(FYI: completely CPU-booked)
One night after
Fatal 4Way, someone in the Motor City is actually crazy enough to challenge....
to an Iron Man match!!??!!?
Unfinished business. Orton beat Nash a couple weeks ago on RAW, yet the leader of the
New World Order stole the heavyweight title last night when he put his own brand-mate, the mysterious Joker, through a table. Orton, on the other hand, seemingly joined a stable of his own, alongside Edge and CM Punk after they gave Kane the beating of his life. Ladies and genteleman,
this is how you kick off
MONDAY.. NIGHT.. RAWWWWW [Supershow]!!!
[cut promo]
Extreme Rules (nontitle):
Orton vs.
Nash (WWE Champ). Highlights: Loving the elongated entrance from Nash, displaying his new gold, all the while wearing the WWE Tag Team strap around his waste, as well. After a bloody match, Nash chokeslammed Randy on the annouce table! To finish, he intercepted a ladder smash for one of his own. Winner:
Nash.
Christian vs.
The Rock. The nWo music rolls out again, only fitting seeing how they now own the WWE Heavyweight & Tag Team titles. Cutscene:
Mick Foley appears from under the ring and attacks The Rock, pummeling and stomping him to kingdom come!!! Highlights: The Rock overcomes getting jumped to get the fall with a reverse short-arm clothesline. Winner:
Johnson. New Cutscene:
Christian wipes away Rocky's handshake offering. Perhaps the Brahma Bull is trying to get Mr. Cage to leave the dark side?
News: After the match, our own Josh Matthews caught up with Christian after the loss, claiming he's "lost more friends than [he's] gained, and haven't won a thing since kissing Nash's ***. So, if the fans want it, then I want it. Captain Charisma.. is back."
CM Punk vs.
The Joker. Another WWE vs. nWo match-up! Seems like the Clown Prince wants a little revenge for what the winner of last night's contender's 4Way did to his pal Kane. Cutscene:
Oh wow! Chris Jericho makes his return and code-breaks Punk! Winner:
Joker. Not looking like a good night for this new "faction"!
Main Event - Iron Man:
??? vs.
Undertaker. Ha! It's none other than
Alberto Del Riooooooooo!!!!!!! The former heavyweight champion makes his long-awaited return after a brief squabble with JBL..to challenge.. Taker??!!? Highlights: Taker takes the first 2 falls, with a "Snake Eyes" and "Tombstone." Del Rio got so upset, he brought the ring steps into the ring and destroyed Taker with it repeatedly to get himself a fall! After nailing Taker yet again later in the match with the ring steps...Del Rio went for the pinfall, but the time runs out! Winner:
Taker.
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Official announcement from the legendary Bret "Hitman" Hart next on.. E C WWWW!!!!
New ECW Hardcore champion Lance Storm comes out for an celebratory interview and he's challenged by none other than his former Impact Player teammate, Justin Credible!! Highlights: Wow. Insane match. Just as Storm went for his finisher, Credible reverse-DDT'd the 1-night only champ on a chair. Winner and the newwwwwwwww Hardcore Champion: Credible! This is our 6th Hardcore champion in as many weeks...are you kidding me!!!
ECW/TNA Tag Tourney, Round 2, Match 2:
nWo "Gotham" (Hennig & McGillicutty) vs.
The Road Warriors. Highlights: After LOD had great teamwork all match, the ref blew them a DQ for the constant double-teaming! Winners:
nWo. It was found out after the match that WWE official Nick Patrick was found CELEBRATING with the father and son duo in the back!
Here he is!!! Bret Hart is in the ring on a very special ECW to announce. "You know, I shouldn't even be out here. I shouldn't even give you fans a second of MY precious time. But, you know, Owen is my brother...and Davey Boy is my brother-in-law, but it doesn't take the fact away that they failed business signing with that rat Paul HEYMAN. So, you know, my ol' pal and now WWE Champion Big Sexy Kevin Nash offered the best deal to come back. He said to me, "You know, those ECW guys are a pain in the ***." And, they don't call me "Hit MAN" for nothing. So...
music hits...it's...Justin Gabriel's? What the hell does he want?
Main Event:
Hart vs.
Gabriel. This was actually a great match, perhaps with Hart showing a little ring-rust. I love how Cole was talking about "execution" during some of Hitman's best moves. Sharpshooter taps out the kid from South Africa. Winner:
Hart. Cutscene:
WOW!!! This might be the most timely, fitting cutscene I've ever landed! After the match, the nWo's Ziggler and NEWEST ADDITION Big Show help beat the living piss out of Gabriel with tons of stomps and Show even through Hart a chair for measure!!! This is most certainly like the nWo of old!!!
Canada Night goes to Hart!
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After last week at Fatal 4Way...
Sting told Roode of a special mystery opponent...and that he must face that mystery opponent, Iron Man style!!
Angle vs.
Goldberg. Since I'm going to be a little bit busier in the coming days, I'm going to allow the CPU to wrestle matches from time to time. This matchup appeared like a perfect one, and it was....while I was doing dishes, I noticed that this lived up to its classic billing with back n forth wrestling and brawling. But I can't believe the straight job from Da Man! Angle lands the moonsault off the top rope and Angle Slam for the HUGE win!! Winner:
Angle. Guess he doesn't.. suck.
TNA/ECW Tag Tourney, Round 2, Match 3:
UK Invasion (McIntyre & Regal w/ Barrett) vs.
AJ Styles &
Chris Sabin. Although Sabin revealed his true colors a couple weeks ago when attacking former partner and pal Alex Shelly, he's still forced by Sting to team up with AJ since they beat Matt Hardy & Christopher Daniels early in the tourney. Again, I'll let the CPU do this one. I have to admit, Sabin & Styles uni's do match perfectly for a tag team, as well as their hooded sweatshirts. Who knows. AJ actually took out both Barrett and McIntyre with a springboard plancha out of the ring, while Sabin pinned Regal pulling the tights on a roll-up. Winners:
Styles &
Sabin. When Styles found out how Sabin got the victory, he got into Chris' face absolutely furious...setting up their X-Division tourney match next week!
[Yes, I just totally made that **** up! But sometimes YOU HAVE TO!]
Knockouts (Non-Title): McCool (Chaml) vs.
V. Guererro. Simulated. Winner:
McCool.
Main Event - Iron Man (Non-Title): ??? vs.
Roode (Champ). "And Johnny Cash listenin'!!!!!!!!!!" He's back! It's "Cowboy" James Storm!! After several weeks of being absent from the Impact Zone, the former Beer Money parter of Roode's enters the fray to challenge him! Highlights: Storm superkicked Roode for a pinfall exactly halfway at the 7-minute mark. Roode then kicked and knocked out the ref, bringing in the ring steps and DDTing Storm for a pin. Storm's "Eight Second Ride" surprisingly wasn't enough for the 2nd fall, so Storm belly-2-belly slammed him on those same ring steps after busting him open! 2-1! Roode applied a pinfall after a great "Roode Awakening", but he ran out of time. Winner:
Storm!! NEW Cutscene:
Ever frustrated Roode destroys the annouce table and punches out Michael Cole!!!