"Clippers on the move"
After a spiritual experience in south america involving ayahuasca and Peruvian beet slugs, Clippers owner Steve Balmer has sold the Los Angeles Clippers in order to focus on more altruistic matters. The team was sold to Nathan Bane, the son of Trader Joe's CEO Dan Bane. Bane was awarded the team despite Balmer fielding more lucrative offers from Cinnabon CEO Kat Cole, hedge-fund billionaire Richard Little, and Apple CEO Tim Cook.
Balmer spoke at a press conference on Tuesday:
"My eyes have been opened. I know not what the future holds, but I know this: I'm headed to a wind farm in Multnomah County."
In his first major move as owner, Bane relieved Doc Rivers of all GM duties, and signed Zack Lowe as President of Basketball Operations. Bane was also quick to put a damper on rumors of a San Diego return, announcing that the Clippers are headed to Montreal, along with seven new Trader Joe's franchises. Bane considered changing the team name to the Brontosaurus-- a proper name to rival their NBA neighbors in Toronto-- but the team will ultimately retain their Clippers identity.
Bane commented on the move in
La Presse:
"It is with great pride and joy that I welcome the Clippers organization to Montreal, and the people of Montreal to the Clippers family. Our color scheme and jersey design will pay tribute to the Montreal Expos, and the Trader Joe's Arena will be powered via solar energy. Great things await. And to the Toronto Raptors I say, "Baise-moué l’ail!" (translates rougly to "suck my garlic")
Chris Paul walks the ball up the court in a scrimmage versus Sacramento
Best buds Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan holding hands
home whites
Trader Joe's Arena, or as it's affectionately referred to by the locals: "the sea".
The arena is designed to resemble a ship at sea, with light wood surrounded by an ocean of blue.
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In additional (and shocking) news, the Oklahoma City Thunder have been relocated to Seattle after their owner Clay Bennett was killed, ironically, in a thunder storm.
Seen below is point guard Russell Westbrook donning a revamped version of the Supersonics classic jersey.
away greens
home whites