I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

[Con-Con]

To try to make the background story short. The group of friends I was hanging out with last year (my Junior year) I've known since freshman year since we lived on the same floor (let's just call them A,B, and C). At the time, I didn't know them but so well since the only time I did chill with them was to smoke. Come sophomore year, I wasn't chillin the friends that I hung out with all the time freshman as much just for the simple fact that it was just hard to get up with them at times. No big deal, so eventually I end up hitting A,B and C up to hang and we kicked it for the entire year. I even went up and stayed at A's house for a couple days the summer after. Sounds like normal stuff, right?

Well enter my Junior year and A,B, and C got a house, so you know that was my chill spot for the year. Well, I started to notice that things seemed different hanging with them. Individually, they all seem cool, but when they got together it was like the peanut gallery. All they would do is joke on somebody for ANYTHING, I mean throw insults on topics from what you wearing, to the way you did something or said something a tiny bit off-kilter. In their minds it was all in good fun, and at times it was funny, but this started to get obsessive and annoying. I don't believe this is any different than the year before, but it seem like this go around they were at it on another level. Sometimes it felt that when they threw insults at me, they tried to make it the most heinous out of the other ones for some reason. At the time, I was struggling with school and other stuff, so you can imagine that my confidence was a bit low and they were not helping.

Looking back, some of the stuff they said was stupid and wasn't worth getting sensitive over(something I've improved on in myself), but there were times I felt like they were trying to straight-up play me, and these are my "friends". Needless to say, after one night where they really tried to make me the laughing stock of the room for unsuccessfully trying to talk to this one chick, I had a epiphany that maybe I shouldn't associate myself with A,B, and C so much anymore. I previously had felt I was obligated to show up at their house so they wouldn't think I stayed away from them because of their insults, but realized that I shouldn't be in an environment that I don't feel confortable with and with A,B, and C and their group of friends, it felt like I was back in high school, and I HATED high school.

This coming year they already said they gonna come over my apartment all the time since my roommate is good friends with them too. If that's the case I plan on being as busy as possible so I don't have to be around their antics at all times. I really posted this to see if anyone can relate to this story or had friends you thought were your friends until they showed their true colors.

[Linuxx]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

that is why all my friends are digital.... ugh im sad.

[BlueNGold]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Have you tried talking to them individually?

[Con-Con]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Honestly, it's not worth my time and effort with these dudes in particular, because knowing them, they gonna blow it off and poke fun for bringing something like this up. At the same time, after doing a lot of thinking I was probably just taking myself too seriously, and that's never good. Still doesn't change the fact that they act immature and childish a lot of the time.

[shugknight]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Honestly, take it with a grain of salt. I know it's sometimes hard, especially if you have low self esteem, but bro's will be bro's. They're their to make fun of you, and make fun of you some more. The thing that will help is, try to not let it affect you.

If they see that you're affected by their jokes, they'll be more than willing to keep egging you on with the jokes, until you lose it. Instead make fun of them as well. Either than, or accept the joke for what it is.. a joke.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends get. Way of life. Some people mature faster then others and some people NEVER mature.

[Whitesox]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Honestly, take it with a grain of salt. I know it's sometimes hard, especially if you have low self esteem, but bro's will be bro's. They're their to make fun of you, and make fun of you some more. The thing that will help is, try to not let it affect you.

If they see that you're affected by their jokes, they'll be more than willing to keep egging you on with the jokes, until you lose it. Instead make fun of them as well. Either than, or accept the joke for what it is.. a joke.

Eh, I disagree with this mentality. If it comes off as malicious, then it needs to stop. Ask them to stop. If they don't, find new friends.

[gez20]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

I sort of have friends like that. I'm not sure if you're just a sensitive guy or if they just say really mean-spirited ****. But yeah when I'm with these friends it's non-stop clowning on each other. There might be sometimes where someone goes over the line but I usually shrug that off.

On the other hand I had a friend in high school who would make jokes and stuff but I started to get the feeling he thought he was above me or something. That started to convey itself in his attitude and jokes so that friendship ended up dying.

Ultimately though, if you're with people who make you feel like ***tty about yourself and you're not having any fun, you've gotta ask what the point of that friendship is.

[12]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends get. Way of life. Some people mature faster then others and some people NEVER mature.

Exactly.

I talk to about two of my friends from high school on a regular basis. High school wasn't that long ago, either.

I was naive and thought we'd always be close, always talk, always hang out. But life isn't like that.

That's not to say that if I was in a bind, I could call up any of them and they'd have my back, because they would.

Life is funny sometimes.

[Jano]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

I know exactly what your goin thru Con-con I went through some of the same things in high school. And my advice is to just treat them as your boys not your friends.

To me there is a difference between someone who is one of your boys and someone who's your friend. If you constantly feel like they are ripping into you everyday then that means they you're boys.

Cuz its like shugknight said that just what dudes do they make fun of each other and just clown around. And thats cool in doses but if you goin thru it everyday it can get annoying especially if your someone who isnt tryin to be like that all the time.

I would say for this upcoming year you should try and expand that friend circle and either look for those people you was hanging out with freshmen year. Or try and kick it with some new people for a change.

But your goal should be to find friends people you know you can be comfortable around instead of just people you think are cool. Honestly once I started to make that distinction between who were my friends and who was just a homie things just got a lot better for me.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

If they are not helping you, they are dead weight. Life is hard enough as it is. A lot of times you grow apart from your "friends" That's just the way it goes.

[kazushige0001]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Your situation seems pretty common for college age guys. Not that it is the rule, but there are certainly a good number of people that act that way at that stage of life. I figure it's because people are at a transition in their life trying to figure out what they are going to do and who they are going to become. When people don't have a firm identity or direction it's easier to point out flaws in others because it's an escape from the lack of definition in their own life.

In college, I found people like myself working toward specific professional and personal goals and the atmosphere was completely different. Around people with a focus and direction for their lives, their is a tendency to talk about what they like and who they are becoming. I think it's wise to surround yourself with people who lift you up rather than drag you down. Even ten years later, I can talk to these same people and they don't live with the same regrets or fears of many people heading toward middle age because they have chosen to pursue what they wanted and have adjusted to the consequences well.

As a graphic designer and illustrator, I've had to do freelance projects here and there and it's pretty much the same thing. The worst clients always tell you what they don't want and the best clients are the ones with a direction and vision for what they do want.

[luv_mist]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

The older you get, the smaller your circle of friends get. Way of life. Some people mature faster then others and some people NEVER mature.

This sums up most of the college experience honestly. Some people just get it and others are stuck. I say find yourself another friend or two that is cool with you. Find other activities to keep you involved. Go to the library and study more to bring up those grades. Being around a "poison" atmosphere will eventually get deep into you and mess you up. Find more positive around you.......

[JBH3]

Re: I think I need to shorten my friend zone...

Honestly, it's not worth my time and effort with these dudes in particular, because knowing them, they gonna blow it off and poke fun for bringing something like this up. At the same time, after doing a lot of thinking I was probably just taking myself too seriously, and that's never good. Still doesn't change the fact that they act immature and childish a lot of the time.

I think you know what needs to happen now.