skilled ball handlers such as Steve Nash. Never under-estimate the under-utilized but highly effective method of weave cheesing.
The Unusual Suspects Cheese:
Perhaps the single most telling valuation of your Cheese capacity.The ability to effective utilize lower rated and lesser known players. A la David Noel 99 dunk rating cheese in NBA 2k11. Drew Gooden 91 midrange. Etc. Find the diamond in the rough cheese and utilize it to your advantage.
The Fraternal Order of Cheese: The Four Guilds of the Jedi
There are several levels of cheesers, akin to the Jedi order. You have padawan cheesers, who often use players like Lebron, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, etc. and are only capable of cheesing with the highest rated players in the game. They often underutilize weave cheese, post cheese, and ignore the 10 Cheese Commandments. Simply put, a dime a dozen.
The second level of cheesers, the Cheese Apprentice. Often one who has honed his cheesing abilities to gradually incorporate the 10 Cheese commandments. They will often be able to cheese with secondary stars such as Steve Nash, Andre Iguodala, Rudy Gay, and other high 80s players. Despite honing their craft, they are still ranked below the Cheese Knights.
The third level of Cheese. The Cheese Knight. One who has probably playeda few iterations of NBA 2k series, and has slowly formulated a methodology of cheese that can pose major threats to most players. They know the weave cheese. They folllow the commandments of cheese. They are capable of dropping 40 on 40 shots with Luol Deng cheese. However, they are not a Cheese Master.
The final boss. The Cheese Master. An endangered species, given the growing movement of anti-cheese and the gradual rise of the three cheese subcultures. Cheese masters are capable of employing new, revolutionary cheese tactis, such as the 5 Power Forward Lineup, or 5 guard lineup. They will relentlessly probe your defense with artful weave cheese, drop 68 points with Ronny Turiaf utilizing a dizzying array of post cheese, and abuse your defense with the most rudimentary rated 2k players. On the rare occasion that you encounter a true cheese master, you will not be angry. You will be touched by the level of cheese that trascends cheese and non-cheese factions, a beauty which unifies these two and trasncends both gender and race. A true savior for all things eternal. The sultan of cheese.
So concludes Volume One of the ongoing Ballad of Cheese. More to follow. Discuss.
The Ten Cheese Commandments:
1) Always utilize the turbo button. Any lapse in turbo usage will jeapordize your ability to effectively cheese to maximum capacity.
2) Drive the lane with reckless abandon. It doesn't matter if you have the ball on the three point line with Joel Pryzbilla. Take it to the rack. This is the backbone of any cheese savant.
3) Shoot threes. Lots of threes. Even with players who cant shoot. Shoot transition threes. Fast break threes. Kickout threes.
4) Utilize mismatches. John Wall at Center. Javelle McGee at SG. Lineup cheese is a vastly under-rated methodoloy of the cheese.
5) Post up cheese. Once more, vastly under-rated. (More on this later)
6) Defensive slider cheese. Set all defensive settings to play tight.
7) 3-2 Zone cheese - The only way to counter cheese, is with cheese.
8) Play exclusively as the Miami Heat, or Thunder.
9) Take at least 70% of your teams shots with one individual player.
10) Steal cheese. Try to steal every inbounds pass.
Ancillary Cheese Commandments:
1A) Make sure you fast break at every possible opportunity. Off made shots. Off missed shots. Etc. Force the break with reckless abandon.
1B) Spin Cheese - The Y Button is your best friend
1C) The Dirk Cheese - Deserving of its own category. Shoot Dirk's midrange fadeaway all game for maximum cheese capacity.
The Lost Arc of Cheese: The Post Game
This never receives its due dilligence. Make sure you perfect your array of post-cheese and you can turn even the most fringe of NBA roster talents into the second coming of Olajuwon. Up and under Craig Davis? 40 and 20 with Ed Davis? Done.
The Chalice of Cheese: The Weave
A subculture of cheese best employed with guards, or small forwards. In this sect of cheese, you will utilize your players ball handling talents and the lapse in defensive AI to slowly and methodically probe your way into the defense. Alternate back and forth while entering the lane, and you will usually find yourself with a path to an open layup. Utilize the shot stick accordingly. With weave cheese, I have dropped upwards of 70 points with highly skilled ball handlers such as Steve Nash. Never under-estimate the under-utilized but highly effective method of weave cheesing.
The Unusual Suspects Cheese:
Perhaps the single most telling valuation of your Cheese capacity.The ability to effective utilize lower rated and lesser known players. A la David Noel 99 dunk rating cheese in NBA 2k11. Drew Gooden 91 midrange. Etc. Find the diamond in the rough cheese and utilize it to your advantage.
The Fraternal Order of Cheese: The Four Guilds of the Jedi
There are several levels of cheesers, akin to the Jedi order. You have padawan cheesers, who often use players like Lebron, Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant, etc. and are only capable of cheesing with the highest rated players in the game. They often underutilize weave cheese, post cheese, and ignore the 10 Cheese Commandments. Simply put, a dime a dozen.
The second level of cheesers, the Cheese Apprentice. Often one who has honed his cheesing abilities to gradually incorporate the 10 Cheese commandments. They will often be able to cheese with secondary stars such as Steve Nash, Andre Iguodala, Rudy Gay, and other high 80s players. Despite honing their craft, they are still ranked below the Cheese Knights.
The third level of Cheese. The Cheese Knight. One who has probably playeda few iterations of NBA 2k series, and has slowly formulated a methodology of cheese that can pose major threats to most players. They know the weave cheese. They folllow the commandments of cheese. They are capable of dropping 40 on 40 shots with Luol Deng cheese. However, they are not a Cheese Master.
The final boss. The Cheese Master. An endangered species, given the growing movement of anti-cheese and the gradual rise of the three cheese subcultures. Cheese masters are capable of employing new, revolutionary cheese tactis, such as the 5 Power Forward Lineup, or 5 guard lineup. They will relentlessly probe your defense with artful weave cheese, drop 68 points with Ronny Turiaf utilizing a dizzying array of post cheese, and abuse your defense with the most rudimentary rated 2k players. On the rare occasion that you encounter a true cheese master, you will not be angry. You will be touched by the level of cheese that trascends cheese and non-cheese factions, a beauty which unifies these two and trasncends both gender and race. A true savior for all things eternal. The sultan of cheese.
So concludes Volume One of the ongoing Ballad of Cheese. More to follow. Discuss.
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